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Download for computer or e-reader on TheAmusingBible.com Leo Taxil - The Amusing Bible Giving the textual citations of Holy Writ and reproducing all the refutations opposed by Voltaire, Fréret, lord Bolingbroke, Toland & other critics. Table of concordance
About Léo Taxil Dedication to the Infallible Holy Father 1. The creation and the earthly paradise 2. Short history of the first men 3. The angels living in concubinage on earth 4. General drowning of humanity 5. Happy life of a well-beloved patriarch. 6. A family vowed to multiplication 7. Moses and the journey of forty years 8. The exploits of Joshua and of Gideon 9. The judges Jephthah and Samson 10. Sweet idyll of the fair Ruth 11. History of Samuel before the royalty 12. Saul, the first king, and his rival David 13. Glorious reign of H. M. Solomon 14. The two kingdoms: Israel and Judah 15. During and after the captivity Table of concordance
About Léo Taxil Léo Taxil, born Marie Joseph Gabriel Antoine Jogand-Pagès (21 March 1854 – 31 March 1907), was a French writer and journalist who became known for his strong anti-Catholic and anti-clerical views. A native of Marseille, he was placed at the age of five in a Jesuit seminary. After spending his childhood years there, he became disillusioned with the Catholic faith and began to see religious ideology as socially harmful. He wrote in his confession: “Not without usefulness I spent my early years between monastery walls, among the clergy, where I grasped, on what rests the Papal faith.” Taxil’s writings include: À bas la calotte! (Down with the Clergy!) (1879) Les Soutanes grotesques (The Grotesque Cassocks) (1879) La Chasse aux corbeaux (The Crow Hunt) (1879) Le Fils du jésuite (The Son of the Jesuit) (1879) Les Bêtises sacrées (Sacred Stupidities) (1880) Les Friponneries religieuses (Religious Knaveries) (1880) Plus de cafards! (No More Cockroaches!) (1880) Calotte et calotins (Clergy and Clericals) (1880-1882) Les Borgia (The Borgias) (1881) Les Pornographes sacrés (The Sacred Pornographers) (1882) La Vie de Jésus (The Life of Jesus) (1882) La Bible amusante (The Amusing Bible) (1882) — first edition, ~400 pages Un Pape femelle (A Female Pope) (1882) L’Empoisonneur Léon XIII (The Poisoner Leo XIII) (1883) La Prostitution contemporaine (Contemporary Prostitution) (1883) Pie IX devant l’Histoire (Pius IX before History) (1883) Les Amours secrètes de Pie IX (The Secret Love-Affairs of Pius IX) (1881) Les Maîtresses du Pape (The Mistresses of the Pope) (1884) La Vie de Veuillot immaculé (The Immaculate Life of Veuillot) (1884) La Bible amusante (The Amusing Bible) (1904) — complete edition, ~814 pages The two editions in bold above are the sources of this English volume: its illustrations are taken from the first edition of 1882, which prints them large, and its text is translated from the complete edition of 1903-1904, which reduces them. The Bible passages here will not match your English Bible. Taxil quoted a French one — in the main the Protestant version of Jean-Frédéric Ostervald (1744) — and adjusted its wording now and then for comic effect. This translation follows his French as he wrote it, rather than substituting the wording of an English version. Chapter and verse will still lead you to the right passage, but the words will often differ from the King James, the New King James or any other English Bible, and that difference is frequently what the joke turns on. Where it matters, an editorial note points it out. Some of what he cites is not in most English Bibles at all: Tobit, Judith, Wisdom, 1 and 2 Maccabees, and chapters 13 and 14 of Daniel — the stories of Susanna and of Bel and the Dragon. Protestant versions, Ostervald included, either omit these or set them apart among the Apocrypha, so for them Taxil must have used a Catholic French Bible. In 1879 he was tried at the Seine Assizes for his pamphlet “À bas la calotte!” (Down with the Clergy!), on charges of insulting a religion recognized by the State and of outraging public morals, but he was acquitted. In books such as “Les Pornographes sacrés” (The Sacred Pornographers) and “Les Maîtresses du Pape” (The Mistresses of the Pope), Taxil portrayed the leaders of the Catholic Church as hedonistic creatures who indulged their fetishes in the manner of the Marquis de Sade. In his anti-Catholic books “La Bible amusante” (The Amusing Bible) and “La Vie de Jésus” (The Life of Jesus), its companion volume on the New Testament, Taxil satirically pointed out what he considered to be the inconsistencies, errors and false beliefs presented in the Bible. The first version of “The Amusing Bible” (~400 pages) was illustrated by Frid’Rick and published in 1882 by the “Librairie anti-cléricale”. At the time of publication, the author was accused of irreverently mocking the Bible. “The Times” called for the book to be suppressed. On 20 April 1884 Pope Leo XIII published the encyclical “Humanum Genus”, which said that the human race was “separated into two diverse and opposite parts, of which the one steadfastly contends for truth and virtue, the other of those things which are contrary to virtue and to truth. The one is the kingdom of God on earth, namely, the true Church of Jesus Christ... The other is the kingdom of Satan...” This kingdom was said to be “led on or assisted” by Freemasonry. On 23 April 1885, after this encyclical, with its call “to tear mask from freemasons”, Taxil repented, confessed and professed conversion to Catholicism. He renounced his earlier works and announced his intention to repair the damage he had done to the true faith. He was solemnly received back into the Church. A prominent figure of the Jesuit order, Gruber, wrote: “It has been only year, and as a result of papal prayers, grace of God’s ray touched one of the hard-core atheists and enemies of the Church, a publicist, who is capable more than others to implement call of Christ’s Vicar on earth.” Taxil wrote a series of pamphlets and books denouncing Freemasonry and charging its lodges with worshipping the devil, and criticized various godless infidels with blazing enthusiasm. The first book he produced after his conversion was a four-volume history of Freemasonry, which contained fictitious eyewitness accounts of the Freemasons’ participation in Satanism. He introduced a fictitious character, Sophie Walder, who had the talent of walking through walls and owned a snake that wrote prophecies on her back with the tip of its tail. Another book, called “The Devil in the Nineteenth Century”, introduced a new character — Diana Vaughan, a supposed descendant of the Rosicrucian alchemist Thomas Vaughan. The book contained many implausible tales about her ability to travel to various planets and her encounters with incarnate demons, one of whom played the piano in the shape of a crocodile. Diana was said to be involved in the Satanic “Palladism” cult, a supposed Satanic Freemasonry, but was redeemed when one day she professed admiration for Joan of Arc, at whose name the demons were put to flight. As Diana Vaughan, Taxil published a book called “Eucharistic Novena”, a collection of prayers praised by the Pope. These books sold well among Catholics, although Diana Vaughan never appeared in public. In 1887 Taxil even had an audience with Pope Leo XIII, who subsequently sanctioned his anti-Masonic campaign, rebuked the bishop of Charleston for denouncing the anti-Masonic confessions as a fraud, and in 1896 sent his blessing to an anti-Masonic Congress in Trent. In 1892 Taxil also began to publish a paper, “La France chrétienne anti-maçonnique” (Anti-Masonic Christian France). Doubts about Vaughan’s veracity and even her existence began to grow, and finally Taxil promised to produce her at a lecture he was to deliver on 19 April 1897 in the great hall of the Geographical Society in Paris. To the amazement of the audience, which included a number of priests, he announced that Diana Vaughan was one of a series of hoaxes, part of a long-sustained practical joke to ridicule the Roman Catholic Church’s credulity. He thanked the bishops and Catholic newspapers for facilitating his crowning hoax, namely his conversion, which had exposed the anti-Masonic fanaticism of many Catholics. Diana Vaughan was revealed to be a simple typist in his employ, who had laughingly allowed him to use her name. Taxil described at length, and vividly, how throughout those twelve years he had deliberately and consistently mystified churchmen, and how, step by step, he had puffed up and diversified his fabrications, seeing that even the most incredible fantasies were swallowed with fascination by the pope, the cardinals and all the Catholic clergy. It was a terrible scandal. The discredit to the clergy was enormous. The audience received these revelations with laughter, and some with indignation and hisses. Taxil was mobbed on leaving the hall, so that policemen had to escort him to a neighbouring café. Clerics were enraged. Leo XIII pronounced anathema upon Taxil. “We...” — it was said in the papal bull — “...declare, that excommunicate and anathematize that villain, who is called the Leo Taxil, and expel him from the door of the holy Church of God... May he be damned wherever he is: in the house, in the field, on the road, on the stairs, in the desert and even on the threshold of the church. May he be cursed in life and in the hour of death. May he be cursed in all his affairs when he drinks, when he eats, when he is hungry and thirsty... May he be cursed in all parts of the body, internal and external... May he be cursed in all his the joints, for the disease gnawed him from the top of the head to the soles of feet... ” This did not frighten Taxil, and an extended version of the book “La Bible amusante” (The Amusing Bible) — some 814 pages, with 400 numbered illustrations by Frid’Rick — was republished from 1897 onward; the complete edition of 1903-1904 was issued by the “Librairie P. Fort”, 19 rue du Temple, Paris. The extended version opened with Taxil’s public letter addressed to Pope Leo XIII and, as its cover announced, gave the textual citations of Holy Scripture together with the refutations opposed by Voltaire, Fréret, Lord Bolingbroke, Toland and other critics. Léo Taxil moved away from Paris and died at Sceaux on 31 March 1907. Dedication to the Infallible Holy Father Most Holy Father, They say that you are not pleased, since the 19th of April of this year, the twentieth of your glorious pontificate. The unexpected denouement of my merry mystification has put you, so we are assured, into a great rage, like a common Père Duchesne (‘like a common Père Duchesne’ — fr. ‘comme un simple père Duchesne’, after Le Père Duchesne, a Revolutionary paper whose title character was famous for furious, foul-mouthed outbursts); for to know that one has been mystified for twelve years by a sceptical freethinker is an eminently disagreeable thing, when one is the representative of the Holy Ghost, when one is directly and permanently inspired by the divine pigeon; but to know that this ridiculous posture is known to the whole world, there is the height of unpleasantness, there is what vexes in the supreme degree. O my pope, what a tile on the head for the dogma of your infallibility (‘what a tile on the head’ — fr. ‘quelle tuile’, literally ‘what a roof-tile’: a sudden misfortune, as of a tile falling on one’s head)!... A humbug of Marseilles has made game of your venerable head; horror! (‘humbug’ — fr. ‘fumiste’, literally a stove-setter, was slang for a hoaxer; ‘made game of your head’ — fr. ‘se payer la tête de quelqu’un’, to make fun of someone) — And he had taken his measures so that his humbuggery should end by bursting like a bomb, with a din resounding through the press of both hemispheres; a curse upon it! Joachim, my old Joachim, I understand your holy wrath. I seem to see your grimace, at the reading of that amusing article in which Henri Rochefort summed up the situation so well: « This most holy father, who received the humbug in a private audience, cannot deny having been in league with him; without which, his infallibility, of which he has made a dogma, would immediately be reduced to dust. From the moment when he did not perceive the trick his visitor was preparing to play upon him, what becomes of that light from on high upon which rests, in the eyes of the dotards of Catholicism, the whole power of the successors of St. Peter? Léo Taxil has made a fool of him, but he was making fools of us; and if the first has, for twelve years, made the bishops swallow his hoaxes, the second has been pouring his own down our throats for twelve centuries. Either the man named Pecci is no more infallible than you or I, and nothing remains for him but to hand in, without delay, his resignation as representative of a god whom he in no way represents; Or else, being infallible, he made himself the associate of a hoaxer whom he used to squeeze money out of the adversaries of Freemasonry; in which case there would be nothing left but to charge the gendarmes to go and arrest him in his palace, for breach of trust and fraudulent misappropriation. » Three times alas! my old Joachim, that is the dilemma which an illustrious pamphleteer has put to you, amid the bravos of the gallery. And from Paris to New York, from London to Montevideo, the universal press has repeated the dilemma; and everywhere the applause has rung out, everywhere people have burst out laughing at your confusion, from everywhere the mocking thumb has been set to the nose, in the direction of your triple crown. And you asked yourself, O thirteenth of the sacred Leos, whether this were not indeed a nightmare!... Nightmare, none at all. You were wide awake, and the tremendous burst of laughter which shook the globe was the irritating reality. Most Holy Father, I owe you a consolation. The flood of impiety swells every day; it is a veritable tide which rises, rises without ceasing. In dear France, who is the eldest daughter of the Church, teaching has been secularized for many years already; so that the new generations growing up in the schools of the State do not know the first word of Sacred History. On several occasions I have observed, with unspeakable grief, that young people are ignorant of the edifying adventures of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Samson, Samuel, Boaz, Saul, David, Solomon, Elijah, Elisha, Jonah, Ezekiel, Esther, Tobias, Judith, Daniel, etc., etc. Of these celebrated and venerated names they have at the very most a vague idea. To the question which a worthy priest lately put: « Do you know the Maccabees? » the answer came: « Very little; I have only been twice to see the Morgue. » (‘the Maccabees’ — fr. ‘macchabée’ is also slang for a corpse; the young man took the priest to be asking about dead bodies, which the public viewed at the Paris Morgue) Such a state of things is distressing. Where shall we go, just heaven, if the knowledge of the pious episodes of the Bible is lost, if the writings formerly inspired by the divine pigeon fall into oblivion?... It is time to react, Most Holy Father. That is why I am undertaking a new edition of the Holy Scriptures. I shall omit nothing, and I shall try to make this reading as attractive as possible. You shall see. On my next journey to Rome, I shall solicit from your august hand yet another special benediction, to be added to my precious collection. If, however, taking my word for it, you deign to send me this benediction of the first quality without waiting for my visit, — Most Holy Father, do not put yourself out. The joy of having mystified you in no way diminishes my zeal for the diffusion of the great eternal truths which are the basis of the sublime religion whose sovereign pontiff you are. I do not say that my Amusing Bible will contribute much to strengthening the faith; but it will nevertheless have one incontestable advantage: by penetrating among the victims of the secularizing State, by getting itself read by those who now are ignorant of, or know only vaguely, all these fine things, it will reveal to them what one must believe in order to have the right to call oneself a son of the Catholic, Apostolic and Roman Church. If, after that, a few are willing to admit that it is possible for a man to live three days in the belly of a whale, not to speak of the other biblical miracles, you will owe me, my old Joachim, warm thanks for having gained you some unhoped-for recruits. So then, no hard feelings on the subject of my mystification, eh?... This book will have consoled you, and we shall become good friends again, as before the 19th of April. Come, do not make me beg, Leo. Send me a little instalment of benediction, by return of post. Paris, 20 June 1897 - Léo Taxil. CHAPTER 1 The creation and the earthly paradise Now then, learn what the spirit of God dictated to Moses, the supposed sacred author to whom Genesis, the first book of Holy Scripture, is attributed; and you will observe, at every moment, that the spirit of God, unless he be of a crass ignorance, is a humbug, essentially a humbug, more of a humbug than the inventor of the palladist grand-mistress Diana Vaughan. God is from all eternity; but, at the beginning of time, he was alone in the void. Nothing existed, save him, calling himself then Elohim, the Hebrew name by which he is designated in the first verse of the Bible; and this name is a plural, which is very singular for a gentleman all by himself. So then, Elohim, — who is also Jehovah, Sabaoth, Adonai, as we shall see further on, — Elohim was bored (or were bored) at six francs a head in the midst of his chaos (‘at six francs a head’ — fr. ‘s’embêter à six francs par tête’, a jocular expression for being bored stiff, as though one had paid dearly for the privilege); « tohu-bohu » is the biblical term, tohu-bohu, which means topsy-turvy. 1. The chaos. Eternity being immoderately long, master Elohim was bored for billions and billions of centuries. At last he had an idea: being God, that is to say all-powerful, he judged that to go on being bored for ever without doing anything would be the height of stupidity, and he resolved to create. He might have created everything at a single stroke. Well, no; it seemed to him better to take his time. And he made the heaven and the earth, or, better said, matter appeared at the simple effort of his will; a matter formless, empty, confused, still tohu-bohu, and full of damp. « And the wind of God was running upon the waters » (textual); the reader is not obliged to understand. In order not to commit blunders, it was necessary, above all, to see clearly; whence one has the right to conclude that, during the preceding thousand billions of centuries, this poor Papa Good God was in the most complete darkness. Fortunately, he never knocked his nose against anything anywhere, since there was nothing at all. « — Let there be light! » commanded the Eternal. « And there was light. » What was this light? The Bible does not say; it confines itself to informing us of this: « God saw that the light was good ». He was satisfied with it, consequently. His first care was then to « separate the light from the darkness »; again it is useless to seek to understand. « And God named the light, Day; and the darkness, Night ». — « Thus was the evening, thus was the morning. » Such was the first day of the creation. 2. Creation of the light After which, Papa Good God busied himself with creating... guess what... the expanse, or, if you like it better, space. If one will but reflect upon it a little, it is clear that space existed from all time, even supposing an epoch when it was furnished with no star, no planet. Nevertheless, the expanse was created after the light, although « created » is here an improper term. The Bible, very muddled in its first chapter, has taught us, as we have just seen, that at the beginning of the creation Elohim made the heaven and the earth in tohu-bohu, with formless matter and confused masses of waters over which the wind of God was running; and here is how the sacred book explains this second operation, the formation of the expanse: « God created the expanse and separated the waters which are above the expanse from those which are below the expanse; and thus it was. » (Genesis 1:7) Some commentators say that it is a question of the atmosphere. In any case, one reads at verse 8: « And God named the expanse, Heavens. Thus was the evening, thus was the morning; that was the second day. » (‘the expanse’ — fr. ‘l’étendue’, where English Bibles have ‘firmament’. The distinction matters to his joke: in the next paragraph he derives ‘firmament’ from the ancients’ belief that the sky was firm and solid, so his Bible must not already use the word here.) Be that as it may, it emerges from this that the Holy Ghost told the author a superb hoax and abused his simplicity. This story of waters above and waters below is the reproduction of a gross error of primitive peoples. In fact, all the ancients believed that the heavens were something solid, firm, — whence the name of « firmament », — and they even imagined them to be of crystal, seeing that the light passed through; and the opinion was that above this solid plate, this firmament, there was an immense reservoir of water. Today we know that rain is water drawn up, pumped up by the sun, turned into vapours, into clouds, and falling back afterwards upon the earth; but formerly it was believed that rain came from the great reservoir above; people supposed a kind of windows opening and closing again in the plate of the firmament and thus producing the rains. And this opinion, which now makes us laugh, was current for a very long time; it is the view of Origen, of St. Augustine, of St. Cyril, of St. Ambrose and of a considerable number of doctors of the first centuries of Catholicism. The humbug Holy Ghost was making fun of them. 3. Creation of the atmosphere. Well, let us pass on. The third day was employed by Papa Good God upon a work whose results are more appreciable than those of the preceding days. He lowered his gaze upon the waters below, and he said to himself that it would be useful to gather them together, so as to make dry parts appear, that is to say continents. Then the waters, very obedient to his will, assembled apart, depths having been hollowed out for their heaping; on the other hand, heights were formed, bristling the surface of the solid matter with mountains, while the liquid rolled in slow or headlong waves towards the new abysses. « And God named the dry, Earth; he named also the gathering of the waters, Seas. And God saw that it was good. » 4. Creation of the continents and the seas. It is to be remarked that Papa Good God was, most often, pleased with his job. — Name of a pipe! he must have said to himself, what a mussel I was not to have created that sooner! (‘Name of a pipe!’ — fr. ‘Nom d’une pipe!’ is a mild French oath, roughly ‘Good gracious!’; ‘mussel’ — fr. ‘moule’ was French slang for being soft, spineless, a dolt) That day he was so satisfied with his continents and his seas that he wished to do something more before nightfall. « Let the earth put forth its shoot, said he, namely, grass bearing seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit each according to its kind, which have their seed in themselves upon the earth. And thus it was. » (Genesis 1:11) 5. Creation of the trees and the plants. One cannot sufficiently admire this delicate attention of the Creator. Impossible to be more full of precautions than he. In fact, one wonders what the earth would be, if God had planted it with fruit trees each bearing fruits other than those of its own kind. Let us thank the paternal Elohim for not having given us apricot trees producing oranges, orange trees producing apples, apple trees producing currants, etc.; there would be no telling one from another. Ah! yes, let us thank God; what a good foreseeing papa!... The earth having obeyed him and the apricot trees having grown bearing apricots, God, once again, « saw that it was good. Thus was the evening, thus was the morning; that was the third day ». But here is quite another story! Three days had already passed with evening and morning, thanks to the light created at the very beginning: only, what is strange, this light which disappeared at the end of the day to make way for the darkness of night, this light illuminated the newborn world without having any hearth; no more sun than at the bottom of a coal mine. This drollery deserves a textual quotation from the Bible: « 14. Then God said: Let there be luminaries in the expanse of the heavens, to separate the night from the day, and let them serve for signs, and for the seasons, and for the days, and for the years; 15. And let them be for luminaries in the expanse of the heavens, to give light upon the earth; and it was so. 16. God therefore made two great luminaries: the greater luminary, to rule over the day, and the lesser, to rule over the night; he made the stars also. 17. And God set them in the expanse of the heavens, to give light upon the earth: 18. And to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness; and God saw that it was good. 19. Thus was the evening, thus was the morning; that was the fourth day. » 6. Creation of the heavenly bodies. No misunderstanding, is there? it is indeed a question of the sun and the moon. Consequently, according to the Holy Ghost, the creation of the sun followed the creation of the light by four days! Now, the Holy Ghost knows everything, evidently; otherwise he would not be the Holy Ghost, but a simple imbecile. Every time science makes a discovery, the Holy Ghost must laugh into his pigeon’s beak and murmur to himself: I have known that from all eternity; these poor pygmies of men give themselves great trouble to learn what is! But then, why did the Holy Ghost dictate to Moses this colossal stupidity as well, on the subject of the light and the sun?... What a humbug, decidedly!... In fact, down to Olaus Rœmer, astronomer of Copenhagen, who lived in the seventeenth century (1644-1710), it was believed that the sun does not produce light, but that light exists in space and that the sun serves only to « push » it; this false physical conception was an error of Descartes himself. It is to Rœmer that science owes the demonstration of this important truth, directly contrary to the statement of the Bible, that is to say: the light which illuminates our world emanates from the sun and its propagation is not instantaneous. The great Danish astronomer even came to determine exactly the speed of solar light; he established, and this is a thousand times proved today, that this light takes eight minutes eighteen seconds to reach us from the star which is its hearth, that is a speed of 308,000 kilometres per second. It is known that Rœmer was led to this great discovery by the observation of the eclipses of the satellites of Jupiter, a planet forming part of our solar system. Rœmer was then in France, and he hastened to announce his discovery to the Academy (See the History of the Academy, sitting of 22 November 1675) One may say further, with Voltaire: « If God had first spread the light through the air to be afterwards pushed by the sun, and to illuminate the world, it could not be pushed, nor illuminate, nor be separated from the darkness, nor make a day from evening to morning, before the sun existed; this theory is contrary to all physics, and to all reason. » Moses, very ignorant in astronomy, therefore let himself be duped by the Holy Ghost; for the divine pigeon knew, at the time when Genesis was written, what Rœmer was to discover in 1675. One will remark also how little importance the stars have, in the creation according to the Bible. The « two great luminaries » are the sun and the moon; the moon! which is only a satellite of our terrestrial planet! Ignorant Genesis is very far from suspecting that moon, earth, and even sun, are very small things in the universe; that our brilliant sun, the central star of the world we inhabit, is a modest star, one of the innumerable stars which compose the Milky Way. The sacred author sees only the earth and refers everything to the earth, that tiny planet which, in reality, turns about a star of the seventh magnitude; and this star-sun the wretched writer makes to depend, astronomically, upon its planet! Ah! the unfortunate Moses would be astounded, were he resurrected in our day. I imagine what a head he would make (‘make a head’ — fr. ‘faire une tête’, to pull a long face) if, coming to instruct himself in any observatory whatever of Europe or America, he learned, for example, what Sirius is, a star of the first magnitude: Sirius, the most beautiful and the most brilliant of the stars of the sky, to which the Holy Ghost neglected to call his attention; Sirius, whose light takes nearly twenty-two years to reach us, its distance from the earth being 52,174,000 millions of leagues, that is 1,373,000 times the distance from the sun to the earth. What would poor Moses say, the day when there should be revealed to him the prodigious importance, in the universe, of the other solar worlds which he did not even suspect? Suppose the professor simply teaching this to Moses, after Humboldt: — Although placed at so great a distance, Sirius and our sun belong to the same layer of stars, isolated in the celestial spaces, an island of stars in the universe; and this island of worlds and of suns, of flattened, lenticular form, has in its great axis eight hundred times the distance from Sirius to the earth; and yet it is only a small layer, extremely thin, if one compares it with the great layers, thick and deep, and incomparably richer in stars and in suns, which surround it. — Moses, who benevolently believed that the earth is the centre of the universe created by God, would go mad at it. Let us return to the creation according to the Bible: « 20. Then God said: Let the waters bring forth in all abundance animals which move and which have life; and let the birds fly above the earth, towards the expanse of the heavens. 21. God therefore created the great fishes, and all the living animals which move, which the waters brought forth in all abundance, according to their kind, and every bird having wings, according to its kind; and God saw that it was good. 22. And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas; and let the birds multiply upon the earth. 23. Thus was the evening, thus was the morning; that was the fifth day. 24. Then, God said: Let the earth bring forth living animals according to their kind; the domestic animals, the reptiles and the beasts of the earth, according to their kind; and it was so. 25. God therefore made the beasts of the earth according to their kind, the domestic animals according to their kind, and the reptiles of the earth according to their kind; and God saw that it was good. » 7. Creation of the animals. Aye indeed, all that was good, and master Elohim, who has hands, rubbed them with satisfaction. But there was better still to create. — Not one of these animals resembles me, and it is a pity! he thought. And yet I have a fine head, a keen ear, a lively eye, a witty nose, and a good set of teeth! I might well create a mirror, in which I should contemplate myself; but it is better, I think, to contemplate myself by looking at my fellow... Come, it is settled; there absolutely must be upon earth an animal that has my head. While Papa Good God was holding this reasoning, it is to be presumed that divers monkeys, of recent creation, came capering about him. — They have something of me, he must have said to himself; but after all that is not it. Almost the whole of these species is adorned with a tail, and I have no tail. As for those which are deprived of that caudal appendage... no, that is not it either!... And the monkeys grimaced and went on executing their marvellous capers. Then Papa Good God took a block of damp earth, and « kneaded » it. — After that, come and maintain that God is a pure spirit and has no hands! — The Bible says also that God, having formed man, « breathed into his nostrils a respiration of life ». Behold then the first man kneaded, then animated with a great reinforcement of spittle. It is thus that « man was made into a living soul ». (Genesis 2:7) 8. Creation of man. There is a passage, none too clear, of the first chapter of Genesis, verse 27, which has led some occultist commentators to believe that, in the first instance, man had been created hermaphrodite, but that God afterwards changed his mind. In fact, it is only at the end of the second chapter that there is any question of the creation of woman; now, 25 verses earlier, the Bible says in so many words: « God therefore created man in his image; he created him male and female in the image of God. » It is this verse, translated literally from the Hebrew text, which gave birth to the legend of the Androgyne God, very much credited in the various occultist schools; and, on the other hand, this verse being highly awkward, Christian translators have always taken care to alter it. Nevertheless, one would be wrong to attach too much importance to this biblical fancy; many other passages are still less comprehensible! Let us look rather at what is generally admitted. From the moment of man’s formation, Papa Good God constituted him king of the creation. He immediately made him review all the animals. « For the Eternal God had formed all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the heavens; then he had made them come unto Adam, that he might see how he would name them, and that the name which Adam should give to every living animal might be its name. » 9. Man reviews the animals. One can picture that procession; it is Buffon, no doubt, who would gladly have been in Adam’s place! « Thou shalt fill the earth and subdue it, it had been said to Adam; thou shalt have dominion over the fishes of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over every beast that moveth upon the earth. » As king of the creation, man does not always have the upper hand, when he has to do with a lion, a tiger, a bear, a crocodile; that is what one may answer. And not only do the ferocious beasts crunch us; but humanity is besides the victim of a thousand disagreeable insects, fleas, bugs, scorpions, not to speak of the Jesuits and other cockroaches (‘cockroaches’ — fr. ‘cafard’ means both a cockroach and a sneaky person, canting hypocrite or bigot, which is the point of the jibe). 10. Man, king of the creation. Moreover, God, who had created the ferocious beasts that relish human beefsteak, ordered man to be a vegetarian. « Behold: I have given thee every herb bearing seed which is upon all the earth, and every tree which hath in itself tree-fruit bearing seed; which shall be to thee for food. » Finally, everything being finished — or nearly so — on the evening of the sixth day, Papa Good God, happy and more and more satisfied with his work, and perhaps slightly tired, invented the siesta and gave man the example of rest by resting himself, on the seventh day, like a good fat man of private means who feels the need to do nothing more. (Genesis 2:2) 11. The Lord rests. « Now, the Eternal God had planted a garden in Eden, on the side of the Orient, and he had put there the man whom he had formed... And a river went forth out of Eden, to water the garden, and it divided itself into four rivers. The name of the first is Pison; it is that which floweth round about all the land of Havilah, where gold is found; and the gold of that land is good; it is there also that the bdellium and the onyx stone are found. The name of the second river is Gihon; it is that which floweth round about all the land of Cush. The name of the third river is Tigris; it is that which floweth in the country of the Assyrians. And the fourth river is the Euphrates. » (Genesis 2:8, 10-14) In entering into these details, the author of Genesis wished to give an approximate idea of the situation of the marvellous Eden. But he would have done much better to say nothing; for it is impossible to be caught more foolishly in the very act of gasconade (‘gasconade’ — fr. ‘gasconnade’, a boastful tall tale, from the reputation of the Gascons for bragging). In fact, all the commentators agree in recognizing that the Pishon is the Phasis, later named the Araxes, a river of Mingrelia, which has its source in one of the most inaccessible branches of the Caucasus, and, if there is in that region gold and onyx, on the other hand nobody has ever been able to discover what was to be understood by bdellium. On the other hand, there can be no error on the subject of the third and fourth rivers, the Tigris and the Euphrates; whence it clearly results that, according to Genesis, the site of the earthly paradise would have been situated in Asia, in the region of the massif of Ararat, in Armenia, although (first blunder of the sacred author) Araxes, Tigris and Euphrates, while having their sources relatively neighbouring, have them perfectly distinct. The Araxes, far from being derived from another river, issues from the volcano Bingol-Dagh, whence it flows towards the Caspian Sea. As for the Tigris and the Euphrates, not only do they not proceed from one and the same river, but on the contrary they join each other at Korna, to form the Shat-el-Arab and to throw themselves into the Persian Gulf. On the subject of the second river, called Gihon by Genesis, the blunder of the sacred author is fantastic. « It is, says he, the river of the land of Cush. » Now, according to the version of the Septuagint and even the Vulgate, the land of Cush (son of Ham and father of Nimrod) is none other than Ethiopia; consequently, this Gihon is the Nile, which flows, not in Asia, but in Africa, and precisely in the opposite direction to the Araxes, the Tigris and the Euphrates, the general direction of the course of the great African river being from south to north. If one places the source of the Nile at the Victoria Nyanza, as is admitted so as not to go further back, there are then at the very least eighteen hundred leagues of distance between the sources of the first and second rivers mentioned by Genesis as watering the same garden of Eden! It is true that the two others have their sources only sixty leagues from one another; which is already pretty for a garden. Besides, is it a garden, this immense territory bristling with the most precipitous peaks, formed of one of the most impracticable regions of the globe?... Finally, third blunder, and this one might be called: the blunder of the tip of the ear (‘the blunder of the tip of the ear’ — fr. ‘montrer le bout de l’oreille’, to show the tip of one’s ear: to give oneself away, as an ass betrays itself under a lion’s skin). The priests, as is known, maintain that the work of Moses is the Pentateuch, that is to say the first five books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. But the learned have had the impiety to make researches, and their general opinion is that these books were manufactured by Ezra, on the return from the captivity of Babylon, in the course of the fifth century before Jesus Christ, whereas Moses, supposing that he existed and admitting for a moment as authentic the dates which concern him, lived a thousand years earlier: born in the land of Goshen, in Egypt, in 1571 before our era, and died in Arabia, on Mount Nebo, in 1451. Bossuet was indignant at the works of Hobbes, of Spinoza and of Richard Simon against the authenticity of the works of Moses; to say that the true author of the Pentateuch is Ezra is to blaspheme, according to the fiery bishop: « What can one object, he cries (Discourse on Universal History), to a tradition of three thousand years, sustained by its own strength and by the sequence of things? Nothing consecutive, nothing positive, nothing important! » With all respect to Bossuet, verse 14 of chapter 2 of Genesis, among other examples, gives a striking proof of the literary and religious imposture, and demonstrates, as plainly as two and two make four, that the said Genesis cannot have been written by Moses. It is in this verse that it is said: « The name of the third river is Tigris; it is that which floweth in the country of the Assyrians. » (Genesis 2:14) There it is in so many words. Some translators have replaced the last four words by: « toward the East of Assyria »; but that changes nothing. The question is this: Moses, dead in 1451 before Jesus Christ, could not employ the expressions Assyria, Assyrians, for the good reason that the Assyrian empire, which extended at once over Nineveh and Babylon and which lasted down to the eighth century before our era, began to exist about 1300, at the very most. The testimonies of Herodotus and of the Chaldean Berosus agree upon this point and have been confirmed by the monuments. (‘in the country of the Assyrians’ — fr. ‘au pays des Assyriens’, the four words Taxil counts. His argument needs that reading; English Bibles have ‘toward the east of Assyria’, the very variant he goes on to dismiss.) The important discoveries accomplished since the beginning of our century in the history of the peoples of the ancient East, with the help of inscriptions in hieroglyphic and cuneiform characters, no longer permit today, even in the most elementary books, the reissuing of the biblical absurdities on the subject of this first part of the annals of the human race. The results obtained by the Champollions, the de Rougés, the de Saulcys, the Mariettes, the Opperts, the Rawlinsons, the Lepsiuses, the Brugsches, etc., light up ancient history with a light far more certain than the traditions collected by the humbug Ezra. It is established that the founder of the Assyrian empire was a prince named on the monuments Ninippaloukin, who lived a hundred and fifty years after Moses. On the other hand, the region which was called Assyria was designated, in the time of Moses, under the name of the empire of the Rotennou, as results from the Egyptian monuments, mentioned by Oppert and other scholars; we see, in fact, in divers Egyptian inscriptions, that the kings of the eighteenth dynasty of Egypt, contemporaries of Moses, carried their arms into Babylonia and had tribute paid to them by the Rotennou, who were dominant in Mesopotamia, in the very country of the Tigris and the Euphrates. If Moses were the true author of Genesis, he would then have written: « the Tigris, a river which flows in the country of the Rotennou. » It is true that the tonsured ones will always be able to answer us: — The true author of Genesis is no more Ezra than Moses; it is the Holy Ghost! Consequently, were the Bible even to mention St. Petersburg and New York, that ought not to appear illogical to us and could in no way surprise us. Let us therefore bow, and take up again the sequel of the sacred narrative, with a merry laugh; for this edifying Genesis really does not lack gaiety. If the reader is willing, we are going to transport ourselves in thought to that marvellous garden of Eden, where four great rivers proceeding from a single fountain roll their waters. We seem to see Adam, walking about his property and giving himself up to the sweets of far-niente. Here is what his monologue might be: « — I am the man, and my name is Adam; which means, it appears, « red earth », seeing that I was manufactured with clay, like a common piece of pottery... What is my age?... I was born five days ago; but, according to an old proverb, one is the age one appears. And that is why I can say that in reality I was born at the age of twenty-eight, with all my teeth... No; not with all my teeth... I still lack my wisdom teeth... Very well built, eh?... Why! how could I fail to be a fine individual, since, save for the age and the beard, I am the faithful copy of the lord Jehovah, the most stunningly smart being that exists in the universe?... Just look at this health, these robust arms, these legs of steel, nerves to sell, and, with that, a fresh complexion... Not the least rheumatism... I say bosh to illnesses... I have not even to fear the smallpox; Papa Good God manufactured me all vaccinated... And so, how I fancy myself!... and I am not wrong... I take life easy, in this charming abode... no porter... not even a servant... There is a happy life!... I go, I come, I gather fruits, all succulent, and I stuff myself with them to my confounded fancy, braving diarrhoea without danger... I feel no fatigue, however long my walks may be; when I lie down on the grass, it is for my pleasure... The other day, the amiable lord Jehovah offered me a diversion, of which I shall keep the merry memory all my life… All the animals of the creation passed before me: « The name that thou shalt give to each living animal shall be its name », the old Eternal Father said to me... As an attention, that was kind, that was!... It is unheard-of, how many of them filed past, the animals!... I should never have believed that there were so many living beings... I was not embarrassed to make them my distribution of names; for the language which I speak without difficulty, and without ever having been to school, is a language of an extraordinary richness, of an abundance of terms of which it is impossible to form an idea... Thus, without needing to search, I knew instantly all that is proper to each animal, merely by looking at it, and by a single word I expressed all the properties of each species, so that each name given by me is at the same time a complete and perfect definition... Let us take, for example, the animal which will later be called equus in Latin, cheval in French, horse in English, etc. Well, I clapped upon it a name which expresses that quadruped with its mane, its tail, its neck, its speed, its strength... And the bird which, in centuries to come, will be called bulbo in Latin, hibou in French, owl in English, etc., all these names to come will not be worth the one I devised and which characterizes the nocturnal bird of prey, with its two mobile tufts upon the forehead, its short and hooked beak, its big head with great round eyes surrounded by a complete circle of stiff feathers, its feet all furnished with feathers down to the claws, as well as its fierce and savage habits, its monotonous and lugubrious cry, its horror of the light... And so on, for all the living animals... Ah! it is without equal, the language which I speak, and how sad it is to think that one day it will be entirely and for ever lost!... This thought is my only sorrow... Let us drive it away very quickly, and have no care. Oh! that general review of all the living animals, there is what was superb... Still, superb does not say everything; for we had a comic turn in the programme of the fête: it was the arrival of the fishes... Only think! this garden is right in the middle of a continent, no sea shores, nothing but rivers, that is to say fresh water... So then, you can picture the grimace the sea fishes made, in coming up the Tigris and the Euphrates to reach me; they were no longer in their usual salt water, and it annoyed them!... Truly, it was enough to make one double up... And the great cetaceans, they were the ones that were put out!... Fortunately, for that day and by way of exception, Papa Good God widened the rivers of my garden; without which the various species of whales could never have got through... As soon as I had given them their name, you should have seen them dart back and rush off, with great strokes of their fins, to regain their Ocean as fast as ever they could... I laugh at it still!... Perhaps there will be people who will not believe this story... The impious will deny that seals from the North Pole could have come as far as Armenia, into the upper waters of the Tigris and the Euphrates, and that in a single day’s journey, coming down the whole Atlantic and making the complete circuit of Africa; they will say that these interesting marine mammals, dwellers in the Frozen Ocean, could not change their element without dying of it... Eh! what does criticism matter!... Upon my word of honour, I saw here, in this garden of Eden, on that occasion, seals and whales, and I add that the seals, quite pleased at having received a name from me, thanked me by saying papa! mamma!... Punctilious minds will object: « And the fishes of the lakes, by what way did they come?... » Is an allusion intended to the lavaret, that delicious fish of the lake of Bourget, of which the inhabitants of Aix-les-Bains speak as of a glory?... And the féra, which lives exclusively in Lake Leman, which dies as soon as it is put into another water, even fresh, which cannot so much as live in the Rhone, on this side of the Leman or beyond it?... Let it then be known: the lavaret and the féra had a special permission from God; these two lake fishes came, by aerial route, to pay me a visit at Eden... And there you are! anathema on the miscreants who will not be content with this explanation!... And then, palsambleu! (‘palsambleu!’ — fr. an old minced oath, from ‘par le sang de Dieu’, by God’s blood) it is very good of me to discuss these things... So much the worse for whoever will not believe me, when I affirm that I saw all the living animals, vertebrates, annelids, molluscs, and zoophytes!... There is not a single insect to which I did not give a name... But the one that most stupefied me is a great white worm, long, flat, which came out quite gently from my own self, an ugly worm which future naturalists will call the tænia or solitary worm of man, and which does not resemble the tænia of pigs nor the tænia of sheep; this great devil of a human worm, on coming out, made me a profound bow; I gave it a name; after which it slipped back into me by my anus and took up its domicile again in my person... If I speak of it, it is in order to omit nothing; for I did not know myself to be inhabited. Apart from that, my lodger incommodes me in no way... Nothing troubles this life of Cockaigne which I have been leading for five days... » (‘life of Cockaigne’ — fr. ‘pays de cocagne’, the land of plenty, an imaginary country of idleness and abundance) Adam looks at himself in the limpid water of the fountain, source of the four great rivers; then, spying a lawn, he stretches himself softly upon it. — Ah! how good it is to live thus! he murmurs. But now he yawns... he stretches himself... an unknown languor gradually takes hold of him... Here is something new, upon my word!... And yet he feels no fatigue... What can this mean?... He understands nothing of it. He undergoes the mysterious influence, irresistible. His eyelids close. Adam sleeps. It is the first sleep of man. 12. First sleep of man. Now, while Adam is snoring like a German humming-top, Papa Good God comes down upon earth. First, he rests his gaze for a fairly long while upon the sleeper. — All the same, I do good work when I set about it! says he with satisfaction. The fellow is uncommonly well built; one would swear it was myself... when I was a few billions of centuries younger. Stooping, he pinches the fat of his calf. To this divine pleasantry Adam replies with a snore still more sonorous than the preceding ones. — Perfect! continues master Elohim; I shall have no need of an anaesthetic to ensure the success of my talents as a surgeon... I see that the sleep I sent to my dear young Adam was of the best conditioned; one might fire a cannon beside him without his waking... Now, it is a question of setting to work; for I have come here for an operation of the first order... While nobody hears me, I may as well make an avowal: I perceived this morning that there are moments when I am somewhat of a simpleton. Thus, where were my wits when I created man without a companion?... I gave every animal a female; at least, there are but few exceptions to this rule. The solitary worm, I created it hermaphrodite, and that is understandable, since, if it went in couples in the intestines where it dwells, it would no longer be a solitary worm... But man is not a tænia, name of a pipe!... I must therefore manufacture him a companion, and I have decided to make her for him out of his own flesh... Papa Good God turned a moment about Adam; he felt him over, while uttering his reflections aloud. — I consulted the Pigeon on this subject, he continued, and I did well, for he is craftier than I... My first idea had been to cut off a corn from dear Adam and to knead a little woman out of it... The Pigeon did not approve of me; he thought a corn would be too vulgar and that the impious might find in it a pretext for saying that woman is of low extraction... The conclusion is that it is with a rib that I am going to manufacture the second human creature... Come! this is the moment, this is the instant; let us be prompt and dexterous as a dentist who is at his twenty-thousandth operation. And, so saying, Papa Good God « tore away from Adam one of his ribs, and he closed up the flesh in the place. » (Genesis 2:21) « And the Eternal God built into a woman the rib which he had taken away from Adam. » (Genesis 2:22) 13. Creation of woman. I hear the cry of the man, waking with a start: — Ow! ow!... Oh! dear me!... Somebody has just taken away one of my beefsteaks! And his surprise on seeing the pretty living doll: — Wot’s that ‘ere? — That? that is thy wife, and I present her to thee, answers Jehovah... Dare to say that I am not making thee an agreeable present there!... — The fact is that she is pretty... — One could eat her up... Lucky fellow, you!... And no mother-in-law!... You can boast of having all the luck, my boy. The Bible relates that Adam exclaimed: « This time, this one is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be named hommesse, for she was taken out of man. Therefore shall man leave his father and his mother, and shall join himself to his wife, and they shall thus be one same flesh. » (Genesis 2:23-24) (‘hommesse’ — fr. a coinage of Taxil’s Bible from ‘homme’, man, where English Bibles have simply ‘Woman’; kept here because Taxil returns to the word later and makes much of it) Useless to comment upon this exclamation of Adam, the newly married. Ah! in what gallant terms are these things put?... (‘in what gallant terms are these things put’ — fr. ‘en termes galants ces choses-là sont mises’, a line of Molière’s Les Femmes savantes, quoted ironically of a coarse thing said in fine language) As for the rib removed, it is well to recall that, in the opinion of St. Augustine, God never gave it back to Adam. Consequently, Adam lived thus with one rib the less. « It was apparently one of his false ribs, Voltaire has remarked; for the lack of one of the principal ribs would have been too dangerous. » Genesis tells us further (Genesis 2:25): « Now, Adam and his wife were both naked, and they had no shame thereof. » The pious commentators affirm that this nakedness without any shame is a proof of the innocence of our first parents; had they always remained in the belief that there is no immodesty in walking about stark naked, it would have been the mark of a persevering perfection. In virtue of this biblical reasoning, one might therefore reckon as living in the state of perfection those savage tribes who wear no clothing, and there are still some: nevertheless, at the time of the discovery of America, the fanatical Spanish Catholics massacred in a mass the native tribes who lived in fine innocence, and the priests blessed the massacrers. On the other hand, it has been remarked that it was the cold which caused clothes to be invented; for the naked peoples are those who live in the hottest regions. Besides, when everybody is naked, nobody is ashamed of being so: one blushes only from vanity; one fears to show a deformity which others have not. Let us come to the great affair, to the astonishing adventure which put an end, alas! to the happiness of Adam and his spouse. « The Eternal God had made to spring out of the earth every tree desirable to the sight and bearing fruit good to eat; and he had put the tree of life in the midst of the garden of Eden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. » (Genesis 2:9) « The Eternal God had spoken to man with commandment, saying unto him: Thou shalt eat freely of every tree of the garden. Howbeit, as for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat thereof; for, the same day that thou shalt have eaten thereof, thou shalt die the death most certainly. » (Genesis 2:16-17) 14. The forbidden fruit. It is well to observe first of all that, under pretext of summarizing the Bible, the priests have drawn up for the use of the faithful certain little manuals bearing the title Sacred History, in which they take care to pass over in silence those passages of the divine Scripture which embarrass them too much. Thus, in general, the faithful are told only of the famous tree of the knowledge of good and evil; we shall see presently why the priests breathe not a word of the tree of life, perfectly distinct from the other tree; we shall reproduce verse 22 of chapter 3, which is always omitted in the books given to the simple devout. For the moment, let us occupy ourselves only with the tree whose fruit caused the fall of man. Let us recall that the emperor Julian the Philosopher, whose memory is so execrated by churchmen, indulged, on the subject of this marvellous tree, in some remarks full of good sense. It seems to us, he wrote, that the lord God ought on the contrary to have ordered man, his creature, to eat much of this tree of the knowledge of good and evil; that not only had God given him a thinking head which had necessarily to be instructed, but that it was still more indispensable to make him know good and evil, in order that he might fulfil his duties; that the prohibition was tyrannical and absurd; that it was a hundred times worse than if a stomach had been made for him in order to prevent him from eating. Another reflection which one cannot help making is that the starting point of the little story proves that the lord Jehovah had a mental reservation and that he was very glad that man should sin. In short, Adam would have been entitled to say to him: — My little father Elohim, if I am not mistaken, good is that which is morally good, that which pleases you, and evil, on the contrary, is that which is bad, that which displeases you... Is that quite it? — Perfectly, my little son, the Creator would have answered. — Consequently, Adam would have continued, let me learn in what evil consists, in order that I may avoid it; or else why have put this tree here, if I must not touch it?... It is the curés who take charge of the rejoinder, in the place and stead of their queer Good God. — God, they say, was imposing a trial upon nascent humanity; he wished to see whether Adam would obey him, when he was asking of him only one single and very small privation. But it is easy to reply to the reply. According to the curés themselves, God knows the future: he had therefore foreseen what was going to happen; and, as nothing is done without his will, he knew perfectly well that man would eat of the fruit of the tree in question. He therefore willed the fall of our first parents, of that there is no doubt whatever. Moreover, the whole sequel of the story turns against the lord Jehovah. Let us see how things came about, according to chapter 3 of Genesis: « 1. Now, the serpent was the most crafty of all the animals of the earth which the Eternal God had made; and he said to the woman: What! Would God have said: Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2. And the woman answered the serpent: We eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden; 3. But, as for the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said: Ye shall not eat thereof and ye shall not touch it, lest ye die. 15. Eve tempted by the serpent. 4. Then the serpent said to the woman: Ye shall by no means die; 5. But God knoweth that in the day that ye eat thereof your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as the gods, knowing good and evil. 6. The woman therefore saw that the fruit of that tree was good to eat and of an agreeable aspect, and that that tree was desirable to give knowledge; and she took of the fruit thereof and ate; and she gave also thereof to her husband, drawing him along with her; and he ate thereof. » 16. Disobedience of Adam and Eve What strikes one first of all, in this narrative, is that the discourse of the serpent, its conversation with the woman, the very fact of speaking, of expressing itself in the same language as our first parents, is not given by the sacred author as a supernatural, miraculous thing, nor as an allegory. It is indeed the serpent itself that Genesis presents; it is this reptile, playing the part of an animal full of malice and cunning, which makes itself the tempter of the woman, with a fluency of elocution that a parrot might envy it. The serpent has been so personally brought upon the scene that, ever since, the curés, finding the episode thus related improbable, have judged it necessary to make a correction in it which changes everything, but which is in contradiction with the whole text of this chapter of the Bible. According to the correctors, as artful as they are pious, it was the devil who took the form of the serpent and who, by means of this subterfuge, tempted Madame Adam; such is the way in which the priests have arranged the matter, such is their teaching of today. This arrangement is a veritable falsification of Genesis. In the first place, not one word of the sacred text lends itself to such an interpretation. In the second place, among the various authors of the books which compose the Bible, there are two in all who have mentioned the devil: the author of the book of Job, according to whom the devil argues one fine day with God, in heaven; and the author of the book of Tobias, who cites a certain demon Asmodeus, in love with a woman named Sarah, whose seven husbands he strangles one after another. Now, these two books come quite at the end of the Bible, and, no more in these than in the others, is there any question of the Lucifer-Satan whom the Catholics bring in on every occasion, to give spice to the interest of their legends. Nowhere does one find that adventure, so well known nevertheless, of Lucifer revolting against God and vanquished by the archangel Michael. That, like everything which relates to the devil, was invented after the event, not only long after Moses, but even subsequently to Ezra. On the other hand, certain merry commentators, in reality sceptical philosophers, have amused themselves by transforming into an apple tree, of a somewhat broad symbolism, the famous tree of the knowledge of good and evil; and they have supposed that this episode signifies, in veiled words, that Madame Adam, being ignorant of love, received the first lesson in it from a seducing devil, metamorphosed into a serpent for the occasion... But while laughing at this pleasantry, which is one interpretation well worth another, it must be put into the same basket as the falsification of the text imagined by the curés. We must take the Bible such as it is, when we wish to examine it seriously: thus, in the little story with which we are occupied at this moment, it is indeed the animal called the serpent that is in question, and not any devil whatever, the Jews having no devils in their mythology before the epoch when the books of Job and Tobias were written; and as for the amorous innuendoes, gratuitously attributed to the tempting serpent, it is evident that it is impossible to discover them in the text of Genesis, when one has it before one’s eyes. It is truly the serpent alone, personally, that is in question; for the sacred author sees this animal with the eyes of all his contemporaries of the various religions. The serpent, in antiquity, passed in fact for being a very cunning animal, very intelligent and full of malice. Several African peoples adored it. On another side, the case of this serpent that speaks, a case of which Genesis makes no miracle, is common to oriental literature; all the mythologies hatched in Asia are full of speaking animals; among the Chaldeans, the fish Oannes put its head out of the waters of the Euphrates every day, and, for whole hours together, it preached to the people who ran to the banks, giving good counsels, teaching at once poetry and agriculture. Those times when the animals had the power of speech are far distant; but no religion of the East had the monopoly of them. Therefore the biblical serpent spoke, without needing to be inhabited by an imp. Besides, in this circumstance, the serpent was less cunning than it appears. The hoaxes of Holy Scripture are of an extraordinary simplicity and are bursting with contradictions. Thus, it has been asked what the serpent meant by: « Ye shall be as the gods. » This expression, which affirms the plurality of gods, is not found in this passage of Genesis alone; we shall see further on that the lord Jehovah, speaking himself, does not consider himself as the only God. The Catholic commentators, embarrassed by this phrase of the serpent, have maintained that by the gods the reptile must have meant the angels. It has been answered that a serpent could not know the angels; but, for the same reason, it could not know the gods. Simplicity, contradiction, gibberish; there indeed is the Bible. No, not so cunning as all that, this serpent!... Its counsels were very incomplete. A really crafty serpent would have said to the woman: — Eat of the forbidden fruit, first, and then immediately afterwards, do not fail to eat of the fruit of the tree of life, which, moreover, is permitted thee. And Jehovah, was he not the first cause of the temptation? Why had he given speech to the serpent? Without that gift, the latter could never have made itself understood by the woman. The Bible does not make known to us the conversation in the course of which Madame Adam determined her husband to eat with her of the forbidden fruit. Fortunately, it is easy to fill up this gap left by the sacred author. We see the first woman, whose curiosity has been pricked by the serpent, approach the tree of knowledge which is in the middle of the garden, beside the tree of life. She considers it at length, not without some hesitations. — He is not exactly handsome, says she, that serpent who spoke to me just now; but he is, upon my word, very distinguished in his manners, and he has a charming way of speaking... The counsel he gave me seems to me good to follow; for, really, it is very tiresome to know nothing... We are, Adam and I, like turkeys (‘like turkeys’ — fr. ‘comme des dindes’; a ‘dinde’, a turkey hen, is French for a silly, gullible creature), and we might be like gods!... And then, it is tempting, this fruit... There is none finer in the whole orchard... Still, if the serpent had told me a whopper, that would not be pleasant!... Life is so agreeable!... To bite this fruit, I have a great desire to; but if the result of my greediness should be to die?... Not amusing at all, that... She turns about the tree; the serpent, hidden behind a bush, follows all her movements from afar. — No, it is not possible that we should die for so small a thing... It is father Jehovah who has been setting up a boat for us!... (‘setting up a boat for us’ — fr. ‘monter un bateau à quelqu’un’, to spin someone a tale, to pull their leg) To begin with, thinking it over, I find he has a string look, that old greybeard (‘a string look’ — fr. ‘l’air ficelle’; ‘ficelle’, literally a string, was slang for crafty, artful)... whereas the serpent... ah, that is better... his little head, so dainty, has I know not what good-natured expression, with eyes sparkling with wit... Besides, it is of a striking logic, what he said to me... Father Jehovah has every interest in our remaining ignorant of the fine things which are the privilege of the gods... His threat, that must be to give us the jitters, that is it... He does not wish us to know this and that... Oh! the old ones! they are all alike... sly rogues... tellers of nonsense... One must not trust them... She drags one of the garden benches up to the tree, climbs upon it, and gathers one of the fruits. — Let us say it is an apple, since the Bible is not explicit upon this point and since, moreover, it matters little whether we call this fruit thus or otherwise. — She contemplates the apple, passing her tongue over her lips. The serpent, who has seen everything, rears upon its tail, behind the bush, and strikes up a merry quadrille. Madame Adam brings the apple near her mouth. — By the by, how is it eaten, this fruit?... Must I peel it or bite straight into it?... Bah! one way or another, it must be good... She hesitates a little more. — To know everything or to know nothing, what an alternative!... When we play at hide-and-seek, Adam and I, is it good or is it evil?... Cruel enigma!... Must we shear our sheep in order to do well? or does one commit evil in not leaving them the wool on their backs?... It is enough to lose one’s head over... And Adam, who is for ever poking his fingers into his nose, is that good or is that evil?... Truly and truly, it is no life to be ignorant of such things!... Deciding sharply, she gives the apple an energetic bite. — Sapristi! how good it is!... Another bite, more energetic still. — Name of a name! how good it is!... What a delicious taste!... Ah! the old swindler, who had forbidden me this dainty!... She lies down on the bench, stretches herself out on it and seems to savour the fruit all the better for it. Adam, arriving, talking to himself: — To pass the time, I have just fished a fry out of the Tigris... but, as I am a vegetarian, I flung my fry, as soon as caught, into the Euphrates... He perceives his spouse. — Hey! hommesse, what are you nibbling there? Madame Adam, sitting up with a bound: Oh! do not scold me!... It is a fruit... from the tree... you know quite well... from one of the two trees in the middle of the garden... — I see it, the deuce!... It is precisely the fruit of the tree which we are forbidden to touch... Well now! are you mad, my little wife?... And what about the warning of the other one?... — Father Jehovah?... the hinderer of dancing in a ring? (‘the hinderer of dancing in a ring’ — fr. ‘l’empêcheur de danser en rond’, the French term for a killjoy) Let us talk of him, ah! yes!... He has been making game of our heads on the grand scale, the old monkey!... — What are you singing me there?... — His threat of death... you remember it, don’t you?.. — To be sure!... It gives me a cold shiver down the back. — Oh! la la! my eye!... His threat, my dear, was a dodge... — Come now, are you beating Jeannot, are you losing the ball? (‘beating Jeannot’, ‘losing the ball’ — fr. ‘battre Jeannot’ and ‘perdre la boule’, two old slang phrases for going out of one’s mind; the ‘boule’ is the head)... — A dodge, I tell you... The proof is that I already know heaps of things, since I bit into the apple... — You know what is good and what is evil?... You know what must be done and what must not be done?... You know the how and the why of everything and everything.... — Yes, it is beginning, my little green dog... There, I already know how many grains of salt must be put in an egg. — Not possible! — I know why cocks shut their eyes when they crow... — You amaze me!... And why frogs have no tails, do you know that? — I have just learned it this very instant... — Say it, to instruct me... — It is because it would get in their way when they sit down. — Ah! bah!... You bowl me over... — Better than that... Well, I know, I am sure, you hear me plainly, I am sure that you are a little man as good as a picture (‘as good as a picture’ — fr. ‘sage comme une image’, perfectly well-behaved) and that you have not been unfaithful to me a single time... Adam is dumbfounded. — A thousand firecrackers! she has suddenly got some science, my wife has!... It is true, all the same, that I have never been unfaithful to her... Saprelotte of a saprelotte! it is prodigious!... And if I were to be unfaithful to you, would that be evil or would that be good?... — That would be evil, sir!... very evil!... She draws him beside her, on the bi of the end of the bench (‘on the bi of the end of the bench’ — fr. ‘sur le bi du bout du banc’, a scrap of a nonsense refrain meaning, with a wink, sitting very close together indeed). — Besides, Adam of my heart, it rests only with you to become learned like me, just as quickly and at as little cost... Bite into the apple... She holds out the apple to him. — It tempts me too, my dear little wife; but of what use will it be to us, to be learned as academicians, if we die of it this very day... For after all, one must reason it out: to die in a thousand years, at a pinch, would be all the same to me; but to break my pipe this very day, no, that would be stupid beyond everything... (‘to break my pipe’ — fr. ‘casser sa pipe’ is slang for to die, like the English ‘to kick the bucket’) Madame Adam shrugs her shoulders. — You do not seem to believe it, my pretty... But I, I know quite well what he said to me, the old Papa Good God; it was to myself that he spoke, and I assure you that he was categorical... Allow me to repeat to you his words textually: « As for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat thereof; for, the same day that thou shalt have eaten thereof, thou shalt die the death most certainly »... There is no haggling about it, you see; I set store by my skin, I do, if you set none by yours... — Adam, Adam, you make me laugh... Am I dead, say? — No, you are quite alive... Only, the day is not over; look out for the bomb!.. — Oh! how obstinate men are!... You may boast of having plenty of it, of obstinacy, my dear!... It is senseless, the time you take to understand that the old razor has been making fun of us (‘the old razor’ — fr. ‘le vieux rasoir’; ‘rasoir’, a razor, was slang for a crashing bore)... There, you have just cited the academicians... — Yes; and what then? — The academicians... are they wells of learning, those gentlemen? — Evidently. — Well, it is because they are wells of learning that the academicians are immortals... (‘immortals’ — fr. the members of the Académie française are traditionally styled ‘les Immortels’, which is the joke here) Adam is troubled by the argument. His spouse turns coaxing. — Come, were it only to please me, bite into the apple, my dear little man... When you have tasted of it after me, we shall both be like the gods... — Like the gods?... — Do not seek to understand... It is the serpent who said it... Adam, resolved: — Since it is the serpent who said it!... Give, give the apple... He crunches the apple greedily. Two minutes pass in silence; one might hear a Panamist fly. (‘one might hear a Panamist fly’ — fr. ‘on entendrait voler une mouche’, you could hear a fly buzz; ‘voler’ means both to fly and to steal, a ‘Panamist’ being one of the politicians and financiers who robbed the public in the Panama Canal scandal of 1892) All at once, Adam utters a cry; it is knowledge arriving in him. — Ventre-saint-gris! he cries, we are naked as worms!... This is a fine business!... (‘Ventre-saint-gris!’ — the favourite oath of King Henri IV of France) — Navel of the pope! says the woman in her turn, I have not even any garters!... It is indecent!... — And we who must go this evening to the ball of the orang-outangs!... Impossible to present ourselves in society, in so neglected a costume!... — Quick, quick, we must clothe ourselves!... « And the eyes of them both were opened; and, knowing that they were naked, they sewed together fig-leaves and made themselves girdles thereof. » (Genesis 3:7) 17. Adam and Eve have the sense of their nakedness. Note well that the first human costume was not of vine leaves; the glory of the invention of the vine was reserved for the patriarch Noah. Once clothed thus, the two spouses look at each other. — We are not too bad in this rig-out, says the husband. — As for me, the fig leaf suits me marvellously, says the woman... These garments are perhaps a little dusty; they have not been beaten since last season... Give me a brush down, Adam... Their contentment was not to be of long duration. « Then they heard, in the wind of the day which bloweth after noon, the voice of the Eternal God, who was walking (sic) in the garden. And Adam and his wife hid themselves from the face of the Eternal God, among the trees of the garden. » (Genesis 3:8) 18. Adam and Eve hide at the call of God. This Jehovah, one observes it again here, is well and truly a corporeal god: he walks about, he speaks; we have seen him knead and blow. Genesis therefore presents its God after the fashion of all the other mythologies. The various peoples of antiquity had, in fact, no other idea of the divinity; Plato passes for the first who made God of a substance more or less ethereal, which was not altogether body. The critics ask under what form God showed himself to Adam, and later to Cain, to the patriarchs, to the prophets, to all those to whom he spoke with his own mouth. The tonsured ones answer that he had a human form, and that he could not make himself known otherwise, having created man in his image. It is replied that the Israelite religion then singularly resembles, on this essential point, all the religions which the Catholic priests brand with the name of paganism; the ancient Romans, who had adopted the beliefs of the ancient Greeks, also understood the divinity only under a human aspect. This remark leads one to add: instead of its being God who made man in his likeness, might it not rather be man who imagined God in his own image? But let us not insist; for to lodge such an opinion in one’s brain is to devote oneself to the flames of hell. Let us only recall this malicious reflection of a philosopher: if cats had manufactured gods for themselves, they would have made them run after mice. Details, such as those of God’s walk in the garden of Eden, show peremptorily that it is in no way a question of a mystical allegory; the whole narrative of the sacred author is in the style of a true history. « 9. And the Eternal God called Adam, and said unto him: Adam, where art thou? » He was piteous and confused, master Adam, and his wife too was in no better case. They try to slip away, they hide; but, not a bit of it! how escape the divine gaze which hovers over all?... In vain do the unfortunates strive to conceal their persons from the looks of the Most High; behind them, everywhere, resounds the terrible call of the Lord, speaking as a powerful, severe master, and preparing to punish his servant, his slave, who has disobeyed him. No way of getting out of this bad pass; they are nabbed; they will have to confess the fault committed. Crestfallen, they will stammer out poor excuses. « 10. Adam answered: Lord, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself. » There they are then before the master, before this God who knows the future, who had foreseen the accident of the serpent and the apple, and who grows angry as though he had suspected nothing, as though what has just happened had not come about by his omnipotent will. Adam and his wife do not think of that in their agitation; they are going to hold the language of schoolboys caught in a fault: — Please sir, it was not I who began; it was she! — Please sir, I will not do it again, I am so sorry... Ah! no, for certain, I will not begin again, you may believe me!... « 11. And God said unto Adam: Who hath taught thee that thou wast naked? Thou must have eaten of that which I had forbidden thee to eat. 12. And Adam answered: The woman whom thou gavest me to be with me gave me of the fruit of the tree, and I ate thereof. 13. And God said unto the woman: Wherefore hast thou done that? And the woman answered: The serpent deceived me, and I ate of the fruit. » Now, master Elohim is going to distribute the punishments. He proceeds in order, and it is the one who was first guilty who will catch it first. Attention! « 14. Then the Eternal God said unto the serpent: Because thou hast done this, thou shalt be cursed among all the animals and beasts of the earth; thou shalt go upon thy belly henceforth, and thou shalt feed upon earth all the days of thy life. 15. And I will put enmities between thee and the woman, between thy children and the children of the woman; they shall seek to crush thy head, and thou shalt seek to bite them in the heel. » 19. God reproaches Adam and Eve with their sin. This chastisement inflicted upon the serpent proves, beyond possible reply, that the curés are humbugs when, with their mania for thrusting the devil in everywhere, they attribute the temptation of the woman to the demon having borrowed on that day the form of the reptile, to that Lucifer-Satan whose alleged revolt and defeat are inscribed in none of the books of the Bible. If Satan were the guilty one, God would evidently have ordered him to return forthwith to his infernal domicile and would have granted him a supplement of torture in the abode of darkness. Now, the punishment of the temptation strikes, solely and exclusively, the serpent as an animal and a beast of the earth. According to verse 14 of chapter 3, it is to be believed that this giver of perfidious counsels was previously an animal provided with feet; and it is indeed to him that God cut off the feet that day, since he condemned him to crawl thenceforward, — a chastisement which would be most unjust, if this beast had had nothing to do with the affair. — Suppose that the abbé Garnier should disguise himself one fine morning as an honest man, that he should take the costume and make himself up to look like old Ruel, who is a philanthropist, and that he should then go under that name and commit swindles; what would happen when he was at last locked up, unmasked and brought before the police court? would the tribunal condemn to fine and imprisonment the worthy old Ruel? No, certainly! it would pronounce its sentence against the true swindler, it would apply its judgment to the said Garnier, that is clear. The tonsured ones will therefore do well to renounce their fairy tale of Lucifer the tempter of the first woman; that hoax will not stand up. Or otherwise, in view of the sacred text, if they wish to maintain it all the same, they must say that the devil was craftier than the lord Jehovah, and that the latter, completely softened in the brain, saw nothing but the serpent in all this affair, did not perceive the least tip of Lucifer’s horn, and deprived the innocent serpent of its feet. My old Leo XIII, get out of that! To tell the truth, from whatever point of view one considers this extravagant episode, it must be recognized that the humbug Holy Ghost has once more made fun of the pious author who wrote under his dictation. If it is true that the children of the woman, human beings, have a general aversion for serpents, if it is true that in case of an encounter the former seek readily enough to crush the head of the latter, who on their side defend themselves or attack by seeking to bite the former in the foot or the leg, on the other hand there is one penalty pronounced by God against serpents which they have never undergone: serpents do not feed upon earth, never, never at all. This sentence has therefore been evaded, unless Jehovah declared the Bérenger law applicable upon this point (‘the Bérenger law’ — fr. ‘la loi Bérenger’ of 1891, which introduced the suspended sentence into French law); in which case, the Bible has forgotten to mention this indefinite reprieve. But, in order to savour the mystification of the Holy Ghost in all its merry mockery towards the credulous devout, one must consider the immense extent of the chastisement inflicted upon the serpent. What exactly was the tempting ophidian? The Bible does not specify; but it matters little: it is evident that it could not be at once a viper and a grass snake, or a boa and a rattlesnake; the species of ophidians which live upon our globe are very numerous. Let us admit that it was the grass snake which provoked Madame Adam to sin; let us admit even, if you will, that the chastisement of the grass snake is reasonable in extending to the posterity of that species, and that all the grass snakes of the future are logically deprived of feet to expiate the fault of the one in Eden... Now then, if the woman had not succeeded in drawing the man into her disobedience, she alone would have been punished, is it not so?... Well, poor serpents! the grass snake alone was guilty; but behold, at one and the same stroke, the asp, the naja, the rattlesnake, the cerastes, the slow-worm, the viper, the python, the cobra-capello, the rouleau, the elaps, the erpeton, the bothrops, the fer-de-lance, the atropos, the hypnale, the rhodostoma, the humbroni, the bungarus, the psammophis, the rat-eating eunectes, the oxyrhopus, the boa constrictor, the molure, and their posterity, have lost their feet and crawl for ever, in spite of their incontestable innocence!... « 16. God then said unto the woman: I will multiply thy miseries and thy pregnancies; and thou shalt bring forth in pain; and thou shalt be under the dominion of thy husband. » Unanimously, the commentators are of opinion that the penalties of this sentence aim not only at Madame Adam, but at all women until the end of the world. Without dwelling upon what this system has of injustice, or how it denotes a tolerably cracked God, we shall remark first of all that, if the first woman had known how to resist the seductions of the serpent, she would not have brought forth in sorrow. Before that day, she was therefore conformed in a fashion altogether different from what she was at her first lying-in. Consequently, in one second, that is to say at the very instant when he pronounced his decree, God overturned from top to bottom the organism of woman. One sees it: when the finger of God sets about it, it works astonishing things. In the second place, it is well to observe that, in spite of this omnipotence, Jehovah has not succeeded in making general the penalties which he decreed against the feminine sex: on the one hand, there are many women who are delivered without pain; on the other hand, those who wear the breeches in their household, those who lead their husband by the tip of the nose, instead of being under his domination, those are legion in all classes of society. « 17. Then God said unto Adam: Since thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the fruit of the tree which I had forbidden thee to eat, the earth shall be cursed because of thee, and thou shalt eat of it in labour all the days of thy life. 18. And the earth shall bring thee forth thorns and thistles; and thou shalt eat the herb of the fields. 19. And thou shalt eat thy bread in the sweat of thy brow, until thou return unto that earth whence thou wast taken; for thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return. » The same observation as above: the chastisement of Adam must strike all men as well; perfect unanimity of the theologians upon the interpretation of these three verses of Genesis. The most terrible part of the sentence is the condemnation to death. It is true that the ineffable Jehovah forgets what he had decreed previously, that is to say that in case of the guzzling of the forbidden fruit man should die the death on the very day of the offence (Genesis 2:17). This lapse of memory in Papa Good God earned the condemned a fairly considerable adjournment of the execution; in fact, if the Bible is to be believed, Adam lived on for... nine hundred and thirty years (Genesis 5:5). But if Adam had not eaten the apple, he would never have died, and we ourselves, all of us, should be immortal. Curious people ask: Then what would men have done on the day when the earth had been insufficient to contain them? for, Adam and his wife having received from their creation the faculty of multiplying, a moment would necessarily have come when their children and the children of their children would have peopled our planet in an exuberant fashion. It is evident that this problem is insoluble. And so, God had need, in some sort, that Adam should commit the sin: death appears thus as a necessity; but God was anxious that man should imagine himself to be wholly in the wrong, and that is why he set for our first parents the snare of the apple and gave speech to the serpent which he knew to be capable of temptation. If God exists such as the Bible represents him, it is so completely this, that the serpent has become dumb since that epoch, although the loss of speech does not figure among the penalties which were inflicted upon it. Another observation presents itself of itself to the mind, on the subject of the bread which Adam and his posterity were condemned to eat with a great reinforcement of sweat. It is probable that there was no bread in primitive times and that men then fed themselves like the savage tribes which still exist in our day. But let us not cavil for so small a matter, and let us admit that the lord Jehovah spoke by anticipation. The Jews, for whom the Bible was written, did in fact eat bread. Now the tonsured ones tell us that this book was not written exclusively for the Jews and that it is, in the name of the Holy Ghost, the religious law of the whole world. In that case, one is forced to recognize that bread is eaten only in countries where wheat grows: the Lapps, herdsmen of reindeer and fishers of seals, and, in general, all the peoples of the polar latitudes, are absolutely ignorant of the existence of flour; in numerous regions of the Indies, of America, of central and southern Africa, people live on fruits and on the produce of the chase. Will it be said that the word bread was employed by God figuratively and that it designates every kind of food? One may answer that the chastisement is not general either: if the workmen toil to feed themselves, if whoever lives by his labour finds himself thus stricken in consequence of the fault of Adam, it is not the same with the pleasure-seekers of life who are born rich, millionaires by inheritance. And the fat canons then! these, when they sweat, it is in summer, on account of their fat; it is not their work which makes them water their daily bread with sweat! Verse 18, in particular, is very malevolent towards the human species. Apart from bread, man is condemned to eat only the herb of the fields, like cattle; what will the earth produce for him? thorns and thistles. The pigeon is telling us a fine tale! (‘telling us a fine tale’ — fr. ‘nous la bailler belle’, an old idiom for telling someone a whopping tall story) In spite of God, men eat something other than bread and grass. Ask Lucullus. Or else, why does Jehovah not destroy, with strokes of lightning, the restaurants which permit themselves to display dishes of meat upon their bill of fare? Useless to insist. This is the occasion to say that Adam would have been well inspired in sending father Good God for a walk, since walking pleases Jehovah. But here is what happened after the pronouncing of the judgment: « 20. Then Adam named his wife Eva, because she is the mother of all the living. » The dear man had not yet thought of giving a name to his companion; until then he had confined himself to qualifying her as hommesse, as was seen at verse 23 of chapter 2. What is curious is that the name given by Adam to his spouse should be precisely a Hebrew name; Hévah (‘Hévah’ — fr. Taxil’s form of the Hebrew name; English Bibles render it ‘Eve’, from Hebrew Chawwah, ‘living’) signifies « life ». Whence one has the right to put this dilemma to the author of Genesis: either the language of our first parents is Hebrew, and then, that language not having been lost, the story of the tower of Babel must be struck out; or Adam gave his wife a name taken from the famous primitive language, today lost, and then the sacred author has committed a blunder. In one case as in the other, the inspiring pigeon has made fun, this time again, of the writer. Now, it is going to be seen that Jehovah did not immediately drive Adam and Eve from the earthly paradise, contrary to the widespread opinion. First, Papa Good God, finding their costume of fig leaves too summary, improvised himself a tailor. « 21. And the Eternal God made for Adam and for his wife robes of skins, and he clothed them therewith. » For the making of these garments, here then is a massacre of innocent beasts; the slaughterhouse was inaugurated by Elohim in person. After that, how would you have our first parents not have thought at once of using for their food the flesh of the animals so smartly immolated and skinned? Bosh for the diet of bread and grass! they must have said within themselves. And the lord Jehovah would quite well have left Adam and Eve to live and die in Eden, if, some time after having clothed them, he had not bethought himself of that marvellous tree of life, whose fruits the man and the woman had not had the idea of munching. « 22. Now, the Eternal God said to himself: Behold, the man is become as one of us (sic); he knoweth good and evil. But, now, care must be taken lest he also put forth his hand towards the tree of life, and pluck the fruit thereof and eat, and thus live eternally. » Such is verse 22 which the tonsured ones omit, and with reason, in their summaries of the Bible. Thus, it is clear, that: our two ninnies Adam and Eve, to whom the fruit of the tree of life had not been forbidden, foolishly neglected it; and if the man and the woman, while Jehovah was busy cutting out their costumes of skins, had had the happy inspiration to pounce upon one of those marvellous fruits and to swallow it quickly, it is the old raging judge who would have made a nose! (‘made a nose’ — fr. ‘faire un nez’, to pull a long face, to look put out)... Slap! his sentence became all at once unexecutable. Is it not so, that it is decidedly droll, the Holy Bible, as soon as one reads it closely?... Not only is he seeing things, this single God who lets slip an acknowledgment of the existence of several gods; but further, he, the alleged all-powerful, avows, like an imbecile, his impotence to apply his decree of condemnation to death. On what a little it turned, just see! With a little presence of mind, Adam and Eve would have made themselves immortal, in spite of God himself!!! And how the old Jehovah must have congratulated himself on having at last remembered that rascal of a tree of life!... no, words cannot tell it... For certain, he had tied a knot in his handkerchief. Without that!... « 23. And the Eternal God caused Adam to go forth from the garden of Eden, that he might till the earth whereof he had been kneaded. 24. Thus he drove out the man; and then he placed a Cherub before the entrance of the garden, with a blade of a sword of fire, which turned this way and that to keep the way of the tree of life. » 20. Adam and Eve driven from the earthly paradise. No mistake, is there?... It is indeed this unlucky tree of life which preoccupied master Elohim the most. At no price must Adam and Eve be able to return to it. But then what a confounded idea Papa Good God had had, to create that tree!... Come: with his knowledge of the future, he knew in a certain fashion that our first parents would sin and that he would condemn them to death, them and the whole human race; then this tree of life could be nothing but an embarrassment to him; it was so simple not to plant it!... Here is a precious Jehovah who would do no harm to put himself on a course of cold douches; after that, perhaps hydrotherapy establishments are conspicuous in heaven by their absence, although the beginning of Genesis has taught us the existence of upper waters, situated above the expanse in which the stars move... And again, this idea of immobilizing a Cherub with a flaming sword at the gate of Eden, that is what is stupid, oh! yes!... With a word, with a single effort of will, God could annihilate the troublesome tree of life, henceforth without reason to exist; and the All-Powerful never thought of it!... Well, so be it for the Cherub, a sentry without a sentry-box!... This Cherub is a precious orderly, in case the discovery of Eden should tempt some new Christopher Columbus. Come, an explorer of good will is wanted. Among my readers, does anyone wish to put down his name?... Since Papa Good God took the trouble to have the gate of Eden guarded, since he went so far as to take defensive measures to prevent humanity for ever from entering the road which leads to the tree of life, it follows that the earthly paradise and the marvellous tree still exist somewhere. If, in exploring the region where the sources of the Tigris and the Euphrates are, we perceive upon a road, in front of a portal, a Cherub brandishing a blade of a sword of fire, we shall have no doubt, we shall be able to say: We are there! it is here! A hundred thousand francs reward to whoever shall find the Cherub! And first of all, what exactly is this individual? « Cherub » is the word which figures in the Hebrew text of Genesis. This word signifies « an ox »; it comes from charab, « to plough ». In fact, the Hebrews had kept numerous memories of their servitude in Egypt, and they copied the Egyptians pretty largely in many usages, even in what concerned the minute details of worship; it is thus that they roughly sculptured oxen, of which they made kinds of sphinxes, composite animals, such as they placed in their sanctuaries. These figures had two faces, one of a man, one of an ox, and wings, as well as legs of a man and feet of an ox. Today, the tonsured ones have changed all that: of the Cherub they have made the Chérubin, and the Chérubins of the new worship are young chubby-cheeked angels, but without bodies, having only a child’s head with two little wings; one sees these comical angels in quantities of church pictures... It is probable that the angelic doorkeeper of the earthly paradise does not answer to this last description, and that it is, on the contrary, a Cherub in the Hebrew fashion, with a head of two faces, one of them an ox’s; which will enable our explorer to recognize him from afar. Or, if it is a Chérubin in the Catholic fashion, without body or hands, it must be with his teeth that he holds his flaming sword, and, in that way too, he will not be able to remain unnoticed. But I incline towards the porter with the half-human, half-bovine head. (‘Chérubin’ — fr. Taxil sets the Hebrew ‘Chérub’ against the French ‘Chérubin’, the plump winged infant head of church painting; English has only ‘cherub’ for both, so the French form is kept. ‘porter’ — fr. ‘pipelet’, Paris slang for a concierge, after a character in Eugène Sue’s Les Mystères de Paris) Courage then, to the search for Eden! notice to amateurs!... Even should we not succeed in penetrating it, the excursion will be interesting; one will at the very least make the tour of the garden, and one will fix the site upon the maps of geography, which, without that, would always be incomplete. Meanwhile, let us now see what Adam and Eve did, once outside the earthly paradise, and having the entire knowledge of good and evil... including seasickness. (‘seasickness’ — fr. ‘le mal’ means both ‘evil’ and ‘sickness’, so ‘le mal de mer’, seasickness, is smuggled into the knowledge of good and evil) CHAPTER 2 Short history of the first men Holy Scripture does not abound in biographical details on the account of the first men. The fourth chapter of Genesis cuts short the suppositions of the jovial commentators, who wished to see the work of love in the story of the apple, gathered by Eve, on the counsel of the serpent, and eaten in common with Adam. It is after the expulsion from Eden that our first parents set about making themselves a posterity. The text of the Bible is sufficiently explicit. « 1. Now, Adam knew Eve his wife, who then conceived and brought forth Cain; and she said: I have gotten a man by the Eternal. 2. She brought forth also Abel his brother. And Abel was a shepherd, and Cain was a tiller of the ground. » Persons who have not deepened the study of theology and of theologians are a thousand leagues from suspecting the extravagant discussions which this grave affair of the conception of the first human baby has stirred up among the Jewish and Christian commentators. In spite of the above text, some, not finding it clear enough yet, and partisans all the same of the work of love accomplished in Eden, have put forward the opinion that Eve, scarcely created, lost her virginity, and that the serpent profited, to tempt her, by the moment when Adam was asleep in order to rest from his conjugal fatigues. The others, having at their head St. Jerome, who composed the Vulgate by translating directly from the Hebrew, are of opinion that verse 1 of chapter 4 of Genesis proves that Adam never dreamed of knowing Eve until they were driven from paradise. And the appreciations have not stopped there!... The theologians who have adopted St. Jerome’s way of seeing have divided among themselves, in virtue of the fine reasoning which follows: it being admitted that the consummation of the marriage took place after the departure from Eden, there is no motive for its having been immediately, there and then; then, when? at what precise moment?... When one is a theologian, one wants to rummage into everything; those men are of an unimaginable curiosity, above all in questions of this sort. There have therefore been people who have retailed that Adam deferred for fifteen years and even thirty years the decisive operation. Others push the thing still further and gravely maintain that Adam and Eve, by a common resolution and in order to weep for their sin, broke their continence only at the end of... a hundred years! You think that is the end?... Ah! how little you know the theologians! Some have unearthed a tradition, in virtue of which Adam is supposed to have remained excommunicated for a hundred and fifty years for having eaten of the forbidden fruit, and to have lived during that time with a woman who, like him, had been formed of the earth and whom they name Lilia; they add that he begot devils by his commerce with this woman, and that at last he married Eve, when his excommunication was lifted, and that then he begot men. It is just to say that this opinion has not prevailed. Finally, other commentators, likewise qualified as heretics and cited by St. Epiphanius, have maintained that the devil had had to do with Eve as a husband with his wife, and that even after the departure from Eden, and that he had had by her Cain and Abel. Here then are compensations: Adam leaves Eve to make devils with another woman, and the devil goes to find Eve to make men with her. And the question of Eve’s confinements?... The dear theologians have found in it too an inexhaustible mine of controversies. But that would lead us too far. Lastly, let us recall a celebrated and learned dissertation of the German Reinhardt, in which is agitated the question of knowing whether, yes or no, Adam and Eve had a navel!... All that is nonsense, as the other fellow says. Let us come to what is serious, seeing that what is serious in the Bible is none the less enough to make one die of laughing. So then Abel was a shepherd, and Cain a tiller of the soil (Genesis 4:2); and we are soon going to see that old crack-brain of a Jehovah prefer Abel to Cain. Now, I beg you to reflect upon it for one second only: which of the two sons of Adam, if you please, had obeyed God in the choice of his profession? It is Cain, by Jove! since the Eternal had ordered humanity to cultivate the earth and to feed itself exclusively on what the fields should produce, save for turning the wheat into bread. Abel, for his part, sets up as a shepherd; if he kept and reared flocks of sheep, it was evidently not for the pleasure of watching them graze while threading pearls (‘threading pearls’ — fr. ‘enfiler des perles’, to waste one’s time on idle trifles); it is, in reality, because he appreciated the sheep above all from the point of view of the leg and the cutlets, on which he regaled himself, that stands to reason. Abel therefore squarely contravened the formal and recent divine prescriptions; and it is he who was the little darling of the lord Jehovah!... Decidedly, O priceless curés, it is not in your tabernacles that you must shut up your Papa Good God; it is in a cell at Charenton. (‘Charenton’ — the celebrated lunatic asylum near Paris) « 3. Now, it came to pass at the end of some time that Cain offered in oblation unto the Eternal of the fruits of the earth; 4. And that Abel also offered of the firstborn of his flock, and of their fat. And the Eternal was content with Abel and with his presents; 5. But he was not content with Cain nor with his presents. And Cain was irritated, and his countenance was cast down. » 21. Offerings of Abel to God. There was indeed reason to take it ill. « 6. And the Eternal said unto Cain: Why art thou angry and why is thy countenance cast down? 7. If thou doest well, shall it not be received? But, if thou doest not well, the penalty of sin is at the door. Now, its desires relate unto thee; and it shall be under thy power. » 22. Offerings of Cain. The Bible mentions no reply of Cain to God. I confess that, had I found myself in his place, the incomprehensible gibberish of verse 7 would have completely dumbfounded me. Cain was not a prophet. Otherwise, neglecting the aforesaid gibberish, he might have answered his interlocutor: — So it is the offerings of meat that you prefer, my old Jehovah?... Well then, you are setting an example which will be followed by the pagan sacrificers... You have precisely the same tastes as the idols will have, and these tastes will later be declared gross and unworthy of the divinity... do you know by whom?... by the very priests of Catholicism. But Cain made no reply. This man, who had taken so much trouble to bring to a good end the cultivation of his melons, who offered to the Lord his most succulent cantaloups and who saw them despised, this man understood that God was making fun of him into the bargain, and he was so vexed at it that he lost his head for a moment. Instead of bearing a grudge against the capricious and impolite Jehovah, he committed the fault of taking it out on his brother. « 8. And Cain said unto Abel his brother: Let us go forth. And when they were in the fields, Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. » 23. Murder of Abel by Cain. It did not drag on, one sees; Cain was an expeditious fellow. He invites his brother to take a little stroll outside; he draws him off into the fields, under some pretext or other, to look for beetles together, for example. Once there, quickly a German quarrel, about boots (‘a German quarrel, about boots’ — fr. ‘une querelle d’Allemand, à propos de bottes’: a dispute picked over absolutely nothing); then, a good blow with a pickaxe on the head. Slap! that is done. And it is the darling of Papa Good God who, in humanity, has the first use of death. After which, what passes in Cain’s noddle? Is he annihilated at the spectacle of his crime?... Not at all. He is suddenly metamorphosed into a hardened scoundrel, into game for the convict-prison. (‘game for the convict-prison’ — fr. ‘gibier de bagne’, one destined for the hulks) He has not the least remorse, and he, but a moment ago so dejected, is going to show himself insolent towards the lord Jehovah, who will inspire him with no fear whatever. « 9. And the Eternal said unto Cain: Where is Abel thy brother? And Cain answered him: I know nothing of it; am I my brother’s keeper, I? » 24. « Cain, what hast thou done with thy brother? » One seems to see the picture: Papa Good God appearing at the corner of a cloud and calling out to the murderer, and Cain who sends him something like And your sister? (‘And your sister?’ — fr. ‘Et ta sœur?’, a common Parisian retort meaning ‘mind your own business’) with the perfect serenity of a professional criminal, who believes he has made every trace of the assassination disappear and thumbs his nose at the gendarmes. Now, Jehovah had not missed a detail of the drama; his divine eye was not at fault, this time. « 10. And God said: What hast thou done? The voice of thy brother’s blood crieth from the earth unto me. » 25. The blood of the victim rises up against the assassin. It is clear that a terrible chastisement is going to punish so much villainy and effrontery. Let us then see the sequel of Jehovah’s discourse: « 11. Therefore, now, thou shalt be cursed even by the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive from thy hand thy brother’s blood! 12. When thou shalt till the earth, she shall no more yield thee her fruit; and thou shalt be also a vagabond and a fugitive upon all the earth. » Here is Cain condemned to vagabondage, to have neither fire nor place, to walk always without being able to stop anywhere, forerunner of the legendary Wandering Jew. But, if he is going to be a fugitive without rest or truce, he will not at the same time be a ploughman, which is an essentially sedentary profession; how would he set about ploughing, even to pure loss? — If a man charged with vagabondage proves to the tribunal that he is a ploughman, if he establishes that he possesses a field and that he cultivates it, his acquittal is certain; the accusation has collapsed, he is not a vagabond. Thereupon, Cain gets the funk, such a fright that he loses sight of the fact that humanity is composed in all of three persons, his father, his mother and himself, and he imagines that he may be killed in his turn by the other men, who do not exist. That is a pretty cerebral derangement, that is! Well, it is there in so many words in the Bible. « 13. And Cain said unto the Eternal: My punishment is greater than I can bear. 14. Behold: thou hast driven me out this day from off this earth, and I shall hide myself from before thy face, and I shall be a vagabond and a fugitive upon all the earth; then it shall come to pass that whosoever meeteth me shall kill me. » At this, the wrath of old Jehovah calms down. He does not remit Cain’s condemnation to perpetual vagabondage; but, losing in his turn the sense of the situation, he does not wish the penalty to be aggravated. And so he takes Cain under his protection against these impossible assassins. If that is not delirium, I ask what will be! « 15. And the Eternal said unto Cain: Whosoever shall kill Cain shall be punished sevenfold double. And God set a mark upon Cain, that those who should meet him might not kill him. » 26. Cain is marked with a sign of reprobation. One expects to read now some account of Cain’s vagabondage. Ah! well, no, indeed! Nobody was ever more sedentary than this fugitive. « 16. Then, Cain went out from before the face of the Eternal, and he came to dwell in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden. 17. There, Cain knew his wife, who conceived and brought forth Enoch; and he built a city which he called Enoch, after the name of his son. » We learn thereby that Cain married: the author does not say whom; but it follows as a matter of course that Adam and Eve had daughters, of whom the Bible has neglected to speak, and that Cain married one of his sisters. We shall not make a crime of it for him; incest was obligatory in the first ages of humanity. What rather makes us leap, so great is our surprise, is this city founded by Cain. It is already a strong thing, a vagabond who builds a city; but what workmen had he in his service? what instruments were used to construct the houses? and where in short did Cain recruit citizens to people his city of Enoch?... And the humbug Holy Ghost made the pious author whom he was inspiring swallow this fine story!... The following verses give us the descent of Cain. Enoch begets Irad; Irad begets Mehujael; Mehujael begets Methushael. Of these personages one knows nothing but their name. Methushael begets a certain Lamech, greedier in marriage than his noble forefathers. The venerable Lamech is, in fact, the inventor of polygamy; he treats himself to two wives for his own single self, which proves that the article was beginning to be no longer rare. By his wife Adah he had two sons, named Jabal and Jubal, and by his wife Zillah he had a son, Tubal-Cain, and a daughter, Naamah. It appears that the sons of Jabal preferred the country to the city built by their ancestor Cain; for they were the first upon earth to dwell under tents (Genesis 4:20). As for the sons of Jubal, the city pleased them, on the contrary, and they were the gayest of the family; they loved music. « Jubal was the father of all those who play the violin and the organ. » (Genesis 4:21) Tubal-Cain, for his part, was the biblical Vulcan: « he forged all sorts of instruments of brass and iron. » (Genesis 4:22) The polygamist Lamech seems to have lodged in his ceiling a spider of a fairly fine size (‘lodged in his ceiling a spider’ — fr. ‘avoir une araignée au plafond’, to have a screw loose); for Genesis reports of him a speech which has the merit of being short, but which no commentator has ever been able to understand. « 23. Now, Lamech said one day unto Adah and unto Zillah, his wives: Wives of Lamech, hearken well unto my words. I will kill a man, if I be wounded; I will kill even a young man, if I be bruised. 24. For, if Cain was to be avenged sevenfold double, I, Lamech, shall be avenged seventy times seven times. » This discourse astounded Mesdames Adah and Zillah in the highest degree; they were, no doubt, as though petrified by it and did not ask the least explanation. Holy Scripture passes immediately to the mention of the birth of Seth, third son of Adam. « 25. And Adam knew again his wife who brought forth a son and called him Seth; for God, said she, hath given me another son, in replacement of Abel whom Cain slew. « 26. And, a son was born to Seth, and he called him Enos. It is then that men began to invoke the name of Jehovah. » The fifth chapter of Genesis is devoted solely to giving the genealogy of Noah, descendant of Adam by Seth. The sacred author occupies himself no more with the descent of Cain. We find therefore the following order, in which only the eldest sons are named: Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, Methuselah, Lamech, Noah. But the most curious thing in this chapter is the affirmation of the extraordinary longevity of all these patriarchs. Adam was a hundred and thirty years old when he had Seth, and he lived eight hundred years more. Seth died at nine hundred and twelve years; Enos, at nine hundred and five years; Cainan, at nine hundred and ten years, etc. The one who died youngest was Lamech, father of Noah; this Lamech, who must not be confounded with the crack-brained polygamist of a moment ago, deceased in the seven hundred and seventy-seventh spring of his age. Enoch, son of Jared, was craftier than all the others; he quite simply did not die. « 21. Enoch lived sixty-five years, and he then begat Methuselah. 22. And Enoch, after he had begotten Methuselah, walked with God during three hundred years; and he begat sons and daughters. 23. All the time therefore that Enoch lived was three hundred and sixty-five years. 24. Now, Enoch, having thus walked with God, appeared no more, because God took him away. » (Genesis, ch. 5) 27. Enoch, an old patriarch, is caught up to heaven. This episode is too fine; any commentary whatever would deflower it. Let us admire! As for Methuselah, it is he who unhooked the timbale of longevity (‘unhooked the timbale’ — fr. ‘décrocher la timbale’, to carry off the prize, from the drum-shaped cup once hung at the top of a greasy pole at fairs). He had sinew, the good man; judge of it. He lived in continence until the age of a hundred and eighty-seven years, happy epoch at which he treated himself to the luxury of having a brat, and, after the birth of young Lamech II, he found the means of living seven hundred and eighty-two years more, giving to the very end proofs of his virility. 28. Methuselah is a father at a hundred and eighty-seven years. « 26. Methuselah, after he had begotten Lamech, lived seven hundred and eighty-two years, begetting still sons and daughters. » (Textual!) Total: nine hundred and sixty-nine years. No small matter!... People were hard to kill, in those days. And father Noah?... «30. Lamech called his son Noah, saying: This one shall relieve us of our work and of the labour of our hands, upon this earth which the Eternal hath cursed... 33. And Noah had passed five hundred years, when he begat Shem, Ham and Japheth. » To be five hundred years old, and only then to set about billing and cooing with one’s little wife?... Better late than never!... Much ink has been made to flow on the subject of the extraordinary longevity of the patriarchs of Genesis. Catholic doctors, feeling how far too difficult these hoaxes were to digest, have attempted to save the narratives of the Holy Ghost from ridicule; they have advanced that one ought perhaps to understand years as lunations, insinuating that at that epoch people no doubt reckoned solely by moons. At that rate, Methuselah would have died an octogenarian, that is all. But these obliging commentators have been roundly snubbed by the fanatics who set store by these miracles of longevity of the first men. Canon Rohrbacher, among others, in his Universal History of the Church, declares that it is indeed a question of years of twelve months, and he cites, notably, the example of Abraham, who, according to Genesis, « died in a happy old age, being very aged and full of days, having lived a hundred and seventy-five years » (Genesis 25:7-8). If one had to reckon by lunations, Abraham would then have lived only fourteen years and seven months in all, says Rohrbacher, and that would not accord with the expressions employed by the sacred author. The same theologian, in order to prove that the years indicated in Genesis are really of twelve months, cites again several personages whose age at the moment of the birth of their first-born the divine text makes known: Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel begot at the age of ninety, of seventy, of sixty-five years; reckoning by lunations, says Rohrbacher, it would then have to be admitted that they had children at the age of seven years and a half, of five years ten months, of five years five months! And Nahor, who begot at twenty-nine years, according to the biblical text, can one reasonably believe, cries the learned canon, that this means that he was in reality two years and five months old when he had his first child?... No, good Rohrbacher, and it is you who are in the right: the years of which Genesis speaks are incontestably of twelve months. And so, nothing is more amusing than the case of the good man Noah, who waited until he was a full five hundred years old before he got down to hanky-panky. CHAPTER 3 The angels living in concubinage on earth Here we have arrived at one of the most curious passages of the Bible, one of those whose suppression in the manuals of sacred history best shows the coolness of the priests in their art of manufacturing and remodelling dogmas. Here are fellows who drum into their flocks in every key that the Bible is an essentially divine work, that it was written under the direct inspiration of the Holy Ghost, that everything written therein is truth itself, the most perfect and the purest truth, that it is the venerable book par excellence. If then our tonsured ones thought what they say, they ought, full of respect for the Bible, to make it known integrally to the devout, not to hide a single verse of it. For, in matters of religious belief, one must accept a sacred book such as it is; or, if one eliminates such and such a passage from it, because it is in contradiction with certain points of theological science which have been declared articles of faith, the whole book is to be rejected, it is no longer sacred, but contemptible; the falsehood of one fact, in the course of a chapter, suffices to destroy the renown of divine inspiration of the whole work. Now, the curés, as soon as they have named Noah, approach without transition the story of the flood and say succinctly that the corruption of men put God in wrath and decided him upon this general drowning, with the sole exception of one family whose head had remained a just man. That is not the Bible, that!... It speaks of something else; it says, in four verses, what was the first cause of this corruption of men. Gentlemen curés, you have no right to pass over in silence this important episode of your Holy Scripture. If it embarrasses you today, so much the worse! the Holy Ghost had only not to dictate it to the writer of the Pentateuch!... Certainly, the pill is bitter; but, St. Jerome and the Fathers of the Church having swallowed it formerly, swallow it, dear tonsured ones, in your turn. The pill, which the modern Catholic theologians strive to spit out again without noise and of which they would much like that no trace should remain, is composed of the first four verses of the sixth chapter of Genesis: « 1. Now, it came to pass that, when men had begun to multiply upon the earth and had begotten daughters; 2. The angels of God (literally: the sons of God), seeing that the daughters of men were fair, came and lay with all those who had best pleased them. 3. Then, the Eternal said: My spirit shall no more dwell with men; for, now, they are become too carnal. Their life, therefore, shall no more exceed six times twenty years. 4. It is in that time that there were giants upon the earth, and that after the angels of God had coupled with the daughters of men and when these had given them children; these children, so born, are those mighty men, who in all times have had a great renown. » Although Genesis has not related to us the history of the creation of the angels, here is the second time that it speaks to us of these supernatural beings; the first mention is that of the Cherub, placed at the gate of Eden. It is therefore useful to say a few words about the belief in angels among the Jews. The Christians, in grafting their worship upon the Israelite religion, have imagined articles of faith of which one finds no trace in the Bible: it is thus that there was manufactured out of whole cloth, long after the epoch assigned to the life of Jesus Christ, the story of the revolt of Satan and of his defeat by the archangel St. Michael. Now, as we are examining the Bible principally from the point of view of the Catholic belief, it is here that it appears useful to us to occupy ourselves with this addition. At some time or other, then, master Jehovah said to himself that it was not enough, for an Almighty like himself, to have created the heaven and the earth. Since he was peopling the earth, why should he not people the heaven as well? He had been bored in the chaos; he was bored worse than ever, all alone, in his paradise. As with nothing he could manufacture masses of objects and of animated beings, he had created angels whose part was to form an agreeable company for him. After which, he had treated himself to a fine armchair with his monogram, in order to preside becomingly over the celestial assembly. And, to divert him, the angels sang all the time; in their quality of supernatural beings, they do not get tired. 29. Jehovah creates angels to divert himself. But now the finest of all the angels, a fellow to whom the tonsured ones have given the name of Lucifer, eyed out of the corner of his eye the seat of the Most High and conceived the audacious dream of substituting himself for his creator as president of paradise. His criminal attempt appeared a delicious farce to some angels to whom the exercise of singing seemed monotonous, and they associated themselves with the rebel, while the great majority showed themselves scandalized in the highest degree. 30. Lucifer, a proud angel, wants to take the place of Jehovah. It was then that Michael, a faithful angel, a regular poodle for devotion, took it upon himself to make the cause of God triumph by administering to Lucifer a formidable drubbing. The rebel angel was cast down into hell, created subito in his honour; his accomplices tumbled down there at the same time; and father Jehovah was able to replace his divine posterior in the presidential armchair. 31. The angel Michael drives Lucifer from paradise. Such is, succinctly, the legend of which the Catholic pastors have made a dogma for their trembling flocks; for, at bottom, this episode serves above all to give the shivers to the devout of both sexes. Beware, pious sheep! if you do not obey the gentlemen priests, you will go and rejoin the bad angels in the very depths of hell. In the Hebrew Bible, when there is question of devils, that is to say in books incontestably written after the captivity of Babylon (a thousand years after the death of Moses, let us not forget it), the most important of these demons is called Satan; but these devils are evil genii, without any other explanation; they are in no way represented as rebels, expelled from the celestial paradise and chained in a hell of flames. Thus, in the legend of Job, the evil genius Satan walks about in heaven, comes and goes there as if he were at home, argues there with Jehovah. In seeing these devils of the last books of the Bible take their ease so thoroughly and endure no torture, the critics have remarked that this was exactly the belief of the Chaldeans, of the Persians, whose sacred books go back to a higher antiquity than those of the Jews. It has been concluded from this that the Israelites, during the long captivity of Babylon, had added to their beliefs a part of those of the peoples with whom they had been in contact. Moreover, the name which the Jews then adopted to designate the principal devil betrays the borrowing made from the religion of Chaldea or Babylonia; for Satan is not a Hebrew word, but indeed a Chaldean word, which signifies « hatred ». The Holy Ghost had therefore hidden from the people of God not only the history of the revolt of a certain number of angels, but even the true name of the principal devil, since the latter is never named Lucifer in the Bible. It is the Christians who have discovered all that. However, the Fathers of the Church have claimed to find at all costs a mention of Lucifer in the Old Testament; and, for that, they have had recourse to a subterfuge deceiving cleverly enough the flocks who believe them on their word and read of the Bible only what they are allowed to read. This artful subterfuge deserves to be seen through, and I ask the reader to pardon me a small necessary digression. It is in the prophecies of Isaiah, at chapter 14, verse 12, say the tonsured ones, that there is question of Lucifer under that very name, and they cite the beginning of the verse, but falsifying it by means of the Latin translation of St. Jerome, called the Vulgate. Here is the passage in question. In this chapter 14, Isaiah, as a good Jew furious that the Babylonians have long held his nation in captivity, exhales his patriotic anger and announces to the king of Babylon that his kingdom will in its turn undergo decadence and will be ruined from top to bottom. « The Eternal, crieth Isaiah, shall have pity on Jacob and shall yet choose Israel; and he shall re-establish the Israelites in their land... Israel, thou shalt then mock the king of Babylon, and thou shalt say: How doth the tyrant rest? How resteth that city which was all of gold? The Eternal hath broken the staff of the wicked and the rod of the rulers... He shall raise up from their seats all the chief ones of the earth, all the kings of the nations. — They shall all take up the word and shall say to the king of Babylon: Thou also hast been weakened like us! thou hast been made like unto us! — Thy magnificence hath been brought down into the sepulchre, with the noise of thy instruments; thou art laid upon a couch of worms, and the vermin covereth thee » (verses 9- 10- 11). « 12. How art thou fallen from heaven, O Hélel, star that didst rise in the morning? Thou who didst tread down the nations, thou art cast down to the earth. 13. Thou saidst in thy heart: I will ascend even unto the heavens, I will lift up my throne above the stars of the strong God; I shall be seated upon the mountain of the assembly, beside Aquilon... » « And nevertheless thou hast been brought down to the sepulchre, to the bottom of the pit. — Those who shall see thee, shall look upon thee saying: Is not this that man who made the earth to tremble and who shook the kingdoms, who reduced the world to a desert, who destroyed the cities and gave not back liberty to his prisoners? — All the kings of the nations, all of them as many as they are, are dead with glory, each in his own palace. — But thou, thou hast been cast far from thy sepulchre, like a rotten trunk, like a garment of people slain, run through with the sword, who are gone down among the stones into a pit, and like a dead body trodden under foot. » It really needs the cheek of a priest to maintain that Isaiah was speaking of Lucifer-Satan in this chapter 14. It is indeed the king of Babylon that is in question; this overflow of anger, this flood of threats, all that is addressed to the king of Babylon, solely, exclusively. Now, how did St. Jerome effect the falsification of the text?... Embarrassed by the Greek version of the Septuagint, Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, and, profiting by the fact that Isaiah incidentally compares the king of Babylon to the morning star, named Hélel (dawn) among the Jews and Lucifer (light-bearer) among the Romans, he wrote thus the first part of verse 12: « Quomodo cecidisti de cœlo, LUCIFER, qui mane oriebaris? How art thou fallen from heaven, Lucifer, thou who didst rise in the morning. » And our tonsured ones, adopting this inexact translation, taking good care not to tell their flocks that the original Hebrew text bears Hélel (‘Hélel’ — fr. Taxil’s transcription of Hebrew הֵילֵל, ‘shining one’, the morning star) and that it is a question of the king of Babylon compared to the star Venus, the morning star, our tonsured ones, taking care not to put the rest of the chapter before the eyes of the gulls whose savings they pocket, cry out, with airs of triumph: — The fall of Lucifer is mentioned in the Bible! Isaiah has spoken of it! As assurance, that is steep... Now, in this same chapter, at verse 28, Isaiah says that he pronounced his prophecy in the year in which king Ahaz died, that is in 723 before Jesus Christ. Even supposing that Isaiah did not write his prophecy after the event, it must be recognized that the author speaks in the future, from the first line to the last. If then this fall from heaven applied to Lucifer-Satan, it would have taken place after the death of king Ahaz! And the Catholic priests say elsewhere that it is this same Lucifer, become a devil, who tempted Eve under the form of the serpent! What a salad of contradictions!... Come, here is yet another Catholic hoax to be struck out once for all. From this digression, which it was important to make, the reader will retain the definitive proof of the total absence of the legend of Lucifer revolted and vanquished, in the sacred books of the Jews. We return therefore to the angels of chapter 6 of Genesis, and we are going to have recourse to sources, likewise very sacred, from which we shall draw more details upon the concubinage of these good angels with the fair daughters of men. The manuals of sacred history, for the use of the simple faithful, make no allusion, that is understood, to the adventure revealed by the four verses which I reproduced just now; but these four verses are not cut out of the biblical editions reserved for the curés. That is not all: the tonsured ones have another book for themselves alone, a book which they surround with a great veneration, without divulging it, and which is called the Book of Enoch. Enoch, you have not forgotten, is that patriarch of three hundred and sixty-five years, of whom Jehovah took a fancy and whom he carried off to heaven, not in the state of a soul, but in flesh and bone, as Jupiter carried off Ganymede, of whom he too had taken a fancy. Now, according to a tradition, Enoch wrote a book, which he did not carry away to paradise, fortunately; he bequeathed it to his son Methuselah, and Noah, it is said, put the precious manuscript in the ark. Nevertheless, the book of Enoch was long lost. It is said that it existed, — nobody knows where, by the way! — in the time of the apostles. The proof given of it is in the New Testament. There, the epistle of St. Jude expresses itself thus, at verses 14-15: « It is of them also (the ungodly) that Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied in these terms: Behold, the Lord cometh with his thousands of saints, to execute judgment against all, and to convict all the ungodly of all their works of ungodliness. » Since St. Jude has cited a passage of this book, it is because he knew it, by Jove! And, for several centuries, the theologians asked themselves: What has become of the book of Enoch? At last, a fairly celebrated traveller, the Scotsman James Bruce, discovered in Abyssinia the famous book; to tell the truth, it is upon an Ethiopian version that he laid his hand, for it is little probable that Enoch wrote his fine stories in the language of Menelik... Just see, all the same, how useful it is to have a providence, when one is a theologian! Written by Enoch in the language of before the tower of Babel, this marvellous book had had the good fortune, although the primitive language was abruptly lost, to find a Hebrew translator; then this Hebrew translation, known to the apostles and to the first fathers of the Church, had vanished like a conjurer’s nutmeg. Crack! a Scotsman discovers, towards the end of the eighteenth century, a complete Ethiopian version of it among the ancestors of Menelik. Thank you, divine providence! Our Bruce brought his find to the Bodleian library at Oxford; immense joy of the theologians; new translations, of which the first (1838) was printed in English and had for author Mgr Richard Laurence, archbishop of Cashel, in Ireland. The book of Enoch is divided into eleven sections. It is in section 2 that is related the story of the loves of the angels with the daughters of men. « The number of men having prodigiously increased, they had very beautiful daughters. Now, the most brilliant of the angels became enamoured of them, and they were drawn, by that fact, into many errors. They stirred one another up, and they said one to another: Let us go upon earth, and let us choose ourselves wives from among the fairest daughters of men. Then, Semiazas, whom God had created prince of the most brilliant angels, said unto them: Such a project is excellent; but I fear that ye will not dare to put it into execution and that I shall remain the only one of us all to make children to the fair daughters of men. All answered: Let us swear an oath to execute our project, and let us devote ourselves to the anathema if we fail therein. They united themselves therefore by oath and made imprecations. They were two hundred in number, at first. It was the time wherein lived Jared (father of Enoch). They set out together, came down from heaven, and came upon the mountain Hermonim, or mount of the oaths. And these are the names of the twenty chief among them: Semiazas, Atarcuph, Araciel, Chobabiel, Horammame, Ramiel, Sampsich, Zaciel, Balciel, Azalcel, Pharmarus, Amariel, Anagemas, Thausaël, Samiel, Sarinas, Eumiel, Tyriel, Jumiel, Sariel. They and the others, and yet others, took wives in the year eleven hundred and seventy of the creation of the world. From that commerce were born the giants, etc., etc. » 32. The angels come down upon the earth. One sees that there is in no way a question of a revolt against God: the most brilliant of the angels, having at their head the prince Semiazas, who is neither Lucifer nor Satan, go on a pleasure party upon earth, that is all. It is true that, their example being followed by a great number, Jehovah, seeing himself forsaken, began to grumble; however, he was a long time in getting altogether angry, and upon the cause of the great definitive wrath the book of Enoch and Genesis are not absolutely in agreement. This is the occasion to say: There is magic underneath it. You shall see. According to Genesis: in consequence of the relations of the angels with the fair human women, men became too carnal. A theologian might treat the question. In fact, he would say, if the fair daughters found a relish in the adventure and showed themselves insatiable, the angels were in a position to satisfy them, and that must have excited the emulation of simple men, their rivals. But what could that possibly matter to Papa Good God? we shall answer; had he not recommended humanity to increase and multiply?... The book of Enoch does not present the facts under the same aspect. The angels, become papas, took an interest in their children and were, for the giants, professors out of the common. Not only did they teach them to fashion jewels and precious stones (sic); but further, they taught them magic, the art of reading the future in the stars. Moreover, they initiated their concubines into the great mysteries. One understands what followed: the young ladies who were mistresses of the angels and their giant bastards were soon superior to the other men; what humbuggeries one can play upon one’s contemporaries, when one is a magician!... « The earth complained and resounded with cries of pain. » Moved by the sorrows of the earth, the four angels of harmony asked God to put a term to these evils. Meanwhile, the sieur Azazel, one of the angels who slept with the daughters of men, had picked a quarrel with Semiazas, had given him a thrashing, and had taken his place as chief of the gadabouts upon earth. God sent the angel Raphael to combat the angel Azazel, and our Azazel, vanquished, was shut up by Raphael in a cavern, in the desert of Dudael. On the other hand, God found the deluge necessary: in order to prevent the giants from continuing their exercises of magic, he was going to drown everybody, including the simple men who suffered from the sorcerers. As for the angels, who had gone to lead upon earth a life of chair-rungs (‘a life of chair-rungs’ — fr. ‘une vie de bâtons de chaise’, a wild, disorderly life), they should return to heaven and would have to remain very good henceforward. 33. Jehovah is forsaken It is, no doubt, since that epoch that the angels are sexless beings: father Jehovah, to guarantee himself against fresh escapades, must have obliged them to deposit their security, as the pashas do with regard to any gentleman applying for employment in their seraglio. The curés are therefore greatly in the wrong to suppress this episode in their manuals of sacred history; one would at least know why the angels are eunuchs! Is it necessary to add that the poor beggar of an angel Azazel, forgotten in the cavern where Raphael had locked him up, was, naturally, drowned at the time of the universal inundation?... Let us shed a tear over his sad fate. Go and say, after that, that it is not providential that the book of Enoch has been found again!... In short, it had not embarrassed the first Christians, since St. Jude cites it expressly: several Fathers of the Church did not fail, in their turn, to speak of it as of a very well-known book: Origen, whom St. Jerome called the master of the Churches, invoked its authority; Tertullian accords a great veneration to this work in his Treatise on Paganism. The book of Enoch was therefore held in honour in Catholicism until the fourth century. Later, reflecting that it consolidated the four tiresome first verses of chapter 6 of Genesis, the priests made it disappear; but fragments were able to be preserved and have been cited by Scaliger, Semler and Fabricius. Finally, one must thank archbishop Laurence, who translated the Ethiopian version brought back by James Bruce. In seeing what idea the Jews formed of the angels, we observe that the Catholics have today changed all that, and yet they declare that the Israelite nation was the people of God and they have adopted as divinely inspired its religious books. Thus the Jews classed the angels in a hierarchy of ten degrees: 1. the Kadoschim, or most holy; 2. the Ofamim, or swift; 3. the Oralim, or strong; 4. the Chasmalim, or flame-angels; 5. the Seraphim, or spark-angels; 6. the Malachim, or messengers; 7. the Elohim, or divine; 8. the Ben-Elohim, or children of the gods; 9. the Cherubim, or ox-angels; 10. the Ychim, or animated. But pope Gregory I was of opinion to distribute the angels quite otherwise, and since then one has had the following division, three hierarchies of three choirs each: first hierarchy, composed of the Seraphim, the Cherubim and the Thrones; second hierarchy, composed of the Dominations, the Virtues and the Powers; third hierarchy, composed of the Principalities, the Archangels and the simple Angels. One sees thereby how great is the power of a pope; to have the right to regulate the ranks of heaven, that is no trifle!... The Catholic priests have therefore affirmed to their sanctimonious flocks that the Jews understood nothing of their holy books, did not comprehend their religion. Just think! those imbecile Jews had never guessed that their Isaiah, in apostrophizing the king of Babylon, their enemy, and in predicting to him that a day would come when his power should be destroyed, had meant to speak, not of the future fall of that king, but in reality of the ancient revolt of Lucifer against God and of his tumble and transformation into Satan. What blocked minds the rabbis must have had, not to have known how to read between the lines!... And, say the tonsured ones, there are many other things still which the Israelites did not suspect in their Bible. For example, the Trinity. Try to make a Jew understand that he adores a god in three persons; you will lose your time, he will laugh in your nose (‘laugh in your nose’ — fr. ‘rire au nez de quelqu’un’, to laugh openly in someone’s face). He will answer you that, if Papa Good God were triple, he would have said so to Moses, to the patriarchs, to the prophets. Bible in hand, he will maintain to you that not one word therein alludes to this trinity, incomprehensible moreover, and that on the contrary, from one end to the other, Holy Scripture attests the personality of Jehovah as essentially one and indivisible. Before this lack of perspicacity, the Catholic theologian smiles with pity, shrugs his shoulders. The first two verses of Genesis suffice him to demonstrate that the divine trinity has existed from all time, so clear is it! He cites them triumphantly, these first two verses: « 1. In the beginning, Elohim made the heaven and the earth; 2. Now, the earth was tohu-bohu, the darkness was upon the face of the abyss, and the wind of God ran upon the waters. » Such is the literal translation of the Hebrew text, with the preservation of the words Elohim and tohu-bohu which have been adopted in other languages. You do not see God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost in there?... In fact, at the first glance, one hardly perceives them; but take an opera-glass, and you are going to distinguish the Trinity very well. Our opera-glass, if you permit, will be the reasoning of St. Augustine in his fine book De cantico novo, chapter 7. Nothing is more convincing than this reasoning of the bishop of Hippo; the Church and all its theologians proclaim it of a limpidity of rock crystal. « In the beginning », which is the beginning of times or of things, is equivalent to « in the principle ». Now, what is the principle, if it be not the Word, that is to say God the Son?... Do you desire proofs? Here they are. Open the Apocalypse of St. John, at chapter 3; Christ himself calls himself « the principle of the creature of God » (verse 14). Now, open the Gospel of the same John, at chapter 8. « Being questioned by the Jews, who asked him: Who art thou? I am the principle, answered Jesus » (verse 25). (‘the principle’ — fr. ‘principe’ means at once ‘beginning’ and ‘principle’, and Taxil’s argument lives entirely on that double sense; English Bibles have ‘the Beginning of the creation of God’ and ‘the Beginning, who also speaketh unto you’, which hides it) Consequently the first verse of Genesis must be read thus: « In God the Son, who is the principle, God the Father made the heaven and the earth. » You are not altogether satisfied?... You have just seen the two first persons of the Trinity; but you do not yet distinguish the third. A little patience; take up again the opera-glass of St. Augustine. The third person, God the Holy Spirit, is at verse 2, down there, at the end. « The wind of God was running upon the waters... » Does this little wind say nothing to you?... In Latin, the wind, the breath, is spiritus, and the spirit is also spiritus; therefore the wind of God is none other than the spirit of God, that is to say God the Holy Spirit. That is why the true translation of the Hebrew text is this one: « In God the Son, principle of all things, God the Father made the heaven and the earth; now, the earth was tohu-bohu, the darkness was upon the face of the abyss, and God the Holy Spirit was running upon the waters. » This time, there it is... And to think that the Jews were never able to see that in the first two verses of Genesis!... Such blindness is really extraordinary. As for me, dear readers, you will acknowledge that I have turned to good account my twelve years spent on your behalf under the banner of the Church. I have learned the fine things of theology, and here I am making you savour them. Admire then with me this God the Holy Ghost, who, at the epoch of the tohu-bohu, employed all his time in running upon the waters. Where’s my gun?... And the final reflection which forces itself upon one: the Holy Ghost is not a pigeon, then?... He is a duck!!! (‘He is a duck!’ — the joke is that a bird which skims about on the water is waterfowl, hence game for the gun, and a duck rather than the dove of the Holy Ghost) CHAPTER 4 General drowning of humanity Sparing of details upon the faults committed by the descendants of Adam since the concubinage of the angels, Genesis tells us simply: « The Eternal God saw that the malice of men was become very great upon the earth, and that all the imagination of the thoughts of their heart was only evil at all times. » (Genesis 6:5) Let us say the word: the descendants of Adam must have neglected their morning and evening prayers; for there is nothing like that for vexing Monsieur God. Besides, any curé whatever will teach it you, if you are ignorant of it: when one forgets one’s prayers, one is on the slope towards all the crimes. « 6. God repented that he had made man upon the earth, and he had great displeasure thereat in his heart. 7. And he said: I will exterminate from the face of the earth the man whom I have formed, from man unto cattle, and all the animals, unto those which creep, even unto the birds of the heavens; for I repent that I have made them. » The repentance of a god, there is something that is not vulgar. The grief of master Jehovah was of the keenest, since it troubled his brain to the point of making him decree the extermination of the animals, who, for their part, had not sinned. Criticism may also say that the simplest thing for God, seeing that he is all-powerful, would have been to change the heart of men; but he preferred to drown them, as we shall see, — which is not very paternal. « 8. But Noah found grace before the Eternal. » He was « a just man and full of integrity in his time » (Genesis 6:9); Papa Good God came to pay him a visit, to warn him of the catastrophe he was meditating and to give him the means of escaping it. « And God said unto Noah: the end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with the iniquities of their face, and I will destroy them with the earth. — Make thee an ark of gopher wood; thou shalt make this ark with lodges, and thou shalt coat it with bitumen within and without. — And thou shalt make it thus: it shall have three hundred cubits of length, fifty of breadth, and thirty of height. — Thou shalt give light to the ark; thou shalt make its roof of one cubit in height; thou shalt set a door on the side; and thou shalt make it with a lower story, a second and a third. 34. Plan of a deluge and of an ark. — And behold: I will cause a deluge of waters to fall upon the earth, to destroy all flesh which hath breath of life in itself under the heavens; and everything that is upon the earth shall expire. — But I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt enter into the ark, thou, thy sons, thy wife, and the wives of thy sons with thee. — And of everything that hath life among all flesh, thou shalt cause two of every kind to enter into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; namely, the male and the female; — of the birds, according to their kind; of the beasts, according to their kind; and of all the reptiles, according to their kind. — Take also with thee of every food that is eaten, and make thy provision thereof, that it may serve for thy food and for that of the animals. — And Noah did all the things which God had commanded him; he did them so. » (Genesis 6:13-22) The construction of the ark lasted a hundred years. Jehovah had not told Noah to warn the other men of what was going to happen; one has therefore the right to presume that the patriarch and his family kept the secret. People were astounded to see Noah building in the open fields this immense vessel, three hundred cubits long, which makes about a hundred and fifty metres, that is to say the length of one of our great steamers of the China mail; but these formidable steamers are fifteen metres wide, whereas the ark had twenty-five. The other men took old Noah for a madman and made fun of him, vying with one another; but the patriarch let himself be chaffed, without wincing, and was only the more active at his task. 35. Noah builds his ark. — He will laugh well who laughs last, he murmured into his beard. The hundred years employed in constructing the ark will not appear an exaggerated number, if one thinks of all that the Bible passes over in silence, but which was nevertheless of absolute necessity in order to conform to the orders of God. Thus, the three sons of Noah had, evidently, long voyages to make into the most distant regions of the world, in order to bring back thence the animals which did not live in their own region. As it was also a question of not being crunched, once in the ark, by the lions, the tigers, the alligators and other terrible beasts, they must have had themselves taught (by the giants, no doubt) the trade of tamer. It was necessary to manufacture preserved meats for the innumerable carnivores. It is fitting also to remark that this gopher wood, of which the ark was made, must have been the best of woods. If today one took it into one’s head to spend a hundred years constructing a vessel, there is no wood, however hard one could dream it, which would not be rotten before the completion of the ship; the stern would crumble away with age by the time one came to work at the prow, and it would be always to begin again, as with the knife of Jeannot, which is eternal, because one replaces alternately the blade and the handle (‘the knife of Jeannot’ — fr. ‘le couteau de Jeannot’, the French form of the paradox of the object that keeps its identity though every part has been replaced). Nobody has been able to say exactly what this famous gopher wood was; none has ever been found again anywhere since the deluge, and that is very vexatious. When the saving vessel was finished, the Eternal said to Noah: « Enter, thou and all thy house, into the ark; for I have seen thee just before me in this time. » (Genesis 7:1) The sequel of the divine discourse proves that master Jehovah had forgotten his first prescriptions; he had recommended the patriarch to take with him only one couple of each species of beasts. At the last moment, Papa Good God changed the programme somewhat. « Thou shalt take, said he to Noah, of all the clean beasts seven of every kind; but of the beasts which are not clean, one couple only, the male and the female. » (Genesis 7:2) 36. Noah makes a couple of animals of each species enter the ark. The Bible does not add that God explained his distinctions to Noah; but that is probable. Moreover, Leviticus, another book attributed to Moses, indicates (Leviticus 11) what the Hebrews understood by pure animals or clean beasts and impure animals or beasts which are not clean. Among the quadrupeds, the pure are those which have the divided hoof, the cloven foot, and which chew the cud: the camel, the rabbit, the hare, which chew the cud, but which have not the divided hoof, are impure animals; the pig, which has the divided hoof and the cloven foot, but which does not chew the cud, is likewise an impure animal. Among the birds, Jehovah has declared impure the eagle, the osprey, the falcon, the vulture, the kite, the raven, the screech-owl, the cuckoo, the sparrow-hawk, the owl, the diver, the horned owl, the swan, the cormorant, the pelican, the stork, the heron, the hoopoe and the bat. Finally, there have been declared impure animals the weasel, the mouse, the tortoise, the hedgehog, the crocodile, the lizard, the slug and the mole. All the other beasts are pure animals. On the other hand, Papa Good God announced to Noah that the little diluvian festivity would begin in seven days. The patriarch had therefore to learn his natural history nimbly, in order to know whether he ought to embark with him two or seven giraffes, two or seven elephants, two or seven rhinoceroses, two or seven hippopotamuses, etc. « And it came to pass that on the seventh day the waters of the deluge fell upon the earth. — In the six hundredth year of the life of Noah, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great abyss were broken up, and the flood-gates of the heavens were opened. » (Genesis 7:10-11) One observes thereby that the Holy Ghost persisted in making people believe in the existence of an immense reservoir of upper waters, emptying itself in some sort by means of sluices. 37. The sluices of heaven are opened. « And the rain fell upon the earth during forty days and forty nights. — On that same day, Noah, Shem, Ham and Japheth, sons of Noah, entered into the ark, with the wife of Noah, and the three wives of his sons with them; — they, and all the beasts according to their kind, and all the domestic animals according to their kind, and all the reptiles that creep upon earth according to their kind, and every little bird having wings, of whatsoever sort it be. » (Genesis 7:12-14) What an ark! what an ark!... In adding up the various periods indicated in the sequel of this chapter and in the following chapter, one finds that Noah, his family and the saved animals remained in the ark for 393 days in all. The theologians do not tell us how eight persons could suffice during a whole year to give food and drink to all these animals, and to empty out their excrements. One must think also of the reproduction of all these beasts, of the very prolific races!... What space was needed! what immense provisions of every kind! what a task for Noah, his wife, his sons and his daughters-in-law! 38. The dove. Anxiety of the inhabitants of the ark. It was God who had undertaken to close the door of the ark (Genesis 7:16). When the ship began to float, « the waters strengthened and increased greatly upon the earth; and all the highest mountains which were under all the heavens were covered; the waters rose fifteen cubits higher » (Genesis 7:17-20). It is impossible to form an exact idea of this mass of water, even when one knows that the greatest known marine depth is the Tuscarora deep, in the Pacific Ocean (Kurile Islands), 8,606 metres of depth, and that the highest mountain of the globe, the Gaurisankar, of the Himalaya, has its summit at 8,840 metres above the level of the sea!... And the Gaurisankar was exceeded by fifteen cubits by the level of the universal inundation!... I shall call, in passing, the reader’s attention to the disagreeable surprise which the deluge caused the fishes to feel: at the beginning, they must certainly have passed a bad quarter of an hour through the effect of the mixture of the fresh and salt waters; but, no doubt, they got used to it, and God accorded them a special protection, to prevent them from perishing. But « all flesh that moved upon the earth expired, as well of the birds as of the cattle, of the beasts and of all the reptiles that drag themselves upon the earth, and all men. — All the things which were upon the dry land, and which had breath in their nostrils, died. — Everything therefore that subsisted upon the earth was exterminated, from men unto beasts, unto reptiles, and unto the birds of the heavens. Noah alone remained living, and all that was with him in the ark. — And the waters maintained themselves upon the earth during a hundred and fifty days. » (Genesis 7:21-24) However, there is an end to everything. « Now, the Eternal remembered Noah and all the animals which were with him in the ark. And then God made his wind to blow upon the earth, and the waters stopped. — For the sources of the abyss and the flood-gates of the heavens had been closed, and the rain of the heavens had been withheld. — And the waters withdrew more and more from off the earth; and at the end of the hundred and fifty days they diminished. — And on the seventeenth day of the seventh month, the ark rested upon the summit of mount Ararat. — And the waters went on diminishing more and more, until the tenth month; and on the first day of the tenth month the summits of the other mountains showed themselves. » (Genesis 8:1-5) 39. The ark stops on the summit of Mount Ararat. It is unheard-of, how many miracles are mentioned in these few lines! First, we have great pleasure in renewing acquaintance with that amiable wind of God which had had no occupation since the cessation of the chaos. In the beginning, it ran a long while upon the waters in the tohu-bohu, and St. Augustine and the Catholic theologians have taught us that this running wind was quite simply God the Holy Spirit. Now, at present, in order to dry up the waters of the deluge, behold Jehovah, that is to say God the Father, lets loose the said Holy Spirit, who becomes a blower; for here the expression of the Hebrew text, « the wind of God », is found the same as at verse 2 of chapter 1; it is therefore indubitably the divine pigeon (or the divine duck, as you please) who comes upon the scene and assumes the task of drying up the universal inundation. It was necessary, moreover, that one of the personages of the Trinity should take a hand in it: never could any wind whatever have got the better of such an immensity of waters. The level of the deluge exceeding by fifteen cubits the highest mountains of the earth, it has been calculated that this accumulation of waters represented the value of more than twelve oceans one upon another and that the twelfth diluvian zone was, consequently, by itself alone, twenty-four times greater than the united waters of all the seas which today surround the two continents. And so one may consider the miracle of the deluge as the most extraordinary of the miracles that God has accomplished, since after having created all these new oceans, which was already an unimaginable tour de force, he afterwards annihilated them merely by making his wind blow. There is a pigeon that has breath!... Another miracle, which cannot pass unnoticed: on the seventeenth day of the seventh month, Noah’s ark stopped on the summit of Ararat, whose altitude is 5,156 metres; and the mountains which are higher than Ararat, such as the Gaurisankar, already named (8,840 metres), the Dapsang (8,615 metres), the Nanda Devi (7,813 metres), the Aconcagua (6,970 metres), the Chimborazo (6,254 metres), the Kilimanjaro (6,000 metres), the Cotopaxi (5,970 metres), etc., etc., showed their summits only ten weeks afterwards, that is on the first day of the tenth month. That again, as a miracle, is stunning! The virgin of Lourdes herself does not work any of that calibre. The biblical narrative of the end of the deluge comprises, moreover, a story of a raven and a dove which does not offer a very thrilling interest. Noah let loose, first, « a raven which went forth, going and returning, until the waters were dried up. » Next, he sent « a dove which, finding not whereon to set the sole of her foot, returned unto him into the ark »; but he let her loose again at the end of seven days, and, this time, when she came back, « she held in her beak a branch of olive; Noah knew thus that the waters were withdrawn from off the earth. » The patriarch was then six hundred and one years old. God spoke to him to let him know that the moment had come to come out. The coming out of all the animals was effected in good order. On the other hand, it is to be presumed, although the Bible does not say so, that the salt water separated from the fresh water (a new miracle!), in order that the rivers, the lakes, the seas and the streams might form themselves again distinct as before; and all the fishes then re-entered the various waters which suited their nature. « And Noah built an altar unto the Eternal, and took of every clean beast and of every clean bird, and he offered holocausts upon the altar. — And the Eternal smelled an odour which appeased him, and he said in his heart: I will curse the earth no more, because of men; for the imagination of the heart of men is evil from their youth; and I will no more destroy every living thing, as I have done. » (Genesis 8:20-21) Thereupon, Papa Good God administered to Noah and to his children a first-class benediction and gave them permission to feed themselves henceforward on foods other than bread and herbage. « And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth. — And all the beasts of the earth, all the birds of the heavens, with all that moveth upon the earth, and all the fishes of the sea, shall fear you and shall dread you; they are delivered into your hands. — Everything that moveth and that hath life shall be your food, as well as the green herb. — Nevertheless, ye shall not eat flesh with its soul, which is the blood. — Indeed, I will require again the blood of your souls at the hand of the beasts which shall have eaten you; and even I will require again the soul of man at the hand of man his brother. — Whosoever shall shed human blood shall have his blood shed; for man is made in the image of God. » (Genesis 9:1-6) From what precedes it results that the beasts have a soul, according to the Holy Ghost, and that the soul resides in the blood. One sees also that the lord Jehovah has a horror of homicide; but, as the God of the Bible is often seeing things, we shall see him further on urging the Israelites to massacres and finding that his beloved people never sheds enough human blood. Papa Good God entering into the engagement to drown humanity no more, a signature was necessary to this pact; the divine signature was the rainbow, inaugurated on that day. « I will set my bow in the clouds, said the Eternal, and it shall be the sign of my covenant between me and the earth. — And, when it shall come to pass that I have covered the earth with clouds, then the bow shall appear in the clouds. — Thus, seeing it, I will remember my pact between me, God, and you, between me and every living animal in flesh upon the earth. » (Genesis 9:13-15) 40. Inauguration of the rainbow. The precaution was a good one, Papa Good God mistrusting his frequent lapses of memory. One will remark, moreover, that the sacred text does not say: My bow which is in the clouds shall henceforward be the sign of my covenant; but: I will set my bow in the clouds; which gives one very clearly to understand that previously there had been no rainbow at all. Now, as the rainbow is formed only by the refractions and reflections of the rays of the sun in the drops of rain, it follows that, during the centuries elapsed between the creation of Adam and the deluge, watering by rain never took place; the trees and the plants therefore grew all by themselves, or else the sweat of men’s brows sufficed them, or again the vagabond Cain who built cities organized over the whole globe companies for artificial watering. The story of the deluge is completed by two interesting episodes: the drunkenness of Noah, and the tower of Babel. « Noah, who was a husbandman, was the first who planted the vine. — Now, having drunk of the wine, he became drunken, and stretched himself all naked, in the midst of his tent. — And Ham, father of Canaan, having seen the nakedness of his father, went out and reported it to his two brothers. — Then, Shem and Japheth took a mantle, and walking backwards, they covered the sex of their father, and their faces were turned backward, so that they saw not the nakedness of their father. » (Genesis 9:20-23) 41. Noah plants the vine and invents wine. Thus, Shem and Japheth behaved respectfully, as good sons having pity on the drunkenness of monsieur their papa; Ham, on the contrary, had acted like a boor. A malediction could not be long in coming; but you shall see who received it. 42. Drunkenness of the patriarch Noah. « Noah, having awaked after his wine, learned the mockery of his son Ham. — Wherefore he said: Cursed be Canaan; he shall be the slave of the slaves of his brothers! — He said again: Blessed be the Eternal, God of Shem, and let Canaan be his slave! — Let God draw Japheth in gentleness, and let Canaan be his slave! » (Genesis 9:24-27) 43. Ham and Canaan are cursed. And that is how young Canaan was cursed, who had in no way mocked his grandfather. It is hardly possible to believe that Noah had finished sleeping off his wine when he pronounced his sentence; but it was nevertheless confirmed by the lord Jehovah. In fact, the theologians agree in recognizing that Noah attributed Asia to Shem, Europe to Japheth, and Africa to Ham; Canaan and Ham became negroes, and they and their race were thus despised. How could the three sons of Noah, although issued from the same father and the same mother, be the heads of three different races? It would be to lose one’s time to seek to understand it. One must therefore bow and admit that from Shem descends the Asiatic race with the yellow skin; from Japheth, the European race with the white skin; and from Ham and Canaan, the African race with the black skin. But the redskins of America, from whom do they descend? The Holy Ghost forgot to tell it to the writer of Genesis; or else the copper-coloured race had no father. Miracle and mystery. 44. The effects of a malediction. Chapter 10 gives the genealogy of Japheth, of Shem and of Ham, and makes known the first cities built. Of all the names cited, the best known is that of Nimrod, who was « a mighty hunter before the Eternal ». 45. Nimrod. « Then all the earth had one same language and one same speech. — But it came to pass, as men departed from the East, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, where they dwelt. — And they said among themselves: Come, let us make bricks and bake them in the fire; and they had bricks instead of stones, and bitumen instead of mortar. — And they said again: Come, let us build ourselves a city, and also a tower whose summit may reach unto the heavens, and let us acquire ourselves a great renown before we be scattered over all the earth. 46. Construction of the tower of Babel. — Then the Eternal came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men were building. — And he said: Behold, they are but one people, and all have one same language, and they begin to work; and now nothing shall hinder them from executing that which they have projected. — Come therefore, let us go down, and let us confound there their language, that none of them may understand any more what his neighbour shall say to him. — Thus the Eternal scattered them from thence over all the earth, and they ceased to build the city. — Wherefore its name was called Babel. » (Genesis 11:1-9) 47. The confusion of tongues. St. Jerome, in his commentary on Isaiah, says that the tower of Babel was already four thousand paces high when Jehovah decreed the interruption of the works, and Voltaire observes that this would make twenty thousand feet, that is ten times more elevation than the great pyramid of Egypt, which is 142 metres high. Now, the pyramids have subsisted, and there remains no trace of this prodigious enterprise of the tower of Babel, which Genesis places about the hundred and seventeenth year after the deluge. For a height of fourteen hundred metres, which was not yet the summit, a base of formidable extent was needed; how could this immense mass of masonry, so compact and so solid, have disappeared? One can only suppose a divine conjuring trick, which the sacred author has neglected to mention. From another point of view: if the population of the human race had followed the order of progression which it follows today, there would have been neither enough men nor enough time to invent all the necessary arts of which so colossal a work required the use. One must therefore regard this adventure as a prodigy. A prodigy no less great is the sudden formation of so many languages. The commentators, says Voltaire, have searched out what mother-tongues were born all at once from this dispersion of the peoples; but they have never paid attention to any of the ancient languages which are spoken from the Indus as far as Japan. It would be curious to count the number of different languages which are spoken today upon the surface of the globe. There are more than three hundred in what we know of America, and more than three thousand in what we know of our own continent. Every Chinese province has its idiom; the people of Peking understand the people of Canton with great difficulty, and the Indian of the coasts of Malabar does not at all understand the Indian of Benares. For the rest, the whole earth was ignorant of the prodigy of the tower of Babel; it was known only to the Hebrew writers. What dominates everything, moreover, what provokes stupefaction in the highest degree, is to observe that the great historical facts, related by the Bible on the subject of the origins of humanity, are totally unknown to all peoples. One understands that the Greeks, the Romans, the Egyptians, the Chaldeans, the Persians, the Hindus, the Chinese, should have had no knowledge of the deeds and doings of a Gideon, a Samson or any other merely Israelite hero; but that the names of Adam and of Noah should be unknown among these nations is another affair. Since the deluge of Genesis destroyed everything and Noah was the restorer of the human race, the genealogy of this patriarch ought to be the only one held in honour among the historians of all nations. How is it that the names of Adam and Eve, of Cain and Abel, of Enoch and Methuselah, of Lamech, Noah, Shem, Ham and Japheth, were not inscribed upon all the parchments as soon as men knew how to write, instead of figuring solely in the books of the Jews, an insignificant nation? When the survivors of the ark spread into the various regions and gave birth to all the peoples, they forgot then even the names of our first parents! The cultivation of the vine did not even succeed in preserving Noah from the general oblivion, since among a great number of nations Bacchus was celebrated as the inventor of wine. As for the deluge, the critics see in it one of the natural cataclysms of the first ages of the world, and they maintain that there were several regional cataclysms of this kind; for the Greeks have the deluge of Deucalion, which does not resemble that of Noah; the Egyptians have the submersion of the Isle of Atlantis, likewise different from the Jewish deluge; among the Chaldeans, the great catastrophe is the inundation of the Euxine, with a rescue effected by king Xisuthros. If the deluge had been universal, the critics dare to say, the name of Noah would have been universal too, and it is the names of Deucalion and of king Xisuthros that would be found nowhere. And nothing is more extraordinary than that Hesiod and Homer, who speak of everything, should not have said a word of Adam and of Noah, the one father of the human race, the other stock of all the races. It must be avowed that such a reticence is without example; for one cannot, decently, accuse the divine pigeon of having pushed the humbuggery so far as to give to the first man and to the saviour of the drowned human species names of pure fancy, devoid of all authenticity. CHAPTER 5 Happy life of a well-beloved patriarch One recalls, no doubt, that Jehovah had determined that the life of men should no longer exceed six times twenty years (Genesis 6:3). In spite of this decree, Shem persisted in living six hundred years (Genesis 11:11); Arphaxad, four hundred and thirty-eight years (Genesis 11:13); Salah, four hundred and thirty-three years (Genesis 11:15); Eber, four hundred and sixty-four years (Genesis 11:17); Peleg and Reu, each two hundred and thirty-nine years (Genesis 11:19-21); Serug, two hundred and thirty years (Genesis 11:23); Nahor, a hundred and forty-eight years (Genesis 11:25); Terah, two hundred and five years (Genesis 11:32). These eight descendants of Shem lead us to Abraham, who was to play a considerable part in the legend of the Jewish people. Genesis does not say why Papa Good God became infatuated with this Abraham, named at first Abram, son of Terah. He was living in a country named Haran, when Jehovah appeared before him one fine morning and abruptly, but amicably, ordered him to pack his trunks. « The Eternal said unto Abram: Go forth out of thy country and out of thy kindred, and out of thy father’s house, and come into the country which I shall show thee. — I will make thee become a great nation; I will bless thee, I will magnify thy name, and thou shalt be a blessing. — I will bless those who shall bless thee, I will curse those who shall curse thee, and all the families of the earth shall be blessed in thee. » (Genesis 12:1-3) 48. Abraham seeks the land of Canaan. Abram, then aged seventy-five years, asked for no explanation, realized the goods he had acquired, and set out on his journey, without knowing exactly where he was going, taking with him his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot and his wife Edith, and a few servants. The caravan had at first two hundred leagues to make in order to seek out the land of Canaan, which God was anxious to show to Abram, in order to regale him with a prophecy; he promised him, in fact, that this territory should one day belong to his posterity. Our travellers marched, marched always, across sandy plains where no vegetation existed. To revive his faith and his courage, the nomad patriarch raised an altar in the desert and prayed the Most High to make him arrive at his destination as soon as possible; for this long excursion was wearing out the soles of his feet far too much, as well as those of all his family. 49. Sacrifice of Abraham in the desert. After having crossed the land of Canaan, those of Bethel and of Ai, the caravan advanced towards the south; at last, they arrived in Egypt. « And, as Abram was near entering into Egypt, he said unto Sarai, his wife: Behold, I know that thou art a beautiful woman; — and, when the Egyptians shall have seen thee, they will kill me and they will keep thee. — Say therefore, I pray thee, that thou art my sister, that I may be well treated because of thee and that my soul may live because of thy favour. — It came to pass therefore, as soon as Abram was come into Egypt, that the Egyptians saw that this woman was very beautiful. — The chief men of Pharaoh’s court saw her also, and, before the king, they praised her beauty; and she was carried off into the palace of Pharaoh; — who did good unto Abram because of her; so that he obtained sheep, oxen, asses, menservants, maidservants, she-asses and camels. » (Genesis 12:11-16) 50. Abraham presents his wife to the king of Egypt. This adventure is edifying. Holy Scripture has not a word of blame for the patriarchal Alphonse (‘Alphonse’ — fr. ‘un Alphonse’ was slang for a man who lives off a woman, a pimp, after a character in a play by Alexandre Dumas fils). Commentators have severely censured the conduct of Abraham; but St. Augustine defended it in his book against lying. Let us note, in passing, that Sarai was then sixty-five years old; neither age nor the fatigues of the long journey across the desert succeeded in diminishing her beauty; it is marvellous! Later, when she is ninety, we shall see her carried off again by another king, and always on account of her beauty. Pharaoh was therefore treating himself to the superb old lady and in no way believed that he was cuckolding a husband. Crash! the eye of God perceived what was passing in the Egyptian seraglio. « Then the Eternal smote with great plagues Pharaoh and the people of his house, because of Sarai. — Pharaoh therefore called Abram and said unto him: Wherefore hast thou acted thus? wherefore hast thou not told me that she was thy wife? — Thou hast said to me, on the contrary: She is my sister; and I had made her my wife. But now, behold thy wife, take her again, and get thee gone. — And Pharaoh gave orders to his people; and Abram, his wife, and all that belonged to him, were conducted away. » (Genesis 12:17-20) Here is our Abram on the road again. « He was very rich in cattle, in silver and in gold » (Genesis 13:2); he had given nothing back to Pharaoh, by Jove! « And he returned by the same way that he had come, from the south unto Bethel » (Genesis 13:3). 51. The king of Egypt loads Abraham with presents In the course of this new peregrination, a quarrel arose between the shepherds of Abram and those of Lot. The uncle and the nephew separated, while remaining the best friends in the world. Abram decided to remain in the land of Canaan, while Lot, betaking himself to the plain of the Jordan, settled at Sodom, where he pitched his tents. 52. Separation of Abraham and Lot. Some time after that, a war broke out between various kings, among whom was the king of Sodom, and, in the scuffle, Lot was taken prisoner. Uncle Abram, who had moved house once more, having transported his tents to Hebron, learned the sad news; a holy indignation filled his heart; he resolved therefore to deliver Lot. One saw then what the valour of a patriarch can do. This nomad, who had not an inch of land in the country, kept under his orders a great number of servants, it appears; for « he chose three hundred and eighteen of them, whom he armed », and, with this handful of valets, he cut to pieces the armies of the four most powerful kings of the region: « Amraphel, king of Shinar, Arioch, king of Pontus, Chedorlaomer, king of the Elamites, and Tidal, king of the nations »; no small matter!... The victory was such that he « pursued the four monarchs as far as Dan », which was not yet built; « and, having divided his servants, he fell upon the kings again during the night, beat them and pursued them as far as Hobah, on the left of Damascus; and he brought back a whole rich booty, he brought back even Lot, and the women, and all the people. » (Genesis 14:1-16) 53. Abraham delivers Lot from captivity. Now, the years were slipping away, and Abram was heartbroken; he asked himself how he should have a posterity, how the divine promises should be realized, in virtue of which he was to be the father of a great nation. « The Eternal said unto him: Abram, fear not; I am thy shield and thy magnificent reward. — And Abram answered: Lord, what wilt thou give me? I pass my life without having children: — and behold, the servant who is born in my house shall be my heir. — But the Eternal addressed unto him this word: No, this one shall not be thine heir; but he who shall come forth from thy bowels shall be thine heir. — And, after having led him without, God said unto him: Lift now thine eyes towards the heaven, and count the stars, if thou canst count them; so shall thy posterity be. » (Genesis 15:1-5) Abram was patient a while longer. « Now, Sarai, his wife, had not yet borne him a child; but she had an Egyptian handmaid, named Hagar. — And she said unto Abram: In truth, God hath closed me, that I may not bring forth. Join thyself therefore unto my handmaid; perhaps I shall thus have children by her. And Abram obeyed the word of Sarai. » (Genesis 16:1-2) This meant that Sarai would adopt the child of her servant, according to the oriental custom: a father or a mother put the child of another upon his or her knees, and that sufficed to legitimize it. « Then, Sarai took Hagar, her Egyptian handmaid, and gave her for concubine unto Abram, her husband, after he had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan. — He knew Hagar therefore, and she conceived; but Hagar, seeing that she had conceived, despised her mistress. — Sarai then said unto Abram: The outrage done unto me falls back upon thee. I have put my handmaid into thy bosom, and since she hath seen herself with child, she looketh upon me with contempt. Let God judge between me and thee! — Abram answered: Come, the handmaid is in thy hands; treat her as it shall please thee. Sarai therefore beat her, and Hagar fled. » (Genesis 16:3-6) 54. Rivalry of Sarah and Hagar. Charming, is it not, this little patriarchal domestic interior?... Fortunately, an angel met Hagar in the desert, and, after having lectured her, he encouraged her. « Return unto thy mistress, said the angel of the Lord, and humble thyself under her. — I will so multiply thy posterity that it shall not be able to be counted. — And the son whom thou shalt bring into the world, thou shalt call him Ishmael; for the Eternal hath heard the voice in thine affliction. » (Genesis 16:9-11) 55. Hagar and young Ishmael driven out by Sarah. Here is a curious detail which the tonsured ones omit in their manuals of sacred history, and which is nevertheless in the Bible: the angel who appeared to Hagar, and whom she took for a god, did not let himself be seen by her from the front; he showed her only his backside. Textual! « Thy son, said the angel unto her, shall be like a wild ass; he shall lift his hand against all, and all shall lift their hands against him. — Then, Hagar called the angel who spoke unto her: « the god who hath seen me »; for, certainly, said she, I have seen the hinder parts of him who hath seen me. » (v. 12-13) This oddity is based upon a belief of the ancients: God was so dazzling that one could not see his face without dying, unless by an altogether exceptional protection. Thus, in the sequel, Moses saw Jehovah only from behind, through the cleft of a rock; but, at other times, God granted him the favour of seeing him face to face. It would be vexatious to leave such biblical pearls in obscurity. « Then, Abram being ninety and nine years old, the Eternal appeared unto him and said unto him: I am the God Shaddai; walk before my face, and be without spot. — And I will make a covenant with thee, and I will multiply thee prodigiously. — Then, Abram fell upon his face, and God spake unto him, saying: — Behold, my covenant is with thee; — and thou shalt no more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham henceforth; — and I will make thee to grow very abundantly, even kings shall come forth from thee. — I will give unto thee, and unto thy posterity after thee, the land wherein thou dwellest as a stranger, and all the land of Canaan, in perpetual possession; — and it is I who will be their God. — This is what the pact shall be between me and thy descendants: every male among you shall be circumcised. — Thou shalt cut the flesh of thy foreskin, and it shall be the sign of my covenant with thee and thine. — Every male child, as soon as he shall be eight days old, shall be circumcised among you in your generations, as well he that is born in the house as the slave, bought with money of any stranger who is not of thy race. — Thus my covenant shall be in your flesh, to be a perpetual covenant. — And the uncircumcised male, of whom the flesh of the foreskin shall not have been cut, shall be exterminated, because he shall have violated my covenant. 56. God institutes circumcision. — As for Sarai, thy wife, thou shalt no more call her Sarai, but her name shall be Sarah henceforth. — I will bless her; she shall give thee a son whom I will bless. He shall be over the nations, and the kings of the peoples shall come forth from him. — Then, Abraham prostrated himself, his face against the earth; but he began to laugh, and he said within himself: Doth he think that a man of a hundred years shall beget a son? and that a woman of ninety years shall be delivered? — And he said unto God: That which I ask of thee is that Ishmael may live! — And God answered Abraham: Be certain of it, Sarah thy wife shall bring thee forth a son, and thou shalt call him Isaac; I will make a pact with him also and with his race for ever. — As for Ishmael, I have already granted thy request; I have blessed him, and I will multiply him very abundantly; he shall be father of twelve princes, and I will make him become a great nation. — But it is with Isaac that I will establish my covenant, with Isaac whom Sarah shall bring thee forth in a year, in this same season. — And, after God had finished speaking, he went up again from before Abraham. » (Genesis 17:1-22) One cannot read with too much respect the official account of this apparition of Jehovah to Abraham. When the eyes fall upon this passage of the Bible, it becomes impossible to doubt that the sacred author, whoever he may be, Moses or Ezra, was really inspired by the Holy Ghost. The tonsured ones have no need to insist; for the discourse of the Lord attains such a height of sublimity that no human writer could have imagined it. It would never have entered the thought of Alexander the Great, when he made alliance with the Indian kings Taxiles and Porus, to propose to them that they should circumcise themselves and cut off the foreskins of all their subjects, as the mark of an indissoluble friendship. And when Napoleon, at Tilsit, upon the historic raft of the Niemen, received the tsar Alexander in his arms, he thought only of the common hatred of England to cement, in an indestructible fashion, the alliance which he sincerely wished between France and Russia; if Murat, who accompanied the victor of Friedland, had said to him then: « Sire, instead of asking the tsar to put his signature at the foot of the treaty of offensive and defensive alliance, require of him that he bring you tomorrow his severed foreskin and the foreskins of all his staff, for there is what would be the finest pledge of the pact between the two empires », it is probable that Napoleon would have believed in a sudden madness of Murat and would immediately have confided him to his best physicians. But Alexander and Napoleon were only men! The brain of a god alone could conceive the divine idea of an eternal alliance based upon a holocaust of foreskins, perpetuating itself from generation to generation. On the other hand, it is precisely because circumcision is of divine institution that one remains stupefied in observing that the Christians hastened to suppress it. The well-beloved patriarch had nevertheless not hesitated to obey the Most High. « Then, Abraham took his son and all his slaves whom he had bought, and generally all the males of his house, and he cut off from them the flesh of the foreskin, as the god Shaddai had ordained. — Abraham cut the flesh of his own foreskin himself, at the age of ninety and nine years. — And Ishmael his son was thirteen years accomplished, when he was circumcised. — Abraham and Ishmael were therefore circumcised the same day. — And all the males of his house, as well those who were born therein as those who had been bought of strangers, all were circumcised. » (Genesis 17:23-27) It was always thus among the Jews. Now, it is perfectly evident that the Christians cannot graft their religion upon that of the Hebrew people, without faithfully executing those prescriptions of it which are of divine origin. Jesus Christ was circumcised; his foreskin is venerated, as one of the most precious relics, at St. John Lateran, in Rome, and it has even multiplied itself, by the effect of a very significant miracle, since the same relic is found also at Charroux (near Poitiers), at Puy-en-Velay, at Coulombs (near Chartres), at Châlons-sur-Marne, at Antwerp and at Hildesheim; moreover, the day on which Jesus Christ was circumcised is celebrated by the Church, it is the feast which opens the Gregorian year. The emperor Julian the Philosopher, in his critique of Christianity, did not fail to bring out to what a point the adepts of the new worship violate the prescriptions of that Jewish religion of which they call themselves the continuators, more purely faithful than the Jews themselves: he showed the difference of rite, the suppression of the sacrifices, the violation of the law in the use of meats, the replacement of the sabbath day (Saturday) by the day following, etc. On the subject of circumcision, he wrote: « I must ask you, Galileans, why do you not circumcise yourselves?... Did not Jesus himself command that the law be exactly observed? « I am not come, said he, to destroy the law and the prophets, but to fulfil them ». (Matthew 5:17) And a little after he says again: « He who shall fail in the least of the precepts of the law, and who shall teach men not to observe it, that man shall be called very little in the kingdom of heaven. » (v. 19) Now, since Jesus expressly commanded that the law be scrupulously observed, and since he established penalties to punish him who sinned against the least commandment of that law, you, Galileans, who fail in all of them, what excuse can you justify? Either Jesus does not tell the truth, or else you are deserters from the law. » (Discourse of the emperor Julian against the Christians, translated by the marquis d’Argens.) The translator, after having given this critique of the philosopher emperor, makes known how St. Cyril (Cyril of Alexandria, c. 376–444, was Patriarch of Alexandria from 412 to 444) claimed to refute it; and one will acknowledge, with the marquis d’Argens, that the arguments of St. Cyril are piteous and feeble. « Let us see, says St. Cyril, what is carnal circumcision good for, when we reject the mystical sense of it? If it is necessary that men should circumcise the member which serves for the procreation of children, and if God disapproves and condemns the foreskin, why, from the beginning, did he not suppress it, and why did he not form this member as he thought it ought to be? To this first reason of the uselessness of circumcision, let us join another. In all human bodies which are not spoiled or altered by some maladies, one sees nothing which is superfluous or which is lacking there: everything in them is arranged by nature in a useful, necessary and perfect manner; and I think that bodies would be defective if they were deprived of some of the things which are, so to speak, innate with them. Did the author of the universe not know what was useful and seemly? did he not employ it in the human body, since everywhere else he formed the creatures in their state of perfection? What then is the utility of circumcision? Perhaps someone will bring forward, to authorize the use of it, the ridiculous pretext which the Jews and several idolaters employ to sustain it: it is in order, they say, that the body may be exempt from filth and defilement; it is therefore necessary to strip the virile member of the teguments which cover it. I am not of that opinion. I think that it is to outrage nature, which has nothing superfluous and useless. On the contrary, what appears in her vicious and unseemly is necessary and suitable, above all if one flees carnal impurities; let one endure the inconveniences of them, as one bears those of the flesh, those of the things which are the consequence of that flesh, and let one leave covered by the foreskin the fountain whence children flow: for it is fitting rather to oppose oneself firmly to the flowing of that impure fountain, and to arrest its course, than to offend its conduits by sections and cuttings. The nature of the body, even when it departs from the ordinary laws, does not defile the spirit. » Thus, St. Cyril asks what circumcision is good for, if one takes away the mystical sense of it. The emperor Julian might have answered the bishop of Alexandria: « For nothing, if you like, but that is not what is in question; the question is to know whether the God of Abraham ordained circumcision to that patriarch as an eternal and certain mark of his covenant between himself and the faithful of his religion. » It is evident, from the text of the so-called Holy Scripture, that this was the intention of God and that he explained himself thereupon in the clearest and most formal fashion. Moses in the sequel renewed the law of circumcision in that which he established by the order of God (Exodus 4:25-26, Exodus 12:48, Leviticus 12:3, Joshua 5:2). Jesus Christ, who taught us that he had come to fulfil the law, and not to destroy it, never said anything tending to the suppression of circumcision. The evangelists made no mention of his having wished to interrupt the use of this ritual practice. For what reason then did the Christians believe themselves dispensed from it, some time after the death of their divine legislator? It is objected that St. Paul said that « circumcision of the heart is alone necessary » (Romans 2:29); but St. Paul himself cut the foreskin of his disciple Timothy! (Acts of the Apostles, 16:3) He therefore believed bodily circumcision necessary. Why did St. Paul change his opinion afterwards? observes the marquis d’Argens. Was it by a revelation? he does not say that he had any upon this subject; was it because he became better instructed? He had then been in ignorance while he had been an apostle for a fairly long time. To the observations of the marquis d’Argens, Voltaire has added his own; they deserve to be reproduced: « Naturalists, says Voltaire, have not given plausible reasons for circumcision. They have claimed that it prevented the filth which might slip in between the glans and the foreskin. Apparently they had never seen a circumcision. Only a very small piece of the foreskin is cut, which does not at all prevent it from covering the glans in the state of repose. To prevent uncleanness, it suffices to wash the parts of generation, as one washes one’s hands and feet. That is much easier than to cut off the end of the yard, and much less dangerous, since children have sometimes died of this operation. The Hebrews, it is said again, inhabited too hot a climate; their law wished to spare them the consequences of an excessive heat which might cause ulcers on the yard. That is not true. The hilly country of Palestine is not hotter than that of Provence. The heat is much greater in Persia, towards Ormuz, in the Indies, at Canton, in Calabria, in Africa. Never did the inhabitants of those countries imagine cutting off their foreskin on a principle of health. The true reason is that the priests of all countries have taken it into their heads to consecrate to their divinities some parts of the body, some by making incisions in themselves like the priests of Bellona or of Mars, others by making themselves eunuchs like the priests of Cybele. The talapoins have put nails into their arses; the fakirs, a ring on the yard. Others have whipped their devotees, as the Jesuit Girard whipped la Cadière. The Hottentot priests cut off one testicle in honour of their divinity, and put in its place a little ball of aromatic herbs. The superstitious Egyptians contented themselves with offering to Osiris an end of foreskin; the Hebrews, who took from them almost all their ceremonies, cut off the foreskin, and cut it off still. The Arabs and the Ethiopians had this custom, from time immemorial, in honour of the secondary divinity who presided over the star of the Little Dog. The Turks, conquerors of the Arabs, took this custom from them, while, among the Christians, salt water is thrown upon a little child and one blows in its mouth. All that is equally sensible, and must please the Supreme Being greatly! » Let us not insist. Let us return to our patriarch: no doubt he must sometimes have pondered the bizarre idea Jehovah had had of changing his name, as well as his wife’s; a bizarrerie all the stranger in that the change amounted to very little. Abraham, instead of Abram! Sarah, instead of Sarai! The god of the Jews and of the Christians is, decidedly, a most comical god. With the said Abraham, the Bible becomes more and more amusing. « Now, the Eternal appeared again unto Abraham, and it was in the plain of Mamre, one day when he was sitting at the door of his tent, at the moment of the great heat. — Having lifted his eyes, Abraham perceived all at once three men who were at a little distance; immediately he ran towards them, and he saluted them to the ground. » (Genesis 18:1-2) The discourse which follows is fairly droll; it is a mixture of singular and plural which would lead one to believe that the patriarch had not quite his wits about him; was it the effect of the great heat?... « And Abraham said unto them: My lords, if I have found grace before thine eyes, pass not beyond the dwelling of thy servant. — But I will bring a little water, that ye may wash your feet; meanwhile, rest yourselves under a tree. — And I will bring also a morsel of bread, that ye may comfort yourselves. After which, ye shall pass on; for it is for that that ye are come unto your servant. And they answered him: Do as thou hast said. » (Genesis 18:3-5) Numerous Catholic commentators have judged that, if on that day Jehovah had come in the company of two angels, it was in order to figure the three persons of the divine Trinity. Abraham had not a mind subtle enough to guess that; neither he, nor Moses, nor any Jewish prophet ever suspected it. « Abraham came therefore in all haste into the tent unto Sarah, and said unto her: Make haste, take three ephata of meal, knead them, and make loaves baked under the ashes. » (Genesis 18:6) The modern translations of the Bible read: take three measures of flour. It is designedly that our tonsured ones put this vague term; for what the Holy Ghost dictated to the author of Genesis is superlatively grotesque. The Hebrew text bears éphatä. Now, an ephah contains twenty-nine pints, and, consequently, three ephahs represent eighty-seven pints or eighty-one litres of flour. What a prodigious quantity of bread! The usage among the Orientals was, it is true, to serve a single dish in abundance; but the patriarch was all the same taking his visitors for Gargantuas. Admire again what follows: « Then, Abraham ran to his herd, where he took a calf tender and good, and he gave it to a servant, who hastened to dress it. — Next, he took kaimak (a sort of cream cheese) and milk, and the calf which had just been dressed, and he set the whole before them. He stood near them under the tree, and they did eat. — Then, they said unto him: Where is Sarah thy wife? He answered: There she is under the tent. — One of them said unto him: I will not fail to return in a year at this same season, if I am still alive, and thy wife Sarah shall have a son. » (v. 7-10) If I am still alive is, evidently, a manner of speaking. Jehovah, who expressed himself thus, could not doubt that he would be alive in a year. It will be said that Papa Good God and his two angelic companions, not giving themselves out for supernatural beings, might borrow the language of men; but, since they predicted the future, they were at least giving themselves out for prophets. Well then?... « Sarah, having heard that behind the door of the tent, began to laugh; for they were both of them well aged, and Sarah had her courses no more. — She laughed therefore in hiding and said within herself: After that I am become old and when my lord is so old, shall I then have pleasure yet? — But God said unto Abraham: Wherefore hath Sarah begun to laugh, saying: Can it be that I should have a child, being so old? — Is there anything difficult unto God? Now therefore, I will return unto thee in a year, as I have told thee, if I am still alive, and Sarah shall have a son. — Then, Sarah was afraid, and she denied it, saying: I laughed not. But God said unto her: Yea verily, thou didst laugh. » (v. 11-15) 57. The angels announce to Sarah that she will have a son. It has been remarked that this adventure has a certain air of resemblance to that of the good man Hyrieus, whom Jupiter, Neptune and Mercury visited while he was lamenting that he had no child; the three gods granted him one, by casting their seed upon a piece of hide from which the child was born. But the Catholic theologians answer that it is paganism which has copied the Bible; according to the Benedictine Dom Calmet, it is quite clear that the name of Hyrieus is the same as that of Abraham. In truth, one would hardly have suspected it; nevertheless, let us not contradict the learned Benedictine for so small a matter! It is more interesting to savour this conversation of God and Abraham, whose details are of a delightful simplicity. The writer of Genesis gives an account of all that was done and all that was said, exactly as if he had been present at it. He was therefore inspired by the Holy Ghost himself, that is clear; otherwise, he would be nothing but a teller of fables. Some Catholic commentators, embarrassed by the ridiculousness of these details, have insinuated that such a story is above all allegorical; according to them, God and the angels who came to Abraham’s simulated their appetite, did not eat at all, but made a pretence of eating. Come now!... One must take the Bible as it is, we answer them; for, if one admitted the interpretation of these theologians to whom the grotesqueness of certain episodes of Genesis seems too heavy to carry, one would have to see nothing but allegories in the whole of Holy Scripture. Then, nothing would have happened of all that the pigeon relates? everything would have been only in appearance? the divine Bible would be a perpetual dream?... See, gentlemen tonsured ones, where such a reasoning would lead us! It is far simpler to admit that God, whom we have seen kneading, blowing and walking about, also eats, digests, etc., and catches a touch of sunstroke on occasion, like his friend Abraham who speaks to him in the plural and the singular at once. After dinner, they went off to take a little walk. « The three travellers, having risen, directed their eyes towards Sodom, and Abraham walked with them, to conduct them. — Then, the Eternal said to himself: Shall I hide from Abraham that which I am about to do, — since he shall be father of a great and mighty nation, and since all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? » (Genesis 18:16-18) All the nations of the earth blessed in Abraham!... The Jewish and Christian commentators are agreed in seeing in this text the affirmation that Jehovah will one day be the god adored over the whole globe, seeing that Jehovah is the god of Abraham and that the Christians do not separate themselves from the Jews as regards this patriarch; but given that Jews and Christians are no longer agreed dating from the son of Mary, which then, of the two religions, will be the one to prevail over the world? will the earth end by being Jewish or Christian?... A grave question. We have, moreover, time to wait. The population of the globe amounts, in fact, to more than one thousand four hundred millions of inhabitants, of whom the Catholics, that is to say the persons baptized in the religion which entitles itself alone the true Christian religion, figure for two hundred and thirty-nine millions only. To realize the word of Jehovah, it will therefore be necessary: first, that all baptized Catholics should become believing and practising; next, that these true Christians should bring back to their dogmas the Protestants and other heretics and schismatics who have rejected them; and, finally, after having persuaded the Jews that Jehovah is triple, the Catholics will have to convert the Mahometans, the Confucianists, the Brahmanists, the Buddhists, the fetishists, etc., etc., — unless it be the Jews who succeed in convincing Catholics and heretics that for nineteen hundred years they have been sticking their Messiah in their own eye (‘sticking their Messiah in their own eye’ — fr. ‘se mettre le doigt dans l’œil’, to be completely mistaken). In one way or another, the prophecy of the total conversion of the globe to the god of Abraham hardly seems likely to be celebrated as accomplished at the next exhibition. Now then, what was the project which Papa Good God had formed, and on the subject of which he was asking himself whether, yes or no, he would make a confidence to his well-beloved patriarch?... All things well weighed, he decided to have no secret from Abraham, and it was then that the latter understood at last that these three travellers who had devoured a calf and eighty-one litres of flour of his, without counting the cream cheese, were supernatural beings, among whom was his old friend Shaddai in person. « The Eternal said therefore: Because the cry of Sodom and of Gomorrah is increased, and because their sin is very grievous, — I will now go down, and I will see whether they have entirely done all the things whereof the cry is come unto me; and if it be not so, I shall know it. » (Genesis 18:20-21) Jehovah did not trust blindly to the reports of his police. It will perhaps be found that in his quality of omniscient god he ought to have been ignorant of nothing, and that, consequently, he knew exactly how matters stood, without need of any inquiry; but let us not forget that this takes place in a time of very great heat and that the digestion of the copious dinner of a moment ago might very well have somewhat troubled his divine ideas. « The three travellers, departing thence, walked therefore towards Sodom; but Abraham made halt, standing before the Eternal. — And he drew near unto God and said unto him: Wilt thou destroy even the just with the wicked? — Peradventure there are fifty just in the city; wilt thou destroy them also? Wilt thou not pardon the city, because of fifty just, if they were there? — It shall not be said of thee that thou makest the just to die with the wicked, and that the just is treated as the wicked. No, that shall not be said. Shall he who judgeth all the earth not do justice? — And the Eternal said: If I find in Sodom fifty just, I will pardon all the place, because of them. — And Abraham resumed: Behold, now I have taken boldness in speaking unto the Lord, though I be but dust and ashes. — Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty just; wilt thou destroy the city, for five that should be lacking? And God answered him: I will not destroy it, if I find there forty and five just. » (Genesis 18:22-28) The interview continues in this tone (v. 29-32), Abraham striving to obtain fresh concessions: from the forty-five just men required, one passes to forty, then to thirty, to twenty; but finally, Papa Good God will not come down below ten just men, in order to pardon. That is his last word! « And the Eternal went away, when he had finished speaking unto Abraham; and Abraham returned unto his house. » (Genesis 18:33). According to the Bible, Papa Good God, who wished to see for himself, did not continue the road with his two companions; chapter 19 gives to understand that he went back up to heaven. « Now, towards evening, the two angels arrived at Sodom. Lot, who was sitting near the gate of the city, advanced to meet them; as soon as he saw them, he saluted them, prostrating himself with his face to the earth. — And he said unto them: I pray you, my lords, deign to stop in the house of your servant; lodge there this night; wash there also your feet; to-morrow, early in the morning, ye shall rise, and ye shall pursue your way. But they answered: No, we will pass this night in the street. — But Lot pressed them so instantly, that they consented to withdraw unto his house. And when they were entered into his house, he prepared them a feast, with unleavened bread which he baked, and they did eat. — But before they went to lie down, the men of the city, that is to say the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, from the youngest unto the old men, all the people, from one end unto the other. — And, calling Lot, they said unto him: Where are those men who are entered unto thee this evening? Bring them forth, that we may use them. — Then, Lot went out unto them to speak to them at the door, and, having shut the door behind him, he said unto them: I pray you, my brethren; commit not this evil. — Hearken, I have two daughters who have not yet known man; I will bring them unto you, and ye shall use them altogether as it shall please you, provided that ye do no violence to these two men because they are come under the shadow of my roof. — They, they answered him: Withdraw thyself thence. And they said again: This man is a stranger, who hath taken domicile here, and he would pretend to bear judgment upon us? Go to, we will do more unto thee than unto them. And then they did violence unto Lot; then, they prepared themselves to break the doors of his house. — But the two travellers, putting forth their hands, made Lot to come in unto them, and they shut the door. — Next, they smote with dazzlement all the men who were besieging the house, so that they wearied themselves in seeking the door. » (Genesis 19:1-11) 58. Lot protects the angels against the inhabitants of Sodom. It was necessary to reproduce this passage of Genesis textually; one cannot too often recall that these lines were written under the dictation of the Holy Ghost. On the other hand, it is no less useful to reproduce the commentary of Voltaire: « We avow that the biblical text here confounds the human mind more than elsewhere. If these two angels, or these two gods, were incorporeal, they had then taken a body of great beauty, in order to inspire abominable desires in a whole people. What! the old men and the children, all the male inhabitants, without exception, come in a crowd to commit the infamous sin with these two angels! It is not in human nature to commit all together publicly such an abomination, for which one always seeks retirement and silence. The Sodomites demand these two angels, as one demands bread in a tumult in a time of famine. There is nothing, in pagan mythology, which approaches this inconceivable horror. The theologians who have said that the three celestial travellers, of whom two went to Sodom, were God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost, render the crime of the Sodomites still more execrable, and this story more incomprehensible. The proposal of Lot to the Sodomites that they should all lie with his two virgin daughters, instead of lying with these two angels, or these two gods, is no less revolting. All this encloses the most detestable impurity of which mention is made in any book. The interpreters find some relation between this adventure and that of Philemon and Baucis; but the latter has nothing indecent in it, and it is much more instructive. It is a village which Jupiter and Mercury punish for having been inhospitable; it is a warning to be charitable; there is no impurity in it. Some say that the sacred author wished to go one better than the story of Philemon and Baucis, in order to inspire more horror of a crime very common in hot countries. However, the thieving Arabs, who are still in that savage desert of Sodom, always stipulate that the caravans which pass through that desert shall give them nubile girls, and never ask for boys. This story of these two angels is in no way treated here as an allegory, as an apologue; everything is at the foot of the letter; and one does not see, moreover, what allegory could be drawn from it for the explanation of the New Testament, of which the Old is a figure, according to the Fathers of the Church. » Let us continue to cite the sacred text, the divine book, the inspired scripture, which we have the duty to believe truthful, under pain of mortal sin. We are going to see plenty of others! « Then, the two travellers said unto Lot: Whom hast thou yet here that is of thine, either a son-in-law, or sons, or daughters, or any other of thy kindred in the city? » (Genesis 19:12) — Why put this question? did the angels not know of whom the family of Lot was composed? — « All those who are thy kindred, said they, bring them forth out of this place; for we are about to destroy this city, whose cry of iniquity is gone up unto heaven, and it is the Eternal who hath sent us to destroy it. — Lot went out therefore and went to speak unto his sons-in-law, who were to marry his daughters; he said unto them: Rise up promptly and quit with me this city; for the Eternal is about to destroy them. But his sons-in-law believed that he was mocking them. — At the dawn of day, the angels pressed Lot again, saying unto him: Hasten, take away thy wife and thy two daughters who are here; otherwise, thou wouldst perish for the crime of this city. — And as Lot tarried, the angels took him by the hand, and they took also by the hand his wife and his two daughters, because the Eternal spared them; and they led them forth and set them without the city. — There, one of them said: Save thy life, look not behind thee, and stay not in any place of the plain; save thyself upon the mountain, lest thou perish. — But Lot answered them: No, Lord, I pray thee; — behold that thy servant hath found grace before thee and that thou hast exercised toward me thy mercy; nevertheless, I shall not be able to save myself upon the mountain, without the evil overtaking me and my dying. — Wherefore, I pray thee, there is here quite near a city whither I may flee, and it is a little city; permit that I take refuge there; and spare it. Is it not little, and my soul shall live? — The angel said unto him: Be it so, I grant thee yet this grace, not to destroy the city whereof thou hast just spoken to me. — But walk quickly, and save thyself there; for I shall be able to do nothing before thou be entered therein. It is for this reason that this city was called from that time Zoar. — Whilst the sun was rising, Lot entered therefore into Zoar. — Then, the Eternal made to rain, upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah, brimstone and fire, which fell from heaven. — And he destroyed those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and he annihilated the germ of the earth. — But the wife of Lot looked behind her, and was changed into a statue of salt. — Now, Abraham, that day, had risen early in the morning, and he came to the very place where he had stopped during his walk with the Eternal. — And, as he directed his looks towards Sodom and Gomorrah, and as his eyes were fixed upon all the country round about, he saw going up from the earth a smoke full of sparks, like the smoke of a furnace. » (Genesis 19:12-28) 59. Burning of Sodom. On the subject of the number of cities burned, the preceding lines contain no precise information. Sodom and Gomorrah alone are named; nevertheless, the theologians are of opinion that all the cities of that plain were destroyed by the fire of heaven, and they have even imagined a name: they call « the Pentapolis » the devastated region, which signifies « the country of the five cities ». There would therefore have been five criminal cities. In support of their thesis, the theologians refer to chapter 14, where is related the war in the course of which Lot was taken prisoner, then delivered thanks to the victorious intervention of Abraham and his three hundred and eighteen picked servants; verse 2 of this chapter names, in fact, five kingdoms which are supposed to have existed in that region, and it has been concluded that the guilty cities, whose extermination Jehovah had decreed, are precisely the capitals of these five kingdoms. Here, moreover, is that passage: « The four kings (Amraphel, Arioch, Chedorlaomer and Tidal) made war against Bera, king of Sodom, against Birsha, king of Gomorrah, against Shinab, king of Admah, against Shemeber, king of Zeboiim, and against the king of Belah, which was named later Zoar. — All these had gathered themselves in the vale of Siddim, which is to-day the Salt Sea. » (Genesis 14:2-3) But this ingenious interpretation of the theologians succeeds only in bringing out better the contradictions of the Bible. In fact, here indeed are the guilty cities: Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, Zeboiim and Bela. So then, the Lord Jehovah, conversing with Abraham, maintained his decree of extermination against the whole Pentapolis, because at Sodom there are not ten just men in all, is that not so? and, on the other hand, the incendiary angels spare Bela, named for that reason Zoar, quite simply because Lot desired to betake himself to that city!... However, the inhabitants of Bela-Zoar were, — there is no getting away from it, — addicted to the same vice as the Sodomites, since God had at first devoted them to the rain of fire. Will it be said that the Belaites, not having received the visit of the angels, did not manifest their infamous desires against them, and that this circumstance could be held to be extenuating? So be it; but the Gomorrhaeans, the Admahites and the Zeboiimites were in the same case and were nevertheless exterminated. 60. Lot’s wife changed into a statue of salt. As regards Gomorrah, the science of the theologians has exercised itself in a curious fashion, and, without one knowing why, the Church has admitted, in virtue of a tradition of which no trace is to be found anywhere, that the sin of that city was exactly the contrary of the sin of Sodom. It results from this that what the Greeks called « pederasty » is named « sodomy » in the language of the ecclesiastics; on the other hand, the sapphic vice, which has acquired a universal renown for the ladies of the isle of Lesbos, becomes, among our tonsured ones, the vice of the « Gomorrhaeans ». Consequently, one now well understands what that cry was which rose up from Sodom and Gomorrah and which mounted to heaven, according to the declaration of old Shaddai speaking to Abraham. At Sodom, it was the women who complained of being forsaken; on the other hand, at Gomorrah, it was the husbands out of work who howled their lamentations to the Eternal. But then one has the right to ask oneself why, at Sodom, the celestial vengeance exterminated the women, since the men were in reality the only guilty ones in that city, and why, at Gomorrah, Papa Good God did not spare those unfortunate husbands, already sorely grieved that mesdames their wives did without them. And, if one wishes to confine oneself to the examination of a particular case, it is evident that the two gentlemen of Sodom who had become betrothed to the daughters of Lot were not pederasts; their marriage was so far settled, so ready to be celebrated, that the holy man already called them his sons-in-law. According to the sacred author, it in no way appears that these two sons-in-law of Lot were guilty of the same excess of abominable impurity for which the Sodomites were burned with their city; the text in no way shows them in the troop which wished to violate the two angels; far from it, Genesis gives to understand that they had withdrawn quite honestly to their homes, since Lot went to wake them, to invite them to make off with him; nevertheless, they were enveloped in the general destruction. As for the wife of Lot, it must be avowed that she paid dearly for the movement of compassion which made her turn her head back towards that city where her parents no doubt were. Her sudden transformation into a statue of salt has been, in some sort, confirmed by Jewish or Christian writers of the first centuries of the common era. The Jewish historian Flavius Josephus assures us, in his book of Antiquities, that he saw this statue, and that it was still shown in his time. The sceptics believe that Israelites of the place may very well have amused themselves by carving a piece of asphalt into a rough figure, and saying: It is the wife of Lot. Works in bitumen have been seen wrought with art and able to subsist a long time. On the other hand, St. Irenaeus went very far in affirming this: « The wife of Lot is no longer of corruptible flesh; but, while always remaining in the state of a statue of salt, she continues to have her monthly courses. » (Book 4, chap. 2) Tertullian, in the Poem of Sodom, affirms the same thing, with still more energy: « Dicitur, et vivens salso sub corpore, sexus mirifice solito dispungere sanguine menses. » Nevertheless, this marvel remained unknown to the Romans who came into Palestine: when they took Jerusalem, they had not the curiosity to go and see the miraculous statue of salt, for the good reason that nobody spoke to them of it; and indeed, neither Pompey, nor Titus, nor Hadrian had ever heard speak of Lot, of his wife Edith and of his two daughters, nor of Abraham, nor of any personage of that family. Today, the travellers who go to explore the environs of the Dead Sea observe there the presence of no statue of salt or of asphalt; the Musulmans of the country have not thought of manufacturing one, which would give great pleasure to the curious; on the other hand, they show the pilgrims the oak of Mamre, in the shade of which Jehovah and the two angels devoured a whole calf and a formidable quantity of loaves and of cream cheese. Strabo, the celebrated Greek geographer, who died at the epoch at which the Christian legend places the birth of Jesus, visited in detail Asia Minor and most particularly Palestine, upon which he wrote minute reports; notably, he betook himself into the region of Sodom and of the Dead Sea, and he does not say a word of the statue of salt, which Josephus, some years later, affirms he saw. What Strabo relates, as an impartial traveller, is very curious to read, because the opinion of the Jews who then inhabited the country does not exactly accord with the Bible; far from believing in a rain of fire, caused by crimes, the Israelites attributed the devastation of the region to very natural causes, to volcanic eruptions. Let us therefore cite Strabo: « That this region was worked upon by fire, more than one proof of it is brought forward: burnt rocks, numerous crevasses, an earth of ashes, rivers which spread far and wide an infected odour, and, here and there, dwellings in ruin. All this makes one believe what the inhabitants of the country relate, that is to say that formerly there were there thirteen cities, of which Sodom was the metropolis: but that, by earthquakes, eruptions of subterranean fires and the burning waves of bituminous and sulphurous waters, the lake invaded the region, and the rocks kept the marks of the cataclysm. Among these cities, some were swallowed up, the others abandoned by the inhabitants who were able to save themselves. » (Geography of Strabo, book 16, chap. 2) This hardly resembles verse 24 of chapter 19 of Genesis: « Then, the Eternal made to rain, upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah, brimstone and fire, which fell from heaven. » But what it is important to note is that the Jewish tradition collected by Strabo on the spot itself, if it is in contradiction with the biblical narrative of chapter 19, in no way surprises one when one refers to chapter 14 of the same Genesis, verse 10: « There were, in the valley, many pits of bitumen, and the kings of Sodom and of Gomorrah fell therein as they fled. » The Bible itself has therefore recorded that the whole ground was asphalt before the terrible conflagration! The learned have an easy game of it, one sees, in saying that the divine pigeon, here again, mystified the sacred writer on the grand scale. All nature, in that immense desert, attests a cataclysm which was fatally bound to occur, if it is true that men had the imprudence to establish themselves there. Thus, the Dead Sea, which receives the Jordan and the rivers descending from the surrounding mountains, is no larger than the lake of Geneva; it has, exactly like the Leman, 76 kilometres of length, and its greatest breadth is 15 kilometres. Now, whereas the Rhone traverses the lake of Geneva, the Jordan and the various rivers are absorbed by the Dead Sea. It has been calculated that the Jordan, by itself alone, brings to the Dead Sea six millions of tons per day: it is therefore necessary that this enormous mass of water should evaporate daily; for it is not possible to suppose an outflow, by reason of the level of the lake, which is 394 metres below the level of the Mediterranean, and on the other hand the maximum depth is 399 metres. In fact, the hot and dry air of that depression, unique of its kind (793 metres), can absorb enormous quantities of water vapour. The marly strata of the neighbourhood, the masses of asphalt which are everywhere, the frequency of earthquakes, the essentially volcanic soil, everything proves a country at all times uninhabitable. If one absolutely insists on believing the pigeon incapable of having made fun of the writer of Genesis, if one wishes all the same to admit as truthful the story of the rain of fire fallen from heaven to destroy human beings, guilty here of pederasty and there of sapphism, one must then say that Jehovah-Shaddai, although eternal, is none the less a trifle Norman (‘a trifle Norman’ — fr. ‘une réponse de Normand’ is an answer neither yes nor no, hence evasive and going back on one’s word). In fact, declaring to Noah that his clemency would henceforward abstain from exterminating men, he had solemnly sworn, his hand upon the rainbow, never to begin the deluge again. To take an oath to renounce drownings, and then to replace the deluge of water by showers of fire, is, for a god, to be tolerably crafty!... Moreover, the Bible relates to us that one city was spared at the prayer of Lot, and that this city is the one which from that time has been called Zoar. — Well, who then knows Zoar? where is it, this city? Since all the historians have been ignorant of the existence of Zoar, might not this lucky city have had the good fortune to please to the very end, and might Papa Good God have destroyed it in the following century?... The fact is that there have remained no more traces of Zoar than of Sodom and Gomorrah. When men have ventured to come and dwell on the shores of the Dead Sea, it was never but to make a brief stay there, in habitations constructed on a provisional footing, solely in order to gather salt, asphalt, chloride of magnesium and a certain mineral oil which floats on the surface in certain places of the lake and of which use was formerly made in medicine; after which, people hastened to clear out of that unhealthy region where vegetation is almost nil and where one does not even find drinkable water. Finally, let us believe in Zoar for the quarter of an hour, and let us see the sequel of the extraordinary Genesis. The sacred author has just shown us that Lot, not being a pederast, was saved from the catastrophe, as well as his daughters, virtuous maidens; the same author is immediately going to show us the fine examples of virtue given by this holy family. The new biblical episode does not contain one word of reprobation addressed to the three who escaped from Sodom. The divine pigeon has a speciality: he narrates the most repugnant obscenities as if nothing in the world were simpler; incest, under the pen of the sacred author, seems an altogether ordinary practice. The reader will excuse this citation too; it is necessary; it must be textual, in order to make well known what Holy Scripture is, the religious book par excellence, the august basis of dogma and of faith. « Now, Lot went up from Zoar and came to dwell upon the mountain with his two daughters; for he feared to remain in Zoar. And he withdrew into a cavern with his two daughters. — And the elder said to the younger: Our father is old, and there is no man left upon the earth who may come in unto us, according to the custom of all countries. — Come therefore; let us make our father drunken with wine, and let us lie with him, that we may be able to raise up seed of our father. — Then, they gave wine to drink to their father that night. Then, the elder drew near and lay with her father; but he felt nothing, neither when he lay down, nor when he rose up. — And, on the morrow, the elder said to the younger: Behold, I lay last night with our father: let us give him wine to drink this evening again, and thou shalt lie with him in thy turn, that we may keep seed of our father. — On that night therefore, they made their father drunken again, and the younger lay with him, who felt nothing thereof, neither when she came together with him, nor when she rose up. — Thus, the two daughters of Lot were with child by their father. — The elder bore a son, whom she named Moab: it is he who is the father of the Moabites, and his posterity existeth yet to-day. — And the younger bore also a son, whom she named Ammon; it is he who is the father of the Ammonites, and his posterity existeth yet to-day. » (Genesis 19:30-38) This text may well be the product of the direct inspiration of the Holy Ghost; it is none the less foul. This adventure of Lot and his daughters could not escape the just criticism of Voltaire; and so, to comment upon it, we shall efface ourselves completely behind the great philosopher. The reflections of that man of genius, who was the intellectual father of the Revolution, are as useful today as in the past century, since superstition is still standing, with its dogmas and its priests. « The biblical text, writes Voltaire, does not say what Lot did when he saw his wife changed into a statue of salt; neither does it say the name of his daughters. The idea of making their father drunk in order to lie with him in the cavern is singular. The text does not say where they found wine; but it says that Lot enjoyed his daughters without perceiving anything, either when they lay down with him, or when they went away. It is very difficult to enjoy a woman without feeling it, above all if she is a virgin. It is a fact which we do not venture to explain. For the rest, one does not see why the daughters of Lot feared that the world was coming to an end, since Abraham had already begotten Ishmael of his servant, since all the nations were dispersed, and since the city of Zoar from which these girls had come was quite close by. » And to whom then did they apply to buy wine, if not to wine merchants living in the place?... Voltaire remarks further that this story has some relation with that of Myrrha, who had Adonis by her father Cinyras. « That is imitated, says he, from the ancient Arabian fable of Cinyras and Myrrha; but, in that far more decent fable, Myrrha is punished for her crime, whereas the daughters of Lot are recompensed by the greatest and dearest of blessings according to the Jewish spirit: they are mothers of a numerous posterity. » Let us burn sugar (‘Let us burn sugar’ — fr. ‘brûler du sucre’; burning sugar was an old way of driving a bad smell out of a room). Genesis now returns to Abraham, the patriarchal Alphonse, always disposed to begin again the little trick which had succeeded so well with him in Egypt. « In that time, Abraham went away into the lands of the south, and he dwelt between Kadesh and Shur, and he passed as a traveller through the country of Gerar. — And Abraham said unto all of Sarah his wife: She is my sister. Wherefore Abimelech, king of Gerar, caused Sarah to be carried off to possess her. — But God appeared one night unto Abimelech in a dream, and he said unto him: Behold, thou art a dead man, because of this woman whom thou hast taken; for she hath a husband. — Now, Abimelech had not yet touched her. He answered therefore: Lord, wouldst thou put to death innocent and ignorant people? — Hath not this man himself said unto me: She is my sister? Hath not she herself also said unto me: He is my brother? I have done this in the simplicity of my heart, and with pure hands. — The Eternal resumed: Yea, I know that thou hast acted with the ignorance of a simple heart; therefore I have hindered thee from sinning against me, and it is for that that I have watched that thou shouldst not touch this woman until now. — Now therefore, render her unto her husband; this man is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live. But if thou render not this woman, then certainly thou shalt die, and all thine also, know it. — And Abimelech rose very early in the morning; he called all his people, explained unto them these things, and they were seized with fear. — Then, Abimelech caused Abraham to come and said unto him: Wherefore hast thou acted in such fashion? Wherein have I offended thee, that thou shouldst have drawn upon me and upon my kingdom a chastisement such as those which are reserved for great crimes? Thou hast done unto me things which ought not to be done. — Tell it me then, what hast thou seen among us that hath moved thee to do this? — Abraham answered: I have acted thus, because I said within myself that there was perhaps no fear of God in this country, and I thought that I should be killed because of the beauty of my wife. — Besides, I may say with truth that she is my sister; for, if she be not daughter of my mother, she is at least daughter of my father; but it is true also that she was given me for wife. — Now, it came to pass that when the gods led me hither and thither, far from the paternal house, I said unto my wife: Everywhere that we shall go, do me the pleasure of saying that I am thy brother. — Then, Abimelech took sheep, oxen, menservants and maidservants, and he gave them unto Abraham, rendering unto him Sarah his wife. — And he said unto him: Behold, my country is at thy disposal; but get thee hence, and dwell where it shall please thee. — And he said unto Sarah: I had given a thousand pieces of silver unto thy brother. Now, follow my counsel; have a veil upon thine eyes, before all those who are with thee and before all others. It is thus that she was reproved. — Now, God had closed all the vulvas, because of Sarah, wife of Abraham. — And, at the prayer of Abraham, God healed Abimelech and restored fruitfulness to his wife and to his maidservants; and they had then children. » (Genesis 20:1-18) (‘when the gods led me’ — fr. Ostervald has ‘quand les dieux m’ont conduit’, in the plural. Taxil returns to such plurals as evidence that the Hebrew preserves traces of many gods; English Bibles render the phrase with a singular God.) Let us not forget that at this epoch the fair Sarah was a full ninety years old. (Genesis 17:17) Some remarks force themselves upon one, moreover: Did Abraham tell the truth, when he affirmed to Abimelech that Sarah is at once his wife and his sister? If so, we find ourselves in the presence of another incest. Come, it is a clean business, the Bible!... That is not all: if, in this affair, Abimelech produces the effect of a worthy man, Abraham, whatever the point of view at which one may place oneself, is a very ugly gentleman. Brother of Sarah, he is none the less a liar, in his interest as a procurer; before everything, his sister-wife is a common stewpot (‘stewpot’ — fr. ‘marmite’, a cooking pot, was slang for a prostitute who keeps her pimp). He was lying well and truly, when he concealed his quality of husband; the explanation he gives, when the pot of roses is discovered (‘the pot of roses is discovered’ — fr. ‘découvrir le pot aux roses’, to find out the hidden secret), offers us an Abraham casuist in the Jesuit fashion; his mental reservation cannot justify him in the eyes of honest people. On the other hand, this well-beloved patriarch, this cherished green-back (‘green-back’ — fr. ‘dos-vert’, old Paris slang for a man who lives off women, a pimp) whom Jehovah protects and to whom he gives the title of prophet, is it quite certain that he is the brother of Sarah, as he suddenly declares? The other passages of Genesis seem to indicate the contrary. In the episode of the king of Egypt (Genesis 12), we saw Abraham use for the first time this stratagem which enriched him; but when Pharaoh reproached him with his conduct, he did not think of the subtle explanation of the present moment: it is Abimelech who has the first taste of it, and one has the right to suspect that this is a new whopper imagined abruptly, under the effect of the lively recriminations of the king of Gerar. Why would he not have excused himself in the same way, when he had to answer Pharaoh? There is more. The Holy Ghost, who dictated everything, contradicts himself in a formal fashion. In chapter 11, he made known the family of Terah, father of Abraham. « Terah had three sons: Abram, Nahor and Haran. Now, Haran begat Lot; then, Haran died in the presence of Terah, his father. Abram and Nahor took wives; the wife of Abram was named Sarai, and the wife of Nahor was named Milcah; this last was the daughter of Haran, and she had for sister Iscah. » (v. 27-29) Consequently, Nahor married his niece. If Sarai were the daughter of Terah and the sister of Abram, Nahor and Haran, the author would not fail to say so, at the moment when he specifies the degrees of kinship in the family of Terah. Better still! he calls Sarai « the daughter-in-law of Terah »; it is there in so many words at verse 31. « Now, Sarai was barren, and she had no child. — And Terah took with him his son Abram, and Lot, son of his son Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, wife of Abram his son; and they went forth together out of Ur, city of Chaldea, to betake themselves to the land of Canaan. And they came as far as Haran, and they dwelt there. — There, Terah died, aged two hundred and five years. » (v. 30-32) Therefore: either Abraham, caring little to appear an incestuous husband in the eyes of Abimelech, lied again, under pretext of furnishing excuses for a first lie; or else, if he decided to tell the king of Gerar the truth which he had neglected to make known to Pharaoh, it is the Holy Ghost who, in dictating Genesis, flounders in gibberish and contradictions. Another impression which emerges, as soon as one examines closely, is that all this is invented at pleasure and that the sacred author is a clumsy imbecile. The Holy Ghost, in a vein of mystification and taking delight in immoral and filthy fables, dictates everything that passes through his head, and the ninny of a writer imperturbably registers no matter what, turpitudes and grotesque tales, without heeding the contradictions and impossibilities, evident though they be. How did he not perceive that the pigeon was making fun of him, when he made him set down the country of Gerar as a kingdom? According to the report of the geographers of antiquity, Gerar is a little sandy plain, without the least vegetation, a horrible desert where never a human being could take up his abode. Abimelech was therefore king of a desert!... And how long did he keep Sarah, without Mme Abimelech being tempted to scratch her eyes out? Here is yet another point where the whole impudence of the Holy Ghost’s hoax stands out. This episode is subsequent to the burning of Sodom and prior to the epoch at which Jehovah realized his promise of Mamre. In fact, chapter 21 begins thus: « And the Eternal visited Sarah, and he did unto her thus as he had promised. — Sarah therefore conceived, and she bore a son unto Abraham in his old age, in the season which God had told him. » (v. 1-2) 61. Birth of Isaac. This confinement thus arriving a year after the journey of Shaddai and the two angels to Mamre, Abraham’s stay in the country of Gerar is necessarily placed within the three months which followed the deluge of fire. Now, even supposing that this stay at Gerar took exactly those three months, how could the wife, the servants and the female subjects of H. M. Abimelech, in the space of a quarter of a year, perceive that they were sterile, that is to say that they had their vulva closed, to employ the delicate expression of the sacred author? It requires, in general, a fairly good number of years for a woman to be able to establish that she has become unfit to have children. But, if one sets aside the possibility of establishing sterility in the natural order of things, one must, with the science of the theologians whom no miracle, even burlesque, ever astounds, come to the conclusion that Jehovah, in this circumstance, had indulged in an atrociously frisky humbuggery, and that, when the sacred author speaks of the desolation of the husbands of Gerar finding their wives closed, he means quite simply that the unfortunate women were sewn up. In that case, one easily pictures to oneself the face of the king of the desert and those of his subjects. Why! this time, they must indeed have taken it badly, and one understands that Abimelech, in order to see the end of this scourge, gave Abraham all the goods he could desire, saying to the prophet and to his wife-sister: Clear out of here quickly! After the miracle of the sewn-up women, inexhaustible Genesis serves us up the miracle of the confinement of Sarah, a woman of ninety, who had long since ceased to have her courses. It is as at Nicolet’s, stronger and stronger; with the facetious pigeon, one is not bored! (‘as at Nicolet’s, stronger and stronger’ — fr. ‘de plus en plus fort, comme chez Nicolet’, from a Paris showman whose acts were billed as growing ever more astonishing) Now, another affair arrives: Abraham, having a legitimate son, is going to turn out of doors Ishmael, the child he had by his concubine. « And Abraham gave the name of Isaac unto the son whom Sarah had borne him. — And he circumcised Isaac at eight days old, as God had commanded him. — Now, Abraham was a hundred years old, when Isaac was born to him. — And Sarah said: God hath given me a subject of laughter; all those who shall learn it, will laugh with me. — She said also: Who would have told Abraham that Sarah should suckle children? for I have borne him a son in his old age. — And the child grew and was weaned. And Abraham made a great feast, the day that Isaac was weaned. — Now, Sarah perceived that the son of the Egyptian Hagar was mocking, that son whom Hagar had borne unto Abraham. — And she said unto Abraham: Drive out this handmaid and her son; for the son of this handmaid must not inherit of thee with my son, with Isaac. — But Abraham was vexed at that, because of his son. — Then, God appeared unto him and said unto him: Have no grief because of this child, nor concerning thy handmaid. On the contrary, obey Sarah, in all that she shall say to thee; for it is in Isaac that thy posterity shall be called by thy name. — Nevertheless, because the son of thy handmaid is of thy seed, I will make him become, he also, a great nation. — Then, Abraham rose in the morning, very early, and, having taken bread and a bottle of water, he put them upon the shoulder of Hagar, giving her her child; he sent her away thus. And Hagar went wandering in the desert of Beersheba. — Now, the water of the bottle was exhausted at the end of some time. Then, Hagar laid her son in the shade of a shrub. — And, having gone away from him the distance of a bowshot, she said: Let me not see this child die! And, as she was sitting over against him, she lifted up her voice, weeping. — And God heard the voice of the young boy; then, an angel of God called Hagar from the height of heaven and said unto her: What aileth thee, Hagar? Fear nothing, for God hath heard the voice of the young boy. — Rise up, go to thy child, make him rise, and take him by the hand; for I will make him become a great nation. — Then, God opened the eyes of Hagar, and she perceived a well; she went thither, filled her bottle with water, and gave the young boy to drink. — And God was with Ishmael; he grew up in the desert; he lived there and became a skilful drawer of the bow. — He settled in the desert of Paran; and his mother gave him a wife of the land of Egypt. » (Genesis 21:3-21) This abrupt dismissal, given by Abraham to his first-born and to poor Hagar, with a piece of bread and a bottle of water, is very inhuman on the part of a personage so powerful and so rich, who had been the conqueror of five kings with three hundred and eighteen men of the pick of his servants and to whom his wife had brought back so much money thanks to her frequentation of the king of Egypt and the king of Gerar. It is difficult, after that, to say that Holy Scripture teaches charity! There follows an episode which has not much interest. Abimelech, accompanied by Phichol, commander-in-chief of his army, comes to pay a visit to Abraham and begs him to swear to him, by God, that he will never tell him any lie again; the king of Gerar asks the patriarch further to contract an alliance with him, and this alliance is concluded on the subject of a well which the servants of Abimelech were disputing with the servants of Abraham. The patriarch, to prove that it is indeed he who dug the well in litigation, sets apart seven ewes of his sheepfold, in a present of sheep and oxen to Abimelech. The latter accepts the flock, but is intrigued to see these seven ewes carefully set apart from the other cattle. Abraham, questioned, answers: « I have set apart these seven young ewes, and thou shalt take them of my hand; they shall be unto thee a testimony that I have truly digged this well. » (v. 30) Abimelech and general Phichol declare themselves convinced and return home. Abraham plants an oak grove round the well; after which, Genesis informs us that the patriarch in the peaked cap dwelt a long time in the country of the Philistines. However, Abraham, who was so happy at having a son by his dear old Sarah, hardly expected the bad joke that Papa Good God had in store for him. « You are fond of him, your brat, O prophet of my heart? Now then, you are going to kill him, yourself, neither more nor less, to be agreeable to me! » Such is the surprise which Jehovah had decreed to give his well-beloved patriarch. It is true that it was for show. The Eternal, being fond of a laugh, simply wished to treat himself to the spectacle of the bewilderment of Alphonse Abraham. Here again one must make use of the textual citation; it is too fine! « It came to pass, after these things, that God tempted Abraham. He said unto him: Abraham! Abraham! And the latter answered: Here am I. — God said unto him again: Take now thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah, to offer me this son in holocaust, upon a mountain which I shall show thee. — Abraham, therefore, having risen early in the morning, girded his ass and took with him two of his servants, as well as Isaac his son. Then, having cut the wood necessary for the sacrifice, he set out on his way, in the direction of the place which God had told him. 62. God orders Abraham to immolate his son to him. — On the third day, he perceived the mountain, afar off. — Then, he said unto the two servants: Wait here, with the ass; we will go, the child and I, even yonder, and we will adore the Eternal; after which, we will return. — And Abraham took the wood for the pile of the sacrifice; he put it upon the back of Isaac his son; as for himself, he furnished himself with the fire to kindle the pile, and he carried also in his hand a great knife. Thus they went away both together. — Then, Isaac, addressing himself to Abraham, said unto him: My father! And Abraham answered: What wouldst thou, my son? And Isaac said: Here indeed is the fire and the wood; but where is the beast for the holocaust? — And Abraham answered him: My son, God will provide himself with the beast for the holocaust. And they continued to walk both together. — When they were arrived at the place which God had told him, Abraham built there an altar, arranged the wood thereupon; then, he bound Isaac his son, and put him upon the wood which he had disposed upon the altar. — Next, Abraham, putting forth his hand, took the knife to cut the throat of his son. — But then an angel of the Eternal cried unto him from heaven: Abraham! Abraham! And he answered: Here am I. — The angel said unto him: Stretch not forth thy hand upon the child, and do him no harm; for, now, I have known that thou fearest God, since thou hast not spared thine only son, for me. 63. Sacrifice of Isaac. — And Abraham, lifting his eyes, perceived a ram which had caught itself by the horns in a thick bush. Then, he went to take this ram, and he immolated it in holocaust, in the place of his son. — And Abraham called that place The-Eternal-will-provide-there. — And the angel of the Eternal cried from the heavens unto Abraham for the second time. — I have sworn by myself, said the Lord, because thou hast done this, not sparing thine only son. — Wherefore I will bless thee yet again; and I will multiply very abundantly thy seed, as the stars of the heavens and as the sand of the shores which are at the edge of the sea; and thy posterity shall possess the gates of thine enemies; — and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in thy seed, because thou hast obeyed my voice. — Thus Abraham returned unto the two servants; and they returned all together, going away then unto Beersheba. » (Genesis 22:1-19) The critics remark that Abraham, who had entreated God to spare the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah, who were strangers to him, addressed not the least prayer in favour of his own son. They accuse the patriarch also of a fresh lie, when he says to the two valets: We will only go, my son and I, and we will come back. Since he was going up the mountain expressly to cut the throat of Isaac and burn him, he could not have the intention of coming back with him. This lie was the act of a barbarian, if the others had been the lies of a covetous procurer prostituting his wife for money. On the other hand, it is not without surprise that one sees Abraham, an old man of a hundred, cut the wood of a pyre himself before setting out: there is needed, to burn a body, at least a large cartload of dry wood; a little green wood could not suffice. No doubt, all this wood was at first carried by the ass and the two servants. In any case, if there were in all only an ass’s load, one is astonished that Isaac, who was not yet thirteen, could carry it in his turn. It is said also that the chafing-dish with which Abraham provided himself to light the fire could hardly contain more than a few coals, and that they must have been extinguished before arriving at the place of sacrifice, since at the moment when the patriarch and his son separated from the two valets, Mount Moriah was still perceived only in the distance. Finally, it has been observed that this famous Mount Moriah, the mountain upon which the temple of Jerusalem was later built, is only a bare rock, of a legendary aridity; never has the least shrub grown there, and all the country round Jerusalem has always been filled with stones, so much so that in all ages wood had to be brought there from very far away. Nevertheless, these various objections do not prevent God from having tried the faith of Abraham, and this patriarch from having merited the blessing of God by his obedience. We shall see, in the sequel, Jephthah immolate his daughter, without any angel coming to interrupt the sacrifice; it is true that Jephthah did not live by procuring and was not a saint. Chapter 23 informs us that Sarah died at the age of a hundred and twenty-seven years, at Hebron, in the land of Canaan. Abraham, having consequently to bury her, bought a certain cavern called of Machpelah, which belonged to a sieur Ephron; the latter made him pay very dear for it. « Ephron said unto Abraham: The land which thou askest is worth four hundred shekels of silver; that is the price between thee and me; bury therefore thy dead. — And Abraham, having heard that, weighed the silver which Ephron asked of him and paid him four hundred shekels of current public money. » (Genesis 23:15-16) It has been reckoned that the silver shekel is equivalent to ten francs of our money of today. Abraham would therefore have paid 4,000 francs for the ground of a cavern in an absolutely sterile country which forms part of the desert by which the Dead Sea is surrounded; that is dearer than a grave in perpetuity at the Montparnasse cemetery, in the middle of Paris! Another subject of astonishment is that it emerges from this that Abraham, although a great lord, did not possess an inch of land of his own; how, with all his riches, had he never acquired the least piece of ground anywhere?... Finally, the critics have remarked that it is strange to see Genesis speak of current public money, in the time of Abraham: not only was there then no money in Canaan; but the Jews never struck money of their own stamp! Must one then understand by this that the four hundred shekels in question signify simply the value of that sum according to the estimate of the author of Genesis? This hypothesis would not resolve the difficulty any better, seeing that money was not known either at the time when Moses, alleged author of the Pentateuch, was supposed to be writing. We see, at chapter 25, that Abraham consoled himself for the death of Sarah by taking another wife, named Keturah; the patriarch was therefore a hundred and forty years old, at least. Now, we have seen that Sarah herself had declared him, when he was in his hundredth year, much too old to beget, and that a miracle of heaven was needed to make him the father of a legitimate son. Well, with Keturah, without any divine intervention, Abraham had six more sons: Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak and Shuah. Finally, the patriarch cherished of Jehovah-Shaddai broke his pipe, one fine evening of his hundred and seventy-fifth year (Genesis 25:7), bequeathing all he possessed to Isaac, save a few presents to his other children. And he was buried beside Sarah, in the cavern of Machpelah. CHAPTER 6 A family devoted to multiplication It is now that we are going to see the promises of Papa Good God accomplished, relative to the great multiplication of the descendants of Abraham. Between the death of Sarah and his marriage with Keturah, the patriarch had occupied himself with establishing his favourite son; this episode forms the subject of chapter 24 of Genesis. One remembers that Nahor, brother of Abraham, had married his niece Milcah. Now, this sire Nahor, who, for his part, did not at all like passing his life in ranging the deserts, had settled in a fertile country, in Mesopotamia. There, he had by Milcah eight sons, named Uz, Buz, Kemuel, Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaph and Bethuel; and, as these eight youngsters did not suffice him, he took besides a concubine, named Reumah, by whom he had four more sons, to whom he gave the names of Tebah, Gaham, Thahash and Maachah. (Genesis 22:20-24) In their turn, these children multiplied, notably Bethuel who had, among others, a boy, Laban, and a girl, Rebecca. It is the latter who, by the grace of Jehovah, was to become Mme Isaac. So then, old Abraham summoned to him, one fine morning, the most ancient of his servants, who was at the same time the steward charged with the administration of his riches. In Genesis, this steward is named only at chapter 15; he was called Dammesek Eliezer. « Abraham said unto him: I pray thee, hold a moment in thy hand my sex, and so swear to me that thou shalt take none of the daughters of the Canaanites, to have her espoused to my son, but that thou shalt go into the land where my kindred reside and that thou shalt choose there the wife of Isaac. » (Genesis 24:2-4) The sceptical commentators have been amused by this manner of administering an oath. St. Jerome and the translators of the Vulgate, finding it too steep, have modified the terms of this passage of Genesis; according to them, Abraham is supposed to have said to Eliezer: « Put thy hand under my thigh, and so swear unto me, etc. » Nevertheless, the original Hebrew text bears: « Take in thy hand my genital parts. » The learned explain this by saying that the virile parts were held in great veneration, not only on account of the circumcision which had consecrated them to God, but because they are the source of the propagation of the human race and the pledge of the blessing of the Lord. However bizarre this way of binding oneself by oath may appear, one must bow with respect; for one must never lose sight of the fact that all this is dictated by the Holy Ghost. The learned therefore say that, every time one finds the word thigh in the Bible arranged by St. Jerome, one must read something else; thus, when one reads further on that a chief of a nation came out of the thigh of Judah, it is evident that there is there an alteration of the sacred text, seeing that children are not made by the thigh, and that, moreover, as has been seen, the divine pigeon makes no scruple about speaking bluntly. « Eliezer swore therefore whilst holding in his hand the genital parts of Abraham his master » (v. 9); after which he set out with ten camels, and betook himself to Mesopotamia. Ah! there was a road to travel! When Eliezer arrived at some distance from the city where he counted on finding relatives of his master, he was exhausted and dying of thirst. Fortunately, he met a pretty little brunette who was strolling in those parts, on her way to fetch water from a well situated outside the gates. This amiable person, very charitable, came to the aid of Eliezer and gave him to drink, as well as his camels. But admire Providence: the little brunette was none other than Rebecca, daughter of Bethuel, granddaughter of Abraham. 64. Eliezer and Rebecca. Eliezer, having made her a present of a ring and two bracelets, inquires her name. Picture the scene! Quickly, he asks to be conducted to the family. Rebecca takes him away, presents him to her father and her brother. The steward explains to them that he has accomplished this journey with the aim of discovering in Mesopotamia a wife for Isaac. Bethuel and Laban cry out: The hand of God is visible in all this; let Rebecca then depart with thee as quickly as possible, and let her be the wife of thy master’s son. Eliezer, quite joyful at the so prompt success of his mission, loads Rebecca with rings of silver and gold and with sumptuous garments; « he gave also exquisite presents to her brother and to her mother ». 65. Eliezer at the house of Bethuel and Laban. The young girl’s mother would have liked the departure to be delayed by ten days. But Rebecca, being questioned, declared that she was in haste to be beside this unknown betrothed. It is difficult to believe, however, that Eliezer had shown her the photograph of Isaac; but she had none the less received the thunderbolt. On his side, young Isaac, although he did not know what wife Eliezer would bring him back, nor even whether he would bring him one at all, was in love, madly in love; he passed his days and his nights on the high road. One easily imagines therefore the joy he felt when one fine morning he observed that Eliezer was not returning empty-handed. The steward made a faithful narrative of his journey; the two young people threw themselves into each other’s arms. 66. Eliezer brings Rebecca back to young Isaac. « Then, Isaac caused Rebecca to enter forthwith into the tent which had been that of Sarah, his mother; and he took Rebecca for wife; and he loved her so much, that thus he was consoled for the death of his mother. » (Genesis 24:67) In the first times, Isaac might well perform prodigies of good will, he did not succeed in becoming a papa as quickly as he would have wished. No more than that is needed for Genesis to accuse Rebecca of sterility; it is always the fault of the women, by Jove! « And Isaac, seeing his wife unfruitful, prayed instantly unto the Eternal for her; and the Eternal was moved by his prayers, and Rebecca conceived. » (Genesis 25:21) Between ourselves, Jehovah was making difficulties; for, yes or no, had he promised Abraham that he should have a descent without end? Yes, is it not so? Now, it is his Providence itself which had chosen Rebecca to be the spouse of the son of Abraham; Papa Good God could not therefore, without failing in his word, have given Isaac an unproductive wife. That is clear. If he had again closed this vulva, it was therefore purely and simply for the sake of treating himself to the pleasure of opening it again, after having kept the heir of his beloved Alphonse Abraham waiting a little. But here the story becomes complicated. « Now, Rebecca having conceived, two children were in her belly, and they fought therein. And Rebecca said: If it be so, wherefore have I conceived? And she went to consult the Eternal. » (Genesis 25:22) One does not clearly see how two foetuses can fight in a womb, above all at the beginning of a pregnancy. A woman may feel pains; but from that to feeling that there are within her sessions of boxing and savate between two twins, there is a long way! all the more as, until the delivery, one never knows whether a single child will come or whether there will be two twins; the accoucheur himself could not prophesy upon this subject; even, in the confinement, at the moment when the child presents itself, no practitioner can affirm whether the birth will be single or double. The sacred author neglects to say to what place Rebecca betook herself to consult Papa Good God. The tabernacle had not yet been invented. It was Jehovah who appeared when he wished; he had chosen no domicile upon earth. Nevertheless, he was consulted, and he answered: « Two nations are in thy belly, said the Eternal unto Rebecca, and two peoples shall come forth from thy vulva; they shall divide themselves; one of the two shall be stronger than the other, and the greater shall be subjected to the lesser. » (Genesis 25:23) At last, the time of the confinement came; Rebecca had the pains, in punishment for the greediness of Eve, « and behold, two twins were found in her womb. The first who came forth was red and bristling with hairs, like a mantle; his name is Esau. And immediately after, came forth his brother, holding with his hand the heel of Esau; and he was called Jacob. Now, Isaac was sixty years old, when they were born. » (Genesis 25:24-26) It is rare for a child to be born all hairy, so rare that Esau is the only example of it. It is no less rare for a child, in being born, to hold another by the foot. But, from the fact that such things no longer happen today, one ought not to conclude that they must not have happened then. These fancies of Jehovah are nothing beside other miracles which we shall have to report. It was Esau who was declared the elder. It is known that the question of primogeniture is settled, in various jurisprudences, in favour of that one of the two twins who came into the world second, and, to decide thus, one relies upon the fact that, conceived and formed first, he must have occupied the bottom of the uterine cavity. By reason of this, perhaps it will be thought that Jacob was more naturally the elder than Esau. But these children had fought so much in their mother’s belly that they had, no doubt, changed places very often! One did not therefore think of drawing the short straw for whom the title of elder belonged to, and it was judged simpler to give it to the one who had seen the light first. Besides, Jacob was not long in substituting himself for Esau. 67. Childhood of Esau and Jacob. « When they were grown up, Esau was a skilful hunter and a man of the country; but Jacob was a simple man, keeping to his dwelling in the tents. — And Isaac loved Esau, because venison was his favourite meat; on the other hand, Rebecca loved Jacob. — Now, one day when Jacob was cooking a pottage of lentils, Esau came in from the fields, being very weary. — And he said unto Jacob: Give me, I pray thee, to eat of that red pottage, because I am worn out. It is for that that he was called Edom. — But Jacob answered him: Sell me to-day thy birthright. — I am dying of hunger, replied Esau; of what use would my birthright be to me? — And Jacob insisted, saying: Swear to me then that thou renouncest it. And Esau swore it to him, and thus he sold his birthright unto Jacob. — Then, Jacob gave his brother bread and the pottage of lentils. And Esau ate and drank, then he rose and went away, having thus disdained his birthright. » (Genesis 25:27-34) 68. Esau yields his birthright to Jacob. We shall not stop to discuss the oddity of this cavilling, at an epoch when there was as yet no right of primogeniture, since no positive law existed; it is only very long afterwards, in Deuteronomy, that one sees this right instituted, the legislator declaring that the elder shall have a double portion. But it is above all interesting to remark, with the philosophers, to what a point the conduct of Jacob was unworthy: it is according to the sacred text itself that Esau was perishing of hunger and that Jacob, abusing the state in which his brother found himself, is without excuse; the Bible has not a word to justify him. Besides, the name of Jacob signifies « he who supplants ». He seems, in fact, well to merit this name, since he always supplanted Esau. He is not content with selling him his lentils so dearly; like a brigand who makes his victim sign a demand for ransom, he wrings from his brother the oath of renunciation of his rights; he ruins him for a bowl of pottage without any value; and that is not the only wrong he will do him. Well, this bargain in which the starving man is cynically exploited and duped, this transaction void in itself, this extorted renunciation which any tribunal whatever would have declared null, the lord Jehovah, alleged god of justice, protector of the weak, avenger of the oppressed, has ratified all that, has accepted Jacob as legitimate proprietor of those famous rights of primogeniture, and the dispossession of Esau has been recognized by God as regular and valid for ever. Some time afterwards, Isaac showed himself the worthy son of Abraham. A great famine having supervened, Isaac betook himself to Gerar, where Abimelech was still reigning, whom Genesis all at once calls king of the Philistines. God might have given bread to Isaac, for himself and his family; but no, he preferred to favour him with a vision, in which he held to him a discourse exactly similar to those with which he regaled Abraham: I will multiply thy seed as the stars of heaven, I will give to thy posterity all the lands, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in thy seed (the well-known air). Isaac dwelt therefore at Gerar, and when the people of the country questioned him about Rebecca, he answered: She is my sister (Genesis 26:1-7). « Now, one day, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, was looking through his window, and, to his great surprise, he saw that Isaac was caressing Rebecca. — Then, he made Isaac come unto him, and he said unto him: It is certain, I have seen it, that this woman is thy wife; then, wherefore hast thou said to all that she is thy sister? And Isaac answered: I was afraid that I should be killed because of her beauty. — And Abimelech cried out: What hast thou done to us there? It wanted but little that some one of my people had lain with thy wife, and thou wouldst thus have drawn upon us a great sin! — Abimelech therefore made an ordinance, decreed for all the people and bearing this: Whosoever shall touch Isaac or his wife shall be punished with death. » (Genesis 26:8-11) Abimelech, one sees, remembered the miracle of the sewn-up women, although more than eighty years had already elapsed since the adventure of Sarah. On the other hand, what is rather singular is that the Bible always represents the Philistines to us as adoring another god than that of Abraham and of Isaac, and yet here is their king, an idolater, constantly recognizing the divinity of Jehovah. What an imbroglio! « Now, in the land of Gerar, Isaac sowed in the earth, and he gathered that year the hundredfold of that which he had sown. » (Genesis 26:12) It is already a strong thing that Isaac could sow in a country where he did not possess an inch of ground; but, keeping in view that the country of Gerar is a desert where there is nothing but sand, one is the more marvelled; and it is a harvest of a hundred for one that comes out of that sand! The most fertile lands in the world have rarely produced twenty-five for one. Isaac had luck!... Genesis informs us that he grew rich very quickly: with such harvests, that is conceivable. The Philistines bore him envy and stopped up with stones all the wells which Abraham had formerly dug. Hence, quarrels; Abimelech begged him to go further off. Isaac departed, established himself in a valley and unstopped his father’s wells. Fresh contestations; fresh apparition of Jehovah, to encourage Isaac; fresh treaty of alliance with Abimelech; great feasting. The reader will understand that we spare him all these tedious details (Genesis 26:13-33). As for Esau, « when he was forty years old, he married Judith, daughter of Beeri, the Hittite, and Bashemath, daughter of Elon, another Hittite, who, both of them, offended Isaac and Rebecca » (Genesis 26:34-35). The sacred author does not tell us in what this offence consisted. Nevertheless, Esau continued to be his father’s preferred son. « Isaac being become old, his eyes grew so dim that he could no longer see. He called Esau, his eldest son, and said unto him: My son. Esau answered: Here am I. — And Isaac said unto him: Thou seest it, I am now very aged, and I know not what day I shall die. — Take therefore now thy quiver and thy bow; go into the country, and bring me some game. — Make me thereof a ragout such as thou knowest that I love them; bring it me, that I may eat thereof and that my soul may bless thee before I die. — Now, Rebecca was listening, whilst Isaac spake to Esau his son. The latter therefore departed into the country to hunt and bring back game. — Then Rebecca said unto Jacob her son: I have heard thy father, who was speaking to Esau thy brother and who was saying to him: Bring me of thy hunting and make me thereof a ragout, that I may eat thereof, and I will bless thee before the Eternal before dying. — Now therefore, my son, obey my word, and do that which I am about to command thee. — Go to our flock, and take two of the best kids; of their flesh, I will prepare a ragout for thy father, such as I know that he loves them. — Thou shalt carry these dishes to thy father, that he may eat them, and thus it is thou whom he shall bless before his death. — Jacob answered Rebecca his mother: Thou knowest that Esau my brother is very hairy, and I, I have no hair. — If my father come to feel me, he will understand that I have wished to deceive him, and I shall draw upon myself his curse, instead of his blessing. — And his mother said unto him: Let that curse which thou fearest be upon me! Only obey my word, and go fetch that which I have told thee. — He went therefore and brought back the two kids to his mother, and Rebecca prepared one of those ragouts of which Isaac was so fond. — Then, she took the richest garments of Esau her eldest son, which were in the house, and she clothed therewith Jacob her younger. — And, with the skins of the kids, she covered his hands and his neck, which were without hair. — Next, she delivered to Jacob the ragout, as well as bread which she had baked. — Jacob came therefore unto Isaac and said unto him: My father. Isaac answered: I am here; who art thou, my son? — And Jacob said unto his father: I am Esau thy eldest son; I have done that which thou hast commanded me. Rise, I pray thee; sit down, and eat of my hunting, that thy soul may bless me. — But Isaac said: What is this? How hast thou been able to find game so soon? Jacob answered: The Eternal, thy god, hath willed that I should find some at once. — Isaac said again: My son, draw near then, that I may feel thee, and I shall know thus whether thou art my son Esau himself, or whether thou art not. — Jacob therefore drew near unto his father, who felt him; and Isaac said: This voice is the voice of Jacob, but these hands are the hands of Esau. — Thus, he knew him not, because his hands being hairy appeared to him like those of his eldest son; and he blessed him. — And he said unto him again: Art thou indeed my son Esau? Jacob answered: I am. — Give me then to eat of thy hunting, continued Isaac, that my soul may bless thee. Jacob served him the dishes, and he ate thereof; he brought him also wine, and he drank thereof. — Then, Isaac said unto him: Draw near, I pray thee, and kiss me, my son. — Jacob drew near and kissed him; and Isaac, having smelled the odour of his garments, blessed him, saying: Behold indeed the odour of my son, like the odour of a field which the Eternal hath blessed. — May God give thee the dew of heaven and the fatness of the earth, and a great abundance of corn, and the best wine! — May the peoples serve thee, and may the nations prostrate themselves before thee! Be the master of thy brothers, and may the children of thy mother be bowed before thee! Whosoever shall curse thee be cursed, and whosoever shall bless thee be blessed! » (Genesis 27:1-29) 69. Jacob gets himself blessed by Isaac. All this deserves a few observations; but let us first see the end of this edifying story. « Scarcely was Jacob gone out after having received the blessing of Isaac, when Esau returned from the hunt. — He also dressed his game and brought the ragout to his father, saying unto him: Rise, my father, that thou mayest eat of the hunting of thy son, and that thy soul may bless me. — And Isaac said: Who art thou then? Esau answered him: I am Esau thy eldest son. — Then, Isaac felt an extraordinary emotion, and he said: But who is he that brought me game, and where is he? I have eaten, before thou camest, of all that he presented me; I have blessed him, and behold he shall be blessed! — As soon as Esau had heard these words, he uttered a cry very great and very bitter, and he said unto his father: Ah! give me also thy blessing, my father! — But Isaac answered: It is thy brother who came here fraudulently; he hath succeeded in surprising me, and he hath carried away thy blessing. — Esau replied: He hath been called Jacob with reason; for he hath already supplanted me twice: he took away from me my birthright, and behold now he hath stolen from me thy blessing. Come, my father, hast thou reserved no blessing for me? — And Isaac answered Esau: Behold what I have done; I have established him thy master, and I have subjected to him all his brothers; he shall have corn in abundance, he shall have the best wine; after that, what can I do for thee, my son? — And Esau said again: Hast thou then but one single blessing, my father? O my father, bless me also. And Esau wept, uttering great cries. 70. Fury of Esau. — Isaac answered him: Well then, behold for thee: thy dwelling shall be in a fat soil, watered by the dew of the heavens above. — And thou shalt live by thy sword; but thou shalt serve thy brother; nevertheless, the time shall come when thou shalt shake the yoke from off thy neck. » (Genesis 27:30-40) And that is all; Esau had no blessing. I appeal to Leo XIII himself, who pulled a wry face and struck the table with his fist, it is said, when he learned that I had mystified him in the finest fashion and that as a good humbug I had wheedled benedictions out of him at which I chuckled in my inmost heart. Yes, I appeal to the Holy Father in person, and I shut him up in this dilemma: either this story of Isaac, Rebecca, Esau and Jacob is a ridiculous whopper, and in that case Leo XIII would be wrong to bear me a grudge, since the Holy Ghost, inspirer of Genesis, in mystifying the credulous devout, sets the example of strong hoaxes and shows that in matters of religion one may tell imbeciles anything whatever; or else this story is rigorously true, and in that case the God of the Catholics is himself a mere gherkin (‘gherkin’ — fr. ‘cornichon’, a pickled gherkin, is French slang for a fool), since his benedictions remained bound to those of the doting Isaac, whom Jacob mystified on the grand scale. In one case as in the other, freethinking humbugs have no need to restrain themselves; they may, if it amuses them, make game of the faithful and the curés, of the bishops and the pope, of the patriarchs, saints and prophets, and even of Papa Good God, become the most softened in the brain of the whole collection. In fact, according to what emerges from the sacred text, the blessing of Isaac was not an ordinary paternal benediction, that is to say the wish which a father forms for the happiness of his son; it was, on the contrary, a solemn, formal act, entailing precise and certain consequences, something like an act at once religious and juridical, having all the value of a notarial deed of today: although verbal, this blessing was as a written document, and the beneficiary was indeed the one upon whose head it had been pronounced, whoever he might be, since it was not liable to be taken back or annulled. Holy Scripture shows us Isaac profoundly moved, when he perceives that he has been deceived; he is greatly vexed at having let himself be tricked by Jacob; but it is impossible for him to go back upon what is done; n, i, ni — finished. (‘n, i, ni’ — fr. a schoolroom spelling-out formula, ‘n, i, ni, c’est fini’: and that is the end of it) Jacob has stolen and carried off the blessing destined for Esau; so much the worse for Esau! One therefore finds oneself in the presence of a well and truly criminal fraud; in all conscience, any jury whatever would declare Jacob guilty of having committed the crime of forgery; he would be condemned, as well as his mother, Rebecca having been not only accomplice, but instigator of the punishable act, having perpetrated it, having prepared the whole fraud and set everything to work to ensure its success. Now, however criminal the imposture may have been, since it had for its aim and had for its effect to defraud Esau of a possession as considerable as this blessing so fertile in material results, one asks oneself, on the other hand, how Isaac could fall into the trap; the word « doting », which I employed just now, is not too strong. What! Genesis tells us that the old fellow had recognized the voice of Jacob; he is full of hesitations, he is suspicious, and, in spite of that, he lets himself be caught, like the veriest idiot, by one of the coarsest of artifices?... He expects game, he loves game, he is a lover of it, and his greediness is one of the causes of his preference for Esau; now, he is served with kid, and his palate, so accustomed to game, confounds the kid with the pheasant or the hare. My word! what a cordon bleu, madame Rebecca! there is a cook out of the common, who would have concocted a bouillabaisse with seaweed and pebbles!... But the sense of taste is not the only one to have gone suddenly out of order in old Isaac; he is doting even in smell and touch. Rebecca had covered with the skin of a kid the hands and the neck of Jacob; now, however hairy Esau might be, his skin could not resemble that of a kid. Isaac does not think of feeling the rest of the body; he does not perceive that his son’s hands have no nails. He smells the odour of Esau’s garments, and nothing else; and yet, the odour of the skin of a freshly killed animal must have made itself felt. So much for the dotage of Isaac. Moreover, one asks oneself how God could attach his blessings to those of Isaac, extorted by a fraud so punishable and which only a dribbler, in the last degree of decrepitude, could fail to discover. Here then is God the slave of a vain ceremony, which by itself has no force, or else Jehovah is softened enough in the brain to be a match for the doting Isaac. These observations apply to the hypothesis of the veracity of the episode. But it is quite evident that if this story is a pure hoax, — which would leave the brain of Papa Good God free from all suspicion of stupefaction, — the Church can no longer give us its divine pigeon to venerate as a grave and serious inspirer: either this eternal fowl drivels like a parrot fallen into second childhood; or else it is a mystifying duck. We incline towards this latter opinion. Now then, let us see the sequel of the lofty fancies of the pigeon-duck. Esau, vexed — and there was reason for it! — at having been swindled and at seeing upon the head of the swindler that fine brand-new blessing whose gift had been promised him, swore to himself that he would kill Jacob. Mother Rebecca, terrified, advised Jacob to take a few grains of the powder of decampment very quickly (‘the powder of decampment’ — fr. ‘prendre la poudre d’escampette’, to bolt, to make off in a hurry); the latter, being somewhat of a funk, for that matter, did not need telling twice. Rebecca therefore told him to take refuge with her brother Laban, and old Isaac urged him to profit by the circumstance to marry one of his cousins. (Genesis 27:41-46, 28:1-5) While Jacob was betaking himself to Mesopotamia, Esau went to take a turn in the country of Ishmael; there, he married Mahalath, daughter of Ishmael; his two first wives did not suffice him (Genesis 28:6-9). Here then is Jacob on the road to Haran (Genesis 28:10). « Now, being arrived at a certain place, and wishing to rest there after the sun was set, Jacob took a stone, put it under his head and fell asleep in that place. — Then, he had a dream in which he saw a ladder, which was resting upon the earth, and whose top touched even unto the heavens; and the angels of God ascended and descended along this ladder. — He saw also the Eternal who stood at the end of the ladder, and who said unto him: I am the Eternal, the God of Abraham and of Isaac; I will give thee the land whereon thou sleepest, to thee and to thy posterity; — and thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth; I will give thee the West and the East, the North and the South; in thee and in thy seed shall be blessed all the nations of the earth; — and I am with thee, thy keeper and thy guide wheresoever thou shalt go, and I will bring thee back into this country. 71. Jacob’s ladder. — When Jacob awoke, he said: Truly, the Lord is in this place and I knew nothing of it! — And he was afraid and cried out: How terrible is this place! it is the house of God and the gate of heaven. — And, rising early in the morning, he took the stone whereof he had made his pillow, set it up and poured oil thereupon. — Then, he gave the name of Bethel to the city which was called before Luz. — And he made a vow unto the Lord, saying: If God dwell with me, if he preserve me from accidents in the journey which I am making, if he give me bread to eat and garments to clothe me; — and if I return safe and sound unto my father, then certainly the Lord shall be my god; — and this stone, which I have set up as a monument, shall be called the house of God; then, yea, Lord, I will give thee the tithe of all that thou shalt have given me. » (Genesis 28:11-22) Let us neglect to contest the existence of a city named Luz or Bethel in the region in question; the geographers have never heard speak of Bethel, any more than of Luz. What must be admired is the practical spirit of the astonishing Jacob. He has swindled Esau his elder brother, Isaac his father and Jehovah himself, by rebound; and so he quite means not to let himself be cheated by Papa Good God, and he lays down his conditions to the Lord Most High. The god of his ancestors has just given him an extraordinary spectacle; he has shown him his angels giving themselves up on a ladder to very varied exercises of gymnastics; he has promised him mountains and marvels in a fine discourse. Jacob’s first sentiment is fear mingled with respect; but he has soon reassured himself and reflected that all that was only a dream. And so he says to the god of his ancestors: « If thou givest me bread and garments, thou shalt be my god; I will adore thee. » Which is equivalent to saying: « If thou givest me nothing, bosh for thee, old fellow! » He promises the tithe, an egg, to the Lord, but on condition that the Lord shall have gratified him with an ox. So be it!... The critics have compared this discourse of Jacob’s to the usages of certain peoples who threw their idols into the river when they had not obtained the rain they asked for. I have known an old devotee who put St. Joseph in penance when she had not won at the lottery; that is to say she turned round the statue of St. Joseph, its head against the wall in its niche; that good Christian woman, pious but artful in her superstition, must have been descended from Jacob. After this incident of travel, Jacob set out again. In a field, a well where flocks were watering furnished him the occasion of making acquaintance with a shepherdess; and precisely, it was his cousin Rachel. As one sees, Genesis repeats itself: Eliezer, by a providential chance, had likewise met, beside a well, Rebecca whom he did not know and whom he had come to seek. Rachel, who was the younger daughter of Laban, therefore conducted to her father’s house the amiable cousin Jacob; presentation to the family. Leah, the elder daughter, had « the blear eyes », the Bible tells us, and she left Jacob absolutely cold. On the other hand, Rachel had the gift of hitting him in the eye (‘hitting him in the eye’ — fr. ‘taper dans l’œil’, to take somebody’s fancy at once); « she had a fine figure and she was beautiful to look upon ». Jacob communicated his preferences to uncle Laban, who let his nephew hear a few words of hope. Now, Laban was a practical man. He said to Jacob: — My little one, thou wishest to marry Rachel; I do not oppose it, but she must be earned. 72. Jacob asks Laban for the hand of his daughter Rachel. — How is that, my uncle? — By serving me as a domestic for seven years, so that I may have the leisure to see whether thou art a hard-working and steady lad. The bargain was concluded. For seven years, in order to test Jacob, the uncle made him do the hardest work of the house. 73. Jacob takes service with Laban. The trial ended, the wedding day arrived. The bride was covered with a great veil, according to custom; Jacob was wriggling like a fish in water. Laban, grave and solemn, himself filled, in this affair, the functions of mayor and high priest. He declared the marriage accomplished, to the great satisfaction of Jacob. 74. First marriage of Jacob. This ceremony was very solemn. Here, it is well to cite the text dictated by the Holy Ghost: « Laban, therefore, assembled all the people of the country and gave a great feast. — But, when the evening was come, he took Leah, his elder, and delivered her to Jacob, who lay with her. — But, in the morning, at his awaking, Jacob recognised that it was Leah; and he said unto Laban: Wherefore hast thou acted thus? have I not served thee seven years to have Rachel? wherefore hast thou deceived me? 75. Jacob perceives that it is Leah who has been given him in marriage. — In this country, answered Laban, it is not the custom to marry a younger before her elder sister. — Lie with Leah during a week more, and, on condition that thou be again my servant for a labour of seven years, then I will give thee Rachel also. 76. Jacob takes service with Laban a second time. — Jacob did therefore so; he fulfilled during a week his duties as husband with Leah, and Laban gave him for wife Rachel also. — Jacob lay at last with Rachel, whom he loved more than Leah, having served with Laban yet seven other years. » (Genesis 29:22-30) On the occasion of this double marriage, Laban had given Leah a servant named Zilpah, and Rachel a servant named Bilhah. 77. Jacob marries Rachel at last. Thus Jacob, who had swindled his father and his brother, was swindled by his uncle. Only, one does not too well understand how, having lived first for seven years in the family and knowing his two cousins well, he passed a whole night with Leah believing that he had to do with Rachel. « Now, the Eternal, seeing that Jacob disdained Leah, opened the vulva of the latter, and on the other hand he closed the vulva of Rachel. » (Genesis 29:31). This is already not so bad; but the finest thing is what Genesis adds in the four following verses: Jacob is represented as having fulfilled his conjugal duties only during one week in all, the week which followed his first marriage; well, in spite of that, Leah laid him four sons one after another, who were Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah. « Then, Rachel, seeing that she gave no child to Jacob, said unto him: Make me children, or else, I shall die. — And Jacob entered into a great anger against Rachel and cried out: Dost thou then take me for a god? I do all that is necessary, but is it I who withhold from thee the fruit of thy womb? — Rachel answered: If it be so, here is Bilhah my handmaid; go in unto her; and when she shall be about to be delivered, she shall bring forth upon my knees; thus I shall have children by her. — And Jacob lay with Bilhah. — Bilhah conceived, and it was a son whom she bore unto Jacob. — Rachel said: God hath then heard me; and she gave to this son the name of Dan. — Bilhah conceived again and bore a second son. — And then Rachel said: In all this, I have strongly wrestled against my sister, and behold I have the victory. Wherefore she gave to this child the name of Naphtali. — But Leah, seeing that she had ceased to have children, took her handmaid Zilpah and put her in the bed of Jacob. — And Zilpah, in her turn, bore a son unto Jacob. — Then Leah said: This child who cometh is like a troop of reinforcement. Wherefore she called him Gad. — Then, Zilpah bore another son unto Jacob. — And Leah said: This is yet more happy: now, all the daughters will call me blessed. And she called the child Asher. » (Genesis 30:1-13) With what commentary shall we accompany this edifying text?... Let us not insist. The sequel is more edifying still. To understand what one is about to read, it is well to know that, according to an ancient belief, still widespread in some country districts, the roots of mandrakes are supposed to be very efficacious against impotence. These roots having a bizarre form lending itself easily to obscene transformations, the charlatans, at every epoch, made of them priapi which they recommended people to carry upon themselves; or again they were macerated, and the liquor thus drawn from them passed for a marvellous philtre of love. The Holy Ghost therefore amused himself by dictating to the writer of Genesis an episode setting off this bizarre plant with its alleged aphrodisiac virtues. It is Reuben who goes to gather some for his mother; is that not charming?... « Now, Reuben having gone into the fields at the time of harvest, dug up there mandrakes, which he brought to Leah his mother. And Rachel said unto Leah: Give me, I pray thee, of these mandrakes. — But Leah answered her: Is it not enough already that thou hast taken from me my husband, and must thou also wish to eat the mandrakes which my son hath brought me? Rachel said unto her: Well then, against these mandrakes which I ask of thee, I will render thee Jacob that he may lie one night with thee. — When therefore Jacob returned from the fields in the evening, Leah went to meet him and said unto him: Thou shalt come in unto me this night, for I have bought thee for the price of the mandrakes which my son had gathered; and he lay with her that night. — And God hearkened to the prayer of Leah; and she became with child, and thus she bore her fifth son. — And Leah said: The Eternal hath recompensed me, after that I have given my handmaid to my husband. Wherefore she named this son Issachar ». (Genesis 30:14-18) Leah had yet a sixth son, who received the name of Zebulun, and a daughter, called Dinah, without Genesis telling us on what occasion Jacob again overcame the repugnance he had for her. As for Rachel, one must believe that the mandrakes produced their effect or that Jehovah decided to open her vulva; she ended by becoming great with child in her turn; and the son of Jacob and Rachel was named Joseph. Nevertheless, one must not imagine that Jacob had meekly swallowed his fourteen years of scrubbing and washing up; the Bible shows us that he kept for Laban a pup of his bitch (‘a pup of his bitch’ — fr. ‘garder à quelqu’un un chien de sa chienne’, to nurse a grudge until one can pay it back). First, Jacob played his uncle and father-in-law a trick of his own fashion: he asked him to give him all the lambs and all the kids of his flocks which should be born with green spots; Laban consented, fully convinced that Jacob would wait a long time. He had reckoned without the crafty spirit of his son-in-law. The latter, according to Holy Scripture, took branches of poplar, of hazel and of chestnut, from which he removed the bark, and he placed these branches thus stripped in the troughs and the watering-places where the ewes and the she-goats of Laban came to drink; the result was that, from then on, almost all the lambs and kids born in the flocks of the father-in-law were strangely variegated, had green spots. Laban could not get over it, and there was reason for it! but he was obliged, by his promise, to make Jacob a present of all this extraordinary cattle. We recommend this recipe to amateurs who, experiencing some difficulty in procuring white blackbirds, might desire to treat themselves to the luxury of having green sheep. This marvellous recipe and the details of its success, guaranteed by the divine pigeon, if you please, are set out at full length in the sublime Genesis, chapter 30, verses 25 to 43. Next, the artful Jacob, not content with having, by this trick, stripped Laban of nine tenths of his flocks, made off one fine morning without warning him, taking away his little family, already numerous. Leah and Rachel, taking his part against their father, had approved of him as soon as he confided to them his projects of flight; Rachel even, in going away, pinched from her father all his idols, which she carried off, without saying anything about it. 78. Departure of Jacob; regrets of Laban. Here is our Laban desolated; he sets out in pursuit of his son-in-law and his daughters; he manages to overtake the caravan. In spite of all his eloquence, he could not persuade Jacob to retrace his steps. « At the least, give me back my gods! said he to him; wherefore hast thou stolen from me my gods? » Jacob does not know what that means. He invites Laban to inspect the family’s baggage. While her father is inspecting Leah’s effects, Rachel stuffs the idols into the pack-saddle of a camel and sits down upon it; then she begs Laban to excuse her if she cannot rise: « My father, said she, I have at this moment my courses » (textual). Laban might well rummage, he did not find his idols. At last, after a fairly lively scene on both sides, the son-in-law and the father-in-law separated definitively, not without having piled up stones, in order that these pebbles might be witnesses of their promise not to seek henceforward to injure one another. The departure of Jacob, his pursuit by Laban, and the final treaty fill the whole of chapter 31. The two following chapters are devoted to the continuation of Jacob’s journey, returning to the land of Canaan. He meets Esau, and a touching reconciliation takes place between them. But a passage which is worth reproducing is that in which the author relates to us a new farce of Jehovah’s: Papa Good God playing the ghost, wishing to beat Jacob, and succeeding only in getting a drubbing, in spite of his omnipotence. The husband of Leah, Rachel, Zilpah and Bilhah had just made his caravan cross the ford of Jabbok; it was night. « Then, Jacob, having remained alone upon the road, was attacked by a phantom of human form, which wrestled against him until the rising of the dawn. — And this phantom, not being able to throw him down, touched him at the place of the socket of his hip, which was immediately put out of joint; but the struggle with the spectre continued. — Now, the spectre said unto Jacob: I have had enough of it, let me go; for the dawn ascendeth. But Jacob answered him: I will not loose thee, until thou hast blessed me. — What is thy name? demanded the phantom. He answered: Jacob. — The spectre said then: Thy name shall no more be Jacob, but Israel; for, since thou hast been able to fight against God, how much stronger shalt thou be against men! — And Jacob questioned him, saying: I pray thee, teach me thy name. And the phantom answered him: Wherefore askest thou me my name? And then he blessed him there. — And Jacob named that place Peniel; for, said he, it is there that I have seen God face to face and that my soul hath been delivered. — And the sun rose, as soon as he had quitted Peniel; and Jacob was lame of one hip. » (Genesis 32:24-31) The critics have remarked that the name of Israel, given by the divine phantom to Jacob, was the name of an angel in the mythology of the Chaldeans. Jewish tradition maintains that this name signifies strong against God; however, Philo, a very learned Jew, maintains that the name is really Chaldean, and not Hebrew, and that it signifies seeing God. Be that as it may, it is not without a gentle smile that one reads the narrative of this adventure. I do not believe that any mythology represents any man whatever as robust enough to give a hiding to a god; and moreover Jacob held firm and had the upper hand, even after the wrestling spectre had put his hip out of joint!... Let us pass to another adventure. The reader has seen that Leah was confined seven times and that her seventh child was a daughter, Dinah. On the other hand, we have the exact reckoning of the time spent by Jacob with Laban; at the time of his dispute at the moment of the flight, he says to the uncle and father-in-law: « I have served thee these twenty years past in thy house, fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy flocks. » (Genesis 31:41) The birth of Reuben, the eldest, can therefore only have taken place in the eighth year; and if one does not forget that Leah remained at least two years without having children, during which time she lent her servant Zilpah to Jacob, chronology places the birth of Dinah in the sixteenth year of the stay with Laban. Dinah was therefore four years old at the very most when Jacob left his uncle and father-in-law. This remark was necessary, seeing that Genesis shows us Dinah inspiring a violent passion in the son of a king, from the first days of her arrival with her family in the land of Canaan, that is to say immediately after the struggle against the phantom and the reconciliation of Esau and Jacob. « Jacob arrived in good health at the city of Salem, in the land of Canaan, coming from Paddan-Aram (country of Laban), and he pitched his tents before the city. — Next, he bought of the children of Hamor, for a hundred pieces of silver, a part of the field where he was encamping; Hamor was the father of the young prince Shechem. » (Genesis 33:18-19) It is this prince Shechem who suddenly fell in love with little Dinah, aged four years! « Now, Dinah, daughter of Leah, had the curiosity to see the women of the country, and she went out of the camp. — And the prince Shechem, son of Hamor, king of the country, saw her, drew her away and made her lie with him. — His heart being strongly attached to Dinah, he loved the little girl, lavished great caresses upon her and spake to her according to his heart. — Shechem spake also to Hamor and said unto him: My father, I conjure thee, obtain for me that I may have this little girl for wife. » (Genesis 34:1-4) King Hamor therefore betook himself to Jacob and made the overture desired by his son. In truth, prince Shechem had to excuse himself for having gone a little too fast; but he was decided to submit to all Jacob’s requirements in order to have his pardon. The Bible gives to understand that Jacob was in fairly good dispositions; on the other hand, Dinah’s brothers would not hear speak of a marriage to repair the fault of prince Shechem. « The sons of Jacob, being returned from the fields and having learned what had happened, were extremely angry and greatly irritated, and said that Shechem had committed an infamous action against Israel in lying with the daughter of Jacob, which ought not to be done. — Hamor therefore spake to them and said unto them: Shechem, my son, hath much love for Dinah; grant, I pray you, that she may be his wife. — And ye yourselves, ally yourselves with us; give us your daughters and take our daughters for yourselves. — And dwell among us; all the country shall be at your disposal; cultivate it, trade therein, and even possess it. — As for Shechem, he said in his turn to the father and to the brothers of the little girl: Let me find grace before you! and I will give all that shall please you. — Impose upon me to furnish a rich dowry, ask of me numerous presents; all that ye shall wish, I will give it you; but give me the little Dinah for wife! — Then, the sons of Jacob, deceiving of set purpose Hamor and Shechem, answered: — We cannot grant our sister to an uncircumcised man; for it would be for us a reproach. — But we will consent to that which ye wish, if all the males who are among you accept to cut off their foreskin. — Then, yea, we will give you our daughters, and we will marry with yours; and we will dwell among you, and we shall be no more than one single people; — but, if ye will not all be circumcised, we will take back Dinah, our little sister, and we will go away. — And this discourse pleased Hamor and Shechem. — And the young prince deferred not to do that which was proposed to him; for his love for the daughter of Jacob filled his heart. » (Genesis 34:7-19) Thereupon, king Hamor and his son assembled the people and repeated to them the propositions which had just been made to them. The alliance with the family of Jacob was accepted unanimously. There was a general circumcision of all the males of the city (Genesis 34:24). 79. Reconciliation of Esau and Jacob. But, « three days after, two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, having taken their sword, entered boldly into the city and killed all the men. — They cut the throats also of Hamor and Shechem, took back Dinah and led her away. — Then, all the children of Jacob threw themselves upon the dead, stripped them and put the city to pillage, crying that they thus avenged their sister for having been taken. — And they seized the flocks, the oxen, the asses and all that the inhabitants possessed in the city and in the fields. — And they led away prisoners the children and the women, after having sacked everything and taken all that was in the houses. » (Genesis 34:25-29) All this is very horrible. The sons and the people of Jacob’s caravan behave like the lowest of blackguards towards this population which had received them so fraternally, which had pushed friendship so far as to accept their most absurd ritual practice, circumcision. Never were assassins more perfidious, nor more thievish, nor more bloodthirsty. But the horror of the crime is effaced before the improbability of such monstrosities, and there again the sceptic appreciates as a dilettante the mystification of the pigeon Holy Ghost. This Simeon and this Levi, authors of that frightful carnage, are two urchins who have scarcely ceased to be snotty-nosed; Simeon was born in the ninth year of Jacob’s stay with Laban, and Levi in the tenth; they were therefore only eleven and ten years old, according to the Bible, when, between the two of them, they massacred king Hamor, prince Shechem and all their male subjects. It is true that Simeon and Levi, having in their veins the blood of a civilian who had thrashed God in person, must have been terrible youngsters!... They don’t make them of that stamp any more!... Chapter 35 of Genesis informs us that Jacob, being all at once distressed that his wives were idolaters and saying to himself that this might bring him ill luck, « said unto his family and unto all those who were with him: Cast far from you all the strange gods that ye have; purify yourselves and change your garments » (v. 2). No sooner said than done; Rachel, Leah, Zilpah, Bilhah, etc., etc., delivered up their idols to Jacob, who buried them at the foot of an oak, in the environs of the city which had just been devastated. Jehovah, charmed by this fine action, troubled the heads of all the inhabitants of the region, and these « thought not to pursue Jacob and his children » (v. 5). We have also in this chapter a fresh apparition of Papa Good God, with a discourse to Jacob; but it is always the same old refrain. Then, towards the spring, Jacob arrives on a road which leads to Ephrath. There, Rachel had so painful a confinement that it put her to death. « Her soul being near to be breathed out, she gave to her son the name of Benoni, the son of my sorrow; but Jacob named him Benjamin, the son of my right thigh » (v. 18). Jacob buried his dear Rachel there and placed upon her sepulchre a stone which the Musulmans still show today. Now, while Jacob was weeping for Rachel, young Reuben, the eldest son he had had by Leah, profited by his sorrowful distraction to slip in beside one of the patriarch’s wives; he therefore seduced his stepmother Bilhah and lay with her; but, when Jacob learned that he was cuckolded by his son, he shut his eyes and did not grow angry at all, at least for the moment. Finally, Jacob, having returned to the plain of Mamre, found there his father Isaac: the latter died some time afterwards; he was then a hundred and eighty years old. Isaac was buried by Esau and Jacob. (‘the son of my right thigh’ — fr. Taxil’s Bible has ‘le fils de ma cuisse droite’, where English Bibles have ‘the son of my right hand’. It is the same euphemism of ‘thigh’ for the genitals that Taxil mocked in the oath sworn by Eliezer.) Jacob was therefore at the head of a numerous family, but so was Esau. Chapter 36 gives us an important survey of the posterity of the latter; it is a veritable string of « dukes », with names each more stunning than the last. 80. Jacob, blessed of God, has a numerous family. In this chapter and in the preceding one, the critics point out two verses, which allow one to say that the first five books of the Bible are mendaciously attributed to Moses. Thus, it is said at verse 19 of chapter 35: « Rachel was buried on the road which leads to Ephrath, to-day Bethlehem. » Now, the city in question could not be called Ephrath, at the time when Moses is supposed to be writing, seeing that this denomination is indicated further on as having been fixed by a certain Caleb, who had for wife a certain Ephrath; this Caleb gave his wife’s name to the then rising township; and Caleb was contemporary with Joshua, successor of Moses. With all the more reason could Moses not cite the name of Bethlehem, which replaced, several centuries afterwards, the name of Ephrath. At verse 31 of chapter 36, the true writer of Genesis betrays himself still more clumsily; this verse, which follows a nomenclature of descendants of Esau, is conceived thus: « These are the kings who reigned in the land of Edom, before the children of Israel had a king. » It is evident that these lines can only have been written subsequently to the first Jewish royalty, that is to say after Saul. If, in a history of a nation of Europe, one found, for example, this: « These princes governed various principalities of Germany, long before France was a Republic, under the régime of a parliamentary assembly named the Convention », one would be unanimous in declaring that the book was necessarily written during or after the Convention, but not before the first French Republic. Let us come to the history of Joseph, whose beginnings form the subject of chapter 37 of Genesis. Of all his children, the one whom Jacob cherished the most was Joseph, to whom he had granted a very fine robe with stripes of vivid colours. Joseph, who has left a reputation as a diviner of dreams and who could have given points to the most extra-lucid somnambulists, entered early upon this career; at seventeen, he was already astonishing his family. Unfortunately for him, he naïvely related his own dreams, and his dreams were in general of a nature to exalt himself and to humiliate his eleven brothers. One day, he had dreamed that, while sheaves were being bound in a field, his sheaf had risen up and stood erect, and that then the sheaves of his brothers had prostrated themselves before his. Another day, it was the sun, the moon and eleven stars which had come and made him profound obeisances during his sleep. 81. Joseph, from his youth, has the gift of divination. This mania having ended by irritating nine of his brothers, these took a dislike to Joseph. Now, one morning, Jacob having sent him to rejoin his brothers, who were pasturing their flocks in the country of Dothan, nine of his brothers, seeing him coming, conspired to kill him. Reuben opposed the murder; but Joseph, having been stripped of his fine robe, was let down into an old dried-up well. 82. Joseph put into a well by his brothers. Meanwhile, some merchants passed by; the sacred author qualifies them now as Ishmaelites and now as Midianites, which is not the same thing; but let us pass on. Then Judah, seized with remorse at the thought that the young man ran a great risk of dying of hunger at the bottom of the well, proposed to his brothers a little commercial operation of which Joseph should be the merchandise; it was at one stroke to do a piece of business and a piece of philanthropy. 83. Ishmaelite merchants propose to buy Joseph. Done! The Ishmaelites or Midianites bought the youth for twenty pieces of silver; which really was not dear. Joseph was drawn out of his well, and the merchants took delivery of him to carry him away with them into distant countries. 84. Joseph drawn out of the well and sold. Now, Reuben and Benjamin were the only ones who had not participated in this traffic; Benjamin, who was still very young, remained at home. As for Reuben, he had gone away from his brothers, — the sacred author does not say why, — after the lowering of Joseph into the well, and he had happened to be absent at the time of the negotiation with the nomad merchants; according to the Bible, Reuben had even had the secret intention of coming to draw Joseph out of the well and to bring him back to their father. He was therefore greatly grieved to find the well empty; he ran to his brothers and said to them: « The child is no longer in the pit, and I, I, where shall I go?... » The others, cunning and hypocritical as old sacristans, dyed with the blood of a goat the fine variegated robe of the unfortunate lad, and they sent it to Jacob, with this message: « Behold what we have found; this appeareth to us to be the robe of Joseph; recognise whether it be indeed the same. » Jacob cried out: « Alas! it is truly the robe of my cherished son! he must have been met by a wild beast! he hath been devoured! this is all that remaineth of him! » 85. Jacob is made to believe that Joseph is dead. And he was in a great despair. First, he tore all his garments; next, he clothed himself in a hair shirt and wept for Joseph during several days. And he said, in the midst of his tears: « I shall go down into the pit with my son! » (Genesis 37:33-35) 86. Jacob in despair tears his garments. On the other hand, the merchants had conducted Joseph into Egypt, and there they sold him again to a high personage of the court; the sacred author names him and enumerates his titles and qualities: it was the sire « Potiphar, eunuch of king Pharaoh, provost of the household ». In one of the following chapters, the priceless Genesis will inform us that Potiphar, although a eunuch, was married. 87. Joseph bought as a slave by Potiphar. But let us not anticipate. While Joseph is a slave with Potiphar, a new series of edifying episodes unfolds in the family of Judah, the fourth son of Jacob. « In that time, Judah went to an Adullamite named Hirah. — There, he made acquaintance with the daughter of one named Shuah, a Canaanite; he took her and lay with her. » (Genesis 38:1-2) It will be remarked that Papa Good God may well forbid his patriarchs to take idolatresses for wives, and, in particular, Canaanite women, an accursed race, the patriarchs take hardly any account of these prohibitions and are none the less cherished of Jehovah. Later, the Christians, adopting the follies and the turpitudes of the Jewish Bible, will make, for the genealogy of their Jesus, the most astounding choices; they will give him for ancestresses precisely the idolatresses, the adulteresses and the prostitutes. « Now, the wife of Judah conceived, and she bore him a son who was named Er. — She conceived again, and her second son was named Onan. — And she bore a third son, who received the name of Shelah. — Later, Judah caused Er his first-born to marry a girl named Tamar. — But Er was wicked before the Eternal, and God slew him. » (Genesis 38:3-7) The sagacity of the theologians has exercised itself upon the subject of the crime of Er, the Bible saying no more about it; in view of the sequel of the little story, and considering that God had decided to make his Messiah descend from Judah, the Catholic commentators have concluded that this crime consisted in using his wife only after the fashion of the Sodomites. God made Er die, they say, because he acted thus in order not to have children; and the proof is that the sacred text here employs the expression « wicked before the Eternal », which is exactly the one which Jehovah made use of above, when he complained of the morals of the gentlemen husbands of Sodom. Be that as it may, one is going to see that Tamar had no luck with her husbands. « Then, Judah said unto Onan: Go in unto the widow of thy brother, and let her be thy wife; thus thou shalt raise up the seed of thy brother. » (Genesis 38:8) It is textual, you know! And this means that, according to the Jewish custom, the children born in these conditions would be the heirs of the deceased, and not of their real father. « But Onan, knowing that the children he should make would not be considered as his own, spilled his seed upon the ground every time that he approached his wife, in order not to give children to his brother. » (Genesis 38:9) Absolutely textual, that too! The name of onanism comes from this edifying biblical episode. « And this conduct displeased the Eternal, and God killed Onan also. » (Genesis 38:10) « Wherefore Judah said unto Tamar his daughter-in-law: Go thy way; remain a widow in the house of thy father, until Shelah, my last son, be of age to become thy husband. She went away therefore and dwelt with her father. — Several days after, the daughter of Shuah, whom Judah had married, died. Then Judah consoled himself, and he went up to Timnath, to see his sheep shorn, in company with Hirah his intimate friend. — Now, some one informed Tamar of what was passing, that is to say that Judah was coming into the country. — Then Tamar, who knew that Shelah was become grown and saw with grief that he had not been given her for husband, quitted her widow’s things, clothed herself with a veil wherein she wrapped herself, and she came and sat down at a cross-way, at the corner of the road which led to Timnath. — And when Judah perceived her, he took her for a prostitute, because of her posture and of her veil. — He came unto her upon the road and said unto her: Wilt thou indeed that I lie with thee? for he suspected not that it was his daughter-in-law. And she answered him: What wilt thou give me to lie with me? — Judah said: I will send thee to-morrow a kid of my flock. She replied: I will do then what thou wilt; but first, I must have a pledge to assure me that thou wilt send me the kid which thou promisest me. — What pledge requirest thou? demanded Judah. And Tamar answered: Thy ring, thy handkerchief and that staff which thou hast in thy hand. Judah gave them to her, and then he went in unto her, by the side of the road, and thus she was with child by his deed. — After which, she rose and went away; then, having quitted her veil, she resumed her widow’s garments. — Meanwhile, Judah sent the promised kid, having delivered it to his friend Hirah, that he might get back the pledges given to this woman; but Hirah found her no more. — And he questioned the people of the locality where she had stood to attract Judah, and he said to all: Where then is that prostitute who stayeth in the cross-way and upon the road? They answered: There hath been no woman of evil life hereabouts. — Hirah returned unto Judah, told him that he had not found this woman, and he reported to him the words of the people of the locality. — And Judah said: So be it, let her keep my pledges; she cannot at least accuse me of not having wished to pay her! Have I not sent her the promised kid? but thou hast not found her. — Now, it came to pass that about three months after, a report was made unto Judah: Tamar, thy daughter-in-law, they came to tell him, hath fallen into lewdness, and behold even that her belly beginneth to swell. Judah answered: Let her be fetched with all speed, and let her be burnt! — As they were leading her to the punishment, she sent unto Judah his ring, his handkerchief and his staff, saying: If I am with child, it is by the deed of the man to whom these things belong; let these objects therefore be recognised. — Then, Judah, having recognised them, cried out: She is more just than I; she hath been got with child by me, because I forgot to give her to Shelah, my third son. And Judah lay no more with her. — Now, when Tamar was on the point of being delivered, it was perceived that she had two twins in her belly. — And, at the moment of the delivery, one of the twins put his hand out, and the midwife took it and bound it with a scarlet ribbon, believing that he was going to come forth first. — But immediately this child drew back his hand and pushed his brother, and the latter came forth. And Tamar said unto him: What an enormous breach thou hast made in me, my son! Let the breach be upon thee! Wherefore he was named Pharez. — Next came forth the child who had upon his hand a scarlet ribbon, and he was named Zarah. » (Genesis 38:11-30) I shall not be accused of being one of those who affect to summarize a work and who, under this pretext, travesty it. On the contrary, there will perhaps be readers who will think that it would be better to relate each episode in the most succinct fashion and to develop the criticism. But, given the nature of the work which is the object of this analysis, I consider that the summary has its reason for being solely when it is a question of episodes whose details matter little; on the other hand, when Holy Scripture contains passages in the style of this adventure of Tamar, it becomes necessary to cite at full length. It is the divine spirit that dictated that! one cannot therefore bring too much to light the pearls of this sacred text. This is indeed the case where the critic must not expose his readers to being told by a curé that they have been deceived and that the Bible has been calumniated. All the filth of the story of Tamar therefore really forms part of the book of faith; it figures there crudely, and the Church declares it authentic, in spite of its improbability. For it is a very singular thing that Tamar, having had so little luck with her two first husbands, should wish to give herself to their father, because he has forgotten to give her his third son, whom he had promised! « She takes a veil to disguise herself as a girl of pleasure, Voltaire has remarked; but, on the contrary, the veil was and always was the garment of honest women. It is true that, in great cities, where debauchery is well known, girls of pleasure go and wait for passers-by in little streets, as at London, at Paris, at Venice, at Rome; but it is not likely that the meeting-place of girls of pleasure, in the miserable country of Canaan, was in the country, at the crossroads. It is very strange, moreover, that a patriarch should make love in broad daylight with a girl of pleasure on the highway, and expose himself to being taken in the act by all the passers-by. The height of impossibility is that Judah, a stranger in Canaan, and having not the least possession, should order his daughter-in-law to be burned, as soon as he knows that she is with child, and that on the spot a pyre should be prepared, as if he were the judge and the master of the country. This story has some relation with that of Thyestes who, meeting his daughter Pelopia, lay with her without knowing her. The critics say that the Jews wrote very late, and that they copied many Greek stories which were current throughout Asia Minor. Josephus and Philo, Jewish historians, avow that the Jewish books were known to nobody, and that the Greek books were known to everybody. » After the story of Tamar, Genesis returns to Joseph, and we have here an episode whose resemblance to the story of Theseus, Phaedra and Hippolytus is of the most striking. The sacred author informs us that Potiphar, that wealthy eunuch who had bought Joseph, was married, and that, although not adoring the god of Joseph, he was not slow to recognize that this god made all the affairs of his slave prosper. « Potiphar saw that the Eternal was with Joseph and that the Eternal made all things prosper between his hands. » (Genesis 39:3) This observation in no way impelled our eunuch to convert himself to the Jewish religion; « but he committed all that was his into the hands of Joseph, so well that he no longer informed himself of anything, save of the ragouts which were served at the table. Now, Joseph had a well-formed figure and was altogether beautiful to look upon. — It came to pass therefore that the wife of Potiphar remarked the charms of Joseph, and she said unto him one day: Lie with me. — But he refused and answered the wife of his master: Behold, my master hath confided to me all that belongeth to him and he occupieth himself no more with what passeth in his house. — No one is above me in his house, and he hath forbidden me nothing but thee, because thou art his wife. How then should I do this evil and sin against God? — And although she spake of it every day to Joseph, he would not hearken to her; refusing to lie with her, he avoided even to find himself in her company. — But it came to pass that one day he came to the house, at a moment when all the domestics were absent. — Then, she took him by his mantle and said unto him again: Come, lie with me. But he, he disengaged himself, and, leaving her his mantle in her hands, he fled out of the dwelling. » (verses 6 to 12) 88. Fine virtue of Joseph. On Potiphar’s return, his wife related things to him quite the wrong way round. « This Hebrew slave whom thou hast brought hither hath attempted to dishonour me; but I cried out, and he fled; here, behold his mantle, which he hath left in the chamber. » (Genesis 39:17-18) 89. Joseph accused of an outrage upon the modesty of madame Potiphar. Potiphar, on learning of the alleged outrage, was so furious that he would hear no explanation from Joseph and had him at once thrown into a narrow dungeon of the great prison where the king had his prisoners shut up. Now, the chief warder took a liking to the handsome Hebrew slave; soon he softened his misfortune by charging him with the direction of all the other prisoners, so that, in the prison, nothing was done without the orders of Joseph. 90. Joseph in prison. Later, at a time which the sacred author does not specify, the king’s baker and cup-bearer fell into disgrace and became the companions in captivity of the son of Jacob; according to the Bible, these personages were two more eunuchs. One morning, Joseph, finding their faces sad, asked them the reason for it. They answered: « We have each of us dreamed a dream this night, and we are much vexed at having no one to explain them to us. Joseph replied to them that, thanks to his god, he was in a position to interpret what they had dreamed. — In my dream, said then the cup-bearer, I saw a vine which had three branches, which produced buds, flowers and ripe grapes; I held in my hand the cup of the king; I pressed the grapes into the cup, and I gave the king to drink. — This meaneth, said Joseph, that in three days thou shalt be free and that thou shalt resume thy functions with Pharaoh; I pray thee therefore to remember me then and to make known my misfortunes to the king, that I may at last go forth from this prison. The baker narrated in his turn his dream: he had seen himself with three baskets of meal upon his head, and birds had come and eaten all that meal. — That signifieth, said Joseph, that in three days thou shalt go forth from prison, thou also; but, instead of liberty, it is a gallows that the king shall give thee; thou shalt be hanged, and the birds shall eat thee. The third day being the anniversary of the birth of Pharaoh, there was therefore a great feast at the court. » (Genesis 40:8-19). 91. Joseph explains the dreams of the prisoners. The predictions of Joseph were realized to the letter; but, unluckily for him, the lucky cup-bearer completely forgot him. Two years passed. The king of Egypt also had a dream which intrigued him in a violent manner. He thought he was on the bank of a river, whence came out seven fat and fine cows, then seven lean and ugly cows; and the lean cows devoured the fat cows. Having awakened, he went to sleep again, and saw seven very fine ears upon one and the same stalk, and seven other withered ears which ate the others. 92. Dream of Pharaoh. Pharaoh asked himself what was the mysterious sense of this double dream; he consulted all the diviners and sages of his kingdom; the general answer was that the royal dream was as incomprehensible as it was extraordinary. The cup-bearer then remembered his former companion in prison; he spoke of him favourably to the monarch, who had him brought before him. The son of Jacob had aged during his long captivity; the Bible tells us that he was presented to the king, after he had been shaved and clothed. Joseph, being questioned, answered: — The double dream of Pharaoh has but one and the same sense. The seven fat cows and the seven fine ears signify seven years of abundance; the seven lean cows and the seven withered ears signify seven years of sterility. The king must therefore choose a wise and able man, who shall govern the whole kingdom of Egypt and who shall establish overseers, charged with keeping each year the fifth part of the fruits. The counsel pleased Pharaoh and his ministers. 93. Joseph predicts the future to Pharaoh. And the king said to them: — Where could we find a man as filled as this Jew with the spirit of God? After which, turning towards Joseph, he said to him: — Since God has shown thee all that thou hast told me, where could I find anyone wiser than thou? Thereupon, he gave him his ring, clothed him in a robe of fine linen, put about his neck a magnificent collar of gold, and made him mount upon a chariot; and a herald, preceding Joseph, cried to the people: — Let everyone bend the knee before the governor of Egypt! That is not all. On the king’s advice, Joseph changed his name, and he was thenceforward called Zaphnath-Paaneah. Then, Pharaoh married him, and you would never guess, dear readers, whom His Majesty gave him for a wife. — Genesis had already procured us an astonishment, when we read there all at once that the eunuch Potiphar was married; well, the divine pigeon was keeping a fresh surprise in reserve for us. During the long captivity of Joseph, this eunuch provided with a very inflammable wife had changed functions: at chapters 37 and 39, we saw him provost of the king’s household; at chapter 41, we find him again a priest of Heliopolis. Now, during this time, Madame Potiphar became a mother; which gives one to believe that the gods of the Egyptians also worked miracles. With the holy books of any mythology whatever, one must admit everything: now, one observes that at chapter 41 Potiphar is no longer qualified as a eunuch by the super-stunning Genesis; a prayer to the St. Anthony of that epoch (‘the St. Anthony of that epoch’ — St Anthony of Padua is the saint invoked in France for recovering lost objects) had therefore made him find again what he had lost. And that, without any doubt, is how Potiphar, having become priest of Heliopolis, the holy city of Egypt, was papa of a delicious little girl, named Asenath, who grew in age and in beauty and found herself there just at the right moment to be Madame Zaphnath-Paaneah, when Joseph was named prime minister. And one cannot too much admire the spirit of justice of Pharaoh: the virtuous Joseph had suffered harshly in consequence of the stupidity of Potiphar and the roguery of his ardent wife; no other reparation would have been so equitable. Moral: Potiphar, not having been cuckolded by Joseph, certainly owed it to him to take him for a son-in-law; that is clear! This part of the history of Joseph permits one to put forward a reflection coming in support of an observation which was made at the beginning of this work. The Jews, we remarked, say « the gods » apropos of the creation and in numerous circumstances, and yet they adore only a single god, Jehovah, a supreme divinity, whom they do not divide into three persons, like the Christians; they therefore recognized formerly the existence of other gods than their own. In fact, according to them, the other peoples had also their own proper gods, and they believed in the supernatural power of those gods, without in any way seeing devils in them; only, their national self-esteem made them admit that Jehovah, divinity of the Jews, was more powerful than all the other gods. That is why we see Genesis here bring out the greater power of the god of Joseph. Potiphar, the cup-bearer, Pharaoh and his ministers, in a word, all the Egyptians who are brought upon the scene have another religion than that of the son of Jacob; but they do not abandon their gods because Joseph, inspired by Jehovah, is more clear-sighted than the priests of their worship. Each keeps his belief, seeing that in the mind of each the faith of the one is not in contradiction with the faith of the others. Joseph remains faithful to Jehovah, even in marrying the daughter of a priest of Apis, the ox-god, and he will get on well with Asenath, without the latter having to embrace the Jewish religion. From this point of view, this episode of the Bible is therefore very significant. Joseph does not profit by the almost sovereign authority which he acquires, to make proselytes in favour of his personal religion; it suffices him to know that his Jehovah possesses a supernatural power stronger and more extended than that of the divinities of those he administers. Now, if one compares the Hebrew Bible with the Musulman Koran, one observes that the Arabs and the Jews had a common fund of legends, from which the sacred authors of the two religions have drawn. Before Genesis was written, people used to relate in those regions the marvellous history of Joseph; but it has varied in its details, across the generations and in repeating itself among the various peoples issued from Arabia. Thus, according to the Koran, Potiphar was not a eunuch, and Asenath was already living, was a child in the cradle, when her mother accused Joseph of having wished to violate her. This little girl showed herself very judicious from her earliest years. One day, her father was speaking of the incident, with which he remained long preoccupied; he had even kept the famous cloak which his wife had torn from Joseph and which had been somewhat torn in the struggle. One of the servants advised Potiphar to ask little Asenath what she thought of all that; the little girl, who was scarcely beginning to speak, said: « Listen, my father; if my mother tore Joseph’s cloak in front, it is a proof that Joseph wished to take her by force; but if the cloak is found torn behind, it is a proof that my mother was running after Joseph. » (Midrash Abkir) In any case, one sees, Asenath was predestined to become Madame Joseph. The Bible and the Koran are in agreement in informing us that Asenath was a model wife. In the course of the seven years of abundance, she had by Joseph two sons: the first received the name of Manasseh, and the second that of Ephraim. Then supervened the seven years of dearth; but the Egyptians had not to suffer from them, thanks to the clear-sightedness of Joseph, who had had national granaries established, filled with wheat which kept very well. There was even some to spare, and from every country people came into Egypt to buy provisions; for the famine was then desolating the whole earth (ch. 41). Now, the sons of Jacob, with the exception of Benjamin, betook themselves to Egypt, on the counsel of their father, to buy wheat. It appears that Joseph presided in person over these distributions of victuals to the caravans which arrived from all points of the earth; how could the prime minister himself suffice for such a task? the Bible does not say. The fact remains that Joseph was not recognized by his brothers, but that he recognized them very well. He treated them with much harshness, without naming himself to them, and without any Egyptian, during their stay in the country, having thought of telling them that the governor and benefactor of Egypt, the statesman so immensely popular, was precisely one of their compatriots. 94. Joseph, prime minister, prevents a famine. Joseph, keeping his incognito, accused his ten brothers of being spies. These protested, as one may think. — We were twelve brothers, they said; one of us is dead, and the eleventh, who is quite young, has remained with our father. — Come now! replied Joseph, you have come here as spies, to reconnoitre the weak places by which your people might seize the country. One does not clearly see how the Hebrew people, which was then composed of the family of Jacob, in all, — since Esau, excluded from the special blessing, had become the chief of the Idumeans, — could have seized Egypt, that vast powerful and well-peopled kingdom, which supplied, with its reserves of wheat, the food of the nations of the whole world. But let us see the sequel of Joseph’s discourse. — In order to know whether you speak truly, he continued, I am going to have you put in prison, and you shall remain there, with the exception of one single one of you who shall go and fetch the little brother of whom you speak. He stuffed them into the lock-up, but all ten of them. At the end of three days, he had them brought to him again. — I have reflected and changed my mind, he said to them. It is one single one of you who shall remain here as a hostage. Go away then, the rest of you, into your country, and carry off the wheat you have bought; but do not fail to come back as soon as possible bringing your little brother; if not, the one I keep will die in prison. It was Simeon whom he chose as hostage. He had him put in chains before the nine others, and he dismissed them. On the other hand, he had ordered his people to put back the money for the payment of the wheat into the sacks which they were carrying away. On the road, one of Joseph’s brothers, having opened a sack to give his ass something to eat, was quite surprised to find his money there again; the others could not get over it either, and from astonishment they passed to fright. Returning very quickly into Canaan, they related to Jacob all that had happened to them. Jacob refused at first to part with young Benjamin. But, when the wheat of Egypt was exhausted, he decided upon it at the instances of Judah. — If it is necessary, said he, that I should send this child, do what you will. Take the best fruits of this country here, a little resin, some honey, some storax, some turpentine and some mint. Carry with you also double the money which you handed over at the time of your first journey; for the sums which you found again in your sacks must have been there in consequence of some error. Here they are then in Egypt again. When Joseph saw that Benjamin was with them, he received them with a marked favour, released Simeon and gave them a splendid feast. They wished to give back the money for the first purchases of wheat; Joseph refused, saying that he had had his due; it was God, he insinuated, who had put that treasure in their sacks. 95. Joseph gives his brothers a good welcome, on account of Benjamin Nevertheless, Joseph, while having a good and generous soul, possessed a character inclined to humbuggery. While his brothers were dining and drinking toasts to the magnanimous minister of Pharaoh, he went out for a moment from the banqueting hall, and he ordered his steward to hide his fine silver cup in the baggage of Benjamin. After which, he let them depart. 96. The cup hidden in Benjamin’s trunk. But, when the caravan had gone sufficiently far, he sent the gendarmerie in pursuit of it, accompanied by his steward. The latter, who knew his lesson well, calls out to the eleven Jewish travellers and reproaches them with having rendered evil for good. — You have stolen, he says to them, the governor’s most precious cup, « that in which he infallibly readeth the future ». (Genesis 44:5) This, in passing, informs us that Joseph is the inventor of divination by coffee grounds. The sons of Jacob protest and urge that they are incapable of having stolen a silver cup, they who brought back from Canaan sums which they had found in their sacks. They ask to remain slaves in Egypt if the claimed cup is discovered in the baggage of one of them, and even that he who should have the cup be put to death. The general search is carried out and one may judge of the consternation of our Hebrews when, the sack of little Benjamin having been opened, the gendarmerie perceives there the object sought for. There was no jibbing at it; the offence was flagrant. 97. Benjamin and his brothers arrested for theft. Led back to the palace, Joseph’s brothers were in despair. Fortunately for them, he judged that the mystification had lasted long enough. He made himself known. They wept for joy. Joseph declared that he pardoned everything. Then there was an unheard-of gladness, and one has no need to put one’s brain to the torture to picture the festivity which was given in honour of this happy conclusion. 98. Joseph makes himself known to his brothers. One detail is rather amusing in all this: it is that, in Genesis, Benjamin is always treated as a little boy; he appears not to have grown in age, to have remained a child. However, if one refers to the story of his birth which cost Rachel her life, it is easy to calculate that Benjamin was at the very most four or five years younger than Joseph. Now, the latter was seventeen when he was sold by his brothers; the episode of Tamar, marrying successively two sons of Judah, allows one to suppose a minimum period of twenty-five years; Joseph was therefore approaching fifty at the epoch when his brothers came to find him in Egypt. Little Benjamin was no longer a young child then! But chronology does not appear to be the strong point of the Bible, and, principally, of Genesis. We are approaching, moreover, the end of this first book of Holy Scripture, and we abridge. All that precedes is the summary of chapters 42 to 45. We see there further that Pharaoh was very happy to learn that his prime minister had his brothers with him. Joseph had begged them to go and fetch Jacob and all the family as quickly as possible, proposing to establish them in the country of Goshen, at least for the five years of famine which there still were to undergo. The king approved this project. « Pharaoh said unto Joseph: Let thy brothers load their beasts and let them return into Canaan. — Tell them to bring your father and their families; and let them come back hither. And I will give them all the goods of Egypt, and they shall eat the best marrow of the land. — Now, thou hast the power to command. Let them take waggons of my kingdom to bring back their wives and their children. — Let them not regret their furniture; for all the riches of Egypt shall be theirs. » (Genesis 45:17-20) That old father Jacob was in jubilation at the news of the existence and the glory of Joseph, there is no need to say! He fell into a swoon at it; and, when he came to his senses, he cried out: « It is enough; my son Joseph liveth still; I will go, and I will see him before I die! » One cannot help finding very extraordinary this Pharaoh promising to give to strangers all the goods of Egypt; at least, he will not be accused of ingratitude towards Joseph! Old father Jacob therefore came to the kingdom where his well-beloved son was governor. Joseph, mounted upon his finest chariot, went to meet Israel, and they embraced each other weeping. This story is so touching that one cannot oneself hold back one’s tears when one reads it, is it not so? 99. Arrival of Jacob in Egypt. And this calculation: « All those who came into Egypt with Jacob, come forth from his thigh, were to the number of sixty-six, without counting the wives of his children! » (Genesis 46:26) To be noted also, this: « Joseph said unto his brethren and unto the family of his father: When Pharaoh shall have you called before him and shall ask you what is your trade, ye shall answer him: — We are shepherds, and, like our fathers, we have been nourished in this profession since our childhood: and ye shall say that in order that ye may dwell in the land of Goshen; for the Egyptians hold in execration all breeders of cattle. » (Genesis 46:33-34) As for the king, he said to Joseph: « Thy father and thy brothers are come unto thee; — all Egypt is at thy disposal; make them dwell in the best place of the country, in the land of Goshen; and if among them there be any expert and robust, give them the stewardship of my flocks. » (Genesis 47:5-6) Pharaoh therefore has flocks, and we are immediately going to see that all his people have them too; then how could the Egyptians detest the breeders of cattle? Jacob, having been presented to Pharaoh, blessed the king; the old fellow was then a hundred and thirty years old (Genesis 47:7-9). Joseph therefore gave his father and his brothers the possession of the best place, called Rameses, and he furnished them all with victuals; for bread was lacking in the whole world, and the famine was desolating above all Egypt and Canaan (Genesis 47:11-13). Do you wish to know the fashion in which Joseph administered the kingdom? Savour it. « Joseph, having collected all the money of the country in selling the corn laid up in reserve, accumulated this money in the treasury of the king. — Money therefore came to fail the people. Then, the Egyptians came to Joseph: Give us bread, said they unto him; must we die of hunger, because we have no more money? — Joseph answered: Bring me all your cattle, and I will give you corn in exchange. — The Egyptians therefore brought all their cattle, and Joseph gave them bread for the price of their horses, for their flocks of sheep, for their oxen and for their asses. » (Genesis 47:14-17) We are at the third year of sterility, be it kindly remarked; the drought is such that wheat has not grown for three years. If the earth refuses to produce wheat, it certainly could not produce grass any better; then, on what did all these cattle feed? But, if there was however some means of keeping the flocks of the Egyptians alive without pastures, what a queer idea these have of getting rid of them in order to have Joseph’s flour! They would have done much better to eat their cattle. Moreover, in selling their flocks, they no longer had the means ever to plough the earth. On the other hand, here is a minister who, in any case, puts his king’s subjects in the impossibility of sowing wheat. What is still more surprising is that the sacred author does not say a word of the periodical inundation of the Nile, and the critics Herbert, Bolingbroke, Fréret, Boulanger, and above all Voltaire, have judged that this inexplicable omission sufficed to demonstrate the fanciful character of the history of Joseph and of the seven years of drought; all that is qualified as pure romance: « It is not possible, say these critics, that the Nile should not have overflowed for seven years in succession. This whole country would have changed its face for ever. It would have been necessary that the cataracts of the Nile should have been stopped up, and then the whole of Ethiopia would have been nothing but a vast marsh. Or, if the rains which fall regularly every year in the torrid zone had ceased for seven years, the interior of Africa would have become uninhabitable. » It is evident that such a public calamity would have taken the proportions of those cataclysms which convulsed our planet in the first times of humanity, and that some traces of it would have remained in the history of the Egyptians, a people anterior to the Jewish nation. « That year being ended, the Egyptians returned unto Joseph the following year, and they said unto him: We will not hide from my lord that, having neither money nor cattle any more, there remaineth to us nothing but our bodies and the land. — Must we then die of hunger before thine eyes? Take our persons and our lands, buy us for bread; we shall be slaves of Pharaoh, and our lands shall be his. But give us also seed-corn, that we may live; for, if the husbandman die, the land shall be reduced to a desolate solitude. — Joseph therefore bought for Pharaoh all the lands of Egypt; for the inhabitants sold each one his field, because of the famine which had increased. — And he made the people to pass into the cities, from one extremity of the kingdom to the other. — There were none but the lands of the priests which were not bought; for the priests held their fields of the royal bounty, and they nourished themselves thanks to a share of the corn laid up in reserve which Pharaoh caused to be given them; wherefore the priests were not obliged to sell their lands. — Then, Joseph said unto the people: I have bought you to-day, you and your lands, and ye belong henceforth to Pharaoh. Now, here is seed-corn, that ye may prepare the future harvests. — But the fifth part of every harvest shall belong to the king, and I accord you the four others, to allow you to eat, you and your children, and to sow again. — And they answered: Thou hast saved our life; deign, my lord, to look upon us always with kindness, and we shall be without regret the slaves of Pharaoh. » (Genesis 47:18-25) This fashion of administering a kingdom, far from earning Joseph the title of benefactor which the Bible gives him, makes of him, quite on the contrary, a ridiculous and extravagant tyrant. If this story were true, if the peoples had believed in the beneficence of the governor of Egypt in the first times of the dearth, their imbecility would no longer have any excuse when the exploitation of which they were the victims came to this point. What! say the critics cited just now, this good minister Joseph renders a whole nation slave! he sells to the king all the persons and all the lands of the kingdom! It is an action as infamous and as punishable as that of his brothers, who cut the throats of all the Shechemites. There is no example, in the history of the world, of such conduct in a minister of State. A minister who acted thus, in any country whatever, would soon provoke a general rising and would not escape the just anger of the populations. Fortunately so atrocious a story is only a stupid tale. There is too much absurdity in seizing all the cattle, when for a long time the earth produced no grass to feed them. And, if it had produced grass, it could have produced wheat too, there is no getting away from it; for, of two things one: the soil of Egypt being essentially sandy, the regular inundations of the Nile alone can make vegetation grow; or else, if one admits the inadmissible cessation of these inundations during seven consecutive years, all the cattle must have perished. Moreover, one was then only at the fourth year of the alleged sterility: what would have been the use of giving the people seed corn to produce nothing for three more years? These seven years of sterility are therefore one of the most incredible fables that the imagination of the divine pigeon has invented in Genesis. One will have remarked also what consideration the sacred author of the Jews has for the Egyptian priests: they are the only ones whom Joseph spares; their lands are free when the nation has fallen into slavery, and they are still fed at the expense of that unhappy nation. Now, the Bible contains the religious teaching which the so-called representatives of God have given themselves the mission of causing to penetrate into the brains of the people. By this episode, the ministers of Jehovah therefore inculcate the idea of respect towards the person of any priests whatever, even of other religions. Priests do not eat one another. The pigeon-duck next informs us that Jacob dwelt seventeen years in Egypt, where he died, and that consequently he lived in all a hundred and forty-seven years (Genesis 47:28). Two entire chapters, 48 and 49, are devoted to the blessings which the patriarch distributed upon his deathbed. He blesses his twelve sons, gathered at his bedside; and, as he perceives in the room two men whom he does not know, he asks: « Who are these then? » And Joseph answers him: « These are my two sons Ephraim and Manasseh, born in this land of Egypt before thou camest thither, my father. » Then Jacob says: « Well then, make them approach, I pray thee, that I may bless them. » In the seventeen years that the patriarch had been living in the kingdom, Joseph had not yet thought of presenting his family to him! The blessings given by Jacob to his children were not without some reproaches. Thus, Reuben, who had cuckolded his father, lost his birthright that day. « Reuben, said the patriarch, thou art my first-born, my strength and the beginning of my vigour; thou art great in dignity and great in muscular force. But thou hast overflowed like water, and thou shalt not have the pre-eminence; for thou wentest up upon one of the wives of thy father and thou hast shed thy seed in my bed. » (Genesis 49:3-4) That day again, old father Jacob gave clearly to understand that he had been a partisan of the marriage of his little Dinah with prince Shechem and that within himself he had disapproved of the great massacre accomplished by Simeon and Levi; for he did not transfer to them the birthright taken from Reuben and he even stigmatized their violences with severity. « Simeon and Levi, said he, are brothers, and brothers in their violences; let my soul not enter into their secret council! let my glory not be joined to their assembly! for they have killed people in anger, and they have carried off herds of oxen for their pleasure. Cursed be their anger, for it hath been violent; and their fury, for it hath been harsh! I will divide them in Jacob, and I will scatter them in Israel. » (Genesis 49:5-7) The theologians qualify as prophetic all the words pronounced by Jacob upon his deathbed: however, the sequel of the history will show us that the so-called descendants of Levi were not the worst off; for it is to them that the priesthood was given in Israel, with all its benefits and privileges. In good logic, the preferred one ought to have been Joseph, whom Jacob had had as the first-born of his cherished Rachel, Joseph who had been the glory of his old age, who had given him so much joy, and who had enriched the whole family. Not at all, the preferred one was Judah; Judah, who had been the instigator of the sale of Joseph to the Midianite merchants, Judah the incestuous took precedence of the virtuous Joseph. It is upon him that old father Jacob conferred the patriarchate which was the divine part of his heritage. « Judah, as for thee, pronounced Jacob, thy brothers shall exalt thee; thy hand shall weigh heavy upon the neck of thine enemies, and all the sons of thy father shall prostrate themselves before thee. Judah, thou art a young lion. O my son, thou art returned, after having torn thy prey; thou hast lain down, like a lion still full of strength, even when he is old. The sceptre shall not be taken away from Judah, nor the legislature, until the Shiloh come; and it is to him that it belongeth to govern the assembly of the peoples. He bindeth to the vine his ass-colt, and the foal of his she-ass to a right good vine-stock. He shall wash his tunic in wine, and his mantle in the blood of grapes. His eyes are ruddy with wine and his teeth white with milk. » (Genesis 49:8-12) The others had fairly commonplace blessings. As for Joseph, if he was not the successor of Jacob in the title of patriarch, he had at least some good words: « The strong God of thy father shall help thee, and the Almighty shall fill thee from above with the blessings of heaven and from below with the blessings of the abyss, and thou shalt have also the blessings of the breasts and of the womb of woman. » (Genesis 49:25) Jacob finally made his sons promise to transport his coffin out of Egypt and to bury it in the cavern of Machpelah, in the land of Canaan, beside Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebecca and Leah. « And when Jacob had finished giving his orders to his sons, he drew back his feet into the bed, and he expired. » (Genesis 49:33) The polygamous patriarch was given a first-class funeral, embalming included and transport to Canaan. If the fiftieth and last chapter is to be believed, the Egyptians wore mourning for seventy days. 100. Magnificent obsequies of Jacob. Joseph lived until his end in grandeur, maintaining his brothers and their families; he saw about him his grandchildren and his great-grandchildren. He died at the age of a hundred and ten years. And there is Genesis finished. We pass, now, to Exodus. CHAPTER 7 Moses and the journey of forty years Exodus is the book relating the departure from Egypt and the long stroll of the Hebrews in the peninsula of Sinai; it is completed by Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. It is known that this great journey of the Jewish people lasted forty years. If one casts one’s eyes upon a geographical map giving Arabia Petraea and Palestine, one easily realizes what this for ever famous peregrination was. In sum, the Hebrews left Egypt at Baal-Zephon, which is today Suez, — and that is supposedly the place where they crossed the Red Sea; — they skirted the eastern coast of the Heroopolite Sea (gulf of Suez) and went down as far as Rephidim, crossing the massif of Sinai; in that southern region of the peninsula, they pushed east as far as Hazeroth (today Aïn-el-Hadhrah); thence, going up again towards the north as far as the Djebel Halal, they journeyed next further east still, to direct themselves towards the Dead Sea, which they skirted on the right, arriving at last at Jericho. With the help of a modern map, one determines with the greatest ease the exact position of the three extreme points of this itinerary: Baal-Zephon, point of departure, is at 30° of north latitude and at 30° 12' of east longitude; Hazeroth, the extreme south-east point of the journey, is at 28° 45' of north latitude and 32° 10' of east longitude; Jericho, point of arrival, is at 31° 50' of north latitude and 33° 7' of east longitude. Consequently, the gap between these three extreme points is not formidable; besides, everybody can verify. Well! what then does it represent, this legendary journey? what modern itinerary could one compare it with, in order better to bring out the finished absurdity of the biblical account?... The memorable march of the Hebrews in the wake of Moses and Joshua is EXACTLY equivalent to a journey on foot which one would make setting out from Paris to go down to the south-east as far as Dijon and then to go up again to the north-east as far as Liège, in Belgium. Paris, Dijon and Liège give, upon the globe, the same geometrical gap as Baal-Zephon, Hazeroth and Jericho. A legless cripple would not ask three months to cover that distance, and he would rest frequently on the way! The Israelites took forty years over it. Let us bow, and smile before this colossal hoax which the pigeon-duck has once more made the mystified devout swallow. But the believers examine nothing and swallow everything. If they only took the trouble to reflect a little, after having read Exodus, they would find it at least astonishing that the author of this book, who says he was brought up in Egypt and lived there a long time before drawing his compatriots out of it, has not a word on the subject of the monuments, the manners, the laws, the religion, the politics, the history of that country so renowned and then in full civilization; for, however posterior the kingdom of Egypt may be to the vast empire of the Indies and to that of China, the fact remains that the Egyptians contemporary with the alleged Moses occupy the first rank among the civilized nations of our West; at that epoch flourished Thebes and Memphis, of whose existence the author of Exodus seems ignorant, since he does not even speak of these marvellous and opulent cities, since their names appear to be unknown to him. As for the powerful monarchs who then reigned, the sacred author calls them all indifferently Pharaoh, which is a title, and not at all a name; the « pharaoh » is the Egyptian king, as a king of Prussia is a « könig », as a queen of England is a « queen ». The alleged Moses, speaking of different kings of Egypt, attributing to them adventures at times placed several centuries apart and finding to designate the one and the other only the name of Pharaoh, resembles a pseudo-historian who, in fanciful narratives concerning the Russian empire at various epochs, should constantly cite « His Majesty Tsar », to designate the emperors Ivan the Terrible, Peter the Great and Nicholas I, whose names he did not know; this grotesque historian would be a bungler, who would make people laugh at him. Now, how could one take more seriously the author of Genesis and of Exodus? He knows and cites the personal names of minuscule kinglets, when it is a question of kingdoms without history, that is to say absolutely imaginary, such as those of Sodom, of Gomorrah and of Gerar; but, when it is the sovereign of a real, historical, important kingdom that he brings upon the scene, like that of Egypt, then his learning becomes modest to the point of not daring to say whether the pharaoh of whom he speaks is Thutmose, Amenophis or Horus. In sum, he is precise when he believes that no verification of his assertions is possible; he remains in the vague, when the great question for him is not to betray his ignorance by some unfortunate misunderstanding, which might one day risk being too easily demonstrated. The theologians, who have proclaimed that the Pentateuch is the purest expression of truth, did not foresee the discoveries of the Champollions, the Wilkinsons, the Lepsiuses and other learned Egyptologists, when they fixed the dates of the chronology of the world by basing themselves on the Bible. Thus, according to the Vulgate, that is to say according to St. Jerome, the creation of the world would be of the year 4004 before J.C., and the universal deluge would be of the year 3296; and all the Fathers of the Church opined with the cap (‘opined with the cap’ — fr. ‘opiner du bonnet’, to nod agreement without thinking, after the caps once raised to vote). Now, Menes, an Egyptian military chief, who founded the first known dynasty, by removing his country from the supreme domination of the sacerdotal caste, accomplished this revolution 5,400 years before the Christian era, that is 1,400 years before the creation and 2,100 years before the deluge. The theologians also give us the date at which Joseph, being prime minister of a pharaoh, established Jacob and his family in the land of Goshen; it is in 1962 before J.C.: and the Hebrews dwelt four hundred and thirty years in Egypt; their departure is placed in the year 1533, still according to the theologians and the Bible. But, today, one possesses, one has brought to light and deciphered the historical monuments of Egypt; one has read that history written upon the stone of the temples and the obelisks, and the history of that period is found there, establishing the reigns and the great deeds of the Pharaohs, notably the pylon of the temple of Karnak, discovered at Thebes, which enumerates the 115 cities subdued by the pharaoh Thutmose III, after his victory of Megiddo; one knows, and in detail, the fifteen successive and always fortunate campaigns undertaken in Asia by this prince. Now, this glorious reign, which the science of hieroglyphics has lighted up with so vivid a light, shines in the midst of the centuries when the sons of Jacob were supposedly in Egypt; and nothing, in these monuments, nothing, absolutely nothing relates the famous government of Joseph; not one of these pharaohs thought of inscribing, upon the stone annals of the kingdom, the celebrity of his Richelieu!... Better still, the pharaoh who was reigning at the epoch when, according to the sacred author, the Hebrews left Egypt, and, consequently, the one whom we are presently going to see swallowed up by the waves of the Red Sea, perishing miserably with all his army, this pharaoh, taking the biblical dates adopted by the theologians, can only be Amenophis III. Now, his history is written in full upon the ancient monuments, and it in no way accords with the narration of Exodus. This prince belonged to that valiant race of the pharaohs of the eighteenth dynasty, powerful sovereigns and illustrious conquerors, who gave the Egyptian empire a splendour and an extent which were maintained only by the following dynasty; they made the conquest of Ethiopia, of the whole country of the Arabs, of Mesopotamia, of the land of Canaan, took Nineveh and the isle of Cyprus, had as tributaries the Babylonians, the Phoenicians, the Armenians; in a word, the success of their arms extended very far into western Asia. Thutmose IV, father of Amenophis III, did not lose the fruit of the conquests of the great Thutmose; monuments represent him gloriously reigning in 1550 before J.C., seventeen years before the epoch at which the Bible places the departure of the Hebrews from Egypt. As for Amenophis III, the historical testimonies of his triumphs abound: it is he who founded the temple of Luxor; it is in his honour that there was raised at Thebes the statue so well known under the name of the colossus of Memnon, a statue which represented him and which gave out harmonious sounds when the rays of the rising sun came to strike it; one has the long list of the kings and the peoples who were subject to this pharaoh, dead in full glory upon his throne, and in no way drowned in the Red Sea, but sumptuously interred in one of the pyramids. In the year in which Exodus makes him perish in the waves obedient to the rod of Moses, he was completing the conquest of Abyssinia, and later he was still making great expeditions into Asia; he so little died at that epoch that, while Exodus is walking the Jews about in the peninsula of Sinai, he was having built the magnificent palace of Soleb, in upper Nubia, and the southern part of the great temple of Karnak, at Thebes. He left his immense empire to his son Horus, who chastised a revolt of the Abyssinians and continued the works of his father. There is history; it formally contradicts the Bible. These preliminary considerations were useful. We are going, now, to pass a rapid review of the legend of Moses. So then, in the fourth century after the installation of Jacob and Co. in Goshen, the sixty-six Hebrews had prodigiously multiplied, and the king of that time had completely forgotten the services formerly rendered by Joseph to Egypt. Very cruel even was Pharaoh (we shall continue to call him by the name, which is not one, that the sacred author gives him); he sent for the two Jewish midwives, Mme Shiphrah and Mme Puah, who had the whole practice of their compatriots, and he ordered them, when they attended an Israelite confinement, to strangle the little boys. The two midwives hastened not to obey Pharaoh, and, when the latter asked them why they let the male children live, they answered: « The Jewish women are not like your Egyptian women; they know the art of being delivered and they deliver themselves, before we are come. » (Exodus 1:19) Then Pharaoh promulgated an edict, which decreed that every male child born to an Israelite should be thrown into the river immediately after its birth. 102. Edict ordering the death of the male children. It was, as one may think, a great desolation in the Jewish families. The prescriptions of the edict could be imposed all the more easily in that the unfortunate descendants of Jacob found themselves reduced to a sort of slavery; they were very harshly driven by the Egyptian functionaries, they no longer belonged to themselves so to speak, and they were constrained to execute the most painful labours. (Exodus 1:11-14) 101. Painful labours of the Israelites. Now, behold a mother, who was of the family of Levi, hid her son for three months; she had found him « goodly ». But, not being able to hide him any longer and fearing a denunciation, she took a basket of rushes, which she coated with bitumen and pitch, put the baby in it, and went and placed the cradle at the edge of the river, among the reeds. Next, she told the child’s elder sister to keep watch at some distance. Meanwhile, Pharaoh’s daughter, accompanied by her attendants, came to bathe in the Nile. 103. Moses exposed on the Nile. The sacred author neglects to praise the courage of the princess, and that is a regrettable omission; the Nile being infested with crocodiles, this bath deserves the admiration of the reader. Moreover, the court resided at Memphis, and from Memphis to the land of Goshen, abode of the Jewish families, there are more than fifty leagues. Be that as it may, the princess arrived very opportunely. Nothing being done save by the will of Jehovah, it is therefore by his permission that all the other little Jews had been drowned in the Nile and devoured by the crocodiles, and it is also in virtue of the great divine projects that this baby alone was going to be saved. It is Papa Good God, evidently, who had sent Pharaoh’s daughter to bathe so far away and who had inspired in her contempt for the terrible amphibians. There happened therefore what Providence had arranged: the princess came upon the floating cradle, was moved by the wailings of the child and understood at the first glance that it was a little Jew; upon this, the elder sister presents herself and proposes to go and fetch a nurse; the princess applauds this excellent idea; it is the mother who turns up; Pharaoh’s daughter confides the child to her to suckle, declares that she will pay the months of nursing, and goes away, quite happy at her good action. 104. The cradle of Moses found by the king’s daughter. Later, when the little boy was weaned, the mother brought him back to the princess. The latter, who had become attached to him, gave him the name of Moses, which means « saved from the waters », and pleaded his cause so well with the king that this monarch, cruel though he was, consented to have the little fellow brought up at his court; the Bible even says that Pharaoh adopted him for his son. 105. Childhood of Moses at the court of Pharaoh. Moses grew up, revealing himself a little prodigy from his childhood; he amazed the king, his daughter, the courtiers; a brilliant future was reserved for him. Having become a young man, he used to go and visit his Hebrew compatriots: one fine day, having seen an Egyptian beat a Jew, he killed the Egyptian and buried him in the sand; after which, having reflected upon the consequences of this murder, he fled and hid in the country of Midian. This region was situated to the south-east of the peninsula of Sinai, and it must not be confounded with two other countries of the same name, of which there will be question further on and which were, the one to the north of the Sea of Elath (today gulf of Akabah), the other to the east of the Dead Sea; for, if one confounded all these countries of Midian, one might believe that the Holy Ghost has lost his map and is a perfect driveller in geography. In Midian no. 1, Moses made the acquaintance of an idolatrous priest, named Jethro, papa of seven daughters, one of whom, the fair Zipporah, captivated the heart of the fugitive. Marriage, long honeymoon, and behold Moses the father of a brat who was called Gershom. During this time, Pharaoh was passing into the state of a mummy and had a successor who continued to molest the poor Jews in a servitude harder and harder. Then Jehovah, who, like Moses, was no longer thinking of the misfortune of the Hebrews, remembered the covenant which he had concluded with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (Exodus 2) The priest Jethro was the proprietor of a flock, and he sometimes charged his son-in-law with leading it to pasture. In one of these excursions, Moses went as far as Mount Horeb, which forms part of the Sinaitic massif, without being Sinai itself. All at once, a bush took fire, and Papa Good God appeared in the midst of this fire; what was most curious, it appears, is that the bush was all in flames without being consumed. The Eternal ordered Moses, astounded, to take off his shoes; the other obeyed. God then announced to him that he was giving him a mission, that he would have to go to Pharaoh, to invite him to let the Hebrews depart from Egypt, but that the latter would only decide upon it after having seen a certain number of miracles worked by him, Moses. He would have also to comfort his compatriots. Moses asked the apparition to tell him his name. And God said unto Moses: « My name is Eheïeh. Thou shalt say unto the children of Israel: Eheïeh sendeth me unto you. » (Exodus 3:14) Papa Good God, among other recommendations on the subject of the coming departure from Egypt, made this one: « Every Israelite woman shall borrow of her Egyptian neighbour or of her hostess vessels of silver and of gold, as well as fine garments; your sons and your daughters shall carry them away, and thus ye shall spoil the Egyptians. » (Exodus 3:22) (‘Eheïeh’ — fr. Taxil’s transcription of the Hebrew that English Bibles render ‘I AM’, as in ‘I AM THAT I AM’. He keeps it untranslated because his point is that the god gives a name nobody can construe.) 106. The burning bush. Then, as Moses manifested his fear of being taken at his word no more by the Jews than by Pharaoh, Jehovah-Eheïeh conferred upon him, there and then, the gift of miracles. A staff which the son-in-law of Jethro held in his hand was changed into a serpent and afterwards became a staff again. 107. The staff of Moses is changed into a serpent. « God said unto him again: Put now thy hand into thy bosom. And he obeyed, and he drew forth from his bosom his hand all covered with a leprosy white as snow. Then, at the order of God, he put his hand again into his bosom, and it became again a sound flesh as before. » Jehovah also informed Moses that he was giving him the power to change water into blood and blood into water. Moses had still some hesitation: he explained to God that, being a stammerer, he would make a bad orator for preaching to the people; God grew angry, did not cure him at all of his stammering; but he answered him that, since it was so, he associated with his mission Aaron, his elder brother. Let us remark, in passing, that Aaron was not hiding in Egypt; his mother had therefore saved him, without one knowing how. Following this apparition, Moses took leave of his father-in-law and took away his wife and his children. « Now, it came to pass, on the road, that God met him in a tavern and wished to kill him; but Zipporah took at once a sharp knife, cut off the foreskin of her son, threw it upon the ground, and God was disarmed. » (Exodus 4:24-25) Aaron, forewarned by Jehovah, went to meet Moses, learned from him all the detail of the mission with which they were invested, and they went thenceforward both together to Pharaoh. The king took no account of the warnings which the two brothers gave him; on the contrary, the vexations against the Israelites redoubled (Exodus 5). Moses assured his compatriots that, by the will of God, they would recover their liberty (Exodus 6). Moses was eighty years old and Aaron was eighty-three, when they spoke to Pharaoh to require him to authorize the Israelites to leave Egypt; and as the king refused to hear reason, Aaron threw down his rod before him. That very instant, the rod was transformed into a dragon. The magicians of the court, called in all haste, threw down their rods in their turn, which became so many dragons; but Aaron’s dragon devoured the dragons of the magicians. This miracle left Pharaoh as little disposed as before to give the Hebrews back their liberty. Then Moses struck the Nile with a blow of his wand, and the waters of the river were changed into blood; the Bible adds that the king’s magicians did just as much. The fish died; the Egyptians dug round about the Nile, but without success, in order to have water to drink; the sacred author neglects to say how the Jews procured any (Exodus 7). Aaron and Moses gratified Egypt with yet other plagues. There was an invasion of frogs; and the magicians of the court, piqued in their self-esteem, accomplished the same prodigy; so that one saw nothing but frogs everywhere; it was like a rain, a deluge of frogs. To the frogs succeeded the lice; Egypt was entirely covered with them; then swarmed other insects, which the Bible does not designate more clearly. On the other hand, the sacred author informs us that the magicians could not execute the miracle of the lice. Frogs, lice and unnamed insects disappeared; but the heart of Pharaoh was more hardened than ever, and he did not let the Jewish people depart (Exodus 8). 108. Plagues of Egypt: the rain of frogs. The fifth plague consisted in the sudden death of all the horses, asses, camels, oxen and sheep of the Egyptians. It was not finished. Sixth plague: Moses and Aaron took ashes and came and scattered them before the king; immediately all the Egyptians were filled with ulcers. Seventh plague: hurricanes of hail and fire destroying all the herbs and all the trees of the fields; only the land of Goshen, where the Israelites were, was spared. This time, Pharaoh consented to the departure of the Jews. Moses stretched out his hand; the hurricanes ceased, and... Pharaoh took back his word (Exodus 9). Eighth plague: a great wind, bringing billions of locusts, which gnawed the little greenery which had escaped the hail. Repentance of Pharaoh; a wind which carries off into the Red Sea all the locusts; Pharaoh again goes back upon what he has said and detains the Israelites. Ninth plague: Egypt is covered with darkness so thick that one can touch it with the hand (sic). Pharaoh decides to let Moses and his compatriots depart; but he wishes to keep their sheep and their oxen, which God had preserved from this multiple avalanche of scourges (Exodus 10). To make an end of it, Jehovah sent exterminating angels, with the order to massacre the first-born of the Egyptians. Now, in order to avoid any error, seeing that the programme laid down that the extermination should take place by night, a lamb was eaten in each Jewish family and, upon the door of their houses, the Israelites made a little mark with the blood of the lamb; that was the institution of the Passover (Exodus 12:12-13). From this it results that the angels, who passed at midnight through all the cities of Egypt, had a sword for the massacre and a lantern to examine whether the doors of the dwellings were or were not marked with the blood of the lamb; it is not we, it is the Bible which thus materializes the angels. Ah! how the divine pigeon must have laughed in dictating such absurdities!... 109. The exterminating angels. All the Egyptian first-born were therefore slaughtered, « from the prince eldest son of Pharaoh, who was to succeed him upon the throne, unto the first-born of the slaves and of the prisoners who were in the dungeons. And the king in that night rose; for there was a clamour of desolation in all Egypt. » Pharaoh sent on the spot for Moses and Aaron, and said to them: Depart as quickly as possible, you and the children of Israel. « Then, the Hebrews did that which God had taught them by the voice of Moses: they borrowed all the precious vessels that they could, as well as the finest garments; and the Eternal made the Egyptians easy in lending them all things of price; so that they spoiled the Egyptians. » (Exodus 12:35-36) 110. The Israelites obtain the right to leave Egypt. Exodus informs us here that the Jewish families, of whom the region of Goshen had not ceased to be the place of abode since the coming of Jacob, concentrated at Rameses for the departure. They made their way thence as far as Succoth; they were to the number of six hundred thousand able-bodied men, without counting the women and the children; a considerable crowd of people of all conditions joined them, and they had prodigious numbers of oxen and innumerable flocks (Exodus 12:37-38). Moses had taken with him the bones of Joseph (Exodus 13:19). This allows one to calculate approximately to how many victims the massacre attributed, by the pigeon, to the angels of Jehovah amounted. Since those who set out from Rameses were six hundred thousand « in arms » (Exodus 13:18), that supposes six hundred thousand families. The land of Goshen is the fortieth part of Egypt, from Meroe as far as Pelusium; the rest of the kingdom therefore contained twenty-four millions of families; thus God killed, by the hand of his angels, that appalling number of first-born! From Succoth the Hebrews went to Etham, where they camped. Then they arrived at Baal-Zephon (Suez), and there again they camped, near the sea (Exodus 14:2). One will remark that the place designated by the Bible is not precisely the Red Sea, but the head of the gulf of Suez; if there was water to cross, it was that of the canal of the Pharaohs, which existed then, going from the Nile to the Bitter Lakes. While Moses and his compatriots had set out, Pharaoh, whose mind was decidedly of an extravagant mobility, regretted having deprived himself of those excellent subjects who had earned him so many scourges. « He caused his chariot to be harnessed, the six hundred chariots of his generals, and all the chariots of Egypt, upon which the best captains placed themselves » (Exodus 14:6-7); he put himself at the head of his whole army, and his people even came with him; « the Egyptian cavalry, the chariots of the chiefs and the army overtook the Hebrews at Pi-Hahiroth, near Baal-Zephon » (v. 9). One asks oneself whence came these teams and all this cavalry, since the fifth plague had killed, without a single exception, the horses, asses, camels and oxen of the Egyptians. At the first moment, the Israelites were uneasy; but Moses quickly made them cross the sea dry-shod: with a simple stroke of his wand, he had separated the waves. 111. The Israelites cross the Red Sea. Pharaoh, seeing the prodigy, thought that this road opened across the waters was equally good for him. He engaged upon it with his army; but, not a bit of it! Moses gave a fresh stroke of his wand while the Egyptians were in the very middle of the sea. « Then, the waters came together with impetuosity and covered the chariots, the cavalry and all the army of Pharaoh; and there remained not a single one of them. » (Exodus 14:28) 112. The Egyptian army is swallowed up. Let us note that Pharaoh had not set out in pursuit of the Hebrews to exterminate them, but to surround them and bring them back into servitude in his kingdom. These counting among them six hundred thousand able-bodied and armed men, one may, in view of the old papas, the mammas, the wives, the sisters and the young brothers, evaluate the whole of the emigrants at about three millions of persons. To capture such a population, far more numerous forces were needed. On the other hand, according to the so logical calculation of a moment ago, it is at twenty-four millions that the total of the Egyptian families is approximately reckoned; counting one soldier per family, Pharaoh’s army must have been of twenty-four millions of combatants. It is true that God had already killed the eldest of each family; but the younger sons might be of an age to bear arms; and, besides, this project of pursuit raised a great enthusiasm, since the sacred author tells us that the people came running in a mass to accompany their king. Let us not forget the Egyptians, from whom our fugitives had just filched precious vessels and fine garments; they must not have hesitated, those, to dash after their thieves. But let us reduce the figures by half, if you like: at the minimum, twelve millions of Egyptians were drowned with Pharaoh. It will perhaps be said that, if no Egyptian author ever breathed a word of this disaster as miraculous as it was appalling, nor of the ten plagues which devastated the kingdom, it was from national self-esteem. Let us grant it. But the other nations of the world, eh? how did they have no knowledge of such terrible events? Here nevertheless is a gigantic drowning which at a single stroke released the hundred and fifteen tributary princes of the pharaoh Amenophis. What! not even Herodotus, whom antiquity named « the father of History » and who collected so many facts relative to old Egypt, visited by him thoroughly; Herodotus who narrated the exploits of Sesostris, who spoke of the statue of Amenophis, the colossus of Memnon, would not have known the tragic end of that prince and the engulfment of his army!... This general silence of the historians of those distant times is at least as miraculous as the prodigy itself. The Israelites therefore saw the destruction of their enemies. If one accepts the fact, one may add that the descendants of Jacob laughed so much and so long at the adventure that several of them became hunchbacked from it. In any case, chapter 15 of Exodus informs us that Miriam, sister of Moses and Aaron, took a drum in her hand, and that all the women, seizing drums and flutes, danced for joy with her; this chapter also lets us know that Moses improvised on the spot a canticle (he does not say in what language) and that all Israel sang it with a single voice. Let us not lose sight of the fact that singers and dancers formed a choir of three millions of persons; words and music were learned that very instant. I beg you to picture to yourself this choral society executing that cantata. Sapristi! how fine that must have been!... Here are our Hebrews on the march in Arabia Petraea, so named because hardly anything grows there but stones and pebbles. The aim of the journey was the land of Canaan, always coveted by their ancestors; why not settle there at last, now that they were in numbers?... Besides, Moses had affirmed to them, on the word of the Lord, that this land of Canaan was of an astonishing fertility. The difficulty was to find it; for there was no road, and the compass was not yet invented. Fortunately a celestial cloud placed itself at the head of the Jewish people and showed them the way night and day; by day, it was a column of black smoke; by night, it was a cloud of fire. The sacred text says that Jehovah in person was in this cloud of variable aspect. This fashion of being guided in a desert had its convenience; but it had indeed its disagreeable sides too. In fact, often the Israelites would have been very glad to rest; ah! well, no! the cloud dashed on ahead; what was to be done? must one expose oneself to losing so precious a guide? and there is no way of holding back a column of smoke by the skirts of its frock-coat, is there?... Then, absolute obligation to continue the road. That old joker Jehovah was amusing himself, that is clear. Friend Leo XIII, do not say no! Here, here is the proof of it: to go from Baal-Zephon (Suez) to Jericho, the divine guide had only to go up north towards the Mediterranean, skirting the chain of the Djebel Rabah; then, to bear east, following the valleys of the Djebel Maghara, which lead straight to the Mediterranean coast; it then sufficed to follow it as far as the country of the Philistines, which one skirted, and one arrived very quickly in Canaan by the country of the Hittites, a friendly nation. Not at all; instead of going north, Jehovah conducted our Hebrews towards the southern point of the Sinaitic peninsula; exactly as if, charged with guiding a traveller who had to go from Paris to Belgium, one made him take the road of Lyons-Marseilles!... Thus, you see, holy father Leo, impossible to maintain that Sabaoth-Jehovah-Eheïeh is not a humbug!... 113. March of the Israelites in the desert. As one must be just, we shall recognize that, while thus lengthening the road, Papa Good God stood his people a few sweets. Thus, on setting out from Baal-Zephon, after the cantata, he conducted our Hebrews into the western part of the desert of Shur, where they marched three days without finding a drop of water. At last, in a place which was since named Marah, they were agreeably surprised by the gurgling of an abundant spring. They rush forward to drink; slap! the waters were bitter, but bitter!... General grimace of the three millions of Jews. « Then the people murmured against Moses, saying: What shall we drink? And Moses uttered cries unto the Eternal. And the Lord showed him a shrub, whereof he cut a branch which he cast into the spring; and the waters became sweet. Then, the Hebrews went down as far as Elim, where they found twelve fountains of water and seventy palm trees, under which they camped, sheltering in their shade and drinking of the limpid waters. » (Exodus 15:24-27) To shelter a population in the midst of which were six hundred thousand combatants, those seventy palm trees must have been very widely spaced and have had immensely broad leaves. On leaving Elim, they went down, still to the south; they were then in the desert of Sin, which is situated on the eastern slope of the hills of the littoral of the gulf of Suez; this march to the south led towards the massif of Sinai. Nature there is very grandiose, very imposing, but absolutely savage. Let me be permitted to borrow from Elisée Reclus his description of this country of a classical celebrity. « The hills of the littoral, to the west of the Djebel-et-Tyh, says the learned geographer, are composed of chalky strata, white and regular masses of a monotonous aspect, some hundreds of metres high. But the first mountains which belong to the Sinaitic group and which rise to the south of the bordering chain, from the gulf of Suez to that of Akabah, are formed of sandstone of bizarre profile and varied colouring, which group themselves into picturesque landscapes. To the south rise the granites, the gneisses and the porphyries. Uniform by the composition of their rocks, the mountains of Sinai are no less so by the aridity of their surface; they are of a formidable nakedness; their profile with sharp ridges is outlined against the blue of the sky with the precision of a line engraved upon copper. Thus, the beauty of Sinai, devoid of all exterior ornament, is the beauty of the rock itself: the brick-red of the porphyry, the tender rose of the feldspar, the white or sombre greys of the gneiss and the syenite, the white of the quartz, the green of different crystals give the mountains a certain variety, still increased by the blue of the distances, the black shadows and the play of the light shining upon the crystalline facets. The feeble vegetation which shows itself here and there in the ravines and upon the decomposed gneiss of the slopes adds by contrast to the majesty of forms and to the splendour of colouring which the naked escarpments present; on the banks of the temporary waters in the wadis, a few broom plants, some acacias, some tamarisks, some little groups of palm trees can in no way veil the proud simplicity of the rock. This strong nature, so different from that which one admires in the humid regions of western Europe, acts powerfully upon the mind. All travellers are seized by it; the Bedouins born at the foot of the mountains of Sinai love them with passion and pine away with nostalgia far from their rocks... These rocks are moreover very rich in deposits of turquoises... Seen from one of the summits, the region resembles a troubled sea whose waves cross one another under the influence of opposing and whirling winds; in the highest part (the Djebel Katherin), one sees the traces of ancient glaciers. A range of mountains detaches itself from it towards the north-west; there is the Serbal (2,046 metres), which most explorers consider as the true Sinai. Formerly the Arabs went there to sacrifice sheep and to carry tufts of grasses; that which nature gives them of most precious. Surrounded by wadis inferior in altitude to those of the Djebel Katherin, the Serbal rises to a greater relative height, and at all times the Arabs saw in it the giant of the Peninsula. It is at least the most grandiose: above the buttresses rise naked walls, cut by precipices and terminating in a crest, unclimbable in appearance, jagged into needles and pyramids. One can nevertheless climb it, and since Burckhardt several Europeans have made the ascent of it. In consequence of a phenomenon rather rare in granite, it happens that certain parts of the Serbal are pierced with natural grottoes: the crystals of feldspar have arranged themselves in the rock in the form of diverging rays, and, being the first attacked by the action of time, they leave in disintegrating deep cavities. Finally, on the slopes of the Serbal, one frequently has the occasion to hear the penetrating sounds which the crystalline sands emit in movement. A corridor of the mountain, inclined in the direction of the west and about fifteen metres wide, is filled with debris from the quartz walls: this corridor is named the Djebel Nakous (the ascent of the bells), because one hears there, say the Bedouins, the sound of the bells of a phantom convent which walks about in the interior of the Serbal. The traveller perceives a delicious sound, now feeble, like that of distant flutes, now stronger, like that of an organ near at hand; according to the ardour of the sun, the humidity of the air and of the earth, the quantity of sand which detaches itself, the force of the breeze which hastens or slackens the sounds, the music seems a harmonious sigh or like the bellowing voice of the mountain. » Such is the region where, hidden in his column of cloud, Jehovah was drawing his people along. It is evident that the spectacle of the mountains of Sinai is incomparable; but it is none the less true also that the admiration of this superb nature, agreeable as it might be to the Hebrews, put nothing between their teeth. According to Exodus (Exodus 16), they were then at the fifteenth day of the second month of their departure from Egypt: without any doubt, the provisions which they had carried away must have been exhausted, and in that confounded desert there was not a single restaurant nor a single beer-house. Our three millions of emigrants murmured against Moses and Aaron. « And the children of Israel said unto them: Ah! why did we not die by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt! We were seated upon pots of meat, and we ate bread as much as we would. But you, you have brought us into this desert, to make us all die of hunger! » (Exodus 16:2-3). And the Hebrews would have dealt harshly with Moses if Papa Good God had not put him in a position to satisfy these starving people by prodigies which Robert-Houdin himself never managed to equal. There was, in that desert of Sin, a rain of quails; yes, you hear me quite well, ladies and gentlemen, quails! (Exodus 16:13). Now, as the Hebrews probably had no stoves, one may conclude that these quails arrived ready roasted. And that was not all: « Behold that there was in the morning a layer of dew round about the camp; it was, in the desert, a little round thing, fine as hoar-frost, upon the earth. And Moses said unto the Hebrews: This is the bread which the Eternal giveth you to eat. And the Hebrews named this bread manna; and this manna was as coriander seed, and it had the taste of honey-fritters. » (Exodus 16:13-15, 31) The same chapter informs us that the people of God had, every morning, their provision of manna for the day, during the forty years that the journey lasted, and that all regaled themselves with it, enough to lick their fingers. The veneration which I have for the Holy Ghost obliges me to add that manna is still found not only in the Sinaitic peninsula, but in many other places of the globe, notably in Calabria, in Persia, in the neighbourhood of Ararat, etc.; manna is much recommended as a purgative. Thus, Papa Good God took great care of the health of the Israelites: while filling their bellies, he took care that they should not be constipated. Forty years of daily purge, there is something that is truly the mark of a good father! 114. Heaven feeds the people of God. From the desert of Sin, the Hebrews passed to the desert of Tyh, where Rephidim is. There, Moses, assailed by his compatriots who asked him for drink, climbed Mount Horeb and struck a rock with a blow of his wand; a fountain of living water gushed from it; our three millions of emigrants quenched their thirst; after which, they pitched their tents in the plain. A disagreeable surprise awaited them. In those parts were Amalek and his people, who looked with an evil eye upon the descendants of Jacob. It is well to say that Amalek was the grandson of Esau: by Adah, his first wife, Esau had had for eldest son Eliphaz, who, living in concubinage with a certain Timna, had Amalek, among other children. (Genesis 36:12) How was this Amalek still living? The pigeon forgot to explain it to the sacred author, and the latter did not think of being astonished at it. The mere fact of this existence is very extraordinary, nevertheless: for, in order that the descendants of the twelve sons of Jacob could have become a population furnishing six hundred thousand combatants, the multiplication can only have been effected by a succession of numerous generations, and besides the Bible teaches that four hundred and thirty years had elapsed between the arrival of Jacob and his sons in Egypt and the exodus of their posterity. Amalek must therefore have been about four hundred years old when he attacked the encampment of Rephidim. The sacred author does not appear to suspect the extreme old age of the chief of the Amalekites; he says quite simply, without the least surprise: « Then Amalek came and gave battle to the Hebrews at Rephidim. » (Exodus 17:8) Be that as it may, this Amalek was without any doubt a terrible man, seeing that our Jews had a stiff fright. To repel the assault, Moses ordered Joshua, commander-in-chief of the emigrants, to choose his best soldiers; as for himself, he went up on a neighbouring hillock, in the company of Aaron and Hur. Then, while the others fought, Moses held his arms out in a cross: as long as he could remain in this position, the Hebrews had the upper hand; but, as soon as, being tired, he let his hands fall again, the enemies regained the advantage; finally, being able to bear no more, he invited Aaron and Hur to hold up his arms until sunset, and the result was that Joshua, in the plain, inflicted upon duke Amalek a defeat as complete as possible; the Amalekites were all put to the edge of the sword (Exodus 17:9-13). 115. Moses obtains great victories from heaven. At chapter 18, we see the Midianite high priest Jethro pay a visit to his son-in-law Moses to congratulate him. The latter related to his father-in-law all the marvels of the departure from Egypt; which brought about the conversion of Jethro. « I know now, cried he, that Jehovah is great above all the gods. » (v. 11) And he offered Jehovah a sacrifice. Before returning home, Jethro gave a few counsels to his son-in-law, notably that of unburdening himself of a part of his functions upon sub-chiefs commanding, some a thousand men, others a hundred men, etc. Moses found the advice excellent, and a hierarchy was at once instituted. It was at this epoch that Moses, in imitation of the Egyptians and the other peoples, established priests with numerous privileges. The tribe of Levi, to which he belonged, became the sacerdotal caste, and Aaron, his elder brother, was the first high priest of Jehovah. The worship was thenceforward organized. 116. Invention of the priesthood: Aaron the first priest. All this was done by the very order of Jehovah, with whom Moses entered into conversation upon Mount Sinai. The son-in-law of Jethro betook himself alone to the summit of the mountain, and there Papa Good God gave him ten commandments which were to be the religious law of the Hebrew people. During this time, Sinai was surrounded by gleams as celestial as they were frightful, and everywhere resounded an appalling din, manifest signs of the great events which were being accomplished. Jehovah also dictated civil laws (Exodus 19-31). These conversations between Moses and the god of the Jews were frequent and lasted several days. « And when the Lord had finished all his discourses upon mount Sinai, he delivered unto Moses two tables of stone, upon which, with his divine finger, he had written his testimony, in graven writing. » (Exodus 31:18) 117. Moses on Sinai. Now, while the Most High was in solemn conference with Moses, the Hebrews, completely forgetting the varied collection of miracles accomplished in their favour, were adoring a golden calf. The most curious part of the story is that this golden calf had been manufactured for them by Aaron himself: Aaron had asked for all the gold jewels of the women and the girls of the nation; it is not said what founders brought, in that desert, their assistance to the renegade high priest. This casting of the colossal idol, for which a good factory would take three months, was executed in one night. One may judge of the just fury of Moses when, coming down from Sinai with his divine tables of stone under his arm, he perceived the golden calf and the Jews offering it sacrifices, accompanied by dances and joyous songs, under the direction of Aaron. He broke the tables of marble and had the idol destroyed. 118. The golden calf. His way of suppressing the sacrilegious statue deserves the honours of textual citation: « Moses took the golden calf, put it in the fire and ground it until it was in powder; next he scattered this powder in the waters and he made the children of Israel to drink thereof. » (Exodus 32:20) One will acknowledge that it is not given to everybody to reduce gold to powder by putting it in the fire; that is an operation of which nobody other than the astonishing Moses has known the secret. Moreover, the Bible has just informed us that gold powder can be drunk in solution in water; this is not commonplace either, since gold dissolves with sulphur; but then one easily imagines what a frightful beverage the Israelites must have swallowed. But the finest thing of all is that Moses gave absolution to Aaron, fabricator of the idol, and that he ordered the Levites, who were with his brother the most guilty in this general apostasy, to spread through the camp and to massacre at random; twenty-three thousand Jews were thus slaughtered by those very men who had just been presiding over the idolatry. Jehovah, appeased, had Moses construct a tabernacle, that is to say a sort of special tent, pitched outside the camp, to spare him the ascent of Sinai, when they should henceforward have to cut a bib together (‘cut a bib’ — fr. ‘tailler une bavette’, to have a good long chat). Here is how things came about (it is textual): « As soon as Moses was entered into the tabernacle, the pillar of cloud descended and stopped at the door; it is then that the Eternal spake with Moses, and all the people rose and each one prostrated himself. And the Eternal spake to Moses face to face, as a man speaketh to his intimate friend. » (Exodus 33:9-11) But Moses, not having sufficiently appreciated the exceptional favour which Papa Good God accorded him in exhibiting to him his face, the contemplation of which is reserved for the angels alone, grew bold one day and asked Jehovah to show himself to him in all his glory. How did Papa Good God receive this request? The manuals of sacred history carefully omit this passage of the Bible. Here again, we shall therefore make use of textual citation: « Moses said unto the Eternal: I pray thee, Lord, make me see thy glory. And God answered him: I will make all my splendour pass before thine eyes; but now thou shalt no more be able to see my face, for no man henceforth shall see me without dying. But here is how thou shalt be able to see my glory: thou shalt place thyself upon the rock which is there, and that rock hath a cleft wherein thou shalt plunge thy head; then, my glory shall pass on the other side of the rock. I will first cover thine eyes with my hand, until my glory be in all its brightness; then, I will withdraw my hand, and thou shalt see my hinder parts; but my face, thou shalt not see it. » (Exodus 33:18-23) The tables of the Law having been broken, Papa Good God was willing to engrave his decalogue anew. However, without one knowing why, the second edition was not made in the tabernacle; one must therefore believe that this work could only be carried out upon Sinai, whither Moses had to return; he remained there forty days and forty nights without drinking or eating. « Now, when Moses came down from the mountain, he perceived not that his forehead had two horns of rays; but Aaron and all the Israelites saw it, and they feared to approach him. » (Exodus 34:29-30) It happened the same when Moses came out of the tabernacle; such is the reason for which he is always represented, in pictures, with two jets of rays, resembling horns. (‘two horns of rays’ — fr. the Hebrew verb can mean either ‘to shine’ or ‘to grow horns’. Taxil’s Bible keeps the horned reading — the one that gave Michelangelo his horned Moses — where English Bibles say only that the skin of his face shone.) Exodus ends with six chapters (35-40), of which it will suffice to cite the summaries: « Law of the sabbath. Of the offerings for the tabernacle. — Liberality of the people in the offerings. The tabernacle. — The ark. The mercy-seat. The table of the shewbread. The candlestick. The altar of perfumes. The holy oil and the perfume. — Various pieces of the tabernacle. — Description of the sacred vestments. — The tabernacle set up and sanctified. » All the minute details, regulated by Jehovah speaking to Moses, no longer offer any interest today. It is the same with Leviticus, in twenty-seven chapters, the third book of the Bible. In the way of episodes, this book contains only the description of the consecration of Aaron and of his sons (ch. 8) and the lamentable story of Nadab and Abihu, who, having lighted their censer with the first fire that came to hand, were burned alive by flames which Jehovah suddenly caused to come forth before him in the sanctuary (ch. 10). Leviticus is, in reality, a long and tedious enumeration of the various categories of sacrifices and of the ceremonies with which they must be accompanied. The sacred author therein formulates the laws upon the priesthood, upon holocausts, upon pure and impure animals, upon defilements of various sorts, in particular upon leprosy and lepers, upon the sanctity of priests, upon feasts, upon the offering of cakes and of first fruits, upon the lamps of the sanctuary, upon various purifications, notably that of women after childbirth, upon blasphemy, the death penalty, the year of jubilee, the redemption of vows, etc. One important passage contains hardly anything but ordinances upon the duties of civil life. It is an incoherent heap of the most bizarre prescriptions, of which one cannot undertake the reading without yawning one’s jaw off. It is in there that the hare, declared an impure animal, is qualified, as well as the rabbit, as a « ruminant » (Leviticus 11:5-6); the sacred author took the movement of their lips for the action of chewing the cud. He devotes to abomination « every beast that flieth and that hath four feet » (v. 23); it is forbidden to eat those beasts under any pretext; I should think so! to eat four-footed birds, one would have to feed on canvas and stone, seeing that such monsters exist only in the pictures and the sculptures of high fancy. The locust is declared impure; which did not prevent St. John the Baptist from making it his food, at the time when he was announcing the Messiah. In Leviticus, venereal diseases are studied from the religious point of view, and upon this subject the sacred author, become altogether disgusting, is inexhaustible. A certain number of these holy filthinesses are, moreover, of the most grotesque, like this one: « If a man having an issue spit upon a sound person, the latter shall be reputed unclean until the setting of the sun » (Leviticus 15:8); but the gentleman afflicted with the discharge in question can purify himself religiously. You think perhaps that the Bible is going to prescribe him some copaiba? (‘copaiba’ — fr. ‘copahu’, the balsam that was the standard nineteenth-century remedy for such discharges) No, you are not there at all! « The man who hath an issue shall count seven days for his purification; he shall wash his garments and also his flesh with living water. And, on the eighth day, he shall take two turtle-doves or else two young pigeons; he shall come to the sanctuary, and he shall give them to the priest. » (Leviticus 15:13-14) Several prohibitions are excellent. One must in all justice recognize that the legislator makes no difficulty about recording that the morals of the descendants of Jacob were then appalling; copulation with beasts is branded as a sin which must no more be renewed in Israel. The threat of capital punishment is reiterated to satiety against all the forms of licentiousness in chapter 20, to the point that Jehovah (for it is he who speaks) comes to say: « When a man shall have lain with a woman having her courses, they shall both be cut off from the midst of my people. » (v. 18) Here finally are some recommendations, which will give an idea of the style in which this sublime Leviticus is drawn up; one cannot read this with too much respect, since it is God himself who holds this language: « None shall approach unto her who is his near kinswoman, to uncover her nakedness. I am the Eternal! — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy father, nor the nakedness of thy mother; since this woman is thy mother, respect her nakedness. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of the wife of thy father; for this nakedness belongeth to thy father. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy sister, daughter of thy father or daughter of thy mother, born in the house or out of the house; no, thou shalt not uncover their nakedness. — As for the nakedness of the daughter of thy son or of the daughter of thy daughter, although this nakedness belong to thee, thou shalt not uncover it. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of the daughter of the wife of thy father, born of thy father; she is thy sister. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of the sister of thy father; she is a near kinswoman of thy father. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of the sister of thy mother; she is a near kinswoman of thy mother. — Thou shalt not approach unto the wife of the brother of thy father to uncover her nakedness; this woman is thine aunt. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy daughter-in-law; for this nakedness belongeth, not to thee, but to thy son. — Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy sister-in-law; for this nakedness belongeth to thy brother. — Thou shalt not uncover all together the nakedness of a woman and the nakedness of her daughter; for, if thou liest with the mother, the daughter becometh thy near kinswoman. And if the woman with whom thou liest be old, thou shalt not draw unto thee the daughter of her son or the daughter of her daughter, to uncover their nakedness; for they also are thy near kinswomen. — Neither shalt thou take a woman with her sister, to lie with them both; for, in uncovering the nakedness of the one before the other, thou wouldst afflict her during her life. » (Leviticus 18:6-18) The book of Numbers is so named because the first four chapters comprise the numbering of the Hebrews in the desert, in the second month of the second year of the journey. For the tribe of Levi, the census bore upon all the males from the age of one month, and they are counted as 22,000; but those among them who were charged with the service of the tabernacle were the Levites aged from thirty to fifty years; they figure as 8,580. As for the other tribes, Moses admitted into his statistics only the males aged twenty years and above, in a condition to bear arms: tribe of Reuben, 46,500; of Simeon, 59,300; of Gad, 45,650; of Judah, 74,600; of Issachar, 54,400; of Zebulun, 57,400; of Ephraim, 40,500; of Manasseh, 32,200; of Benjamin, 35,400; of Dan, 62,700; of Asher, 41,500; of Naphtali, 53,400; that is, in all, 603,550 combatants. Taken as a whole, the thirty-two other chapters of the book give the sequel of the journey of the Jews. However, one still finds there regulations, as minute as they are monotonous; half of chapter 8 is devoted to the manner of lighting the lamps! It is in Numbers that one finds a recipe to be recommended to jealous husbands who judge themselves cuckolds, although not having been able to catch their wife in flagrant delict. « Jehovah, speaking again to Moses, said unto him: When a woman despising her husband shall have lain with another, and her husband shall not have been able to surprise her, and witnesses shall not be able to convict her of adultery, the woman thus suspected shall be led before the priest, and the husband shall first make to the priest the offering of a cake made with good barley meal. Then, the priest shall take holy water, which he shall put into a vessel of earth, and he shall mingle therewith a little dust taken from the floor of the tabernacle. Then, he shall adjure the woman, saying unto her: If thou hast lain with none other than thy husband, this water which thou art about to drink shall do thee no harm; but, if thou hast debauched thyself, let the evil wherewith thou art about to be smitten serve as an example to the people. And the priest shall make the woman to swear by an oath of imprecation; he shall tell her the evil which threateneth her, if she be guilty, and she shall answer: Amen. And after he shall have made her drink the water, if it be true that she hath polluted herself in perfidy against her husband, this water, being full of malediction, shall be bitter for her; immediately her belly shall swell and the flesh of one of her thighs shall turn to rottenness; thus she shall receive her chastisement, in the midst of the people. On the contrary, if she hath remained faithful to her husband, the water of jealousy shall cause her no harm, and in consequence of this trial she shall have children. » (Numbers 5) At last, after the census and the dictation of various regulations, they set out again on the march; by order of Jehovah, Moses had had two silver trumpets manufactured to give the signal for departure. In this new period of the journey, the Hebrews, finding the manna insufficient for their food, murmured and demanded meat. Hullo! but by the way, had not the divine pigeon told us, in Exodus (Exodus 12:38), that our emigrants, on leaving Egypt, took away a prodigious number of oxen and innumerable flocks? On several occasions, Papa Good God had had the first-born of the sheep sacrificed to him, when they halted for a whole year at the minimum in the region of Sinai; moreover, at the moment of their apostasy, Aaron and the Levites offered holocausts to the golden calf. Well then, disappeared all at once, the innumerable flocks?... It must be avowed that it is past all understanding: when the Holy Ghost relates the sacrifices offered in the desert, the Hebrew people has all its cattle brought from Egypt; but, when his narrative passes to other facts, behold this same people represented as reduced to feeding on manna. We shall not insinuate that the divine pigeon contradicts himself; that would be a blasphemy: we are therefore obliged to conclude that the innumerable flocks had been guzzled by Jehovah, in the form of holocausts, and that the Holy Ghost forgot to say so expressly. Be that as it may, since the Hebrews, on their departure from the region of Sinai, were clamouring with horn and cry for meat (‘with horn and cry’ — fr. ‘à cor et à cri’, from the hunting field: loudly and insistently), it follows that they had not an ox left, not a ewe, not a sheep, not a lamb. Moses informed Jehovah of these claims. « Then, the Eternal raised up a great wind, which, blowing from beyond the Red Sea, brought quails and scattered them in so abundant a quantity in the camp and all around, that there was almost the height of two cubits of them upon the earth. » (Numbers 11:31) Papa Good God certainly owed that to his people, who had sacrificed to him their innumerable flocks. One may imagine whether the Hebrews were joyful and feasted! « But, whilst the flesh of the quails was still between their teeth, before they had chewed it, the anger of the Eternal was kindled against the people and smote them with a horrible plague. And that place was named Kibroth-Hattaavah, that is to say sepulchre of the gluttons; for there were buried thousands of those who had wished to eat flesh » (Numbers 11:33-34). Stunning in his craziness, decidedly, the lord Jehovah!... Now, Aaron and Miriam had not approved of their brother Moses marrying an Ethiopian woman. One day when they were at Hazeroth, whither the Hebrew people had betaken themselves on leaving Kibroth-Hattaavah, they exchanged between the two of them some disobliging observations on the account of their sister-in-law Zipporah; but they were at once sharply reprimanded by Papa Good God, speaking to them in his column of cloud, without letting himself be seen. Moreover, Miriam had a severe punishment: when the Eternal had finished his rebuke, the sister of Moses found herself all covered with leprosy; however, at the instances of Moses, Papa Good God consented to make this malady last only seven days (Numbers 12). On leaving Hazeroth, they took the direction of the north. The region into which our emigrants entered is named in the Bible « desert of Paran »; it is the eastern part of the peninsula of Sinai, comprised between the extremity of the chain of Djebel-et-Tyh and the mountains of El-Samghi and El-Chafa; there flows the river of Aïn, which throws itself into the gulf of Akabah. The sacred author places in this region a new country of Midian. Moses ordered a halt and sent out on reconnaissance twelve spies, one from each tribe; these scouts went as far as Hebron, to the west of the Dead Sea, in the very heart of the land of Canaan, occupied then by the Amorites. They came back at the end of forty days and made their report: they brought back with them, in support of their statements, magnificent fruits, such as pomegranates, figs, grapes; a bunch of grapes was so big that several men were needed to carry it. 119. The fruits of the promised land. It was the incontestable proof of the fertility of the territory of which our emigrants were meditating to take possession. On the other hand, the report of the spies was like a douche of iced water which instantly cooled their covetousness. Nowhere have we ever seen such fine fruits, said the spies; but the inhabitants of the country are fellows of the most robust, and they have cities closed by solid walls. « We have even seen there descendants of Anak, that is to say giants, before whom we appear but as grasshoppers. » The conclusion of ten spies out of the twelve was that it would not be good to tangle with those fellows, and the people were entirely of their mind. Joshua and Caleb alone considered that the country they had just seen was too fine not to try to conquer it; in two words, they said squarely that the game was worth the candle and that the attempt must be made. But, their enthusiasm not being shared by their compatriots, Papa Good God declared to the Hebrew people that, since it was so, they would all die before arriving at the goal of their journey, with the exception of Joshua and Caleb. Some days afterwards, Amalekites and Canaanites appeared and gave the Jews a drubbing of the best conditioned. (Numbers 13, 14) Among the incidents reported by the book of Numbers is the conspiracy of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, who, with two hundred and fifty comrades, were of opinion that Moses and Aaron were wrong to place themselves above all the other Levites. These three personages were swallowed up all at once, the earth having opened beneath their feet; they disappeared, as well as their families; and the two hundred and fifty Jews of their party were instantly devoured by miraculous flames which came out of the ground beneath their feet. Moreover, the Eternal, in order the better to strike the minds of the people, inflicted a plague upon fourteen thousand seven hundred emigrants who had not entered into the plot; these unfortunates died of it, and the Levites burned perfumes (Numbers 16). After which, by order of Jehovah, Moses invited the chiefs of the tribes to bring him a rod of dry wood, similar to the rod which Aaron always carried with him; on each rod was written the name of a tribe; then they were deposited together in the tabernacle, and with these twelve rods a thirteenth was mingled, offered by the tribe of Levi and upon which the name of Aaron was inscribed. On the morrow, to the great surprise of all, whereas the rods of the twelve other tribes had not changed in appearance, that of the tribe of Levi had blossomed; it was full of flowers, and even ripe almonds had grown upon it. This miracle indicated clearly that the Eternal was confirming Aaron in his priesthood; the people declared themselves convinced and promised to be jealous of the Levites no more (Numbers 17). Since this miracle should have sufficed, why had God caused fourteen thousand seven hundred men, innocent of any plot, to die of a horrible plague? It has not been forgotten that the Hebrews no longer had any meat; but now Jehovah desired a fresh sacrifice. He had a fancy that a young red heifer should be offered to him in holocaust, without any blemish and never having borne the yoke. This desire was scarcely expressed when our emigrants chose, from among their flocks, — they had some all of a sudden, then? — the finest red heifer, uniting the required conditions, and brought her to the sacrificer Eleazar (Numbers 19). At chapter 20, the travellers have arrived at the foot of the Djebel Halal. They halt at Kadesh; Miriam dies there, and is buried. Water was lacking in that place. Fresh murmurs of the people; a fresh rock struck with a blow of the rod by Moses; a fresh miracle. « Then, waters came forth from the rock in abundance, and the Hebrews drank, and their beasts also » (v. 11). No mistake, is there? our emigrants now had their flocks. — As they wished to continue their road towards the north, passing through the country of the Idumeans, they entered into parleys with the king of Edom; but the latter refused to let them cross his territory, and they had to make a detour. While, having taken to the right, they were skirting the eastern slope of the chain of the mountains of Seir, Papa Good God told Moses to climb with Aaron and his son Eleazar upon Mount Hor: once at the summit of the mountain, Moses, conforming to the divine prescriptions, stripped Aaron of his garments, clothed Eleazar in them, and immediately Aaron died. He was aged a hundred and twenty-three years. In our day, the Musulmans show tourists the tomb of Aaron, on the summit of Hor, at 1,329 metres of altitude; the monument is in reality a Mahometan sanctuary; as for the tomb itself, it is an absolutely modern sarcophagus. In this Canaanite region reigned a certain king of Arad, who, as soon as he learned of the coming of the Israelites, took the field, beat their so numerous army and took prisoners from them. Profoundly grieved, the Jewish people addressed a prayer to Jehovah: « Lord, cried the Hebrews, if thou give us the victory over this nation, we make a vow to destroy its cities! » And God granted his people’s request. At a second encounter, the emigrants were victorious over the Canaanites, exterminated them and accomplished their work of destruction of the cities of the kingdom of Arad. Thereupon, instead of settling in the country, they retraced their steps and set about, one knows not why, going down again towards the Red Sea. The sacred author in no way explains this strange march. While the travellers had returned to the desert, Papa Good God, by way of a diversion, sent them « burning serpents, which so bit the people, that a great number of those of Israel died thereof ». Moses, then, manufactured a serpent of brass and placed it on the top of a pole; and whoever had been bitten by one of the fiery serpents had only to look at the brazen serpent to be cured. (Numbers 21:6-9) After having wandered over hill and dale, the Hebrews came back north towards the Amorites, governed by king Sihon, upon whom they inflicted a bloody defeat; this nation was entirely put to the edge of the sword. Then, Og, king of Bashan, was vanquished in his turn and slaughtered, as well as all his subjects; the people of God took possession of this new territory. The emigrants from Egypt had then reached a place which the Bible calls Ije-abarim, at a little distance from the southern extremity of the Dead Sea; they had to cross a little chain of mountains which serves as frontier to the region occupied by the descendants of that Moab, formerly begotten by the patriarch Lot marrying his elder daughter in a night of soakography (‘soakography’ — fr. ‘soulographie’, a mock-learned coinage from ‘soûl’, drunk: a boozing bout); now, the region of the Moabites was bounded on the east by the country of Midian (this is the third!), and Midianites and Moabites lived as excellent neighbours. One asks oneself why Moses conducted the Hebrews into this region; for, after all, what was the aim of the journey? If Exodus is to be believed, the prophet with the radiating horns was lugging about with him the mummy of Joseph, destined for a definitive interment in the famous cavern of Machpelah, that is to say at Hebron, in the territory of Canaan, to the west of the Dead Sea. Well, the road was free on that side, since the Amorites, having had the bad idea of coming out of their kingdom to oppose the Jewish invasion, had just been all exterminated; there remained therefore nothing but to settle there, it was a part of the Promised Land. On the contrary, it is to the east of the Dead Sea, outside the land of Canaan, that Moses takes his compatriots. Let him understand who can! Be that as it may, the king of the Moabites, named Balak, learning of the march of the Hebrews towards his capital, hastened to hold council with his ministers and with the wisest magistrates of the Midianites, his allies. Here is what resolution was adopted: there was at that time, in the city of Pethor, a certain Balaam, son of Beor, whose trade was to tell fortunes and to conjure away evil spells; it was decided to send a delegation to Balaam, to obtain one of his best blessings in favour of the Moabites and the Midianites, while he should formulate a well-felt curse against the Hebrews. Balaam began by refusing to go and bless king Balak, his people and his allies. However, having in the end believed he understood that the Eternal authorized him to comply with the monarch’s desires, he set out with the deputation which had come to fetch him. He was journeying then, perched upon his she-ass, when all at once the latter perceived an angel, armed with a sword, who barred her road. The she-ass, then, made off into a field, to avoid the angel. « And Balaam smote his beast, to make her return into the road. But the angel stopped in a path of vineyards, which had a wall on this side, and one on that. And the she-ass, having seen the angel again, pressed herself against the wall, and, in pressing herself, she crushed the foot of Balaam who continued to beat her. And the angel passed yet further on and stopped in that narrow place where there was no means of turning aside, neither to the right, nor to the left. The she-ass, still seeing the angel, fell down under Balaam, and he in anger smote her harder than ever with his staff. Then, the Lord opened the mouth of the she-ass, who said unto Balaam: What have I done to thee? wherefore hast thou smitten me three times? Balaam answered her: It is because thou hast deserved it; thou hast crushed my foot. Would that I had a sword in hand! I would kill thee now. The she-ass replied: Am I not thine ass, whom thou hast always ridden until to-day? Tell me if I have the custom of doing thus? — No, said Balaam. Then the Eternal opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw, before him in the road, the angel who held his sabre, out of the scabbard; and Balaam prostrated himself, his face against the earth. The angel said unto Balaam: I am come forth to oppose thee; for thou takest an evil road; and if thy she-ass had not turned aside from me, I should have killed thee; but her, I should have left alive. Balaam answered the angel: If it please thee not that I go yonder, I will return. The angel said unto him: No, thou mayest pursue thy way; go with these men; but thou shalt pronounce only the words which Jehovah shall speak by thy mouth. Balaam therefore went away with the lords who had been sent by Balak. » (Numbers 22:23-35) The conclusion was that the Israelite people was three times blessed by the mouth of Balaam, to the great fury of the king of the Moabites who cried out: « I had called thee to curse mine enemies, and thou hast blessed them! Return therefore into thy country. I had resolved to load thee with honours and with presents; wherefore thou mayest tell thyself that it is the god Jehovah who hath deprived thee of them. » (Numbers 24:10-11) We are soon going to see how the Hebrews recompensed Balaam for his blessings. First of all, king Balak swallowed his anger, and chapter 25 shows us the descendants of Jacob very quietly installed among the Moabites and the Midianites. This army of six hundred thousand Jewish combatants, which was ready to massacre the subjects and the allies of Balak, thinks no more of battles; without truce, without the least preliminary, peace is made; the Hebrew people mingles familiarly with the Midianite and Moabite people. « Then Israel dwelt at Shittim, and the people of God began to lie with the daughters of Moab. These women invited the Hebrews to the sacrifices of their gods; they adored the same gods, Israel embraced the worship of Baal-Peor. » (Numbers 25:1-3) That did not suit the Levites, dropped for their competitors, the idolatrous priests. And so Phinehas, son of the high priest Eleazar, having one day seen a Jew named Zimri enter the house of the fair Cozbi, a Midianite woman, rushed in at the moment when they were engaged in fornicating and transfixed them both at one stroke with a long javelin. Shortly before, Jehovah had sent a plague upon his people to punish them; twenty-four thousand men had already died of this plague. The javelin-thrust of Phinehas therefore caused a great joy to Papa Good God, who instantly stopped the malady (Numbers 25:6-9). However, the lord Jehovah ordered Moses to prepare a general extermination of the Moabites and the Midianites. Before putting this fine project into execution, Moses had a fresh census taken; for it was then thirty-eight years since they had left the country of Sinai and had set out from Kibroth-Hattaavah and Hazeroth. During these thirty-eight years, the people of God had been renewed, since Jehovah had taken care to warn the emigrants that none of those who were present at the departure from Egypt should enter the Promised Land, with the sole exception of Joshua and Caleb. In spite of the losses of twenty-three thousand men slaughtered for the affair of the golden calf, of fourteen thousand dead of a plague for the Korah-Dathan-Abiram incident and of twenty-four thousand dead likewise of an ill-defined plague in punishment for the fornication with the Moabite and Midianite girls, without counting the thousands buried at the sepulchre of the gluttons or killed by the fiery serpents, the statistics of Moses showed a total of six hundred and one thousand seven hundred and thirty men in a condition to bear arms, not including the Levites, to the number of twenty-three thousand (Numbers 26). Now, if one wishes to examine this road travelled in thirty-eight years, one observes once more to what a point the divine pigeon makes fun of the devout believers. In fact, nothing is easier than to follow the Israelites in their alleged journey, helping oneself either with a guide for the use of tourists, — for example, the Baedeker, Handbook for the Traveller in Palestine and Syria, — or with the works of the learned, such as Salomon Munck, Delaborde, Burckhardt, de Raumer, Berton, etc., who have gone to the very places to note the principal points of the celebrated itinerary; for superstition has maintained in the country a legend adopted by the Arabs as well as by the Jews, seeing that Moses figures among the prophets recognized by Islam, and Musulman fanaticism yields in nothing to that of the other religions which have the Bible for a sacred book. The maps of Elisée Reclus and those of Kiepert and Lionnet (Bibel-Atlas) are likewise a precious resource for whoever wishes to realize the hoaxes of the Holy Ghost. Thus, we are going to retrace, out of curiosity, a modern itinerary from Hazeroth, point of departure of the region of Mount Sinai, as far as Mount Nebo, where Moses died in sight of the Promised Land, passing by Mount Hor, where Aaron died, and by the country of the Moabites. Hazeroth (today Aïn-el-Hahdrah) is situated in the Sinaitic peninsula, at a little distance from the western coast of the gulf of Akabah, named sea of Elath in antiquity. Elath is at the head of the gulf; its ruins are to be seen near Akabah; it is there that begins the long valley of the Arabah, which extends as far as the Djebel Ousdoum, at the south-west extremity of the Dead Sea. From Hazeroth to Elath, there are 148 kilometres. Marching without hurrying, at the rate of 8 kilometres a day only (two hours of marching and twenty-two hours of rest!), that makes a first stage of sixteen days. — The journey from Akabah to Mount Hor is made fairly frequently in our day; for, near that mountain where the tomb of Aaron is, guarded by the Musulmans, are the interesting ruins of Petra, the ancient Sela of the Hebrews, a commercial city which was formerly very prosperous. There are 81 kilometres from Akabah to Petra, which is 3 hours from Mount Hor. The Baedeker guide (page 152) says that this journey is made in four days and gives the stages in detail. Let us be generous, and say: eight days. — To follow the Israelites in their march, one must now go from Mount Hor to El-Kerak, the ancient Kir-Moab, one of the principal cities of the Moabites; about 100 kilometres, of which Baedeker gives the detail of the stages (route 13, page 154), assigning 28 hours to this journey which is made very conveniently on horseback. Let us put twelve days. — Finally, to get to Mount Nebo, one must take the road from El-Kerak to Madeba, by Dibân (formerly Dibon, a city conquered by the Hebrews (Numbers 21:30). Madeba is the ancient Medba, a Moabite city in origin (Joshua 13:9), which afterwards belonged to the tribe of Reuben. From El-Kerak to Dibân, there are 35 kilometres; from Dibân to Madeba, 23 kilometres. This stage requires about 26 hours, according to the Baedeker guide (route 17, pages 192-193). But let us not be stingy, and let us allow seven days, including the excursion to Mount Nebo. « It is in the mountains to the north-west of Madeba that Nebo is found, whence Moses contemplated before his death the whole Promised Land; one gets there through cultivated fields in about 1 hour and a half. » Consequently, from the departure from Sinai as far as Nebo, the journey on foot represents in all forty-three days, with only two hours of daily marching. The detour, to avoid the territory of the Idumeans, gives a divergence of scarcely 120 kilometres. That hardly resembles the thirty-eight years which the Bible reckons! Before drawing the Israelites in the direction of Mount Nebo, Moses, by order of Jehovah, occupied himself with massacring the populations which had given them a fraternal hospitality, but which had had the fault — irremissible crime! — of associating them with their genuflexions before other gods. A choice was made of a thousand men per tribe, in all twelve thousand avengers of Sabaoth. (Numbers 31) The Midianites, above all, caught it; all the males of that nation were slaughtered, including their kings, to the number of five: Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur and Reba. « The Hebrews also put to the edge of the sword Balaam, son of Beor », that excellent prophet who had blessed them (v. 8); « and the children of Israel took the women of the Midianites, their little children, their flocks, all their movables, and they pillaged everything, and they burned cities, villages, castles » (Numbers 31:9-10). Now, Moses found this massacre still insufficient. « He fell into anger against the captains of the army, and he said unto them: Wherefore have ye spared the women?... Kill therefore now all the little male children, slaughter all the women who have known coition (sic); but reserve for yourselves all the virgin girls » (Numbers 31:14-15, 17-18). The reckoning of the booty was made: « it was found that what had been pillaged consisted of 675,000 sheep, 72,000 oxen, 61,000 asses and 32,000 maidens » (v. 32-35). A part of this booty was reserved for Jehovah; thirty-two young Midianite virgins were attributed to him (v. 40). Nothing interesting is to be noted in the other chapters of the book of Numbers; they are regulations upon inheritances, ordinances touching the sacrifices for the feasts of trumpets, of expiation and of tabernacles, recapitulations of encampments, that is to say repetitions, and prescriptions relative to the future partition of the Promised Land, that is to say enumerations which the book of Joshua will reproduce with details still more tedious. Deuteronomy, fifth and last book of the Pentateuch, offers still less interest than Leviticus and Numbers. It is, in the form of discourses, the repetition of the various laws previously promulgated. In a first discourse, which takes up four chapters, Moses summarizes what has happened since the departure from Egypt and recalls to the Hebrews with what an avalanche of benefits they have been overwhelmed by Jehovah. In a second discourse, this one in twenty-one chapters, he sets forth anew all that constitutes for the Jewish people its civil and religious code. Then come a certain number of exhortations relative to the observation of the law: the Israelites shall be blessed and their affairs shall prosper if they accomplish the commandments of Jehovah; on the contrary, if they transgress them, maledictions shall rain upon their heads, with an accompaniment of chastisements as numerous as they are varied. The sacred author taking good care to tell us that when he, Moses, pronounced these discourses, it was the Eternal himself who spoke by his mouth, it is not useless to bring out a few pearls of this divine eloquence. « Behold the fortieth year that you are on the way, and nevertheless the garments wherewith you were covered are not worn out upon you, nor your shoes upon your feet. » (Deuteronomy 8:4) There, certainly, is a miracle which is as much a miracle as all the others, and which does not lack gaiety. According to the two numberings which are known, there were in round figures six hundred thousand men-at-arms in this emigrant population, both on leaving Egypt and on arriving in the country of Moab, and it is known also that the arrivals were no longer the same as those who set out. All the theologians agree in recognizing that this number of men-at-arms supposes at the departure, for the total of the Hebrew people, three millions of individuals, old men, women, young girls, young boys and families of Levites. Therefore, since three millions of persons met their death in the desert in the space of those forty years, there were three millions of coats and robes and three millions of pairs of shoes which were handed on from one to another. But, since the last census showed a figure of six hundred and one thousand seven hundred and thirty combatants, without counting twenty-three thousand Levites, if one supposes that each combatant and each Levite had a wife, that each household of these so prolific Jews had on average three children (that is modest!), that only half of the couples had with them their fathers and mothers, that would make four millions three hundred and seventy-three thousand one hundred and ten persons to shoe and to clothe. This calculation only makes the greatness of the miracle stand out the better; for it was thus necessary that Papa Good God should give his people in the desert one million three hundred and seventy-three thousand one hundred and ten more pairs of shoes, not to speak of the tunics! Besides, St. Justin, in his dialogue with Trypho, maintains that not only did the garments of the Hebrews not wear out at all in their march of forty years in sun and rain, and in sleeping on the hard ground, but that those of the children grew with them and widened marvellously in proportion as they advanced in age. And St. Jerome adds in an epistle (the 38th) these very words: « In vain did the barbers learn their art; they used it not during forty years in the desert, because the hair and the nails of the Israelites grew not. » (Letter of St. Jerome to Pammachius against John of Jerusalem, 32) If, after that, you are not convinced?... A recommendation which will astonish nobody: « Take good heed to have care of your priests, during all the time that ye shall live upon earth. » (Deuteronomy 12:19) « When ye shall fight your enemies, if God deliver them into your hands, and if ye see, among your captives, some beautiful woman inspiring your love, then he to whom she shall be pleasing shall lead her away into his house; she shall shave her hair and shall cut her nails, and she shall undress herself entirely, for she must keep upon her none of the garments wherewith she was taken; then, a month shall be given her to weep for her father and her mother; after which, he to whom she shall have been pleasing shall put her in his bed, shall go in unto her, and thenceforth she shall be his wife. But, if it come to pass afterwards that she please no more, her husband may send her away, on condition that she consent thereto; in any case, from the moment that an Israelite shall have lain with her, she may no more be sold. » (Deuteronomy 21:10-14) That is nice, is it not? « He shall never enter into the holy assemblies of the worship who shall be a eunuch through having had his testicles cut off, nor even he who shall have had his testicles crushed. » (Deuteronomy 23:1) No commentary! « If, on the eve of a battle, a soldier hath had in the night a voluptuous dream which hath caused him a loss of seed, he shall go forth in the morning out of the camp, and in the evening he shall wash himself with fresh water; then, he shall re-enter into the camp. » (Deuteronomy 23:10-11) Which amounts to saying that he shall take no part in the battle. Voltaire thought it useful to put forward a few reflections upon this subject: « Several military men, he writes, have said that nocturnal pollutions happened principally to vigorous young men, and that the order to remove them from the army from morning to evening was very dangerous, seeing that it is ordinarily from morning to evening that battles are given; that this order was fit only to favour cowardice; that it was easier to wash oneself in one’s tent, where one is supposed to have at least a pitcher of water, than to go outside the camp, where one might very well not find any. » Jehovah goes so far as to teach his people how it is fitting to do one’s caca in time of war (‘do one’s caca’ — fr. ‘faire caca’, the nursery-crude phrase Taxil uses throughout for this). « Ye shall have a place set apart, outside the camp, to evacuate. And, among your utensils, ye shall have a little spade; then, when ye shall wish to evacuate, ye shall go to the place set apart, ye shall dig a round hole with the little spade, and, when your evacuation shall be finished, ye shall cover with earth that which shall have come forth from your bowels. For, I, the Eternal, I shall be in the midst of your camp, to fight with you; it must not therefore be that I smell anything unclean in your camp; otherwise, I should withdraw myself from among you. » (Deuteronomy 23:12-14) This passage of the Bible calls for a particularly grave commentary. We knew already that God has hands which he uses for kneading, that he blows and that he salivates, that he has feet for walking about upon our planet when the fancy takes him; we learned just now that he has a backside and that he showed it to Moses. Now, we learn that Jehovah possesses a nose, not simply to embellish his face and to spare himself from being laughed at when he deigns to appear to humans, created in his likeness; but this nose is a real nose. Just as God eats in good earnest (remember the copious dinner at Abraham’s), so God has awarded himself from all eternity a nose which he uses for smelling, and he does not like bad odours. On the other hand, one will not fail to say to oneself that it was easy for the Almighty to spare his divine nose the breathing of disagreeable odours. What! this Hebrew people is his people, his predestined nation, and the idea did not occur to the lord Jehovah of freeing it, by a solemn exception, from the vulgar and nauseating consequences of digestion, since the smells of caca are repugnant to his sacrosanct sense of smell?... That all nourishment should profit the Israelite stomachs entirely, complete suppression of evacuation, and there, it seems to me, is an ingenious solution of the problem; if need be, the Jews would have had no arse-hole, and that would have distinguished them from the rest of humanity, better still than circumcision. Or again, if the Almighty had not wished to give his people a privilege as notable as that of the absence of an anus, if he was set upon the Hebrews going to stool as well as everybody else, it would have been easy for him, in another manner, to have no need to sniff stenches when he was in the midst of them, in their camp: as for me, if I were a god, I should quite simply have decreed that Jewish caca, in time of war, should smell of violets or any other delectable perfume: it was no cleverer than that!... It is said that a faultless sonnet is worth, by itself alone, a good poem; upon my word, I believe that verses 12, 13 and 14 of chapter 23 of Deuteronomy are worth, the three of them, more than all the psalms of David. It is of an incomparable immensity, the horizon which those three verses open to the science of the theologians; there is there, in this nose of God refractory to bad odours, unheard-of theological depths, if one will take the trouble to scrutinize, to examine and to discourse piously. Thus, I make my old friend Leo XIII judge of it, and I humbly beg him to submit to the next council this question: does the fact of the three verses in question, in which a believer is obliged to believe under pain of anathema, since they belong to the Bible, not complicate in an astonishing fashion the mystery of the Eucharist, already so complicated? In two words, during the mass, at the moment of the consecration, if the priest, in pronouncing the sacramental words, lets slip, by accident, a fart of rotten cabbage, does God come down into the host and does transubstantiation take place? Do not tell me that it is impossible for such an accident to happen. In my young days, at the collège Saint-Louis, — I am precise! — I filled a few times the office of choirboy, and it happened to me to serve the mass, notably to a holy man, the abbé Jourdan, who was of a very windy temperament. Was it the beans of the college that produced this effect upon him? I incline to believe so, in his discharge. Be that as it may, I remember that one morning, at the moment when, kneeling behind him, I was raising the hem of his chasuble, while shaking the bell, truly! it was past all bearing, so furiously did the intestinal artillery of the holy man go off, and no doubt much against his will. The worthy abbé Jourdan is still living; he is a canon, in my native diocese; whether he be cured or not of his crepitant infirmity, the question must evidently interest him more than anyone. And so, when it is examined by the council which I solicit, I shall make it a pleasure to offer him his travelling expenses, were it only to prove to him that I bear him no grudge for the infecting quarters of an hour which he formerly made me pass. So then, in the time of my childhood, I attached to the windy accidents of an officiating priest only the importance of a bad odour inflicted upon my human nose. But, today when I leaf carefully through the sacred Bible and plunge devoutly into the bosom of its sublime splendours, the three verses of Deuteronomy, remaining too much unnoticed until now, stimulate my zeal and have made me understand that I had a great duty to fulfil, in raising the grave and necessary question of the sacerdotal fart let slip by an officiant (‘fart’ — fr. ‘vesse’, a silent and stinking one) at the moment when he pronounces the words: « This is my body, this is my blood. » Nobody is ignorant that at that very instant the Most High becomes like the mackerel, as it is cried in the streets of Paris, that is to say: « He is coming! he is coming!... » Better still, God then realizes, better than the said mackerel, the announcement of the fishwife, seeing that she exaggerates in adding: « He is asking to be fried! » The truth is that the mackerel no more asks to be fried than the eel asks to be skinned alive; it is humans who attribute these requests to them, upon which these unfortunate fishes were never consulted. On the contrary, as regards the Most High Jehovah (and Co.), not only does he arrive in the host all at once, but he really asks to be guzzled, he does!... That is the Eucharist. Consequently, as it is inadmissible that the New Testament should be in contradiction with the Old Testament, of which Deuteronomy forms part, as these two Testaments are, the one as well as the other, the work of the Holy Ghost, it appears with a most limpid logic that God, whose horror of stenches is a fact of absolute certainty, must evidently have to have his ear pulled (‘have his ear pulled’ — fr. ‘se faire tirer l’oreille’, to need a great deal of coaxing) to transform himself into a wafer when he has to do with a minister with a gaseous arse-hole. Does he install himself definitively in the host, yes or no? Does he wait for the odour of the curé’s fart to pass, or else does he go back up to his paradise with more or less ill humour? There is the question of general interest which my fervour candidly puts to my holy mother the Church. One sees it, nothing is graver; for, if, in the case in question, the hosts which the crepitating curé is preparing to distribute to the faithful are only a common bread, without even a hair of Sabaoth’s beard inside, the communicants are robbed, by Jove!... And suppose a believer who is counting upon this communion, with plenary indulgence applicable, in order to draw his mother-in-law out of purgatory, calculate, I beg you, the immensity of the disaster!... Come, holy father, a council quickly, if you please! Let us not close the chapters of Deuteronomy, which contain the divine ordinances, without citing this one as well: « When men shall have a quarrel together, one against the other, if the wife of the one approach to deliver her husband from him who is beating him, and if then, putting forth her hand, she seize the latter by the testicles, the hand of this woman shall be cut off. » (Deuteronomy 25:11-12) Excellent Jehovah! he foresaw everything!... He declared further to Moses that his compatriots, after their entry into the Promised Land, should assign two mountains to a rather curious use: upon one, named Gerizim, the people should be blessed; upon the other, named Ebal, all sorts of maledictions should be pronounced (Deuteronomy 27). As for the threats of Jehovah, here are a few samples, extracted from chapter 28: « If ye will not hearken unto the voice of the Eternal your God, the Eternal shall send you ruin in all the affairs that ye shall undertake (v. 20); the Eternal shall smite you with languor and with fever (v. 22); the Eternal shall overwhelm you with hæmorrhoids, with scab and with itch, whereof ye shall not be able to be healed (v. 27)... When ye shall marry, another shall lie with your wife (v. 30); your ass shall be taken from you and shall not be given back to you (v. 31); the Eternal shall make you have a very malignant ulcer which shall gnaw your knees, as well as your thighs (v. 35); ye shall be a subject of mockery for all the peoples (v. 37); ye shall sow much grain in your fields, and ye shall have but very meagre harvests (v. 38)... There shall be born to you sons and daughters, but they shall not be yours (v. 41) ; the stranger shall lend to you upon usury, and ye shall not lend to him upon usury (v. 44)... The Eternal shall bring from a far country, and from the extremities of the earth, a people whose language ye shall not understand, and which shall have pity neither on your old men nor on your children: that people shall eat your fruits, the young of your beasts, and it shall leave you neither corn, nor wine, nor oil (v. 49-51)... Ye shall eat your own children, as well the flesh of your daughters as that of your sons (v. 53); the most tender and most delicate man among you shall look with a dry eye upon his brother and his well-beloved wife and shall refuse to give them to eat of the flesh of his children, which he shall eat all alone (v. 54-55); the most tender mother shall take her child scarcely born, shall eat it in secret, and shall look with a dry eye upon her well-beloved husband (v. 56-57). » Of all the penalties with which Jehovah threatens his people, not one is a spiritual chastisement. The people of God therefore knew only temporal penalties; it is well to remark it, observing moreover that nowhere, in the Old Testament, is there question of hell or of purgatory. If God, as has been seen, concerned himself with the excrement of the Jews, on the other hand he had hardly any care for their souls, to such a point that these words « immortality of the soul » are not found in any place in the sacred books upon which the Christians have grafted their religion. After the threats comes a historical fragment (!): Moses, aged a hundred and twenty years, resigns his charge in favour of Joshua, to the keen displeasure of the high priest Eleazar, and confides to Joshua the mission of conducting the Hebrews to the land of Canaan. We shall spare the reader a canticle sung by Moses bidding farewell to his compatriots, as well as the blessings which he pronounces upon each of the tribes of Israel. Finally, the extraordinary biblical hero, obeying a divine order, climbs Mount Nebo, where he knows he is going to die, and whence he can, before entering into his agony, contemplate the Promised Land. 120. Moses institutes Joshua his successor. The Church has decided, after the Synagogue, that the Pentateuch is the work of Moses; upon this point, Jews and Christians are fully in agreement. Do not go and tell the pope that the five books of which Deuteronomy is the last were written by another than the son-in-law of Jethro; if you had the audacity to insinuate that, you would be excommunicated. These five books, teach the theologians, who will not budge from it, were written by Moses from the first line to the last, under the inspiration of the divine pigeon. A common book, a purely human book would therefore stop at the ascent of Moses, climbing Mount Nebo; at a pinch, the great man might write as a conclusion: « I feel that I am going; now I lay down my pen, for I am on the point of dying; n, i, ni — finished. » Now, Moses, in his quality of sacred writer, could not stop there. He therefore took care to record, in his last chapter, his death, the fact of his burial, the mourning of the people, and he had the amiability to address to himself a little posthumous eulogy. « Thus, Moses, servant of the Eternal, died there (upon Mount Nebo), in the land of Moab, according to what the Eternal had said (Deuteronomy 34:5); and the Eternal buried him in the valley, over against Beth-peor, and no one hath known unto this day where his tomb was (v. 6). Now, when he died at a hundred and twenty years, Moses had still very good sight, and his vigour was not passed (v. 7); and the children of Israel wept for Moses thirty days, in the plains of Moab (v. 8). And Joshua, son of Nun, was filled with wisdom, for Moses had laid his hands upon him; and the children of Israel obeyed him from then on (v. 9). And there hath never risen up in Israel a prophet so holy as Moses, and to whom God hath permitted, as to him, to see him face to face (v. 10). » Some reader will shake his head, after having seen these lines; it will seem to him that they prove that Moses is a stranger to their drafting. Error, my friend! The theologians will tell you that this is the very style of Moses, and that, besides, in all the preceding chapters, he never employed the first person, but always the third, when he spoke of himself. Nothing to reply, when the Church has pronounced. Now, the quite settled opinion of the Church is set forth by Mgr Paul Guérin, in these terms: « The Pentateuch is the collective name of the first five books of the Bible. Moses is the author of the Pentateuch. The Pentateuch is authentic, and its authenticity is as certain as that of the most authentic books, as certain as the very existence of Moses (indeed!...); one cannot refuse to hold as authentic a book whose authenticity has in its favour the public and constant faith of a nation whose history, worship and legislation it describes, above all if this book presents the characters of the antiquity attributed to it, and if it is moreover impossible that it should have been supposititious, that is to say written by another than he whose name it bears. Now, such is the Pentateuch: the public and constant faith of the Jewish nation, the characters of antiquity which one remarks in this book, the impossibility of a supposition, everything demonstrates its authenticity. Moses wrote the Pentateuch under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. » (Dictionary of dictionaries, Catholic encyclopedia, volume V, page 690) Let us bow, my brethren, and be astonished at nothing any more. CHAPTER 8 The exploits of Joshua and of Gideon Here then is Joshua raised upon the shield and proclaimed supreme chief of the Hebrews. At once, Papa Good God, to put heart into his belly (‘put heart into his belly’ — fr. ‘donner du cœur au ventre’, to hearten someone, to put courage into them), appeared to him and lavished good promises upon him: « Rise up, pass the Jordan, thou and all the people with thee, to enter into the country which I give to the children of Israel. Ye shall possess all the countries whereon ye shall have set the sole of your feet. Your frontiers shall be from the desert and Lebanon unto the great river of the Euphrates, and all the country of the Hittites shall belong to you also, unto the great sea, towards the setting sun. None shall be able to resist thee, so long as thou shalt live; for I will not forsake thee. Fortify thyself therefore and take courage. » (Book of Joshua 1:2-6) 121. Joshua proclaimed chief of the Hebrews. It was not the first time, since the departure from Egypt, that Jehovah recalled what he had sworn to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Ah! what an immense empire was that which he had engaged himself, by oath, to give to his people! All the lands comprised between the peninsula of Sinai, the Mediterranean and the Euphrates, this empire would have been greater than that of Assyria. But then, what a bankruptcy of these solemn engagements! The Jews never had anything but a miserable territory. That Euphrates so much promised, they knew it not as proprietors, but as captives. Their great river was never anything but the poor Jordan. What did the successor of Moses do following the exhortations of Jehovah? « Joshua sent secretly from Shittim two spies. These departed, entered into the city of Jericho, and passed the night with a woman named Rahab, who was a prostitute. » (Joshua 2:1) 122. Two spies are sent to Jericho. The Christian translations of the Bible qualify dame Rahab as an innkeeper; now, the original Hebrew text bears zonah, a word which signifies well and truly a prostitute, a woman of debauchery, living by her charms. Why this inexactitude of translation? Might it not be because the aforesaid Rahab figures, in the Gospel (genealogy given by St. Matthew 1:5), among the ancestresses of Jesus Christ?... « The king of Jericho, having been warned, sent unto Rahab, and it was said to this prostitute: Bring forth the two men who are entered into thy house; for they are spies come to examine the country. But this woman hid them and answered: They went out, whilst the gates of the city were being shut, and I know not whither they are gone. » (v. 2-5) 123. The police of Jericho at Rahab’s. After the departure of the police, Rahab made a pact with the two spies. She informed them that the people of the country, knowing the marvels of the departure from Egypt, had an atrocious fear of the Jewish army. 124. Rahab makes a pact with the two spies. As for them, they gave her a distinctive sign to put on her house, and they promised her that, at the future taking of Jericho, this sign would cause her to be excepted from the massacre. This pact concluded, the two spies escaped by the window, the house of Rahab being situated close beside the very walls of the city. (Joshua 2:9-21) 125. The escape of the spies. The critics ask why, God having sworn to Joshua that he would always be with him, Joshua nevertheless took the precaution of sending spies to a girl of pleasure. What need, says Voltaire, had he of this wretched creature, when God had promised him his succour with his own mouth; when he was sure that God was fighting for him, and when he was at the head of an army of six hundred thousand men, of whom he detached, according to the sacred text, forty thousand to go and take the village of Jericho, which was never fortified, the peoples of that country not yet knowing fortified places, and Jericho being in a valley where it is impossible to make a tenable stronghold? — Of Jericho, which is at the foot of Mount Karantal, there remain today only a few poor huts, sheltering about 300 inhabitants; the guides for the use of tourists inform us that the morality of the women of this township is still on a level with that of their glorious ancestress Rahab. On the subject of this girl Rahab, the Benedictine dom Calmet has discussed whether or not she was guilty of a lie, in saying that the Jewish spies had departed, when they were in her house; he maintains that she thus accomplished a very good action. « Being informed, writes this theologian, of the design of God, who wished to destroy the Canaanites and to deliver their country to the Hebrews, she could not resist it without falling into the crime of rebellion with regard to God; moreover, she was persuaded of the just pretensions of God, and of the injustice of the Canaanites; thus she could take no course either more equitable or more conformable to the laws of wisdom. » The learned Fréret answered that, if that were so, the prostitute Rahab would then have been inspired by God himself, as well as Joshua; which would be very strange. It seems rather, says he, that this Rahab, by her abominable crime of treason towards her country to the profit of the spies of a barbarous people, was an infamous creature who deserved the last penalty. But let us not insist, and let us continue. Joshua ordered a march against Jericho; for that, the Jordan had first to be crossed. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant marched at the head of the people; they entered boldly into the water, like men quite certain that a miracle could not fail to occur. Scarcely were their feet wetted when the upper waters of the river stopped, as if an invisible dyke had suddenly risen up, and accumulated in a formidable manner in height, while the lower waters, following their ordinary course, left the bed of the Jordan dry. And the priests remained in the middle of the river until all the Jewish people had passed. In memory of the miracle, twelve great stones were heaped up beside the Jordan. Then, once the bearers of the ark of the covenant had reached the right bank, the waters resumed their habitual course (Joshua 3, 4). On learning of these marvels, the kings of the various peoples of the region, as far as the shores of the Mediterranean, « felt their heart melt » and were discouraged in the highest degree. Meanwhile, Papa Good God remarked to Joshua that, since the departure from Egypt, circumcision had no longer been practised. Why this forgetfulness? the Bible does not say; it confines itself to informing us of the fact, all at once. None of the males who had been born in the desert had undergone the little operation which we know of. Now, the totality of the Hebrew people then exceeded four millions of persons of both sexes; that therefore made approximately two millions of males, of every age. One can thus imagine the fantastic quantity of foreskins which were cut off, by order of Joshua, and one is not astonished that their heap made a veritable hill; the sacred author calls it « mountain of the foreskins ». Fourteen days afterwards, the Hebrews kept the Passover and had enough wheat to make themselves bread; from then on, the manna, being no longer necessary, ceased (Joshua 5). In conformity with the divine instructions, the Israelite army made the round of Jericho, for six days in succession, the soldiers marching gravely and the priests playing their musical instruments; the besieged were astounded at this manner of fighting them, but they did not surrender. 126. First round of the Hebrews about Jericho. On the seventh day, again according to the prescriptions of Jehovah, the circular promenade was executed once more, this time with another louder music, accompanied by a great shout uttered by all the people, and then the ramparts of the city fell down. 129. The walls of Jericho fall down. Joshua ordered everything to be massacred, « from the man unto the woman, from the child unto the old man, even unto the ox, the small cattle and the ass ». The prostitute Rahab alone was spared, with her relatives to whom she had given asylum in her house. « After which, the Hebrews, having taken the gold and the silver for the treasury of the Lord, burned the city and all that was therein. » (Joshua 6) 130. Massacre of the inhabitants of Jericho This carnage inspired lord Bolingbroke with these reflections, which are found in his works published by the poet David Mallet, his friend: « Is it possible, wrote the great minister of the kingdom of England, that God, the father of all men, should himself have conducted a barbarian whom the most ferocious cannibal would not wish to resemble? Great gods! to come from an unknown desert to massacre a whole unknown city! to slaughter the women and the children, against all the laws of nature! to slaughter all the animals! to burn the houses and the furniture, against all the laws of good sense, at a time when one has neither houses nor furniture! to spare only a vile w.... worthy of the last penalty! If this tale were not the most absurd of all, it would be the most abominable. Only a drunken thief can have written it, and a drunken imbecile believe it. » Let us not forget that the author of these reflections was one of the most eminent statesmen of the English nation; minister of Foreign Affairs, lord Bolingbroke was the instigator and the true author of the famous treaty of Utrecht, which at last put a term to the long and bloody wars of the reign of Louis XIV; one may say that, by this great work, the pride of his life, he gave peace back to Europe, and that in conditions satisfactory to all the powers. It is useful to recall the glory of this good man who honours humanity and who employed his genius in stopping the slaughter of peoples; that is necessary, in order to shut the mouths of the fanatics who might be tempted to treat the citation which has just been read as the impious rambling of some obscure scribbler. It is lord Bolingbroke who passed this judgment upon the Bible: « It would be to offend God and men to discuss seriously this wretched tissue of fables, in which there is not a word which is not either the height of the ridiculous or the height of horror. » According to the sacred author, the taking and sack of Jericho had for result a general conspiracy against Israel. Seeing the expeditious fashion in which the Hebrews understood conquest, the kings who governed the region said to themselves that they must exterminate these invaders, under pain of being exterminated by them; they therefore leagued themselves together and held a council where great resolutions were taken (Joshua 9). 131. Five kings conspire against the Hebrews. However, they had not thought of a slight detail, which had indeed its importance: it is that God was with Joshua. The lord Jehovah put terror into their army, and « Joshua inflicted upon them a terrible defeat near Gibeon; he pursued them by the road of Beth-horon, continuing to smite them unto Azekah and even unto Makkedah » (Joshua 10:10). Better still, father Sabaoth, piqued in his self-esteem, took part in the combat himself: « Whilst the fugitives were running upon the road of Beth-horon, the Eternal cast upon them, from the height of heaven, great stones, as far as Azekah, and they died thereof; there were more of those who perished under the hail of stones than of those whom the Israelites killed with the sword » (v. 11). 132. God fights for his people by raining stones upon the enemy army. But Joshua found that his victory was not yet complete enough. « Then, Joshua said in the presence of all the children of Israel: Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon, and thou, moon, stand still in the valley of Aijalon. And the sun stood still, and the moon also, until the people had finished the carnage. The sun, which was in the midst of the heavens, stopped therefore and hasted not to set, about a whole day. Never was day, neither before, nor after, so long as that one » (Joshua 10:12-14). 133. Joshua stops the sun. In reading this narrative, one is astonished that after the rain of stones Joshua should still have had recourse to the great miracle of stopping the sun and the moon. The text says that the star of day was at full noon; it seems therefore that one would have had time to kill all the fugitives from noon until evening on that road of Beth-horon, supposing that the celestial stones had missed a few of them. It is true that the theologians will perhaps tell us that a certain number of these fugitives ran so fast that more than six or seven hours were necessary to catch them up. As for the physicists, they have not yet been able to explain how the sun, which does not move, stopped its course, nor how this day, which was double the other days, could be reconciled with the movement of the planets and the regularity of eclipses. This magnificent miracle of Joshua has provoked many a merry laugh and earns us a few anecdotes. There is related, notably, that of a disciple of Galileo, who had been brought before the Inquisition for having maintained the movement of the earth about the sun. His sentence was being read to him; it said that he had blasphemed, seeing that Joshua had stopped the sun, and that consequently it is that star which moves, and not the earth. « Eh! my lords, answered the accused, it is no doubt since that time that the sun no longer moves! » The army which had just been annihilated in this disaster had at its head five kings; these had escaped the rain of divine pebbles and the sword of the Jewish soldiers. How so? They had taken refuge in a cavern, at Makkedah (Joshua 10:16). Joshua, learning of the thing, quickly gave the order to roll great stones to the entrance of the cavern (Joshua 10:18). Here are the five kings caught like rats in a trap. Thereupon, Joshua betook himself to Makkedah, had the great stones which closed the cavern removed, and the five monarchs were obliged to come out. Then, the captains were called, and Joshua said to them: « Now, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. » After which, Joshua began by striking them with great blows, and then he killed them, and he had their corpses hung upon five gibbets, where they remained until evening; finally, the corpses were replaced in the cavern, closed up again by means of great stones. The sacred author adds gravely: « The bodies of these five kings are still there. » (v. 22-27) Joshua continued his exploits. « He ravaged all the country, the mountains and the plains; he killed all the kings and had them all hanged; he killed everything that had life, as the Lord had commanded him » (Joshua 10:40). — « He pursued all the kings who remained, and his carnage was such that nothing escaped thereof; he burned the chariots, he cut the hamstrings of the horses everywhere. And when he was at Hazor, which had been a great capital, he killed the king thereof, he cut the throats of all the inhabitants and all the beasts; and he reduced all to ashes. » (Joshua 11:8-11) — « Joshua made war several years against all those kings. » (v. 18) — « He marched also against the giants of the mountains and exterminated them (v. 21); and he left none of the race of the giants, except in Gaza, Gath and Ashdod. » (v. 22) — « And he had hanged in all thirty and one kings. » (Joshua 12:24) My word! thirty-one kings hanged! That is a great many in a country seven or eight leagues in extent!... Once the populations of the Promised Land had undergone a complete squashing, the Hebrews found themselves masters; there remained for them nothing but to share out the region. That is what they did. From chapter 13 to chapter 21 inclusively, the book of Joshua indicates minutely the territory which was assigned to each tribe; there is there a formidable enumeration of cities. One will have an approximate idea of it in knowing that the tribe of Judah, for its share, received a hundred and twenty-four cities, without counting the villages; all the names of these cities are expressly cited (Joshua 15:20-63). As for the Levites, they received forty-eight cities, of which six were called cities of refuge (Joshua 20, 21). It was, moreover, Jehovah himself who had fixed the figure: « The Levites, he had stipulated, shall have forty-eight cities, scattered in the territories of the twelve tribes; they shall dwell in these cities, and the suburbs of these cities shall be for their beasts, for their goods and for all their animals. Moreover, the suburbs of the Levitical cities shall be of a thousand cubits round about, from the wall of the city outward. » (Numbers 35) The six cities of refuge were destined to serve as asylum for homicides having committed a murder without premeditation. 134. Division of the land of Canaan among twelve tribes. Lord Bolingbroke considers that these passages of the Bible can only have been composed by a greedy and barbarous Levite, writing in times of anarchy. Here is how this philosopher formulates his opinion: « Never did the Jewish people, in its greatest prosperities, have forty-eight walled cities. It is not even believed that Herod, their only truly powerful king, possessed them. Jerusalem, in the time of David, was the only habitation of the Jews which deserved the name of city; but it was then a hovel which could not have sustained a siege of four days. It was well fortified only by Herod. In reality, the Levites had no other possessions than the tithe, and the little Israelite people had no city, either under Joshua or under the Judges. The long enumeration which one finds in the book of Joshua is nothing but a long and ridiculous falsehood. How could this minuscule people, wandering and vagabond until Saul, have given forty-eight cities to its priests, it which was seven times reduced to slavery, by its own avowal? The forging Levite who wrote these proud stupidities claims further that six cities of refuge for homicides were put into the power of the priests; there is a fine encouragement to the greatest crimes. One does not know which ought to revolt one more, the absurdity which makes forty-eight cities be given to priests in a desert, or six cities of refuge in that same desert to attract all the scoundrels there! » At the lowest estimate, the famous partition, accomplished with so much care under the direction of Joshua, comprises about six hundred cities for the whole of the Israelite tribes. No small matter!... And note that the region measures two degrees of longitude in its greatest breadth, and two degrees and a half of latitude in its greatest length, at the epoch when Jewish power attained the apogee of its expansion, that is to say not at all in the time of Joshua. The partition effected, Joshua saw his mission ended; and so he died... at a hundred and ten years (Joshua 24:29). He had exterminated everything; the chapters of his book repeat to satiety that his incessant victories left not a living being. Now then, hold tight, reader! After the death of Joshua, we are going to find again all these exterminated enemies more powerful than ever, and holding the Jews in the harshest slavery, until the time of Saul and of David. In fact, the book of Judges, — the one which immediately follows the book of Joshua, — shows us, from the first chapter, the tribes of Judah and of Simeon at war against ten thousand Canaanites, governed by a king, named Adonibezek. Of course, this population, which found itself there all at once one knows not how, was put to the edge of the sword. As for Adonibezek, before slaughtering him, a torture was inflicted upon him. « The descendants of Judah and of Simeon, having taken him, first cut off his hands and his feet. Then, Adonibezek said: I have caused the hands and the feet of seventy kings to be cut off, who ate under my table the remains of my dinner; Jehovah hath treated me as I have treated all those kings. » (Judges 1:6-7) This Adonibezek was therefore a powerful monarch, since he had reduced to captivity seventy kings of that region. His capital was named Bezek, according to the Bible; but this city, this terrible potentate and his kingdom have remained completely unknown to historians. That astonishes; for that immense table, under which seventy kings ate without hands, was well fitted to earn Adonibezek a considerable reputation. Be that as it may, if one adds these kings vanquished and mutilated by Adonibezek to the thirty-one exterminated by Joshua, that gives us, with Adonibezek the Cruel, a total of a hundred and two kings, and, consequently, of a hundred and two kingdoms in the land of Canaan. If one casts one’s eyes upon the geographical map and if one makes the division of this little territory, here then are kingdoms which would have had, each, scarcely half a quarter of a league; that is meagre! These hundred and two kings must have been very tightly packed in that narrow space, and it was time that the Jews should come and set such a state of things in order by substituting themselves for the Canaanites. However, Jehovah, although all-powerful, could not get the better of some of these Canaanites, who, annihilated by Joshua, had grown again, as if by enchantment, in that extraordinary region. « God was with Judah, and his descendants made themselves masters of the mountains; but they could not vanquish the inhabitants of the valleys, because these had chariots of war armed with scythes. » (Judges 1:19) The stock of great stones which master Jehovah had in his heaven was therefore exhausted? such is the reflection which one cannot fail to make. But, in pushing further the examination of this passage of the Bible, one asks oneself how these Canaanites, who had a narrow escape thanks to their war chariots, could possess such chariots, since the manoeuvring of them was impossible in that country all covered with mountains and pebbles. In fact, war chariots, armed with scythes, were invented only in the great plains which are towards the Euphrates, and it is known that it was the Babylonians and the Persians who put this invention into practice, only three centuries after Joshua. Chapters 2 and 3 of the book of Judges show us the Hebrews lacking gratitude towards Jehovah and soon punished by defeat and slavery. After the death of Joshua, our Jews had chosen themselves Judges, to govern them; this period of their history is not very brilliant. 135. Government of the Judges. « The children of Israel, forsaking the God of their fathers, Jehovah, who had drawn them out of the servitude of Egypt, prostrated themselves before the statues of Baal; they adored Baal and Ashtaroth (Judges 2:12-13). 136. The Israelites set about adoring the idols. And, as they dwelt in the midst of the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, they took their daughters for wives, they gave their daughters in marriage to the children of these peoples, and they served their gods. » (Judges 3:5-6) Let us not weary, in order the better to admire these marriages, of recalling that the army of the six hundred thousand Israelites, commanded by Joshua, had, without mercy, destroyed all the inhabitants of the region: Moses, again, sometimes had 32,000 maidens spared; but his successor left not a living being. « Jehovah, being therefore in anger against the children of Israel, delivered them into the hands of Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia, whose slaves they were during eight years » (Judges 3:8). The English critic Thomas Woolston, who paid with several years of prison for his independence in religious matters, and who exercised his verve as much against the sacred books of the Christians as against those of the Jews, declared plainly that one had to choose between the history of the Judges and that of Joshua, seeing that one or the other is mendacious, since there is a flagrant contradiction between these two holy books. It is not possible, said he, that the Hebrews should have been slaves immediately after having exterminated all the inhabitants of Canaan with an army of six hundred thousand men. Who is this Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia, who comes all at once and puts the children of Israel in chains? How did he come from so far, without anything being said of his march? The text says indeed, in truth, that it is a chastisement of the Lord for having given their daughters in marriage to the Canaanites and for having married the daughters of the latter; but it is too easy to say that when one has been vanquished, it is because one has sinned, and that when one has been victorious, it is because one has been faithful: there is no nation nor any township of savages which could not say as much. It will always be impossible to understand how a population of four millions of individuals, having six hundred thousand men-at-arms, can have been reduced to servitude in the very country which it had just conquered; just as it is impossible that this formidable horde of warriors should have annihilated all the former inhabitants, and that matrimonial alliances should afterwards have been established between the massacrers and the exterminated. This crowd of contradictions is not tenable. It is said, immediately afterwards, that at the end of eight years the judge Othniel delivered his compatriots and that the Hebrews drove out and killed this Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia; but no information is given us upon this war which must have been considerable and of which the historians, nevertheless, never heard speak. Forty years later, the Hebrews were enslaved by Eglon, king of the Moabites, although the kingdom of Moab had no longer existed for a long time; its suppression by wholesale massacre is anterior to the taking of Jericho. 137. The Israelites, enslaved, bring the tribute to king Eglon. This slavery lasted eighteen years. Ehud, son of Gera, put an end to it by means of a murderous stratagem: this Jew, having joined himself to the delegates of the people, who were bringing a present to Eglon, begged the tyrant to receive him apart in his chamber, under pretext of a few secret words which he had to say to him; Eglon, without suspicion, shut himself up with Ehud, who plunged a dagger into his belly and went away at once, without being noticed. This assassination encouraged the Jews; they revolted, and ten thousand Moabites were slaughtered. And the country was at rest for eighty years. After Ehud came Shamgar, « who killed six hundred Philistines with a ploughshare » and who also delivered Israel (Judges 3:11-31). 138. Ehud immolates king Eglon. The Hebrews were again slaves of a certain Jabin, king of Canaan. Fortunately, a venerable prophetess, who sang canticles under a palm tree between Ramah and Bethel, Mme Deborah, summoned to her the sieur Barak, inflamed his courage, as well as that of ten thousand soldiers of the tribes of Zebulun and Naphtali, and went to war with them. The troops of Jabin, commanded by the general Sisera, were cut to pieces at their first encounter with those of Barak and Deborah. 139. The prophetess Deborah calls the Hebrews to liberty. The general, in his flight, took refuge with Heber, whom the sacred author tells us to be « a Kenite living in peace with king Jabin ». Now, Heber had a wife, the amiable Jael, to whom Jehovah breathed an inspiration. It is Jael herself who offered asylum to Sisera. « She came to meet him and said unto him: My lord, withdraw thyself into our house, and fear not. And she hid him. As he was thirsty and asked water to drink, she gave him milk. Sisera prayed her to keep herself at the entrance of the tent; then, he fell into a deep sleep. Then, Jael took a very long nail, and a hammer likewise, came in quite softly, and pierced through his temple with that nail, which sank down into the ground; and the general died. Now, Barak having arrived afterwards, Jael showed him Sisera stretched out dead, saying: Behold him whom thou seekest. » As for king Jabin, he was not long in being massacred, and the prophetess Deborah sang one of her finest canticles (Judges 4, 5). 140. Jael, inspired by God, kills the general Sisera. In spite of Ehud, Deborah and Jael, the tribulations of the Hebrews were not over. This time, it was the Midianites (more ghosts, these) who made it their task to persecute them. The unfortunate children of Jacob, without being properly speaking in a state of slavery, were exposed to every vexation: when they had sown and long laboured in the hope of an abundant harvest, the Midianites took a malicious pleasure in running upon their fields, with innumerable camels, and the harvests were lost; they pinched from them oxen, asses and small cattle; they spoiled the fruits of their orchards; the unfortunate Jews were reduced to digging themselves caverns in the mountains to preserve their persons from the thousand and one wickednesses of these frenzied persecutors (Judges 6:1-6). 141. The wicked Midianites persecute the children of Israel. These annoyances had lasted seven years when Papa Good God, having at last pity on his people, resolved to raise up a new hero. And, in order that the example might be more striking, he made choice of a puny young fellow, by the name of Gideon, who was so weakly that he had all the trouble in the world to work at his father’s winepress. One fine morning, then, « an angel of the Lord came to Ophrah and sat down under an oak which belonged to Joash, chief of the family of Abiezer and father of Gideon; and the angel said unto the young man: Behold, now thou art very strong and very valiant, because the Eternal is with thee » (Judges 6:11-12). 142. Young Gideon is remarkable for his muscular weakness. Gideon did not dare take the angel at his word, above all when he learned that it was he who should deliver Israel from the yoke of the Midianites. « If the Eternal grant me this grace, said he, wherefore wouldst thou not convince me of it by some marvellous sign? But permit me to offer thee something, and, I pray thee, go not away, whilst I go to seek thee something to eat. The angel answered: It is well, I will remain here until thou return. Gideon, being then gone back into his house, caused a kid and cakes to be cooked in all haste; he put the flesh into a basket and the broth into a pot; then, he brought the whole under the oak and offered it to the angel. But the angel said unto him: Thou seest that stone which is there quite near; place thereon the flesh and the cakes, and pour the broth thereupon. Gideon obeyed. Then, the angel stretched forth his rod upon the kid and the cakes; at that very instant, flames came forth from the rock; the flesh, the cakes and the broth were consumed, and suddenly the angel disappeared. » (v. 17-21) 143. An angel transforms Gideon into a strong man. Thereupon, Gideon called upon ten of the best servants of his father, and, by night, he went and demolished the altar of Baal and cut down the trees of a grove consecrated to the gods of the Midianites; with this wood he constructed a pyre upon which he sacrificed a bull to Jehovah (Judges 6:27-21). Great was the anger of the inhabitants of Ophrah when they saw the altar of Baal demolished and the grove cut down. Now, Joash not having been willing to deliver up his son to them, a violent anger seized all the enemies of the Hebrews; and all the Midianites, and all the Amalekites, and all the eastern peoples assembled, crossed the Jordan and came and camped in the valley of Jezreel (Judges 6:29-33). But God clothed Gideon with arms (Judges 6:34). 146. Gideon overturns the idols. Will you believe it? Gideon was still asking himself whether Jehovah had really chosen him to give a hiding to the enemies of Israel. When he had convoked the tribes of Manasseh, of Asher, of Zebulun and of Naphtali, upon whom he believed he could best count, he begged God to work a miracle which should demonstrate, without possible error, the protection of which he was the object. (Judges 6:35) 144. God explains to Gideon that he has designs upon him. « And Gideon said unto God: If thou must truly deliver Israel by my hand, as thou hast said, hearken well unto me; I am going to put upon a large flat stone the fleece of a sheep; and if the dew fall only upon the fleece, the rest remaining dry, that shall be the mark that thou wilt deliver Israel by my hand. And the thing happened as Gideon had asked it: for, on the morrow, at dawn, in spite of the morning dew, the stone had remained dry, whilst the fleece was so far moist that in pressing it Gideon made a cupful of dew-water come forth from it. Gideon said again unto God: Be not angry if I solicit of thee a new miracle for proof of the reality of my mission; it is the last time that I address thee such a demand. I pray thee, permit me to make yet one trial with this fleece, and this time let the fleece be dry all alone in the midst of the moist earth. And God did that night as Gideon had asked: the fleece was dry, and the earth round about was moist with the dew. » (Judges 6:35-40) 145. Miracle of the damp fleece. What famous miracles are there! How fine it is, the holy Bible! Are you not transported with admiration?... The noise of these great miracles having spread through Israel, the whole people wished to come and fight with Gideon. But this enthusiasm did not last long; for, the hero having said in a proclamation: « Let those who are timid return unto their homes! » ten thousand men only remained with him, all the others having profited by the permission to clear off. 147. The angels arm Gideon. Now, Papa Good God judged that these ten thousand were still too many, and, on his counsel, here is how Gideon made choice of the handful of brave men who alone were to accompany him against the enemy: he made the ten thousand soldiers go down to the neighbouring river, invited them to drink the water direct, and while they drank, Gideon observed his ten thousand warriors with a great attention. In fact, « the Eternal had said unto Gideon: Whosoever shall lap the water with his tongue, as the dog lappeth, thou shalt set him apart; and thou shalt set apart also all those who shall bow down upon their knees to drink. And the number of those who lapped the water after the manner of dogs was three hundred; and all the others bowed down upon their knees. Then, the Eternal said unto Gideon: It is by those who have lapped the water like the dogs that I will deliver Israel, and I will deliver the Midianites into thy victorious hands; and now, let all the people go away, each one to his own home! » (Judges 7:5-7) Gideon therefore retained his three hundred lappers, certain that he had at last some tough rabbits. (‘lappers’ and ‘tough rabbits’ — fr. plays on ‘lapeur’, one who laps, and ‘un rude lapin’, literally a tough rabbit, meaning a hardy fellow) The camp of the Midianites was below, in the valley. Now, attention! do not lose a line of the account of these new biblical exploits; you are going to see that Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, Napoleon were mere boiled turnips beside Gideon, captain of Sabaoth. The hero divided his three hundred lappers into three bands. He gave each one a trumpet, an earthen vessel and a lamp. « With that, cried he, we shall gain a great victory. Lose me not out of sight, and do exactly what I shall do; when I shall have arrived at the end of the enemy camp, ye shall imitate me in everything. Have confidence! The battle shall be won at the sound of these trumpets and with a cry, remember it well: The sword of the Eternal and of Gideon! » (Judges 7:7-18) 148. Gideon assembles the Israelites and explains his plan to them. He waited for night. Then, he went down with his three hundred lappers towards the Midianite camp. They slipped silently into the outposts, just as the second watch had been set. Then, each having put and lighted his lamp in the earthen vessel, Gideon and his soldiers suddenly sounded their trumpets, while breaking their pots with a crash (some translators write: their pitchers), with an accompaniment of clamours in which dominated the cry given as the watchword. The Midianites, awakened with a start, were terrified by this din of trumpets and above all by these three hundred broken pots, and, understanding nothing of these lamps which the Israelites were waving while vociferating, they killed one another almost to a man (Judges 7:16-28). 149. The Midianites are surprised in their camp. One has further on the reckoning of this massacre; two Midianite generals, Oreb and Zeeb, were killed by men of the tribe of Ephraim, while they were fleeing towards the Jordan, and two kings, named Zebah and Zalmunna, were overtaken at Karkor and slaughtered by Gideon in person. The sacred text says expressly: « Zebah and Zalmunna were able to reach Karkor, and they were there with fifteen thousand men of troops, that is to say those who had survived of all the army of the eastern peoples; for there were a hundred and twenty thousand men, drawing the sword, who had fallen dead. » (Judges 8:10) We learn therefore thereby that there were a hundred and thirty-five thousand Midianites, Amalekites and other Orientals camped in the valley of Jezreel; this camp was, consequently, of a considerable extent. Now, the camp of an army of a hundred thousand men occupies, ordinarily, a square league of surface; that is the calculation of canon Rohrbacher, when he speaks of the Israelite encampments in the desert (Universal History of the Catholic Church, volume 1, page 182); and a square league is equivalent to sixteen hundred hectares; whence one must conclude that the Midiano-Amalekite camp of Jezreel occupied two thousand two hundred hectares, at the lowest estimate, and that the exterior line of the perimeter had an extent of about twenty-one kilometres. Let us not forget that the soldiers of Gideon scarcely penetrated into the outposts and remained in place: « they stood, each one in his place, around the camp » (v. 21); the text is precise. Thus, to surround the camp, the three hundred lappers were necessarily thinly spread out, with a distance of seventy metres between each of them. And this took place at night! How, at that distance, could they see one another and all together imitate Gideon breaking his earthen pot? What a poor effect must in reality have been that of three hundred pitchers broken along a circular line of twenty-one kilometres! Three hundred men, entering a camp in a compact phalanx, would produce only a very piteous effect upon a surface of two thousand two hundred hectares; with all the more reason, if they were scattered and remained upon the exterior line, the result would be absolutely nil. That is why the stratagem of Gideon means nothing whatever in this story; if it succeeded, there truly is the miracle; it was necessary that Sabaoth should have made three hundred trumpets produce the din of thirty thousand, that he should have more than centupled the noise of the broken pitchers, that he should have given the cries of the lappers a formidable multiplication by supernatural echoes of which the Bible says nothing. Reduced to its own terms, the narrative of the divine pigeon is an improbable, impossible and grotesque hoax. Be that as it may, following this feat of arms without precedent, Gideon became extremely popular throughout Israel, and his compatriots offered him the royalty; but the hero, as modest as he was practical, refused the sovereign honours, adding however: « I prefer that ye give me, each of you, the golden rings of your booty. » And the weight of the gold rings which he thus received was « a thousand seven hundred shekels of gold » (Judges 8:22-26). 150. Gideon refuses the royalty. The sacred author next informs us that Gideon, being a polygamist, had seventy children; moreover, by a concubine living at Shechem, he had a boy, named Abimelech, who soon made himself talked about, in a not very brotherly fashion (Judges 8:30-31). Abimelech, in a single day, cut the throats « upon one same stone » of sixty-nine of his brothers; one only, the young Jotham, escaped this butchery, having hidden himself while Abimelech was hacking up his numerous family (Judges 9:5). 151. Abimelech slaughters sixty-nine of his brothers. The Shechemites, very proud of their compatriot, the bastard of Gideon, proclaimed him king; but, at the end of three years, Abimelech had ceased to please, and revolts multiplied, fomented by a certain Gaal. Abimelech seized the revolted city and massacred the people; the chiefs of the insurrection having assembled in the tower of Shechem, he blockaded it and burned this fort in a gigantic bonfire. 152. Burning of the tower of Shechem. He besieged, a little time afterwards, a city by the name of Thebez; but there he received upon his head a millstone which a woman hurled at him from the top of the citadel. This enormous stone broke his skull, as one may well think. However, Abimelech at once called the young boy who bore his arms and said to him: I am dying; but kill me at once, so that it may not be said that it was a woman who killed me. Then, to be agreeable to him, the youth ran him through (Judges 9). Abimelech, one sees, had his self-esteem. 153. Death of Abimelech. Thus ended the illustrious bastard of Gideon. After him, the Bible mentions the sieurs Tola and Jair, who were judges of Israel, the one for twenty-three years, and the other for twenty-two. CHAPTER 9 The judges Jephthah and Samson The lessons of experience profited the Jews but little in those days: they always had tendencies to abandon the worship of Jehovah for that of the other gods, and yet they knew what it cost them to adore Baal, Ashtaroth, Dagon, etc., of whom their pugnacious Sabaoth was very jealous. Having fallen back into apostasy, they were punished for it by a new servitude; this time, it is to the Ammonites that they were delivered. Here then is the sixth slavery of the Israelites, in that very country which they had conquered with an army of six hundred thousand men, in that region where Joshua had completely exterminated the first occupants. At the end of eighteen years of servitude of his people, Jehovah let himself be moved and raised up a liberator: « Jephthah, a strong and valiant man, was the son of a prostitute who had lain with Gilead. But Gilead had had of his wife other children, and these, when they were grown, drove out Jephthah as the son of an unworthy mother; and Jephthah, having established himself in the land of Tob, put himself at the head of a troop of vagabonds, with whom he roamed about pillaging on all sides. » (Judges 11:1-3) This chief of bandits was the elect of God. 155. Jephthah, chief of bandits. In all justice, it is fitting to say that Jephthah had one quality: he was an excellent father. He possessed a daughter, his only child, and one should have seen how he pampered her, how he coddled her, how he made much of her, how he covered her with jewels, how he brought her every day mountains of presents! It is true that jewels and presents did not cost him dear. 156. Jephthah has an immense affection for his daughter. His compatriots therefore applied to him to shake off the yoke of the Ammonites. He accepted and at once took the field. But, brigandage not excluding piety, Jephthah, before setting out against the Ammonites, made a vow to Jehovah to immolate to him, if he were victorious, the first person he should meet, coming from his city, on his return... 157. Jephthah, setting out for war, makes a vow. Nothing is easier for Papa Good God than to give victory to his protégés. Now, as on the one hand old Sabaoth cherished his charming little Jephthah, and as on the other hand he appreciated the sacrifice which was promised him, he decupled the strength of the Hebrew captain, and the latter cut the Ammonites to pieces. The carnage was very great, from Aroer as far as Minnith, says the Bible, and twenty cities were ravaged. 158. Complete squashing of the Ammonites But what a surprise awaited our hero when he re-entered his good city of Mizpah!... A choir of young girls, playing the flute and the tambourine, was coming to meet him to celebrate his triumph; at their head walked the very daughter of Jephthah, who knew nothing of the paternal vow, poor little doe. It was what may be called a blow from a falling tile... 159. The daughter of Jephthah comes to meet her victorious father. A brigand has nothing but his word. Besides, the girl lent herself with a good grace to the sacrifice: she asked only, and obtained, two months’ delay « to bewail her virginity »; for it was the greatest misfortune, for the girls of that nation, to die virgins. Hence it comes that there were never any nuns among the Jews. The immolation therefore took place, Jephthah himself presiding over the sacrifice, mourning in his heart and his face flooded with tears (Judges 11). Somebody, however, who was laughing like a pie (‘laughing like a pie’ — fr. ‘rigoler comme une tourte’; a ‘tourte’, a pie, is French slang for a fool, so the phrase means laughing like an idiot) and licking his chops with voluptuousness, was Jehovah. He received, say the theologians, the young child into his bosom. Old joker!... 160. Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to the Eternal. But, after this story, how could a tonsured one say that the people of God abstained from human sacrifices? As well as the Moloch of the Phoenicians and the Carthaginians, the god of the Jews, that is to say the official god of today, accepted with delight the homage of human blood, in spite of the quite natural horror which attaches to such holocausts. Jephthah did not confine himself to massacring the Ammonites; he made himself further agreeable to Jehovah by slaughtering forty-two thousand of his compatriots, who had a bad pronunciation. The people of Ephraim, it appears, pronounced sha, she, shi, instead of sa, se, si: they were the Auvergnats of the epoch, one might say. Jephthah therefore posted his soldiers in ambush at the crossing of the Jordan, and then... The sacred text must be cited, it is too fine: « When any one of those of Ephraim presented himself, saying: Let me pass; the men of Gilead questioned him in these terms: Say now Scibboleth. But the Ephraimite said Chibboleth, for he could not pronounce it as he ought. Then, seizing him, they put him to death at the passage of the Jordan. And there were thus forty-two thousand men of the tribe of Ephraim who were killed. » (Judges 12:5-6) (‘Scibboleth’ and ‘Chibboleth’ — fr. Taxil’s Bible sets the test-word ‘Scibboleth’, with the plain s the Ephraimites could not say, against their own ‘Chibboleth’ with the sh; English Bibles have the two forms the other way round, ‘Shibboleth’ against ‘Sibboleth’) 154. The massacre of Shibboleth. Jephthah was judge in Israel for six years; then he died and had for successors Ibzan, of Bethlehem; Elon, of the tribe of Zebulun, and Abdon, son of Hillel. Under the government of these, the Hebrews lived in peace. Here we have arrived at the famous Samson, the terrible among the terrible, the biblical Hercules. The Philistines, who had not made themselves much talked about until now, come seriously upon the scene and are going, for centuries, to give the people of God thread to twist (‘thread to twist’ — fr. ‘donner du fil à retordre’, to give somebody a hard time of it). These miscreants began with an enslavement of forty years; they subdued the Jews and spared them no humiliation. When Jehovah decreed that it was time to prepare the deliverance of the children of Israel, he set about it early, this time, employing an old method: he sent an angel to the sieur Manoah, of the tribe of Dan, who had a barren wife; a little after the visit of the angel, M me Manoah was with child. The angel made the mother promise that her child should never cut his hair; M me Manoah brought into the world the providential baby, M. Manoah was in a joy which I give up describing, and the child received the name of Samson (Judges 13). The fellow, from his young days, gave proof of an extraordinary strength. One day, merely while amusing himself, he killed one of the most terrible lions of the region. As soon as he was of age, he wished to marry, and, what will appear bizarre on the part of an elect of God, it is a Philistine woman whom he desired to have for a wife: his parents might well remind him that marriages with idolatrous girls were forbidden by the law of Moses, young Samson replied that there was an exception for him; he therefore married his Philistine woman. 161. Samson, as a child, kills a lion. During the wedding festivities, which lasted several days, he proposed a riddle to the young men of his wife’s family: the stake consisted of thirty shirts and thirty tunics which these would have to offer Samson if they could not manage to guess his riddle, and reciprocally. The bride, who was anxious to make her relatives win this important lot of togs, got Samson to tell her the answer to the riddle, in the evening, upon the pillow, and then taught it to the young Philistines. Samson, having thus lost his wager, had nothing left but to pay up. For this, he betook himself to Ashkelon, picked a quarrel with thirty Philistines, whom he spitted without the least difficulty, took their shirts and their tunics and gave them to the winning guessers. As for his wife, who had had the nastiness to worm the secret out of him and to betray him, she did not complete her marriage with him: they were at the seventh and last day of the wedding; the father-in-law, that evening, without warning Samson, adjudged the bride to a companion whom the young Hebrew considered as his best friend. (Judges 14) 162. Samson spits thirty Philistines. Some days afterwards, Samson, unaware that he had been replaced, and no longer bearing a grudge against his wife, betook himself to her house, carrying a kid which he wished to offer her. But, when he had arrived at the door of the chamber, he came up against the father-in-law, refusing to let him enter. « I believed, said the latter unto him, that thou hadst conceived an aversion all at once for my daughter; therefore I have given her to thy companion. But, if thou wilt have my younger daughter, thou hast but to speak. Come, is she not more beautiful than her elder sister? I pray thee, take her. — Samson answered: Well then! now, however great may be the harm that I shall do to the Philistines, I shall hold myself innocent. » (Judges 15:1-3) Here is what was the first vengeance of the elect of God: he took three hundred foxes (not one more, not one less!); « he tied them one to another by the tail, and attached torches in the middle; and, having lighted the torches, he let loose the foxes, which burned all the corn of the Philistines, as well that which was in the threshing-floor as that which was standing, and the vines and the olive trees » (Judges 15:4-5). 163. The blazing foxes. The Philistines, distressed by this fire and having learned all the causes of it, betook themselves to the house of Samson’s father-in-law and burned him alive, as well as his daughter; they imagined that the wrath of the son of Manoah would be appeased from then on. Not at all; Samson declared to them that his vengeance against all the Philistines without distinction had scarcely begun; and « he smote them back and belly (sic) and inflicted upon them a great defeat », the Bible says neither where, nor how, nor whether it was in the company of other Hebrews or all alone. Be that as it may, the situation grew worse: all the Philistines assembled and camped among the tribe of Judah, preparing to massacre everything. However, Samson had withdrawn to the rock of Etam. Three thousand men of the tribe of Judah came to find him there and overwhelmed him with reproaches, pointing out to him that they were not of a size to struggle against the Philistines, their besiegers. 164. The Israelites blockaded by the Philistines. « Well, said Samson to them, bind me solidly and deliver me to our enemies; in this way, they will leave you in peace. » It was done thus. The Philistines accepted with joy that there should be delivered up to them a fellow who gave them so much bother... 165. Samson delivered up to the Philistines. But scarcely had Samson been led away by his triumphant enemies when he broke his bonds, seized a jawbone of an ass which happened to be there upon the ground, and, armed with this improvised club, he felled the thousand Philistines who served him as guards. 166. The jawbone of an ass. After so violent an exercise, Samson felt himself somewhat tired and above all very thirsty; now, he was in a field, and not a well on the horizon. « Then, being much pressed by thirst, he cried unto the Eternal: Thou hast granted to thy servant this great deliverance; and now shall I die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised? And God, having heard Samson, clave one of the molar teeth of that jawbone of an ass, and a fountain gushed forth therefrom; and when Samson had drunk, his strength returned to him and he took courage again. » (Judges 15:18-19) 167. Samson quenches his thirst. This exploit earned him the honours of the supreme magistracy in Israel: he exercised the high functions of judge for twenty years (v. 20). It is to be remarked that Samson did not pose as a magistrate of austere morals: this elect of God frequented the brothels, in the sight and to the knowledge of everybody. One day, he had an adventure which might have turned out very badly for him; but Jehovah protected him, even in the midst of his fornications. Here is the little story: Samson always had a fancy for Philistine women; having gone to Gaza, a fortified city which belonged to the enemies of Israel, « he got himself lodged in the evening by a prostitute, with whom he lay; and the thing was known in all the city, so that the Philistines, having confidence in their gates which were shut at night, slept quietly, promising themselves to seize him at break of day and to kill him; but Samson rose at midnight and quitted the house of debauchery; then, being come to the ramparts, he tore up the gates of the city, with their hinges and their posts, loaded the whole upon his shoulders and carried them very far, unto the summit of a mountain which is over against Hebron. » (Judges 16:1-3) 168. Samson carries off the gates of Gaza Incorrigible gadabout, Samson became infatuated, one fine morning, with a new Philistine woman, named mamzelle Delilah, whose acquaintance he made while strolling on the banks of the torrent of Sorek. As soon as his enemies knew him to be hooked by the fair one, they offered her a considerable sum if she would deliver up to them her lover, as weakened as possible. 169. Delilah and Samson make acquaintance. Delilah did not go by four roads about it (‘go by four roads’ — fr. ‘n’y aller pas par quatre chemins’, to come straight to the point); she asked Samson squarely what was the secret of his strength. The fashion in which the Jewish Hercules let himself be caught in the trap is so silly that it is well, here again, to cite the divine text at full length: « Delilah, then, said unto Samson: Declare unto me, I pray thee, wherein consisteth thy great strength and wherewith thou shouldst be well bound to be tamed. — And Samson answered her: If I were bound with seven fresh cords, which were not yet dry, I should become without strength, and I should be as another man. — Then, the governors of the Philistines sent her the seven fresh cords, and she bound him therewith. — Now, she had with her, in her chamber, people who kept themselves hidden, and she said unto him: The Philistines are upon thee, Samson! But he broke the cords, as a thread of tow would break as soon as it feeleth the fire; and the secret of his strength was not known. — Then, Delilah said unto Samson: Come, thou hast mocked me; for thou hast told me lies. I pray thee, declare unto me now wherewith thou mayest be well bound. — And he answered her: If I were bound tight with great new cords, which had never been used, I should become without strength and I should be as another man. — Delilah, then, took great new cords, and she bound Samson, then she said unto him: The Philistines are upon thee, Samson! Now, there were still people hidden in the chamber; and he broke the great cords from off his arms like a thread. — Then, Delilah said unto Samson: Thou hast mocked me hitherto, and thou hast told me nothing but lies. Let us make an end of it; reveal unto me wherewith thou shouldst be bound. And he said unto her: Well, behold; it would be if thou hadst woven seven tresses of my hair about a weaver’s beam. — And she put them into the beam with the pin, whilst he slept; and she cried out all at once: The Philistines are upon thee, Samson! Then, he awoke from his sleep, and carried away the pin of the loom with the beam. — Then, she said unto him: Wherefore sayest thou that thou lovest me, since thy heart is not with me? Thou hast mocked me three times, and thou persistest in hiding from me wherein consisteth thy great strength. — And she tormented him every day by her words and pressed him to the utmost, so that his soul was very much afflicted thereat. — Then, he opened unto her all his heart and said unto her: The razor hath never passed upon my head; for I am a Nazarite, vowed to God from my mother’s womb. If I were shaven, my strength would forsake me, and I should become as all other men. — Delilah, then, seeing that he had opened unto her all his heart this time, sent to call the governors of the Philistines and caused them to be told: Ye may come up unto me; for he hath opened unto me all his heart. The governors hastened to come unto her, bringing the promised money. — And, when she had caused them to be hidden, Delilah put Samson to sleep upon her knees, and, having called a man, she caused him to shave seven tresses of the hair of his head; from that moment, she began to tame him, for his strength was forsaking him. 170. The Philistines shave Samson during his sleep. — Then, she cried out: The Philistines are upon thee, Samson! And he, awaking, said within himself: I shall come out of it as the other times, and I shall disengage myself from their hands. But he knew not that the Eternal had withdrawn himself from him. — The Philistines, then, seized him, and put out his eyes; and they led him away to Gaza, threw him into a prison, bound with two chains of brass; and there, they obliged him to turn, every day, a heavy millstone of a mill. » (Judges 16:6-21) 171. Samson’s eyes are put out. It would be difficult, I think, to imagine a more stupid tale. From the first line to the last, in this episode of the book of Judges, everything is idiotic, and there is nothing there to amuse even the most imbecile children. Apropos of the story of Samson, lord Bolingbroke said that there is no jawbone of an ass in this fable but that of the author who invented it. It is a coarse imitation, a clumsy and grotesque plagiarism of the pagan fable of Hercules, just as the sacrifice of Iphigenia has visibly inspired the narrator of the vow of Jephthah ending in the immolation of his daughter. It is true that the theologians insinuate that it is rather Greek mythology which is supposed to have copied and distorted the Bible: but it is easy to answer them with precise dates, some of which are furnished by themselves. Their opinion is that this book of Judges was written by Samuel, in the time of Saul; now, among the Greeks, there was question of Hercules very much earlier than the war of Troy, and there are more than two hundred years between the war of Troy and the election of Saul. The Rev. Fr. Petau, a Jesuit, makes Hercules be born in the year 1289 before our era, and the same Petau makes the exploits of Samson begin only eleven hundred and thirty-five years before the same era. Supposing that he had begun at twenty-five, he would then have been born in 1110; even if one admits the in no way proved existence of these two terrible personages, it results from this that Hercules was born a hundred and seventy-nine years before Samson: thus the theologians are caught by their own chronology. Moreover, it is to be remarked that the pagan fable has been more intelligently imagined than the Jewish fable; the end of Hercules is less inept than that of Samson. In Greek mythology, the demigod was so seduced by the beauty of Omphale that he forgot his wandering habits and his warlike exploits, and settled beside his new mistress, who took over the mind of Hercules an absolute empire: then, while the queen of Lydia amused herself by clothing herself in the spoil of the Nemean lion and arming herself with the redoubtable club of the hero, the latter, seated at the feet of the princess, covered like a woman with a long robe of purple, tried to spin wool, broke all the spindles and received laughing the blows of the slipper which his merry mistress applied to him. This episode sufficiently characterizes the influence which a beloved woman can take over a man, even the most heroic; but here the allegory does not overstep the limits of the possible and remains credible. If Hercules forgets his dignity, it is none the less true that one is in the presence of two lovers who are amusing themselves; they travel, thus disguised; Omphale herself forgets her kingdom and takes Hercules to sleep with her in grottoes, far from her court. Hercules, one fine day, deceives Omphale and becomes infatuated with one of her attendants, the pretty Matis, by whom he has a son, Agesilaus. From Matis he passes to Iole, daughter of king Eurytus. Finally, Deianira, his wife, in despair at his infidelities, sends him the tunic of the centaur Nessus, which she believes to be a talisman having the power of bringing straying husbands back to their conjugal duties, and Hercules, in the pains caused him by the poisoned tunic which has stuck to his flesh and which he cannot tear off, resolves upon suicide to end his sufferings more quickly; he constructs an immense pyre upon Mount Oeta, lights it and hurls himself into the flames. The end of the legend of Hercules falls back into the incredible; but, at least, what is more poetic than the death of the son of Jupiter and Alcmene?... Since the Holy Spirit is the author of the Bible, he obliges us to tell him that his tales are far below the pagan legends of the Greeks and the Romans. Ovid, relating the tragic suicide of Hercules, is infinitely superior to the divine pigeon, whose Samson is of a finished absurdity. The gods of Olympus take pity on the sufferings of the husband of Deianira; but Jupiter reassures them, and we have there one of the finest pages of pagan mythology. « — Let the pyre of Oeta alarm your soul no more! He, he who knew how to conquer all shall know how to conquer the flame. The fires are going to purify what he had of mortal. What he had of divine, impassible, eternal, Fears not from Vulcan the murderous stroke. My son is going to shake off his coarse clay, And soon, a new god, to take his place among you, If some deity behold him with a jealous eye, She will avow at least, though she be indignant thereat, That, if the honour be great, the hero is worthy of it. » This decree forestalled the desire of the gods; Juno herself, Juno hears it without displeasure; But, at these last words, which condemn her hatred, Her vexation upon her brow is with difficulty disguised. The hero in the fire triumphs over Vulcan; His air is more august, he hath nothing human left: He hath nothing left of the features he received from his mother, Immortal by his death, he resembleth his father. As a superb serpent, in the rays of the sun, Kindleth the vermeil gold of his new scales And seemeth with his skin to strip off his old age, So, stripping off the weakness of humanity, Hercules hath taken the august majesty of a god And seemeth to clothe himself with immortality. Traversing in a moment the course of the airs, He riseth, borne away upon a chariot of light. (OVID, Metamorphoses, book 9; translation of Delille.) But, if paganism was often full of poetry in its legends, on the other hand, can one dream of anything flatter than the biblical Hercules? That the episode of Samson and Delilah is a counterfeit of the adventure of Hercules at Omphale’s seems beyond doubt; nevertheless, it seems that the Holy Ghost might have set up his hero better; Samson mistrusts his mistress, since three times he tells her a whopper on the subject of his strength; and, after having observed three times that his confidence earns him having to struggle against his enemies, he reveals, the fourth time, the whole truth to this woman whose perfidy is evident. There is there an impossibility which is glaringly obvious, more vividly still than were the eyes of Samson put out; or else this judge of Israel was the veriest dotard. Not to mention that one asks oneself how Samson, having lost all his strength, was compelled, in his servitude, to turn daily a heavy millstone! It was the case, on the contrary, to impose upon him, by way of humiliation, the debasement of Hercules spinning wool or any other womanish work... 172. Samson turns the millstone. The conclusion bursts out, moreover, more and more in stupidity and in contradiction. The Philistines, knowing that the strength of their prisoner resides in his mop of hair, ought to shave him at least every fortnight. Not in the least! they let his hair grow again and suspect nothing. « And the hair of Samson began to come again, and it was upon his head as it was on the day when he was shaven at Delilah’s » (Judges 16:22). Thereupon, the Philistine governors give a great feast at Gaza, in honour of their god Dagon; Samson is drawn from his prison; he is brought into an immense palace, « where there were three thousand persons, as well men as women »; the captive is placed between two pillars which supported the whole edifice (sic). « Samson, then, embraced the two middle pillars, upon which the palace was propped, and he held fast to them: the one was on his right, and the other on his left. And he said: Let me die with all the Philistines! He then stretched out his arms with all his strength, and the palace fell down upon the governors and upon all the people who were therein. And he made many more people die in his death than he had made die during his life. » (Judges 16:29-30) 173. Samson dies avenging himself. Without having any tendency towards paganism, one will certainly find the death of Hercules much more interesting than that of Samson. As for the life of the two heroes, if one wishes to compare the one with the other, what a poor existence Samson led! and how could his meagre exploits elevate the soul, even placing oneself at the religious point of view!... For, according to the Bible itself, if Samson makes mincemeat of the Philistines and burns their harvests, it is in no way under the inspiration of a patriotic hatred against the nation which oppresses his Jewish brothers, nor to avenge Jehovah for the competition of the god Dagon. He satisfies purely and simply a personal hatred, after having lived on the best of terms with the persecutors of his compatriots. Vexed in the highest degree that a Philistine woman with whom he is smitten has been his wife only for six days and has become, by the caprice of his father-in-law, the definitive spouse of a Philistine who is his most intimate friend, he relieves his rancour by doing the Philistines all the harm he can, he exercises a private vengeance which has nothing to do with a national revenge; better still, he despises the virgins of Israel, and it is always towards the Philistine trollops that his heart carries him. Jehovah? he cares no more for him than for his first shirt!... Hercules, on the contrary, is truly the national hero of Greece, and if his exploits leave us incredulous, it is none the less true that they are inspired, in their legend, by the noblest sentiments: he is not only the personification of strength; he puts that strength at the service of the weak with an admirable generosity. From his adolescence, when he meets upon his road Vice and Virtue, who, under the form of two women, try in rivalry to draw him to them, what choice does Hercules make? The one makes a thousand seductions shine before his eyes, well capable of winning a young man; she shows to his gaze a broad road, commodious and bordered with fragrant flowers, while the other discovers to him a steep, narrow and arid path. The son of Alcmene, with a discernment above his age, decides for the path of virtue, in spite of the difficulties of its approaches, because he understands that it is the way of happiness and that he has a presentiment, at the end of the other, of pitiless remorse. All the infallible popes may cry themselves hoarse telling us that paganism is the work of the demon, they will not prevent the teaching of this pagan allegory from being essentially moral. Then, Hercules, passing his life in combating tyrants and monsters, acts for the good of humanity; he struggles against scourges of every kind, he exterminates the cruellest brigands. In the eyes of whoever reflects, the parallel is crushing for the hero of the Bible; one must be signally in bad faith or be a pious cretin to prefer Samson to Hercules. In putting the latter upon their altars, the pagans adored a sympathetic hero; in making their flocks venerate the lover of Delilah, in saying that one must see in him a saint, an elect of God, the tonsured ones do a work of stupefaction, deceive with cynicism and place, in short, the halo upon the head of a dirty fellow. In the book of Judges, we find yet another episode which, — like many others, moreover, — is hardly fitted to raise the prestige of the Israelite people; it is the adventure of the Levite of Ephraim, of his concubine and of the Benjamites. This Jewish curé had taken a concubine, a woman of Bethlehem, belonging to the tribe of Judah. One day, this estimable couple, being on a journey, stopped at Gibeah, and received hospitality with an old man, who generously offered them dinner, putting the little dishes inside the big ones (‘the little dishes inside the big ones’ — fr. ‘mettre les petits plats dans les grands’, to lay on a lavish spread) in their honour. Forward, the textual citation! « Whilst they were making good cheer, the men of the city, who were evil scoundrels, surrounded the house, striking with redoubled blows against the door and crying to the old man: Bring forth to us this Levite, for we mean to use him as a woman! But the old man, going out to them, said unto them: My brothers, I pray you, renounce your desire to commit such a sin; this Levite is my guest; consummate not this folly. Moreover, I have my daughter who is a virgin, and the Levite is here with his concubine. I will therefore bring you out my daughter and the concubine of the priest; ye shall violate these two women as much as ye will; that will be better than to glut your debauchery upon this Levite. Now, these men would not accept the proposal of the old man; then the Levite himself thrust his concubine out of the house; they took her, and all the males of the city passed upon her, that night. When the darkness was dispelled, the woman returned to the door of the house; but she was so weak in consequence of so many violations, that she fell upon the threshold. When the Levite rose, at dawn, he went out to set forth again upon his way, and behold he stumbled against the body of his concubine stretched upon the ground. He said unto her: Come, rise up, we are departing. But she answered not. Then, he loaded her upon his ass and returned unto his house, at Ephraim. There, he took a great knife, and he cut up the body of his concubine into twelve pieces, and he sent one of the pieces of the corpse to each of the tribes of Israel. » (Judges 19:22-29) 174. The Levite of Ephraim. Lord Bolingbroke, commenting upon this episode, says that it seems at first a copy of the abomination of the Sodomites, who wished to violate two angels; he adds that the Jewish people shows itself thus the most execrable of peoples. In his opinion, it was almost pardonable in voluptuous Greeks, in perfumed young men, to abandon themselves, in a moment of debauchery, to very reprehensible excesses, of which one has a horror in the maturity of age; but what is to be said of these Gibeahites, more ignoble than dogs in rut! One asks oneself whether it is possible to find, in a book which is claimed to be inspired by the Holy Ghost, anything more repugnant than the adventure of this concubine-keeping priest, wearing, without any doubt, a great beard after the manner of oriental priests, who, arriving from afar upon his ass and covered with dust, nevertheless inspires immodest desires in all the males of a city! There is nothing, writes Bolingbroke, in the most revolting histories of all antiquity, nothing which approaches an infamy so little likely. The two angels of Sodom, moreover, being in the flower of their age, must have been of a dazzling beauty, as befits angels, and could tempt the unfortunate Sodomites; but is not the taste of the Gibeahites the last degree of depravity?... As for the idea of sending a piece of the concubine’s body to each tribe, it is likewise without example and makes one shudder. It was therefore necessary to send twelve messengers, charged with these horrible remains. But where were the twelve tribes then? to whom, in each tribe, was this twelfth of a corpse handed over, since the tribes found themselves without official chiefs, the Israelites dispersed, in servitude, undergoing the yoke of the Philistines?... « Then, all the children of Israel assembled themselves as one man, from Dan unto Beersheba, and unto the land of Gilead, unto the Eternal, at Mizpah. And all the tribes found themselves in the assembly of the people of God, to the number of four hundred thousand footmen, who drew the sword » (Judges 20:1-2). Let us not forget, certainly, that this takes place immediately after the death of Samson, when the Philistines hold the Hebrews in a slavery of the harshest. How did the twelve tribes assemble? how did their masters tolerate this vast armed gathering? The Bible does not say; it seems that the divine pigeon has completely forgotten the lamentable situation in which the people of God is groaning. It was, however, to the Philistines, possessors of the country, that one ought to have applied to obtain the chastisement of a crime committed among them: that is the right of all sovereigns, a right of which they have been extremely jealous in all times. Further on, the text gives twenty-six thousand seven hundred combatants to the tribe of Benjamin (Judges 20:15) which took the part of the guilty, and it maintains for the eleven other tribes « four hundred thousand men drawing the sword, all men of war » (v. 17). — « Supposing the population equal, says Voltaire, each tribe would have had thirty-five thousand four hundred and sixteen soldiers. And adding the old men, the women and the children, each tribe must have been composed of one hundred and forty-one thousand six hundred and sixty-four persons, which make, for the twelve tribes, one million six hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and sixty-eight persons, without speaking of the Levites. » Now, in order that so prodigious a number of individuals should be held in servitude, among whom there were four hundred and twenty-six thousand men-at-arms, at least eight hundred thousand well-armed soldiers would have been needed. And how did the masters leave arms to their slaves, when it is said, in the book of Kings, chap. 13, that « the Philistines did not permit the Jews to have a single blacksmith, for fear that they should make swords and lances », and that « all the Israelites were obliged to go to the Philistines, their masters, to have sharpened the share of their ploughs, their mattocks, their axes and their pruning-hooks? » — In which of these two contradictory passages of the Bible does the divine pigeon tell a hoax? in which verses does the Holy Ghost best make fun of the credulity of the faithful? We are going to see, now, what series of massacres was occasioned by the multiple violation of the Levite’s concubine. At the assembly of the four hundred thousand men-at-arms, the Jewish curé related in part what had happened; to be able to make himself heard by so numerous an audience, one must admit that our man was endowed with a fine voice. The Bible gives his discourse; passing rapidly and in veiled words over the impaling of which he had nearly been the victim on the part of the overexcited Gibeahites, he confined himself to demanding vengeance for the crime committed against his deceased mistress: « They have so violated my concubine, that she is dead of it! » he cried. It is not useless to remark that, in the first narrative, all the males of the city are represented as having violated the unfortunate woman, and that following the discourse of the carving lover, master Pigeon-God informs us that « the inhabitants of Gibeah counted seven hundred among them, excellent soldiers, very robust, who cast stones with the sling and never missed the mark » (Judges 20:16). This frightful violation committed by all the males of a city having lasted the whole night, but one single night, if one retains as guilty only the seven hundred robust Gibeahite warriors, and if one considers that the crime was accomplished in summer and not in winter, consequently in a night of ten hours at the maximum, one will observe that these frenzied men were very expeditious fellows. Evidently, the unfortunate woman could not defend herself against so many assailants, and she was soon nothing but an inert mass upon which these wretches hurled themselves; but still one is stupefied to reckon that they violated the curé’s concubine at the rate of seventy violations an hour! less than a minute for each one! It therefore becomes necessary to believe that, from the beginning of the crime, these scoundrels had organized among themselves a service of order, and that arriving at the tail-wolf-tail (‘at the tail-wolf-tail’ — fr. ‘à la queue leu leu’, an old phrase for walking in single file, one behind another) they presented themselves first to the controller, each with his number, so as not to lose time, as is practised at the omnibus stations, and each, moreover, being ready to get into the carriage. Go and say, after that, that everything is not marvellous in the holy Bible!... The series of massacres is no less astounding. « The children of Israel, marching from break of day, came and encamped near Gibeah; but the children of Benjamin went out of Gibeah and set themselves in battle array. And, on the first day of this war, the Benjamites killed twenty-two thousand men of the army of Israel. » (Judges 20:19-21) One is astonished here first of all that Jehovah should protect the Benjamites, who were of the more guilty party, against all the Israelites, who were of the more just party. « At the second battle, the children of Benjamin killed yet eighteen thousand men of the army of Israel » (Judges 20:25). That makes forty thousand defenders of the good cause already massacred. It is distressing! But wait for the end. Now the children of Israel are going to be entirely victorious, and that will console us. All that can cause a little pain is the fantastic number of Jews slaughtered by their brothers, from the adoration of the golden calf down to these intestine wars. What earned the army of Israel the definitive victory was not the goodness of its cause, but a prayer which was addressed to Sabaoth... guess by whom?... by Phinehas, son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron (Judges 20:28)... He was not dead then, our old Phinehas; but it was a long while, all the same, since he had made himself talked about!... « Then, ten thousand chosen men, of the army of Israel, came against Gibeah, and the mêlée was rough; and the children of Israel, that day, killed twenty-five thousand combatants of the tribe of Benjamin (Judges 20:34-35). The Benjamites saw then that they were beaten (v. 36)... Then, they turned their backs before the army of Israel, and they fled toward the road of the desert: but the army of Israel pressed them close, and the Israelites therefore surrounded those of Benjamin, pursued them from Menuhah unto over against Gibeah; and the Benjamites, being surrounded by their enemies, lost eighteen thousand men, killed in that place, all men of war and very robust (v. 42-44). Then, those of Benjamin who were left fled toward the rock of Rimmon; and those of Israel killed there yet five thousand of them along the roads, and, continuing the pursuit as far as Gidom, they killed yet two thousand of them (v. 45) ... There were six hundred men, of those who had turned their backs, who escaped the massacre, taking refuge upon the rock of Rimmon, where they remained four months. And those of Israel returned from the combat, killed all that remained in Gibeah, from the men unto the beasts; and they burned also all the cities and all the villages of the tribe of Benjamin. » (v. 47-48) In this narrative, the Holy Ghost, lavishing figures, appears to have got himself somewhat muddled. He had told us first of all that the soldiers of the tribe of Benjamin were in all twenty-six thousand seven hundred, including the robust warriors of Gibeah. If we know how to count properly, here are fifty thousand Benjamite combatants killed one after another in these battles which succeeded one another with a dizzying rapidity. Therefore: either the Benjamites multiplied in the action, so much and so well that their number doubled, which would be a most curious miracle; or else the Holy Spirit, in dictating the sacred book, lost his arithmetic, which would be a still more stunning miracle! But the finest thing in the story is our dear Phinehas who is there, at the moment when nobody expected him, certainly! it was a long while since we had imagined him dead and buried, if not beside his grandfather Aaron, at least in the tomb of his father Eleazar. And there is no mistaking it; verse 28 of chap. 20 of the book of Judges is very precise: it is in no way a question of a namesake; for the Phinehas who prays to Sabaoth in favour of the army of Israel against the Benjamites is well and truly qualified as « son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron ». That says nothing to you, that?... Well then! count a little on your fingers, and you will be bowled over! It is this same Phinehas whom we saw, in the lifetime of Moses, spit with a javelin the Hebrew Zimri and the pretty Midianite woman Cozbi, at the moment when the amorous couple were sighing the tenderest sighs. The book of Numbers, which gave us, in its chapter 25, the official account of this exploit of a Levite, expressly names the transfixing Phinehas: « son of Eleazar and grandson of Aaron » (v. 7 and 11). And the incident took place in the country of Moab, before the arrival of the Hebrews at the Promised Land, very much earlier than the crossing of the Jordan. Now, much water has flowed under the bridge between the skewering of Zimri and Cozbi and the general squashing of the Benjamites, which is subsequent to the death of Samson and ends the book of Judges!... It has not been forgotten that, among the Israelites who were twenty years old or more at the moment of the departure from Egypt, the general Joshua and the sieur Caleb were the only ones to whom Jehovah granted the favour of entry into Canaan; on the other hand, the Bible tells us that Joshua died at the age of a hundred and ten years. Adding his forty years of journeying in the desert to the twenty years of his age at his crossing of the Red Sea, one finds that he was sixty when he succeeded Moses; consequently, he commanded and governed the Hebrews for fifty years. Let us therefore make, in going through the books of Joshua and of Judges, the reckoning of the time elapsed between the crossing of the Jordan, at which the young and hot-headed Phinehas was present, accompanying his father Eleazar, and the massacre of the Benjamites: Government of Joshua, fifty years. Verse 10 of book 2 of Judges says that there was afterwards « a generation which had not known the works that the Eternal had done for his people »; that is, at the minimum, twenty years. There supervenes the first servitude of the Hebrews, that of Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia: eight years. Deliverance, government of the judge Othniel: forty years. Second servitude, that of king Eglon: eighteen years. Thanks to the judge Ehud, the yoke of the Moabites is shaken off, and the people of God has a long rest: eighty years. Third servitude, that of king Jabin: twenty years. Triumph of Mme Deborah and of Barak, fresh rest: forty years. Re-entry upon the scene of the Midianites, fourth servitude: seven years. Vocation of Gideon, deliverance: forty years of peace. The Hebrews fall back under the yoke; this time, the despot is one of their own; tyranny of Abimelech: three years. Government of the judge Tola: twenty-three years. Government of the judge Jair: twenty-two years. Sixth servitude, that of the Ammonites: eighteen years. Deliverance by Jephthah, and government of this judge: six years. Peaceful government of three other judges: Ibzan, seven years; Elon, ten years; Abdon, eight years. Seventh servitude, the first under the yoke of the Philistines: forty years. Exploits and government of the judge Samson: twenty years. In all: four hundred and eighty years therefore elapsed between the crossing of the Jordan and the death of Samson. Conclusion: Phinehas, high priest, was consequently at least five hundred years old when he prayed to Sabaoth-Jehovah against the Benjamites, when he besought heaven to avenge the concubine of the Levite of Ephraim, violated in one night by seven hundred frenzied males of Gibeah... And that is History! But why does the biblical text forget to indicate to us the exact age of the high priest Phinehas?... A little precision would have been useful; for the sceptics might say that the divine pigeon, in falling out with arithmetic, has lost the memory of his chronology, — official and sacred chronology, if you please! Now, the eleven Israelite tribes which had massacred that of Benjamin soon repented of their work of destruction. They lamented, saying: Alas! must one of our tribes disappear?... Then they thought of the six hundred Benjamites who were living as best they could upon the rock of Rimmon. Why should they not be the seed destined to repeople Benjamin?... Yes, but there it was! From the opening of hostilities, they had sworn, at Mizpah, never to give an Israelite girl in marriage to a Benjamite. While they were seeking the solution of the problem, a shrewd fellow said: One has only to inquire and discover the families which were not present at Mizpah and which did not take this oath. The inquiry was ordered; its result was the observation that the Jews of Jabesh had failed to attend the meeting where the extermination of the Benjamites was sworn. Then, massacre of the good Jews of Jabesh, with the exception of four hundred maidens, who were sent to the rock of Rimmon. But the inhabitants of that rock observed that the maidens were not in sufficient number; two hundred of the surviving Benjamites were not provided for; that became very serious. Meanwhile, the magistrates thought of the great feast of Jehovah, which was about to be celebrated at Shiloh, and they rendered the following verdict: The Benjamites not provided with wives are, exceptionally, authorized to carry off women during the religious ceremonies and the rejoicings of Shiloh. The Benjamites therefore carried off two hundred dancing girls; the papas and the mammas had no right to protest, and everybody, except them, was satisfied. Finally, the descendants of Benjamin rebuilt their burned cities. Thus ends the book of Judges. This manner of repeopling a tribe has appeared very singular to all the critics; but, as the critics are impious, what can their objections matter? Besides, the ark of God was at Shiloh during the feasts; therefore, God was present, and, since he did not cause to come out of the earth the flames which instantly devoured great criminals, it is a proof that he approved of the ravishers. Remain therefore mute, O critics! bow before the impenetrable designs of divine Providence! CHAPTER 10 Sweet idyll of the fair Ruth Oh! the tears of tenderness which sensitive devotees shed over the touching story of Ruth and Naomi!... With what sweet joy we approach it in our turn!... « In the time when the Judges governed the people of Israel, a famine desolated the country; wherefore a man of Bethlehem, of the tribe of Judah, went away into the land of Moab to dwell there, and he took with him his wife and his two sons. This man was named Elimelech; his wife, Naomi; his two sons, Mahlon and Chilion. They settled themselves therefore in the land of Moab. Now, Elimelech died there; but Naomi remained there nevertheless, with her two sons, who married Moabite women, of whom one was called Orpah and the other Ruth. Their sojourn in that country was of about ten years, at the end of which Mahlon and Chilion died. Thus Naomi remained the only Israelite in Moab. » (Book of Ruth 1:1-5) « One day, Naomi heard tell that Jehovah had visited his people and had distributed bread to them. Then, she arose, made her daughters-in-law arise and informed them that she was quitting the land of Moab to return to Bethlehem. When she was out of the house, she perceived that her daughters-in-law were walking with her; these, in fact, had taken the road which leads to the region inhabited by the descendants of Judah. Then, Naomi said unto her two daughters-in-law: Get you gone, and let each of you return at once to her mother. Ye have been very kind to my sons who are dead; therefore I wish that because of that Jehovah may show you mercy. Yea, may my god accord to each, in the house of her husband, the rest that she deserveth! And she embraced them. But the two young women set themselves to weeping, and they said unto her, lifting up their voice: No, we prefer to go with thee, since thou returnest unto thy people. Naomi went on: Come, my daughters, hearken unto me, and turn back. Wherefore should ye come with me? Are there yet in my bowels sons whom I could give you for husbands? No, I assure you of it. Get you gone, my daughters, get you gone! Besides, I am too old to marry again; and supposing that I had the desire and the hope thereof, even if I should lie with a husband this very night, even if I should come afterwards to bring two boys into the world, would ye wait for them until they became grown? Would ye refuse, because of them, other marriages? No, would ye not? Return then into your families; for I am in greater bitterness than you, the hand of the Eternal is grown heavy upon me. » (v. 6-14) « Then, they lifted up their voice again and shed new tears. Then, Orpah took leave of her mother-in-law; but Ruth stayed with Naomi. And Naomi insisted that Ruth should go and rejoin her sister-in-law: Orpah is returned unto her people and unto her god, said she; imitate the example of thy sister-in-law. But Ruth answered: Thou grievest me in praying me to leave thee, to go far from thee; for I will go where thou goest, I will dwell where thou dwellest, thy people shall be mine henceforth and thy god shall be my god. There where thou shalt die, I will die, and it is there that I shall be buried. May thy Jehovah treat me with the utmost rigour, if ever anything separate thee from me but death! » (Ruth 1:15-17) « Naomi, seeing thus that her resolution was unshakeable, ceased to speak to her of separation. And they both walked a long while, until they were arrived at Bethlehem. And when they had passed the gates, all the city was in commotion because of them, and all said: Is it not Naomi?... But she answered them: I pray you, call me not Naomi; call me Mara. And those who had recognized her asking her why she changed her name, she said unto them: The Almighty hath filled me with bitterness; I went forth from here laden with goods, and the Eternal bringeth me back completely empty. Thus, since Jehovah hath cast me down and afflicted me, ye see well that I must no more be called Naomi. » (v. 18-21) 175. Ruth and Naomi. « It is thus that Naomi, being returned with Ruth the Moabitess her daughter-in-law, returned to Bethlehem; it was at the beginning of the barley harvest. » (Ruth 1:22) « Now, there was a kinsman of Elimelech, who was named Boaz, a man very powerful and very rich. And Ruth the Moabitess said unto her mother-in-law: If thou permit it, I will go to glean in the fields, and I shall find perhaps some man who will take an interest in me. She answered her: Go, my daughter. Ruth went away therefore to glean behind the reapers. And it came to pass that she found herself in a field belonging to that Boaz, who was kinsman of Elimelech. Meanwhile, Boaz came from the city and said unto the reapers: God be with you! They answered him: God bless you! After which, Boaz having remarked Ruth, asked a young man, chief of the reapers: Who is that girl? Who answered: She is a young Moabite woman, who is returned with Naomi from the land of Moab. She hath prayed us to permit her to gather some handfuls of barley after the reapers; she hath been here only since this morning. Then Boaz drew near unto Ruth and said unto her: Hearken, my daughter, go not to glean in another field, and even remain near my maidservants. I have forbidden the young men who are here to touch thee; and when thou shalt be thirsty, drink of the water which my people draw. » (Ruth 2:1-9) 176. Misery of Ruth gleaning in the field of old Boaz. « At these words, Ruth prostrated herself, her face against the earth, and said: How then have I found grace before thee? I am a stranger, and yet thou seemest to know me. — It hath been related to me at Bethlehem, answered Boaz, how thou hast well behaved thyself towards thy mother-in-law, since thy husband is dead. I know all, thy forsaking of thy father and of thy mother, and of thy native country, to come unto a people whom thou knewest not. May the Eternal recompense thee! since thou hast put thyself under the protection of the God of Israel, mayest thou obtain of him all that thou deservest for thy wages! — My lord, said Ruth, behold me right joyful to have found grace before thine eyes; thy words are to me a great consolation, and they are truly according to the heart of thy handmaid, although I be less than the last of thy handmaids. » (v. 10-13) « Boaz came again unto her, when the hour of eating was come, and he said unto her: Fear not to join thyself to my people; I authorize thee thereto. Thou shalt eat of the bread, and I permit thee to dip it in the vinegar. Thus, she took part in the meal of the reapers, who gave her roasted grain; she satisfied herself therewith and carefully put away her leavings. After which, she rose to go and glean. And Boaz commanded his people: Let her glean even among the sheaves; moreover, take good heed not to do her anything whatever that might give her shame. Besides, let a few handfuls of ears trail, as if by inadvertence, that she may gather them up. Ruth gleaned therefore until the evening; and, having beaten the ears which she had gathered, she drew therefrom about an ephah of barley. » (v. 14-17) 177. Kindnesses of Boaz to Ruth. « When Ruth was returned to the city, she showed her mother-in-law what she had gleaned; she gave her also the remains of her meal, which she had carried away. Then her mother-in-law questioned her: Where hast thou gleaned to-day? Blessed be he who hath made thee so good a welcome! Ruth answered: The man with whom I have gathered this barley is named Boaz. And Naomi cried out: May Jehovah bless him! Then, she added: This man is our near kinsman, and he is of those who have the right to acquire for themselves personally in the inheritance of the family. And Ruth said again: I remember that he recommended me to remain with his people, until the harvest be entirely finished. Naomi resumed: My daughter, have care above all to keep with his maidservants, for fear that elsewhere some grief be caused thee. Ruth attached herself therefore to the maidservants of Boaz, and every evening she came back to her mother-in-law, with whom she dwelt. » (Ruth 2:18-23) « Naomi said one day unto Ruth: My daughter, wherefore should I not seek how thou mightest have thy life assured and be happy? Behold then what thou shalt have to do. Boaz, who is our near kinsman, will winnow his barley this night. Wherefore to-day thou must wash thyself; moreover, rub thy skin with perfumed oil; then, put upon thee thy finest robe, and get thee away into the threshing-floor of Boaz. But show not thyself to him, so long as he shall not have finished eating and drinking. When he shall go to lie down, remark well the place whither he shall betake himself to sleep. Thou shalt wait until he be lain down; thou shalt enter quite softly; thou shalt uncover his feet, and thou shalt lie down beside him; then he will tell thee what thou shalt have to do (textual). Ruth answered her: I will do all that thou tellest me. » (Ruth 3:1-5) 178. Counsels of Naomi to her daughter-in-law. « She went therefore into the threshing-floor of Boaz, to put faithfully in practice the counsels of her mother-in-law. And Boaz, having well eaten and drunk, was in fine good humour, and he went and lay down against a heap of sheaves. Then, Ruth slipped quite softly near his couch, and having lifted the covering at his feet, she lay down there. » (v. 6-7) « In the middle of the night, Boaz was quite astonished to find a woman in his couch, at his feet; he drew back his feet briskly, saying: Who art thou? She answered: It is I, Ruth, and I am thy handmaid. Stretch thyself upon thy handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman, and thou hast the right to take me for thyself, since I make part of the inheritance in thy family. Boaz said: May Jehovah bless thee, my daughter! Thou art worth still more this night than this morning, seeing that thou hast not gone to seek young men, whether rich or poor. Fear nothing therefore; I will do what thou hast just said unto me; for thou hast the reputation of being a woman of worth. Now, if it be very true that I have the right to take thee for myself, there is another who hath the right before me, because he is a nearer kinsman of Naomi. Pass this night in my couch; and if to-morrow morning the other nearer kinsman will exercise his right, well, let him use it! but if it please him not to use it, I will take thee for myself without any difficulty, as truly as God liveth! Remain therefore here lying until the morning. » (v. 8-13) 179. Ruth awakens Boaz. « Thus, she remained in his couch all the night; and she rose before the day appeared. Boaz said unto her: Take good heed that no one know that thou hast passed the night here. But give thy apron, spread it out. She stretched out her apron, holding it with both hands; Boaz put therein six measures of barley, which she carried away to Bethlehem. To her mother-in-law who asked her how she had behaved herself, Ruth related all that had passed between Boaz and her. He hath given me, added she, these six measures of barley, saying unto me: I will not that thou return, with empty hands, unto thy mother-in-law. » (v. 14-17) Chapter 4 of the book of Ruth shows us old Boaz in parley with the near kinsman whose rights came before his own. The latter, in no way caring to marry the daughter-in-law of Naomi, took off his shoe and gave Boaz one of his shoes in witness of his renunciation (Ruth 4:8). Boaz then showed the shoe to the magistrates and to all the inhabitants of Bethlehem. « Thus, said Boaz, you are all witnesses that I have acquired this day all that belonged to Elimelech and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, his sons, and that, in this fashion, I have acquired also for myself Ruth the Moabitess, widow of Mahlon, to be my wife. Then, all the people and the elders, seeing the shoe, said: We are witnesses thereof. God grant that the woman who entereth into thy house be as Rachel and as Leah, who both gave children to the family of Israel; conduct thyself virtuously in Ephrath, and make thy name famous in Bethlehem; and that of the posterity which Jehovah shall give thee, by this young woman, thy house be as the house of Pharez, thine ancestor, whom Tamar bore unto Judah. Boaz took therefore Ruth for wife; he entered into her, and God granted her to conceive and to bring forth a son. And the women said unto Naomi: Blessed be the Eternal, who hath not willed that the inheritance of thy son should be lost to the house of Israel! May Jehovah console thy soul and may he be the support of thine old age; for thy daughter-in-law, who loveth thee, hath brought forth by the works of an Israelite, and she is worth more to thee than seven sons. Then, Naomi took the child and put it to her breast, and she served it as nurse (that, that is a miracle which is not commonplace). And the neighbour women gave a name to the child; they called him Obed. That Obed was the father of Jesse, who was the father of David. » (Ruth 4:9-17) 180. Boaz marries Ruth in great solemnity. Such is, in all its savour, the edifying story of Ruth, model of biblical daughters-in-law, and of Naomi, the cream of mothers-in-law. One will have admired, in passing, the generosity of Boaz, that old proprietor so powerful and very rich, who, as soon as Ruth had caught his eye, granted her the bread of the table of his reapers, authorizing her to dip it in vinegar so that it might be less dry. The critics find it bizarre that Boaz, instead of going to sleep in his chamber, should have stretched himself out, to sleep, at night, against a heap of sheaves, on the threshing-floor, as labourers do after the harvest; but they find it more bizarre still, and of an extremely doubtful taste, that Ruth should have slipped into the bed of Boaz, as the sacred author relates it as a quite natural thing and without the least shame. If this Boaz, they say, was, in his quality of kinsman, to marry this Ruth, the duty of Naomi, who took the place of a mother to her, was to make the proposal of marriage honestly; she ought not to have persuaded her daughter-in-law to ply the trade of a hussy. Moreover, Naomi must have known that there was a nearer kinsman than Boaz: it was therefore to that nearer kinsman that application ought to have been made. Finally, it is known that the Christians make Jesus descend from David, and, consequently, from Boaz and Ruth; prostitution and incest are thus found in profusion in the blood which God chose in order to become incarnate. Boaz descends in a direct line from Pharez, born of the incest of Tamar giving herself to her father-in-law Judah, while playing the prostitute; moreover, Boaz is the son of Salmon and of Rahab, the prostitute of Jericho. As for Ruth, she descends from Moab, born of the incest of Lot with his elder daughter. Here then are ancestors of the elite for a Messiah! here is a highly honourable blood for a God making himself man! But the most amusing thing for the observer is to observe that in dictating the book of Ruth the divine pigeon did not take care that he was letting the mystification of all his dictations show through. In fact, between Salmon, husband of Rahab, and Jesse, father of David, there are, in the genealogical order, only Boaz and Obed. Now, Rahab and Salmon are contemporaries of Joshua; Rahab was married by Salmon only after the taking of Jericho, that is to say after the crossing of the Jordan. On the other hand, following the chronology of the Bible, we are going to see that Obed lived in the time of the high priest Eli, and that the successor of Eli, Samuel, lived at the same time as Jesse; the government of the Judges is going to end with Samuel, who will institute the first king, Saul, will afterwards pronounce his deposition and will anoint David. From the point of view of the time lived by the biblical heroes, the book of Ruth therefore completely destroys the book of Joshua and the book of Judges; for it is materially impossible that there should have been, on the one hand, this long series of vicissitudes so diverse of the Hebrew people, these victorious governments, these servitudes of an enormous duration and so multiplied, these deliverances followed by periods of peace reckoning up to a considerable number of years, the whole giving a total of four hundred and eighty years from the crossing of the Jordan until the death of Samson, and that there should have been, on the other hand, parallel to it, only Salmon, living at the time of the taking of Jericho, and his son Boaz, contemporary of Samson. CHAPTER 11 History of Samuel, before the royalty In those days, there was at Ramathaim-Zophim (or Ramah for short) a man, named Elkanah, who was at the head of two wives, as legitimate the one as the other, Hannah and Peninnah. Now, the first could have no children, and every day there were tremendous scenes between the wives of the honourable bigamist; for Peninnah, who was as sour as vinegar, stung Hannah to the quick by making fun of her sterility. 181. The household of the bigamist Elkanah. Hannah, to make an end of it, resolved to make a pilgrimage, no doubt after having consulted some pious hermit; for Ramah was in the near neighbourhood of the mountain of Ephraim, to which its Levites have won an imperishable renown. But where to go on pilgrimage? Evidently, the hermit consulted had not judged himself holy enough to be able to draw down upon Hannah the blessings of Jehovah. 182. The barren Hannah consults the hermit of Ephraim. Be that as it may, the Bible informs us that the divine ark was then at Shiloh, under the guard of the high priest Eli and of his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas (not to be confounded with the Phinehas, son of Eleazar). So then, Elkanah and his family set out for Shiloh. 183. Departure of Elkanah for Shiloh. It is rightly supposed that Hannah the barren set out joyfully, but that Peninnah the fruitful must not have left Ramah without some regret, seeing that evil tongues attribute to her a first cousin with whom she was on the best of terms. However, Hannah’s gaiety does not appear to have been of long duration. In fact, once at Shiloh, if the sacred author is to be believed, « when Hannah went to the temple of the Eternal, Peninnah offended her always in the same manner, and Hannah began again to weep, and she ate nothing. Elkanah her husband said unto her: Hannah, wherefore weepest thou, and wherefore dost thou abstain from eating? am I not worth more to thee than ten sons? » (First book of Samuel 1:7-8) « After she had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, she rose. Now, the high-priest Eli was seated upon a seat, near one of the pillars of the tabernacle of the Eternal. Hannah then, having her heart full of bitterness, prayed unto Jehovah, shedding torrents of tears. She made this vow: O Sabaoth, god of armies, if thou deign to look upon the affliction of thy handmaid, if thou give me a male child, I will give him unto thee for all the days of his life, and never shall any razor pass upon his head. But, in saying that, Hannah confined herself to speaking in her heart; the high-priest, who was observing her, saw only her lips move, and he said to himself: This woman is drunk. Then, he addressed her in these terms: When wilt thou have done being tipsy? Come, go and sleep off thy wine elsewhere! » (v. 9-14) 184. Hannah the Barren implores the Eternal. However, under this harsh apostrophe, Hannah did not lose her head; she explained that she was not drunk at all, « having drunk neither wine nor beer », and Eli, seeing his mistake, at once took an interest in the unfortunate woman. It is known how miracles of the kind solicited by Hannah are worked; the process has been perpetuated down to our own day: and so, it is easy to realize what happened. With the authorization of Elkanah, a devout husband, Eli did not fail to urge the barren wife to come for a moment into the reserved sanctuary. Hannah did indeed feel some hesitations; her husband himself reassured her. Go, said he to her, go with the gentleman, he will have you touch some sacred talisman, and I warrant you that you will find yourself the better for it. Hannah was therefore admitted to see the Holy of Holies close at hand. 185. The high priest Eli admits Hannah to see the Holy of Holies close at hand. Then, as his wife’s stay in the sanctuary was dragging on a little, Elkanah went and sat down under the outer colonnade of the temple. At last, the cherished spouse reappeared, brought out by Hophni and Phinehas, sons of the high priest, who were radiant; they assured the good Elkanah that most certainly this time the Eternal had flooded Hannah with his all-powerful grace. 186. Hannah is led back to her husband by the two sons of Eli. Nine months afterwards, the household of Elkanah was increased by a big pink baby, to whom was given the name of Samuel. Hannah, who was in jubilation, renewed her vow never to cut even a little lock from the hair of this so much desired child. There is no need to be a wizard to guess that, from time to time, the high priest Eli came to pay a visit to the brat, for whom he had a quite particular affection; for he was, said he, the living testimony of the power of the Eternal. 187. Affection of the high priest for the child of Hannah. When Samuel was of an age to enter the service of the Lord, Hannah conducted him to Eli, and it was decided that the lad should be consecrated to God. He was invested with the functions of choirboy, specially appointed to the guardianship of the tabernacle. The high priest gave the mother his word as curé-prophet that the youth was destined for extraordinary things. 188. Samuel as a child is consecrated to the Lord Dear Hannah was so pleased that she improvised a canticle, inserted at full length in chapter 2; the reader will dispense me from reproducing it, it is arch-tedious rigmarole. On the other hand, one cannot pass over in silence the verses glowing with indignation, by which the Holy Ghost, inspirer of the biblical writer, brands the conduct of the sieurs Hophni and Phinehas, who, altogether bad rascals, were feasting to the prejudice of master Jehovah. « The sons of Eli, it is said in so many words, were scoundrels, and they despised the Eternal; for, when any one of the people had furnished the victim whose sacrifice was due to Jehovah, these impious sacrificers, by means of a long fork with three prongs, stabbed into the sacred pot and thus took for their own profit the best pieces. They acted in this fashion constantly, whilst the Israelites came for the holocausts at Shiloh. Even before the fat was made to smoke, their servant, sent by them, said to every man who was preparing to sacrifice: Give me good flesh to roast for the sacrificers. And if the man answered: Let the fat be made to smoke first; after which, thou shalt take as much flesh as thou wilt; then the servant of Hophni and Phinehas said: Give at once what I ask of thee; if not, I will take it from thee by force. Thus the sin of the sons of Eli was enormous, and the wrath of the Eternal gathered greater every day » (1 Samuel 2:12-17). 189. Impiety of the two sons of the high priest. That was not all: « the sons of Eli lay with all the women who came to pray at the door of the tabernacle » (v. 22). The high priest was not ignorant of these appalling impieties; but he tolerated them out of weakness. And, while manifesting this fine indignation, the Bible relates to us, in the same chapter, that the mother of Samuel came regularly to see her son at Shiloh. « The young Samuel, girded with an ephod of linen, accomplished innocently the service of the Eternal; and every year his mother made him a little white tunic, which she brought him on going up to the temple. And Jehovah visited Hannah anew, several times; wherefore she conceived and bore yet three sons and two daughters » (1 Samuel 2:19-21). The sceptics will perhaps conclude that Hophni and Phinehas contributed to increasing the family of the excellent Elkanah; but the faithful of ardent faith will reply that one must not confound things, that is to say that Papa Good God alone occupied himself with fructifying the amiable Hannah and that this was perfect, whereas the sons of Eli, in lying with the other devotees, were odious blackguards. It is to commit a sacrilege to award oneself the pretty devotees, reserved for Jehovah, as well as to dip into the sacred pot in order to regale oneself with the victuals of the holocaust. « Now, the young Samuel served the Lord in the presence of Eli; and the word of the Eternal was rare in those days, and the apparitions of God were not common. It came to pass a certain day that Eli, whose eyes began to grow dim by the effect of old age, had lain down in his chamber before the lamps of the sanctuary were extinguished; on his side, Samuel slept in the tabernacle, near the ark of God. And the Eternal called Samuel. 190. Young Samuel awakened at night by a mysterious voice. And the youth answered: Here am I! and he ran unto Eli and said unto him: Here am I, since thou hast called me. But Eli said unto him: No, I have not called thee, return to thy bed, and lie down. 191. Samuel goes to awaken the high priest Shortly after, the Eternal called Samuel again, and Samuel, awakened abruptly, rose and came again in all haste unto Eli, and said unto him: Thou hast called me, here am I. Eli answered him: My son, I have in no wise called thee, go and lie down again! Now, Samuel knew not how to distinguish the voice of the Eternal, for Jehovah had never spoken to him before. He set himself therefore to sleep again, and for the third time the Eternal awakened him by calling him. And Samuel, having run again unto Eli, said unto him: Certainly, thou hast called me, and here am I. Then, the high priest understood that it was the Eternal who was calling the youth. And he said unto Samuel: Return unto thy bed, lie down; but, if thou be called again, thou shalt answer: Eternal, speak; thy servant hearkeneth unto thee. Samuel went away therefore and put himself to bed again. And the Eternal manifested himself; he called, as the other times: Samuel! Samuel! The young boy answered then: Speak, Lord, thy servant hearkeneth unto thee. And the Eternal spake unto Samuel, saying unto him: Behold, I am going to raise in Israel such a cry, that none shall be able to hear it without both his ears tingling; in that day, I will put against Eli all that I have sworn against his house: I will begin and I will finish. His house shall be punished for ever, because of the iniquity of his sons, which he hath known and hath not repressed. Yea, I have sworn that the infamy of the house of Eli shall never be expiated, neither by victims, nor by presents. » (1 Samuel 3:1-13) 192. God speaks to Samuel. The next morning, at the very first hour, the high priest wished to know the end of this nocturnal incident; one may judge of the embarrassment of the apprentice Levite. Eli insisted, required the whole truth, and young Samuel reported the terrible confidence which he had received. « He hid nothing from the high priest; and Eli answered: Yea, it is the Eternal who hath spoken; let him do that which shall seem good unto him! » (v. 18) « And behold Samuel grew; now, the Eternal being with him, none of his words fell to the ground (sic). And all Israel, from Dan unto Beersheba, knew that Samuel was in truth a prophet of God. » (v. 19-20) This first part of the history of the famous prophet who was the last judge has not failed to raise some criticisms. First, upon this book itself, which is attributed to Samuel, the learned Fréret has presented a general observation; he points out a defect into which no serious historian would fall: it is that of leaving the reader in an entire ignorance of the state in which the nation spoken of then was. In fact, according to the sacred text, it is difficult to know what extent of country the Jews possessed at the time of the high priesthood of Eli, in what places exactly they resided, whether they were still slaves or simply tributaries of the Phoenicians, whom the ignorant Hebrew writers persist in calling Philistines. The author appears to be a priest who is occupied only with his profession, and who counts all the rest for little. The author assigns Shiloh as residence to the high priest Eli. Upon this point, Voltaire remarks that the village called Shiloh still belonged to the Phoenicians, and that it is, consequently, very astonishing that these should have tolerated there the high priest of an enemy religion; if the ark was in this village, it could only have been in secret, evidently, since the Philistines will only seize it later and on the occasion of a battle, as will be seen; but then how explain that the Jews came on pilgrimage to Shiloh?... Moreover, throughout the course of the narrative, the narrator gives to understand that the Jews had become so wretched that God no longer spoke to them frequently as formerly; now, it was the idea of all those coarse nations that, when a people was vanquished, its god was vanquished too, and that, when it rose again, its god rose again with it. Many consider that, if Jehovah is truly the creator of the universe, one makes him play a most grotesque part in representing him shut up in a chest, whence, in the middle of the night, he calls a young boy as many as four times before expressing to him what he wishes to say. Woolston finds the sacred author excessively ridiculous for saying that little Samuel « knew not yet how to distinguish the voice of the Eternal, because Jehovah had never spoken to him before ». Effectively, one cannot recognize the voice of somebody one has never heard; moreover, the sacred author, in expressing himself thus, represents his Jehovah as having a human voice, just as each man has his own personal timbre of voice. Boulanger draws from it a fresh proof that the Jews always made their god corporeal, and that they saw in him only a man of a superior species, dwelling ordinarily in a cloud, coming sometimes upon the earth to visit his favourites, now taking their part, now abandoning them, now victorious, now vanquished, such, in a word, as the gods of Homer; he says also that Homer, moreover, gives of the divinity ideas more sublime than those which are contained in the Bible, and that one finds finer ones still in the ancient Orpheus, and even in the mysteries of Isis and of Ceres. This opinion of Boulanger is shared by Fréret, by Dumarsais, etc. So then, here is Samuel grown up, and the divine pigeon remains mute upon the conduct of Hophni and Phinehas since the memorable night of the terrible revelations. Were they still dipping into the pot?... We learn only that « Samuel had told all to the Israelites »; the reprobation of Eli and of his family was therefore Punchinello’s secret (‘Punchinello’s secret’ — fr. ‘le secret de Polichinelle’, a secret everybody already knows), which did not prevent the faithful from bringing their offerings to this disqualified high priest and to his sons. Perhaps the latter, in fear of the predicted chastisement, had renounced their sacrilegious habits, but we know that master Jehovah is very vindictive. « The Israelites rose up against the Philistines and assembled in arms to fight them; they encamped at Ebenezer, and the Philistines established their camp at Aphek. Then, the battle was joined; Israel was beaten, the Philistines killed at first about four thousand Jewish soldiers in a first combat in the plain. The army of Israel turned its back and returned to the camp, where the elders of the people said: Wherefore hath the Eternal let us be beaten to-day by the Philistines? Let us bring from Shiloh the ark of the covenant, wherein Jehovah resideth; thus God shall be in the midst of us, and he will deliver us from our enemies. The holy ark was therefore brought, and Sabaoth, god of armies, was therein, between the cherubim; and Hophni and Phinehas, sons of Eli, accompanied the ark of God. And when the ark entered into the camp, all Israel raised such great cries of joy, that the earth resounded therewith. » (1 Samuel 4:1-5) « Then, the Philistines, hearing the voice of that cry, said: What then is this voice of crying in the Hebrew camp! And they knew that the ark wherein Jehovah resideth was in the midst of the army. Then, the Philistines were afraid, and they said one to another: Jehovah is now in the Hebrew camp; it was not so these days past; woe unto us, at present! Let us take comfort, Philistines, and let us be valiant men; let us fight with courage, that we fall not slaves to these Jews, as they have been ours. The Philistines therefore joined a second battle, and Israel was beaten again and fled; and the defeat of the Israelite army was so great, that thirty thousand soldiers, this time, remained dead upon the field of battle. The ark of God was taken by the victorious enemy, and the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, perished in that combat. » (v. 6-11) 193. Death of the sons of Eli and taking of the ark. « Now, a soldier of the tribe of Benjamin, escaped from the carnage, ran a whole day to betake himself to Shiloh, where he arrived with his garments torn and ashes upon his head. And, whilst this man was running thus, the high priest Eli was seated upon a seat which he had caused to be raised beside the road, and he awaited the news; and in his waiting he trembled, because of the holy ark. Eli was then ninety-eight years old. This man, as soon as he was arrived, said unto Eli: I come from the field of battle, whence I have escaped. And Eli questioned him in these terms: What hath happened, my son? The Benjamite soldier answered: Israel hath fled before the Philistines, and, even, there hath been a great defeat of the people; thy two sons are dead, and the ark of God is fallen into the power of the enemy. When Eli had heard that, he fell backward from off his seat, and in his fall he broke his neck. It is thus that he died; for he was old and heavy. He had judged Israel forty years. » (v. 12-18) 194. Eli falls from his seat at the news of the death of his sons « And his daughter-in-law, wife of Phinehas, who was with child, saw approaching the hour when she should be delivered, when a messenger informed her all at once that the ark was taken, that her husband was dead and her father-in-law also. At this news, she bent herself double; then she brought forth, and her delivery was of the most painful. And behold death seized her in her turn. Now, whilst she was dying, the women, her friends, who surrounded her, said unto her: Have no anxiety; we hold thy child, and we assure thee that it is not a girl; in truth, it is a boy. But she paid no attention to what her friends said to her, she heard nothing; for death was invading her more and more. And all at once she began to speak, and she said: The glory of God is carried away from Israel, for the holy ark is taken; and, for this reason, I will that my child be named Ichabod. » (v. 19-22) One sees that the sacred author leaves us more than ever in the vague. This strange historian makes known neither how the Hebrews had revolted against the Philistines their masters, nor the subject of this war, nor what territory the Hebrews occupied. He is precise only in indicating the place where the camps of the two enemy armies were; but that is bad luck, seeing that no geographer of antiquity has mentioned Ebenezer or Aphek. The sacred author speaks to us only of thirty-four thousand Jews killed in spite of the presence of the ark. How is one to conceive, says Voltaire, that an enslaved people, which has sustained such great and such frequent losses, can recover from them so soon? The critics have always dared to suspect the author of a little exaggeration, either in the successes or in the reverses. The author seems much more occupied with celebrating Samuel than with disentangling Jewish history; one expects in vain that he will give a faithful description of the country, of what the Jews possessed of it as their own under their masters, of the circumstances in which this rising took place, of the strongholds, or, at the very least, of the caverns which they occupied, of the measures which they took, of the chiefs who led them to the combat; nothing of all these essential things! It is from this that lord Bolingbroke concludes, in his examination, that the Levite author of this history wrote as the monks of the middle ages wrote the history of their country. And Voltaire adds, with his biting irony: « No doubt, Samuel, having become a prophet, and God speaking to him already in his childhood, was a more considerable object than the thirty thousand men killed in the battle, who were only profane persons, to whom God did not communicate himself; that is why, evidently, in Holy Scripture, there is question of the Jewish prophets more than of the Jewish people. » Attention, now!... Readers, we cannot be too grave. We come to a passage of the Bible which disposes one to gaiety no more than the spectacle of the silver nose of an invalid; in fact, here is the great affair of the golden arse-holes... Attention! attention! do not laugh. It is very serious. Master Jehovah, to chastise Hophni and Phinehas who, for a certain time, had dipped into his pot, had got himself taken along with his chest by the Philistines; and, even while Hophni and Phinehas were defending his chest, that is to say were defending himself (since he was in residence in the ark), he had willed, by his mysterious and impenetrable will, that the two Levites should be killed beside him, in the company of thirty thousand other Jews, likewise massacred, although they had never, for their part, dipped into the pot. That was a sensational chastisement, all that one can imagine of the most sensational, seeing that God, in letting himself fall into the hands of the idolatrous Philistines, included himself in the punishment of the sacrilege committed against him. That is perhaps not very logical; but it is essentially divine, any theologian whatever will tell you. The Philistines had therefore been elected by God to exercise against God the vengeance for an offence against God, by making God prisoner. Only, after having elected the Philistines to hold him captive, master Jehovah resolved to punish the Philistines for being his elect. It continues, as one sees, not to be logical; but it is more and more divine. Let us note, first of all, that these Philistines, who were good fellows as regards devotion, showed the greatest respect to the god their prisoner. We saw just now that they were convinced of his power. Far from acting like the intolerant fanatics who lavish outrage upon the divinities of religions other than their own, they treated the god of Israel with honour. Let a Jupiter or a Buddha fall into the power of Christian inquisitors, they will soon have thrown him into the sewer. The Philistines, on the contrary, knowing that Jehovah was in that chest fallen to them by the fortune of battle, worthily transported the sacred box to Ashdod, where was one of their finest temples, the temple of Dagon; there, they placed the ark in the most venerated part of the sanctuary, close beside Dagon himself. It is clear that the Philistines held the following reasoning: — The god of Israel is a god of the first quality; for we know the marvels which he worked when he drew his people out of Egypt. Since we therefore have the happy chance of possessing him, let us behave as well as we can towards him, in order that he may continue to be favourable to us. Let us honour him equally with Dagon: an abundance of protecting gods does no harm. Alas! these worthy Philistines were putting their finger in their eye; they were not slow to learn that Jehovah is a bad bedfellow (‘a bad bedfellow’ — fr. ‘un mauvais coucheur’, a man impossible to get on with). On the evening of the installation of the ark in the basilica of Ashdod, the priests of Dagon withdrew at nightfall, leaving their god face to face with that of Israel. If, instead of having taken Jehovah, our Phoenicians had had the luck to possess, in the same circumstances, an Egyptian Anubis, or a Persian Ormuzd, or a Greek Apollo, everything would have passed off very well on that first night, and the following nights. The two gods would amicably have cut a bib together, would have related to each other the little joyous incidents of the homages which they respectively received from their faithful; in short, they would have become two good comrades, and the inhabitants of Ashdod would have been in jubilation. Not at all!... Jehovah, like an old jealous grumbler, profited by the absence of the priests of Dagon to treat the other god as an antipathetic rival; he was anxious to have it established that he had the more robust divinity than the official idol of the Philistines. This Dagon was not wicked in the least; he did not have human victims sacrificed to him, he; he was a good-natured god. He must have been, consequently, very surprised when, in the very middle of the night, Jehovah, coming suddenly out of his box, hurled himself upon him, like a raging athlete, and flung him to the ground, from the top of the altar. The Bible does not give the detail of this nocturnal struggle; but it is evident, according to the text, that it came about thus. « The Philistines had carried away to Ashdod the ark of Jehovah; they installed it in the temple of Dagon, they placed it beside Dagon himself. Now, on the morrow, the inhabitants of Ashdod, having risen early in the morning, found Dagon lying upon the ground, his face against the earth, before the ark; but they raised Dagon up and put him back in his place. » (1 Samuel 5:1-3) The second night was more terrible still than the first. Jehovah was vexed at having to share with Dagon the homages of the Ashdodites. Perhaps, within himself, he felt that his jealousy was ridiculous and that his manners had nothing distinguished about them; for, during the day, he kept quiet at the bottom of his chest... Ah! if the devotees who then filled the temple had seen him spring out of his box, if he had extolled to them the superiority of his worship, it is possible that the Ashdodites would have renounced their idol; but no! he must have felt a certain shame at his conduct. In fact, he waited again to be alone, without witnesses, in the darkness, to let his ill humour burst out, to glut his resentment. This time, Dagon caught it properly. « On the second morning, the inhabitants of Ashdod found Dagon lying again upon the ground, before the ark, and his head and his two hands, having been cut off, were upon the threshold of the temple; the trunk alone of Dagon had remained near the chest. » (1 Samuel 5:4) 195. The idol of Dagon is overthrown. All this was well fitted to trouble the Philistines of this city, who understood nothing of it, and who, in their candour, were a hundred leagues from suspecting the divine inhabitant of the sacred box of being the author of these acts of vandalism. But an appalling scourge troubled them more, a little afterwards. Here, the textual translation must be given: « Next the hand of God fell heavy upon the hinder parts of the Ashdodites; it put into their anuses a disgusting malady; both at Ashdod and in the environs, the Philistines were smitten in the most secret part of the buttocks, and to all of them, to the great as well as to the small, the bowel of the fundament came out, and their fundament being come outside rotted. » (1 Samuel 5:6) This time, the Ashdodites understood that it was the finger of the god of Israel which had accomplished the baleful work. The magistrates ordered Jehovah and his chest to be transported to another city. The city of Gath received the sacred box, and its arrival was at once signalized by a general turning-out of the fundaments and by a rotting of the bowels of the seat (1 Samuel 5:7-9). From Gath the holy ark passed to Ekron, where the phenomenon of the everted sphincters was immediately produced (1 Samuel 5:10). At the same time, there was in the countryside a spontaneous generation of rats. These rats showed themselves insatiable gnawers, and the Philistine fundaments were more than ever in a pulp; « and the men who died not were overwhelmed with haemorrhoids, in such sort that a cry of pain rose everywhere unto heaven » (1 Samuel 5:12). For seven months, the Philistines carried the ark of Jehovah about from city to city, and this promenade succeeded only in propagating the horrible malady. (1 Samuel 6:1) Finally, the diviners of Phoenicia were consulted; these were priests of a false religion, — false, if one places oneself at the point of view of the Christian theologians, — but they were excellent prophets all the same. The Philistines were fairly well decided to send back the ark of Jehovah. « Their diviners answered: If ye send back the ark of the god of Israel, take good heed not to send it back without accompanying it with a present to get your sins pardoned. Now, since the governments of this country are to the number of five, make five anuses of gold and five mice of gold, which shall be your gift to the god of Israel; then, perhaps, he will no more lay his hand heavy upon your hinder parts nor upon your fields. Wherefore should ye harden your heart, as Egypt and Pharaoh hardened their heart? Take therefore a waggon quite new and two young cows suckling their calves, upon which the yoke hath not yet been put, and shut up their calves in the stable. Ye shall put the ark of Jehovah upon the waggon, and ye shall place beside the ark a basket containing the anuses of gold and the mice of gold; then, let the waggon go where the cows shall wish to go. But look well which way the waggon shall go: if it go to Beth-shemesh, ye may be certain that it is the god of Israel who hath put the malady into your anuses and the gnawers into your fields; if, on the contrary, the waggon go not to Beth-shemesh, we shall know that it is not that god who hath smitten us, and that all hath happened by chance. » (1 Samuel 6:3-9) In reading this story, one cannot help recalling that of Sarah, carried off for her beauty, at the age of ninety, by the king of Gerar, who believed her the sister of Abraham. One remembers that, so long as the king did not send back the wife of the patriarch, all the ladies of the country of Gerar had their vulvas closed, by decree of Jehovah. Here, it is upon the Philistine fundaments that the finger of God makes war, so long as the ark is not sent back to the Hebrews. Unfortunate vulvas! wretched fundaments! their innocence was nevertheless evidence itself, in these astonishing adventures. Why did the whimsical Jehovah amnesty the procuring of Abraham, the only guilty one in the affair of Gerar, since he was speculating upon the charms of his wife by passing her off as his sister? Why did the same Jehovah punish the Philistines for having seized him by taking him with his chest, since it was he himself who had got himself taken by them? Mystery and divine rambling. The fact remains that the Philistines followed the counsel of their diviners. They manufactured the five golden mice and the five golden arse-holes, which represented the offering of their five chief seats of government: Ashdod, Gaza, Ashkelon, Gath and Ekron. They flung the ark and their offering upon a cart, harnessed to it the two young cows deprived of their calves and let them loose across the fields without a driver. « And the young cows took straight the road of Beth-shemesh, keeping always the same way in walking and in lowing; and they turned aside neither to the right nor to the left; and the governors of the Philistines went after them until near Beth-shemesh. » (1 Samuel 6:12) How marvellous all this is! and how right the devout have to be proud, in believing in the dogmas of so fine a religion! Prophets, one sees, are not lacking in the Bible. The diviners of the Philistines, an accursed people, are here regarded as true prophets; each country had its own, and the author of the book, being a prophet himself, respects his own character even in the idolatrous foreigners who make a profession of it. In his extraordinary power, Jehovah lavishes the supernatural, to the point of inspiring the prophets of false gods, witness Balaam, and he does not even disdain to accord the gift of miracles to the magicians of religions hostile to his own, witness the magicians of Egypt Jannes and Jambres, who worked the same miracles as Moses. And the cows which bring back the ark, are they not a kind of miracle? They go, driven by divine inspiration, to Beth-shemesh, among the Hebrews; it seems therefore that these cows had become prophetesses too. « Now, the people of Beth-shemesh were reaping the corn in the valley; and they lifted up their eyes and saw the ark, and they were greatly rejoiced thereat. The waggon stopped in the field of Joshua the Beth-shemite; there was there a great stone; then the wood of the waggon was cleft, a pile was made thereof, and the two young cows were offered in holocaust unto the Eternal. For the Levites took down the ark of the Lord, as well as the basket which contained the anuses of gold and the mice of gold, and they put the whole upon the great stone. » (1 Samuel 6:13-15) 196. Marvellous return of the ark. It is not finished!... It was a long time since Jehovah had struck anyone of his people with lightning, and how could he have made his re-entry among the Hebrews without treating himself to the luxury of a little slaughter?... Savour then what follows: « But the Eternal smote with sudden death people of Beth-shemesh, because they came to look into his ark; there were thus fifty thousand and seventy men who were smitten. And the people wept, because of this terrible chastisement of those who had wished to see Jehovah. » (v. 19) Papa Good God was not trifling and could not suffer curiosity on his subject. Had he not declared, on many occasions, that, save for rare exceptions, whoever should see him face to face would lose his life that very instant? Thus, those great gapers of Beth-shemites were well forewarned. I ask you a little, what a confounded idea to go and look into the ark!... Evidently, the Philistines were more respectful and carefully abstained from ever lifting the lid of the sacred box; and so Jehovah contented himself with damaging their arse-holes. Another observation, in passing: although unknown to the geographers, this city of Beth-shemesh must have been very important, given this destruction of fifty thousand and seventy men at a single stroke!... And, while we are about it, why not say that this sudden death of so many thousands of Beth-shemites makes known to us, beyond further doubt, of what country the Holy Ghost is?... Follow my reasoning closely. It is materially impossible that fifty thousand and seventy persons should have surrounded the ark all together, at the same time, is it not so?... Let us put ten, twenty, — thirty, if you like, — who lifted the lid at once and plunged their gaze into the chest. These first thirty curious ones are at once punished for their boldness; slap! they have fallen thunderstruck. That thirty others should not have understood the lesson and should have been, in their turn, struck with sudden death, that may pass. Add even a third round of rash ones, instantly chastised in this terrible fashion. Sapristi! it is hard to swallow that the Beth-shemites should have wished to continue to approach, should have stepped over the corpses to look into the sacred box, and, in a word, that they should have had noddles hard enough to persist in getting themselves struck down one after another, when they were observing the immediate execution of their predecessors. However obstinate they might be, the Beth-shemites were necessarily stopped as soon as the accumulation of corpses became a barrier, and it did not need many dozens for that barrier to be impassable. On the contrary, as soon as some sixty were slain, there must have been a general movement backwards, a recoil of terror. The number indicated by the text is therefore greatly exaggerated, that is perfectly evident. To seventy victims the divine pigeon has added fifty thousand, most certainly.... But then?... Then, we have at last the countries of origin of the three gods of the Trinity!... God the Son is a Jew, born at Bethlehem; that is well known. God the Father, or Jehovah, who swore to Noah never again to make men perish by a deluge... of water, and who turned his solemn oath by practising the deluge of fire, Jehovah, I say, is a Norman. As for the pigeon, who ceaselessly exaggerates at pleasure, — and, this time, the exaggeration falling into the impossible is flagrant, — he is from Tarascon, Bouches-du-Rhône, by Jove! (‘he is from Tarascon’ — the town of Alphonse Daudet’s Tartarin, proverbial in France for boastful exaggeration) Caught, my old pigeon!... With your story of the Beth-shemites struck down by thousands, killed like flies, you have denounced yourself as a compatriot of our dear Tartarin; and who knows whether you are not of his very family?... Upon this, we shall astonish no reader in recalling, according to a new biblical verse (1 Samuel 6:21), that the people of Beth-shemesh who had survived the massacre hastened to send the ark elsewhere; the text says: to Kirjath-jearim. The death-dealing chest remained there twenty years. It is only at the end of this time that Papa Good God decided to make his people gain a great victory over the Philistines, between Mizpah and Beth-car (1 Samuel 7:11). Samuel was still judge of Israel. Conforming to his mother’s vow, he let his hair grow more than ever; it is added that he knew how to make himself loved by the Hebrews through benefits of every sort, and that his popularity was immense. Then, when the son of Hannah saw himself growing old, he named his two sons, Joel and Abijah, his coadjutors for rendering justice; but it appears that these were hardly worth more than Hophni and Phinehas. « And his sons imitated not his virtuous examples; for they turned aside towards dishonest gains, they caused presents to be given them to render unjust judgments ». (1 Samuel 8:3) 197. Numerous benefits of Samuel. A curious fact: Jehovah, who had caused the sons of Eli to die, did not bring out his thunderbolt, however scandalous the corruption of the sons of Samuel might be; a magistracy of bribes therefore left him unmoved and was in his eyes a peccadillo beside the sacrilegious forkfuls from the pot of the holocausts. CHAPTER 12 Saul, first king, and his rival David It would be strangely mistaken to imagine the history of Samuel on the point of ending at the moment when the Bible represents the prophet as so overwhelmed by old age that he is obliged to unburden upon his sons the principal functions of his theocratic government; Samuel, in the midst of the Jews, played an important part until his death, and we shall even see him act in person after his death. One fine morning, the chiefs of the people assembled and came to find Samuel, to ask him for a « melch », that is to say a king. The neighbouring nations have kings; why should we not have one? such was the theme of the discourse of the delegates. The prophet, after having consulted Jehovah, answered by drawing them a not very inviting picture of royalty. « You want a king? said he to the chiefs of the people; well then! know what will be the usage of that king who shall command you. He will take your sons to make of them his carters; he will make of them his soldiers; he will make of them ploughmen of his fields, reapers of his corn, blacksmiths to forge him arms; he will make of your daughters his perfumers, his cooks and his bakers; he will take your best fields, your best vineyards, your best plantations of olive-trees, and will give them to his valets; he will have eunuchs, to whom he will give the tithe of your vintages and of your harvests; he will take from you even your men-servants and your maid-servants, and the flower of your young men, and even your asses, and will make them work for him. Then, you will cry out against your king; but the Lord will not hearken unto you, because it is you yourselves who asked for that king. » (1 Samuel 8:11-18) In spite of all his eloquence, Samuel could not make the people hear reason; it is just to say that his indictment of royalty smacked a little too much of vexation at seeing the Israelites desire the restriction of the sacerdotal power. In short, the simple Hebrews, shorn by their priests, were quite simply asking to change their shearer. Now, Jehovah ended by saying to his prophet: « Do what they desire; establish a king over them. » (v. 22) For whom then was God reserving the first crown in Israel?... « There was a man of the tribe of Benjamin, named Kish, very vigorous; he had a son, called Saul, of fine figure, and who overtopped the people by a whole head. » (1 Samuel 9:1-2) Saul was a lad of very simple habits; at his father’s, he was keeper of the she-asses. No doubt he sometimes had his moments of inattention; for the young man made the acquaintance of Samuel on the occasion of these she-asses, which had escaped. Father Kish had sent him in search of them, in the company of a little farm servant. Now, as they explored all the surroundings without success, the little servant, no fool he, put forward the idea of consulting a « seer » in order to discover where the untraceable she-asses were. Saul observed that it was necessary to offer something to the diviner, but that unfortunately he had no present upon him. — Do not let that worry you, answered the young servant; here is a quarter of a shekel which I have just found; we will offer it to the man of God. This quarter of a shekel was worth about eight sous of our money. The Bible therefore shows us (1 Samuel 9) Saul and his servant arriving in a village and asking for the dwelling of the « seer » who will make them find their she-asses again, as one asks where the cobbler lives. This name of « seer », which was then given to those who have since been named prophets, these eight or nine sous presented to this Samuel who is claimed to have been judge and prince of the people are, according to the critics, palpable testimonies of the gross stupidity of the unknown Jewish author. The girls of the village pointed out the diviner’s house to Saul and his companion; these betook themselves there. « Now, Jehovah, speaking on the eve into the ear of Samuel, had revealed to him in these terms the coming of Saul: At this very hour, to-morrow, I will send thee a man of the tribe of Benjamin; thou shalt anoint him, that he may be king over my people of Israel, and he shall wrest my people from the yoke of the Philistines, because I have looked upon my people and their cry is come up unto me. » (1 Samuel 9:15-16) — « And, as soon as Samuel had looked upon Saul, the Eternal said unto him: Behold the man of whom I spake to thee yesterday; it is he who shall rule over my people. » (1 Samuel 9:17) — Then, Saul having asked Samuel where the village diviner was, « Samuel answered him: It is I myself who am the Seer; go up with me to the high place, and ye shall eat to-day with me; I will let thee go to-morrow morning, and I will tell thee all that thou hast upon thy heart. » (1 Samuel 9:19) The seer had company to dinner that day, thirty persons; he put Saul in the place of honour and had a shoulder of mutton served to him by his cook, for himself alone. (1 Samuel 9:22-24) In order first to remove from him all care on the subject of the lost she-asses, he had revealed to him that they were found again and that he would see them on returning to his father’s house. Finally, before separating, the next morning, Samuel rubbed the head of Saul with oil and informed him that from then on he was king and, moreover, that the spirit of God had entered into him. 198. Samuel offers the crown to Saul. And, in truth, it was so: a complete transformation of the son of Kish had taken place, he was no longer the same man. Scarcely back at the paternal house, he observed the return of his dear she-asses and set about prophesying as if he had never done anything else all his life. (1 Samuel 10:1-16) 199. The spirit of God takes possession of Saul. In those days, the holy ark had been transferred to Mizpah. It is in this city that Samuel convoked the Israelite people; the divine pigeon does not specify the epoch and abstains from saying how the millions of individuals who composed the Jewish nation could assemble there. « All the people being therefore assembled at Mizpah, Samuel said unto the children of Israel: I am going to repeat unto you the words which the Eternal hath made me to hear: I have brought Israel out of Egypt and I have delivered it from all its oppressors; but to-day ye have rejected your God, and ye have said unto his prophet: Give us a king. Well, now ye shall all file past, thousand by thousand, tribe by tribe, before the ark wherein is the Lord. Thus, Samuel caused all the tribes of Israel to draw near, and the lot fell upon that of Benjamin. Afterwards, he caused lots to be drawn among the families of the tribe of Benjamin, and the lot fell upon the family of Matri; at last, in the family of Matri, the lot fell upon Saul, son of Kish. » (1 Samuel 10:18-21) One will perhaps be astonished that Samuel did not quite simply say to the people: Saul has been designated to me by the Eternal for some time past, and I have already rubbed him with oil; he is therefore your king. But the operation of drawing lots no doubt had its use, in order not to make people jealous. Jehovah being master of the lot, the old prophet was therefore quite certain that Saul would be the elect; for God could not, in letting the choice be made by a chance pure of all cheating, expose himself to rendering invalid the recent anointing of his favourite. If one refers to the prophecies of Jacob, one will see that it was to the tribe of Judah that the royalty had been promised. Jehovah had therefore forgotten this prophecy when the Jewish monarchy was instituted. But he was not slow to remember it, and that is why we shall soon see the crown pass from the head of Saul to that of a descendant of Judah; in this way, the divine oversight will be repaired, and the prophecy of the patriarch will henceforward be accomplished. Meanwhile, the people bowed before the result of the drawing of lots. Now, at that moment, total absence of the elect!... Where is Saul? what has become of Saul? such was the question everybody was asking. The Eternal is questioned to know whether Saul would come. « And the Eternal made his voice to be heard, saying: Saul is present, but he hath hidden himself among the baggage (sic). Then, the Jews ran and drew him from his hiding-place; he was brought into the assembly of the people; there, it was plainly seen that he was taller than all the others, his shoulders coming level with the top of their heads. And Samuel said unto all the people: See ye not that there is none among you who is like unto him whom the Eternal hath chosen? Then, the whole nation raised cries of joy, and this clamour resounded: Long live the king! » (v. 22-24) 200. Solemn anointing of Saul. From the verses which follow, it seems to result that Samuel was, first of all, the prime minister of the new monarch. In fact, it was he who wrote the law of the kingdom, and his precious manuscript was deposited beside the ark; but dissensions between Saul and Samuel were not slow to break out. 202. Saul names Samuel prime minister. About a month passed. King Saul, good-natured and not in the least proud, in no way realized the horrible type of the tyrant which Samuel had brandished like a spectre to turn the Jews from their desire to live under a monarchy. Instead of forming a court for himself, of having a palace built, of surrounding himself with bodyguards, the son of Kish had peacefully returned to his family’s farm and continued to live his rustic life. Meanwhile, Nahash, king of the Ammonites, undertook to seize the Jewish city of Jabesh, in Gilead. « He established his camp near Jabesh and besieged the city; and the inhabitants of Jabesh, intimidated, said unto Nahash: Receive us to composition, and we will serve thee. Nahash answered them: I am willing to treat an alliance with you, but on one condition: which is that I shall first put out the right eye of every one of you, and afterwards I shall do as much to all Israel, to cover your nation with reproach. The elders of Jabesh replied: Grant us seven days of truce, that we may send messengers into all Israel; if no one come to deliver us, we will surrender ourselves to thee. The delegates came therefore to Gibeah, where Saul dwelt. » (1 Samuel 11:1-4) « And behold, Saul was returning from the fields, following his oxen, and, seeing that the people were weeping, he asked: Wherefore these tears? They related to him what the delegates of Jabesh had said. Then, the spirit of God seized Saul, who fell into a great anger; he took two of his oxen, cut them in pieces, and he sent thereof to each tribe, with this message: The oxen of those who shall not come to the war shall be dealt with in like manner, that is to say of those who shall not follow Saul and Samuel. And all set themselves on foot; at the review which was held at Bezek, there were thirty thousand soldiers of Judah and three hundred thousand of the other tribes. 201. The Israelites weep over the fate of the inhabitants of Jabesh. There, Saul said unto the delegates of Jabesh: Ye shall be delivered to-morrow, when the sun shall have arrived at the middle of his course. The delegates returned, and there was a great joy at Jabesh. Then, the besieged said unto the Ammonites: We will surrender ourselves to you within a day, from this moment, and ye shall do to us all that ye will. Now, from the next morning, Saul divided his army into three bodies; he marched upon the Ammonites, overthrew them in their camp and exterminated them until noon; and those who escaped therefrom were so scattered that there remained not two of them together. » (1 Samuel 11:5-11) 203. Jabesh delivered by Saul. « Then the people said: Let the prisoners be delivered to us, that we may put them to death! But Saul answered: No, no one shall be put to death this day, because to-day Jehovah hath delivered Israel. And Samuel said unto the people: Let us all go to Gilgal, and there we will confirm the royalty. And all the people came to Gilgal; great feasts were made; joyful sacrifices were offered unto the Eternal; and Saul and all the Israelites rejoiced greatly. » (v. 12-15) The critics are not surprised that Saul should have been an obscure king, giving himself up to the labours of agriculture and returning to the paternal farm with his oxen; but they refuse to admit that he could raise, all at once, in five days, an army of three hundred and thirty thousand combatants, at the very time when the author represents the Jews as still under the dependence of the Philistines, when the Bible says that the people of God had not a lance, not a sword, and that their masters did not allow them so much as an iron instrument to sharpen their ploughs, their mattocks, their pruning-hooks. « Our Gulliver, writes lord Bolingbroke, has such fables, but not such contradictions. » At chapter 12, we have a grumbling discourse of Samuel, who invokes old age in order to hand in his resignation; the government of the Judges is definitively ended. Samuel does not retire willingly. He urges upon the people that the fact of having asked for a king is a great sin which the Jews have added to so many others. But after all, now, he concludes, since you have a king, keep him; he is, moreover, the anointed of the Lord; above all, redouble your piety towards Jehovah. And, to prove to the Hebrews that Jehovah still listened to him, even after his retirement from politics, Samuel executed, there and then, one of those miracles such as one finds only in the Bible. « See, said he to the people, see this great thing which the Eternal is about to do, at my voice, before your eyes. Is it not to-day the harvest of the corn? Well, I will cry unto the Eternal, and he shall make it thunder and rain, that ye may know and that ye may see how great is the evil which ye have committed in asking a king. Then, Samuel raised a cry unto the Eternal, and Jehovah made it thunder with crashing and rain in torrents that day, and all the people feared greatly Jehovah and Samuel » (1 Samuel 12:16-18). After which, the old prophet went away, not without having promised his dear compatriots that he would never forget them in his prayers and giving to understand that he still reserved to himself the right to teach them, on occasion, the good and straight road. In short, the retirement of Samuel greatly resembled a false exit. 204. Samuel hands in his resignation. « Saul had reigned one year, when these things happened, and he reigned two years over Israel. » (1 Samuel 13:1) Here, the critics cry out upon the contradiction and the anachronism, since the Bible, in other places, says that Saul reigned forty years. « Saul was thirty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned forty-two years over Israel. » (1 Samuel 13:1, in other versions) We know that the Israelites dreaded the ill humour of Samuel. His resignation dismayed them. They thought they saw in the sky signs of approaching catastrophes. Their enemies, learning of the situation, prepared to fall upon them again; which was not calculated to raise the morale of Saul’s subjects. The three hundred and thirty thousand men of the recent general levy melted like butter in the pan. Thus, « when the Philistines assembled to fight against Israel and armed thirty thousand chariots of war, six thousand horsemen and soldiers in so great number that their troops resembled the sand which is upon the shore of the sea, and when the Philistines came and encamped at Michmash, to the east of Beth-aven, then the people of Israel were dismayed; most of the Hebrews, seeing themselves at the last extremity, hid themselves in the caverns, in the rocks, and even in the cisterns; the others, passing the Jordan, took refuge in the land of Gad and of Gilead. » (v. 5-7) 205. Signs of imminent misfortunes. Saul was at Gilgal, where the least terrified ranged themselves about him. In order to render Jehovah propitious, the king judged that it was opportune to offer the holocaust; Samuel let it be known that he would come and sacrifice himself. « And Saul waited seven days, according to the term fixed by Samuel; but Samuel came not to Gilgal, and the people drew away more and more from Saul. Then Saul said: Let the peaceful holocaust be brought me. And he offered the holocaust. Now, scarcely had he finished offering the holocaust when Samuel arrived; and, as Saul was coming to meet him to salute him, Samuel said unto him: What hast thou done? Saul answered him: Seeing that thou camest not on the day which thou hadst fixed for me, and the Philistines being in arms at Michmash, constrained by necessity, I have offered the holocaust unto the Lord. 206. Saul usurps the sacerdotal functions of Samuel. Samuel said unto Saul: Thou hast acted foolishly; thou hast not observed the commandments of Jehovah; if thou hadst not done that, the Lord would have established for ever thy reign over Israel; but, now, thy reign shall not be stable: the Eternal hath sought himself a man after his own heart, and it is he whom he hath destined to reign over his people. Then, Samuel went away from Gilgal to Gibeah; and Saul having made the review of those who were with him, there were found about six hundred. » (1 Samuel 13:8-15) As an army, that was feeble, above all after having commanded three hundred and thirty thousand men! Between ourselves, one cannot help observing that Samuel was a queer customer. In all this affair, he shows a singular ill will. The Bible nowhere gives him as high priest; the high priest was Ahijah, son of Ahitub, who was the brother of Ichabod, son of Phinehas, son of Eli (1 Samuel 14:3). Samuel was only priest and prophet; now, Saul was so as much as he, since he had prophesied as soon as he had been anointed; therefore, Saul committed no error in believing himself entitled to offer the holocaust. Moreover, does it not seem that Samuel, whose preceding discourses all clearly prove that he could not stomach having been obliged to abdicate his magistracy in order to institute a king, does it not seem, I say, that Samuel deliberately broke his word in order to have a pretext for blaming Saul and rendering him odious to the people?... And if there was one man who had not intrigued to obtain the government of Israel, it was indeed the son of Kish, Saul, the keeper of she-asses! Be that as it may, the situation was not a gay one. « Even there were not found blacksmiths in all the lands of Israel; for the Philistines had forbidden it them, for fear that the Hebrews should forge a sword or a lance; and all the Israelites were obliged to go to the Philistines to sharpen the share of their ploughs, their coulters, their axes and their mattocks; the Philistines permitted them to have nothing but files to mend their mattocks, their coulters, their three-pronged forks and their goads. » (1 Samuel 13:19-21) — « And when the day of the battle was come, there was not found any one of the six hundred men remaining with Saul who had a sword or a halberd, except only Saul himself and his son Jonathan. » (1 Samuel 13:22) It is evident that in these conditions the game was not an equal one. The three hundred and thirty thousand combatants who, the preceding year, had overthrown the Ammonites round Jabesh, possessed, evidently, neither swords nor halberds either; but it mattered little then that they were armed only with their pitchforks, their formidable number had won them the victory. With six hundred soldiers only, without swords, it was another pair of sleeves, and one understands that Saul made a sad figure before the Philistines camped at Michmash. Fortunately, young Jonathan, son of the king, was a boxer of the first force, at the same time as a resolute fellow, fond of bold strokes. Without saying anything about it to his father, he took away one morning a servant, who carried his arms, and they both went and prowled near the outposts of the Philistine army. It was thus that they perceived enemy soldiers, who had established themselves at a raised spot, dominating the rocks of Bozez and Seneh (1 Samuel 14:4). From their height, the Philistines saw the two men; « and they said: Behold the Hebrews, who come forth from the caverns where they had hidden themselves. Then, those of the outpost called out to Jonathan and to the servant who followed him bearing his arms: Holla! cried they to them, come up then unto us; we will show you our nakedness, and we will amuse ourselves. Jonathan said unto his servant: Come up after me; I see that Jehovah hath delivered them into our hands. And Jonathan climbed up the rocks, helping himself with his feet and his hands, and so did his servant who still bore his arms; and when he was near those of the outpost, Jonathan threw himself upon them unawares, knocking them down with his fists, and, as fast as they fell, his servant who bore his arms killed them behind him. They killed thus twenty men within half an acre; and this was the first defeat of the Philistines. » (1 Samuel 14:11-14) 207. Jonathan falls unexpectedly upon the Philistines. During this time, Saul, who had called the high priest Ahijah to him, was preparing to attend a sacrifice; and all at once, a great uproar was heard on the side of the Philistines. « Now, behold: the Philistines had drawn their swords one against another, and they slew one another. Then, those of the Israelites who had hidden themselves in the caverns of the mountain of Ephraim came forth therefrom, fell upon the Philistines, pursued them and overtook them, as far as Beth-aven. On that day therefore, Jehovah delivered Israel. » (v. 20-23) « Then, the Israelites being very much harassed, Saul made, with all the people, this oath: Cursed shall be whosoever, from now until this evening, shall have eaten of no matter what food; no one shall eat, until the vengeance have reached the enemies. And the people tasted no more any food. Meanwhile, the people were then in a wooded country, and at the edge of the forest there were hives, whose honey ran, even upon the earth of the field; but no one of the people dared take of that honey and carry it to his mouth, for all respected the oath. 208. Jonathan, famished, comes upon a hive. Now, Jonathan knew nothing of the oath which his father had made the people swear; he stretched out the end of his staff, and, having dipped it in a honeycomb, he carried some of it with his hand to his mouth, and behold immediately his eyes saw much more clearly. Then, a man of the people said unto him: Thy father hath made an oath of malediction to be sworn against whosoever should take any food whatsoever to-day. Jonathan answered: In this, my father hath troubled the country; see, I pray you, how my sight is cleared, for having tasted a little of this honey. If the people, who are worn out with fatigue, had eaten well to-day and recovered their strength, would not the defeat of the Philistines have been much greater? » (v. 24-30) 209. Jonathan tastes the honey. — The people ended by following the counsel of Jonathan; the sheep, the oxen and the calves, which formed part of the booty taken from the enemy, were slaughtered, and they feasted. But the most serious thing is that the famished Jews ate the meat without having first thoroughly bled the victims; in this, they contravened the most formal prescriptions of the Mosaic law (v. 31-32). « A report of all this was made unto Saul in these terms: The people sin against the Eternal, they eat flesh with the blood. And Saul said unto the people: Ye have transgressed the law of God! Well, roll a great stone unto me, and let each one bring me his bull and his sheep; we will cut the throat of everything here, bleeding the beasts; and, in eating them thus, ye shall sin no more against the Eternal. And each one of the people brought his bull, by the hand, that night, and all their cattle were slaughtered. » (v. 33-34). — What a hecatomb! — « Then, Saul built an altar unto the Eternal. Then, he said: Let us not await the rising of the day; let us go down into the plain, and let us make an end this night with the Philistines; let not one of them survive! But the sacrificer said unto him: Take no decision before having consulted God. Saul consulted therefore the Eternal, in these terms: Shall I pursue the Philistines? wilt thou deliver them into the hands of Israel this day? And Jehovah, remaining mute, gave him no answer. » (v. 35-37) In vain Saul glued his ear against the holy ark (which the high priest Ahijah had had brought), in vain did he hope to hear the divine voice. Jehovah persisted in his silence. Then Saul understood that Papa Good God was not pleased. With what could master Jehovah possibly be annoyed? The high priest Ahijah, grandson of Phinehas, was certainly not dipping into the sacred pot; for he could not be ignorant that this impious greediness had earned his grandfather a tragic death. Saul felt himself personally innocent of any sin, and, in fact, he had committed none that the Bible makes known. Jonathan, who had eaten honey in ignorance of his father’s oath, was evidently not guilty; and, besides, had Jehovah accepted so absurd an oath? for to forbid troops to regain their strength on a day of combat is a confounded imprudence!... Consequently, if the Eternal was displeased, it seems that it must have been against the people who had stuffed themselves with the flesh of the Philistine cattle, without having first bled the beasts, contrary to the law of Moses, dictated by God himself. It is true that this gluttonous people had, immediately afterwards, in the same night, devoured its own cattle while conforming this time to the ritual prescriptions. If at that moment our Jews were not suffering from an indigestion, it is because they had solid stomachs! In short, since Jehovah refused to answer, it was necessary first to discover who was guilty towards him. « Then, Saul said unto all Israel: Place yourselves all on one side; and, I and my son Jonathan, we will place ourselves on the other side. The people answered Saul: Do as it shall seem good to thee. And Saul said unto the Eternal: Make known at least who is guilty. Lots were drawn before the ark, and the lot fell upon Jonathan and Saul, and the people escaped. Then, Saul said again: Now, let the lot be cast between me and my son. And the lot designated Jonathan. Then, Saul said unto his son: Declare unto me what thou hast done. Jonathan declared it unto him: It is true that I have tasted a little honey, taken upon the end of my staff; well, be it so, I am ready to die. And Saul cried out: May God punish me severely, if thou die not to-day, Jonathan!... 210. Saul condemns his son to death. But the people implored Saul, saying unto him: What! shall Jonathan die, he who hath delivered Israel by his courage so marvellous? That cannot be. God, who is living, will not permit that a single hair fall from his head; for it is by the protection of God that Jonathan hath accomplished his great exploit. Thus the people saved Jonathan from death. » (1 Samuel 14:40-45) 211. Saul pardons. The sequel of the story informs us that Saul having renounced pursuing the Philistines, these returned into their country; but it was only a postponement. During a period of time whose duration the sacred author does not indicate to us, the reign of the son of Kish was fairly glorious. « Saul reigned therefore over Israel, and on all sides he made war with success against his enemies, against the Moabites, the Ammonites, the Idumeans, against the kings of Zobah and against the Philistines; wheresoever he carried his arms, he had the victory. He raised also a great army, wherewith he beat the Amalekites, and he delivered Israel from the hand of those who pillaged it. » (v. 47-48) The inexhaustible chapter 14 makes known to us at last the principal members of the family of Saul. His grandfather, named Abiel, had had two sons: Kish, already cited, and Ner, who begot Abner; this Abner, first cousin of the king, was the commander-in-chief of the Israelite army. The queen was named Ahinoam and was the daughter of a certain Ahimaaz. Independently of Jonathan, Saul had two sons, Ishui and Melchishua, and two daughters, Merab, the elder, and Michal, the younger; he had yet two other boys, Abinadab and Ish-bosheth. But now old Samuel is going to come back upon the scene for a few moments; it is he who had war declared upon the Amalekites, although these were keeping quite quiet. « Samuel came unto Saul and said unto him: It is the Eternal who hath sent me to anoint thee; now, since thou art king over Israel by the will of Jehovah, hearken to what Jehovah ordaineth thee by my mouth, for I repeat to thee the very words which the Eternal hath said to me: I have just recalled to my memory that Amalek let not my people pass over his territory, when it came out of Egypt; it is needful therefore, now, to kill all the Amalekites; let no one be spared; covet nothing of what this nation possesseth, but destroy all; kill all, the women as well as the men, the big boys and the little children still at the breast; and kill also their oxen, their sheep, their camels and their asses. » (1 Samuel 15:1-3) The critics, even the most moderate, speak of this passage of the Bible only with horror. What! cries lord Bolingbroke above all, to make the Creator of the universe come down into an unknown corner of this wretched globe, to say to some Jews: By the way, I suddenly remember that about five hundred years ago a little people refused you passage! Come, you have a terrible war with your masters the Philistines, against whom you have revolted; well, leave that embarrassing war, and go off against that little people, who formerly did not wish your ancestors to come and lay everything waste in their country. Massacre men, women, children and old men! slaughter oxen, cows, goats, camels, asses; for, as you are at war with the powerful people of the Philistines, it is well that you should have neither oxen nor sheep to eat, nor asses to carry your baggage and your campaign victuals!... « Saul, therefore, assembled his people, convoked by the criers; the review was passed at Telaim, and it was found that the tribe of Judah had furnished ten thousand men ready to fight; the contingent furnished by the other tribes was of two hundred thousand footmen. » (v. 4) So be it! we are no longer at the six hundred troopers of the camp of Gilgal, although one may ask what had become of the hundred and twenty thousand other soldiers who had fought the first battles of Saul’s reign. Scarcely a year ago, the Israelite army numbered three hundred and thirty thousand heroes, who had come to fight the Ammonites without having a single sword, a single lance, and Saul has no more than two hundred and ten thousand left!... Where has the rest gone?... Ah! pigeon, divine pigeon, how thoroughly you are of Tarascon-sur-Rhône, my good fellow!... The victory of the Jewish army was brilliant; the Amalekites were beaten hollow, from Havilah as far as Shur: Saul made prisoners in prodigious number, and the Israelites massacred their captives without any pity. 212. Saul brings back the Amalekites prisoners However, Saul spared king Agag, judging no doubt that he ought to perform an act of comradeship towards an individual of the same rank as himself. 213. King Agag is spared. This clemency offended father Sabaoth. He appeared to Samuel and said to him: « I repent of having established Saul king; for he hath turned aside from me, in not executing entirely my orders. Then, Samuel had a great grief, and he passed all that night crying towards heaven. » (1 Samuel 15:10-11) 214. Despair of Samuel. What were the consequences of this divine apparition and of this night of howlings?... This chapter of the Bible has been presented by Voltaire in a striking fashion in his drama Saul. The scene takes place at Gilgal, and the action opens with a colloquy between the Jewish king and Baza, his confidant. Baza. — O great Saul! O most powerful of kings, you who reign over the three lakes, in the space of more than five hundred stadia, you, conqueror of the generous Agag, king of Amalek, whose captains were mounted upon the most powerful asses, as well as the fifty sons of Amalek; you whom Adonai caused to triumph at once over Dagon and over Beelzebub; you who, no doubt, will bring the whole earth under your laws, as God has so often promised, what grief could trouble you amid such noble triumphs and such great hopes? Saul. — O my dear Baza! a thousand times happy is he who leads in peace the bleating flocks of Benjamin and presses the sweet grape of the valley of Engedi!... Alas! I was seeking my father’s she-asses, I found a kingdom; since that day, I have known nothing but sadness... Would to God, on the contrary, that I had sought a kingdom and found she-asses! I should have made a better bargain... Samuel, you know it, anointed me in spite of himself; he did what he could to prevent the people from choosing a prince, and as soon as I was elected, he became the cruellest of all my enemies... Baza. — You should indeed have expected it; he was a priest, and you were a warrior; he governed before you: one always hates one’s successor. Saul. — Eh! could he hope to govern any longer? He had associated with his power his unworthy children, equally corrupt and corrupting, who publicly sold justice: the whole nation rose against that sacerdotal power. A king was drawn by lot: the sacred dice announced the will of heaven; the people ratified it, and Samuel shuddered. It is not enough to hate in me a prince chosen by heaven, he hates the prophet too; for he knows that, like him, I have the name of seer, that I have prophesied like him; and this new proverb, spread through Israel, Saul also is among the prophets, offends but too much his haughty ears. He is still respected; for my misfortune he is a priest, he is dangerous. Baza. — Your Royal Highness is too well established by his victories, and king Agag, your illustrious prisoner, is here a sure guarantee to you of the fidelity of your people, equally delighted with your victory and with your clemency... See, they are bringing him before Your Royal Highness. Entrance of Agag, surrounded by soldiers. Agag. — Gentle and powerful conqueror, model of princes, you who know how to conquer and to pardon, I cast myself at your sacred knees; deign to ordain yourself what I must give for my ransom; I shall henceforward be a neighbour, a faithful ally, a submissive vassal; I see in you nothing more than a benefactor and a master: I shall admire, I shall love in you the image of the God who punishes and pardons. Saul. — Illustrious prince, whom misfortune renders still greater, I have done nothing but my duty in saving your life: kings must respect their fellows; he who avenges himself after victory is unworthy of conquering; I set no ransom upon your person, it is of an inestimable price. Be free; the tributes which you shall pay to Israel shall be marks less of submission than of friendship: it is thus that kings ought to treat with one another. Agag. — O virtue! O greatness of courage! how powerful you are over my heart! I shall live, I shall die the subject of the great Saul, and all my States are his. There arrives Samuel, accompanied by priests. Saul. — Samuel, what news do you bring me? Do you come on the part of God, on that of the people, or on your own? SAMUEL. — On the part of God. Saul. — What does he ordain? Samuel. — He ordains me to tell you that he has repented of having made you reign. Saul. — God, repent!... Only those who commit faults repent. God cannot commit faults. Samuel. — He may repent of having placed upon the throne those who do commit them. Saul. — Eh! what man does not commit them?... Speak, of what am I guilty? Samuel. — Of having pardoned a king. Agag. — How! the fairest of virtues would be regarded among you as a crime? Samuel, to Agag. — Hold your peace, blaspheme not. (To Saul:) Saul, heretofore king of the Jews, had not God ordered you, by my mouth, to slaughter all the Amalekites, without sparing either the women, or the girls, or the children at the breast? Agag. — Your God had ordered you that!... You are mistaken, you meant to say your devil. Samuel, to his priests. — Prepare to obey me... And you, Saul, have you obeyed God? Saul. — I did not believe that such an order was positive; I thought that goodness was the first attribute of the Supreme Being; that a compassionate heart could not displease him. Samuel. — You were mistaken, unfaithful man: God reproves you, your sceptre shall pass into other hands. Baza, to Saul. — What insolence!... Sire, permit me to punish this barbarous priest. Saul. — Take good care not to; do you not see that he is followed by the whole people, and that we should be stoned if I resisted, for indeed I had promised... Baza. — You had promised an abominable thing! Saul. — No matter; the Jews are more abominable still; they will take the defence of Samuel against me. Baza, aside. — Ah! unhappy prince, you have courage only at the head of armies. Saul. — Well then! priests, what must I do? Samuel. — I am going to show you how one obeys the Lord... (To his priests:) O sacred priests, children of Levi, display here your zeal: let a table be brought; let there be stretched upon this table this king, whose foreskin is a crime before the Lord... The priests seize Agag and bind him upon the table. Agag. — What do you want of me, pitiless monsters? Saul. — August Samuel, in the name of the Lord... Samuel, — Do not invoke him, you are unworthy of it, remain here, he orders you; be witness of the sacrifice which will perhaps expiate your crime. Agag, to Samuel. — So then you are going to put me to death?... O death, how bitter you are! Samuel. — Yes, you are fat! and your holocaust will be the more agreeable to the Lord for it. Agag. — Alas! Saul, how I pity you for being subject to such monsters! Samuel, to Agag. — Listen, you are going to die: do you wish to be a Jew? do you wish to have yourself circumcised? Agag. — And, if I were weak enough to be of your religion, would you give me my life? Samuel. — No; you will have the satisfaction of dying a Jew, and that is enough. Agag. — Strike then, executioners! Samuel. — Give me that axe, in the name of the Lord; and while I cut off an arm, cut off a leg, and so on piece by piece, The priests all strike together, with Samuel, in the name of Adonai. Agag. — O death! O torments! O barbarians! Saul. — Must I be witness of an abomination so horrible! Baza. — God will punish you for having suffered it. Samuel, to the priests. — Carry away this body and this table; let the remains of this infidel be burned, and let his flesh serve to feed our servants... (To Saul:) And you, prince, learn for ever that obedience is worth still more than sacrifice. Saul, throwing himself into an armchair. — I am dying; I shall not be able to survive so many horrors and so much shame. One would be wrong to believe in an exaggeration in this staging. Chapter 15 of the 1st book of Samuel represents in fact the slaughtering of Agag, massacred in the most barbarous fashion, with a cruelty of which there are few examples, the prophet being himself among the executioners and presiding over the torture. 215. Samuel hews king Agag in pieces. Moreover, Samuel declared to Saul that from that moment he was deposed, that Jehovah had rejected him. « And as Samuel was turning to go away, Saul, wishing to retain him, took him by the skirt of his mantle, which tore. Then the prophet said unto the king: As thou hast torn my mantle, so shall thy kingdom be torn. » (1 Samuel 15:27-28). 216. Samuel declares Saul deposed. Then, without losing time, Samuel betook himself to Bethlehem. There, he summoned before him a sieur Jesse, descendant of Boaz, and all his family. After a general purification, followed by a sacrifice, Samuel said to Jesse: « Are these all thy children? Jesse answered him: There remaineth yet one quite little, who keepeth the sheep. Cause him to come, replied Samuel; for we will not sit down to table before he be here present. The young boy was therefore brought; he was red-haired and of pretty countenance. And Jehovah said unto Samuel: Behold indeed him whom thou must anoint. Then, Samuel took a horn full of oil, which he had brought, and anointed David in the midst of his brothers. From that moment, the breath of the Lord breathed upon David and breathed no more upon Saul; moreover, Jehovah sent unto Saul an evil spirit, and Saul had his brain troubled. » (1 Samuel 16:11-14) 217. David, as a child, crowned by Samuel. The critics remark, as an astonishing thing, that God should have spoken to Samuel in the very house of David’s father, before the whole household, without the sacred author saying explicitly whether or not there was an apparition. The opinion of the theologians is that Jehovah spoke inwardly to his prophet; but then how could the bystanders guess that he had a particular and divine mission? All the Jews, says Voltaire, must have known that Saul reigned, since Samuel had poured oil upon his head. Now, when he did as much to David, his father, his mother, his brothers and the bystanders must have perceived that he was instituting a new king, and that thereby he was exposing the whole family to the vengeance of Saul; there is some difficulty here. Boulanger says that there was never a scene of the Italian theatre more comic than that of a village priest who comes to a peasant’s house, with a bottle of oil in his pocket, to anoint a little red-haired boy, and thus to make a revolution in the State; this critic adds that this State and this little red-haired boy deserved no other historian. « Now, the officers of Saul said unto him: Thou seest that an evil breath of God troubleth thee; if it please thee, thy servants will go and seek a player upon the harp, that, when the evil breath of God shall trouble thee the most, this musician may relieve thee by touching the harp with his hand. Saul said therefore unto his servants: Go and seek me some one who knoweth well how to harp. But one of the servants said unto him: There is, at Bethlehem, one of the sons of a man named Jesse, whom I have seen and who playeth upon the harp like a true artist; he is a young man robust, a valiant warrior, expressing himself with eloquence, and a very pretty boy; moreover, God is with him. Then, Saul sent messengers unto Jesse to say to him: Send me thy son David, he who keepeth thy sheep. Jesse took at once an ass, which he loaded with bread and with a keg of wine, and a kid, and he caused these presents to be delivered by David unto Saul. And when David presented himself, Saul felt for him a great affection and he named him his esquire; and he sent to say unto Jesse: I pray thee to leave David in my service; for he pleaseth me much. When therefore the evil breath of God troubled Saul, David took a harp and played upon it, and Saul was relieved thereby, and the evil breath ceased to blow. » (v. 15-23) 218. David plays the harp to divert Saul. What a jumble, this story!... David, of whom the sacred author makes a simple shepherd, is at the same time a harpist of the most distinguished talent; if only, in leading the sheep to pasture, he had been content to play the flute! but no, it is the enormous and cumbersome harp that he lugs about with him across the arid mountains of Judaea. Next, David is given us as quite young; how then can this little boy be qualified as a valiant warrior?... Another observation: Saul’s officer, who is so well informed about David, is he then ignorant that the youth has been anointed by Samuel and that he is, consequently, a dangerous competitor?... And these presents of Jesse to the head of the State, are they not ridiculous enough! bread, a barrel of wine and a kid, that is what is offered to a sovereign, to conciliate his good graces!... What finally is to be said of Jehovah who passes his time in giving Saul attacks of nerves and curing him of them momentarily with the music of his rival? All that is of an insane grotesqueness!... « Meanwhile, the Philistines assembled all their armies to give a great battle to Israel; they established their camp between Socoh and Azekah, upon the frontier of Dammim. Saul and the Jews assembled also, and they camped in the valley of the Oak. The Philistines were upon one mountain and the Israelites were upon another mountain, over against them. And it came to pass that a bastard went forth from the Philistine camp and came and presented himself between the two armies; he was called Goliath; he was of Gath, and he was six cubits and a span in height (a little more than four metres!); a helmet of brass protected his head, and his cuirass, made of scales, which he had upon his breast weighed five thousand shekels of brass, by itself alone (sixty kilogrammes); he had also boots of brass, and a great shield of brass covered his shoulders; the staff of his lance was as bulky as a weaver’s beam; the iron of that lance weighed six hundred shekels of iron (ten kilogrammes). That giant came and cried before the phalanxes of Israel: Choose then some one from among you to fight against me; if he killeth me, we shall be your slaves; but, if I kill him, it is you who shall be our slaves. And that Philistine boasted thus every day of having dishonoured Israel, and all the Jews having heard the voice of that Philistine giant who defied them were stupefied and trembled with fear. » (1 Samuel 17:1-11) This giant Goliath, who was more than four metres tall, ought not to appear extraordinary, after the other giants we have seen in Genesis. It is true that we no longer see today men of that stature; such indeed is the constitution of the human body that this excessive height, in deranging all the proportions, would render this giant very feeble, and incapable of supporting himself. — One must regard Goliath as a prodigy which God raised up in order to manifest the glory of David, says Voltaire ironically. « Now, David was the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehem, of whom it hath been spoken, who was named Jesse and was very old, with eight children. The three eldest sons, Eliab, Abinadab and Shammah, had taken their rank in the army of Saul to fight in that war; but David, who was the youngest, went and returned from beside Saul to lead his father’s sheep to pasture, at Bethlehem. » (v. 12-15) — Bizarre, this David, whom the king has made his squire, and who, in full war, leaves his service from time to time to go and keep flocks! — « And the Philistine giant renewed morning and evening his defiances to the Jewish soldiers, and he remained there standing during forty days. Then, Jesse said unto David his son: Here, take a quart of barley meal and ten loaves, and run to thy brethren in the camp; carry also ten cheeses to their captain, visit thy brethren, and see a little how they are behaving. Now, Saul and his troops were still in the valley of the Oak. David, then, set out one day, early in the morning, after having left his sheep in the keeping of another; he went off all laden, as his father had told him, and came as far as the place named Magala, where the army had advanced to demand the battle, and which was already crying battle; for the Israelites and the Philistines were face to face. Wherefore David, having left with the baggage all that he had brought, ran to the place where the Israelites and their enemies were drawn up, over against each other, in order of battle, and his first care was to ask how his brethren were behaving. Whilst he was speaking, behold that the bastard Goliath came forth from the Philistine ranks and came to begin again his bravadoes; which immediately made all the Jews turn their backs, and they drew back trembling with fear. » (1 Samuel 17:16-24) « Then, a man of Israel set himself to saying: Do ye see this Philistine who cometh to insult our whole nation? If there be found any one who can kill him, the king will enrich him with immense riches, and will give him his daughter, and his family shall be exempted from all tax in Israel. On his side, David asked round about him, addressing himself to one and another: What shall be given to him who shall kill this great uncircumcised rascal? The people repeated to him what hath just been said. » (v. 25-27) — According to this text, David hardly appears to wish to fight out of love for his country, but rather from the hope of gain. — « But, when Eliab, his eldest brother, knew the talk that David was holding, he flew into a great passion against him: Wherefore art thou come here? said he; we have but few sheep in the country, and thou hast left them! But David answered: What have I done amiss? Is there anything to be angry about? And, having gone away, he went unto others, put them the same question and received the same answer. » (v. 28-30) « The words of David were reported to the king, who caused him to come. And David said unto Saul: Let no one have his heart troubled because of Goliath; for I will go, I thy servant, and I will fight that Philistine. But Saul spake to him thus: Thou couldst not struggle against that terrible enemy, seeing that thou art but a child and that he, on the contrary, is a man of war, since his youth. David answered the king: Some time ago, whilst I was pasturing my father’s sheep, a lion and a bear came upon us, and they carried off a ewe of the flock; but I ran after them, I smote them with redoubled blows, and I tore the ewe from their jaws; and, as they both reared up against me, I seized them each with one hand, the one and the other by the jaw, and I smote them yet harder, so that I killed them. Thy servant therefore hath killed a lion and a bear; and this Philistine, whose foreskin hath not been cut, shall be treated like those animals, for he hath insulted the army of the living God. David said further: Jehovah, who hath delivered me from the claw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, will deliver me from the hand of this uncircumcised one. Then, Saul said unto David: Go, and may Jehovah be with thee! » (1 Samuel 17:31-37) One sees it, king Saul had been astounded, and, in his place, one would have been so with less cause; in fact, the youngster’s narrative was stunning. Imagine for a moment that you are spectators of this adventure: the lion and the bear hurling themselves at once upon one and the same ewe of the flock of father Jesse, when it would have been more convenient for them to take one each; the two ferocious beasts going off with their prey, which they are preparing to devour, the lion holding it by the head, and the bear by the hindquarters; thereupon, the little shepherd dashing off in pursuit of the terrible ravishers, disputing the ewe with them, striking with fist and foot, and seizing them by the jaw! What a picture!... Find such exploits anywhere else than in the Bible; I defy you to. O Tartarin, there is your master: the young David! By the story of Samson, we had learned that the lion was to be met with in Palestine. That was already a surprise for the reader. But, with David, we find the lion and the bear together!... The naturalists affirm that where the lion lives, there are no bears, and reciprocally. Bosh for the naturalists! There is their science at fault. O divine pigeon, it only remains for you to make known to us the bear of the Equator and the lion of the North Pole! « Saul, then, caused David to be armed with his own arms; he put his helmet of brass upon his head and clothed him with his cuirass. And David, having girded the sword over his tunic, began to try whether he could walk with arms; for he was not accustomed thereto. » (1 Samuel 17:38-39) — Not accustomed to the handling of arms?... So be it; but then why does verse 18 of the preceding chapter represent David as being known for a « valiant warrior » for a long time past? — « David said therefore unto Saul: I cannot walk with arms, not having the habit of them. And he put them off. Then, he took again his shepherd’s staff, chose himself five stones in a neighbouring torrent, put them in his scrip, and, holding his sling in his hand, he marched against the Philistine giant. The Philistine, preceded by his shield-bearer, advanced also to meet David. » (v. 39-41) The squire of Goliath?... There is question of him only in the Bible, text in extenso; this squire is suppressed outright in the manuals of sacred history for the use of the faithful, and there Goliath is no more than a simple foot soldier. Why then have the modern priests operated this cut in the sacred text? The squire of the Philistine giant did not, however, deserve to disappear thus, in so arbitrary a fashion. In fact, in the armies of former times, the squire was the soldier who accompanied a mounted officer and who took care of his mount; in our day, he would be called the orderly of a cavalry officer. Now, if Goliath had a squire specially attached to his service, it is because he was an officer in the Philistine army; the Bible says, moreover, in several places, that there was a powerful cavalry among the Philistines. And the ineffable pigeon-duck, who assured us just now that Goliath was more than four metres tall, has forgotten to make known to us the gigantic proportions of his horse! It is evident that the horse of Goliath must have been a giant, it too. And Holy Scripture does not indicate to us the region which produced such phenomenal stallions, horses of a size to carry riders six cubits and a span tall!... Deplorable gap!... Let us take up the biblical narrative again: « Then, the Philistine giant cast a look upon David, and, seeing that he was a youth with red hair and a pretty face, he showed him his contempt. Am I a dog, said he unto him, that thou comest against me with a staff? And he cursed David, swearing by the name of his gods. Then, he said unto him again: Well, come then, and I will give thy flesh to the birds of heaven and to the beasts of the fields. David answered Goliath: Thou marchest against me with thy sword, thy lance and thy shield; but I, I march against thee in the name of Sabaoth, god of the armies of Israel, god of those troops set in battle array whom thou hast insulted; and, as the Lord will deliver thee this day into my hands, it is I who shall strike thee down, it is I who, after having cut off thy head, shall give thy flesh to the birds of the heavens and to the animals of the earth; and the whole world shall know that Israel hath a god!... 219. Combat of Goliath and David. And David, having run upon Goliath, put his hand into his wallet, took a stone, and hurled it with his sling; and this stone struck the giant upon the forehead where it sank in, so that the Philistine fell with his face against the ground. Then, David threw himself upon Goliath, took his sword, drew it from the scabbard, killed him and cut off his head. And the Philistines, having seen that their giant was dead, fled. 220. Death of Goliath. Then, the soldiers of Israel and of Judah, who had remained seated, rose uttering cries of joy and set themselves to the pursuit of the Philistines, and these, falling wounded to death under their blows, strewed the road from Shaaraim unto Gath and unto Ekron; after which, the Jews pillaged the Philistine camp » (1 Samuel 17:42-53) « And David took the arms of the giant and placed them in his tent; he took also the head of Goliath and carried it to Jerusalem. » (v. 54) — Hullo! so he had a tent all at once, young David?... And it was to Jerusalem that he went, in triumph, to carry the head of the Philistine giant? This is stranger still, seeing that Jerusalem did not at that epoch belong to the Jews; we shall see further on how this city was only taken later by David, after the death of Saul. But we are beginning to get used to the contradictions of the Holy Ghost! « — Now, when Saul had seen David march against Goliath, he said unto Abner, general of the Israelite army: Who is this youth? of what father is he son? Abner answered him: As truly as thy soul liveth, O king, I know nothing of it. The king replied: Inform thyself at once, that I may know to what family this youth belongeth. As soon therefore as David was returned from the combat, Abner conducted to Saul the young man, who held in his hand the head of the giant. And Saul said unto him: Whose son art thou? David answered: My father is named Jesse, thy servant, and he dwelleth at Bethlehem. » (1 Samuel 17:55-58) Well now! what is all this incoherent rehashing?... Where has the divine inspirer of the Bible got his wits?... In the preceding chapter, we were told, with the most minute details, that Saul, to calm his nerves, inquired for a good harp player; one of his officers procured him one, who is David, and the king was informed about his family; better still, Saul sent Jesse a messenger to beg the old fellow to leave him his son, because he pleased him greatly; the pigeon told us further that David often came and went between Saul and Bethlehem and that he thus shuttled between the royal court and the paternal sheep. And now neither Saul, nor Abner, nor any officer of the king knows who David is, at the moment of his struggle against Goliath! Here is the king’s harp player, the squire of Saul, become all at once an unknown!... What is to be thought of this gibberish?... When he dictated this chapter 17 to Samuel, had the divine pigeon not, on that day, absorbed a little too much hempseed?... One might well believe it, upon my word! Let us make the best of it, and continue the edifying reading. Without troubling himself in the least about his contradictions, the sacred author informs us (1 Samuel 18:2) that, this time, Saul would no longer permit David to return to his father’s house. On the other hand, Jonathan was seized all at once with a lively friendship for the young harp player, whose presence at court in former times he too had been ignorant of: « As soon as David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was so bound to his soul, that Jonathan loved him as his own soul; and Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul; and Jonathan stripped himself of the mantle which he wore, and he made a present of it to David, and he gave him also all his garments, even unto his sword, his bow and his belt. » (1 Samuel 18:3-4). — There is friendship for you! What must general Abner, the captains, the courtiers have thought, on seeing the king’s son undress, keep on nothing but his shirt (at least, it is proper to suppose so) and offer his arms and all his garments to the happy conqueror of Goliath?... Unfortunately, the Bible forgets to acquaint us with the reflections of the high personages who were present at this priceless scene. A new existence therefore began for the youngster whom Samuel had anointed king, and who, little inclined for the moment to enter into competition with Saul, confined himself to serving him as squire and musician: but, in spite of this self-effacement, David was not slow to give umbrage to His Majesty. « Now, as they were returning, some time after the defeat of the Philistine giant, there came forth, from all the cities of Israel, women in great number, who went to meet them acclaiming David; and behold these women began to sing and to dance joyfully, with tambourines and cymbals; and, whilst playing upon their instruments, they cried one to another: Saul hath killed a thousand of them, but David hath killed ten thousand! » (v. 6-7) 221. The triumph of David. It was difficult to admit that the late Goliath, giant though he was, represented ten thousand men all by himself. And so Saul, who had distinguished himself in war by multiplied exploits, found that the ovation given to his squire-harpist went beyond reasonable limits and took on a character offensive to himself. « These words of the women of Israel displeased the king, and he was greatly irritated thereat. » (v. 8) — « From that day forward, Saul looked upon David with an evil eye. » (v. 9). « And it came to pass, from the very next day, that the evil breath of God breathed upon Saul; then, David played the harp, as on the other days. But Saul had his lance in his hand, and he hurled it suddenly against the wall, saying within himself: In reaching that wall, my weapon shall run David through. Now, the latter, who was alert, twice avoided the blow, by turning aside. » (1 Samuel 18:10-11) 222. The jealousy of Saul. A little afterwards, the king, to remove the young man from him, named him captain and put him at the head of a thousand men (v. 13), and David, « to whom everything succeeded », became more and more popular among the children of Israel, and his name began to be known outside the nation. We are soon going to see that the lord Jehovah multiplied the proofs of his protection towards David. Having sent for him one day, Saul said to him: « Hearken, I will give thee for wife my eldest daughter Merab, and thus, thou who art valiant, shalt be for me another son, and thou shalt direct the battles of Israel » (v. 17); at bottom, Saul said to himself that the Philistines would end by ridding him of David. « I am so small a thing to become the son-in-law of the king! » answered David (v. 18). He took good care not to reveal that Samuel had anointed him. « Now, when came the time that Saul was to give his daughter Merab to David, he married her to Adriel the Meholathite » (v. 19); the sacred author does not say why. « But Michal, second daughter of Saul, fell in love with David, and she made it known to her father; then Saul was very content, and he said unto David: Thou shalt be my son-in-law this very day. » (v. 20-21). It is probable, from what follows, that the conqueror of Goliath would have asked nothing better than to marry Michal at once; but Saul had spoken idly, it appears, or else he regretted having shown himself so hasty. In fact, as soon as he had the young man’s consent, he set about requiring extraordinary things of him. One would never guess what condition Saul had laid down for David in order to accept him definitively! « Saul said unto those of his servants whom he sent to David: Ye shall tell him that the king asketh for dowry a hundred foreskins of Philistines. » (v. 25) In other terms, the king did not wish to give Michal a dowry; in his opinion, it was David who was to constitute a dowry for his wife; and what a dowry!... A hundred foreskins!... One hardly sees what use so many foreskins could have been in the new household... « Then, before the fixed days were accomplished, David went away into the country of the Philistines, accompanied by his troop; there, he killed two hundred men. Then, he cut off their foreskins, brought them and delivered them well counted (sic) unto the king, in order to be his son-in-law. And Saul gave him for wife his daughter Michal. » (1 Samuel 18:26-27) — One imagines the sitting for the signing of the contract, the royal notary gravely counting the two hundred foreskins, and the amorous Michal cooing to David and quite happy at having so fine a wedding present! 224. David and Michal. As for the Philistines, they found it in very bad taste that people should come and stock up with foreskins at their expense, and the war began again. « The Philistine captains took the field; and as soon as they were gone forth, David had more victories than all the officers of Saul; and his name was in very great esteem. » (1 Samuel 18:30) It is at that time that the king had frequent periods of craziness; but one asks oneself why the biblical writer takes such pains to paint the unfortunate monarch in the ugliest colours. According to the text itself, it is Jehovah who, at moments, breathed an evil breath upon Saul; it is therefore God in person who made him mad. A madman is not responsible for his madnesses, and Saul less than any other, consequently. « Then Saul spake to Jonathan, his son, and to all his officers, of putting David to death; but Jonathan loved David much; wherefore he made known to him the danger of death which he ran, by the fact of the enmity of his father. » (1 Samuel 19:1-2). Moreover, the worthy Jonathan attempted a reconciliation. « He spake therefore favourably of David to Saul his father, and said unto him: Let not the king sin against David his servant; for he hath not sinned against thee, and even what he hath done is very advantageous to thee, seeing that he hath exposed his life and that he hath killed the Philistine giant; thou hast seen it and thou hast rejoiced thereat; wherefore then shouldst thou sin against innocent blood, in putting David to death without cause? Saul lent an ear to the voice of his son, and he swore saying: By the living God, David shall not die! Then, Jonathan called David and made him the recital of the new dispositions of the king. He brought David next unto Saul, and David resumed as before his service with the king. » (1 Samuel 19:4-7) 223. Jonathan attempts to reconcile Saul with David. One sees it, hatred abandoned the monarch as soon as he was in his natural state; it is only in the course of his fits, « when Jehovah breathed upon him with an evil breath », it is then that Saul formed homicidal projects against his son-in-law. However, the war with the Philistines was in full swing, and the harpist sometimes found time to inflict a defeat upon the enemy, between two serenades. « But behold the evil breath of God breathed anew upon Saul, one day when he was seated in his palace, having his lance in his hand, whilst listening to the music of David. » (v. 9) The reader may well expect what is going to happen! « Then, whilst David was plucking the harp, Saul tried again to nail him against the wall with his lance; but David turned aside nimbly, and Saul, without reaching his son-in-law, planted his weapon in the wall; after which David fled. » (v. 10) It was with his tender spouse that the young captain-harpist took refuge; the amiable Michal consoled him as best she could. « But, that night, Saul sent people unto the house of David, with orders to remain on watch, that he might cause him to perish in the morning. And Michal, having perceived the men of the guard, said unto David: If thou save not thyself this night, to-morrow they will kill thee. Then, Michal let David down by a window, and he fled anew. 225. David flees from Michal’s house Next, Michal took a manikin, laid it in her bed in the place of David and put upon its head a skin of goat, and when Saul sent his people to seize David, she said unto them: He is sick. 226. Michal places a manikin in the bed of her husband. Then Saul cried out: Let him be brought to me in his bed, that I may put him to death! And Saul and his people found nothing but a manikin, capped with goat-skin. 227. Terrible vengeance of Saul. And Saul said unto Michal: Wherefore hast thou deceived me thus? wherefore hast thou made mine enemy to escape? Michal answered: He said unto me: Let me go away. Wherefore then should I have lent a hand to his being killed? » (1 Samuel 19:11-17) One must not lose sight of the fact that we are reproducing a sacrosanct book, a divine work, fundamental basis of a religion which has the pretension of bending the whole world under its law. Can one nevertheless find an adventure sillier than this one? This story of the manikin is not even comic vaudeville; it is below the level of the most inane Jocrisse-antics of a fairground (‘Jocrisse-antics’ — fr. ‘jocrisseries’, from Jocrisse, the gullible simpleton of French farce). And this is dogma!... Under pain of roasting eternally in hell, it is necessary to believe that Michal made her husband, the anointed David, slip away by the window, and that she replaced him in his bed by a dummy capped with a goatskin! Was this goatskin the ordinary nightcap of David?... In the Hebrew text, there is teraphim, which the modern versions translate by « manikin », a dummy. But teraphim literally signifies an idol. Did Michal then have idols sleep with her? did she wish that the henchmen sent by Saul should take this idol for her husband? and, since David had, we have been told, red hair, did Michal hope that the goatskin with which she capped the teraphim would produce the effect of the dear man’s shock of hair? A fine subject for grave examination by the reverend theologians! Biblical stupidity is now going to become delirious. « Thus David fled, escaping death. He came unto Samuel, at Ramah, and told him all that Saul had done to him. 228. Samuel takes David in. Then, he went away with Samuel, and they dwelt together at Naioth. That was reported to Saul, who sent archers to seize David. But, when the archers arrived at Naioth in Ramah, they found David in the midst of an assembly of prophets who were prophesying, and above them all stood Samuel, presiding over them and prophesying; and behold the archers of Saul were seized with the spirit of God, and they set themselves also to prophesy. 229. David in the midst of the prophets. Saul, having been warned of it, sent other archers, and these prophesied likewise, instead of taking David. The king sent yet more, for the third time, and they prophesied likewise. 230. The archers of Saul become prophets. Then, Saul betook himself to Ramah; he came unto the great pit which is at Sechu, and he asked of all: Where are Samuel and David? They answered him: They are at Naioth, in Ramah. He went away therefore to Naioth. Now, on the road, the spirit of God seized him also, so that during all his way he prophesied. And when he was arrived at Naioth, in Ramah, he began by stripping himself of his upper garments, and, in the presence of Samuel, he prophesied; then, he stretched himself upon the ground and lay thus without clothes upon the soil, all that day and all the night. Wherefore the Israelites said everywhere: Saul is now among the number of the prophets. » (1 Samuel 19:18-24) 231. Saul himself sets about prophesying. I have been anxious to give the literal translation of this extravagant text. A prophet is a man who predicts the future; one must therefore be inspired by God to be able to say what events will take place in future times; that is what is admitted among believers. But, in general, a prophet prophesies only in order to announce some particular fact: an oracle is consulted, the oracle answers; or else a man of God betakes himself to a city, or to the court of a monarch, and predicts some catastrophe or some happy event; it is thus that prophets operate, that is to say those who call themselves inspired and who make a profession of possessing the science of the most hidden things. However, it would occur to nobody to imagine an assembly of prophets reeling off prophecies in a continuous jet, except at Charenton. These police officers who all at once become prophets, who mingle with Samuel, with David and with the other prophets, and who vie in prophecies with them; this Saul, who goes in search of his son-in-law to kill him, who, without being solicited by anybody, tells fortunes on his way, who strips himself naked or nearly so in the holy gathering where prophets by profession and prophets by chance bray in chorus, is not all that high madness? Boulanger, the encyclopaedist, the learned geologist of the 18th century, says that this stupid tale resembles the story of a village judge in Lower Brittany, named Kerlotin: this judge, in the course of a hearing, sent a bailiff to fetch a witness; the witness was drinking at the tavern, and the bailiff stayed with him to drink; Kerlotin then despatched a second bailiff, who stayed drinking with them; at last the judge went himself, but he drank like the others and got drunk, and the case was not tried. Chapter 20 of the 1st book of Samuel is totally devoid of interest. David flees from Naioth and takes refuge with Jonathan, who tries once more to plead his brother-in-law’s cause before Saul, when the latter has finished prophesying. This pleading is undertaken on the occasion of a dinner given by the king in honour of... the new moon; Saul remarks that David’s place at his table is empty, and then Jonathan comes out with his little speech; but the king will hear nothing and grows red with anger. « Jonathan said again unto Saul: Wherefore should David be put to death? what hath he done? And Saul hurled a halberd against him to smite him. Then, Jonathan understood that his father had indeed resolved to put David to death; he rose from table much afflicted, and took no meal, on the second day of the new moon. » (1 Samuel 20:32-34) Jonathan therefore went to warn his brother-in-law, who was keeping in a hiding place, that he no longer hoped to bend the king on his behalf. « David had listened to him, seated; he rose on the side of the South, and cast himself with his face against the earth, and prostrated himself three times; and they wept both together, and David wept extraordinarily. » (v. 41) David, after this lamentation, went off to ask asylum of the high priest Ahimelech, dwelling at Nob; the latter received him, regaled him with sacred bread, but gave him to understand that he was hardly in safety with him. And as the young harpist, before taking the powder of decampment (‘the powder of decampment’ — fr. ‘la poudre d’escampette’, to bolt, to make off in haste) again, begged Ahimelech to give him some weapon, to defend himself if need be, the high priest said to him: « Here, behold the sword of Goliath, whom thou didst kill in the valley of the Oak; it is wrapped in a cloth, behind the ephod; if thou wilt have it for thyself, take it; for there is none other here than that one. » (1 Samuel 21:9) David departed, with the sword of Goliath, and made his way towards Gath, a Philistine city, where king Achish reigned; he hoped that this enemy of Israel would grant him his protection. While he was approaching Gath, he was recognized by some servants of Achish; no more was needed for him to be in a funk more than ever; would the Philistine king deign to have compassion on his misfortune? Nothing was less proved, it seemed to him. « Then David had a very great fear, because of Achish, king of Gath. He changed his countenance and counterfeited the madman before the Philistines; he urinated against the doors of the houses, and he let his saliva run down upon his beard. And Achish said unto his servants: See ye not that this is a madman? Wherefore have ye brought him to me? » (1 Samuel 21:12-14) « David departed thence and saved himself in the cavern of Adullam; which his brothers and all the house of his father having learned, they went down thither unto him. All those also who were ill in their affairs, laden with debts, and who had a bitter nature, gathered themselves unto him and named him their chief; he found himself thus at the head of four hundred determined men. » (1 Samuel 22:1-2) After which, having confided his old father Jesse and his mother to the king of Moab, he took the field; war was definitively declared between Saul and his son-in-law. Meanwhile, Saul learned of the welcome which the high priest Ahimelech had given David. An Idumean, named Doeg, who filled the functions of first valet to the king, testified in these terms: « I have seen the son of Jesse come to Nob, unto Ahimelech, son of Ahitub; and Ahimelech hath consulted the Eternal on the subject of David, he hath given him victuals and the sword of Goliath. » (v. 9-10) Saul then summoned the high priest and all the sacrificers, members of his family, to appear before his seat of judgment. « Wherefore have ye conspired against me, thou and the son of Jesse, said he unto Ahimelech, since thou hast given him bread and a sword, and hast consulted God for him? — Ahimelech answered the king: Is there any one, among all thy subjects, who is as faithful to thee as David thy son-in-law, who hath fought by thine order and who doeth so much honour to thy house? Is it to-day that I have begun to consult Jehovah for him? As for conspiring against my king, God forbid! O king, accuse therefore thy servant of nothing, nor any of his family; for no offence hath been committed. — Well, resumed the king, thou shalt die this very day, Ahimelech, and all thy family with thee. » (v. 13-16) The sentence of death was pronounced; but the archers who were there refused to execute it, not daring to lay their hands upon priests. « Then, the king said unto Doeg: Turn thee and fall upon the sacrificers. And Doeg the Idumean turned and fell upon Ahimelech and the sacrificers, and he slew in that day eighty-five men who wore the ephod of linen. Moreover, he put to the edge of the sword all the inhabitants of Nob, city of the sacrificers; men and women, great and small, oxen, asses and small cattle, all was massacred. » (v. 18-19) However, one of the sons of Ahimelech, named Abiathar, succeeded in escaping this hecatomb, and went off to rejoin David, who said to him: « Dwell with me, fear nothing, for he who seeketh my life seeketh also thine; thus thou art under my safeguard. » (v. 23) 232. Sad end of the high priest Ahimelech. I abridge as much as possible; but the manuals of sacred history for the use of the faithful are so incomplete that it is necessary to re-establish, by textual citations from the Bible, a number of episodes which the tonsured ones pass over in silence, but whose bizarre details sometimes offer a piquant interest. I should summarize more, were it a question of another book; now, this is the Scripture of God himself, the priests affirm; let us not therefore neglect the divine pearls which are found so numerous in that prodigious casket which is the Old Testament. In chapter 23, we see David, at the head of his four hundred freebooters, deliver the Jewish city of Keilah, which the Philistines were besieging; then, Saul blockades Keilah, occupied by his son-in-law. Thereupon, David, who hardly counted upon people’s gratitude, solicited from Jehovah a few moments’ interview; Papa Good God did not need pressing. « Will Saul come down hither? demanded David. And the Eternal answered him: He will come down. David said again: Will the chiefs of Keilah deliver me, me and my people, into the hands of Saul? And the Eternal answered him: They will deliver thee. » (v. 11-12) Judging himself surely informed, David decamped with speed; he was therefore not delivered up to Saul. Next, the sacred author shows us the son of Jesse wandering in the desert of Ziph; this time, his troop of vagabonds, ruined by debts, has been increased by two hundred men, and Saul gives him chase, without managing to reach him. David has, nevertheless, a conference with Jonathan in a forest; the two brothers-in-law swear an eternal love to each other. From the desert of Ziph, David passes to the desert of Maon, with his inseparable band. At last, Saul, learning that the Philistines are taking the field again, gives up pursuing his son-in-law, in order to fight the national enemy. The Philistines having been repulsed, the king comes back to David, who has then established at Engedi the centre of his fruitful operations. Yes, fruitful, seeing that the son of Jesse, according to the Bible itself, is a veritable captain of bandits: he has gathered six hundred hamstring-cutters (‘hamstring-cutters’ — fr. ‘coupe-jarrets’, cut-throats, brigands), and he runs over hill and dale with this rabble of rogues, distinguishing neither friends nor enemies, levying ransom, pillaging everything he meets. On two occasions (1 Samuel 24, 26), Saul, who has taken with him three thousand picked soldiers, manages to press David very closely; in these circumstances, the son-in-law behaved with a touching magnanimity. The two episodes are too amusing not to be cited. The divine pigeon, who dictated the narrative of them, was really in a merry humour; for, since it was God who directed everything, it would have been easy for him to have David exercise his greatness of soul on occasions less trivial than those which he raised up. Consequently, if these adventures are grotesque, it is because the holy Trinity was laughing peasant-fashion, it is because Jehovah and his co-gods were amusing themselves like fairground clowns; but these adventures are none the less divine. Forward then, the textual citation!... « Saul, seeking David even into the midst of the rocks where the chamois retire, entered upon a path where there was a cavern, and he went into that cavern to do his needs; now, there were at the bottom David and some of his companions, and the king saw them not. Then, the companions of David said unto him quite low: Certainly, this is to-day the day whereon the Eternal delivereth thee thine enemy. And David drew near without noise; but he contented himself with cutting quite softly the skirt of the garment of Saul, of the mantle which Saul had tucked up. Then, returning still without noise to the bottom of the cavern, he had his heart moved, and he said in a low voice unto his companions: God keep me from laying a murderous hand upon the king! for he is the anointed of the Lord. Thus, David permitted them not to rush upon Saul, and restrained them by these words. Next, Saul, having finished evacuating, went forth from the cavern and continued his way. 233. Saul asleep is surprised by David. But then David went forth in his turn, ran after him, and cried unto him: My lord and my king! Saul turned round; David prostrated himself, his face against the earth; then, he said unto Saul: Wherefore hearkenest thou to those who tell thee that I seek to do thee harm? Thine eyes see to-day that the Eternal had delivered thee to my mercy, when thou didst stop some instants in that cavern, I was there, and I was counselled to kill thee; but I spared thee, for thou art the anointed of the Lord. Look, my father, look at the skirt of thy mantle, which I hold there in my hand. I cut it without thy taking heed of it; I might have killed thee and I have not killed thee. Know therefore and acknowledge that I think in no wise of doing thee harm; and yet, thou, thou spiest out my life to take it from me! The Eternal shall be judge between us two; but I will not lay my hand upon thee. 234. Saul observes that David has spared him. What! thou who art king of Israel, after what man hast thou taken the field? whom pursuest thou? a dead dog and a flea? The Eternal shall judge therefore between me and thee; and when God judgeth, he looketh; that is wherefore he shall be my defender and shall preserve me from thy hand. Now, as soon as David had finished these words, Saul said: Is not that thy voice, my son David? And Saul, shedding a torrent of tears, said unto David, speaking very loud: Thou art better than I, since thou hast rendered me good for the evil that I have done thee; for who is he that, having had his enemy at his mercy, would let him go without doing him harm? By this sign, I recognise that certainly thou shalt reign and that the kingdom of Israel shall be powerful under thy sceptre. Wherefore, now, swear to me by the Eternal that thou wilt not destroy my race after me. And David swore it unto Saul. Then, the king returned unto his house, whilst David and his companions went up into a place elevated and well fortified. » (1 Samuel 24:3-23) 235. Reconciliation of Saul and David. The scene is pathetic, although one hardly understands why David, in his humility, compares himself to a dead dog and to a flea; and this episode would have been very fine, had it been quite different, as regards the circumstances of the encounter. Saul spared by David, while he has come to do his caca in a grotto! One will avow that the Holy Ghost might have found something better; and since God insisted that the facts should occur thus, it is incontestable that there is on his part, if not mystification, at least a pleasantry of doubtful taste. The clericals howl against certain books of Émile Zola, where that naturalist novelist has brought upon the scene the backside of la Mouquette and the farts of a countryman; but the novels of Zola have no pretension to being sacred books, and it will never occur to anybody to found a religion basing itself upon Germinal or upon la Terre. While he was in the vein, the pigeon-duck might have added that, in his haste on coming out of the cavern to run after his father-in-law, David set his foot in Saul’s turd and that it brought him luck. But let us pass over it, or, better said, let us not insist. The second time that the son of Jesse showed his greatness of soul, the circumstances were less odoriferous, or very nearly so. While Saul and his army were camped at Hachilah, David, accompanied by a certain Abishai, penetrated by night as far as the king’s tent; this time, Jehovah was squarely the accomplice of his cherished anointed, as one is going to see. « Saul was sleeping, and his halberd was planted in the earth at his bolster, and Abner and the people were lying in the other tents, all around. Then, Abishai said unto David: To-day God hath delivered thee thine enemy; now therefore, I pray thee, permit that I smite him with his own halberd and that I nail him to the earth at a single blow; I feel myself strong enough not to have to strike twice. David answered Abishai: No, kill him not; for who is he that could lay a murderous hand upon an anointed of the Lord and be innocent? But behold what we are going to do: let us take, I, his halberd, and thou, the vessel which is beside his bed, and let us go away. They took therefore, beside the bed, the halberd and the vessel of Saul, and they departed from the camp, without being seen of any one; for all were sleeping, because the Eternal had made fall upon them a sleep of the deepest. And when David was upon a height, which was far enough from thence, he cried with all his strength, in the morning: Abner, Abner, wilt thou not answer? And Abner answered: Who art thou, thou who criest so loud down there? Then, David cried these words: Thou art a valiant man, Abner, and who is like unto thee in Israel? None is worth thee, and yet thou hast not known how to guard the king thy lord; for some one came to kill Saul. Thou doest not thy service well; by the living God, thou and thy soldiers, ye deserve death for having so ill guarded the king, who is the anointed of the Eternal. And now, look where is the halberd of the king, and the vessel which was beside his bed. On hearing these cries, Saul awoke and recognised the voice of David. » (1 Samuel 26:7-17) — The episode ends like the preceding one, with this simple difference that the son of Jesse no longer compares himself to a dead dog, but only to a flea; moreover, he gives back the halberd, but not the chamber pot. One asks oneself why Saul is among the accursed of the Bible. If one holds a purely human reasoning, this king produces rather well the effect of a worthy man; his fits of fury against David are the result of the evil breath, and, besides, the son of Jesse is a sorry fellow. When Saul is not under the influence of the evil breath, when he is in his natural state, cruelty is repugnant to him; moreover, he is a patriot, whereas we shall see further on David enlist, with his freebooters, in the army of the Philistines. Now, the priests tell us that one must not envisage things with the eyes of reason; one must accept what is an article of faith, and, when one submits thus, one soon understands that everything follows in order in the plan of God; what appeared inexplicable becomes of an astonishing lucidity. Let us then close, for a few moments, our reasoners’ eyes; we shall at once have a revelation of the just motives of the malediction which weighed so heavily upon Saul. Where is this revelation? In the chamber pot which David carried off. Do not think that I am jesting. We know that Jehovah is very fond of massacres; now, Saul began with a victory over the Ammonites who were besieging Jabesh; but, all joy at having delivered that city, he opposed the slaughtering of the captive enemies; Saul therefore did not observe the divine law. The chamber pot of the camp of Hachilah is a decisive proof of the permanent rebellion of this king towards God. You cannot have forgotten, can you? the formal prescriptions of Sabaoth upon the manner of doing one’s caca in time of war: one must go outside the camp, dig a little round hole, etc. (Deuteronomy 23:12-14) Now, this Saul dared to treat himself to the luxury of a chamber pot! If this is not shameless impiety, what will be?... After that, one must not be astonished that God repented of having had Saul anointed and that he transferred all his affection to David, who, without any doubt, must have dropped his breeches with an irreproachable orthodoxy. (‘dropped his breeches’ — fr. ‘poser culotte’, coarse slang for relieving oneself) And so, Jehovah never let slip an occasion of showing that he protected David, because he was indeed the man after his own heart. Savour the story of Nabal and Abigail. Let us summarize, while following the biblical narrative to the letter; that is to say let us translate word for word, but suppress the repetitions and the longueurs. « There was in the desert of Maon a very rich man who possessed upon Carmel three thousand sheep and a thousand goats; and he had his sheep shorn upon mount Carmel. His wife, Abigail, was prudent and very fair to see. David sent ten of his companions to Nabal to say unto him: We come on a good day; give unto us and give unto David all that thou canst. 236. Nabal refuses to let himself be requisitioned by David. Nabal answered: Who is this David? one sees nothing nowadays but bad servants who have fled their master; truly yes! I should go and give my bread, my water and my sheep to people whom I know not! Then, David said unto his companions: Let each take his sword! And David took his sword also, and he marched toward Nabal with four hundred men, and left two hundred of them to watch over the baggage. But the fair Abigail took two hundred loaves, two barrels of wine, five sheep all made ready, five measures of roasted grain, a hundred packets of dried raisins, and two hundred baskets of dried figs, and put them upon asses; then, having mounted upon an ass, she went to meet David. And when Abigail had perceived him, she made haste to come down from her ass, fell upon her face before David and adored him; and she said unto him: My lord, I beseech thee to despise that man of nought who is Nabal, my husband; for there is folly in him; but here are presents which thy servant offereth to my lord, for him and his companions; may it please thee, my lord, to receive them with kindness. Then, David said unto Abigail: Blessed be the Eternal who hath sent thee to meet me! and be thou thyself blessed, thou who hast hindered me this day from coming even unto blood! for, without that, as truly as God liveth, Nabal would no more be alive to-morrow morning, and there would not have remained one of his people who could piss against the walls! Now, ten days afterwards, Nabal died, smitten by Jehovah who had read in the heart of Abigail. And when David had learned that Nabal was dead, he said: Blessed be the Eternal who hath avenged me of the outrage that I had received and who hath made the malice of Nabal fall back upon himself! 237. God strikes Nabal dead; David marries his widow. Then, he sent messengers to Abigail, to propose to her to take her for wife. Then, she rose in all haste, mounted upon an ass, followed by five maid-servants, and she went away after the messengers of David; and David espoused her that same day. David espoused also Ahinoam, of Jezreel; so that both together were his wives. Saul, on the other hand, knowing that, gave Michal, first wife of David, to Palti, son of Laish, who was of Gallim. » (1 Samuel 25:2-44) The critics observe that, if one had wished to write the history of a brigand, of a highway robber, one would not have set about it otherwise. No doubt the author, who exalts David, qualifies Nabal as a brutal and coarse man; but the conduct of David is none the less revolting, if this episode is true. We have here arrived at the epoch when the history of the Jewish people really begins; it is, in fact, from Saul onwards that the uncertainties diminish. To tell the truth, we shall still meet a good number of more or less extraordinary miracles; but they no longer appear henceforward to be anything but destined to embellish the biography of personages whose existence is hardly contested. It is thus that the critics, apropos of Nabal dying suddenly so few days after having been pillaged by his wife, who was in love with David, say that this death, immediately followed by the marriage of David with the fair widow, leaves violent suspicions. As for the text, written under the inspiration of the pigeon, it does not hesitate to make Jehovah intervene directly to kill this husband despised by his wife, at a time when Michal, daughter of Saul, is the legitimate wife of David; and by this murderous intervention God consecrates the adultery of David, his cherished anointed. One will acknowledge that this is a queer morality! It is at that epoch that Samuel died; « and all Israel assembled and wept for him, and he was buried in his house, at Ramah » (1 Samuel 25:1); which did not prevent him, like Moses, from relating, in his book, facts subsequent to his death. 238. Holy death of the prophet Samuel. On that ground, it is Samuel, moreover, who holds the record. In fact, Moses confined himself to narrating his obsequies and the mourning of the people and to indicating the place of his burial, whereas the posthumous narrative of Samuel comprises the end of the reign of Saul and the whole reign of David, his successor; thirty-eight chapters of events of which the writer was a spectator, although deceased. That is a miracle!... How could Samuel, seeing all that with the eyes of his soul which was in the other world, write the narration of it on earth with the hand of his body, dead and buried? That is a mystery! Let us not therefore seek to go deeply into it, and let us content ourselves with being very happy that the defunct prophet was willing to continue to be the historian of the two kings whom he had anointed. It is thus that the late Samuel informs us, without being indignant at it, that « David passed over, with the six hundred men who were with him, unto the king of Gath, the Philistine, son of Maoch. » (1 Samuel 27:2). Achish assigned him the city of Ziklag for residence, and the cherished anointed of Jehovah dwelt one year and four months among the enemies of his nation (1 Samuel 27:6-7). « Now, during that time, David set out often on expedition among the people of Geshur, of Gezer and of Amalek (who were allies of Achish, be it said in passing), and he sowed desolation in those countries; he left neither man nor woman alive, and he seized the sheep, the oxen, the asses, the camels and the garments. He returned then among the Philistines and came unto Achish. And when king Achish said unto him: Where hast thou made thy raids to-day? David answered him: I have pillaged, in the region of the South, the people of Judah (Israelites); or else, the Jerahmeelites and the Kenites (enemies of the Philistines). And David, instead of making prisoners whom he would have brought to Gath, killed all those whom he pillaged, that no one might be able to raise his voice against him. Achish trusted therefore in David and said: He doeth much harm to Israel and maketh himself thus very odious to the Jews; wherefore he will always be faithful to me. » (1 Samuel 27:8-12) Well, how do you find the cherished anointed?... The critics recall that David first counterfeited the madman and the imbecile before king Achish, with whom he was to take refuge for sixteen months, and they remark that this is by no means an excellent manner of inspiring confidence in a monarch whom one proposes to serve in war, as will be seen further on; but, they add, the manner in which David serves this king, his benefactor, is still more extraordinary: he makes him believe that he is exercising his brigandage against the Israelites, whereas he pillages and massacres the allies of Achish; he kills everything, he exterminates everything, down to the children, for fear they should speak. But how could this king remain sixteen months in ignorance of the reality of the facts? This king Achish must have been more imbecile than David had feigned to be before him... As for the theologians, the conduct of the cherished anointed does not embarrass them; they say that, in this civil war, David was no longer ravaging his compatriots, and that it matters little that he betrayed and slaughtered his allies, since they were infidels; several even go so far as to regard him as the executor of the divine vengeances, and they absolve him of all sin in this circumstance. In the following chapter, the Philistines arm for war to fight the Israelites, and David, from squire and son-in-law of Saul his king, becomes captain of the guards of the Philistine king (1 Samuel 28:1-2). Here we have arrived at the so well-known episode of the pythoness of Endor. To conform to usage, we shall so call the sorceress whom Saul consulted, although, to tell the truth, the Hebrew text of the Bible contains not a word resembling Python or pythoness. Literally, one must read: « a woman having an Ob »; it is the Vulgate, that is to say the translation of St. Jerome, which transformed « Ob » into « spirit of Python »; which is an anachronism. « Now, the Philistines having assembled in arms at Shunem, Saul assembled in his turn the Israelite army which camped at Gilboa; and he was seized with fear. Then, as he consulted the Eternal, he obtained no answer thereof, neither by dreams, nor by the priests, nor by the prophets. Then, Saul said unto his servants: Seek me a woman who hath a spirit of Python (in the Hebrew text: a woman who possesseth an Ob), that I may go unto her and that I may know by her ministry what must befall me. His servants answered him: There is at En-dor a pythoness (in the Hebrew text: a woman who possesseth an Ob). Saul disguised himself and betook himself to En-dor, causing himself to be accompanied by two of his servants. » (v. 4-8) (‘an Ob’ — fr. Taxil’s transcription of Hebrew אוֹב, a familiar or divining spirit; English Bibles turn it into ‘a woman who is a medium’, losing the fact that the text speaks of the spirit she owns, not of her trade) We have already observed the religious borrowings made by the Jews from the Egyptians and the Syrians. Ob was a Syrian divinity whose statues rendered oracles in a dull and hollow voice which seemed to come out of the earth; in other terms, the priests and priestesses of Ob were common jokers who gave themselves up to the exercise of ventriloquism, so that their idol had supposedly a prophetic voice which the gapers heard more or less well. The pythonesses did not practise in the same way: it was they themselves who spoke, in a fit of sacred madness. The most celebrated of all was established at Delphi, in the temple of Apollo, where was the skin of the monstrous serpent, named Python, which the young god, aged only four days, killed, it is said, with arrows; there was there a very deep hole, whence exhaled one knows not what vapours, natural or produced by some subterfuge of the priests, and these vapours had the reputation of inspiring the priestess seated upon an iron tripod placed above the hole; this woman, chosen with care from a poor family, was attached specially to the service of the temple of Delphi; once upon the tripod, she had a crisis which one could not better compare than to an attack of hysteria and during which she pronounced, often with foam upon her lips, incoherent words, which the priests at once transcribed; they assembled them as best they could, gave them a sense, and these were the famous oracles of Apollo, which had among the crowds as much value as a papal bull in the middle ages. By reason of the tripod’s being covered with the skin of the serpent Python, the inspired priestess of Delphi was named the « pythia ». The temple of Delphi was not slow, as one may well think, in having numerous competitors in all the countries where the religion was Greek paganism; the imitators of the pythia were called « pythonesses ». One therefore hardly understands why St. Jerome qualified as a pythoness the sorceress of Endor, priestess of the Syrian god Ob; for, in the consultation which she gives Saul, she in no way operated after the Delphic fashion; she does not go into a crisis, she has not the least tripod; a pythoness without a tripod is like a fortune-teller without a pack of cards. Moreover, the term employed by the Vulgate, « a woman having the spirit of Python », has no sense, since the so-called spirit which inspired the pythonesses was that of Apollo, and not that of the serpent which he had killed. These observations made, let us see the biblical narrative, according to the translation of St. Jerome. « Saul arrived by night at the house of this woman and said unto her: I pray thee, be a diviner for me by thy spirit of Python, and make to come up before me the dead man whom I shall designate to thee. But the woman answered him: Knowest thou not then that Saul hath exterminated those who have the spirit of Python and that he condemneth the diviners to death? wherefore layest thou a snare for me to cause my death? Then, Saul made her this oath: As truly as God liveth, no harm shall come to thee because of this. And the pythoness said unto him: Well, whom wilt thou that I evoke? He answered: Make Samuel to come up for me. Now, when this woman had seen Samuel appear, she cried out, addressing Saul: Wherefore hast thou deceived me? for thou art Saul. The king answered her: I repeat it to thee, fear nothing; but tell me what thou hast seen? Then, the woman said unto him: I have seen as a god who was coming forth from the earth. He questioned her again: How is he made? She answered: It is an old man who cometh up, and he is covered with a great mantle. At this sign, Saul understood that it was indeed Samuel whom the pythoness saw; and he prostrated himself, holding his face against the earth. » (v. 8-14) « Samuel said unto Saul: Wherefore hast thou troubled my repose, in causing me to be evoked? The king answered him: It is because I am much embarrassed; the Philistines make war upon me; Jehovah hath withdrawn himself from me, and he hath no more been willing to answer me, neither by the prophets, nor even by dreams; wherefore I have made appeal unto thee, that thou mayest make me to hear what I must do. Samuel said unto him: Since Jehovah hath withdrawn himself from thee, it is that he is become thine enemy; then wherefore consultest thou me? Jehovah accomplisheth at this moment that which he had announced to thee by my voice; he hath torn thy kingdom; he hath taken back thy royalty, and he hath given it to one of thy subjects, that is to say to David. That which happeneth to thee there hath for cause thy disobedience to God, when thou didst spare the king of the Amalekites. That is wherefore Israel with thee shall be delivered into the hands of the Philistines; and to-morrow, thou and thy sons, ye shall be with me. On hearing these words of Samuel, Saul fell stretched at full length upon the ground; and his strength failed him, for he had taken no food all that day, nor all the night. » (v. 15-20) 239. The shade of Samuel appears to Saul. « Then, the pythoness drew near unto Saul, and, seeing that he had been much troubled, she said unto him: Thy handmaid hath obeyed thee, and behold that for that I have exposed my life. Now, I pray thee, accept that I set before thee a morsel of bread, that thou mayest eat and that thou mayest have strength to return. He refused at first; but, his companions having insisted, and this woman also, he yielded to their entreaties; he rose therefore, and sat down upon a bed. Now, the pythoness had at her house a calf which she was fattening: she went to kill it in all haste; then, she took meal, kneaded it, and made thereof unleavened loaves. She set all that before Saul and his companions; they ate; at last, they went away. » (v. 21-25) This episode of the pythoness of Endor has raised numerous discussions among the theologians; as for the sceptical commentators, they have made hot throats of it (‘made hot throats of it’ — fr. ‘en faire des gorges chaudes’, to make loud mockery of something), and with good reason! At all times, the knavery of charlatans has abused the credulity of imbeciles, by making them pay very dear for consultations of high fancy. Here, not only does Saul offer the sorceress not the least small change; but it is she moreover who regales him with a supper and who kills her fatted calf in his honour. On the other hand, the biblical narrative makes us witness a most childish consultation. Ordinarily, the evokers show some phantom or other, moving by the aid of a contrivance. This pythoness of Endor does not go to such great expense: she says that she sees a shade, and Saul believes her upon her word; Saul does indeed hear a voice, while he is prostrate, his face against the ground, but one must not forget that the pythoness of the Vulgate is, according to the Hebrew text, a prophetess of Ob, the god whose priestesses are very legitimately suspected of having been artful ventriloquists. Anywhere else than in Holy Scripture, says Voltaire, this story would pass for a rather badly made sorcerer’s tale; but since a sacred author has written it, it is indubitable: it deserves as much respect as all the rest. As for the theologians, if they do not put in doubt the veracity of the episode, at least they are not settled upon the identity of the phantom evoked by the sorceress. St. Justin, in his Dialogue against Trypho, admits that the magicians may sometimes have been able to evoke, by a sort of tolerance of God, the souls of the just and of the prophets, who, they say, were all in hell, although having had a holy life, and who remained there until Jesus himself descended there after his death, to draw them out of it, according to Christian dogma; consequently, according to St. Justin, the phantom of Endor might very well be the soul of Samuel himself. Origen, another father of the Church, goes further: according to him, the pythoness made Samuel come not only in soul, but in body as well, and, as proof of the materiality of the ghost, he cites the mantle; which allows the curious to ask whether one has mantles in hell, and above all incombustible mantles. But the modern theologians do not follow in the footsteps of those of the first centuries of Christianity: they feel the ridiculousness of this interpretation of Origen and of St. Justin, in virtue of which magicians and sorceresses, minions of the devil, had the power to make saints appear before them, and they declare that the phantom was none other than Lucifer or some other demon giving himself out for Samuel. However, it is fitting to say that these casuists have the very text of the Bible against them; for the sacred author, far from employing a dubitative term on the subject of the apparition, says formally that it was Samuel who spoke to Saul: the evoker « saw Samuel », and not a shade resembling the defunct prophet; three times over, the text bears: « Samuel said unto Saul », and « Samuel said unto him », and again, « Saul, on hearing these words of Samuel »; and finally, Samuel asks why his rest hath been disturbed. Now, it is known that little details of this kind have a very great importance in books of religion. In this grave discussion, St. Justin and Origen therefore hold the good end (‘hold the good end’ — fr. ‘tenir le bon bout’, to have the better of it). On the other hand, a question arises which is not of the easiest to resolve. Saul is well and truly represented as one accursed, from the day when he showed himself humane towards Agag, his prisoner; the faithful see in him a damned soul; the prejudice against Saul is so strong that his name is never given to a child, even among Jews detached from superstitious practices; in a word, the name of the first king of Israel has been so reviled by the priests that it inspires, even today, a sort of horror. Well, if one examines the sacred text closely, it strongly seems that Jehovah gave himself the lie at the last moment and that Saul was saved. In fact, Samuel declares to him: « To-morrow, thou and thy sons ye shall be with me »; and, when Samuel speaks thus, he is in that hell of the just which, according to Christian theology, must not be confounded with the hell of the damned; for, before the redemption effected by Jesus Christ, there were two hells: that of the reprobate, where Korah, Dathan and Abiram were swallowed up, and that of the elect, where the patriarchs, the prophets and all the saints of the Old Testament were waiting for the death of the Messiah to open them the gates of heaven. Therefore, if Saul went to rejoin Samuel, it is in the hell of the just; therefore Saul, in spite of his malediction, was one of the elect. That is one more contradiction to be noted in the Bible. That is not all. We saw above that David succeeded in preventing a prophecy of Jehovah from being accomplished. Jehovah in person had said to David: « The chiefs of the city of Keilah will deliver thee into the hands of Saul. » (1 Samuel 23:12) David, having heard that, hastened to slip away from Keilah without drum or trumpet, and he was not delivered up. Saul is less crafty than his son-in-law: this king believes in the predictions of Samuel, since he has him evoked, since he questions him; and when Samuel has announced to him that he will meet his death in that battle of Gilboa which he is preparing to give the Philistines, he is simpleton enough to march to the combat all the same! he does not make peace with the Philistines! It seems that the accomplishment of a prophecy made by a phantom, risen out of the earth at the evocation of a pythoness, ought to have been easier to evade than that of a prophecy of the Eternal Father speaking himself. Finally, here is what might well simplify all these so complex questions: is one quite sure that there was ever a Saul and a Samuel, and might not their whole history be a fresh mystification by the author of the Bible? In fact, the incredulous remark that it is only the Jewish books which mention this king and this prophet, and that the annals of Tyre, which have spoken of Solomon, never said a word of David... Why! there exist in that way a good many people who are astonished at the silence of the contemporaries of all these personages brought upon the scene by the sacred writer, and who have difficulty in digesting: 1st the combat of the youngster David against Goliath, a giant more than four metres tall, a mounted giant, that is to say mounted upon a proportionally gigantic horse; 2nd the story of Agag suddenly cut in pieces by a priest aged about a hundred years; 3rd the dowry of two hundred Philistine foreskins cut off by David and carefully counted by Saul, who gave him his daughter in thanks for this magnificent present; 4th, etc. If the pythoness of Endor arrives on top of all that, the digestion becomes more and more painful... Holy Ghost, come down into us! it will not go down!... However, David was still in the Philistine army; he had chosen his place « in the rear-guard ». Chapter 29 lets us know that the governors of the camp of Aphek did not look kindly upon him in their ranks and required of king Achish his dismissal. During these preliminaries, the Amalekites pillaged and burned Ziklag, the city of residence of the cherished anointed; on their return from the Philistine camp, David and his six hundred freebooters found their wives and children no more; the Amalekites had carried them off prisoners (1 Samuel 30:1-3); which proves at the very least one thing, namely that these enemies of the Jews had not their barbarity, were not massacrers. The two wives Abigail and Ahinoam were among the captives. David set out in pursuit of the Amalekites, overtook them and slaughtered them, after having taken back from them the prisoners of both sexes. The first book of Samuel ends with an account of the death of Saul, which will be presented in a quite different fashion in the second book from its very first chapter. Saul therefore gave the battle of Gilboa, and the army of Israel was beaten from the first engagements. « And the Philistines overtook Saul and his sons; and they killed Jonathan, Abinadab and Malchishua, sons of Saul. Now, all the effort of the combat was borne against the king, and the archers wounded him with their arrows. Then, Saul said unto his esquire: Draw thy sword, and pass it through my body, lest these uncircumcised come and pierce me through whilst insulting my misfortune. But his esquire, appalled at these sad orders, would not execute them. Saul, then, took his sword and threw himself upon it. Then the esquire, having seen his master dead, threw himself also upon his sword and died with him. » (1 Samuel 31:2-5) 240. Suicide of Saul. « The Israelites who dwelt beyond the valley where the battle was fought, having seen the rout of the Jewish army and having learned the death of Saul and of his sons, abandoned their cities; so that the Philistines entered therein and established themselves there. And, from the morrow of the battle, the Philistines came to strip the corpses. Having found those of Saul and of his three sons, they cut off the head of the king and made a trophy of his arms, which they carried about in all the environs and in their country, that the result of the war might be known everywhere. They placed at last his arms in the temple of Ashtaroth and hanged his body upon the walls of Beth-shan. Now, the inhabitants of Jabesh, having known these outrages inflicted upon the corpse of Saul, rose up, made a march which lasted a whole night, took down the body of the king from the walls of Beth-shan, and brought it back into their city, where they burned it with those of his sons. Then, they buried the bones under an oak, near Jabesh, and they fasted seven days in sign of mourning. » (1 Samuel 31:6-13) The second book of Samuel opens with a quite different account of the death of Saul. The contradiction is so flagrant that it deserves to be brought into relief; it shows well with what coolness the sacred author makes fun of believers. « After Saul was dead, David, who had just beaten the Amalekites, remained two days at Ziklag. » The author has already forgotten that this city had been totally destroyed by fire a few days earlier. « On the third day, there was seen to appear a man, who was returning from the camp of Saul; that man had his garments torn and his head covered with earth, and, being come unto David, he prostrated himself before him. David having asked him whence he came, he answered: I am escaped from the camp of Israel. David questioned him again: What hath happened? I pray thee, relate it to me. That man said: The Israelites have given way in the combat; the number of the slain is considerable, and Saul and his sons are among the dead. Then, David said unto that young man: How knowest thou that the king and Jonathan are dead? The young man made the narrative: I found myself by chance upon the mountain of Gilboa. And behold that I saw Saul who was holding himself leaning upon his halberd; some Philistine horsemen were on the point of reaching him. As he looked behind him, he saw me and called me: Who art thou? he asked me. I am an Amalekite, I answered. Stand firm over me, he went on, and make me die; for I am in anguish, and even my life is still all in me. I obeyed him therefore and I made him die. I took the crown which he had upon his head and the bracelet which he wore upon his arm, and I bring them to thee. Then, David tore all his garments; all the men who were around him imitated him. There was general mourning and a fast of one day. Then, David said unto him: How hadst thou the audacity to advance thy hand to slay an anointed of the Lord? Then, he called one of his people and commanded him to fall upon the bearer of news; the latter was straightway smitten, and he died. » (2 Samuel 1:1-15) 241. David weeps for Saul and Jonathan. After which, David composed a lament — the Bible gives it — upon the sad end of Saul and of Jonathan. I shall detach from it only this passage: « O Jonathan, my brother! oh! how I am in anguish, because of thee; thou wast all my pleasure; the love which I felt for thee was greater than that which I have for women! » (v. 26) We have seen, from the beginning of this work, that most of the books which compose the Bible are contested on various grounds by the learned. Thus, the Church claims that these books were written by such and such personages who therein relate the events of their own time: the Pentateuch is supposed to be the work of Moses; Joshua is supposed to be the author of the book of Joshua; Samuel, the author of the two books of Samuel. The aim of the Church, in imposing this belief upon its faithful, is to give these books a stronger character of veracity; and we have seen that the theologians, Bossuet at their head, grow red with anger when they are told that all that was manufactured after the event, in great part by Ezra, subsequently to the captivity of Babylon. In support of the opinion of the incredulous learned, it is fitting to note here, in passing, a simple phrase from chapter 1st of book 2 of Samuel, which allows one to observe the imposture of the manufacturers of Holy Scripture. « This lamentation of David upon Saul and Jonathan, it is said at verse 18, is found written also in the Book of the Just. » Now, this same Book of the Just was mentioned in the book of Joshua, apropos of the miracle of the sun and the moon stopped by the successor of Moses: « And the sun stood still, and the moon also, until the people had finished the carnage. This is written also in the Book of the Just. » (Joshua 10:13) If Joshua is not a myth, his miracle took place about five centuries before the reign of David. It is, consequently, materially impossible that Joshua could cite, in a book written by him, another book which, according to the so-called Samuel, also reproduces the lament of David upon Saul and Jonathan. This Book of the Just, which the Bible names several times, has been suppressed by the priests; they have made it disappear and say that it is a document unfortunately lost. Its existence let it be seen too clearly that the Old Testament was not written, as events unfolded, by the Moseses, Samuels, Davids, etc., faithfully relating the events of which they were the contemporaries. But one does not think of everything: the two biblical verses which I have just reproduced side by side show the tip of the ear, give certain proof of the sacerdotal imposture. David, then, who had been anointed by Samuel, did not consider himself really king until the death of Saul; it is only then that he performed an act of sovereignty. He first consulted Jehovah to know which city should be the capital of his kingdom, and Papa Good God designated Hebron to him (2 Samuel 2:1). Then he appealed to the people; but the chiefs of the tribe of Judah alone came to recognize him, « and there, at Hebron, they anointed David for king over the house of Judah » (v. 4). The son of Jesse was thus anointed twice; which amounts to saying that the anointing by Samuel did not count. After which, he installed at Hebron his wives Abigail and Ahinoam, and, to console himself for the absence of Michal, his first wife, daughter of Saul, he replaced her by four new wives: Haggith, Abital and Eglah, whose family the sacred author neglects to make known to us, and Maachah, daughter of H. M. Talmai, king of Geshur. These six wives appear to have got on fairly well together. A commander-in-chief was needed for David. One has not forgotten that Abishai who was his companion when he penetrated by night into the camp of Hachilah, and who pinched Saul’s chamber pot, while David carried off his halberd. Abishai, son of Zeruiah, had two brothers, named Joab and Asahel; it was Joab whom David placed at the head of his army, and we shall see him play an important part throughout the reign. « The number of the days that David reigned at Hebron over the tribe of Judah was seven years and six months. » (v. 11) On the other hand, Abner, commander-in-chief of Saul, did not recognize the elect of Judah. He presented to the people Ish-bosheth, the youngest of the sons of Saul, and the latter, acclaimed by the eleven other tribes, took the title of king of Israel and fixed his court at Mahanaim; his reign lasted only two years. 242. The youngest of the sons of Saul proclaims himself king. There was therefore civil war. At the outset, the armies of Israel and of Judah having met near the pool of Gibeon, Abner proposed to Joab to make twelve young men of the tribe of Benjamin fight against twelve young partisans of David. Joab accepted. « Then, each of the twelve on each side placed himself opposite his adversary and passed his sword through his body, so that they all fell together, having mutually pierced one another; and that place was named Helkath-hazzurim » (v. 16). Thereupon, a general mêlée began; the partisans of David routed those of Ish-bosheth. Abner had taken flight when he saw the battle lost. « He was running at full speed, pursued by the brother of Joab, Asahel, who was as light of foot as a roebuck in the country. And Asahel pursued Abner, without turning aside either to the right or to the left, but having a mind only to Abner. Now, the latter, in his running, looked behind him and said: Art thou not Asahel? — Yea, it is indeed I, answered Asahel. Then, Abner said unto him, still running: Cease to pursue me, and run rather after one of the young men of my army; kill him, and I acknowledge thy right upon his spoil. But Asahel persisted in running after the general. Abner said unto him again: Truly, thou art wrong to pursue me; for I should have but to turn round and to kill thee; and I assure thee that I should have grief in putting thee to death, because after that I should never dare appear again before Joab, thy brother. And behold Asahel would not hear reason, and he pursued more hotly than ever Abner who was fleeing. Then, Abner turned round all at once, and he smote him, at the fifth rib, with the end of the shaft of his halberd, so that his halberd went through him and came out at his back. Asahel fell dead upon the spot; and the other fugitives who came after stopped a moment to look at him lying upon the ground. » (2 Samuel 2:18-23) « Then, Joab and Abishai dashed off in pursuit of Abner, and they ran so long that the sun was setting when they arrived at the hill of Ammah, over against Giah. This time, the fugitives and the pursuers stopped. The Benjamites ranged themselves around Abner, at the summit of the hill, and from there Abner cried unto Joab these words: Shall the sword devour without ceasing? knowest thou not that there is bitterness in such a war? Say then very quickly to thy men to pursue their brethren no more. Joab answered: God is my witness that, if thou hadst spoken thus this morning, mine would already have withdrawn, each one having grief in fighting his brethren. Joab therefore sounded the trumpet, all the soldiers of Judah stopped, they pursued no more those of Israel. Thus, Abner, safe and sound, crossed the Jordan and betook himself to Mahanaim; on the other hand, Joab made the reckoning of his army and saw that nineteen partisans of David were missing in all, besides Asahel. On the contrary, the army of Abner had lost three hundred and sixty men. And the day was beginning to break, when Joab and his troops arrived at Hebron. » (2 Samuel 2:24-32) It would have been a pity not to reproduce the account of this famous battle; for, this being sacred history, dictated by the divinity itself, absurdities like those one has just read deserve to be pointed out. We must never lose sight of the fact that it is in the name of these stupidities, declared sublime, that priests are functionaries in the State, have privileges there, and that the money of taxpayers serves to maintain their caste, as if they were doctors of the noblest sciences and professors of the most admirable truths. While eleven tribes refused to recognize his royalty, David « strengthened his house by making children ». The cherished anointed did not waste his time, oh! no. « Of Ahinoam, he had Amnon, for firstborn; of Abigail, he had Chileab; of Maacah, he had Absalom; of Haggith, he had Adonijah; of Abital, he had Shephatiah; of Eglah, he had Ithream. These six sons of David were born at Hebron. » (2 Samuel 3:2-5) A story about a woman was, a little afterwards, to make Abner pass over to David’s party. Here, textually, is the anecdote: « Now, Saul had had a concubine, named Rizpah, daughter of Aiah. And Ish-bosheth said one day unto Abner: Wherefore hast thou lain with the concubine of my father? Abner, much irritated, answered him: Have I then a dog’s head, that thou reproachest me with having adjudged myself a woman, I who have upheld thee against the tribe of Judah after the death of thy father and of thy brothers? Since it is thus, may God lay his most severe hand upon me, if I give not to David thy throne, as Jehovah hath sworn to give it him, and if I transfer not the royalty from the house of Saul to that of David, from Dan unto Beersheba!... Ish-bosheth, who feared Abner, dared not answer him a word. Abner sent therefore deputies unto David, to say to him: Treat with me, and I will unite under thy sceptre all Israel. David answered: Be it so, I will treat with thee, on one single condition: which is that we shall not confer together before thou bring me back my dear Michal, daughter of Saul. And, on the other hand, David sent deputies unto Ish-bosheth, with this message: Let there be rendered to me immediately Michal, my first wife, whom I espoused for two hundred foreskins of Philistines! Ish-bosheth sent to fetch his sister and took her from her husband Phalti, son of Laish. And as far as Bahurim, the second husband of Michal, Phalti, followed her, and he wept hot tears, walking behind her. Then, Abner said unto Phalti: Now, walk back, and go away all alone. Phalti returned. » (2 Samuel 3:7-16) It is thus that David recovered his wife no. 1, to whom he was much attached, as one sees; but he none the less kept the six others. As for Abner, his treason towards Ish-bosheth did not bring him luck. When he betook himself to Hebron to treat with the son of Jesse, he had had himself accompanied by twenty of his officers; David gave a feast in his honour, then dismissed him as a friend, so that he might go and convince the Israelites that he alone was the legitimate king. But Joab, having learned of this, sent men of his own, who overtook Abner on the road and brought him back to Hebron, under pretext that David had something more to say to him. « Then, Joab took Abner apart, to speak to him in secret, and he killed him by piercing him through the genital parts. » The death of Asahel was avenged. David, at the news of this murder, proclaimed that he had nothing to do with it. Let the blood of Abner, he cried, fall back upon the head of Joab! He even gave splendid funerals to the commander-in-chief of the army of his rival. (2 Samuel 3:20-39) The situation was not a gay one for Ish-bosheth; a great number of his partisans were abandoning him. Two of his captains, named Rechab and Baanah, entered his chamber one day when it was very hot and when he was sleeping after his midday meal, and they smothered him upon his bed. Proud of this fine exploit and counting upon a reward, they brought his head to David. David rewarded them by having their hands and feet cut off, to begin with; then Rechab and Baanah were hanged upon a gibbet erected above the pool of Hebron. Finally, David had the head of Ish-bosheth deposited in the tomb of Abner. (2 Samuel 4). 243. Tragic death of Ish-bosheth. After having reigned seven years and a half at Hebron, David reigned thirty-three years at Jerusalem, which belonged to the Jebusites, and of which he took possession thanks to the definitive union of all the Israelites under his sceptre. « David dwelt in the fortress, to which he gave the name of city of David, and he built edifices all around. Hiram, king of Tyre, sent him ambassadors, as well as carpenters and masons, with cedar wood, to have a palace built for him. » Let us recall that the annals of Tyre make no mention of this embassy and do not even cite the name of David. Be that as it may, the real establishment of the Jewish people begins at the taking of Jerusalem; until then, the Israelites had been only a vagabond horde, living by rapine, running from mountain to mountain and from cavern to cavern, without having been able to seize a single considerable stronghold. Jerusalem is situated near the desert, on the route of all the Arabs who went to trade in Phoenicia; the position was a good one. The ground, in truth, is nothing but stones and produces nothing; but the three mountains upon which the city is built made it a very important stronghold. One sees that David lacked everything for building there houses suitable to a capital, since Hiram, king of Tyre, sent him wood, carpenters and masons; but one does not see how David could pay Hiram, nor what bargain he made with him. David was, says Voltaire, at the head of a nation long enslaved, which must have been very poor; the booty he had made in his raids cannot have enriched him greatly, since there is no mention of any opulent city that he pillaged; but after all, although Jewish history gives us no detail of the state in which Judaea then was, although we do not know how David set about governing that country, we must always regard him as its sole founder. As soon as he saw himself master of Jerusalem and of fifteen or twenty leagues of country, « David took yet concubines and married new wives; and there were born to him yet sons and daughters. These are the names of the sons who were born to him at Jerusalem: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada and Eliphelet. » (2 Samuel 5:13-16) His personal installation being completed, David thought of giving Jehovah a suitable lodging, that is to say of having the holy ark transported to his capital. « He assembled anew all the elite of Israel, amounting to thirty thousand men, and, accompanied by all the tribe of Judah, he went to fetch the ark of God, upon which Sabaoth is invoked, that sacred ark wherein the Eternal resideth between the cherubim. The ark of God was therefore placed upon a waggon quite new, and they took it at the borough of Gibeah, where it was, in the house of Abinadab (son of Saul, dead with him at Gilboa); Uzzah and Ahio, children of Abinadab, drove the waggon (2 Samuel 6:1-3)... But when they were arrived near the barn of Nachon, the oxen slipped and, in falling, made the ark to lean; Uzzah held it back with his hands. Then, the anger of God was kindled against Uzzah; God smote him, and he fell dead upon the spot, before the ark of God. » (v. 6-7) « Then, David felt a great fright of Jehovah that day, and he said to himself: It would be perhaps dangerous that the ark of God should enter into my house. And he caused it to be placed in the house of one named Obed-Edom. » (2 Samuel 6:9-10) If the writer of this part of the Bible is not Samuel, he is nevertheless a priest, in all probability; for what dominates in this narrative is the preoccupation with preventing laymen from touching the ark. We have already seen the appalling hecatomb of fifty thousand and seventy curious persons, dead instantly, as if struck by lightning, for having looked into the sacred box; the author, to inspire fear, did not recoil before the improbability of the anecdote. Now, it matters little that God should appear of a crying injustice! here is an ark which, although divine, cannot have taken up a very great space, since it occupied only a simple cart, and this cart must have been very narrow, since it passed through the defiles which run from the mountain of Gibeah to the mountain of Jerusalem; now, the priests did not accompany the holy chest, which is hardly conceivable, and, given that all the necessary precautions were not taken to prevent it from falling, here is this worthy man Uzzah who holds back the ark, who preserves it from a fall, and who sees himself rewarded for his religious zeal by a sudden death! One will avow that this is steep! The incredulous, milord Bolingbroke at their head, have therefore an easy game of it in saying that this narrative is injurious to the divine goodness, and that, if there was anyone guilty, it was the Levites who had abandoned the sacred box, and not the layman who was holding it up... But it is with narratives of this species that the ignorant people were maintained in the belief in the immunities and privileges accorded by God to the sacerdotal caste. Another remark: these coarse beginnings of the reign of David prove that the Jewish nation was still as coarse as it was poor, and that in reality it did not yet possess a house suitable enough to deposit the object of its worship in. The sieur Obed-edom, constituted guardian of the ark, took great care not to touch it; that is why « the Eternal blessed him, as well as all his family, and his affairs prospered ». (2 Samuel 6:11) David, having observed, at the end of three months, that there was thus a way of not being struck down, had the ark reclaimed from Obed-edom. It was then transported to Jerusalem. The ceremony of the transfer was solemn, and the king manifested an extraordinary joy in this circumstance: « David, girded with an ephod of linen, leaped with all his strength (sic) before the ark of God. » (v. 13) In his gladness, he even raised his leg a little too high and showed... what he ought not to have let be seen. Michal, his wife no. 1, did not conceal from him her way of thinking upon this subject, after the sacred box had been placed in a tabernacle, constructed ad hoc. 244. David dances before the ark. « When David came unto his house to bless it, Michal went to meet him and said unto him: The king of Israel hath done himself much honour to-day, in uncovering his nakedness before the eyes of his handmaids, and he hath had no shame thereof, as a madman would do! » (v. 20) As for Jehovah, he was greatly satisfied with this wild dance, and he punished Michal for having despised her husband that day; for her chastisement, « she had no children, unto the day of her death ». (2 Samuel 6:23) David would have wished to construct a temple to Jehovah; but the god of the Jews opposed it, he was reserving that honour for Solomon. (2 Samuel 7) Chapter 8 is devoted to the victories of David. « After that, David beat the Philistines, humbled them, and freed the Israelite people from the tribute which it paid them. » (2 Samuel 8:1) One is much astonished that the cherished anointed, after the conquest of Jerusalem, should still have paid tribute to the Philistines, and that fresh victories were needed to free the Jews from this onerous subjection; that proves that this people was still a very small people. « David also defeated the Moabites, and, having vanquished them, he made them lie down upon the ground and be measured with cords; one measure of cord was for death, another measure was for life; and Moab was made subject to tribute ». (2 Samuel 8:2) The manner in which David treats the Moabites singularly resembles the pagan fable which has been retailed about Busiris, who had his captives measured against the length of his bed; the limbs which overhung were cut off, and the limbs which were not long enough were stretched by tortures. « Then, David defeated also Hadadezer, king of Zobah, in Syria, and he overthrew his dominion upon the river of the Euphrates. He took from him seventeen hundred horsemen and twenty thousand footmen; he cut the hamstrings of all the horses of his chariots of war, save those of a hundred chariots, which he reserved for himself. Now, the Syrians of Damascus having come to the succour of Hadadezer, David killed twenty-two thousand of them. He established a garrison in the Syria of Damascus, and all Syria paid him tribute. He took the arms of gold of the officers of Hadadezer and brought them to Jerusalem. » (2 Samuel 8:3-7) He made alliance with a certain Toi, king of Hamath, as unknown in history as the king over whom he was the conqueror. « And, on returning from his campaign in Syria, he cut to pieces eighteen thousand Idumeans in the valley of the Salt-pits. » (v. 13) Several learned men formally deny these victories of David in Syria and as far as the Euphrates. They say that no mention is made of them anywhere, in any historian; that no king of Syria of the name of Hadadezer is known; that, if David had extended his domination as far as the shores of the Euphrates, he would have been one of the greatest sovereigns of the earth at that epoch, and that, consequently, the absolute silence of all the historians about him would be incomprehensible. In sum, the learned regard as an untenable exaggeration these alleged conquests by the chief of a minuscule nation, mistress of a single city which was not even yet built! In the midst of his glory, David suddenly remembered an old servant of Saul, named Ziba; he sent for him and asked him whether by chance anyone of the family of the first king might not still be living. Ziba informed him (David did not know this!) that Jonathan had left a son, Mephibosheth, who, with time, had become a papa; this offshoot was called Micha. The monarch had no competition to fear on the part of the son of Jonathan, since he kept so quiet as to have remained unknown for so many years. He gave lands to Ziba and to Mephibosheth, and desired that the latter should henceforward take his meals nowhere but at the royal palace (2 Samuel 9) « From that time, Mephibosheth dwelt at Jerusalem, because he ate continually at the table of the king; and he was lame of both feet. » (v. 13) David also made war upon the Ammonites (2 Samuel 10), following a bad joke of their king, Hanun. A certain number of Jews being on a journey in the territory of Hanun, the latter « caused half their beards to be shaved and half their garments to be cut off, from the top of the thighs unto the feet; then, he sent them back thus ». (v. 4) It goes without saying that the Ammonites were beaten flat-seam (‘beaten flat-seam’ — fr. ‘battus à plate couture’, a sewing image: beaten utterly). Holy Scripture has just enumerated for us the sons whom David had at Jerusalem, among whom Solomon. The circumstances of the birth of this son form the subject of chapter 11. One day when the king was walking about, he perceived in the distance a beautiful woman who was taking a bath; at once, he felt the keen desire to see this lady closer at hand. (2 Samuel 11:2) 245. David a prey to the demon of adultery. « Who is this woman? demanded he. And one of his officers said unto him: It is Bathsheba, daughter of Eliam, wife of the captain Uriah. Then, David sent men in his service unto Bathsheba, and she was carried off. 246. Criminal projects of the king. He lay therefore with her; after which, Bathsheba washed herself, and thus she purified herself of her uncleanness; then, she returned unto her house. Now, this woman conceived; she sent to tell David in these terms: I am with child. At this news, David commanded Joab, his general-in-chief, to send him Uriah. Being come, Uriah was questioned by the king upon Joab, upon the people, and upon what was passing at the war. Then, David said unto Uriah: Get thee unto thy house, and wash thy feet (sic). Uriah went forth therefore from the house of the king, followed by a royal present which the servants of David bore behind him. But Uriah slept at the door of the house of the king, with the servants of his lord, and went not down into his house. And it was reported to David, who called him back and said unto him: Wherefore art thou not gone unto thy house, since thou wast returning from a journey? Uriah answered David: What! the ark of God lodgeth under a tent, and Joab, my general, and all my companions in arms also! and I, I should enter into my house to eat and drink there and to lie with my wife? No, I will not do that! Then, David kept Uriah at Jerusalem yet a day and the morrow. Then, David made him eat and drink with him, and he made Uriah drunken. The next morning, the king wrote unto Joab; he sent his letter by the hands of Uriah. Now, this letter was written in these terms: At the first battle which ye shall give, ye shall put Uriah in the most dangerous post, and ye shall withdraw yourselves from beside him at the height of the combat, that he may be smitten and that he may die. » (2 Samuel 11:2-15) « After therefore Joab had made the examination of the city of Rabbah, which he was besieging, he placed Uriah at the spot where he knew that there would be a sortie of the most valiant Ammonites. And the besieged came forth against the army of Joab; and some of the besiegers were killed, and Uriah was found among the number of those who perished. 247. The brave captain Uriah is sacrificed. Then, Joab sent a messenger unto David to make known to him all that had happened in that combat. If it happen that the king put himself in anger, said he to the messenger, and if he reproach that they approached too near the ramparts, thou shalt add these words: O king, thy servant Uriah is dead in that assault. » (v. 16-21) The messenger acquitted himself of his mission. « David, having heard it, answered: Make known to Joab that he must in no wise be discouraged; let him redouble the combat against Rabbah, and let him destroy that city. » (v. 25) « Then, the wife of Uriah, having learned that her husband was dead, went into mourning. And when the time of mourning was past, David sent to fetch her, took her with him, and she was his wife, and she brought him forth a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Eternal. » (2 Samuel 11:26-27) 248. David consoles Bathsheba, widow of Uriah. Jehovah delegated to the king the prophet Nathan, who reeled off a little story to him: a great rich man, proprietor of numerous cattle, had one day given hospitality to a traveller, and, to regale him, he served him a ewe which he stole from a poor man, instead of taking one from his own abundant flock. David was growing indignant against this dishonest rich man when Nathan interrupted him: « That guilty one against whom thy anger is kindled, it is thyself. God hath sent me to remind thee that he had anointed thee king of Israel, that he had rid thee of Saul, that he had even given thee numerous wives, and if all that could seem to thee little, he was disposed to grant thee yet something else. But behold thou hast caused the captain Uriah to perish, and thou hast taken from him his wife! Wherefore Jehovah chargeth me to tell thee that the sword shall never go forth from thy house in all eternity, because thou hast despised his benefits. And behold: God is going to bring forth from thine own family a shame which shall be against thee and which shall humble thee much; God, I announce it to thee, will take thy wives before thine own eyes, he will give them to one of thy kindred, and he shall lie with thy wives in broad day, before the eyes of all Israel; for, thou, thou hast fornicated in secret; but he who shall possess thy wives and thy concubines, shall fornicate in public with them, for thy humiliation. Then, David said unto Nathan: Alas! I have sinned against the Eternal! Nathan resumed: Since thou weepest, thou shalt not die; God taketh away thy sin and maketh it to pass upon the head of thy son; it is the child born of thy sin who shall die. » (2 Samuel 12:7-14) Majestic exit of the prophet; prayer and fasting of David, death, at the end of seven days, of the child he had had by Bathsheba. « During those seven days, David took no food, and he remained day and night lying upon the ground at full length. And his servants feared to tell him that the child was dead. When the child was alive, said they, the king refused to hearken to our voice; how then should we make known to him his death? That cannot be, for he would afflict himself the more. But David, having perceived that his servants were speaking quite low, understood that the child was dead. He put therefore to them this question: Is not my son dead? They answered: Yea. Then, David rose from the ground, made his toilet, rubbed all his body with sweet perfumes, clothed himself in fine garments, and went to prostrate himself before the ark of God. Then, he returned to his palace, asked for dinner, and ate much. His servants astonished said unto him: O king, what doest thou then? we understand nothing of it. Thou hast fasted and wept for this child, whilst he was still alive; and now that he is dead, behold thou weepest no more and thou eatest with good appetite! David said unto them: When the child was only sick, I fasted and I wept; for I asked myself whether God would not have pity on me and would not let my son live. But, now that he is dead, wherefore should I fast? would my abstinence recall him to life? No, would it? In continuing to take no food, I should die in my turn; I should go to rejoin my child, and he, he would not come back to me. Then, David went unto Bathsheba, and, to console her, he lay with her until she bore him another son. This second child of Bathsheba received from his father the name of Solomon; and he pleased the Eternal, who loved him. Now, David informed Nathan the prophet of this birth, and Nathan imposed upon the child a second name, the name of Jedidiah. » (2 Samuel 12:17-25) There is a most edifying episode, certainly!... The marriage of Bathsheba, pregnant by David, is declared null by several rabbis and by several commentators, Voltaire reports. Among us, an adulterous woman cannot marry her lover, the assassin of her husband, without a dispensation from the pope: that is what was decided by pope Celestine III. We do not know whether the pope can, in fact, have such a power; but it is certain that among no civilized nation is it permitted to marry the widow of the man one has assassinated. There is another difficulty: if the marriage of David and Bathsheba is null, one cannot then say that Jesus Christ is the legitimate descendant of David, as the Gospel declares in giving his genealogy. If, on the contrary, it is decided that he descends from him legally, one tramples underfoot the law of all nations, one of those universal laws conformable to the most elementary principles of morality; if the marriage of David and Bathsheba is only a fresh crime, Jesus Christ is then born of the most impure source, since the New Testament makes him descend from Solomon. To escape this dilemma, the theologians invoke the repentance of David, which repaired everything. But his repentance was only of short duration, and he kept the widow of Uriah, his victim; therefore his crime was aggravated; that is a fresh difficulty, which the theologians cannot resolve, and they are reduced to falling back, as always, upon the necessity of a blind faith, the wills of God being incomprehensible most of the time. In the case we are examining, it is in fact impossible to disentangle exactly the sentiments of Jehovah. He who killed the good old man Nabal, to facilitate the first adultery of David, grows angry that his cherished anointed has rendered himself guilty of assassination with regard to Uriah; ought David then to have begged him to take charge of that murderous job, and to have had Bathsheba thanks to a divine thunderbolt, as he had had Abigail?... Then, Jehovah gives proof, in this circumstance, of a bizarre anger. He shows himself angry, since he sends the prophet Nathan to address reproaches to the king and to fulminate the announcement of terrible chastisements; but his anger does not prevent him from looking with a favourable eye upon the marriage of David with the widow of the assassinated man, since he manifests his predilection for Solomon, born of David and of that widow. He transfers the sin of the assassin to a child in the cradle; then, by the effect of this strange celestial combination, David is therefore definitively pardoned, you will say?... Not precisely. He is pardoned, for the child died; but he is not pardoned, for the threat of making the wives and concubines of the king lie with another in the sight of all Israel subsisted entirely, as one is going to see. Meanwhile, Joab had ended by seizing Rabbah, the capital of the Ammonites (2 Samuel 12:26). David came to take possession of this new conquest. « And he took the diadem from off the head of the king of the Ammonites; now, this diadem, all enriched with precious stones, weighed a talent of gold; and David placed it upon his head, and he brought back from Rabbah a very considerable booty. » (2 Samuel 12:30). It has been calculated that the weight of a talent of gold was equivalent to ninety pounds: it is hardly possible that a man could wear such a crown; it would have crushed Goliath himself. Having vanquished the Ammonites, the king of Israel inflicted appalling tortures upon his prisoners; it was these same inhabitants of Rabbah who had rid David of captain Uriah: David was half-pardoned by God; but Jehovah chose David to be the executor of the divine vengeance against his own accomplices, who, moreover, were perfectly innocent, having loyally fought; if anyone ought to have caught it, it was Joab, whose part had hardly been honourable. « David caused all the inhabitants of Rabbah to be brought to him; all were massacred, some being sawn in two with saws, others crushed and torn by heavy harrows of iron which were made to pass over them, others cut up alive with knives, and the rest thrown into furnaces for baking brick. David treated in like manner the population of all the Ammonite cities; after which, he returned to Jerusalem. » (2 Samuel 12:31) 249. Ferocity of David towards the Ammonites. It is to be wished that these inconceivable barbarities are an exaggeration, as is evidently the diadem of ninety pounds. There is no example, in history, of a cruelty so enormous and so deliberate. Mr. Huet, of London, does not fail to paint it in the colours it deserves. The Benedictine dom Calmet says « that it is to be presumed that David followed only the common laws of war; that Scripture reproaches David with nothing upon that head, and that it even renders him the express testimony that, apart from the affair of Uriah, his conduct was always irreproachable ». This excuse would be good in a history of tigers and panthers, answers Mr. Huet; what man, unless he have the heart of a true Jew, will be able to find expressions suitable to such a horror? And this is the man after God’s own heart!... In any case, whether this story be exact or invented at pleasure, one can only brand such a religious teaching; and what is to be thought of those who have given themselves the mission of convincing a people that such savageries are glorious and meritorious acts?... But, in this family of David, one gets out of one horror only to fall back into another. Let us continue. « Immediately after, Amnon, son of David, fell in love with his sister Tamar, sister also of Absalom, another son of David: and he was so much in love with her that all his thought was absorbed in this passion, with despair; for Tamar was a virgin, and it seemed to him too difficult to obtain anything of her. Now, Amnon was bound in the most intimate friendship with Jonadab, a man very adroit, nephew of David. And Jonadab said unto Amnon: Wherefore growest thou thus lean from day to day? why dost thou not tell me the cause thereof? Amnon answered him: It is that I am in love with my sister Tamar, sister by the mother of my brother Absalom. Then, Jonadab said unto him: Lie down in thy bed and feign sickness; then, when thy father shall come to see thee, pray him to send thee Tamar to make thee fritters with meat, which she knoweth very well how to prepare. » (2 Samuel 13:1-5) Profane history reports incests which have some resemblance to that of Amnon. However, it is not to be presumed that the one was copied from the other; for, after all, such immodesties have been but too common among all nations. What is here particularly strange is that Amnon confides his criminal passion to his cousin Jonadab; the family of David must therefore have been very dissolute for one of its sons, who could have so many concubines at his service, to insist absolutely upon enjoying his own sister, and for his first cousin to facilitate the means of it for him. Amnon followed the counsel of Jonadab, and things came about as the latter had foreseen. The king, having come to his bedridden son, listened to his request, believed in one of those inoffensive fancies of an invalid which are not refused, and sent his daughter to prepare in Amnon’s chamber the famous meat fritters, her speciality as a cordon bleu. « Tamar came therefore unto her brother Amnon, and found him lying down. She took dough, kneaded it, and she made thereof before him fritters, which she cooked mingling therein little pieces of meat. Then, she brought the pan near his bed and poured out the fritters. But Amnon said: I will not eat them before the people who are there! Every one withdrew. Then, Amnon, who had retained Tamar, spake to her thus: Bring near the fritters which thou hast prepared for me, and come thou thyself near, because I will eat them only from thy hand; come near, Tamar, nearer still. Tamar did as he asked her. But, whilst she was leaning over his bed to make him eat a fritter, he seized her all at once, and said unto her: Come, come, let thyself be done with; lie with me, my sister. And she answered him: No, my brother, I will not, and, I pray thee, do me no violence, for rape is forbidden among the Israelites. Commit not this infamous action. And I, what should become of me, once thou hadst inflicted upon me this shame? Thou, thou wouldst pass for a madman. Now, hearken: if thou wilt have me at any price, speak of it to the king, our father, and doubtless, for a marriage, he will not refuse to give me to thee. But Amnon would not hearken to her; now, as he was stronger than she, he threw her down and lay with her. 250. Amnon, son of the king, dishonours his sister Tamar. Then, as soon as he had violated her, he conceived for her so great a hatred that his hatred was greater than his love had been. And he said unto her: Rise up, I will have thee no more, get thee gone! Then, Tamar wept, saying: The evil which thou doest me now is yet stronger than the evil which thou hast just done me upon this bed. But Amnon, having called a servant, said unto him: Drive this girl out of my chamber, and shut the door upon her. » (2 Samuel 13:8-17) What do you think of it, readers?... As an anecdote of a holy book, dictated by God, is it well enough turned out?... Let us continue to reproduce this text, sacred basis of the religion which has among us an official budget reckoning each year by millions, at the expense of the taxpayers, without counting the milliards which, for centuries, the priests have extorted in every manner, always availing themselves of the divine rights inscribed in favour of their caste in the filthy Bible. Thus, Tamar was driven out. « She took ashes and scattered them upon her head; she tore the fine parti-coloured robe which she had upon her, and she went away crying, holding her hand upon her head » (v. 19). Absalom, who was, like her, a child of Maachah, wife no. 4 of David, has left a reputation above all a hairy one; he is one of the illustrious biblical personages celebrated for their shock of hair; as regards the length of his locks, he queens the pawn over Samson and Samuel (‘queens the pawn over’ — fr. ‘damer le pion à’, from draughts: to crown one’s piece first, hence to outdo). When he learned of the violation of Tamar, Absalom first tried to console her. We cite textually: « Hath our brother Amnon lain with thee? said he unto her. But now, hold thy peace; he is thy brother. Take not this to heart! » (v. 20) In spite of these good words, Tamar remained desolate. As for David, when he learned in what fashion his son Amnon understood the little feast of meat fritters, he felt a great anger; but it was a fire of straw. (‘a fire of straw’ — fr. ‘un feu de paille’, a blaze that flares up and dies at once) « Absalom, he, spake neither good nor evil unto Amnon; but, at bottom, he hated him. » (v. 22) Absalom dissembled his hatred for two years. (2 Samuel 13:23) At the end of that time, he gave, at Baal-hazor where he had a villa, a great feast to which he invited all his brothers, including Amnon. The incestuous ravisher drank beyond measure and was assassinated at dessert. (2 Samuel 13:24-29) 252. Absalom avenges the honour of Tamar. It is a great impurity to lie with one’s sister, remarks Voltaire; it is an extreme brutality to drive her out afterwards with outrage; but it is no doubt a still greater crime to assassinate one’s brother treacherously by luring him to one’s house and making him feast. All the brothers of Absalom, witnesses of this fratricide, left the table precipitately and fled upon their mules, as if they had feared to have the fate of Amnon. Apropos of this, it has been observed that this is the first time there is question of mules in Jewish history. A theologian, in his mania for wanting to put the extraordinary even where there is none, the priceless dom Calmet, had the fine idea of advancing, in his commentary on the Bible, that « the mules of Palestine are not produced by the coupling of an ass and a mare, but that they are begotten of a he-mule and a she-mule ». This unexpected novelty provoked the laughter of Voltaire, who answers the Benedictine: « Dom Calmet cites, upon this subject, the opinion of Aristotle; but he would have done better, no doubt, to consult a good muleteer. We have seen several travellers who assure us that Aristotle was mistaken and the reverend Calmet with him. There is no naturalist today who believes in the alleged races of mules. A little donkey makes a fine mule upon a mare; but nature stops there, and the mule has not the power to beget. Why then has Providence given him the instrument of generation? It is said that she does nothing in vain: however, the instrument of a mule becomes the most useless thing in the world. It is, moreover, with the parts of the mule as with the breasts of men; those breasts are very useless, and serve only for show. » David wept much for Amnon and did not conceal that he blamed Absalom for having killed him; that is why Absalom exiled himself from Israel: he took refuge in the kingdom of Geshur, whose sovereign, king Talmai, was his maternal grandfather. He remained three years in this asylum. (2 Samuel 13:37-38) Joab used address to have Absalom recalled; he succeeded in it as best he could and brought him back to Jerusalem (2 Samuel 14:23); but David would not have his son appear before him. « Now, there was no man in all Israel fairer than Absalom; he had not the least defect, from the feet unto the head; and when he had his hair cut (which happened to him once a year, because then the weight of his head of hair embarrassed him too much), he weighed it, and it was found that its weight reached as much as two hundred shekels. 251. Absalom, another son of David, at the barber’s. On the other hand, Absalom had three sons and a daughter, whom he named Tamar and who became a very beautiful woman. But it matters above all to know that he dwelt at Jerusalem two whole years without seeing the king his father. Then, he sent word to Joab to come and find him, to pray him to restore him altogether to the good graces of the king; but Joab would not come unto Absalom. Summoned a second time, he refused again to come. Absalom said then unto his people: Ye are not ignorant that Joab possesseth a field of barley near mine; go therefore, and set fire thereto. And the people of Absalom burned the harvest of the general-in-chief of the armies of David. Then, Joab came unto Absalom, into his house, and said unto him: Wherefore have thy servants set fire to my barley? Absalom answered him: I have caused thee to be prayed to come and see me, in order to reconcile me with the king my father, and thou hast not troubled thyself; it was not worth the pains, truly, to have brought me back from Geshur! it were better that I were still there! Now therefore, I pray thee, make me to see the king; if he find yet some iniquity, well, let him kill me! Joab reported these words to David, who then caused Absalom to be called; and Absalom having put himself upon his knees before the king, the king kissed him. » (2 Samuel 14:25-33) If this conduct of Absalom towards Joab is less horrible than the rest, it is, on the other hand, excessively grotesque. Never, anywhere but in the Bible, has anyone taken it into his head to burn the barley of a commander-in-chief, of a prime minister, in order to have a conversation with him; it is a queer means of obtaining audiences!... « After that, Absalom had chariots made for himself; he assembled horsemen and fifty men who marched before him (2 Samuel 15:1)... And he made a great conspiracy, promising to all to render justice; and Absalom thus attached to himself the hearts of the Israelites (v. 6)... And, forty years afterwards, Absalom said one day unto David: I must absent myself; for I have to betake myself to Hebron to accomplish a vow which I made unto Jehovah, at the time when I dwelt at Geshur. The king answered him: Go in peace. Absalom went therefore to Hebron. And Absalom caused to be published throughout all Israel, at the sound of the trumpet, that he had been established king at Hebron. And two hundred men of Jerusalem, whom he had drawn along, were with him at Hebron, in the simplicity of their heart, knowing nothing of that conspiracy (v. 7-11) ... Then, David said unto his officers who were with him at Jerusalem: Let us be gone, let us flee very quickly, for fear lest Absalom come and seize our persons and cause us to be devoured by the mouth of his glaive. His officers answered him: We are ready to do all that thou shalt find good. King David went forth therefore from Jerusalem with all his people, marching with his feet, leaving only ten of his wives to keep his house; and all the people followed him, unto the very distant place where he stopped; then, they took up their march again, going ever further off, all his officers and his servants making the road beside him; and the troops of the Cherethites, of the Pelethites and six hundred Gittites marched on foot before the king. » (2 Samuel 15:14-18) 253. Flight of David. Milord Bolingbroke relates that general Widers, some time after the battle of Blenheim where he had distinguished himself, hearing one day his chaplain read this passage of the Bible, snatched the book from him and threw it on the ground, saying: « By God! chaplain, there is a great poltroon and a vile wretch, that David of yours, to go off barefoot with his fine regiment of Gittites!... Ah! I would have faced about, and, jarnidieu! (‘jarnidieu’ — old French oath, a muffled ‘je renie Dieu’, I deny God) I would have run at that rascal Absalom; death of God! I would have had him hanged from the first pear tree! » « And everybody wept, with great cries; then, king David crossed the torrent of Kidron, and the people took the road which leads to the desert. Zadok was there also, with all the Levites who bore the ark of God. » (2 Samuel 15:23-24) But David made the ark return to Jerusalem. « When David had passed the top of the mountain, Ziba, steward of Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan, came to meet him with two asses laden with two hundred loaves, a hundred baskets of figs, a hundred packets of dried raisins and a goat-skin filled with wine. He was bringing that for the king and his family. And David asked Ziba: Where is Mephibosheth? Ziba answered: He hath remained at Jerusalem, in the hope that Israel will restore to him to-day the kingdom of his grandfather Saul. Then, David said unto Ziba: Well then, I give thee all the goods of Mephibosheth (2 Samuel 16:1-4). .. Now, king David being come in his flight as far as Bahurim, an old servant of Saul, named Shimei, came forth from his house and set himself to cursing the king; and he threw stones against David and against all his officers; and all the people and all the valiant men, surrounding the king on the right and on the left, received those stones. Shimei cried unto David: Come then hither, man of blood! come, that I may stone thee, man of Belial! (2 Samuel 16:5-7)... But David and his people continued their road, and Shimei pursued them, continuing to hurl stones at them, so much and so much that there rose about the king a cloud of dust. » (2 Samuel 16:13). The critics observe that, if the sacred author had been only an ordinary writer, he would have detailed the rebellion of Absalom; he would have said what the forces of this prince were; he would have informed us why David, that great warrior, fled so piteously from Jerusalem before his son had arrived there. Was Jerusalem fortified? was it not? How is it that all the people who follow David offer no resistance? Is it possible that a tyrant as ferocious, as pitiless as David, who has just sawn in two, crushed under harrows of iron, burned in brick kilns his vanquished enemies, should flee from his capital snivelling like a foolish child, without making the least attempt to arrest the revolt of a criminal son?... And the incident of that Shimei, who throws stones at him with impunity all along the road, while he is surrounded by so many men-at-arms and by all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, is it not one of the most burlesque mystifications of the divine pigeon, inspirer of the writer?... One comes to wonder whether one is dreaming, when one reads twaddle of such inanity in a religious book which one must believe under pain of anathema!... With regard to that poor Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan and grandson of Saul, how did this man, lame in both feet, hope to reign? did he imagine that Absalom, who had just raised the standard of revolt to proclaim himself king, was going to abdicate in his favour and complete for another than himself the deposition of David?... How, on the other hand, does David, who has nothing left, who can dispose of nothing any more, give all the goods of prince Mephibosheth to his servant Ziba?... Fréret says that if this prince Mephibosheth had a steward (which is hard to believe), it is probable that this steward, represented as so unfaithful, would not have failed, in the debacle, to seize his master’s goods, without waiting for the permission of David. « Meanwhile, Absalom had entered into Jerusalem, with all the people of his party, and Ahithophel, of Giloh, one of the counsellors of David, had gone over to him (2 Samuel 16:15)... And Ahithophel said unto Absalom: Believe me, fornicate publicly with all the wives of thy father, whom he hath left for the keeping of his house, and thus, when the Israelites shall know that thou hast done to thy father this affront which is the worst of outrages, they shall be but the more strongly attached to thee. Absalom caused therefore a tent to be spread above the terrace of the house of his father, he obliged the wives of his father to go up upon the terrace, and there, he fornicated with them all, in the presence of the people. » (2 Samuel 16:21-22) The critics hardly believe that the fact of committing in public a thing so indecent is a very efficacious proceeding for attaching a people to oneself; they refuse to believe also that Absalom, young as he was, could consummate the act, one after another, with the ten wives of his father, before the whole population of Jerusalem. But what is clearest is that the sacred author, writing the fundamental book of religion, takes delight in the dirtiest stories; after the incest of Amnon, we are served the ten incests of Absalom; with the holy Bible, we get out of atrocities only to fall into turpitudes. Ahithophel gave another counsel to Absalom, that of choosing twelve thousand men and pursuing David immediately; but one named Hushai counselled him to appeal first to all Israel, from Dan as far as Beersheba, and this last advice appeared the better to Absalom. Ahithophel, vexed at not having been listened to, strangled himself (2 Samuel 17). Finally, the party of the revolt sustained a defeat in the forest of Ephraim, where twenty thousand soldiers of Absalom were killed by the troops of the king, commanded by Joab. In his flight, the son of David, who was mounted upon a mule, had his hair caught in the branches of an oak and remained suspended there, the mule having continued on its way. Joab, being informed, took three javelins and transfixed Absalom with them. This episode seems rather far-fetched by the hair, does it not? As for David, when he learned of the death of the handsome young man, he shed abundant tears and cried several times: « Absalom my son! My son Absalom! Absalom my son! » The deceased had no other funeral oration. (2 Samuel 18) 254. Absalom killed by Joab. David therefore re-entered his capital; he pardoned Shimei, who had thrown stones at him, and Mephibosheth, who swore to him that he had never dreamed of usurping his crown (2 Samuel 19). There was yet another sedition, fomented by a certain Sheba; it too was overcome, and the people with whom Sheba had taken refuge cut off his head. Finally, there was a captain Amasa, whom Absalom had raised to the rank of general; Joab drew near to him, feigning to wish him well; and, while they were talking, « Joab seized with his right hand the beard of Amasa familiarly, as if he wished to embrace him; now, Amasa took no heed of the sword which Joab held in his left hand; then Joab smote him with it and spilled his bowels upon the ground ». (2 Samuel 20:9-10) « There was, in the time of David, a famine which lasted three consecutive years. Jehovah, being questioned, answered: It is because of Saul and of his consanguineous house, because he hath put to death Gibeonites. Then, the king called the Gibeonites, to speak to them. Now, the Gibeonites were not children of Israel; but they were a remnant of the Amorites, and the Israelites had promised them to let them live; nevertheless, Saul had wished to destroy them in his zeal, believing he served the interests of Israel and of Judah. David said therefore unto the Gibeonites: What shall I do for you? how shall I appease you, that ye may bless the inheritance of the Lord? They answered him: We will have neither gold nor silver; but, since Saul hath destroyed us and hath so machinated against us that we have been exterminated without being able to subsist in Israel, let there be delivered to us seven men of his descendants, and we will hang them in the name of the Eternal, upon the hill of Gibeah; for Saul was of Gibeah, and he was the elect of the Lord. David said unto them: Well, I will deliver them to you. However, the king delivered not to them Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan, who had been his intimate friend; but he took Armoni and another Mephibosheth, who were sons of Rizpah, concubine of Saul, and the five sons whom Michal, daughter of Saul, had borne to her husband Adriel the Meholathite. And he delivered them to the Gibeonites, who hanged them upon their mountain before the Eternal; and they were hanged all together at the beginning of the barley harvest. » (2 Samuel 21:1-9) This passage of the Bible has always embarrassed the theologians; for it is nowhere said, in the history of Saul, that this king did the least wrong to the Gibeonites, and quite on the contrary Samuel constantly reproached him, in the name of God, with his sentiments of generosity on several occasions; one has not forgotten that the prophet declared him deposed because he did not exterminate the non-Israelite peoples who lived in that region, such as the Amalekites, the Amorites, the Idumeans, etc. Moreover, since Saul was himself of Gibeah, it is quite natural that he should have favoured his compatriots; had he massacred those inhabitants of Gibeah who were not Jews, Samuel would not have failed to mention this misdeed in that one of his two books which he devotes to Saul. This massacre, which is related here unexpectedly, after the event, produces the effect of a lying pretext, imagined by David to rid himself of the last descendants of his predecessor. The episode is so little truthful that the author commits a confusion in it: it was Merab, his elder daughter, and not Michal, whom Saul married to Adriel the Meholathite (1 Samuel 18:19); as for Michal, when David was unfaithful to her by marrying Abigail and Ahinoam, Saul gave her to Phalti, son of Laish (1 Samuel 25:44), and we have seen David take her back from Phalti (2 Samuel 3:14-16). It is possible that the sacred author meant to speak here of Michal and of the sons she might have had by a husband other than David; but it is difficult to admit that a writer, inspired by God, should have lacked memory to the point of confounding the sieur Phalti with the sieur Adriel the Meholathite, husband of Merab. As for the famine which desolated the country for three years, in the time of king David, nothing was so common in that country as a famine. The holy books speak very often of famine; when Abraham came into Palestine, he found famine there. And we shall see many other famines in that sad country, where at all times there were more stones than vegetation. One is, moreover, much surprised to learn that God himself told David that this famine was sent on account of Saul, who had died so long before, and because Saul had had evil intentions against a people which was not the people of God. If this episode were true, one would have to say, with all the critics, that, of the numerous crimes of David, this one is the most execrable. One finds in it the excuse of no passionate aberration. It is an infamy to have had hanged, under an infamous pretext, two illegitimate sons of Saul, who were not and could not be competitors; and, since he had taken Michal back several years earlier, Michal by whom he had rather to have his numerous adulteries pardoned, David acted with an ignoble cruelty in delivering up to the Gibeonites, to be put to torture, the children whom his wife had had by another, at the time when he abandoned her for Abigail and Ahinoam. To the infamy is joined the absurdity: in fact, he delivers up these seven innocents to a very small people which cannot have been at all to be feared, since at that time David is supposed to be the conqueror of all his enemies. There is in this action, say the critics (lord Bolingbroke, Huet, Fréret, Voltaire), not only a barbarity which would horrify savages, but a cowardice of which the vilest of all men would not be capable. To this cowardice and this cruelty, David adds perjury as well; for he had sworn to Saul never to take the life of any one whatever of his descendants. If, to excuse this perjury, the theologians come and tell us that he did not himself hang the sons of Rizpah and of Michal, but that he gave them to the Gibeonites to hang them, this excuse is as cowardly as the conduct of David himself and increases his villainy still further. Whichever way one turns, one finds, in all this holy history of the cherished anointed of God, nothing but the assemblage of all crimes, of all perfidies, of all infamies, in the midst of all contradictions. Chapter 21 ends with the narration of the defeat of four Philistine giants, one of whom was « a man not only extraordinary by his stature, but also because he had twenty-four fingers, six fingers on each hand and on each foot. » (v. 20) Chapter 22 contains a canticle of David. Another canticle in the following chapter; this one cites for us a few valiant feats of divers companions of the king. « Benaiah, son of Jehoiada, a very courageous man of Kabzeel, distinguished himself by great exploits. He killed two of the most powerful warriors of Moab. He killed also an Egyptian, who was a very handsome man and who had a formidable halberd; Benaiah came against him with a staff, wherewith he gave him a blow upon the hand; thus the Egyptian giant let go his halberd, which the captain of David took very adroitly and wherewith he ran him through. Another day, in a time of snow, Benaiah saw an enormous lion which was rolling in the snow, and Benaiah had no fear; the lion, in his ball of snow, fell to the bottom of a pit; then, Benaiah went down into the pit and killed the lion. Behold what Benaiah did, captain of David, and he was illustrious among the most valiant. » (2 Samuel 23:20-22) It is regrettable that the sacred author neglected to say in what region took place this truly droll adventure of the lion getting entangled in a ball of snow; snow is so rare in the countries where lions live that Benaiah was right not to lose time in slaying the beast; without that, he would have run the risk of seeing that providential snow soon melted! Desiring to know the number of his subjects, David, inspired by God, said to himself one day: Let us make the numbering of Israel and Judah. This operation, as long as it was unamusing, was not finished until the end of nine months and twenty days (2 Samuel 24:8). 256. The numbering of the people. « Joab gave the census of the people to the king, and it was found that the tribes of Israel counted in their bosom eight hundred thousand robust men drawing the sword, and that Judah counted five hundred thousand combatants. » (v. 9) The numbering was no sooner finished than David understood that in having it carried out he had committed a great sin. The Bible does not say in what the fact of this statistic was an act of a nature to provoke the wrath of Jehovah; but it nevertheless shows us Papa Good God very irritated. « Jehovah sent therefore unto the king the prophet Gad, who was the diviner, the seer of David. Gad said unto the king on behalf of the Eternal: I bring three things against thee; choose one of the three, that I may do it unto thee. What wilt thou that befall thee? or seven years of famine upon thy country? or that thou flee during three whole months before thy victorious enemies? or three days of pestilence in thy kingdom? Reflect well, and see what thou wilt that I answer to God who hath sent me. » (2 Samuel 24:11-13) This first part necessitates some important observations. First, the text itself says expressly that it is God who « having his anger kindled against Israel, incited David to make this numbering » (v. 1); now, God afterwards grows more irritated and determines that there is cause to unleash a scourge, to punish what he has had done. Here then is God represented, once more, by Holy Scripture, as an enemy of the human race and taking pleasure in making men fall into his traps. Secondly, the Lord himself ordered three numberings in the Pentateuch. Thirdly, nothing is more useful and more wise, as nothing is more difficult, than to make the exact census of a nation; and not only is this operation of David prudent, but it is holy, since in it he obeys the inspiration of God. Fourthly, all the critics cry out at the exaggeration, the imposture, the absurdity of allowing David a million three hundred thousand soldiers in so small a country: which would make, counting only a fifth of the people as soldiers, six millions five hundred thousand inhabitants, without counting the Canaanites and the Philistines, who had quite recently given David four battles, and who were spread throughout all Palestine. Fifthly, the book of Chronicles, which also canonically forms part of the Bible, and which very often contradicts the other works of the same divine inspiration, counts fifteen hundred and seventy thousand soldiers; which would amount to a far more prodigious and far more incredible number still. Sixthly, the critics think that there is a puerile affectation, grotesque, unworthy of the majesty of God, in sending the prophet Gad to the prophet David to give him the choice of one of the three scourges for seven years, or for three months, or for three days; they find in this celestial cruelty a derision, and I know not what character of an oriental tale which ought not to be in a book where God is made to act and speak on every page. Let us see now what was the king’s choice. « David answered Gad: I am in a great perplexity; but it is better to fall, by the plague, into the hands of God, who is merciful, than into the hands of men. Immediately God sent the plague into Israel; and in three days, from Dan unto Beersheba, there died seventy thousand males. Now, as the angel of death was stretching out yet his hand upon Jerusalem to ravage that city, the Lord repented of having sent the scourge, and he said unto the angel who was destroying the people: Come, it is enough now, withdraw thy hand. 257. The plague in Israel. The angel of the Lord was then above the barn of Araunah, the Jebusite. But David, on his side, seeing that the angel still smote, implored the Eternal in these terms: It is I who have sinned, Lord; as for these sheep, what have they done? I pray thee therefore to lay thy hand heavy upon me and upon the family of my father. Then Gad came unto David and said unto him: Go quickly into the barn of Araunah, and set up there an altar unto the Eternal. » (2 Samuel 24:14-18) David obeyed; Araunah furnished all that was needed for a sacrifice. « And the king built there an altar, offered holocausts thereon, and it is thus that the anger of Jehovah was appeased and that the plague ceased to destroy Israel. » (v. 25) 258. David obtains the pardon of God. Let us pass to the remarks of the sceptical commentators. A plague which exterminates in three days seventy thousand males (viros, in the Vulgate) must have killed also seventy thousand females. It appears frightful to the critics that God should kill a hundred and forty thousand persons of his cherished people, to which he communicates himself every day, with which he lives familiarly; and this because David obeyed God himself and did the wisest thing in the world. Moreover, Fréret, among others, thinks that the sacred author visibly imitates Homer, when the Lord stays the hand of the exterminating angel: according to him, it is very probable that the author, whom he believes to be Ezra, had heard speak of the illustrious Greek poet; in fact, Homer, in his first canto of the Iliad, paints Apollo descending from the summits of Olympus, armed with his quiver, and launching his arrows upon the Greeks, against whom he was irritated. It is upon this episode of the plague that the IInd book of Samuel ends. The Old Testament continues with the book of Kings. In the original Hebrew text, there is only a single book so named; but this book has been divided into two by the Greek version of the Septuagint and by the Latin translation of the Vulgate, and this division, although arbitrary, is commonly adopted by modern editions of the Bible. There are even editions which give four books of Kings, comprising under this title the two books of Samuel of the Hebrew text. For convenience of reference, we shall adopt the Greek and Latin division. The narrative of the book (or of the two books) of Kings begins at the last days of David and extends as far as the middle of the captivity of Babylon. Talmudic tradition attributes the drafting of this work to the prophet Jeremiah; and this opinion, admitted by most of the rabbis and of the ancient Christian theologians, has lately been defended by Hävernick. Other exegetes, notably Bleek, will have it that it was Baruch, disciple of Jeremiah, who wrote this book. We shall not delay to examine who is right in this debate. For the Jews, as for the Christians, it is always God who dictated the narrations; it is therefore at this point of view that we shall continue to place ourselves, gleaning the divine pearls and bringing out all that rightly falls under the criticism of sound reason. « Now, king David had grown old, having many days and, although he covered himself with a great number of garments, one upon another, he could not succeed in warming himself. Then, his officers said among themselves: Let us go and seek a young girl for the lord our king, that she may stand at his feet in his bed and that she may caress him; and even our king shall doubtless be able to warm himself, if she sleep beside him. There was sought therefore in all the regions of Israel a girl who should be very beautiful, with very hot blood. It is thus that Abishag was found, of Shunem, and she was brought unto the king. This young girl was very beautiful: she lay with the king, and she caressed him; nevertheless, David went not in unto her. » (1 Kings 1:1-4) This maiden-eiderdown is a real find, which does honour to the imagination of the pigeon-duck. The Benedictine dom Calmet, who swallows all the most marvellous humbuggeries of the Bible, gravely observes that a very beautiful young girl is very fit to revive a man of seventy; that was then the age of David. In support of the sacred narrative, the learned religious relates that a Jewish physician advised the emperor Frederick Barbarossa to sleep with young boys and to place them upon his breast. But, as one cannot hold a young boy upon one’s breast all night, dom Calmet adds that little dogs have been employed for the same use. As regards the opinion put forward by the biblical narrator, namely that David confined himself to warming himself against the young Shunammite Abishag, one may suppose that Solomon hardly shared this view; in fact, we shall see further on that he had his elder brother Adonijah assassinated, guilty of having asked for Abishag in marriage, as though he had wished to marry the widow or the concubine of his father. 259. Abishag serves as an eiderdown to the king. Adonijah had for mother Haggith, married by David prior to Bathsheba, by whom he had Solomon. Since the death of Absalom the Hairy, Adonijah was the eldest of the royal children, and he considered that the crown belonged to him by full right; but there was, on the other hand, a court intrigue to make Solomon reign. Without waiting for the death of their father, the two princes made no scruple of publicly coveting the throne. 255. Adonijah and Solomon dispute the crown. « Adonijah said: It shall be I who shall reign. He had in his party Joab, general-in-chief of the armies, and Abiathar, the high priest. But another sacrificer, Zadok, as well as Benaiah, and the prophet Nathan, and Shimei, and other valiant men were not for Adonijah. This prince gave a great feast to all his brothers and to the chief men of Judah; however, he invited neither his brother Solomon, nor the prophet Nathan, nor Benaiah. Then, Nathan said unto Bathsheba, mother of Solomon: Hast thou not heard it said that Adonijah hath already made himself king, without our lord David knowing it? Go therefore and present thyself to the king, and ask him wherefore Adonijah hath caused himself to be proclaimed, and tell him that he promised thee that thy son should be he who should succeed him. And I, I will come in whilst thou art speaking to the king, and I will confirm to him all that thou shalt have said. » (1 Kings 1:5-14) Given that the sacred writer does not say that Adonijah had proclaimed himself king, but only that he hoped the crown would come to him and that he had his partisans, just as Solomon had his own, here then is established by the Bible itself that the prophet Nathan was an arch-liar, a vile intriguer; he organizes with Bathsheba, the immodest widow of the assassinated Uriah, a cabal to snatch the crown from the elder, and he employs, he, the holy man, calumny in order to succeed. The order of succession was perhaps not yet well fixed among the Jews; but it was natural that Adonijah, in his quality of eldest, should succeed his father, all the more as he was not born of an adulterous woman, like Solomon. His right was recognized by the two principal heads of the kingdom, the generalissimo and the high priest. It is therefore by favour of a cabal, having recourse to lies, that Solomon was designated by the old king. David believed the calumnious denunciation of Bathsheba and of Nathan. « And king David said: Cause to come to me the sacrificer Zadok and the captain Benaiah; let the prophet Nathan join himself to them; take with you the officers of my guard; set my son Solomon upon my mule, and conduct him to Gihon. There, Zadok and Nathan shall anoint him king over Israel; then, ye shall sound the trumpet, and ye shall all cry: Long live king Solomon! » (1 Kings 1:32-34) At last, the hour of David’s death was near. Here is what this king, before expiring, said, among other things, to that son of the adulteress Bathsheba whom he had solemnly had anointed during his lifetime: « Thou knowest what Joab did formerly, who put blood about his loins and in the shoes which he had upon his feet. Thou shalt not permit that his white hairs go down in peace to the tomb; I count upon thy wisdom. » (1 Kings 2:5-6) 260. Solomon takes possession of the paternal inheritance. « But behold yet: Thou hast, among thy partisans, Shimei, of Bahurim, who pronounced against me atrocious maledictions and cast stones at me, the day when I was fleeing to Mahanaim, but, when I returned from the Jordan, he implored my pardon, and, before all the people, I swore to him by the Eternal that I would not cause him to perish by the sword. But, now, thou, thou shalt not leave him unpunished, and thou art wise, to know what thou shalt have to do to him; thou shalt therefore bring down, by a bloody death, his white hairs into the sepulchre. » (1 Kings 2:8-9) « Thus David slept with his fathers, and he was buried in the city of David. And the time that he reigned over Israel was forty years: seven years at Hebron, and thirty-three years at Jerusalem. » (v. 10-11) David dies as he lived, says Huet. He has the horrible ingratitude, this man after God’s own heart, to order the assassination of his commander-in-chief, Joab, the most faithful of his captains, the one to whom he owed his crown. Upon his deathbed, he perjures himself, with a repugnant cynicism mingled with hypocrisy, with regard to Shimei, whom he affected to pardon in order to make himself a reputation for generosity, and to whom he swore never to attempt his life. In two words, he is an assassin and perfidious even upon the edge of the tomb. As for the Benedictine Dom Calmet, he does not fail to justify David, and he does it in these terms, which deserve to be framed: « David had received great services from Joab, and the impunity which he had accorded him for so long was a kind of recompense for his unshakable devotion; but this consideration did not dispense David from the obligation of punishing crime, and of exercising justice against Joab. » It is evident that Joab had committed, notably, a great crime when he executed David’s order to place Uriah at the most dangerous post in a combat and to abandon him there. The Church absolves David, but does not absolve Joab!... « On the other hand, adds the Rev. Fr. Calmet, the reasons of gratitude did not subsist as regards Solomon: and this prince had a particular motive for putting Joab to death, since the latter, in order to exclude him, had conspired to give the kingdom to Adonijah. » Conclusion: David is a saint, and Solomon is a sage. Amen! It is therefore admirable that the Christian Church should have insisted upon making Jesus Christ descend from David and from Solomon. We have already seen some strange personages in the genealogy of the Messiah, but are not these two kings stranger than all the other ancestors? If only the Church pleaded extenuating circumstances!... But not at all: it passes the sponge over all the crimes of David and makes of him the most honourable of ancestors. He is the model of kings, and, as such, he receives the unanimous praises of the theologians. He is proclaimed a saint among the most holy. The popes have his inept rhapsodies sung in the ceremonies of worship. Better still, the Church, — it has often declared it in its councils, — sees in David the human image of Jesus, that is to say of God the Son, of the second person of the divine Trinity! CHAPTER 13 Glorious reign of H. M. Solomon « Solomon took therefore possession of the throne of David his father, and immediately he established his power. » (1 Kings 2:12) 261. Solomon on the paternal throne. One may well think, given biblical morals, that the new king was not going to be slow in ridding himself of Adonijah and of the two principal chiefs of Israel, who would have wished to see the crown fall to the son of Haggith. Adonijah thought no more of the throne, he had gone into mourning for it (‘he had gone into mourning for it’ — fr. ‘il en avait fait son deuil’, he had resigned himself to its loss): all that he desired of David’s inheritance was the young maiden who had served the old king for an eiderdown; for he was in love with Abishag. As sole compensation for the kingdom he had lost, he the elder-born, through the intriguing and the cabals of Bathsheba and of Nathan, he asked for the pretty servant-girl who had warmed his father in his last days. This love, which was of no consequence whatever, served Solomon as a pretext for having Adonijah assassinated, although the latter showed himself very humble and bowed before the accomplished fact. Adonijah, who doubtless spent his nights dreaming of Abishag, so little expected to be slain, was so simple and so artless, that it was to Bathsheba herself that he applied in order to obtain this girl. « Then, Adonijah, son of Haggith, came unto Bathsheba, mother of Solomon. And she said unto him: Comest thou with good intentions? He answered: I come with good intentions. And he added: I have a word to say to thee. She said unto him: Speak. Adonijah expressed himself thus: Thou knowest well that the crown belonged to me, as to the eldest, and that all Israel expected to see me reign; but the crown hath been transferred to the head of my brother. Let him then be the king, since he hath been anointed and since the Eternal hath established him. I ask of thee but one favour: I pray thee to go and see the king thy son, who will refuse thee nothing, and to ask Solomon that he give me Abishag the Shunammite; for I desire to make her my wife. Bathsheba answered him: I consent willingly; I will speak for thee to the king. Thus Bathsheba betook herself unto Solomon, who rose as soon as she entered, prostrated himself before her, then caused her to sit at his right hand. And Bathsheba said unto the king: I have a small request to make to thee; refuse it me not. Solomon answered her: Make thy request, my mother, and be certain that thou shalt have no refusal from me. Then, Bathsheba said: My desire is that thou give Abishag for wife to thy brother Adonijah. On hearing these words, Solomon cried out: Wherefore askest thou me the Shunammite for Adonijah? Ask me also the kingdom for him, urging upon me that he is my elder brother! ask the power for him, for the high priest Abiathar and for Joab! Well, I swear it by the Eternal; may God treat me with all his rigour, if Adonijah, in charging thee to bear me these words, hath not spoken against his own life! As truly as Jehovah is the living God, Adonijah shall be put to death this very day. 262. Adonijah’s very near end. And, king Solomon having charged Benaiah to kill Adonijah, the captain Benaiah acquitted himself at once of his mission, and Adonijah was killed. » (1 Kings 2:13-25) 263. An unexpected catastrophe. Next it was Abiathar’s turn; but this one was not assassinated. Solomon, who knew how superstitious the people were, did not wish to shed the blood of a high-priest; it would have been difficult for him to say that it was God who had inspired him with that murder. « Then, the king said unto the high priest Abiathar: Withdraw thee into thy property at Anathoth, whither I exile thee, although thou deservest death; but, because thou hast borne the ark of God before David my father, I will not put thee to death to-day. Thus, Solomon drove out Abiathar, that he might no more be sacrificer of the Eternal. » (v. 26-27) 264. Solomon drives out Abiathar. For Joab, no pity. « These news having reached Joab, he took refuge in the tabernacle of Jehovah; and he stood there, embracing in his arms the columns of the altar. That was reported to the king, and Solomon sent Benaiah, saying unto him: Go, and kill Joab. Benaiah entered therefore into the tabernacle and said unto Joab: Come forth from here, I come to kill thee. — I shall die here, then, answered Joab; for I will not come forth from the asylum of God. Benaiah, embarrassed, returned unto Solomon and rendered him account of the refusal of Joab to come forth from the tabernacle. And the king said unto Benaiah: Do as I have ordered thee; kill him and bury him afterwards; and in this fashion I shall not be responsible, neither I, nor my family, for the innocent blood which Joab hath shed. The blood of the people whom he hath killed shall fall thus upon his head and upon his posterity, and the Lord shall give an eternal peace to David, to his seed, to his house and to his throne. Benaiah, then, threw himself upon Joab in the tabernacle and killed him; after which, he buried him in the desert. » (1 Kings 2:28-34) If one can add, observes Voltaire, a fresh crime to the villainies with which Solomon begins his reign, he adds to them a sacrilege. If there is anything strange after so many horrors, it is that God, who caused fifty thousand and seventy men to perish for having looked into his ark, takes no vengeance for that sacred chest, upon which was cut the throat of the greatest captain of the Jews, to whom David owed his crown. Let us continue. « Then the king established Benaiah at the head of the army, in replacement of Joab, and he constituted high-priest the sacrificer Zadok, in replacement of Abiathar. » (1 Kings 2:35) « The king sent also unto Shimei and caused him to be told: Build thee a house at Jerusalem, and dwell therein, without ever going forth from the city; if thou goest forth thereof, if thou crossest the torrent of Kidron, I will have thee killed without remission. Shimei answered: This order is very just. Thus he dwelt at Jerusalem. But it came to pass, at the end of three years, that two servants of Shimei fled away to the king of Gath. Shimei straightway girt his ass and set out for Gath, in order to recover his property; and he brought back afterwards to Jerusalem those unfaithful servants (1 Kings 2:36-40)... And Solomon, having known the thing, commanded Benaiah to go and kill Shimei; thus Shimei died. And the kingdom was made firm in the hands of Solomon. » (v. 46) The book of Kings next informs us that Solomon allied himself with the king of Egypt and that the latter gave him his daughter in marriage. Naturally, the Bible keeps silent as to the name of the Egyptian monarch, or, to speak more exactly, it designates him, as always, under the name of Pharaoh, which is not a name, but the general title of the kings of Egypt. The wedding took place at Jerusalem. In those days, Solomon was building himself a palace, was beginning the erection of the temple, and was surrounding his capital with walls. While waiting for the temple to be finished, the king went to perform his devotions at Gibeon, where the most important sanctuary of the kingdom was to be found. It was there that Jehovah granted him wisdom, in a dream. 265. Solomon’s marriage. The episode is curious enough. « The Eternal appeared unto Solomon, at Gibeon, in a dream by night; and God said unto him: Ask of me what thou wilt that I give thee. And Solomon, who was sleeping, answered: Thou hast had a great benevolence for thy servant David my father, because he walked in the ways of truth, of justice, and because he had a heart full of uprightness; wherefore thou hast given him a son who sitteth upon his throne to-day. And now, O Eternal, my God, now that thou hast made me to succeed David, I am but a little boy, incapable of discerning how one ought to conduct oneself; and I am at the head of a great people, so numerous by its multitude, that it cannot be counted. Give me therefore an intelligent heart to judge thy people and to discern that which is good and that which is evil. Now, the Eternal was agreeably touched by that which Solomon had answered him in his sleep, and he said unto him again: Because thou hast just spoken to me thus, and because thou hast asked me neither a long life, nor riches, nor to kill thine enemies, but because thou hast asked me intelligence and equity, well, I grant thee according to thy words: I give thee a wise and intelligent heart, so that never man, neither before thee nor after thee, shall have been nor shall be like unto thee; moreover, I give thee that which thou hast not asked me, riches and glory, and no king shall equal thee in glory and in riches; furthermore, if thou walk in my ways, observing my commandments, as David thy father walked therein, I will prolong thy life very long. Then, Solomon awoke, and behold most veritably what his dream had been. » (1 Kings 3:5-15) 266. Jehovah grants wisdom to the son of David. The official text, which the Church declares authentic, leaves no doubt: it is indeed a matter of a dream. God, who did not wait for Abraham, Jacob and the others to be asleep in order to appear to them, manifests himself to Solomon only in a dream. So be it. Then, how did anyone come to know of it? It was therefore Solomon who related his dream to some other Jew? From one to another, this account of a dream reached the author of the book of Kings, who lived in the time of the captivity of Babylon?... Odd, is it not? The theologians will tell us, — it is one of their favourite theses, — that the apparition of God in a dream is none the less a divine manifestation; the Church admits divine dreams and diabolical dreams; a man’s dream may be, the priests affirm, the result of a supernatural action, in certain cases, and by no means the effect of chance. Very well, let us accept this thesis for a moment. God really did manifest himself to Solomon; but that does not prevent Solomon from having been asleep and, consequently, unconscious of everything he might say or do in his dream. If the pope himself were to dream, one night, that he is a palladist (‘palladist’ — fr. ‘palladiste’, a worshipper in the alleged Satanic cult of Palladism, an imposture invented by Leo Taxil himself and much talked of at the time) and that he is running the consecrated hosts through with great dagger-thrusts, not one of his cardinals would dream of making a crime of it for him. If Solomon, in his dream, had chosen glory and riches, that would not have been of the slightest consequence; nothing is more evident. One would understand it if God, after having put questions to him, had left him time to wake up, and if then Solomon, impressed by the dream and seeing in it a manoeuvre of celestial strategy, had deliberated, consulting his conscience, as to what he had to answer; his answer as a waking man, choosing wisdom and disdaining the rest, would have had some merit. Since he was dreaming, his answer therefore does not count; and yet the priceless Jehovah was charmed by it. There is what is odder than all the rest! Thus endowed with wisdom, asked for and received in a dream, Solomon was not to be long in astonishing the Israelites by an admirable justice, guided by the most marvellous intelligence. Everybody knows his judgment of the two mothers; the only fact, moreover, that the Bible cites as proof of this extraordinary wisdom. Two women had been brought to bed, three days apart, in the same chamber of an inn; one of the children is dead; one of the mothers accuses the other of having, during the night, taken from her her son, who is living, and of having replaced him at her side with the corpse of her own child, smothered by mischance. This embarrassing case is submitted to the king, on his return to Jerusalem. The mother, accused of substitution, defends herself by crying out that it is a lie, and swears that the living child, brought by her to the tribunal, is indeed her own; the other swears, with the same ardour, that she has told the truth and claims the child. Then Solomon has a sword brought and orders that the child be divided in two and that a half of it be given to each of the two mothers. A cry of compassion from the true mother, who, not wishing to see her baby killed, now demands that it be left to her who took it from her; the other, on the contrary, betrays herself by these words: The king has judged well; the child shall be neither thine nor mine, let it be divided! Now, Solomon’s order was, in his mind, only a test. He therefore pronounces the definitive judgment, restoring the living child to its true mother (1 Kings 3:16-28). 267. Famous judgment of Solomon. All the faithful go into raptures when, in the course of a sermon, the preacher cites this anecdote. Without having any need to resort to the terrible test of dividing the child in two, Solomon would have had only to call in the first midwife who came along, who would have, without the least difficulty, pointed out which was the child born the day before and which was the one whose birth already went back four days. But let us not quibble, and let us salute the wisdom of the son of David. We shall only say that anecdotes of this kind can be shovelled up by the spadeful, and that there have always been, in every age and in every country, magistrates shrewd beneath an appearance of good-natured simplicity, and even mere village justices, who could have given Solomon points (‘given Solomon points’ — fr. ‘rendre des points à quelqu’un’, from games of skill where the stronger player grants a handicap: to be considerably the better man). Let us confine ourselves to citing two traits, at the very least as diverting as that of the division of the child in two; the judges in question had not, however, received from Jehovah the gift of wisdom in a dream! A man had climbed to the very top of the steeple of a church in order to mend something there. He had the misfortune to fall down; but, at the same time, he was fortunate enough to do himself no harm whatever. On the other hand, his fall was fatal to a man whom he crushed in falling. The relatives of the crushed man, killed on the spot, summoned before the bailiff the man who had fallen from the steeple; they accused him of murder and claimed to have him condemned, if not to death, at least to formidable damages. The case was pleaded; some satisfaction had to be granted to the relatives of the dead man. On the other hand, the bailiff did not believe he ought, in conscience, to punish in any fashion whatever a homicide not only involuntary, but which had moreover been solely the unlooked-for result of a most unfortunate accident. Our bailiff, so the story goes, ordered that one of the deceased’s relatives who was the most bitter in this prosecution, who cried out the loudest for vengeance, to climb in his turn to the top of the steeple and to let himself drop from there upon the defendant, the involuntary homicide, who would be obliged to place himself precisely at the same spot where the deceased had lost his life. Needless to say that the snarling litigant withdrew, then and there, his absurd prosecution. The second trait to be reproduced here as a curiosity is that of a pagan magistrate. A young Greek, smitten with love for the courtesan Theognis, had proposed to offer her a large sum, in order to have her for his mistress. Now, while he was busying himself with gathering together the money of his offering, he dreamed one night that he possessed Theognis and enjoyed her charms; but, on waking, he found himself ridiculous for having come near to running into debt for the fair one, and the result of his reflections was the complete cooling of his passion. As he related to his friends his project, his dream and his renunciation of becoming Theognis’s lover, the courtesan, vexed that he refused to follow up his promise, had him called before the judge, demanding to be paid: she had a right, she said, to the sum which the young man had proposed to offer her, since she had at one and the same time cured his passion and satisfied his desire. The judge, without being a Solomon, delivered a decree before whose wisdom our tonsured gentlemen can only bow: he ordered, this pagan whom Jehovah nevertheless did not enlighten with his lights, he ordered... that the young Greek should bring the promised sum in a purse, that he should throw it into a basin, and that the courtesan should pay herself with the sound and the colour of the gold pieces, even as her former lover had enjoyed an imaginary pleasure. Let us wager that, if the Holy Ghost, who is fond of spicy little tales, had thought of that one, he would have made it figure in the Bible, putting it to the credit of Solomon’s wisdom! After the anecdote of the judgment of the two mothers, the book of Kings passes on to the enumeration of Solomon’s principal officers; the reader will not bear us a grudge for sparing him this tedious nomenclature: on the other hand, there are some pretty things in the account, which comes next, of the glory and the riches of the son of David. « Judah and Israel were as the sand which is upon the shore of the sea, so great was their number; and they were happy, eating and drinking with abundance, and they rejoiced. In that time, Solomon had under his dominion all the kingdoms from the Euphrates unto the Philistines and unto the frontier of Egypt, and the kings of those countries brought him tributes, for they were made subject to him all the time of his life. » (1 Kings 4:20-21) Here the Holy Ghost’s joke is a little too strong, seeing that we are no longer in those extremely remote epochs about which historians have no data whatever: now, who ever heard it said that Jews reigned from the Euphrates to the Mediterranean? It is true that brigandage won them a little country in the midst of the rocks and the caverns of Palestine, from the desert of Beer-sheba as far as Dan; but it is nowhere established that Solomon conquered by war, or acquired in any manner whatsoever, so much as one league of ground. It is, on the contrary, the king of Egypt who possessed great domains in Palestine; several Canaanite cantons did not obey Solomon: where then is this pretended power? « And there was for the table of Solomon, every day, thirty muids of fine flour and sixty muids of common flour, ten great fatted oxen and twenty oxen brought from the pastures, a hundred sheep, and a great quantity of stags, of roebucks, of buffaloes and of fowl of every kind. » (v. 22-23) My word! what a Gargantua! (‘My word!’ — fr. ‘Mazette!’, an old exclamation of astonishment; Gargantua is the giant of Rabelais, proverbial for his monstrous appetite)... The officers whom Solomon deigned to invite to his table ran no risk of dying of hunger with such a bill of fare!... Some theologians, embarrassed by these manifest exaggerations (ninety muids of flour (‘muids’ — fr. ‘muid’, an old French measure of capacity, about 270 litres) and thirty oxen a day, without counting the rest!), have insinuated that Solomon, imitating the kings of Babylon, fed his officers, and that this is understood in the sacred text. The misfortune is that a Jewish king was, beside a king of Babylon, something like the king of Yvetot compared with the king of France (‘the king of Yvetot’ — fr. ‘le roi d’Yvetot’, proverbial for the lord of a tiny domain who gave himself the title of king). « Solomon had also forty thousand stables for the horses of his chariots, and twelve thousand saddle-horses. » (v. 26) These forty thousand stables are worth still more than the ninety muids of flour! It is true that Dom Calmet says that one must translate mares, and not stables. Let us not contradict him for so small a matter: agreed then for Solomon’s forty thousand mares!... « And the wisdom of Solomon surpassed the wisdom of all the Orientals and of all the Egyptians; he was wiser than all men, wiser even than Ethan the Ezrahite, and than Heman, and than Chalcol, and than Darda. Moreover, it is well to know that he composed three thousand parables and a thousand and five canticles. » (v. 30-32) Of course, nobody has ever been able to say who this Ethan, this Heman, this Chalcol and this Darda were, set so unexpectedly in comparison with Solomon and cited by the sacred author, with imperturbable assurance, as though it were a question of illustrious personages, renowned throughout the whole world for their unrivalled wisdom. This mania for citing celebrated unknowns, which manifests itself from time to time in Holy Writ, is one of the most characteristic marks of that spirit of humbug carried to excess which appears, to the impartial observer, to be the true inspirer of the Bible. As for the three thousand parables and the thousand and five canticles, there remain a few of them which are attributed to this Solomon. Would to God, says Voltaire, that this king had always composed Hebrew odes, instead of assassinating his brother! We come to the famous temple of Jerusalem, which Solomon took seven years to build (1 Kings 6:38); this great affair takes up four chapters of the first book of Kings. We shall rapidly pass in review what is essential. « Hiram, king of Tyre, sent his servants unto Solomon, having learned that he had been anointed king as successor of David his father. And Solomon sent also unto Hiram to say unto him: I have formed the project of building a house to my God, Adonai; wherefore, command therefore thy servants that they cut for me cedars of Lebanon; for thou knowest that I have not a single man among my people who knoweth the art of cutting wood like the Sidonians... Hiram gave therefore to Solomon cedar wood and fir wood, as much as he would; and Solomon gave to Hiram, for the food of his house, twenty thousand measures of wheat by the year, and twenty thousand measures of very pure oil each year... King Solomon chose in Israel thirty thousand workmen, who went in turn to Lebanon by ten thousand together, whilst the others rested; and Adoniram was at the head of these workmen. Solomon had also seventy thousand labourers and porters, fourscore thousand hewers of stone, and three thousand three hundred overseers of the works... And the masons of Solomon, with those of Hiram, hewed and prepared the wood and the stones to build the temple. » (ch. 5) « Now, that house, which king Solomon built unto Jehovah, had sixty cubits of length, twenty of breadth and thirty of height (the Jewish cubit being equivalent to 52 centimetres, like the cubit of Egypt, the monument had therefore, according to the biblical text, 31 metres in length, 10 and a half in breadth, and 15 and a half in height)... The king caused to be made in the temple windows at the side, broad within and narrow without; and he made upon the wall of the temple scaffolds all around; the scaffolding below had five cubits of breadth, that of the middle had six cubits of breadth, and the breadth of the third scaffolding, that of the top, was of seven cubits; and he placed beams all around, in order that they should not touch the wall; finally, there was constructed, above all the house, an upper storey, which had five cubits of height... He placed also the oracle within the temple, toward the far end, to put therein the coffer of the covenant of the Eternal; the oracle had twenty cubits of length, twenty of breadth, and twenty of height... He made, in the oracle, two cherubim of olive wood, which had each ten cubits of height; one wing of a cherub had five cubits of length, and the other wing had also five cubits. » (ch. 6) 268. Solomon builds a temple to Jehovah. « Solomon caused his palace to be constructed also, the edification whereof lasted thirteen years... he had caused to come from Tyre one named Hiram, son of a widow woman, of the tribe of Naphtali, and whose father was a Tyrian, who worked in copper; that man was very expert, intelligent and learned to make all sorts of works of brass; he came unto Solomon and did him all his work... It is he who set up the pillars of brass, placed at the portico of the temple, that on the right which was named Jachin and that on the left which was named Boaz... He made also a great basin of cast metal, named the Sea of Brass, which had ten cubits from one brim to the other and which was all round; that basin was set upon the back of twelve oxen, which had their hinder parts turned inward... Thus, all the work that Solomon made for the house of Jehovah was finished. » (ch. 7) « When the temple was finished, the sacrificers bore the ark of the covenant into the oracle of the house, into the most holy place, under the wings of the cherubim; for the cherubim spread their wings above the ark and its bars of support... Then, the king and all Israel immolated victims in a number so great that it could not be counted, to celebrate the dedication of the temple unto Jehovah; and in the sacrifice which he made himself unto the Lord, Solomon slaughtered twenty-two thousand fat oxen and a hundred and twenty thousand sheep. Thus the king and all the children of Israel dedicated the house of the Eternal. » (ch. 8) 269. Solomon sacrifices in person. All the details given in these four chapters are of such an exaggeration that one asks oneself, in reading them, whether it was not the Garonne, rather than the Kidron, that flowed in those days at Jerusalem (‘the Garonne’ — a great river of France, whereas the Kidron is a mere brook). This divine description melts like snow in the sun, as soon as one proceeds to the slightest examination. One hundred and eighty-three thousand three hundred men are employed, without counting the masons and other workmen who are to come afterwards, upon the mere preparations for a temple which was to have only ten metres and a half of frontage, by thirty-one metres and a half of length! These builders, who are reckoned by thirty thousand, by seventy and by eighty thousand, take seven years to build a monument, only three modest storeys high, which occupies in all three hundred and twenty-five metres of surface! These figures make anyone leap who has the slightest acquaintance with architecture; there are needed, in fact, fifty workmen at the very most, to build in four or five months a fine house of that size. Solomon’s innumerable workmen were therefore tough idlers; or else, in spite of his immense riches, this king was perhaps of a sordid avarice, and these workmen, never managing to get themselves paid, loafed almost all the time, instead of working. Besides, the measurements which the book of Kings gives do not agree with those of the book of Chronicles, nor with those indicated by Ezekiel, and both the one and the other are in contradiction with the measurements reported by Flavius Josephus; the differences between these various Jewish authors would suffice, by themselves alone, to inspire mistrust, even if the official text were not of itself a burlesque piece of braggadocio. The authors agree no better upon the chronology of this fantastic temple. The book of Kings says it was built four hundred and eighty years after the flight from Egypt; Flavius Josephus, five hundred and ninety-two years; and, among modern theologians, one finds twenty different opinions. This question is of no importance whatever; but, in a sacred book, exactness would do no harm. Moreover, it is difficult not to hold one’s sides with laughter, when one sees the mention of those storeys scaffolded inside the edifice and projecting one over the other by a cubit, the lower storey being a metre less wide than the upper storey; that, for instance, is astounding. And the side windows, which were wide within and narrow without, there again is something not badly hit upon as comical architecture! With all that, it would be difficult to presume that the superintendent of Solomon’s buildings was a Michelangelo or a Bramante. The feast of the dedication of the temple worthily completes the account of the construction and the glimpses of this marvellous monument. It would not have done to make such sacrifices often; mastiff! (‘mastiff!’ — fr. ‘mâtin!’, an old familiar exclamation of surprise, literally the name of a big dog) one would soon have been reduced to famine! 270. Great feasts given to the people. Reckon for each fat ox four hundred pounds of meat, that makes eight million eight hundred thousand pounds of beef, plus twelve hundred thousand pounds of mutton, the whole grilled to pure waste in order to regale the divine sense of smell of Sabaoth! And these ten million pounds of meat represent the burnt-offering of Solomon! the Bible says expressly (1 Kings 8:5) that the children of Israel, who were assembled about their king, sacrificed, for their part, great and small cattle in so great a number that it could neither be numbered nor counted (sic); the twenty-two thousand oxen and the hundred and twenty thousand sheep, slaughtered by the monarch, figure separately, at verse 63. After all that, Papa Good God would have shown himself hard to please, if he had not been content!... That is why « the Eternal appeared unto Solomon for the second time, as he had appeared unto him at Gibeon » (1 Kings 9:2); this would lead one to believe that this divine manifestation again took place in a dream: but, as the son of David was satisfied with it and did not ask for a more palpable apparition, it would ill become us to find fault with it. The recompense therefore consisted in a little speech which Jehovah delivered to the king while he was asleep. This harangue may be summed up in these simple words: if thou and thy people continue to honour me, all will go well with you; but, if gods other than I receive thy homage and that of thy subjects, matters will not pass off like this, then look out! (A tune already very well known) 271. God rewards the great builder Solomon. « Now, Hiram, king of Tyre, continued to send unto Solomon all the wood of cedar and of fir, and all the gold whereof he had need. Then, Solomon gave one day to Hiram twenty cities in Galilee. Hiram went forth from Tyre to come and see these cities, and they pleased him not at all; and he said unto Solomon: My brother, these are poor cities that thou hast given me there. » (1 Kings 9:11-13) One hardly knows where the son of David could have got these twenty cities in order to make a present of them to his friend Hiram. Samaria did not exist, Jericho was nothing but a hovel; Shechem, Bethel had not been rebuilt; they were so only under Jeroboam. « King Solomon equipped also a fleet at Ezion-geber, which is near Eloth, upon the shore of the Red Sea, in the land of Idumea; and Hiram put good mariners of his fleet into the service of the king of Israel. And the fleet of Solomon, having gone to Ophir, brought back thence four hundred and twenty talents of gold for the treasury of the king. » (1 Kings 9:26-28) In order to make the faithful swallow that Solomon was the possessor of a fleet, it was necessary to designate at least one sea-port forming part of his kingdom. The author did not dare to place it on the shores of the Mediterranean; for all the ports of that region belonged then to the Phoenicians and to the Philistines and were too well known (Gaza, Ascalon, Joppa, Dor, Tyre and Sidon); in imagining the port of Ezion-geber, at the head of the gulf of Elath which is to the east of the peninsula of Sinai, in the Red Sea, the sacred humbug ran no risk that anyone should ever discover that this maritime city formed part of some other kingdom: but one has the right to say that Ezion-geber has, in geography, exactly the same value as the most illustrious sages Ethan, Heman, Chalcol and Darda (see above) have in history. 272. Naval power of the Jewish king: the fleet of Israel. As for the result of the expedition of the Solomonic fleet to Ophir, — a country which has, moreover, remained undiscoverable, in spite of the laborious researches of the best-intentioned historians and geographers, — it is of a piteous effect after all the splendours which we have just seen described in the preceding chapters. To have fitted out a fleet in order to receive from it on its return four hundred and twenty talents of gold, that is meagre, my prince! It is known that the talent of silver was equivalent on the average to 5,000 francs of our money, and that, in the monetary systems of antiquity, gold was worth twelve times and a half silver. What the royal fleet brought back from Ophir therefore represents twenty-six millions of to-day. What wretchedness for a gentleman who possessed forty thousand stables for the horses of his court and who indulged the pious whim of burning five million kilogrammes of meat in a single sacrifice! Deduct from these twenty-six millions the expenses of the expedition, which lasted two years, if the theologians are to be believed; the net profit is reduced to very little, and, frankly, it was not worth the trouble of citing as remarkable this fact of Solomon’s reign. My poor Holy Ghost, between ourselves, there are moments when thou art falling off, when thou art no longer up to the level of certain of thy jokes whose colossal audacity one sometimes relishes. To reassure our readers, let us say quickly that the divine pigeon made up for it further on, in the 2nd book of Chronicles, chapter 9, an important part of the Old Testament, as holy and as authentic as the rest. We learn there that « all the kings of the earth sent gold to Solomon in great quantities; the value of the gold which the king of Israel received each year was six hundred and sixty-six talents of gold (v. 13). The throne of Solomon was of ivory, overlaid with pure gold, and that throne had six steps of gold and a footstool of gold; there were also twelve lions of gold upon the six steps of the throne; and in no kingdom had there ever been made a throne so sumptuous (v. 17-19). And all the plate of the buffet of king Solomon was of gold; and all the plate of his summer palace, which was in a park in Lebanon, was of fine gold; there was none of silver; silver was not esteemed in the time of Solomon (v. 20) . And the king of Israel had also ships which went to Tarshish and which returned thence once every three years, bringing back to Solomon gold, silver, ivory, peacocks and apes. Thus, king Solomon was greater than all the kings of the earth, as much in riches as in wisdom. And all the kings of the earth set out on a journey to see Solomon, in order to hear the wisdom which Jehovah had put in his heart (v. 21-23)... And Solomon made silver to be as common at Jerusalem as the stones, so much was there of it (v. 27). » That, now, is more like it!... Besides, the 1st book of Chronicles (1 Chronicles 29) assures us that Solomon had received from his father David an inheritance that was not to be despised, talents of gold by thousands, drachmas of gold, talents of silver, of brass, etc. Voltaire amused himself by making the total of it and translating it into the money of his own century. « What David left to Solomon, according to the Bible, says he, makes just ten thousand millions of crowns, eighteen thousand millions of France. What Solomon amassed in his turn might well come to as large a sum. It is comical to see a melch, a Jewish kinglet, have at his disposal thirty-six thousand millions of French livres, or nine thousand millions of German crowns, or about one thousand five hundred millions of pounds sterling (the pound sterling is 25 francs of our money). One is disgusted by so many puerile exaggerations; it resembles the celestial Jerusalem, which comes down from heaven in the Apocalypse, and which the good fellow saint Justin saw during forty consecutive nights: the walls were of jasper, the city was of gold, the foundations of precious stones, and the gates of pearls! » We have just seen that the Bible speaks to us of all the kings of the earth coming to visit Jerusalem in order to admire Solomon and bring him presents (2 Chronicles 9:22-24). The sacred author, it will be said, might very well have cited a few known kings; that would have been of excellent effect. But precise citations, there precisely is what was ticklish; humbug though he be, the pigeon submitted to the necessity of remaining vague, on pain of seeing his mystification seen clean through. Nevertheless, as it was necessary to mention at least one of these travelling monarchs (without that, the good gulls of the faithful would have been only half content), the holy Bible has served up to them the relation of the memorable visit of a powerful queen: the queen of Sheba. Chapter 10 of the first book of Kings is devoted in great part to this event, as is chapter 9 of the second book of Chronicles. As for the country of Sheba, of which this lady was the sovereign, it has given rise to numerous discussions among theologians, all of them as learned as one another; unfortunately, none of these contradictory dissertations has succeeded in fixing exactly under what latitude this country was to be found. So then, « the queen of Sheba, having heard speak of Solomon, set out upon a journey and came to see him, in order to put his wisdom to the proof by proposing to him some riddles to guess. And she entered into Jerusalem with a very great train; she had camels which bore aromatics and a great quantity of gold and of precious stones; and when she saw Solomon, she spake to him of all that she had in her heart. Solomon explained without hesitation all the riddles which she proposed to him; and whatsoever she could imagine of subtle and of obscure, nothing succeeded in embarrassing the king. Then, the queen of Sheba, seeing that Solomon was endowed with so marvellous a wisdom, admiring the house which he had built to Jehovah, as well as his palace, agreeably surprised by the exquisite dishes of his table, finding that all was magnificent, even the lodgings of his servants, the order which regulated the service of his officers, their garments, his cup-bearers, and the holocausts which he offered in the temple, she was quite beside herself. 273. The queen of Sheba puts questions to Solomon. And she said unto the king: In truth, nothing is more exact than that which I had learned in my kingdom concerning thee and thy wisdom; I would not believe it, and that is wherefore I am come: but I see that the half of the reality had not been told me; thy wisdom and thy magnificence surpass all that fame proclaimeth on thy subject! » (1 Kings 10:1-7) Before parting from her host, the queen of Sheba made him a present of rare and precious objects which she had brought, to which she added a hundred and twenty talents of gold (1 Kings 10:10). For his part, the gallant Solomon retorted by loading her with presents: « He gave her all that she wished and that she asked, besides what he gave her according to what a king such as Solomon had the power to give » (v. 13). Some facetious commentators suppose that among the number of Solomon’s gifts which she carried away into her own country, the queen of Sheba had a Punchinello in the drawer (‘a Punchinello in the drawer’ — fr. ‘avoir un polichinelle dans le tiroir’, a familiar expression for being with child). 274. Exchange of royal presents. So much glory was to be fatal to Solomon, from the point of view of the salvation of his soul. God had given him wisdom, and had not taken it back from him; nevertheless, the Bible indicates as a beginning of his downfall the friendly relations which the son of David had with the Egyptians, the Hittites, the Ammonites, the Sidonians, etc.; these were, it appears, bad company. 275. Solomon begins to fall away: bad company. Then, « king Solomon loved at once several foreign women, besides the daughter of Pharaoh, namely, women born of among the nations whereof Jehovah had said unto the children of Israel: Ye shall not go in unto them, and they shall not lie with you; for certainly they would turn away your heart to follow their gods. In spite of this prohibition of Jehovah, Solomon attached himself to all these foreign women with passion. He had for wives seven hundred princesses, and besides three hundred concubines. » (1 Kings 11:1-3) 276. Continuation of the royal downfall: too many wives. No doubt, Jehovah had looked with a very kindly eye upon the polygamy of a great number of his patriarchs and prophets; to recall only the last, it is certain that David had made ample use of the divine permission. But, frankly, Solomon was abusing it. A thousand wives, whom he loved all of them with passion, that is to say who were not there merely for show! a thousand wives, to whom, without ceasing, he threw the handkerchief! (‘he threw the handkerchief’ — fr. ‘jeter le mouchoir’, alluding to the sultan said to toss his handkerchief to the woman of his harem chosen for the night)... And how that must have tired his arm for him!... There happened therefore what was bound to happen, what Jehovah moreover knew in advance, in his quality of a God knowing the future better than anybody: Solomon, to give pleasure to the seven hundred foreign princesses who were his wives, sacrificed to their gods; on a mountain near Jerusalem, he built a temple to Chemosh, god of the Moabites, and on another mountain, a temple to Milcom and to Moloch, gods of the Ammonites; the god of the Sidonians, Ashtoreth, also received his homage (1 Kings 11:4-8). 277. The height of the downfall: Solomon worships idols. Papa Good God, who, in the first days of the world, had made a crime for Adam and Eve of their having wished to learn to discern good from evil, had found himself, on the contrary, very much charmed that Solomon aspired, above all things, to possess that same science, and he had granted it to him accompanying it with a thousand blessings. Let us set aside what is capricious in the superlative degree about this change in the manner of seeing, in a supernatural being whom the theologians proclaim the infinitely wise, and let us consider only the fact, that is to say: this discernment of good and evil refused to Adam, Solomon had it in the highest degree, by the grace of God. His conduct is therefore absolutely incomprehensible, and here again the Bible contradicts itself. Or else, one must simply see in all this an historical indication: namely that at that epoch the Jews had as yet no fixed and well-determined worship, and that is what is the most likely. If they had had one, the sacred author would not have related above that Jacob and Esau married idolatrous women; Samson would not have married a Philistine woman; Jephthah would not have said that the Moabite people possessed by right what its god Chemosh had given it. The critics rest upon these incoherences to say that none of the Jewish books, such as they have come down to us, was written at that time, evidently, and that, under this reign of Solomon in which the Israelites are barely beginning to perform an act of nationhood, it was quite a matter of indifference whether their king worshipped a god under the name of Chemosh, or of Ashtoreth, or of Moloch, or of Milcom, or of Adonai, or of Shaddai, or of Jehovah. However that may be, the Bible represents Jehovah to us as greatly irritated. Whence: a third apparition; this time, it is no longer said that Papa Good God showed himself in a dream. The scene is a lively one: the Eternal addresses sharp reproaches to the wise Solomon, who has ceased to be wise without the said Eternal having taken wisdom away from him; the son of David is rated in fine style! « Since thou hast acted thus, said Jehovah unto him, I will tear thy kingdom, that it may be no more thine and I will give it to one of thy servants. » (1 Kings 11:11) Papa Good God is so greatly in a rage, that he literally splutters; for he adds immediately (1 Kings 11:12): « Nevertheless, I will do nothing of that against thee during thy life; it is when thy kingdom shall be in the hands of thy son, that I will tear it. » 278. God speaks for the last time to Solomon. Note that at that moment the son in question, named Rehoboam, had committed no sin whatever, keeping to the text of the Bible: if he remains devout towards Jehovah why make him pay for the broken pots (‘pay for the broken pots’ — fr. ‘payer les pots cassés’, to bear the blame or the cost of another’s misdeeds), Solomon being the only guilty one? if he is, once upon the throne, to commit the same faults as his father, he will then be punished on his own personal account, and in that case why does Jehovah tell Solomon that it is his son who will pay for him?... One would be led to believe that in giving wisdom to the son of David, Papa Good God had not kept the smallest morsel of it for himself. God has therefore just formally declared to Solomon that he will not divide his kingdom during his lifetime. Now, the Bible immediately adds: « The Eternal raised up therefore enemies unto Solomon: in the first place, Hadad the Idumean, who was of the royal race of Edom. » (v. 14) The short history of this Hadad is of itself the flagrant contradiction of what precedes, and one asks oneself to what state of softening of the brain the sacred author had come, to have been able to write what the mystifying pigeon was dictating to him. Hadad, we are told, was quite young, in Idumea, when Joab, David’s generalissimo, came to massacre all the males of that country; he had the luck to escape the carnage, with a few of his father’s servants, and he took refuge in Egypt. Pharaoh gave him asylum, took a liking to him, made him a present of a house and of a vast rural property, and Hadad was so well looked upon by the king of Egypt, that the latter bestowed upon him for wife the queen’s own sister. Holy Writ has never up to now indicated to us the name of a Pharaoh; but here it makes known to us the name of the sovereign lady: it is queen Tahpenes, of whom no historian has spoken, need it be said? So then, here is Hadad the brother-in-law of Pharaoh. Do not lose sight, I beg of you, of the fact that all this was taking place under the reign of David. The author next relates to us that, as soon as Hadad learned of David’s death, followed almost immediately by that of Joab, he took leave of the king of Egypt, returned to Idumea, and was thenceforward one of those enemies whom God made use of against Solomon to punish him for his idolatry. Hadad did much harm to Solomon (1 Kings 11:15-22). Now, this same chapter of the Bible tells us (v. 4) that it was « in the time of his old age » that the son of David turned aside from the worship of Jehovah to adore the rival gods, and, further on (1 Kings 11:42) that he reigned in all forty years. Let us admit, if you will, that Solomon’s devotion towards Jehovah lasted thirty years and that the last ten years of his reign were those of his sins. Either Hadad, this scourge of God, remained, he the brother-in-law of Pharaoh, more than thirty years in ignorance of Solomon’s accession, and that would be all the more impossible in that Solomon married, from the very beginning of his reign, the daughter of the king of Egypt, a near relative of Hadad; or else Hadad lost no time and paraded his avenging sword about the kingdom of Israel shortly after the taking possession of the throne by Solomon, and it is the height of the extraordinary that Solomon should have been punished for his sin thirty years before having committed it. But here is something more precise still: « God raised up also another enemy unto Solomon; it was Rezon, son of Eliada. He assembled troops against him; he had been beaten formerly by David and had taken refuge at Damascus. But he was a terrible enemy for Israel during all the reign of Solomon, and he did him much harm, besides the harm that Hadad did. Rezon, who inflicted these defeats upon the Israelites, reigned over Syria. » (1 Kings 11:23-25) This Rezon, king of Syria, who caused so much grief to Solomon throughout the whole course of his reign in Judea, demonstrates, as clearly as three times one makes three: 1st that the monarch so wise and at first so devout towards Jehovah was punished, while he was innocent, for the sins of which he was to make himself guilty in the time of his old age; 2nd that the sacred author contradicts himself singularly, when he says above (1 Kings 4:20-21) that Solomon reigned from the Euphrates to the Mediterranean. Besides, the son-in-law of the king of Egypt and of six hundred and ninety-nine other kings of the earth had a farthing to divide (‘a farthing to divide’ — fr. ‘avoir maille à partir avec quelqu’un’; the ‘maille’ was the smallest old coin, too small to split, hence a quarrel with somebody) with his own subjects. « Jeroboam, son of Nebat and of Zeruah, who was a servant of Solomon, was also raised up against him by the Eternal. Now, Jeroboam was a courageous and strong man, whom the king had remarked among his servants, when he was causing Millo to be built, and whom he had from that time charged with the collection of the taxes in the families of the descendants of Joseph. And it came to pass that Jeroboam, going out of Jerusalem, met upon his road Ahijah the prophet, who had that day a fine mantle quite new. They were both alone in the country. Then, Ahijah tore all at once his mantle into twelve pieces as soon as he saw Jeroboam, and he said unto him: Take for thyself ten pieces of my mantle; for the Eternal spake to me yesterday morning in these terms: I will tear the kingdom of Solomon, and I will give ten tribes thereof to one of his servants; nevertheless, I will leave one tribe to his son, because of my faithful David and of the city of Jerusalem, which I have chosen among all the tribes of Israel. » (1 Kings 11:26-32) We have already seen a Levite who cut his concubine into twelve pieces, because she had died of having been violated at Gibeah, in a single night, by seven hundred wicked scoundrels; and now, here is a prophet who tears his mantle (fortunately, it is only his mantle) into twelve parts, in order to signify to Jeroboam that God authorised him to raise a riot and that of the twelve tribes of Israel he should have ten. This prophet Ahijah, remarks Voltaire, might have plotted against Solomon with the rebel without its costing him a good brand-new mantle; all the more so as the god of Israel did not give many mantles to his prophets, for it is known that their wardrobe was ill-furnished: apparently Jeroboam, in his gratitude, paid him the value of his mantle! Another observation which will not fail to be made: of the three enemies whom God raised up against Solomon, Jeroboam is the only one who rose against him after his apostasy; now, he is precisely the only one who made a fiasco of it. The two others handled the son of David rather roughly and thus humiliated him by checking him; Jeroboam’s riot, on the contrary, did not succeed at all. « Solomon, having given orders to put to death Jeroboam, who had just revolted, the latter took at once to flight and took refuge in Egypt, where he remained until the death of Solomon. » (v. 40) 279. The rioter Jeroboam takes refuge in Egypt. This chapter 11 ends by mentioning the decease of the monarch of the seven hundred wives and the three hundred concubines, without saying whether, in his last days, he returned to good sentiments towards Sabaoth; so that the theologians have discussed a great deal upon the question of knowing whether he is damned or not; opinions are divided. 280. Solomon falls asleep at last for ever. Another very regrettable gap, and one which leaps to the eye, is that which results from the silence kept by the sacred author concerning the numerous weddings of the glorious Jewish king. For, in short, it is very fine to tell us that Solomon had for lawful wives seven hundred foreign princesses, belonging to the various royal families of the earth, and all practising the bad religions; but one would have been glad to have a few descriptions of these nuptial ceremonies and of the festivities which accompanied them. If Solomon’s apostasy lasted ten years (which would be enormous), these seven hundred princesses, lawful wives, represent forty-six royal weddings a year, that is to say about one every week. Do you see from here this kingdom passing ten consecutive years in public rejoicings, receptions of the sovereign fathers-in-law! and how vexatious it is that the Almanach de Gotha (‘Almanach de Gotha’ — the annual directory of the reigning and noble houses of Europe) did not exist at that epoch, to give us the nomenclature of the reigning families, then to be counted by hundreds! One cannot, finally, close the history of Solomon without speaking of the four books which are attributed to him and which form part of the Bible: the Proverbs, the Book of Wisdom, Ecclesiastes and the Song of Songs. The first of these works is a collection of maxims which appear to our refined minds sometimes trivial, low, incoherent, without taste, without selection and without design. They cannot persuade themselves that an enlightened king composed a collection of sentences among which one does not find a single one that concerns the manner of governing, politics, the manners of courtiers, the usages of a court. They are astonished to see whole chapters in which there is talk only of trollops who go about inviting passers-by in the streets to lie with them. — They revolt against sentences in this taste: « There are three insatiable things, and a fourth which never saith It is enough: the sepulchre, the vulva of woman, the earth which is never satisfied with water; and fire, which is the fourth, never saith It is enough. » (Proverbs 30:15-16) « There are three things difficult to find again, and I am entirely ignorant of the fourth: the track of the eagle in the air, the track of the serpent upon the stone, the track of a ship in the sea, and the track of a man in a woman. » (v. 18-19) « There are four things which are the smallest of the earth, and which are wiser than the wise: the ants, a little people which prepareth itself a food during the harvest; the hare, a feeble people which lodgeth upon stones; the locust, which, having no king, travelleth in troops; the lizard, which worketh with its hands and which dwelleth in the palace of kings. » (v. 24-28) — Is it to a great king, say they, to the wisest of mortals, that anyone dares impute suchlike inanities? (Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary) The Proverbs have also been attributed to Isaiah, to Elzia, to Shebna, to Eliakim, to Joah, and to several others. The Book of Wisdom is in a more serious taste. It is attributed to Solomon, but also to Jesus, son of Sirach, and to Philo of Byblos; but, whoever the author may be, it has been believed that in his time the Pentateuch was not yet in existence; for he says, in chapter 10, that Abraham wished to immolate Isaac at the time of the flood, and in another place, he speaks of the patriarch Joseph as of a king of Egypt. The worst is that the author, in the same chapter, pretends that in his time one may see the statue of salt into which Lot’s wife was changed. What the critics find worse still is that this book appears to them a very tedious heap of commonplaces; but they ought to consider that such works are not made to follow the vain rules of eloquence. They are written to edify, and not to please; one must even struggle against one’s disgust in order to read them. (Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary) Ecclesiastes, which is likewise set down to Solomon’s account, is of quite a different order and taste. He who speaks in this work seems to be disabused of the illusions of grandeur, weary of pleasures and disgusted with knowledge. He has been taken for an epicurean who repeats on every page that the just man and the impious man are subject to the same accidents, that man has nothing more than the beast, that it is better not to have been born than to exist, that there is no other life, and that there is nothing good and reasonable but to enjoy in peace the fruit of one’s labours with the woman one loves. — It might well be that Solomon held such discourses to some of his wives: it is pretended that these are objections which he raises to himself; but these maxims, which have a somewhat libertine air, do not resemble objections at all, and it is making game of the world to understand in an author the contrary of what he says. (Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary) As for the Song of Songs, in eight chapters, it is worth the trouble of being reproduced at full length. « Chap. 1st. — 1. This is the Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. — 2. Kiss me with a kiss of thy mouth, for thy loves are more agreeable than wine. — 3. Because of the odour of thy excellent perfumes, thy name is as a perfume poured forth, and it is for that that the maidens have loved thee. — 4. Draw me, that we may run after thee. When the king shall have brought thee into his cabinets, we will make merry and we will take our joy in thee: we will celebrate thy loves more than wine. — The men who are always upright have loved me. — 5. Oh! daughters of Jerusalem, my skin is brown; but I am beautiful as the tents of Kedar and as the pavilions of Solomon. — 6. Consider not that I am brown, because the sun hath looked upon me; the children of my mother were angry against me; they set me to keep the vineyards, and I have not kept my own vineyard. — 7. Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thy flock pastureth and where thou makest it to rest at noon; for wherefore should I be as a woman wandering about the flocks of thy companions? — 8. If thou know it not, O thou fairest of all women, go forth, follow the traces of the flock, and feed thy little goats near the huts of the shepherds. — 9. My great friend, I compare thee to my horses which are harnessed to the chariots of Pharaoh. — 10. Thy cheeks have good grace with thine ornaments, and thy neck with the necklaces. — 11. We will make thee ornaments of gold with studs of silver. — 12. Whilst the king was seated at my table, my spikenard gave forth its odour. — 13. My beloved is upon me as a sachet of myrrh; he shall pass the night between my teats. — 14. My beloved is as a cluster of privet in the vineyards of Engedi; I will bring him into my vineyard. — 15. Behold thou art fair, my great friend, behold thou art fair; thine eyes are as those of the doves. — 16. Behold thou art fair, my beloved; oh! what enjoyments thou givest me! Therefore is our couch verdant! — 17. The beams of our houses are of cedar, and our rafters are of fir. Chap. 2. — 1. I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys. — 2. Such as is the lily among the thorns, such is my great friend among the maidens. — 3. Such as is the apple-tree among the trees of the forest, such is my beloved among the young men. I have desired to be covered by him and I have lain down under his shade; and his fruit hath been sweet to my mouth. — 4. He hath led me into the banqueting hall and hath stretched himself upon me; it is love! — 5. Make my strength return with good wine, make me a couch of apples; for I am dying of love. — 6. Let his left hand be under my head, and let his right hand caress me all along the body. — 7. Daughters of Jerusalem, I adjure you, by the roes and the hinds of our fields, that ye stir not up nor awake her whom I love, until she will it. — 8. Ah! I hear the voice of my beloved; behold him who cometh leaping upon the mountains and bounding upon the hills. — 9. My beloved is like the roe or the fawn of the hinds; behold him who standeth behind our walls; he looketh through the windows, he advanceth through the lattices. — 10. My beloved hath taken up the word and hath said unto me: Rise up, my great friend, my all-fair, and come away. — 11. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is past and is gone away. — 12. The flowers appear upon the earth, the time of songs is come, and the voice of the turtle-dove hath already been heard in our region. — 13. The fig-tree hath put forth its first figs, and the vines have clusters and give forth their odour. Rise up, my great friend, my all-fair, and come away. — 14. My dove, who keepest thyself in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding-places of the steep places, make me to see thy look and make me to hear thy voice; for thy voice is sweet and thy look is gracious. — 15. Take us the foxes and the little foxes which do damage in the vineyards, since the vineyards have clusters. — 16. My beloved is mine, and I am all his; he feedeth his flock in the midst of my lilies. — 17. Before the wind of the day blow and the shadows flee away, return, my beloved, like the roe or the fawn of the hinds, upon the broken mountains. Chap. 3. — 1. I sought during the night, upon my bed, him whom my soul loveth; I sought him, but I found him no more! — 2. I will rise now and I will go about the city, through the cross-ways and through the squares, and I will seek him whom my soul loveth. I sought him, but I found him not! — 3. The watch, who were going the rounds during the night, found me. Have ye not seen, said I unto them, him whom my soul loveth? — 4. Scarcely had I passed them, when I found him whom my soul loveth; I took him, and I will not let him go until I have brought him to the house of my mother and into the chamber of her who conceived me. — 5. Daughters of Jerusalem, I adjure you, by the roes and by the hinds of our fields, that ye stir not up nor awake her whom I love, until she will it. — 6. Who is this, who cometh up from the desert like columns of smoke, in the form of palms, perfumed with myrrh and with incense, and with all sorts of powders of the perfumer? — 7. Behold the bed of Solomon, around which there are threescore valiant men, of the most valiant of Israel. — 8. All handling the sword and very well trained to war, having each his sword upon his thigh, because of the terrors of the night. — 9. King Solomon hath made himself a bed of wood of Lebanon. — 10. He hath made its pillars of silver and its bed of gold, its canopy of scarlet and the inside garnished with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. — 11. Go forth, daughters of Zion, and behold king Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his marriage and in the day of the joy of his heart. Chap. 4. — 1. Behold thou art fair, my great friend! Thine eyes are as those of the doves, and the tresses of thy hair are as a flock of goats of the mountains of Gilead, which have been shorn. — 2. All thy teeth are as white sheep newly shorn which come up from the washing-place, two by two, and whereof there is not one that is barren. — 3. Thy lips are as a thread dyed in scarlet; thy speech is gracious. Thy temple is as a pomegranate under thy tresses. — 4. Thy neck is as the tower of David, built with battlements, and whereon hang a thousand shields and all the bucklers of the valiant men. — 5. Thy two teats are as the twin fawns of a hind, which feed among the lilies. — 6. Before the wind of the day blow and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense. — 7. Thou art all fair, my great friend, and there is no spot in thee. — 8. Come from Lebanon with me, my spouse, come from Lebanon with me; look from the summit of Amana, from the summit of Shenir and of Hermon, from the dens of the lions and from the mountains of the leopards. — 9. Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes and with one of the necklaces of thy neck. — 10. How voluptuous are thy loves, my sister, my spouse! how much better are thy loves than the best wine, and the odour of thy perfumes than any aromatic plant! — 11. Thy lips, my spouse, distil honeycombs; when I pass my tongue about thine, I find in it a taste of milk and of honey: and the odour of thy garments is as the odour of Lebanon — 12. My sister, my wife, thou art a garden enclosed, a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. — 13. The hairs which grow upon thee are fragrant as an orchard planted with pomegranates, as a garden wherein are delicious fruits of privet and spikenard of sweet perfume. — 14. Spikenard and saffron, the odorous reed and cinnamon, with all sorts of trees of incense, myrrh and aloes, with the chief aromatic plants. — 15. O fountain of the gardens! O well of living water and streams flowing down from Lebanon! — 16. Rise, north wind, and thou, south wind, blow through my garden, that the voluptuous odour which is exhaled therefrom may intoxicate my beloved. Let my beloved set his lips thereon, and let him eat of my fruit! Chap. 5. — 1. I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse; I have gathered my myrrh and my aromatic plants; I have eaten my honeycombs with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk. Friends, rejoice with me; eat, drink, make good cheer, my beloved. — 2. I was asleep, but my heart was waking; and behold I heard the voice of my beloved who said, without: Open to me, my sister, my great friend, my dove, my perfect one; for my head is full of dew, and my hair is wet with the drops of the night. — 3. I am all naked, I answered; must I then put on my robe again? I have washed my feet, how should I soil them? — 4. My beloved, then, put his hand into the hole, through a fissure of my tent, and my belly thrilled with pleasure at his touch. — 5. I rose to open to my beloved; and my fingers still all moist wetted the fittings of the bolt. — 6. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had already withdrawn and was passed on; I sought him, but I found him not; I called him, but he answered me not. — 7. The watch, who were going the rounds through the city, found me; they beat me, they wounded me; the keepers of the walls tore away my veil. — 8. Daughters of Jerusalem, I adjure you, if ye meet my beloved, what will ye say to him? Tell him that I am dying of love. — 9. What is thy beloved more than another, O fairest among women? What is thy beloved more than another, that thou hast thus adjured us? — 10. My beloved is white and ruddy; he is always the most upright, even in the midst of ten thousand. — 11. His head is as of gold most fine; his hair is curly, black as a raven. — 12. His eyes are as those of the doves upon the brooks of running water, washed in milk and as set in the sockets of rings. — 13. His cheeks are as a bed of aromatic plants and as vessels of odour; his lips are as lilies; they distil pure myrrh. — 14. His hands have rings of gold, with chrysolites set therein; his belly is like ivory well polished, covered with sapphires. — 15. His legs are as pillars of marble, founded upon bases of fine gold; his bearing is as Lebanon, he is exquisite as the cedars. — 16. The interior of his mouth is all that there is of most sweet; all in him, moreover, maketh me drunk with desires. Such is my beloved, such is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem. Chap. 6. — 1. Whither is thy beloved gone, O fairest of women? Tell us which way thy beloved hath directed himself, and we will seek him with thee. — 2. My beloved is gone down into his orchard, to the bed of aromatic plants to feed his flock in the orchards and to gather lilies. — 3. I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth his flock among the lilies. — 4. My great friend, thou art fair as Tirzah, agreeable as Jerusalem, terrible as the armies which march with banners displayed. — 5. Turn away thine eyes and look not upon me, for thine eyes constrain me; thy hair is as a flock of goats of Gilead, which have been shorn. — 6. Thy teeth are as a flock of white sheep which come up from the washing-place, two by two, and whereof there is not one that is barren. — 7. Thy temple is as a piece of pomegranate under thy tresses. — 8. Thou hast threescore wives, fourscore concubines, and virgins without number. — 9. My dove, my perfect one, is unique; she is unique to her mother and particularly loved of her who bore her; the maidens have seen her and have called her blessed; the queens and the concubines have praised her, saying: — 10. Who is this who appeareth as the dawn of day, fair as the moon, choice as the sun, terrible as the armies which march with banners displayed? — 11. I went down into the orchard of nut-trees, to see the fruits which ripen in the valley, to see whether the vine putteth forth and whether the pomegranates have shot forth their blossom. — 12. Return, return, O Shulamite, that we may contemplate thee! Chap. 7. — 1. Daughter of a prince, how fair is thy gait! The turn of thy hips is as necklaces wrought by the hand of an excellent workman. — 2. Thy navel is as a round cup, all full of drink; thy belly is as a heap of wheat surrounded with lilies. — 3. Thy two teats are as two twin fawns of a hind. — 4. Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes are as the fishpools which are at Heshbon, near the gate of Bath-rabbim; thy face is as the tower of Lebanon, which looketh towards Damascus. — 5. Thy head is upon thee as crimson, and the finest hairs of thy head are as scarlet. The king remaineth fastened upon his gallery to look at thee. — 6. How fair thou art! how agreeable thou art! my love, my delights! — 7. This stature that thou hast hath the majesty of a palm-tree, and thy teats make me think of two clusters of grapes. — 8. I said: I will go up upon the palm-tree and I will clasp it in my arms; and thy teats shall be to me now as clusters of grapes, and the odour of thy face shall be for me as the odour of apples. — 9. And thy palate shall distil for me its sweet honey, and thou shalt pour the best wine to thy beloved, the wine of love which maketh the lips of those who sleep to speak. — 10. I am my beloved’s; for he hath but one desire: to take his joy of me. — 11. Come then, my beloved; let us go forth into the country, let us pass the night in the fields. — 12. Let us rise up in the morning to go to the vineyards, and let us see whether the vine be advanced, whether the cluster be formed, and whether the pomegranates be in flower; it is there that I will deliver thee all my loves. — 13. The mandrakes give forth their odour, and, at our door, are found all sorts of exquisite fruits, new ones and old which I have kept for thee, O my beloved! Chap. 8. — 1. Would to God that thou wert as my brother, who hath sucked the breasts of my mother; I would go to find thee without, and I would kiss thee, and I should not be despised. — 2. I would bring thee and I would introduce thee into the house of my mother; and thou wouldst instruct me, and I would make thee drink of my best wine mingled with aromatic and of the must of my pomegranate. — 3. Come, my beloved, let thy left hand be under my head, and let thy right hand caress me again over all my body! — 4. I adjure you, daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up nor awake her whom I love, until she will it. — 5. Who is she who cometh up from the desert, and who leaneth softly upon her beloved? I awakened thee under an apple-tree, there where thy mother conceived thee, there where she conceived thee who gave thee the day. — 6. Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thine arm. Love is strong as death, and jealousy is hard as the sepulchre; their embracings are embracings of fire and their flame is of the most vehement. — 7. Much water could not quench our love, my beloved, and the rivers even could not drown it; if any one gave all the goods of his house to take from us that love, certainly we should despise his offer. — 8. We have also a little sister who hath not yet any teats; what shall we do to our sister, in the day when she shall be spoken of? — 9. If she be as a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver; and, if she be as a door, we will strengthen her with an entablature of cedar. — 10. I, I am strong as a rampart, and my teats are firm as towers; that is wherefore I have had the favours of my beloved, and his love hath given me peace. — 11. Solomon had a vineyard, at Baal-hamon, which he hath sold to his keepers; each of them, for his share of fruit, must bring a thousand pieces of silver. — 12. My vineyard, which is mine, is at thy disposal, O Solomon! If it be worth a thousand pieces of silver, let the thousand pieces of silver be thine, but give two hundred thereof for the keepers of my fruit. — 13. Thou who dwellest in the gardens, the friends are attentive to thy voice; make me to hear it! — 14. And now, my beloved, flee away as swiftly as a roe or as a fawn of a hind, upon the mountains full of aromatic plants. Such is, in all its beauty, the famous Schir-Haschidim (Song of Songs) of the Old Testament, about which there has been so much dispute. To minds freed from superstition, it appears clearly enough that this licentious rhapsody, composed to all evidence in order to excite the flesh, is nothing else than a romance of an oriental harem, in the taste of the period. But the theologians, the Jewish ones as well as the Catholic, do not understand it so at all! The former maintain mordicus (‘mordicus’ — the Latin word Taxil keeps in his French: stubbornly, tooth and nail, literally ‘by biting’) that the beloved brought upon the scene by the poet is the personification of Jehovah, and that the bride, the great friend, represents the nation of Israel. This explanation has been at length developed by the commentators in the Targum, a collection of Chaldaic traditions, where the Song of Songs is interpreted as being an allegorical history of the Jewish people from the departure out of Egypt down to the day when the Messiah shall manifest himself and when the third temple shall be built. To justify this interpretation, they have laid under contribution all the complications that the exegetical system of the Talmud can furnish: the reduction of words to their numerical value, the substitution of homophonous terms, etc. The Jews of the middle ages worked over these first essays considerably, without however departing from the primitive datum; they even attributed to this interpretation a canonical and liturgical value, by giving it a place in their ritual. The numerous and terrible persecutions of which they were so often the victims contributed not a little to stamp upon this belief a very marked character of nationality and of individuality; Solomon’s poem became almost for the persecuted the intellectual palladium about which they grouped their hopes and their wishes. However, beside this allegorical interpretation, wholly religious, we find among the Jews another, metaphysical and philosophical. Thus, in the thirteenth century, the Song of Songs was, for Ibn Caspi, the allegorical representation of the union between the active intellect, intellectus agens, and the passive or material intellect, intellectus materialis. Lastly, in the eighteenth century, Mendelssohn inaugurated a new Jewish school of interpretation, which, without absolutely rejecting the allegorical interpretation, nevertheless takes great account of the literal interpretation; with him, the allegory remained national and lost its religious meaning. As for the Catholic theologians, they modify from top to bottom the explanation of the Jewish doctors, and they affirm with the greatest seriousness that this erotic poem is the fruit of a sacrosanct inspiration, a prophetic book, wherein the love of Jesus Christ for his Church and of the Church for its divine founder, whom she regards as her spouse, is painted under bold figures, but whose obscenity, purified by its mystical sense, can scandalise none but the malevolent minds of unbelievers. The first mystical interpretation, in this sense, goes back to Origen, who wrote a voluminous commentary upon it; and so it is amusing to note that the honour of this fine discovery falls to a Father of the Church whose castration is almost as celebrated as that of Abelard. In the wake of the eunuch Origen all the Christian exegetes have embarked, all the holy priest-rabble, happy — the admirable humbug Bossuet at their head — to have an uncommon means of making the simple faithful swallow the most formidable of biblical toads (‘swallow the most formidable of biblical toads’ — fr. ‘faire avaler un crapaud’, to make someone accept something thoroughly repugnant). And there, thanks to this ingenious trick, is the Song of Songs given, in the convents, as a meditation to contemplative nuns; one understands the effect produced upon these unhappy cloistered women, whose more or less hysterical mysticism delights in the thought that they are the brides of Jesus Christ, each one in particular, as the Church is his bride in general. In their meditation, the poor mad creatures have only to substitute themselves for the Church, the great friend of the beloved. In order the better to fix in the minds of the credulous flock their interpretation of the highest fancy, the priests have set titles at the head of the eight chapters of the Song of Songs. Now that one has read the text, one will appreciate the value of the titles added since Origen by sacerdotal craftiness. It is enough to make one writhe with laughter! Here are these titles: — Chap. 1. The bride here expresses her love for her bridegroom, and the bridegroom his love for his bride. — Chap. 2. Discourse of the Church in relation to Jesus Christ. — Chap. 3. The search which the Church makes for Jesus Christ, and her joy at having found him. — Chap. 4. Beauty of the bride, described mystically and by wholly figurative expressions. — Chap. 5. Regrets of the bride at not having answered as she ought to the search of her bridegroom; she describes the beauty of the bridegroom. — Chap. 6. Dialogue between Jesus Christ and the Church. — Chap. 7. Another mysterious description of the beauty of the bride; faithful love of the Church for Jesus Christ. — Chap. 8. Reciprocal love of the Church for Jesus Christ, and of Jesus Christ for the Church. After that, let us pull up the ladder (‘let us pull up the ladder’ — fr. ‘tirer l’échelle’, that nothing further can be added — no one can do better), and let us conclude upon this point with this appreciation of Voltaire’s: « Since the Song of Songs is regarded as a perpetual allegory of the marriage of Jesus Christ with his Church, it must be admitted that the allegory is a little strong, and that one hardly sees what the Church could mean when the author says that her little sister has no teats. » (Song of Songs 8:8) CHAPTER 14 The two kingdoms: Israel and Judah The heir to the throne was Rehoboam. At first sight, it seems that everything ought to have gone off on castors, since the sacred author has just told us a moment ago that never were the Israelites so happy as in the reign of Solomon, that gold circulated in profusion, that the public prosperity was such that one walked upon silver in the streets, so abundant was it... But the divine pigeon has a short memory; or else he is amusing himself with the credulity of the faithful; for he now represents to us the Jewish people assembled at Shechem and holding this language to the son of Solomon: « Thy father had imposed upon us very hard burdens, which made us miserable; but thou, lighten this yoke too heavy for us, and we will serve thee. » (1 Kings 12:4) Rehoboam consulted the old men who had been his father’s counsellors. These recognised that the taxes were really too crushing and were of opinion that it would be wise to diminish them, so that the nation might remain attached to the family of David; but the new king also consulted the young men who had been brought up with him: they were of a quite contrary opinion. (1 Kings 12:6-10) So then, when the delegates of the people, at the head of whom was Jeroboam, returned from Egypt, came to take Rehoboam’s answer, here is what he replied to them: « The least of my fingers is thicker than the back of my father; if my father hath imposed upon you heavy burdens, I, I will make your yoke yet heavier; my father hath whipped you with rods, and I I will whip you with scorpions. » (v. 10-11) This discourse was hardly calculated to win for Rehoboam the heart of his people; but the Bible takes care to tell us that « Jehovah had regulated all thus, in order that there might be accomplished the words which he had pronounced unto Jeroboam by the mouth of the prophet Ahijah, of Shiloh » (v. 15). Thus, it is God himself who inspired the young friends of the new king with their bad counsels and who blinded Rehoboam to the point of making him reel off such stupidities! — The people were therefore very discontented and withdrew into their tents, murmuring (v. 15). And Rehoboam having sent the intendant of his tributes, named Adoram, to collect the taxes, all Israel battered the royal tax-gatherer to death with stones; no more than that was needed to throw a fright into Rehoboam, who, mounting nimbly upon a chariot, fled to Jerusalem (v. 18). 281. Too much popularity, or the flight of Rehoboam. « Now, all Israel knowing that Jeroboam was returned, constituted him king; and no one followed the house of David, except the tribes of Judah and of Benjamin. Rehoboam, having united these two tribes, formed therein an army composed of a hundred and eighty thousand picked soldiers, ready to fight against the house of Israel and to reduce it under the obedience of Rehoboam, son of Solomon » (1 Kings 12:20-21). Always ridiculous exaggerations! Could a wretched kinglet of the tenth part of a small barbarous nation have an army of a hundred and eighty thousand men? 282. Jeroboam is proclaimed king of Israel. « Then God spake to Shemaiah, man of God, and sent him to Rehoboam and to the tribes of Judah and of Benjamin, to tell them: The Lord forbiddeth you to rise up against your brothers, the children of Israel; return, each one to his house. And they obeyed the word of the Eternal, and they returned peaceably » (1 Kings 12:22-24). Behold then the Jewish kingdom divided into two kingdoms, which thenceforward took the names of Israel, with Jeroboam, and of Judah, with Rehoboam. One must believe that Shechem, where the nation had assembled to set forth its grievances to the son of Solomon, did not exist as a city; for it is said that « the first work of Jeroboam was to build Shechem, upon the mountains of Ephraim; and he dwelt there; then, he went forth thence and built Penuel » (v. 25). You doubtless believe that Jeroboam was grateful, he, the former servant, towards Jehovah who had just gratified him with a kingdom? Not at all. He hastened to have two golden calves manufactured, and placed one at Bethel and the other at Dan, and he said to the people of Israel: « That would give you too much trouble to go as far as Jerusalem to adore the Eternal; besides, ye may prostrate yourselves before the golden calves, for it is they who brought you out of Egypt. » And the people of Israel asked for nothing better. Jeroboam had other temples built to various idols; he established sacrificers, who were not taken from among the descendants of Levi, and he sacrificed himself (1 Kings 12:26-33). 283. The people kneel before the golden calves If this account is true, it furnishes a fresh proof that the Judaic religion was not yet fixed. This minuscule Jewish nation, as one sees, changes its worship at every moment, from its singular escape out of Egypt down to the time of Ezra. Note, in passing, its bizarre taste for calves, as a representation of the divinity!... We have not forgotten that Aaron’s golden calf cost twenty-three thousand men; the lord Adonai, or Jehovah, or Shaddai, or Sabaoth, or Jhao, ought naturally to have cut the throats of forty-six thousand Israelites for Jeroboam’s two calves. But we are going to see something else, this time! « Then a man of God, a seer (Flavius Josephus names him Addo the prophet), came from Judah to Beth-el, whilst Jeroboam was gone up upon the altar and was casting incense; and he cried against the altar in the word of God, saying: Altar! altar! the Lord declareth that there shall be born one day in the house of David a son who shall be named Josiah and who shall immolate upon thee the priests of the high places who now burn incense upon thee, and he shall burn upon thee the bones of men. And, to prove the truth of what I announce, let the altar be split at present! Now, straightway, Jeroboam stretched out his hand toward the prophet and ordered him to be seized; but his hand which he had stretched out dried up and he could not draw it back, and at the same time the altar split and the ashes which were thereon were spilled upon the ground. Then, the king besought the prophet to pray Jehovah to restore to him the use of his hand; and, at the prayer of the man of God, the hand of the king became living again as before. Then, the king said unto the prophet: Come and dine with me in my house, and I will make thee a fine present » (1 Kings 13:1-7). But the seer Addo, who had very precise instructions from Jehovah, refused the dinner and every present, and went away to return to the kingdom of Judah, « but taking another road than that by which he had come » (v. 10). The miracle of that withered hand is a very small matter beside those which have been recounted to us up to the present; fortunately, we shall make up for it presently with the prophet Elijah. As for the prohibition made to the people of Judah against eating on the lands of Jeroboam, it proves that this kingdom of Israel was not of great extent. A good walker could easily have breakfasted at Samaria and supped at Jerusalem; with all the more reason, a prophet, ordinarily a hermit accustomed to a sober life, could do without breakfast at Bethel, which was still nearer to Jerusalem than Samaria. « Now, there was an old diviner who dwelt at Bethel, and his children related to him the miracles which the man of God had just wrought. Then, the old diviner caused to be shown him the road which the prophet of Judah had taken; his sons girded his ass for him, and he mounted thereon. And when he had overtaken Addo, whom he found seated under a terebinth, he said unto him: Art thou the man of God who is come from Judah? And Addo answered: It is I. The old diviner resumed: Well, come then and eat bread at my house. But Addo answered him: I cannot come with thee, nor eat bread, nor drink water in this country; for the Lord hath forbidden me. Then, the old diviner said unto him again: Hearken, I am a prophet as thou art, and the angel of the Lord hath brought me the word of Jehovah telling me to bring thee back with me into my house, that thou mayest eat of my bread and that thou mayest drink of my water. But the old diviner of Bethel was lying. Addo returned therefore with him, and he ate bread and drank water in his house. » (1 Kings 13:11-19) It will be noticed that, as soon as a man called himself a prophet in Israel or in Judah, he was believed upon his word. We have seen that there were, in Saul’s time, prophets by troops. As soon as the old fellow of Bethel declares to Addo that he is his colleague in prophecy, Addo acknowledges him as such and sets to eating with him. « And it came to pass that, whilst they were at table, a voice made itself heard to the prophet of Judah, and it was the voice of Jehovah who cried unto him: Because thou hast disobeyed the order of God who had forbidden thee to eat in this country, thy body shall not be buried in the sepulchre of thy fathers. Then, the old diviner of Bethel caused an ass to be saddled for the prophet of Judah whom he had brought back; and Addo went away. But behold that, upon his road, he met a lion, which threw itself upon him and killed him. » It is evident that this lion had been sent by Jehovah; the orders which Papa Good God had given to the terrible wild beast are droll enough. « And behold the corpse of Addo remained stretched upon the ground in the road, and the ass stood near, on one side, and the lion also, on the other side. Now, some passers-by having come that way, were much astonished at this spectacle. » There was good reason for it! « They returned to Bethel and reported the thing to the old diviner, and he said: This corpse is that of the prophet of Judah to whom I lied and who disobeyed the orders of Jehovah; that is wherefore Jehovah hath delivered him to the lion. » Now, friend reader, what would you have done, if you had found yourself in the place of the old soothsayer of Bethel? You would have taken good care not to go and dispute with the lion the corpse of your brother prophet, would you not? Addo was guilty of nothing but having believed the story of an apparition which the old soothsayer had narrated to him, and, if he had been so cruelly punished, it was likely that his deceiver would be chastised in a still more terrible fashion. « The old diviner caused his ass to be saddled by his sons, and he went in search of the body of the prophet of Judah; he found the corpse stretched in the road, with the lion and the ass which he had given to Addo, and the two animals were there as sentinels, guarding the body; the lion had not eaten the body of the prophet, nor torn the ass. Then, the old diviner lifted the body of Addo and brought it back to Bethel. He buried it in the tomb of his family, and wept over him, saying: Alas! my brother! And he charged his sons to bury him, when he should be dead, in the same sepulchre, taking care to place his corpse upon the bones of the prophet Addo. » (1 Kings 13:20-31) Such is the heart-rending history of that unfortunate Addo, whom one can hardly reproach with anything but having been hungry and having breakfasted unseasonably in one place rather than in another, upon the word of a colleague in prophecy who had told him a sacrilegious fib and who got off without hindrance, the lucky fellow! Poor Addo, as one sees, cut no great figure in the world; were it not for the adventure of the lion and the ass on sentry-duty, posterity would be entirely ignorant of him. And Jeroboam, in all this?... The incident of his withered, then revived, hand ought to have sufficed, it would seem, to cure him of the idolatry of the golden calves; besides, what could be more terrifying than the pitiable death of Addo, of which he received the news?... Well, will it be believed? that imbecile of a Jeroboam « turned not aside from his evil way and continued his sacrifices to the false gods; and whosoever in Israel wished to be priest of the idols, consecrated himself thereto with the favour of the king » (v. 33). It is clear that such hardening deserved an exemplary chastisement. Who was struck by the divine vengeance?... Jeroboam?... No. It was a quite young child that he had, little Abijah. Abruptly, the baby fell ill. 284. Young Abijah, son of Jeroboam, is ill. Jeroboam had an idea: this was the case, thought he, for consulting the prophet Ahijah, the one who had given him ten pieces of his mantle, in order to predict to him his accession. Here, the king of Israel’s want of logic is fantastic. He knows what to think about the omnipotence of Jehovah and about the power that he delegates to his prophets; well, while having recourse to Ahijah in order to obtain from him the cure of the brat, he plots to deceive the infallible holy man. Jeroboam sends the queen, his wife, to Shiloh, after having made her put on a disguise which will prevent Ahijah from recognising her; he imagines that she will have only to speak of some child or other who is ill. 285. Jeroboam sends the queen to consult Ahijah. Behold then madame Jeroboam, disguised, arriving at Shiloh; into the bargain, the Bible informs us (1 Kings 14:4) that « old Ahijah could not see, his eyes being become altogether dim, so far advanced was his old age ». In every respect, the disguise was therefore absolutely useless. « And the Eternal said unto Ahijah: The wife of Jeroboam is coming to enquire of thee touching her son because he is sick. Thou shalt tell her such and such things (sic). When she shall enter, she will feign to be some other. As soon therefore as Ahijah had heard the noise of the shoes of the queen, as she was at the door, he said: Enter, enter, wife of Jeroboam; wherefore hast thou disguised thyself? Now, since thou art come, thou shalt hear the very hard things which I have to announce to thee. » (v. 5-6) 286. The queen, disguised, consults Ahijah the prophet. Thereupon, grand discourses, bitter reproaches addressed to Jeroboam and to his two golden calves, sinister predictions relating to the royal family which shall be dispossessed of the throne, without forgetting the sick baby, the object of the consultation. « Now, concluded Ahijah, return unto thy house; as soon as thy feet shall tread the soil of the city, the child shall die. » (v. 12) The unfortunate queen came back desolate, to Tirzah, where the court then was; « and as she set her foot upon the threshold of the royal house, the little boy died » (v. 17). And to think that with a little presence of mind madame Jeroboam might have avoided this catastrophe! she had only to make her re-entry mounted upon stilts, and thus she would not have trodden the soil of the city with her feet, parbleu! (‘parbleu!’ — a softened French oath, for ‘par Dieu’, by God) But maternal love does not think of everything... Here the book of Kings refers us to the book of Chronicles, and we learn there (2 Chronicles 13) that Abijam, king of Judah, son of Rehoboam, had a war with Jeroboam. « Abijam had four hundred thousand combatants, well chosen and very valiant. And Jeroboam had eight hundred thousand combatants, well chosen also and very valiant. And there were five hundred thousand of the most valiant men killed in the battle, on the side of Israel. » Brrr! what a carnage! At last, Jeroboam, after having practised for twenty-two years the trade of monarch « slept with his fathers », and Papa Good God who had suppressed for him, by means of an illness, young Abijah, forgot his other son, named Nadab, who succeeded him (1 Kings 14:20). 287. Jeroboam sleeps with his fathers. As for Rehoboam, he had not behaved any better than Jeroboam, with regard to Sabaoth. « The kingdom of Judah also had done that which is evil before the Eternal; for they built themselves high places to adore the idols; and the subjects of Rehoboam had groves upon all the hills and under all the green trees. There were even, in that kingdom, people who prostituted themselves after the manner of the Sodomites, and they committed all the abominations. » (1 Kings 14:22-24) « But, in the fifth year of the reign of Rehoboam, the king of Egypt, Shishak (this is the first time that the Bible names a pharaoh) seized Jerusalem, and he carried off all the treasures of the house of the Lord and the treasures of the king; he pillaged everything, even the shields of gold which Solomon had made » (v. 25-26). Here are Voltaire’s observations on this subject: « The lion of Judah, whose rod was never to depart from between his legs until Shiloh should come, feels this time his claws pared very close, and his rod hath not much power. Grave scholars prove that this Shishak was the great Sesostris; other grave scholars prove that Sesostris was born a thousand years before Shishak; and scholars graver still prove that there never was any Sesostris. One reason which would make one believe that it was not Sesostris who pillaged Jerusalem, is that he did not pillage Shechem, Jericho, Samaria, nor the two heretical golden calves; for Herodotus says that this great Sesostris pillaged the whole earth. » 288. For his part, Rehoboam renders his soul to God. Rehoboam had for successor his son Abijam, who reigned three years only, but who did not waste his time, since, according to the book of Chronicles, he killed, in a single battle, five hundred thousand soldiers of the army of the king of Israel. « And Jeroboam had no more strength during the reign of Abijah. Now, when Abijah saw his kingdom established, he took fourteen wives, and he had thereof twenty-two sons and sixteen daughters. » (2 Chronicles 13:20-21) Let us reckon a little! Three years of reign, says the book of Kings (1 Kings 15:2); victories over Jeroboam, during the first year; what do you say then, friend reader, of the twenty-two sons of this Abijam and of his sixteen daughters, that is thirty-eight children, of whom these fourteen wives were delivered in two years’ time?... Ah! there is a marvellous epoch, decidedly! In the book of Kings, we have two contradictory verses in chapter 15. « Abijah, who reigned three years, had his mother who was called Maachah and who was daughter of Absalom » (v. 2). Among the twenty-two sons whom Abijam had, it was Asa who succeeded him. « Asa reigned forty-one years; his mother was called Maachah, and she was daughter of Absalom » (v. 10). One really ought to come to an understanding: queen Maachah could not be at once the mother and the grandmother of the young king Asa. However that may be, Asa being a minor, Maachah had the regency. Ah! this time, it was a clean business! (‘it was a clean business!’ — fr. ‘ce fut du propre!’, ironical, meaning quite the opposite: a disgraceful business) Not only did this daughter of Absalom give herself over to drink in a deplorable fashion; but moreover she had treated herself to a magnificent Priapus, by way of a divinity. The golden calf was outdone. But, fortunately, « for the love of David, God had lighted a lamp in Jerusalem »; and this lamp was the young king Asa. « And Asa, grandson of Rehoboam, walked uprightly before the Eternal, as his forefather David had done; for he drove out of the country all those who prostituted themselves; and he even deposed his mother Maachah, so that she should be regent no longer; he prevented her from sacrificing thenceforth to Priapus, and he broke the shameful simulacrum of Priapus, which she had had made for herself, and he burnt it in the torrent of Kidron. Nevertheless, he did not destroy the high places; none the less, Asa’s heart was perfect before the Lord, during the whole time of his life. » (1 Kings 15:11-14) 289. Asa, king of Judah, deposes the queen-mother Maachah. Whether Asa was rewarded?... You shall see... First of all, he crushed an invasion, if the book of Chronicles, chapter 14, is to be believed, and what an invasion!... « Asa had in his army three hundred thousand men of the tribe of Judah, bearing shields and pikes, and two hundred and eighty thousand men of the tribe of Benjamin, bearing shields and quivers. And behold Zerah, king of Ethiopia, came forth from his country and came to fight in Judea with an army of a million soldiers, strong with three hundred chariots of war, and he advanced as far as Mareshah. Asa set his troops in battle array before him, in the valley of Zephathah. » (v. 8-10) « And the Ethiopians were entirely defeated, because it was Jehovah who smote them; Asa and the people of Judah and of Benjamin pursued them as far as Gerar and exterminated them. » (v. 12-13) This episode is all the more admirable in that it is a very long way from Ethiopia to Jerusalem. This army of five hundred and eighty thousand soldiers, furnished by two tribes only, is no less marvellous than that of a million invaders; but one asks oneself how the king of Egypt, Shishak or Sesostris, let this flood of barbarians pass across his territory... Unless the Ethiopians made the journey in balloons!... Another recompense was awarded by Papa Good God to his excellent friend Asa: « In the time of his old age, Asa was sick in his feet. » (Kings 15:23) Here the sacred author is sparing of explanations; this disease of the feet had evidently no other object than to increase the merits of the worthy Asa. At the end of the forty-first year of his reign, he fell asleep in the bosom of his fathers and left his place to his son Jehoshaphat (v. 25). 290. The virtuous Asa is tried by God in his old age. But let us see a little what was happening, on the other side, in the kingdom of Israel. — Nadab, son of Jeroboam « followed the train of his father and committed the same sins » (v. 26); his reign lasted only two years. A conspiracy of a certain Baasha, of the tribe of Issachar, cost him his throne and his life (1 Kings 15:27-28); naturally, Baasha proclaimed himself king; he reigned twenty-four years, during which he behaved, towards Sabaoth, quite as badly as Jeroboam and Nadab (1 Kings 15:33-34). It was then that Papa Good God, finding that this impiety was lasting too long, spoke to Jehu and informed him that he had just decreed the ruin of the family of Baasha. 291. God announces to Jehu that he is going to deal severely with the king of Israel. The latter, according to custom, died quietly in his bed, and it is his son Elah who, after a reign of two years, was assassinated by one named Zimri (1 Kings 16:10). 292. Zimri exterminates king Elah and his family. Zimri substituted himself for his victim, massacred the whole family of Baasha, « and he left not one alive, neither man, nor beast, of his kindred or of his friends » (v. 11). 293. The massacre extends even to Elah’s animals. — Zimri’s reign was short: seven days in all (1 Kings 16:15); Omri put himself at the head of a riot, and Zimri, whose part as a scourge of God was finished, killed himself (1 Kings 16:18). 294. Tragic end of Zimri the exterminator. Omri reigned twelve years (v. 23). « In the seventh year of his reign, Omri bought a mountain of a Hebrew, of the name of Shemer, for the price of two talents of silver; he built a city upon that mountain and called it Samaria in remembrance of Shemer » (v. 24). It was also about that time that Hiel, a native of Bethel, rebuilt the city of Jericho (v. 34). Note: these great kings of Israel, who had such formidable armies, did not possess one passable city before Samaria, Jericho and Shechem had been built. Jericho was an important stronghold against the irruptions of the Arabs and of the Syrians; thus, Joshua had acted as a very bad politician, when he destroyed it entirely, and on the other hand one sees that the anathema pronounced against Jericho was null, since it had been foretold that never should this city be raised from its ruins. Ah! here we are come to Ahab, the impious Ahab, son of Omri; with this prince, whose name is given to be cursed by the children who spell out sacred history, the Bible is going to become interesting again. It is now that we shall have to occupy ourselves also with the priceless prophet Elijah, that unique man who had no bread to eat upon the earth, and who went up to heaven in a chariot of fire drawn by horses likewise of fire. « Ahab reigned over Israel at Samaria, during twenty-two years, and he did all that is evil before the Eternal, more even than all those who had preceded him; and as if it had been a small thing for him to continue, aggravating them, the sins of Jeroboam, he took besides for wife Jezebel, daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians. » (v. 29-31) God had pardoned David his marriage with Bathsheba, whose husband he had assassinated: he had not looked with an unfavourable eye upon the marriage of Solomon and the daughter of the king of Egypt; but that Ahab should dare to marry Jezebel, daughter of the king of the Sidonians, there is what constituted an unpardonable crime! It is easy to understand that a king so impious was not going to content himself with mere golden calves for performing his sacrilegious devotions. In fact, « Ahab set up an altar to Baal, in a temple of Baal, which he caused to be built at Samaria; and he served Baal, and he prostrated himself before him. » (v. 32) That is not all, prepare yourselves to shudder again: « Ahab made a grove! and thus Ahab did yet worse than all the kings of Israel his predecessors to irritate Jehovah. » (v. 33) After that, it is beyond doubt that the royal husband of Jezebel was acting out of pure malice and that he took delight in putting Papa Good God into a rage. 295. Ahab, king of Israel, renders homage to Baal. A prophet out of the common run became therefore necessary, indispensable; it is Elijah the Tishbite whom the lord Sabaoth decreed to set against the arch-impious Ahab. « Elijah the Tishbite was one of those who had fixed their residence in Gilead. He betook himself unto king Ahab, and said unto him: As truly as the god of Israel is the living eternal, there shall not fall from heaven a drop of dew nor a drop of rain, unless I order it in the name of the almighty God. » (1 Kings 17:1) After which, Elijah, majestic, turns on his heels; but the Bible does not say how Ahab took this announcement. « Next, the lord Adonai addressed the word to Elijah, and said unto him: Get thee hence, withdraw thee towards the east, hide thyself in the torrent of Cherith, which is over against the Jordan; thou shalt drink the water of the torrent, and, as for the rest of thy food, it shall be provided there by ravens to whom I have given commandment. Elijah, very obedient to the Lord, departed therefore, and he established his dwelling in the ravines of the torrent of Cherith. Every morning, as well as every evening, ravens brought him bread and flesh; and he drank the water of the torrent. » (v. 2-6) 296. The prophet Elijah is fed by the ravens. This idea of feeding the saints by ravens has been imitated since in the history of the Fathers of the desert. A raven fed for sixty years the hermit Paul in a cavern of the Thebaid, it brought him every day the half of a loaf in its beak. Paul was only a hundred and thirteen years old, when the hermit Anthony, aged ninety, came to pay him a visit. Then the raven brought a whole loaf for the breakfast of the two saints; and this is very true, seeing that saint Jerome gives his word of honour for it. Let us return to Elijah. « But it came to pass, at the end of some days, that the torrent dried up, because it rained no more anywhere. Then the voice of Adonai made itself heard again to the prophet and said unto him: Now, go to Zarephath, which is near Sidon, and thou shalt dwell there; there is there a widow, whom I have commanded to nourish thee. He went therefore at once to Zarephath; and, as he arrived at the gate of the city, he perceived a woman who was gathering wood; Elijah saw plainly that she was a widow: that is wherefore he called her and said unto her: I pray thee, draw water in a pot, and give me to drink. The woman was going to fetch him water; but he called her back and he added: I pray thee, bring me also a morsel of bread. Then, she answered him: The Eternal thy God, who liveth, is my witness that I have not the least cake; I possess in all, in a vessel, a little meal, scarcely enough to fill my hand, and a little oil at the bottom of a cruse. I am come therefore to seek some sticks of wood, which I shall light to bake this remnant of meal; my son and I, we shall eat it, and afterwards there will remain to us nothing but to die. Elijah said unto her: Have confidence and do what I have told thee; prepare first for me a little loaf baked under the ashes, which thou shalt bring me; afterwards, thou shalt make for thyself and thy son as much as thou wilt; for the Eternal, god of Israel, hath decreed that the meal which is in thy vessel shall not diminish, nor the oil in thy cruse, until he shall have made it rain upon the earth. The widow went away therefore, did what Elijah had told her, and then lodged him in her house, and she ate with her son and him several days, without the meal or the oil coming to fail, according to the word which Jehovah had pronounced by the mouth of Elijah. » (v. 7-16) 297. Elijah’s miracles at the house of the widow of Zarephath. « Now, after these things, it came to pass that the son of the widow fell sick; and the sickness was so strong, that he expired. Then, this woman said unto Elijah: What is there between thee and me, man of God? Art thou come into my house to awaken before God the remembrance of my old sins and thus to cause my son to die? Elijah answered her: Give me thy son. He took him from the widow who held him pressed against her bosom; then, he carried him into the chamber where he lodged and laid him upon his bed. After which, he cried very loud unto the Eternal: Eternal my God, hast thou to this point afflicted this widow, that thou hast caused her son to die? And, having thus cried, he sat down upon the child and stretched himself at full length upon the corpse, three times, crying again: Eternal my God, I pray thee to make the soul of this child to enter again into his body! Then the Eternal heard the voice of Elijah and granted his prayer; the soul of the child entered again into the corpse, and the body became living again. And Elijah took the child by the hand and said unto his mother: Look, thy son liveth. And the widow answered Elijah: I know now that thou art a man of God and that in thy mouth the word of the Eternal is true. » (v. 17-24) 298. Elijah resuscitates the widow’s son by sitting upon him. It would seem, according to this last verse, that the widow was converted, for, being a Sidonian, she evidently practised the religion of the Phoenicians, and we have just seen that God, who had first placed his prophet among the heretics of the kingdom of Israel, withdrew him thence for the moment in order to make him go among the infidels. This prophet was full of sagacity, since he had guessed, at the first glance, that the woman who was gathering wood was a widow. It will perhaps have been thought astonishing that he began by asking for himself the only morsel of bread that remained to this woman, and it seems that the widow, although a believer in the false gods of Phoenicia, had more confidence in the word of an unknown man speaking to her in the name of the God of Israel than the prophet himself had confidence in his Jehovah; but that is only an appearance, the theologians will tell you: Elijah was trying this woman, and the miracle was accomplished in her favour, precisely because she did not hesitate to believe the prophet. If she had refused to give Elijah her last morsel of bread, there would have been no miracle, consequently; but in that case what God had announced to his prophet would therefore not have come to pass? Useless to go deeper into it; it is precisely the speciality of the supernatural to be incomprehensible. What better deserves examination is the fact of the miracles which Jehovah accomplished among the peoples who did not practise his worship and who did not adopt it, after having been witnesses of these marvels. In fact, it is not formally stated that the widow of Zarephath embraced the Jewish religion. This observation has allowed the critics to recall that all the peoples of antiquity acknowledged a supreme God who communicated a part of his power to those whom he wished to favour, now to magi of Egypt, now to magi of Persia or of Babylon, now to Samaritan heretics, to idolaters even, like Balaam; these critics add that each one kept his rites, his worship, his secondary gods, while adoring the universal God under a name which varied according to the country. This would explain how the pharaoh who saw the miracles of Moses acknowledged the power of God and did not change his worship, and how the widow of Zarephath could acknowledge the power of the Eternal invoked by Elijah, without becoming a Jewess for all that. It is of course understood that, by these observations, the critics by no means intend to admit the authenticity of these various histories of miracles; but they give the explanations which we have just reproduced, in order that one may realise the conditions under which these marvellous histories may have been invented. « In the third year of that time, Jehovah addressed anew the word to Elijah and said unto him: The moment is come to show thyself to Ahab; for I am going to give rain to the earth. » (1 Kings 18:1) The earth had therefore remained for three years without a drop of rain! « Elijah went away therefore to show himself to the king of Israel; now, there was a great famine at Samaria. » (v. 2) After three years of drought, that is conceivable; but why did the famine rage at Samaria rather than elsewhere? « And Ahab had called Obadiah, his steward. That Obadiah had a great fear of Jehovah; wherefore, at a time when Jezebel was having the prophets of Jehovah exterminated, he hid a hundred of them, whom he fed with bread and water, fifty in a cavern and fifty in a dried-up cistern. And Ahab had said unto Obadiah: We ought at least to save our horses and our mules, and, since the rain falleth no more, let us go unto all the fountains and unto all the torrents, and let us gather the grass that we shall find at the edge of the running waters, in order that the country be not depopulated of beasts. And they divided the kingdom between them to explore it, going each on his own side; Ahab took by one road, and Obadiah went by another road. » (1 Kings 18:3-6) One does not readily picture this king quitting his palace to go and gather grass and then come back to furnish the racks of his stables; it seems that he ought to have charged his servants with this task. But it may be answered that it is understood that, in the face of the frightful destitution which had been the inevitable result of three years without a drop of rain, king Ahab had dismissed all his household and had kept none but his steward. The most extraordinary thing was that there should still be fountains, torrents, rivers: the meadows no longer existed, that is clear, for want of rain; but, in the absence of all water from heaven, how did the springs feed themselves? It is quite amusing to think that the devout, who read the Bible and who have faith in it, put none of these questions to themselves. Let us pass on. Obadiah, while searching for grass, meets Elijah, before whom he prostrates himself and who tells him to announce his approaching visit to Ahab. This proposal singularly troubles Obadiah, who makes to himself the following reasoning: « What! Elijah, thou invitest me to go and say unto the king my master: Behold Elijah who is about to come. But it will come to pass that scarcely shall I have departed from beside thee, the Eternal will transport thee into some hidden place which I shall not know; then, I, I shall have announced thy visit to Ahab, and, as thou wilt be found nowhere, Ahab will believe that I have mocked him, and he will kill me. » (v. 12) One sees that the good fellow Obadiah feared Jehovah to the point of mistrusting even a hoax. Fortunately, Elijah reassured him and engaged himself, in the name of the Eternal, to show himself within twenty-four hours to king Ahab. (1 Kings 18:15) « Ahab, having been informed by Obadiah, came to meet Elijah, and, as soon as he saw him, he said unto him: Art thou not he who troubleth Israel? But Elijah answered him: It is not I who trouble Israel; it is thou and the house of thy father, since ye have forsaken Adonai to adore Baal. But do what I am going to tell thee: order all the people of Israel to assemble before me upon the mountains of Carmel, and cause to come thither also the four hundred and fifty priests of Baal, and the four hundred prophets of the groves who eat at the table of thy wife Jezebel. Ahab assembled therefore upon Carmel all the children of Israel and all the prophets. Then, Elijah said with a loud voice unto the people: How long will ye halt on both sides? If Jehovah be god, adore him; but if it be Baal, ye owe him your adorations. And the people answered not a single word. » (1 Kings 18:16-21) « Then Elijah said again: I am remained the only prophet of Jehovah, whilst the prophets of Baal are here four hundred and fifty. Well then, let two oxen be brought. The prophets of Baal shall choose one of them; let them put it in pieces, let them place it above a heap of wood, but without setting fire thereto; and I, I will do the same for the other ox. Invoke all of you the name of your gods, and I will invoke the name of mine. Let the god who shall answer by fire be henceforth your god. Everybody answered him: Excellent proposal! And Elijah invited the priests of Baal to sacrifice at their choice one of the oxen which were brought; he said expressly: Above all set not fire to your heap of wood. » (1 Kings 18:22-25) « The prophets of Ahab prepared therefore their ox as had been agreed, and they invoked Baal from the morning until noon, crying out: Baal, answer us! But there was of Baal neither voice nor answer. And those prophets leaped over their heap of wood. When it was noon, Elijah mocked them, in these terms: Cry louder, since Baal is a god; but he hath perhaps some other business which occupieth him, or else he is at the tavern, or again he is travelling; perhaps also, it may be that he sleepeth at this moment; fear not therefore to cry too much to draw him out of his slumber. Wherefore those prophets cried with all their strength; they made also in their flesh incisions according to their rite with knives and lancets, until they were covered with blood. » (1 Kings 18:26-28) 299. The priests of Baal challenged to perform a miracle. The critics point out that mount Carmel was on the territory of the Sidonians, and that the kingdom of Sidon was distinct from that of Israel, since it is said above that Jezebel was the daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians. It is not admissible that Ahab’s subjects should have gone to assemble at a point situated in another kingdom, in order to be present at the experiment demanded by Elijah. Mount Carmel therefore figures in this account only through the effect of a geographical error of the divine pigeon. The critics say further that, if one is willing to believe in the reality of this episode and to take it just as it is narrated, it results from it with evidence, from the unanimous and sudden acceptance which the Israelites make of Elijah’s offer, that they were of good faith; it is no less evident that their priests, reputed false prophets according to the Bible, had as much confidence in their god Baal as Elijah in Jehovah, since they gave themselves knife-thrusts and made their blood flow in order to obtain the fire from heaven. But it is more fitting to retain of such accounts, so ridiculously fanciful, only certain established facts, interesting for the history of the Jewish people, and these established facts are those which remain, once one has disengaged the biblical anecdotes from their framework of more or less marvellous miracles. It results therefore quite simply from this that the people of Israel and the people of Judah worshipped the same god under different names. Israel had golden calves; but Judah had its golden oxen, placed by Solomon in the sanctuary before Shishak came to pillage Jerusalem and the temple. It is clear, from the text, that Israel did not in reality worship its calves, since it worshipped only Baal. Now, this word Bal, Bel, Baal, signified « the Lord », like Adonai, Eloa, Sabaoth, Shaddai, Jehovah. The rites, the sacrifices were entirely the same; the interests alone were different. Israel’s heresy therefore consisted only in this, that the Israelites did not wish to carry their money to Jerusalem, of which the tribe of Judah was in possession. « When noon was past and the prophets of Baal had exhausted themselves in vain efforts, then Elijah re-established the altar of Adonai, taking twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Jacob; then, he made a trench all around, arranged his wood upon the stones, killed his ox and cut it into pieces, which he disposed above his wood, without the least fire. And he caused to be poured upon his wood twelve pitchers of water, so that not only was the wood wetted, but moreover the water ran into the trench and filled it altogether. Then, Elijah cried out: Adonai! god of Abraham, of Isaac and of Jacob! behold the day when it must be known that thou art the god of Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that it is by thine order that I have done all this! Hear me, Eternal, hear me! Scarcely had he finished his invocation, when the fire of Adonai came down from heaven and devoured at a single stroke the pieces of the ox, the wood, the stones of the altar, and even all the water which was in the trenches. At this sight, the people of the multitude stretched themselves upon the ground, their faces against the soil, crying: Yea, Adonai is god! yea, Adonai is god! 300. Jehovah performs for Elijah the miracle bungled by Baal. Then, Elijah, having caused them to rise, said unto them: Now, seize the prophets of Baal and the prophets of the groves, and let not a single one of them escape! And the people having taken them, Elijah led them to the torrent of Kishon, where he ordered their death, and all without exception perished there. » (v. 29-40) 301. The priests of Baal thrown into the torrent of Kishon. Some learned men maintain that Elijah is nothing but an allegorical personage, that there never was an Elijah. But, if Elijah existed, the critics say that never was a Jew more barbarous, seeing that, according to the text itself, the priests of Baal were as devout to their god as he to his, and that their faith was as great as his. They were faithful to their god and to their king: there was therefore a horrible injustice in inflicting death upon them. And how did the king of Israel tolerate their execution? That was to condemn himself!... Moreover, Elijah ought, in good logic, to have hoped that the unheard-of miracle of the lightning which came, in serene weather, to burn instantaneously his ox, his wood, his stones and the water of his trenches, would give these heretical priests food for thought and would infallibly convert them. He ought therefore to have carried the strayed sheep upon his shoulders; he ought to have willed the repentance of sinners and not their death. After the drowning of the priests of Baal in the torrent of Kishon, « Elijah said unto Ahab: Go up, eat and drink, for the noise of a great rain is heard. » (v. 41) We have not forgotten that, for three years, all the nations of the earth, and that of Israel in particular, had been awaiting with keen desire the benefit of a rain. Elijah was therefore announcing happy news to Ahab; but he was fibbing when he said that the noise of a downpour was to be heard, for nothing at all was to be heard, as results from the following verses. « Ahab went up therefore to the summit of the mountain, to eat and to drink, and Elijah also climbed the summit of Carmel. Then, Elijah prostrated himself so deeply that he held his face between his knees. » (v. 42) Perhaps the prophet had been a clown in his youth. « Then, Elijah said: Look now toward the sea. The other looked and answered: I see nothing. Elijah went on: Well then! turn thyself even seven times to look at the sea which is yonder. At the seventh time, the other said: I perceive far off a little cloud, which is no bigger than the fist of a man, and that cloud riseth from the sea. Elijah said unto Ahab: Now, leap promptly upon a chariot, and go down the mountain at full speed, in order that the torrential rain which is coming may not surprise thee. Then, the heavens darkened, so much did the clouds heap up on all sides; the tempest began, and it set itself to raining in extraordinary quantities of water. Ahab mounted upon a chariot, and Elijah, having girded his loins with a well-tightened belt, ran before the chariot of Ahab; he ran thus as far as Jezreel, where the king set foot to the ground. » (1 Kings 18:43-46) The spectacle of this prophet, without an umbrella, running before the royal chariot with all the speed of his legs, cannot have lacked the picturesque. « But behold Ahab related to Jezebel how Elijah had caused all the priests of Baal to be put to death; and, after that, Elijah received a message from the queen, who declared unto him this: May my gods treat me with the utmost rigour, if to-morrow, at this same hour, I have not put thee in the same state wherein thou hast put the priests! On receiving this message, Elijah had his heart overwhelmed, and he fled in all haste as far as Beersheba; and he plunged very far into the desert. After a whole day of running, he stopped, very weary; he sat down under a broom-shrub, and there he asked God to take away his soul; he said: I have had enough of it, O my Lord! take my soul, I beseech thee. » (1 Kings 19:1-4) 302. Jezebel sends Elijah a message full of threats. Here, one is greatly astonished at two things: firstly, that queen Jezebel should have been foolish enough to warn Elijah, by message, that she had decreed to have him assassinated on the morrow, which gave him twenty-four hours to take the powder of decampment; secondly, nothing is more singular than the sudden cowardice of this fine fellow who, having the power to raise the dead and disposing at his will of the clouds and the lightning, had such a fine fright before the threats of a woman. « Now, Elijah, after his prayer, lay down and fell asleep under the broom-shrub. Then an angel shook him, crying unto him: Awake then and eat! Elijah rose and saw no one; but, beside him, there was a cake, come all hot from the oven, and a bottle of water. He ate thereof and drank, and he lay down again. But the angel shook him again, crying unto him: Eat all the cake, and drink all the bottle! And Elijah awoke. The angel said unto him then: Thou hast a long road to make; thou wilt not be able to accomplish it, if thou recover not thy strength. He rose therefore and finished the cake and the bottle; and, with the strength which that meal gave him, he walked without stopping during forty days and forty nights unto mount Horeb, the mountain of God. » (1 Kings 19:5-8) 303. Elijah, in the desert, is succoured by an angel. In dictating this cheering history to the sacred writer, the divine pigeon appears to have totally forgotten that, when he was dictating the account of the adventures of Moses, he represented to us the Hebrews marching thirty-eight years to get from mount Horeb to the neighbourhood of Beer-sheba. We seem to see a good devout woman who, struck by this contradiction, but not daring to doubt, would question her director of conscience. Do you suppose, by chance, that the confessor would be embarrassed? Oh! not a bit of it! A tonsured gentleman always knows what to answer to the credulous member of his flock. « From mount Horeb to Beer-sheba, he would pronounce with gravity, there is three hundred and forty-seven times more distance than from Beer-sheba to mount Horeb; that is why Moses marched thirty-eight years, and Elijah forty days, according to the divine word, which can neither deceive itself nor deceive us. » And the faithful member of the flock, asking for nothing more, will admire the Bible all the more in proportion as she finds it less comprehensible. However that may be as to the length of the road, it is fitting to regret that the angel of Beer-sheba did not write down somewhere the recipe for the cake which suffices for the nourishment of a tourist during forty days; and if he did not reveal it to Elijah, at least he ought to have revealed it to Tartarin, who, most assuredly, would have eaten of that girdle-cake before setting out upon his wondrous excursions. 304. The prophet Elijah sets out for mount Horeb. A journey which began in so marvellous a fashion evidently held in reserve for Elijah many another surprise. « Arrived at mount Horeb, the prophet of God entered into a cavern and passed the night there. The voice of Jehovah awoke him, towards morning, saying unto him: Elijah, what doest thou here? » (v. 9) Elijah had received from the angel no precise instruction; he knew that he was to betake himself to mount Horeb, but that was all. With what object this journey? he was absolutely ignorant of it. Papa Good God’s question was therefore a bizarre one. Nevertheless, Elijah answered, excusing himself on the subject of his flight: « Lord, the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, they have demolished thine altars, they have killed thy prophets, and I am remained I alone, and they seek my life to take it from me! » (v. 10) Let us note, in passing, that Elijah tells a fib to the lord Jehovah: it is not the children of Israel that he is afraid of, it is Mme Jezebel, of whom he says nothing. The children of Israel have just thrown, in order to be agreeable to him, all the priests of Baal into the torrent of Kishon; he has hardly to dread them! The apostasy which he recalls, why, that is ancient history! The people, witnesses of the miracle worked upon Carmel, have cried: Long live Adonai! Jehovah knows, as well as Elijah, the turn-about which has manifested itself in his favour. Truly, Elijah is speaking to say nothing. Jehovah does not trouble himself about this answer. He resumes: « Go forth, said Jehovah unto Elijah, and stand upright upon the mountain; for I am going to pass. Then, there arose a wind very impetuous which uprooted the trees and clave the rocks, and mount Horeb heaved in violent shocks, so much that the stones were torn away and broke one against another; but Jehovah was not in that earthquake. » (v. 11) Picture to yourself Elijah upon that mountain which sets to dancing; one would have paid dear to see that from afar with a spy-glass. 305. Mount Horeb starts dancing at God’s approach. And it was not finished! « After the earthquake, the mountain whereon Elijah found himself took fire on all sides; but Jehovah was not in the flames. After the fire, there was the whistling of a little wind, soft and subtle. » (v. 12) 306. Continuation of Elijah’s emotions: the mountain catches fire. Do not laugh: God was in the little wind. « Immediately, Elijah wrapped his face in his mantle, and Jehovah said unto him, with a thundering voice: Elijah, what doest thou here? » (v. 13) The prophet repeats his answer of a moment ago, word for word. « But the Eternal said unto him: Begin again all the road that thou hast made, return and get thee to Damascus. There, thou shalt anoint Hazael for king over Syria. Thou shalt anoint also Jehu, grandson of Nimshi, to be king over Israel; finally, thou shalt see the herdsman Elisha, son of Shaphat, and thou shalt anoint him prophet in thy place. And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall escape the sword of Hazael shall be killed by Jehu, and that whosoever shall escape the sword of Jehu shall be put to death by Elisha. » (v. 15-17) No one has ever been able to explain this passage of the Bible, seeing that it is nowhere said that Elisha was anointed nor that he cut the throats of those who escaped the sword of Jehu. « Elijah departed therefore from mount Horeb, and later he met a man who was ploughing with twelve couples of oxen. It was Elisha. Then, Elijah passed near him without speaking to him and threw his mantle upon his shoulders. 307. Elijah takes Elisha to himself as a servant. Elisha left at once his oxen, ran after Elijah, and offered to follow him, as soon as he should have taken leave of his father and of his mother. » (v. 19-20) It was thus that Elisha became the servant of Elijah, without having been anointed in the least degree. 308. Continuation of the peregrinations of the prophet Elijah. Chapter 20 of the first book of Kings relates a war which the king of Syria, Ben-hadad, — another unknown, — declared upon the king of Israel under an uncommon pretext. This Ben-hadad, one fine morning, sent a messenger to Ahab to tell him: I mean to be the husband of thy wives and the father of thy children; give me therefore at once thy wives, thy children, and, at the same time, give me much silver and much gold (1 Kings 20:5). Ahab assembled the elders of Israel and said to them: I believe that this prince is making game of me. The elders answered him: Lord, hearken not to Ben-hadad, and acquiesce not in his demand. Ben-hadad, seeing his request repulsed, fell into a great rage and swore that all the earth of the capital of Israel would not hold in his hand. Declaration of war; terrible battle; triumph of Ahab, suddenly protected by Jehovah, one knows not why. 309. Ahab defeats the army of Ben-hadad, king of Syria. Ben-hadad takes refuge in the city of Aphek and hides himself « in the innermost closet of a house ». Nevertheless, he falls at last into the hands of Ahab, who, judging doubtless that he had to do with a madman, spares him. God repents of having given the victory to Ahab. It is no more interesting than that! 310. Ben-hadad saves his life by hiding in a closet. Here comes the well-known history of Naboth, proprietor of a vineyard at Jezreel, which vineyard was next to Ahab’s palace. The king makes to the good fellow Naboth proposals which would have seduced no matter which of our contemporaries. This vineyard, Ahab would like to buy it in order to turn it into a garden; he offers Naboth to pay him for it whatever he shall desire, without haggling, or, if Naboth prefers, to give him another vineyard of a far superior value. 311. Ahab proposes to Naboth to buy his vineyard from him. Naboth repulses the king’s overtures. He holds this vineyard from his father, and he means to keep it, though the devil were in it! Ahab, in the presence of this peasant’s obstinacy, is so mortified at his lack of success that he loses over it his drink and his food. Then Jezebel had Naboth stoned by rascals whose paw she had greased (‘whose paw she had greased’ — fr. ‘graisser la patte’, to bribe), she next advised Ahab to enter into possession of the coveted vineyard. These events provoked the intervention of Elijah, the mouthpiece of Jehovah. Ahab, having heard the threats uttered against him, tore his garments and no longer walked abroad, for some time, in his capital, without being clothed in sackcloth. (1 Kings 21) 312. Naboth, having refused, is slain by order of Jezebel. The circumstances which preceded the death of Ahab are worth the trouble of being related at full length, according to the sacred text: and, besides, one is not bored in reading chapter 22 of the first book of Kings which sets forth what took place not only upon earth, but in heaven as well, upon this subject. We have there a certain Micaiah, a prophet by trade, who is present at the great council held by Jehovah in the eternal kingdom, and who makes a report of it, in his quality of eye-witness; one cannot be more precise, you shall see! « Three years passed, without there being war between Syria and Israel. Then, Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, came to pay a visit to the king of Israel. » (1 Kings 22:1-2) It is well to know that Jehoshaphat, son of the virtuous Asa, was himself of an exemplary piety towards Jehovah; in the period of the kingdom of Judah, he, Jehoshaphat, and king Hezekiah, of whom there will be question further on, are cited by the priests as the two model monarchs. It is none the less true that the pious Jehoshaphat maintained with the impious Ahab the best relations of friendship; the idolatry of Ahab and Jezebel alarmed him so little, that he had asked of them and obtained the hand of their daughter Athaliah for his son Jehoram. Let us note, in passing, that queen Jezebel was very prolific, and we know, from the words of Jehovah to Abraham and to Jacob, that a numerous family is one of the best of divine blessings; Ahab and Jezebel, although idolaters, were therefore blessed by Jehovah, since they had (it will be seen further on) seventy-two sons, without counting the daughters, of whom Athaliah was the eldest. Behold then the pious Jehoshaphat on a visit to his fellow father-in-law Ahab. « The king of Israel said unto his officers: I have just remembered that the city of Ramoth-Gilead belongeth to us; wherefore do we not set ourselves to withdraw it from the hands of the king of Syria? » (v. 3) In fact, three years before, at the time of the war which he had had with Ben-hadad, king of Syria, Ahab had exterminated his enemies, and, after that extermination, he had not thought of laying hands again upon Ramoth-Gilead, an Israelite city! One cannot be more negligent. « And Ahab, turning also toward Jehoshaphat, said unto him: Wilt thou not come with me to the war to help me to retake Ramoth-Gilead? Jehoshaphat answered the king of Israel: Dispose of me as of thyself, and of my people as of thy people, and of my horses as of thy horses. » (v. 4) Eh! was he not obliging enough towards the impious Ahab, our pious king of Judah?... Nevertheless, in his quality of a devout man, Jehoshaphat advised that information should be sought of Jehovah, in order to know whether he would look favourably upon this expedition. « Jehoshaphat added: Nevertheless, I pray thee, enquire of the word of Jehovah. Then, the king of Israel caused about four hundred prophets to be called, and put to them this question: Shall I go to war against Ramoth-Gilead, or must I renounce retaking that city? The prophets answered: Go thither; for Jehovah will deliver the city into thy hands. » (v. 5-6) As one sees, prophets were not lacking among the Jews; eight hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and of the groves had been slain at the torrent of Kishon; at the end of three years, four hundred prophets of Jehovah were replacing them. Jehoshaphat found that this was not enough; he would have desired that not a single prophet should be absent from the consultation. That is why « Jehoshaphat asked: Would there not be yet some other prophet of Jehovah whom one might question? Ahab answered: Yea, there remaineth yet one; but I hate that man, because he never prophesieth anything good, when it is a question of me. It is Micaiah, son of Imlah. Jehoshaphat said unto the king of Israel: I pray thee, speak not thus; all the prophets of Jehovah must be respected. Then, Ahab called one of his officers and said unto him: Cause Micaiah to come in all haste. » (v. 7-9) « Now, the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, were seated each upon his throne, clothed in their finest garments, upon the great place which was near the gate of Samaria; and all the prophets prophesied in their presence. Then, the prophet Zedekiah, son of Chenaanah, put horns of iron upon his head and said: These horns shall smite Syria until she be destroyed; it is the very word of Jehovah. And all the prophets prophesied in like manner, saying to the two kings: Go up against Ramoth-Gilead, and ye shall be victorious; for Jehovah will deliver the city unto you. » (v. 10-12) It is pointed out that the prophet Zedekiah could predict agreeable things to the two kings, without putting two horns of iron upon his head. It would have been a fine spectacle, if all the other prophets and all the officers of the army had put on horns in order to give their opinion! The messenger who had been sent to Micaiah found this prophet disposed to come and promising to say exactly the word of Jehovah. Arrived before the two kings, he began by speaking like the others: Go up against Ramoth-Gilead, and ye shall be conquerors, the city shall be delivered to you by Jehovah (v. 13-14). This agreeable prophecy greatly astonished Ahab, coming as it did from Micaiah; and so he pressed him further. « The king of Israel said to him: Speak to me with truth, I conjure thee; how many times must I entreat thee for it? Come, tell me the word of Jehovah. And Micaiah answered him, this time: Well, I have seen Israel all scattered across the mountains, like a flock of sheep which hath lost its shepherd, and Jehovah, who was there, said: Now that they have no longer their master, let them return in peace, each one to his house. Then the king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat: Had I not warned thee that that one never predicteth anything good, when it concerneth me? » (v. 16-18) There remained to be cleared up why the other prophets had made favourable prophecies; for were the four hundred right against Micaiah, or Micaiah against the four hundred? Micaiah therefore took up the word again, and it is here that his account is above all admirable. « Hearken, said he to Ahab, to what I have seen with mine own eyes, and thou shalt know why thou hast been deceived by the other prophets. Jehovah admitted me to see him, when he was seated upon his throne, and I was present at the council which he was holding, having all the host of the heavens before him, as well as at his right hand and at his left. And Jehovah said: Who will undertake to persuade Ahab to go and fight against Ramoth-Gilead? who will make him believe that he shall be victorious? for, by deceiving him thus, his death shall be certain. One angel said it in one fashion, and another angel said it in another fashion. Then, an angel advanced even before the throne of Jehovah, and, standing upright, said unto God: I, I undertake to seduce the king of Israel. Jehovah said unto him: How then wilt thou set about it? The angel answered the Most High: I will go forth from hence and I will go down upon the earth; there, I will enter into all the prophets, and I will speak lies by their mouth; thus, Ahab will believe the prophets. And Jehovah said: This project is cleverly contrived to deceive Ahab; go, and thou shalt succeed entirely. After this account, Micaiah added: O king, learn by this that Jehovah hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all the other prophets; but this proveth to thee also that Jehovah hath pronounced a decree of evil against thee. » (1 Kings 22:19-23) Well, how do you find the anecdote? Is he not a fine success, this Jehovah who manoeuvres with his angels in order to deceive men? Lord Bolingbroke, in commenting upon this passage of the Bible, says that it is a bad imitation of an episode of the Iliad (book 2), where Jupiter, in quest of expedients for raising the glory of Achilles at the expense of Agamemnon, causes the latter to be deceived by a lying dream. « It may be, writes the English philosopher, that, the Jewish books having been written very late, the priest who compiled the Hebrew reveries imitated this reverie of Homer. For, in all the Bible, the god of the Jews is very inferior to the god of the Greeks: he is almost always beaten, he dreams of nothing but obtaining offerings, and his people are always dying of hunger. It is in vain that he is continually present and speaks himself, nothing is done of what he wills. If a temple be built for him, there cometh a Shishak, king of Egypt, who pillages it and carries all away. If he give wisdom to Solomon in a dream, this Solomon mocks him and forsakes him for other gods. If he give the promised land to his people, that people is a slave there from the death of Joshua unto the reign of Saul. There is no God nor people more unfortunate. The compilers of the Hebrew fables may say as much as they please that the Hebrews were never miserable except because they were always unfaithful; our Anglican priests could say as much of our Irishmen and of our highlanders of Scotland, very devout notwithstanding, though miserable. Nothing is easier than to say: If thou hast been beaten, if thou art in adversity, it is because thou hast not been religious enough; if thou gavest more money to the Church, thou wouldst be victorious, thou wouldst prosper. This infamous superstition is ancient; it hath gone round the earth; it hath been the watchword of the priests of all religions and hath served them to enrich themselves among all peoples at the expense of human stupidity. » But the prophets to whom Micaiah had given the lie bridled up; Zedekiah, the man of the iron horns, boxed Micaiah’s ear (1 Kings 22:24), and the latter was, into the bargain, put in prison (1 Kings 22:27). After which, Ahab set out to war in order to take back Ramoth-Gilead from the Syrians, and the king of Judah joined himself to him (1 Kings 22:29); which allows us to establish that the pious Jehoshaphat believed the four hundred prophets rather than the extraordinary Micaiah. However, according to the biblical account, it would seem that the king of Israel was not very reassured. « Ahab, having declared war, said unto Jehoshaphat: I am going to disguise myself to go to the combat; but thou, fail not to put on thy royal garments. And it was done so. » (v. 30) Ahab’s object was easy to understand, and one asks oneself what a dose of artlessness the excellent Jehoshaphat had, after the language of his fellow father-in-law. « Now, the king of the Syrians had given the following recommendations to the thirty-two captains of his chariots: Ye shall fight against no one whatsoever, neither small nor great, save against the king of Israel alone. It came to pass therefore that, as soon as those captains had seen Jehoshaphat, they ran at once against him, taking him for Ahab; but he cried out: I am not the king of Israel! Then, the captains turned aside from him. And behold that an arrow, gone forth from the bow of some one of the Syrians, reached Ahab with force and smote him between the joints of his cuirass. » (v. 31-34) Thus perished the husband of Jezebel; « he died towards evening, and the blood of his wound ran very abundantly. » (v. 35) The sacred author informs us that he had built « a house all of ivory » (v. 39), but without giving us any other details. 313. Death of the impious Ahab. Ahab had for successor his eldest son Ahaziah, whose short history is narrated in chapter 1st of the second book of Kings. This one begins with an accident: « one day, he fell through the window of his upper chamber, at Samaria, and he was very sick of it. » (v. 2) Given the total absence of explanations, we are reduced to supposing that this monarch must have been inclined to drunkenness and that he inhabited, one knows not why, the topmost storey of his palace; doubtless, on the evening of the accident, he was drunker than usual, and, if he went through his window, it is probable that he had opened it taking it for a cupboard. 314. Unfortunate accident befalling Ahaziah. The god of soaks had prevented Ahaziah from killing himself on the spot; nevertheless, the king was anxious to know whether he would recover from his malady. It was to Baal-Zebub (of whom Beelzebub has been made), a divinity worshipped at Ekron, that he applied in this circumstance; which scandalised Elijah in the highest degree. « An angel spake to the prophet and charged him to say unto the officers of the king: Is there then no god in Israel? wherefore go to consult the god of Ekron? Elijah repeated these words and added: Tell the king that he shall not come down from his bed, but that he shall die, since he hath made appeal to Baal-zebub. » (2 Kings 1:3-4) 315. Ahaziah goes to consult Baal-Zebub. The officers repeated to Ahaziah the words of Elijah, without being able to inform him exactly as to the identity of this prophet of misfortune. « Ahaziah said unto them therefore: How was that man made who came to meet you and who pronounced to you such words? And they answered him: He is a man very hairy, with a girdle of leather upon his loins. Then, the king cried out: It is Elijah! And immediately he sent unto him a captain and fifty soldiers; and as the prophet had established himself upon the summit of a mountain, the captain of the fifty men said unto him: Man of God, come down from thy mountain; we come to seek thee on the part of the king, who wisheth to see thee. Elijah answered the captain: If I be a man of God, let the fire of heaven consume thee, thee and thy fifty soldiers! Immediately, a clap of thunder burst forth, and the lightning devoured the captain and his fifty men. » (v. 7-10) 316. Elijah blasts Ahaziah’s soldiers with lightning. A second captain, likewise escorted by fifty soldiers, was sent to Elijah by Ahaziah; exact repetition of the preceding scene (2 Kings 1:11-12). Third dispatch of a captain. « This third captain of fifty men came therefore unto Elijah and put himself upon his knees before him, supplicating him thus: Man of God, the fire of heaven is come down at thy voice and hath consumed the two first captains and their fifty soldiers; but, now, let my life be precious to thee, I pray thee! Then, an angel of Jehovah said unto Elijah: Go down with this captain and have no fear. Elijah went therefore unto the king, and he said unto him: Because thou hast wished to consult Baal-zebub, god of Ekron, as though there were no God in Israel to consult his word, thou shalt not come down from thy bed, and thou shalt certainly die. Ahaziah died therefore, and, as he had no son, his brother Jehoram succeeded him; and Jehoram mounted upon the throne of Israel in the second year of the reign of Jehoram, king of Judah, son of Jehoshaphat. » (2 Kings 1:13-17) Lord Bolingbroke, commenting upon this episode, expresses himself thus: « This Elijah, who twice brings down the lightning upon two captains, and upon two companies of soldiers sent on behalf of his king, can only be a chimerical personage; for if he could thus fight with thunderbolts, he would infallibly have conquered the whole earth, merely by walking about with his servant. It is what was said every day to the sorcerers: If you are sure that the devil, with whom you have made a pact, will do everything you order him, why do you not order him to give you all the empires of the world, all the money and all the women? One might say likewise to Elijah: Thou hast just killed two captains and two companies of soldiers with thunderbolts, and thou fleest like a coward and like a fool, as soon as queen Jezebel threatens to have thee hanged! Couldst thou not blast Jezebel with lightning, as thou hast blasted these two poor captains? What impertinent contradiction makes of thee now a god and now a scullion? What man of sense can endure these detestable tales which make one laugh with pity and shudder with horror? » Moreover, one does not see the motive of this double blasting extermination. It is nowhere said, in the sacred text, that Ahaziah wished to have Elijah cast into prison; when the latter makes up his mind to come to the king who asks for him, he repeats to him his prophecy of ill omen and goes away quite tranquilly. Besides, if Ahaziah really had the intention of inflicting upon him the fate of Micaiah, there was no need to assassinate by fire from heaven a hundred and two perfectly innocent soldiers who were only obeying their orders; it would have sufficed to reduce them to impotence by a sudden and short-lived paralysis, which would have been quite as marvellous as the thunderbolts. On the other hand, on the subject of Ahaziah, of Jehoshaphat and of the two Jehorams, the divine book contains a material contradiction which it is well to point out; it is flagrant. It is said in the first book of Kings, chapter 22: « Jehoshaphat, son of Asa, had begun to reign over Judah, in the fourth year of the reign of Ahab, king of Israel. And Jehoshaphat was thirty-five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned twenty-five years at Jerusalem. » (v. 41-42) And further on, in the same chapter: « When Jehoshaphat slept with his fathers and was buried with them, his son Jehoram reigned in his place. » (v. 51) This Jehoram, king of Judah, is none other than the husband of Athaliah, daughter of Ahab. « And Ahaziah, son of Ahab, began to reign over Israel at Samaria, in the seventeenth year of the reign of Jehoshaphat, king of Judah; and he reigned two years over Israel. » (v. 52). One could not be clearer, more precise. Consequently, since the Bible tells us next that Ahaziah had no son and had for successor his brother Jehoram, it is mathematically evident that this Jehoram, king of Israel, mounted the throne in the nineteenth year of the reign of Jehoshaphat, that is to say while Jehoshaphat had still six years to live, or again six years before the accession of the Jehoram, king of Judah, son of Jehoshaphat and husband of Athaliah. It is therefore impossible to reconcile chapter 22 of the first book of Kings with chapter Ist of the second book, since here verse 17 has just told us: « Jehoram (brother and successor of Ahaziah) mounted upon the throne of Israel, in the second year of the reign of Jehoram, king of Judah, son of Jehoshaphat. » Since Jehoram of Judah succeeded his father Jehoshaphat eight years after the death of Ahab (according to verses 42, 51 and 52 of chap. 22), how could he already have had two years of reign, when his brother-in-law Jehoram of Israel succeeded Ahaziah, likewise his brother-in-law? There already is a stupefying contradiction. But wait!... A little further on, chapter III of this same second book of Kings begins thus: « In the eighteenth year of the reign of Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, Jehoram, second son of Ahab, began to reign over Israel at Samaria, and he reigned twelve years. » (v. 1) This time, one must pull up the ladder! The contradiction is threefold. This new verse reduces to one year the reign of Ahaziah, which verse 52 of chapter 22 (first book) fixed at two years; and the first contradiction (2 Kings 1:17) had, on the contrary, lengthened by eight years this reign of the monarch famous for his unexplained fall from a high window! Let no one reproach us with lingering to throw into relief these so gross blunders of the sacred writer. They show the don’t-care-ism (‘don’t-care-ism’ — fr. ‘j’m’en-fichisme’, a familiar coinage from ‘je m’en fiche’, ‘I don’t care a rap’: utter and careless indifference) of the priests who manufactured this stupid, horrible and obscene Bible, and who did not even take the trouble to read themselves over! However, a great miracle was in the air. « In that time, Jehovah was preparing to take up Elijah in a whirlwind; then, Elijah and Elisha were coming from Gilgal. And Elijah said unto Elisha: Remain here, I pray thee; for God sendeth me as far as Bethel. But Elisha answered: As truly as God liveth and as thy soul is not dead, I will not quit thee. Thus they went down to Bethel. There were there sons of prophets; they came unto Elisha and said unto him: Knowest thou not that to-day Jehovah is going to take up thy master? He answered: I know it as well as ye; but say nothing of it to any one. Then, Elijah said unto him: Elisha, I pray thee, go no further; for I must get me away to Jericho whither God sendeth me. Elijah answered again: As truly as God liveth, etc. They betook themselves therefore to Jericho. There also there were sons of prophets; they came unto Elisha and said unto him: Knowest thou not that to-day (as above; and the same answer of Elisha). Then, Elijah said unto him: Grant me this, to remain here; for God sendeth me as far as the Jordan. Elisha answered: As truly as God liveth and as thy soul is not dead, no, I will not quit thee. Thus, they went away further, both journeying together. And fifty men from among the sons of the prophets came, and they stood over against them, afar off; and they, they stopped near the Jordan. » (2 Kings 2:1-7) « Then, Elijah took his mantle and smote the waters of the river with it; they divided, and they passed over dry-shod. 317. Elijah divides the waters of the Jordan with strokes of his mantle. When they were passed over, Elijah said unto Elisha: Ask me what thou wilt, before I be taken up from thee. Elisha answered him: Well then! grant that I may have of thy spirit as much as two persons could possess thereof. Elijah resumed: Thou hast just asked something very difficult; now therefore, if when I shall be in the air thou see me, it is that thy request shall have been satisfied; but, if thou see me not, it is that thy request shall not have been granted. 318. Elijah’s farewells to his faithful Elisha Now, as they continued their road, whilst talking, behold that a chariot of fire appeared, with horses likewise of fire. They found themselves then separated one from the other. And Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind. » (2 Kings 2:8-11) « And Elisha, watching him go up, cried: My father! my father! chariot of Israel and its horsemen! Then, he saw him no more; then, taking his garments, he tore them from top to bottom into two pieces. After which, he covered himself with the mantle of Elijah, which from heaven had fallen upon him, and he returned toward the Jordan. 319. Elijah, carried up to heaven, throws his mantle to Elisha. Arrived at the edge of the river, he stopped, and, stripping himself of the mantle of Elijah, he set himself to smite the waters therewith; but they divided not. Then Elisha said: Well, where then is the god of Elijah, the Eternal himself? And, having smitten a second time the waters, they divided to the right and to the left, and Elisha passed over dry-shod. » (2 Kings 2:12-14) A few questions arise quite naturally: — Since Jehovah had resolved to take Elijah up to heaven alive in flesh and bone, as he formerly did for Enoch, why impose upon him first that walk, empty of any action whatsoever, from Gilgal to Bethel, from Bethel to Jericho, and from Jericho to the Jordan? why, moreover, make him cross the Jordan? could not the chariot of fire, in which Elijah mounted, have carried him off just as well on the right bank as on the left bank of the river? — What is this dose of Elijah’s spirit which Elisha asks for? and finally did Elisha get what he asked for? for the text says plainly that Elisha at first watched Elijah at the moment of his departure into the air, but it adds, immediately after his bizarre cries, that he saw him no more; one is therefore left uncertain. — Since the theologians represent to us as the perfect state that of the pure spirits who, according to them, people the celestial kingdom, since nothing is more admirable than a soul living in paradise, disengaged from all matter, does not the double case of Enoch and Elijah formally contradict this thesis? and, besides, of what use up there can their material body be to that patriarch and that prophet, in the domain of the infinite, supernatural and immaterial? in what respect is the glory of Enoch and Elijah, by this fact, greater than that of the other elect, since the inhabitants of the other world would be none the better for it, whether they have or have not a form, a human body? Thus, now, when Elijah and Moses converse together in heaven, it is therefore a conversation between a soul without a body, expressing itself by thought alone, and an animated body, speaking with its mouth, emitting sounds, while its interlocutor, a pure spirit, emits none? Finally, this chariot of light, these horses of fire, this whirlwind in the air, this very name of Elijah (helios, sun) have made lord Bolingbroke and Boulanger think that the adventure of Elijah is nothing but an imitation of that of Phaethon, who seated himself in the chariot of the sun. Now, the fable of Phaethon was originally Egyptian, and it is at least a moral fable which shows the dangers of ambition. But what does Elijah’s chariot signify? The Jewish writers, says lord Bolingbroke, are never anything but coarse and clumsy plagiarists. Behold then Elisha the heir of Elijah’s mantle and of a part of his spirit, at the very least, if he has not the double dose demanded. The sons of the prophets prostrate themselves before him (2 Kings 2:15); at Jericho, he makes the waters of the city wholesome for ever, by throwing into them a handful of salt (2 Kings 2:19-22). 320. Elisha becomes a prophet in his turn. Elisha was to distinguish himself still further. « Thence he betook himself to Bethel, and, as he was climbing the road which was of a steep ascent, some little boys mocked him, crying unto him: Go up, baldhead! go up, baldhead! 321. The urchins of Bethel mock Elisha. Elisha, turning round, cursed them, in the name of Jehovah. Then, two bears came forth from a forest and devoured forty-two of those little boys. » (v. 23-24) 322. The bears that avenge the prophet. « If this history were true, says lord Bolingbroke again, Elisha would resemble a servant who has just made his fortune and who has punished whoever laughs in his nose. What! execrable servant of a priest, thou wouldst have forty-two innocent children devoured by bears, for having called thee bald! Fortunately, there is no forest in the neighbourhood of Bethel, and there are no bears in Palestine; that country is too hot. The absurdity of this tale makes the horror of it disappear. » One may add that, to have devoured twenty-one urchins in a few mouthfuls, these two famished bears had doubtless come, if not out of a forest, at least out of a Hebrew bar where they had just swallowed a formidable apéritif. Chapter 3 of the second book of Kings, after having represented to us the good king Jehoshaphat as still alive, contrary to what is said in chapter 1st, tells us that the sieur Mesha, king of the Moabites, had paid to Israel, down to the death of Ahab, an annual tribute of a hundred thousand lambs and a hundred thousand sheep « with their wool ». At the accession of Ahaziah, the sieur Mesha thought fit to discharge his tribute no longer; but Jehoram, on succeeding his brother upon the throne of Israel, hastened to claim the Moabite lambs and sheep. Refusal of Mesha, and behold Jehoram opening the campaign, supported by two allies, Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, and the king of Idumea. « But after having journeyed during seven days, they had no more water either for their army or for their beasts. Then, the king of Israel, Jehoram, said: Alas! alas! the Lord hath gathered us here, three kings together, to deliver us into the hands of Moab. But king Jehoshaphat said in his turn: Would there not be hereabouts some prophet of Adonai, that we may consult Adonai by him? One of the servants of Jehoram answered: Yes, there is here the herdsman Elisha, son of Shaphat, who was the servant of Elijah. And Jehoshaphat said: That man possesseth the word of Jehovah. Then Jehoram, king of Samaria, Jehoshaphat, of Jerusalem, and the king of Idumea went to find Elisha. » (v. 9-12) Let us note that the son of Ahab and the king of Idumea did not profess the worship of Jehovah; which makes lord Bolingbroke say: « If one saw three kings, the one a papist and the two others protestants, going together to a capuchin to obtain rain, what would be said of such an imbecility? And if a brother capuchin wrote such a tale in the annals of his order, would one not agree upon the truth of the proverb: Proud as a capuchin? » « Elisha said unto the king of Israel: What is there between me and thee? and wherefore goest thou not to consult the prophets of thy mother Jezebel? Jehoram answered: No, it is from thee that I must know whether Jehovah, thy god, hath gathered us, us three kings, to deliver us into the hands of the Moabites. Then, Elisha said unto him: As Adonai-Sabaoth liveth! if I had not great respect for the face of king Jehoshaphat, I would not so much as have listened to thee, and I would not have deigned to look at thee. Now, let a musician be brought me with his instruments of music. And, the musician having made his music, a spirit of prophecy, sent by Jehovah, entered into Elisha. » (v. 13-15) It is vexatious that the sacred author does not tell us what were those instruments whose music was necessary to enable the successor of Elijah to prophesy. « Then, Elisha said: On the part of Jehovah, I announce to you that ditches must be dug at once in this valley; ye shall see neither wind nor rain, and nevertheless this valley shall be filled with waters, whereof ye shall drink, ye and your beasts. This prodigy shall cost Jehovah little; but he shall do yet more for you: he shall deliver you the Moabites. And Jehovah ordaineth you, by my mouth, to destroy after the victory all their strong cities and all their principal cities; ye shall cut down all their fruit-trees, ye shall stop up all their fountains, and ye shall cover with stones all their fields. » (v. 16-19) Under these conditions, specified by Papa Good God, one no longer sees thenceforth what use the victory could be; for the Israelites had declared war upon the Moabites solely in order to oblige them to give them every year a hundred thousand lambs and a hundred thousand sheep, as in the past. The triumph, being followed by a complete devastation, therefore left them for ever deprived of the coveted tribute. « On the morrow of that prophecy, it came to pass, in the morning, that waters were seen coming flowing upon the road of Idumea, so that all the ditches which had been dug were filled therewith. » (v. 20) The second part of the prophecy was realised like the first: the Moabites, having given the assault to the camp of Israel, were shamefully beaten. « The Moabites fled, and the Israelites, pursuing them, entered into their country and killed them. And they destroyed their cities; and each one brought stones and threw them into the best fields, so that nothing was seen any more but pebbles; and they stopped up all the fountains and cut down all the fruit trees, until nothing was left but the stones at Kir-hareseth, which the slingers surrounded and vanquished. The king of the Moabites saw then that he was not the stronger; wherefore he chose the seven hundred of his soldiers who handled the sword best, and, putting himself at their head, he wished to reach even unto the king of Idumea; but he could not push as far as that. Then, he told his eldest son to go up upon the top of a wall; it was that eldest son who was to reign in his place; and king Mesha went up also upon the wall, and there he threw himself upon his son and cut his throat. That action caused such horror to the Israelites, that they withdrew at once from the country which they had invaded and returned, some to Jerusalem, others to Samaria. » (2 Kings 3:24-27) As an idiotic history, I believe that this one may be placed in the first rank; it necessitates no commentary. Elisha is shown to us next, bringing out fresh editions of Elijah’s miracles, with slight variants. Thus, he meets (the Bible does not say where) the widow of a son of a prophet, who is desolate because her deceased husband has left her debts, and, as she cannot pay them, the creditors wish to take her two children and sell them as slaves (2 Kings 4:1). Elisha asks the widow to declare to him what she possesses. The widow answers: Thy handmaid has nothing but a pot of oil in all her house (2 Kings 4:2). That is all Elisha needs, he therefore commands the widow to go and borrow from all her neighbours their empty pots, whatever they may be: then, to shut herself up at home with her children and to pour the oil of her pot into the other vessels. The miracle may be guessed: the widow’s pot becomes inexhaustible. The good woman, filled with wonder, goes back to Elisha, to thank him, and « the man of God said unto her: Make thyself a seller of oil; for thou hast now oil whereof the sale shall serve thee to pay thy debt, and even thou and thy sons shall live upon what shall remain. » What is most remarkable in this miracle is not its resemblance to that of Elijah in favour of the widow of Zarephath; it is that Elisha no longer needed music to work it. « A certain day, Elisha, passing through the village of Shunem, remarked there a woman, a very rich proprietress and very obliging; this woman invited him, with the most lively entreaties, to dine at her house; that is wherefore, each time that Elisha came to Shunem, he stopped at this woman’s house to take his meal there. 323. Elisha invited to dine by the Shunammite. Now, the rich Shunammite was married, and she said unto her husband: I am certain that this man, who consenteth to eat at our house, is a holy man of God. Let us give him, I pray thee, a chamber in the house, on the upper storey; we will put him a bed, a table, a seat and a lamp, that he may be able to lodge under our roof when henceforth he shall come to visit us. 324. The Shunammite persuades her husband to give a chamber to Elisha. It came to pass therefore that the first day that Elisha returned to Shunem, this woman offered him the chamber which she had prepared, and Elijah rested there. Then, he said unto Gehazi, his servant: Cause this Shunammite to come up unto me. And she came. Then, Elisha said unto Gehazi: Ask this woman, who taketh so much care of us, what she willeth that I do for her; for example, whether she have some business for which I might speak in her favour to the chief of the army or even to the king in person. She answered: I have need of no protection, for I dwell in the midst of the Shunammites, who are all very devoted to me. Elisha resumed, addressing himself to Gehazi: We must, nevertheless, recompense her for all her cares for us; what then should be done for her which might be agreeable to her? Gehazi answered him: Is that a thing to be asked? seest thou not that she hath no child and that her husband is old? (Sic) Elisha caused her therefore to come back into the chamber. Then, he said unto her: The year which cometh, in this same season, thou shalt embrace a son. 325. Elisha announces to the Shunammite that she shall have a son. Then, she answered him: O good lord, man of God, may heaven grant that thou hast not lied to thy handmaid! That woman conceived therefore and bore a son at the end of the year. » (2 Kings 4:8-17) One peculiarity strikes one at once in this account: Elisha, as soon as he is lodged and fed by a devout woman, no longer poses as being on bad terms with the king (Shunem, at the foot of mount Gilboa, in the tribe of Issachar, formed part of the kingdom of Israel); in his eagerness to make himself agreeable, Elisha offers his services with Jehoram, as if he were one of his favourites, and it is this same king Jehoram to whom he was insolently declaring a moment ago that he did not deign either to look at him or to speak to him!... It will also have been noticed that the text does not say expressly that it was the prophet who got this devout woman with child; but the author allows it to be suspected. Nothing indicates that the old husband recovered the necessary strength. However, in the sequel of the history, the good fellow is qualified as a « father »; but was he a father after the fashion of saint Joseph?... (‘a father after the fashion of saint Joseph’ — fr. ‘père à la mode de saint Joseph’, a father in name only, not the child’s begetter) « The child, being become grown, went to play among the reapers. Now, one morning when he had gone to find his father again in the fields of corn, this child said all at once: My head! my head! His father caused him at once to be carried to his mother by a servant. The mother took the child upon her knees and held him there until noon; at that moment, he died. Then, this woman went up into the upper chamber, laid the child upon the bed of the prophet, and went out, after having well shut the door. Then she cried unto her husband: Send me one of thy servants and a she-ass, and I will go to the man of God; then, I will return. Her husband said unto her: Wherefore goest thou unto him to-day? It is neither the new moon, nor the sabbath. She answered: All goeth well. She caused therefore the she-ass to be saddled and set out with the servant. Thus, she came unto the man of God, upon mount Carmel; and as soon as Elisha perceived her afar off, he said unto Gehazi: Behold the Shunammite. And he added: Go in all haste to meet her, and ask her whether she, her husband and her child are well. And she answered: Well. Then, she came unto the man of God upon the mountain and embraced his feet. Gehazi drew near to push her back; but Elisha said unto him: Let her alone, for her heart is grieved; and Jehovah hath hidden it from me. Then, the Shunammite said: My good lord, I asked thee not a son, and when thou didst announce me one, I wished not to be deceived by thee. Elisha said unto Gehazi: Put on thy girdle, take my staff in thy hand and get thee gone; if thou meet any one upon thy road, salute him not, and if any one salute thee, answer him not; then thou shalt lay my staff upon the face of the little boy, to raise him again. The mother said unto Elisha: I will not leave thee here; I will take thee with me. And he rose and followed her. Now, Gehazi, having gone before them and walking very fast, arrived first at Shunem; he laid the staff upon the face of the little boy, but the child stirred not at all, and speech and feeling came not back to him. He returned therefore upon his steps, to meet Elisha to whom he said: I have done what thou hast ordered me; but the child hath not awaked, he is still dead. » (2 Kings 4:18-31) One asks oneself here why Elisha sent his servant to resuscitate the child with his staff, since he well knew, in his quality of a prophet, that Gehazi would not resuscitate him. One asks oneself why he ordered him to salute nobody on his road: it is clear that it was in order to go faster; but why run so fast in order to do nothing? Here indeed is a deal of useless play-acting! « Elisha entered therefore in his turn into the house; and behold, the little boy was dead and lying in his bed. He shut the door of the chamber upon himself, and he prayed unto Jehovah. Then, he went up upon the bed, lay down upon the child, put his mouth upon that of the child, his eyes upon his eyes, his hands upon his hands, and he stretched himself upon him; then, the flesh of the little boy began to grow warm. But Elisha remained not constantly upon the body of the child: he quitted the chamber and went about the house, now here, now there; then, he went up again from time to time and stretched himself anew upon the child. At last, the little boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes. Then, Elisha called Gehazi and said unto him: Cause the mother to come up. And, she being come, he delivered to her her son in very good health. The Shunammite threw herself at the feet of the prophet, prostrated herself with her face against the ground; then, she took her child and went away. » (v. 32-37) The critics make game of this miracle of Elisha’s, which is distinguished from that of Elijah only by the superabundance of contortions. But the theologians say that there is a mystical meaning here; to wit, that one must proportion oneself to the little ones in order to do them good. There are even Fathers of the Church who have gone deeper still into this episode; according to them, nothing is more important than the incident of the staff which, in the hands of Gehazi, could not work the miracle, whose success was reserved to Elisha alone: Gehazi and the staff represent the Synagogue, whom God does not permit to resuscitate humanity; Elisha, on the contrary, figures the Roman Church, with whom everything succeeds for making the happiness of the peoples, as everybody knows. With Elisha, we have not finished laughing. « The prophet returned from Shunem to Gilgal and found the famine in the country. » Again and always the famine! and proof, always, that this fine land of Canaan, with its bare mountains, its caverns, its precipices, its lake of Sodom, and its desert of sand and pebbles was not altogether so fertile as Papa Good God had caused it to be announced to his people by the voice of Moses! « Elisha saw the sons of the prophets, seated in a ring upon the ground and having nothing to eat. Then, he said unto Gehazi: Put there a great pot; for we are going to make a good pottage for the sons of the prophets. After which, he sent his servant into the fields to gather there what he should find. Gehazi went and brought back wild colocynths in great quantity; and no one knew what it was. And Elisha caused all those colocynths, cut in pieces, to be put into the pot which was upon the fire, in the midst of the sons of the prophets. » The colocynth is a sort of small gourd, extremely bitter, which was formerly employed in medicine as a purgative, but which has been given up, because it had far too bad a taste. One sees by that the fine soup which Elisha was having got ready for his friends of Gilgal. « That pottage was therefore served up, and some of the sons of the prophets set themselves to eating of it; but, from the first mouthfuls, they spat and cried unto Elisha: Man of God, thou hast put death in that pot! And they all refused to eat thereof. Then, Elisha said: Let a little meal be given me. He threw three pinches of meal into the pot, and he said: The people shall eat of this pottage; let it be distributed to them. And the men of the people ate willingly; for that which came out of the pot of Elisha was become very good. » (2 Kings 4:38-41) « Now, there came a man of Baal-shalisha who brought to the prophet the first-fruits of his harvest, namely, twenty loaves of barley and grain in the ear with its straw. Elisha said: let that be distributed to this people, that all may eat to their appetite. But Gehazi answered him: How wilt thou that this be distributed? even in dividing it very small; there is not wherewith to give thereof to a hundred persons. Elisha resumed: Give, I tell thee, give to this people, and let them eat; for the Eternal maketh known to me that they shall eat and that there shall be some left over. The bread was therefore distributed to the people, and each one took from the heap, and there was always bread for those who presented themselves afterwards; they all ate to their appetite, and they left much thereof. » (2 Kings 4:42-44) 326. First edition of the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. What is most remarkable in this miracle is that it was, later on, imitated by the Christ; but then, Elisha, being dead and buried long since, could not bring an action for infringement against the son of Mary. Chapter 5 is devoted to the history of Naaman, another of those personages supposedly very well known, according to the Bible, but of whom no historian has spoken. « In that time, there lived Naaman, general-in-chief of the armies of Syria, a man very powerful with his king, and who was much honoured in his country, because the Syrians owed him their deliverance; so had Jehovah willed it; but this very valiant man was a leper. Now, his wife had in her service a young Jewish girl, who had been taken by Syrian robbers in an incursion upon the lands of the king of Israel. This young girl said therefore unto her mistress: I should much wish that my lord Naaman would present himself before the prophet who dwelleth at Samaria; he would soon have healed him of his leprosy. » (v. 1-3) 327. The brave general Naaman, a valiant man, but a leper. These words having been repeated to the general, the latter asked his king for a leave of absence, which was granted him; the king of Syria promised him, moreover, to send to the king of Israel a letter of friendship, so that he should have a good reception in the country. Naaman set out, carrying away ten talents of silver, six thousand pieces of gold and ten changes of tunics (v. 4-5). But now the king of Syria had committed a misunderstanding. When the king of Israel, Jehoram, opened the letter, he read there this: « As soon as this letter shall have reached thee, thou shalt know that I have sent thee my general Naaman, that thou mayest heal him of the leprosy. » (v. 6). One understands Jehoram’s stupefaction at this reading; but one understands less the manner in which he took the thing, according to the Bible: « As soon as the king of Israel had read the letter, he tore his garments crying out: Am I a god having the power to make die and to give back life, that this king sendeth unto me a man to be healed of the leprosy? Come, the king of Syria is seeking a quarrel with me. » (v. 7) Fortunately, Elisha had knowledge of what was going on, and he sent word to Jehoram that he had only to send him Naaman. Seven baths in the Jordan, following Elisha’s prescription, completely rid the brave general of his leprosy: « at the seventh bath, his flesh came back to him like the flesh of a little child ». To tell the truth, Naaman had at first been surprised at the prophet’s prescription: he did not think he had come from so far merely to have to take a bath, purely and simply; there were, thought he, fine rivers at Damascus which could have cured him; but he was made to understand that these rivers had not the virtue of the Jordan, purifying by the virtue of Elisha. 328. Naaman is healed by the water of the Jordan. As soon as he was healed, he came to thank the prophet: « Now, I know, said he unto him, that there is not, in all the earth, any true god other than he who is in Israel. That is wherefore, I pray thee, accept the presents of thy servant. » Elisha refused these presents, in spite of Naaman’s entreaties (v. 8-16). 329. Elisha refuses the presents of the grateful general. « Naaman said again unto the prophet: I will make no more holocausts to other gods; but I ask thee to pray thy god to pardon me this: when the king my master shall enter into the temple of Rimmon to prostrate himself there before the god of the Syrians, it will be needful that I prostrate myself with him; may Jehovah be willing therefore to pardon me, each time that I shall prostrate myself with my king before Rimmon. Elisha answered him: Let thy soul be in peace. » (v. 17-19) But Elisha’s disinterestedness in these circumstances did not suit the purposes of Gehazi, his servant. When Naaman had departed, Gehazi ran after him, overtook him in the country and said to him: Elisha my master would have nothing for himself; but two young sons of prophets, very poor, have just arrived to him from Ephraim; that is why Elisha begs thee to hand over to me, for these young men, a talent of silver and two changes of tunics. Naaman, quite joyful, gave Gehazi, not one, but two talents, and the two tunics. Having returned home, Gehazi was punished for his indelicacy: the leprosy, of which the general had been rid, had passed upon him. (2 Kings 5:20-27) 330. Gehazi, having taken the money, catches the leprosy. Elisha accomplished yet many other miracles. One of those personages whom the sacred author designates under this vague name of « sons of prophets », finding himself on the banks of the Jordan, was cutting wood, one fine day. « But it came to pass that, whilst he was felling a piece of wood, the iron of his axe fell into the water; he cried out: Alas!... Elisha said unto him: Where hath thy iron fallen? The other showed him the place. Then Elisha cut a piece of wood, threw it there, and straightway the iron came to swim upon the surface of the water. » The son of a prophet had only to take it and fit it back on the handle (2 Kings 6:1-7). The miracle would have been finer still if the iron had come and fitted itself back on by itself. 331. Astounding miracle of the axe. Another miracle, which shows to what a degree Jehovah protected Elisha: « Now, the king of Syria, during the war which he was making upon Israel, held council with his officers, and it was decided that the camp should be established in such a place. But Elisha sent at once to warn the king of Israel; and Jehoram took measures in consequence, according to what the man of God had revealed to him; he was thus always upon his guard, and this happened more than once and twice. The heart of the king of Syria was troubled thereat; he assembled his officers and said unto them: We must discover who is he among us that warneth the king of Israel of all that we have resolved to do. One of the officers answered him: Lord, there is no traitor among us; but Elisha the prophet, who is in Israel, knoweth all that we say and revealeth unto king Jehoram the very words which thou sayest by night in the chamber where thou sleepest. The king of Syria said then: If it be so, we must know where this Elisha is, that we may seize him; it is the most important thing for the success of our war. They came and informed the king that Elisha was at Dothan, and he sent thither horses and chariots, and numerous troops, who, under favour of the night, surrounded the city. And behold the servant of the prophet, having risen early in the morning and having seen the city encircled by the Syrian army, came to report it to Elisha, saying unto him: Alas! how shall we get out of it? Elisha answered him: Have no fear; for those who are with us are in greater number than those who are with them. And the prophet made this prayer unto the Eternal: O Jehovah, open the eyes of my servant, that he may see. Then, the servant, having had his eyes opened by God, looked and saw that the mountain was covered with horses of fire and with chariots of fire all around Elisha. Next, the Syrian troops came down to take the prophet, and Elisha said unto Jehovah: O Eternal my God, I pray thee, smite these enemy soldiers with blindness. Immediately, the Syrian soldiers became blind. » (v. 8-18) 332. Syrians struck with blindness. Here, the adventure turns into the most buffoonish comedy that it is possible to dream of. Let one imagine these unfortunate soldiers, officers as well as men, struck all at once with blindness, and let one above all not forget that it is a question of a very numerous army, since the city where the prophet is to be found is entirely surrounded and there are there infantry, cavalry and war-chariots. Well, if such a miracle could occur, it seems that these thousands of men, in their desolation at having lost their sight, would have thought of nothing but raising the siege, imploring the pity of the Israelites, whose territory they had invaded, and would have entreated to be led back home, happy even to get off so cheaply. Not at all! According to the Bible, these blind troops none the less continued to have the pretension of seizing Elisha. And then the sacred author makes the faithful swallow one of the most monumental pieces of humbug that have ever been written by a priest who cares not a rap for his credulous flock: Elisha offers to lead the Syrian officers and soldiers in search of Elisha; these idiotic blind men accept, and the prophet drags them thus in his train right into the capital of the kingdom, where behold them prisoners. This joke is so senseless, that it is necessary to reproduce the divine text once more. « Elisha came then unto the Syrians, become blind, and said unto them: This is not the city where ye shall find the man whom ye seek; come after me, and I will conduct you to him. And he led them to Samaria. » (2 Kings 6:19). Represent to yourself, in thought, these troops following the prophet at the tail-wolf-tail; represent to yourself all these blind men making their way from Dothan to Samaria, each holding the skirt of the coat of the one who walks before him, and the first of these thousands of men holding by a corner of his tunic the guide Elisha. After that, say whether it is possible for a religion to make more merry game of the faith of its faithful! « And it came to pass that, as soon as the Syrians were entered into Samaria, Elisha, having caused the gates to be shut again, said: O Eternal, open their eyes, that now they may see. And Jehovah opened their eyes, and they saw themselves prisoners in the middle of Samaria. ». (v. 20). But all’s well that ends well, and it will be established that Elisha, magnanimous on that day, did not abuse his triumph. « As soon as the king of Israel had seen the Syrian troops at his mercy, he said unto Elisha: My father, shall I smite? shall I smite? And he answered: Thou shalt not smite them. Wouldst thou smite with thy sword and with thy bow those whom thou hadst taken prisoners thyself? On the contrary, set bread and water before them, and let them eat and drink, and let them return unto the king their lord. And he caused great cheer to be made for them; then, he let them go; and they returned into their country. From that time, the Syrian troops came no more into the land of Israel. » (v. 21-23) What one has just read is now, immediately, going to be found contradicted by what follows. That is Holy Writ for you! Verse 23 affirms to us that, by the fact of Elisha’s generosity, the kingdom of Israel had peace for ever with the kingdom of Syria. Read then verse 24: « But it came to pass, after these things, that Ben-hadad, king of Syria, gathered all his army, and he went forth to war and besieged Samaria. » The priests, so as not to have to explain themselves upon these far too stupid contradictions, speak, in their manuals of sacred history, only of the miracle of the blinding of the Syrians. Here then is Ben-hadad on the scene again; it is that Ben-hadad whom king Ahab had let escape, as one perhaps remembers. « And there was a great famine in Samaria; the head of an ass was sold there for fourscore pieces of silver, and a quarter of a bushel of pigeons’ dung for five pieces of silver. » There it is! it is in so many words, it is verse 25. « And as the king of Israel was passing one day along the ramparts, a woman cried unto him: O king, my lord, save me! And the king answered her: How can I save thee, since Jehovah cometh not to our aid? I have neither bread nor wine; and thou, what hast thou? And the woman went on: There is my neighbour who said unto me: Give me thy son, that we may eat him to-day, and we shall eat mine to-morrow. We therefore cooked my son and we ate him. I said unto her on the morrow: Let us cook thy son, that we may eat him. But she will do nothing of the sort, and she hath hidden her child. The king, having heard that, tore his garments, and then the people saw that he had a sack upon his flesh within (?). And the king said further: May God exterminate me, if the head of Elisha remain to-day upon his shoulders! for it is he who is worth this famine to us. » (2 Kings 6:26-31). « Now, Elisha was in his house, and old men were with him. The king sent therefore unto him a man; but, well before he arrived, the prophet said unto his friends: Take heed; when a messenger of the king shall come, shut well the door; for this man cometh to cut off my head. Whilst he was speaking, the executioner arrived and said: The evil whereof we suffer is come forth from the hand of the Eternal; what more shall we be able to await of Jehovah? » (2 Kings 6:32-33) Fortunately, if Elisha was the cause of the famine, he was soon going to change the face of things; savour it. « Then, Elisha said: Hearken to the Eternal who speaketh by my mouth: to-morrow, at this same hour, the sack of fine meal shall be sold for a shekel (thirty-two sous), and for a shekel also two sacks of barley shall be had. » (2 Kings 7:1) « During that time, the Lord caused to be heard in the camp of the Syrians a great noise of chariots, and of horses, and of a great army, so that Ben-hadad believed that the king of Israel had paid the king of the Hittites and the king of Egypt to come to his aid. And all the Syrians, affrighted, fled during the night, abandoning their tents, their horses, their asses, and thinking only of saving their life (v. 6-7).... All the people went forth straightway from Samaria and pillaged the camp of the Syrians, so that the sack of fine meal was sold for a shekel and the two sacks of barley for a shekel also. » (v. 16) Chapter 8, after having informed us that the Shunammite, whose child Elisha had resuscitated, went to pass seven years among the Philistines in order not to have to suffer from the famine, relates to us the history of captain Hazael. In order to understand, one must recall that, when Elijah (not Elisha, if you please) was at mount Horeb, Jehovah, who had made him come there, said to him, after the earthquake and the burning of the rocks: « Begin again all the road that thou hast made (forty days and forty nights of marching), return and get thee to Damascus; there, thou shalt anoint Hazael for king over Syria; thou shalt anoint also Jehu, son of Nimshi, to be king over Israel, etc. » (1 Kings 19:15-16) The Bible does not take the trouble to explain why Elijah never anointed either Hazael or Jehu; Papa Good God having pronounced the words which have just been set once more before the reader’s eyes, there was no further question of it, that is all. Now, we have come to Elisha; the sacred writer thinks all at once of Hazael and of Jehu, and as best he can he is going to repair his oversight, since he has Elisha at hand. At last! we are going to learn what this Hazael is! « Elisha betook himself to Damascus, and, at the time of that journey, Ben-hadad, king of Syria, was sick. His people came in haste to tell him: The man of God is just arrived. Then, the king said unto Hazael: Let some one go quickly to meet the prophet of Jehovah with many presents, and let him be consulted to know whether I shall be healed. Hazael went therefore unto Elisha, with forty camels laden with magnificent gifts, and when he was before Elisha, he informed him of his mission, namely, whether king Ben-hadad should be healed of his malady. Elisha answered him: Get thee gone, and tell him that certainly he shall be healed; but, as for thee, know that Jehovah hath told me, on the contrary, that certainly thy king shall die. » (2 Kings 8:7-10) One asks oneself whether one is dreaming, when one reads suchlike asininities. Why does Elisha, knowing from God that Ben-hadad is going to die, tell Hazael to announce to his master his recovery? and why does he, a prophet, show himself to Hazael in the scarcely favourable light of a liar, conscious of his lie? The Bible does not explain it. So much silliness disconcerts one. And there you have the fundamental book of a religion!... « After which, the man of God, fixing his sight upon Hazael, looked at him a long while; then, he wept. Hazael said unto him: Wherefore weepeth my lord? Elisha answered him: It is that I know that thou shalt do great harm to the sons of Israel; thou shalt burn their cities, thou shalt kill with the sword the young men, thou shalt crush the head of the little children; thou shalt rip up the belly of the women with child. » (v. 11-12) I suppose that, if a gentleman spoke to you thus and if you were convinced of the veracity of the prophets, you would draw back, seized with horror, on hearing such language; what then will you think of the answer of captain Hazael? « And Hazael said unto him: How wilt thou that I do such great things (sic), I who am but a dog? And Elisha added: Jehovah hath revealed all that to me, and I know by him that thou shalt be king of Syria. Then, Hazael quitted Elisha and returned unto Ben-hadad, his master, who asked him: What said the prophet? Hazael answered him: He told me that thou shalt be healed of thy malady. But, on the morrow, Hazael took a goat-skin, dipped it in water and applied it all wet upon the face of Ben-hadad, so that he was suffocated; and Hazael reigned in his place. » (v. 13-15) This fashion of seizing a crown is exceedingly little complicated; as one sees, not one of Ben-hadad’s heirs put in a claim. Thanks to the end of this chapter, we know that, in his last years, old Jehoshaphat associated with himself upon the throne his son Jehoram, the husband of Athaliah; which is somewhat in contradiction with what we read previously, since it has been said (1 Kings 22:51) that this Jehoram of Judah, son of Jehoshaphat, mounted the throne after his father’s death. But, if we had to stop at all the contradictions of the Bible, we should never have done! — Jehoram of Judah walked in an evil way; quite like his brother-in-law Jehoram of Israel, he did everything that could displease Jehovah. And so he was punished for it by the revolt of the Idumeans, who ceased to pay him a tribute. Jehoram of Judah was thirty-two years old at his accession, it is further said, and he reigned eight years. When he died, Jehoram of Israel was in the twelfth year of his reign. Jehoram of Judah was succeeded by Ahaziah, his son, therefore the son of Athaliah. Ahaziah had the paternal crown at twenty-two years of age, did not worship Jehovah and lasted but one year. He allied himself with his uncle Jehoram of Israel, to make war upon Hazael, king of Syria; but Hazael beat Jehoram and Ahaziah. « And Jehoram, king of Israel, returned to Jezreel to have dressed the wounds which he had received from the Syrians at Ramah, when he was fighting against Hazael; and Ahaziah, son of Jehoram, king of Judah, went down to visit Jehoram, son of Ahab, at Jezreel, because he was sick. » (v. 29) Reader, you will not be long in shuddering; for terrible massacres are in preparation by the divine will. « In that time, the prophet Elisha called one of the sons of the prophets and said unto him: Put a girdle well tightened about thy loins, take this little cruse of oil, and get thee to Ramoth of Gilead; when thou shalt be there, thou shalt see Jehu, son of Jehoshaphat, son of Nimshi, and, having made him enter into a secret chamber, thou shalt pour upon his head all the contents of thy cruse, saying unto him: Behold how Adonai speaketh: I anoint thee king of Israel. After which, thou shalt open the door, and thou shalt flee at full speed. » (2 Kings 9:1-3) The young prophet, who had replaced Gehazi at Elisha’s side, therefore betook himself to Ramoth and faithfully executed these instructions, to the great amazement of captain Jehu. Nevertheless, once he had received his oil, he said to himself that this anointing was a most serious matter, and he related to the other officers of the garrison what had just happened to him. « Then, the officers took each their garments and placed them under him, so as to raise him very high, and they sounded the trumpet, and cried out: Long live Jehu, who hath been made king! Thus, Jehu, son of Jehoshaphat, son of Nimshi, made a conspiracy against Jehoram, king of Israel. » (v. 13-14) 333. Captain Jehu proclaims himself king of Israel. Here we are now fallen back into a frightful labyrinth of assassinations without end. We have seen the horrible mission given to Hazael on God’s behalf, a mission which begins with the murder of Ben-hadad and which is to be continued by the most dreadful butcheries: the new king of Syria is to dash out the heads of the little children and rip open the bellies of the pregnant women. Jehu, too, has the order to wallow in blood. The crime of the Jehorams, Ahaziahs and other princes was to worship Baal instead of Adonai. It is thus that the Bible teaches tolerance. Having been proclaimed king by the revolted garrison of Ramoth-Gilead, « Jehu mounted on horseback and went away to Jezreel; for Jehoram, king of Israel, was there sick, and Ahaziah, king of Judah, his nephew, was there also, having come to visit him. Now, a sentinel, placed upon a tower at Jezreel, saw the troop of Jehu which was coming and signalled it. And Jehoram sent a messenger to say: What meaneth this movement of troops? are we not at peace? » (v. 16-17). This messenger not returning, Jehoram sent another who returned no more than the first. « Then, Jehoram caused his chariot to be harnessed, mounted therein, Ahaziah mounted on his side into his chariot, and being gone forth from Jezreel, they went to meet Jehu. And as soon as Jehoram had perceived him, he said unto him: Bringest thou peace, Jehu? But Jehu answered: What peace then would be possible, whilst thy mother Jezebel giveth herself to prostitution and multiplieth every day the number of her enchantments? » (v. 21-22) In order to taste in all its savour this reproach of Jehu’s on the subject of queen Jezebel’s profligacy, it is necessary to give oneself over to a little chronological calculation, basing oneself upon the sacred texts. What age then had the widow of Ahab at that time? She was the mother of Athaliah, and the latter was about a hundred years old!... It is not said at what age the one and the other were married; but let us suppose that the daughter of Ahab was only fifteen years old when she was united to the Jehoram of Judah, son of Jehoshaphat. We know already that this Jehoram was not devout towards Jehovah; the second book of Chronicles (ch. 21) makes known to us his chastisement: « The Eternal stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines and of the Arabians, neighbours of the Cushites; who came up against Judah and pillaged everything, even the house of the king; and after that, the Eternal smote him in his bowels with an incurable malady. At the end of two years, the malady was so strong that his bowels came out of his body, and he died in great pains. » (v. 16-19). And chapter 22 begins with this precious information: « Then, the inhabitants of Jerusalem established as king in his place Ahaziah, the youngest of his sons, because the Arabian troops which had come had killed all those who were older than he. Now, Ahaziah, son of Jehoram, king of Judah, was forty-two years old when he began to reign, and he reigned one year at Jerusalem and his mother was Athaliah. » (v. 1-2). The number of Ahaziah’s brothers is given us in verse 14 of chapter 10 of the second book of Kings: they were « forty-two ». Now, let us recapitulate. Athaliah, married at the earliest at fifteen, may have had her first son a year later. Let us admit that she never had any but boys, since the Bible does not speak of daughters of this queen: Ahaziah having been born the forty-third, Athaliah was therefore fifty-eight years old when she brought him into the world; and, consequently, she was exactly a hundred years old when Ahaziah, aged forty-two, mounted the throne. Whence it results that Jezebel, mother of Athaliah, was at least a hundred and twenty when she was giving herself over to prostitution, her son Jehoram reigning over Israel and her grandson Ahaziah reigning over Judah. One understands without difficulty that, in order still to tempt lovers, old Jezebel had need to multiply the number of her enchantments! Jehu’s answer was not calculated to reassure the son of Jezebel. « Then, Jehoram turned bridle and fled, saying unto Ahaziah: We are betrayed. And Jehu took his bow with a full hand, and he smote Jehoram between the shoulders, so that the arrow went through his heart, and he fell down upon his knees in his chariot. » (2 Kings 9:23-24) Ahaziah, king of Judah, had fled also. « But Jehu had pursued him and had said: Kill him likewise in his chariot. It is in the ascent of Gur, near Ibleam, that he was smitten; then, he fled to Megiddo, and died there. » (v. 27) Here, at present, is Jezebel’s turn. « Jehu came therefore to Jezreel; and Jezebel, having heard it, painted her face, adorned her head, and she showed herself to Jehu through the window. » (v. 30) This old woman of a hundred and twenty still counted upon her charms to seduce the usurper! « And as Jehu was crossing the threshold of the gate, she said unto him: Did that bring good fortune to Zimri, to have killed his king? » (v. 31) One recalls that Zimri, having massacred king Baasha and all his family, reigned only seven days and killed himself, at the time of the success of Omri’s riot. 334. Coquetry of the old queen Jezebel. « Then, Jehu lifted his head towards the window, and he said: Who will come here of my people? who? Two or three officers looked at him. Jehu said unto them: Throw this woman through the window. And they threw her, and her blood spurted against the wall and against the horses; and he trod her under foot. Then, he entered into the royal house, and he ate and drank. After which, he said: Go and see now that accursed woman, and bury her; for she is a king’s daughter. They went away therefore to bury her; but they found nothing but the skull, the feet and the fists. And, having returned, they reported it to him; and Jehu said: Thus is accomplished the word of Jehovah, who, by the mouth of Elijah, announced that in the field of Jezreel the dogs should eat the flesh of Jezebel and that her corpse should be as dung, so that none shall be able to say: This is Jezebel. » (v. 32-37) 335. Jezebel is devoured by the dogs. But we know that Jezebel had been prolific; Jehoram left brothers fit to succeed him. « Now, Ahab had had besides seventy sons; and Jehu wrote letters and sent them to Samaria, to the chief men of Jezreel, to the elders, to all those with whom the children of Ahab were lodging. » (2 Kings 10:1). These letters ordered the extermination of all these princes. « As soon therefore as the orders of Jehu had reached the elders, these took the sons of Ahab and cut their throats; then, they sent to Jehu the seventy heads in baskets. » (v. 7) Jehu further put to death all the friends and all the officers attached to the house of Ahab (v. 11). « After that, Jehu, going to Samaria, met on the way the brethren of Ahaziah, king of Judah. They answered: We are the two and forty brethren of Ahaziah. Then, Jehu said unto his people: Well then, let them be seized all alive! And, having thus captured them, he caused them all to be slaughtered, the two and forty, beside the pit of a house of shepherds; and not one survived that massacre. » (v. 12-14) It is not amiss to recall that these forty-two sons of Athaliah had already been killed by the Arabs, since Ahaziah, the forty-third and the youngest of the family, had succeeded his father, the Jehoram of Judah, only because of that first extermination of his elders... Ah! the cruel Jehu! he assassinated even ghosts!... If you think that this time it is finished, you are much mistaken. Jehu announced that he was going to give great feasts in honour of Baal. « And he convoked all the priests of Baal, saying: Let not one be lacking, for I will make a great sacrifice unto Baal, and those who shall not come shall be slain. But Jehu was very crafty, and he acted thus to make perish whosoever served Baal. And he caused to be published throughout all Israel the announcement of that solemn feast. And all the servants of Baal came, without a single one lacking; the temple of Baal, that day, was filled from one end unto the other. » (2 Kings 10:19-21) While sacrifices were being made to the rival god of Jehovah, the temple was surrounded by Jehu’s troops. « And, as soon as they had finished the burnt-offering, Jehu said unto the archers and unto the captains: Enter, kill them, let none of them escape! The archers therefore and the captains put them to the edge of the sword, and they cast them there. Then, they drew the statues forth out of the temple and burned them. And they demolished the statue of Baal, and they demolished from top to bottom the temple of Baal. Thus Jehu exterminated Baal out of the midst of Israel. » (v. 23-28) Now, reader, prop yourself well against a wall, so as not to fall over backwards. Here is verse 29: « Nevertheless, Jehu walked constantly in the way of sin; for he adored the golden calves which were at Bethel and at Dan. » Incomprehensible, is he not, the lord Jehu?... Oh! yes, indeed! One more citation: « Now, Jehovah appeared unto Jehu and said unto him: Because thou hast right well executed my orders in avenging me of the house of Ahab, thy posterity shall reign over Israel unto the fourth generation. But Jehu persisted in walking outside the ways of Jehovah, and he defiled himself with all the sins of idolatry of Jeroboam. » (v. 30-31) In short, however that may be, the usurper Jehu reigned twenty-eight years; at his death, he left his crown to his son Jehoahaz (v. 35-36). The sacred writer, wholly taken up with the exploits of Jehu, has neglected to occupy himself with Athaliah. Fortunately, he makes up for it in chapter 11. In consequence of the accession of the usurper, the daughter of Ahab had therefore had many mournings to put on; in a few days, they had cut the throats of her mother Jezebel, of her brother Jehoram of Israel and of her seventy other brothers, of her son Ahaziah and of her forty-two other sons. 336. Jehoram and Ahaziah, the first victims of Jehu. There remained to the queen of Jerusalem only her grandsons, the sons of Ahaziah. What did she do, to preserve them from the fury of Jehu? She cut their throats herself. « Athaliah, mother of Ahaziah, having seen that they had killed her son, arose in her turn and exterminated all the royal race. » (v. 1) 337. Athaliah exterminates the royal race of Judah. It is only in the Bible that one finds vengeances of that stamp! Which makes Voltaire say: « Athaliah, grandmother of little Joash, assassinates all her grandsons in Jerusalem, according to what sacred history says, with the exception of little Joash, who escapes; she was nearly a hundred years old, and had, besides, no interest whatever in cutting their throats: she commits all these pretended assassinations only for the pleasure of committing them, and in order to give the high-priest Jehoiada a pretext for assassinating her in her turn. We have there, in this period of the kings of Israel and of Judah, scenes of murder and of carnage, of which one could find an example only in the history of the martens, if some barnyard cock had written their history. » Moreover, improbabilities are always what predominates in the Bible. How is the youngest of Ahaziah’s sons saved from the general massacre? He is saved by his aunt Jehosheba, who hides him. Now, who is this Jehosheba? She is the sister of Ahaziah and the daughter of Athaliah (2 Kings 11:2); she is furthermore the wife of the high-priest Jehoiada (2 Chronicles 22:11). Thus, queen Athaliah, famous for her impiety, Athaliah who acknowledged none but Baal for God, had married her daughter to the high-priest of Jehovah! And little Joash was brought up in secret in the temple. 338. Joash brought up in secret by the high-priest Jehoiada. For six years, Athaliah reigned alone (2 Kings 11:3), and she was entirely ignorant of this permanent plot of her son-in-law. In the seventh year, Jehoiada assembled captains faithful to Jehovah, showed them the young son of Ahaziah, proclaimed him king, and Athaliah, who had hastened up to see what was happening, had her throat cut « in the street which led to the stables of the palace of David » (v. 16). On the same occasion, they massacred Mattan, the high-priest of Baal, that is to say the competitor of Jehoiada (v. 18). 339. Death of Athaliah, at a hundred and six. Chapter 12 of the second book of Kings is devoted to the reign of Joash, which is not of the most brilliant. All that one finds of interest in it is the glorious invention of the money-box by the high-priest Jehoiada. The temple having need of repairs, Joash had said that the priests would take charge of them, and that, for this, they should receive various sums, either from the tax of the census, or from the generosity of the faithful. In the twenty-third year of the reign of Joash, no repair had yet been made; but the priests had none the less been pocketing the money all the time (v. 6). The king, making up his mind to set this state of things in order, decreed that the priests should no longer receive the money directly, and, consequently, that they should not have the charge of the repairs. « Then, the high-priest Jehoiada took a chest well closed, made a slit in its lid, and placed it near the altar on the right hand, at the place whereby one entered into the house of the Eternal; and all the silver which was brought to the temple was put into that chest. As soon as it was seen that the chest was full, the king’s secretary and the high-priest opened it together, counted the silver and put it into bags; then, they delivered that silver well counted into the hands of those who had the charge of causing the repairs to be made by the masons and the carpenters. » (v. 9-10) As one sees, without the invention of the money-box, the temple would never have been repaired. From the book of Kings, it results that Joash was a pious monarch; but, according to the book of Chronicles, he ended by turning out badly (book 2, ch. 24): he restored the worship of the idols of the groves and other false gods, to the great scandal of Zechariah who, at the death of Jehoiada his father, had become high-priest of Jehovah. Joash, irritated by the reproaches of Zechariah, had him battered to death with stones, in the very court of the temple (2 Chronicles 24:21). In his turn, Joash had his throat cut by two of his servants, the sieurs Zabad and Jehozabad (2 Chronicles 24:26). This king had reigned forty years. His son Amaziah succeeded him. On taking up the book of Kings again, we learn that in Israel the terrible Jehu had for successor his son Jehoahaz, who cared no more for Jehovah than for a cherry (‘no more for Jehovah than for a cherry’ — fr. ‘se moquer de quelque chose comme d’une guigne’, to care nothing at all about it; a ‘guigne’ is a small cherry), during the seventeen years of his reign; and so, for seventeen years, his kingdom was devastated by the kings of Syria, Hazael, first, and Ben-hadad, son of Hazael, afterwards. If the Israelites were put into capilotade (‘put into capilotade’ — fr. ‘mis en capilotade’; a capilotade is a ragout of leftover meat chopped small, hence knocked to pieces), that is saying nothing! Let one judge of it by this verse: « Of all the people of Jehoahaz there remained but fifty horsemen and ten thousand footmen, so much did the king of Syria destroy them and make them small as the dust which is trodden in the threshing-floor. » (2 Kings 13:7) Jehoahaz was succeeded by his son Joash, who must not be confounded with the Joash, king of Judah. The Joash of Israel, grandson of Jehu, made war upon Amaziah, son of the Joash of Judah, beat him flat-seam at Beth-shemesh, made in the ramparts of Jerusalem a breach of four hundred cubits, and pillaged all the treasures of the temple and of the royal house. It is under the reign of the Joash of Israel that the prophet Elisha died. « Now, Elisha had been sick; and Joash, king of Israel, being come to see him, could not restrain his tears, which flowed from his eyes upon the face of the prophet. And Joash cried out: My father! my father! chariot of Israel and its horsemen! » (2 Kings 13:14) That is the second time that we find in the Bible this bizarre exclamation; no explanation of it is given by the sacred author; but it matters little. Let us continue. « Elisha said unto king Joash: Take a bow and arrows... Then, he said unto him: Open the window toward the east; shoot an arrow through the window. And Joash shot. Then Elisha cried out: It is the arrow of the deliverance of the Eternal, and the arrow of the deliverance against the Syrians. Thou shalt therefore smite the Syrians at Aphek, until thou consume them. He said unto him again: Take arrows anew, and now, instead of shooting into the air, shoot against the ground. And Joash shot thus three arrows; then, he stopped. Then, Elisha fell into anger, and said unto him: Imbecile king, thou shouldest have shot at least five or six arrows; thus thou wouldest have smitten the Syrians until thou hadst destroyed them; but now thou shalt beat them but three times. After having said that, Elisha died, and they buried him. » (v. 15-20) One will seek in vain to understand, we believe, why the king of Israel, — whose male subjects had been reduced to ten thousand and fifty, under the preceding reign, — would have exterminated the Syrians, if he had shot six arrows against the ground, instead of three. Elisha therefore knew not only what was to happen, but also what was not to happen. That is fine! « The following year, a marvellous fact came to pass: some people were carrying a dead man to bury him. Now, behold that these people took fright at seeing a band of robbers coming, and they cast in haste their corpse into a sepulchre which was there, and they fled; it was the tomb of Elisha. Then, the corpse, having rolled upon the bones of the prophet, quivered on touching them, came back to life, and, having risen upon its feet, set itself to running. » (v. 21) 340. Posthumous miracle of Elisha. Evidently, the thieves got the funk, and set to running as well. — The critics, never content, make objections again. They ask why Jehovah did not resuscitate Elisha himself, instead of resuscitating some nobody or other, a personage perfectly unknown and in no way interesting, thrown by chance into the prophet’s grave. They ask how this grave happened to be there open, so opportunely, at the end of a year. They ask what became of this resuscitated man and are astonished that, in his second life, after so extraordinary an event, he did not judge it useful to make himself known. Finally, since such a secret virtue was attached to the bones of Elisha, they ask how it is that no one has thought any further of turning it to profit; to think that, thanks to that skeleton, if the operation had been made general, we should all be immortal! From the death of Elisha to the end of the kingdoms of Israel and of Judah, we have such a political hodge-podge that it is difficult to find one’s way in it if one has not the precaution of placing, before everything else, before the reader’s eyes a table of the succession of the kings. In Israel: Joash is succeeded by Jeroboam II, his son, who reigns forty-one years (2 Kings 14:23); Jeroboam II has for successor his son Zechariah (2 Kings 14:29), the last descendant of Jehu, who reigns only six months (2 Kings 15:8); he is assassinated by a certain Shallum (2 Kings 15:10), who seizes the throne and occupies it only one month (2 Kings 15:13); this one in his turn is assassinated by Menahem (2 Kings 15:14), another captain, more fortunate, who reigns ten years (2 Kings 15:17), during which he pays tribute to Pul, king of Nineveh (2 Kings 15:19-20); Menahem dies quietly in his bed, and has for successor his son Pekahiah (2 Kings 15:22), who reigns two years (2 Kings 15:23); Pekahiah is assassinated by captain Pekah (2 Kings 15:25), who mounts the throne and maintains himself there twenty years (2 Kings 15:27), in the course of which a war with Tiglath-Pileser, king of Assyria, makes him lose all Galilee and the tribe of Naphtali, whose inhabitants are carried off into servitude (2 Kings 15:29); finally, captain Hoshea dethrones Pekah, kills him (2 Kings 15:30), reigns nine years (2 Kings 17:1) and is at last taken prisoner by Shalmaneser, king of Assyria, who seizes Samaria after a siege of three years (2 Kings 17:5) and destroys the kingdom of Israel. Hoshea and his former subjects are carried away captive and scattered at Halah, at Habor and in the cities of the Medes (2 Kings 17:6). In Judah: Amaziah, after a reign of twenty-nine years (2 Kings 14:2), is assassinated at Lachish by conspirators (2 Kings 14:19), and the people maintain the crown to his son Azariah, aged sixteen (2 Kings 14:21), who reigns fifty-two years at Jerusalem (2 Kings 15:2); Azariah has for successor his son Jotham or Jonathan (2 Kings 15:7), who reigns sixteen years (2 Kings 15:33); this king, who was pious, was succeeded by his son Ahaz (2 Kings 16:1), who also reigned sixteen years, but who was impious (2 Kings 16:2) and distinguished himself by his alliance with the Assyrian king Tiglath-Pileser against the king of Israel, Pekah, and against the king of Syria, Rezin (2 Kings 16:5-9); Ahaz has for successor his son Hezekiah (2 Kings 16:20), a king of exemplary piety, of whom we shall have to say a few words, and who reigns twenty-nine years (2 Kings 18:2); it is during his reign that the kingdom of Israel is destroyed; his son Manasseh succeeds him (2 Kings 21:1) and reigns fifty-five years, during which he commits all the abominations that afflict Jehovah (2 Kings 21:2); Amon, son of Manasseh, reigns in his turn (2 Kings 21:19), follows the bad examples of his father (2 Kings 21:20), and, at the end of two years, is assassinated by his servants; Amon is succeeded by Josiah, his son (2 Kings 21:26), who reigns thirty-one years (2 Kings 22:1) with piety; killed in a battle by the king of Egypt Necho, the pious but ill-starred Josiah has for successor one of his sons, Jehoahaz, anointed by the people (2 Kings 23:29-30); but Jehoahaz reigns only three months (2 Kings 23:31); taken prisoner by Necho, he dies in Egypt (2 Kings 23:34), and Necho places upon the throne Jehoiakim, another son of Josiah, who reigns eleven years (2 Kings 23:36); this Jehoiakim has for successor another Jehoiakim, his son, whom the Bible also names Jeconiah, whose reign was but of three months (2 Kings 24:8); Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, having then invaded the kingdom of Judah, pillaged the temple, carried off numerous prisoners, among whom Jehoiakim-Jeconiah (2 Kings 24:10-16), and he placed upon the throne in his stead a third son of Josiah (2 Kings 24:17). This one, known under the name of Zedekiah, was the last king of Judah; for, in the eleventh year of his reign (2 Kings 25:2), Jerusalem was taken by the armies of Nebuchadnezzar, after eighteen months of siege (2 Kings 25:4), the royal princes were massacred, and Zedekiah, having had his eyes put out and his arms loaded with double chains of brass, was carried away into captivity to Babylon, with all that remained of the people (2 Kings 25:7); Nebuchadnezzar, having burned the temple of Solomon and the palace, left Jerusalem in ruins (2 Kings 25:9-10). 341. End of the kingdom of Israel. « At last, says Voltaire, here is the dénouement of the greater part of Hebrew history. It is first the destruction of the ten tribes of the kingdom of Israel, and soon afterwards the captivity of the two other tribes; that is what so many miracles worked in their favour end in. Wise Christians see, with sorrow, the disaster of their fathers who opened for them the road to salvation. Sceptics see, with a secret joy, the annihilation of almost a whole people whom they regard as a vile heap of superstitious folk inclined to idolatry, debauched, brigands, bloodthirsty, imbecile and pitiless. This revolution offers us a new picture, and new personages. Who were these peoples and these kings of Assyria, who come from so far to swoop down upon the little people that had dwelt near Coele-Syria, from Dan to Beer-sheba, in a territory of about fifty leagues long by fifteen wide, and which hoped to rule over the Euphrates, over the Mediterranean and over the Red Sea? » Among the episodes which come to throw a little gaiety into the annals of this epoch in which the desolation of the Jews breaks out, one must cite, in the first place, the history of Tobit, which relates to the captivity of the Hebrews of the kingdom of Israel. This history is found neither in the book of Kings nor in the book of Chronicles; it figures apart, in the category of those works which the Jews declare, while respecting them, not to have been directly inspired by God. On the other hand, the Catholics admit the book of Tobit, and the council of Trent has declared it canonical; that suffices for us to give it a place — in summary, at least — in this general examination of the Old Testament. « Tobit, of the tribe of Naphtali, was, in the time of Shalmaneser, king of the Assyrians, led away captive to Nineveh. » This is the beginning of the book of Tobit. One keenly regrets, in reading that, that the said Shalmaneser did not have good geographical maps drawn up of his States; for one has a great deal of trouble in disentangling how, being king of Nineveh on the Tigris, he could have passed right over the kingdom of Babylon in order to go and put in chains the inhabitants of the banks of the Jordan, and to make conquests as far as the neighbours of the Hyrcanian sea. It is absolutely as if the Grand Turk, who reigns at Constantinople, were to go, leaping over Austria with both feet at once, he and his bashi-bazouks, and take prisoner and bring back into his empire the population of the kingdom of Prussia. But let us pass on. « Now, Tobit, quitting Nineveh one day, went to make a journey to Rages, city of Media; and there, having seen that Gabael, of his tribe, was in need, he gave him, against a written promise of repayment, ten talents of silver, taken from the gifts which he had received from the king. » (Tobit 1:15-17) One is astonished that a captive should have obtained such sums from the liberalities of the sovereign who kept his nation in slavery; for ten talents of silver represent no less than forty-five to fifty thousand francs of our money. That is assuredly a great deal for the husband of a washerwoman; Anna, wife of Tobit, washed linen and did mending (Tobit 2:13). One really cannot too much admire this Tobit, who goes off to Rages, four hundred leagues from Nineveh, in order to lend these fifty thousand francs to the Jew Gabael, who was extremely poor, and who, according to all probability, would be unable ever to return them to him! That is very fine. « Returned to Nineveh, one day when he had employed his time in burying the dead, he fell asleep at the foot of a wall; » a man rich enough to lend fifty thousand francs in Rages might well have had at least a bedchamber in Nineveh. « But Tobit perceived not that there were sparrows perched upon the wall, which muted all warm into his eyes, and he became blind thereof. » (Tobit 2:9-10) The naturalist critics say that sparrow shit cannot make anyone blind, and that one gets off with washing oneself on the spot. 342. Old Tobit becomes blind « On that same day, Sarah, daughter of Raguel, who dwelt at Ecbatana, city of Media, was outraged by the servant-maids of her father. Sarah had been given in marriage unto seven husbands; but an evil spirit (here the Catholic translators put: a devil), named Asmodeus, had killed them each time, at the moment when they were going to couple with her. The servant-maids said therefore unto her: Thou hast strangled thy seven husbands, one after the other, and thou hast borne the name of none of them. And now thou beatest us. Get thee gone and rejoin thy husbands!... Having heard that, Sarah was greatly grieved, even unto wishing to strangle herself. But she prayed unto Jehovah, crying unto him through the window: Lord, withdraw me from the earth, that I hear no more such reproaches! Thou knowest that I am pure and that I have not defiled my name nor the name of my father, in the land wherein I am captive. I am an only daughter, and there is none of our near kinsmen unto whom I reserve myself for wife; already seven of them are dead unto me; what have I more to do with living? But, if thou judgest it not good to make me die, have pity upon me and ordain that I have no more reproach. » (Tobit 3:7-15) 344. Sarah, daughter of Raguel, seven times a widow. Never had the Jews, until then, remark the critics, heard tell of any devil nor of any sort of demons; the good and the evil genii had been imagined in Persia, in the religion of Zoroaster, which teaches the existence of two gods equal in power, the one, Ormuzd, principle of good; the other, Ahriman, principle of evil, each having under his orders an army of spirits, some beneficent, the others maleficent. From Persia, these genii passed into Chaldea and established themselves at last in Greece, where Plato liberally gave to every man his good and his evil demon. Shamaddai, which is translated as Asmodeus, was one of the principal devils. The Benedictine Dom Calmet, in his commentary upon Asmodeus, says « that it is known that there are several categories of devils, some princes and master demons, the others subordinate and subjected ». Everything therefore concurs to prove, in the various books which compose the Bible, that the Jews were never anything but imitators, that they took all their rites, one after another, from their neighbours and from their masters, and not only their rites, but all their tales. It is thus that on the return from their captivity among the Medes and the Assyrians, they brought back the Persian and Chaldean beliefs and added them to their dogmas. The terms which the author of the book of Tobit makes use of insinuate that Asmodeus was in love with and jealous of Sarah. This idea is conformable to the ancient doctrine of the genii, of the sylphs, of the angels, of the gods of antiquity; all of them have been in love with our daughters. We have already seen, in Genesis, the sons or angels of God in love with the daughters of men and getting giant children by them (pages 76 and following). Fable has predominated everywhere. — This is not the place to repeat what the theologians have said of the incubus and succubus demons; of the miraculous men, born of these chimerical copulations; of all the different devils entering into the bodies of boys and girls in a hundred diverse manners; of the means of making them come and of driving them out; in short, of all the superstitions of this species which knavery has used in all ages to deceive imbecility. That would lead us too far. This study is reserved for the work which I am preparing under the title The Drolleries of the Faith. « Now, the prayer of Tobit and that of Sarah were heard before the glory of the great God; and Raphael was sent to heal Tobit of the films which he had upon his eyes and to give Sarah in marriage to Tobias the son, by binding Asmodeus, the evil spirit, because God had decided that the right to possess her as wife should belong to Tobias the son. » (Tobit 3:16-17) It is the first time that an angel is named in Holy Writ. All the commentators avow that these names are of Chaldean origin: Raphael, physician of God; Uriel, fire of God; Jesrael, race of God; Michael, like unto God; Gabriel, the man of God. The Persian angels had quite different names: Mah, Kur, Dubadur, Bahman, etc. The Jews being slaves among the Chaldeans, and not among the Persians, therefore appropriated to themselves the angels and the devils of the Chaldeans, and made for themselves a wholly new theurgy, of which they had not yet thought at all. Thus, one sees that everything changes among this people, according as it changes masters. When they are enslaved to the Canaanites, they take their gods; when they are captive among the kings that are called Assyrian, they take their beneficent and maleficent angels. « One day, therefore, Tobit remembered the money which he had delivered unto Gabael, and he said within himself: Wherefore shall I not call Tobias my son before I die, to declare it unto him? And he called him and said unto him: My son, if I die, bury me, and despise not thy mother. » (Tobit 4:1-3) There follows a long discourse, which ends thus: « Now I declare unto thee that I have lent ten talents of silver to Gabael upon his promise, in Rages, city of Media. » (v. 21) Then, Tobit hands over to his son the note which Gabael has signed for him (Tobit 5:3) and recommends him to find himself a travelling companion (v. 4). « Then Tobias the son met a young man very fair, whose robe was tucked up at the girdle; it was Raphael; but he knew not that he had to do with an angel of God. He saluted him and said unto him: Could I go with thee into Media? knowest thou that country? The angel answered him: I will go with thee, I know the road, and I have even lodged at Rages, with Gabael, our brother. » (v. 5-8) How well that fell out! Tobias the son, delighted, at once presented to his father the young man with the tucked-up robe. The latter declared that his name was Azarias, of the race of the great Ananias (v. 15); as it happened old Tobit had known Ananias, who was in some degree his kinsman. Thereupon, discussion upon the wages to be granted to the traveller-protector: « Will a drachma a day be enough, asked Tobit, with the necessary things, as for my son? I will add something to the wages, if you return with a full success. And they agreed together thus. » (v. 20) It is odd enough that Tobit, who was a Jew and dwelt then at Nineveh, should reckon in this account neither in Jewish money nor in Median money; for the drachma is an essentially Greek coin. — Tobias the son therefore set out with the false Azarias, « and the dog of the house set out with them ». One may well think that this journey was not to pass off without adventure. « As they arrived in the evening at the banks of the Tigris, they lodged there. And young Tobias went down to wash his feet in the river; but behold that an enormous fish leaped out of the water to devour him. Then, the angel said unto him: Seize this fish by the gills. Tobias took it therefore and drew it forth upon the land. » (Tobit 6:1-3) 343. Tobias the son and the angel Raphael at the fishing. One asks oneself here how a fish so monstrous, capable of devouring a man, could let itself be so easily seized by the gills, like a mere rabbit that one hangs up by the ears. But the theologians are not embarrassed for so little. It is evident that no such fresh-water fishes exist; and so this terrible fish had been placed there exceptionally by Jehovah; it had been created expressly for the needs of the case; it was a piece of divine stage-setting, and it is therefore useless to seek out the species to which this aquatic monster belonged. — The angel next told young Tobias to split the fish open and to set apart the heart, the liver and the gall. This operation done, the fish was roasted and the two companions fed upon it as far as Ecbatana. « Then, Tobias said unto the angel: Azarias, my brother, what shall we do with the heart, the liver and the gall of this fish which I took the other day? Raphael answered him: The heart and the liver, when they are broiled upon coals, produce a smoke which driveth away the devil or any evil spirit troubling a man or a woman; as for the gall, if therewith one anointeth the eyes of a man become blind by films, that man is at once healed. » (v. 6-8) Raphael next advised young Tobias to ask hospitality of his kinsman Raguel and to take his daughter Sarah for wife. Tobias was greatly hesitant upon this second point. « He said unto the angel: Azarias, my brother, I have heard tell that this young girl hath already been married seven times and that all her husbands have been found dead in the nuptial chamber. Now, my father hath no other child than me, and I fear, if I espouse Sarah, to die like the others; for there is an evil spirit which loveth her and which attacketh whosoever will lie with her. The angel answered him: Rememberest thou not that thy father charged thee to espouse a woman of thy kindred? Therefore, hearken unto me, and hesitate not to take Sarah for wife. As for the evil spirit, have no care thereof. When the moment shall be come for thee to get into bed, thou shalt broil the heart and the liver of the fish upon a brazier of perfumes, and there shall come forth thereof a very stinking smoke; now, the evil spirit, on smelling that odour, will flee away and will never return. Having heard these words, Tobias took confidence, and he became very much in love with Sarah, and his heart was extremely attached unto her. » (Tobit 6:13-17) Note that Tobias the son had not yet seen his young kinswoman. « They arrived next at Ecbatana and betook themselves to the house of Raguel. Sarah came to meet them, saluted them, and they saluted her; then she made them enter. And Raguel said unto Edna, his wife: Oh! how this young man resembleth Tobit my kinsman! » (Tobit 7:1-2) Tobias the son names himself; they embrace; a great feast is prepared, but Tobias refuses to touch any dish if Raguel does not grant him then and there his daughter in marriage. Raguel answers that he is quite willing; nevertheless, he is anxious to tell the young man the horrible history of the seven husbands strangled on the very night of their nuptials. Tobias insisted, affirming that, as for him, he feared nothing. « Then Raguel called Sarah his daughter, took her by the hand, and gave her unto Tobias saying: Here she is, I give her thee for wife; enter into her, according to thy right, and then thou shalt conduct her into the house of thy father. After which, he blessed them; then, he took tablets, made the contract and sealed it. » (Tobit 7:15-16) Take away the beefsteak! (‘Take away the beefsteak!’ — fr. ‘Enlevez le bifteck!’, a popular catch-phrase of the day, roughly ‘and there’s an end of it — on to the next thing’) « Edna prepared the nuptial chamber and conducted Sarah thither, who was weeping; and she wiped her tears, saying unto her: Be of good courage, my daughter. (v. 19-20) Now, when they had finished supping, Raguel and Edna led Tobias unto Sarah. Then, Tobias, remembering the words of his companion Azarias, took embers, put the heart and the liver of the fish thereon, and there was straightway given off a thick smoke. And the evil spirit Asmodeus, having smelt that odour, fled away unto the end of upper Egypt; but the angel pursued him thither at the same time, seized him, and chained him very solidly. » (Tobit 8:1-4) 346. Tobias the son marries Sarah and drives out the devil Asmodeus. Theologians have asked themselves whether the devil Asmodeus is still chained up and in what precise spot; a grave question! Floods of ink have flowed to resolve it. The craftiest are the monks of an Egyptian convent, who show pilgrims a very deep well, where, they say, Raphael fastened up his enemy, who is there still; in consideration of an offering to the good religious, one throws a stone into the well, or a few drops of holy water, in order to increase the torment of the wicked demon, reduced to impotence. « The evil spirit being no longer in the chamber, Tobias set himself upon his knees on the bed (v. 5), and said: Lord, thou art witness that I take not this woman for lewdness, but I take her in uprightness; make us therefore to grow old together. And Sarah, praying also, said: Amen! Then, they lay down and they passed that first night in sleeping. » (v. 9-10) During this time, Raguel, convinced that Tobias would not get out of it alive, was digging a grave in the garden (v. 11). But when, the next morning, he learned that his son-in-law was safe and sound, he was in an indescribable joy. He commanded his servants to fill up the grave and decided that the wedding festivities should last fourteen days. « And he said unto Tobias: Thou shalt take the half of all that I possess, and thou shalt go thus unto thy father; as for the rest, thou shalt have it, when we shall be dead, I and my wife. » (v. 22) During the wedding festivities, the angel Raphael, who had come back from upper Egypt, made the journey to Rages, under the features of Azarias; the borrower Gabael had succeeded in his affairs, and returned without difficulty the ten talents of Tobit the father (Tobit 9). At last, Tobias the son, his wife, the angelic companion and the dog came back to Nineveh, where the old blind man was beginning to despair. « Tobias rubbed with the gall of the fish the eyes of his father, saying unto him: Be of good courage, my father. Now, as his eyes itched him, a skin albuminous like the white of an egg fell therefrom; and then, seeing his son, Tobit cast himself upon his neck and wept. » (Tobit 11:10-11) 345. Tobias the son cures his old father’s blindness. There remained only to pay the promised wages to Azarias; the latter refused the drachmas, made himself known for Raphael, one of the seven most important angels in the celestial hierarchy, and disappeared (Tobit 12). While the Hebrews of the kingdom of Israel were in captivity at Nineveh, Rages, Ecbatana and other Median cities, — a captivity permitting prisoners, like Raguel, to have servants, flocks and a great establishment, and others, like Tobit, to lend fifty thousand francs to a comrade without inconveniencing themselves, — the kingdom of Judah continued to subsist, at first under the pious government of Hezekiah, who was not to be trifled with on the religious question. « He suppressed the high places, brake in pieces the statues of the strange gods, cut down the groves wherein a worship was rendered unto the priapi, and brake even the brazen serpent, work of Moses, because the Jews made burnings of incense unto it. » (2 Kings 18:4) 347. Exemplary piety of Hezekiah, king of Jerusalem. And so, Papa Good God gave him the victory over the Philistines. Nevertheless, Jehovah gave him, in certain circumstances, only a half-protection: it is thus that in the fourteenth year of his reign, Hezekiah had his territory invaded by Sennacherib, son of Shalmaneser, and he obtained the cessation of the occupation only by paying to this king of Nineveh three hundred talents of silver and thirty talents of gold (2 Kings 18:14). « And Hezekiah gave all the silver that was found in the house of the Eternal and in the treasures of the royal house; he stripped even the doors of the temple and the lintels which he had himself overlaid with plates of gold, and he gave all these riches unto Sennacherib. » (v. 15-16) After this haul, Sennacherib might have left Hezekiah in peace. Not at all. He soon returned to the charge, sending him a certain Rabshakeh charged with putting a question to him, while he had Jerusalem invested by his army. This question was the following: What is the confidence upon which thou reliest? If it is thy confidence in Jehovah, it will not save thee. Hezekiah had delegated three negotiators to Rabshakeh, and these, hearing such language, said to him: « We pray thee to speak unto us in the Syriac tongue, for we understand it; but speak not in the Judaic tongue, because of the people who are there upon the ramparts and who listen. » (v. 26) But Rabshakeh was more insolent still. « My master, said he, hath sent me that everybody may hear what I have to say; and it must be that the inhabitants of Jerusalem know that we shall make them eat their own excrements and that they shall drink their urine with you. » (v. 27) Hezekiah had not had over-much confidence in Jehovah, since first of all he had let himself be despoiled without resistance. However, the prophet Isaiah, who was living then, raised his spirits, and, what was most important, Papa Good God came to his aid. « It came to pass, in one night, that an angel of Jehovah came down from heaven and slew a hundred fourscore and five thousand men in the camp of the Assyrians about Jerusalem; and, at the break of day, when king Sennacherib saw all those dead bodies, he ordered the survivors to pack up their baggage and returned to Nineveh. » (2 Kings 19:35-36) 348. Hezekiah besieged is succoured by the exterminating angel. The Bible says next that Sennacherib was killed by his sons Adrammelech and Sharezer, who, after this murder, took refuge in Armenia, and that another son of Sennacherib, named Esar-haddon, mounted the throne (2 Kings 19:37); then, in the following chapter, the sacred author says that Hezekiah, in the last years of his reign, made an alliance with Merodach-Baladan, king of Babylon (2 Kings 20:12). These affirmations hardly agree with the discoveries of the archaeologists touching the history of the Assyrian kingdoms; for it results from the inscriptions of the famous palace of Khorsabad, discovered in 1842 by M. Botta, consul of France at Mosul, that Merodach-Baladan was driven out of Chaldea by Shalmaneser himself, father of Sennacherib, his conqueror at the battle of Betlakin (709 B.C.), and Shalmaneser, after this victory, seized Babylon and united that kingdom to that of Nineveh. How then could Hezekiah be the ally of Merodach-Baladan, under the reign of Esar-haddon, son of Sennacherib, since this king of Babylon had lost his states in his war against the king of Nineveh, grandfather of Esar-haddon, and since Esar-haddon, reigning in the time of the last years of Hezekiah, was at once king of Nineveh and of Babylon? But, if one is unwilling to take account of the discoveries of the learned and if one prefers to rely exclusively upon the Bible, one cannot nevertheless prevent oneself from making this remark: namely that Jehovah, who had said to Hezekiah by the mouth of the prophet Isaiah: « I will deliver Jerusalem, and, if I will that this city be guaranteed against the enemies, it is because of me and because of the good works of David » (2 Kings 19:34), might very well have not waited for the second invasion of Sennacherib; for, since in his quality of Almighty he had decreed that Jerusalem was under his protection, it were better to protect it at once, instead of permitting Sennacherib to carry off all the riches of the country and all the treasures of the temple, the divine dwelling. Neither does one understand why the lord Sabaoth, who solemnly declared himself the protector of the tribe of Judah, and who, by the arm of his exterminating angel, killed in a single night a hundred and eighty-five thousand Assyrians, abandoned some years later that tribe whose rod was to rule for ever, let his sacrosanct sanctuary be destroyed by another army of Assyrians, and saw quite tranquilly that tribe and that of Benjamin, with so many Levites, plunged into irons. Here again, on the subject of Hezekiah, is a fact whose details do not fail to be curious. This prince had mounted the throne at the age of twenty-five years, and God had written, in the book of his destiny, that he should die in his thirty-ninth year; but, in consequence of circumstances which deserve to be mentioned, Jehovah passed the eraser over that page of the great eternal book and inscribed anew that Hezekiah should live to the age of fifty-four. Therefore, in the fourteenth year of his reign, Hezekiah fell ill, by virtue of what was written up above before the stroke of the eraser. The king of Judah did not send for a physician; which was quite useless, since he had at hand the prophet Isaiah, a holy man entirely conversant with what God had decided. Isaiah, learning for what motive the royal invalid was asking to consult him, hastened to come. « And Isaiah said unto Hezekiah: Behold, Adonai maketh known unto thee by my voice to set thy affairs in order at once, seeing that the hour of thy death draweth nigh and that thou art going most certainly to cease to live. Then, Hezekiah turned his face against the wall and prayed unto the Eternal. Remember, Lord, said he, how uprightly I have walked before thee with a pure heart and how I have done all that is agreeable unto thee. And he shed tears in abundance. Meanwhile, Isaiah had withdrawn; but he was not yet gone forth from the antechamber, when God spake unto him thus: Return upon thy steps and tell Hezekiah that, being touched by his tears, I am going to heal him; and in three days he shall be on his feet and shall come to the temple; announce unto him further that I add unto him, from this day, fifteen years of existence. » (2 Kings 20:1-6) Lord Bolingbroke jests upon the instability of the decrees of the Jewish god and asks under what form he was, when, in the middle of the antechamber, he declared to Isaiah his change of will. Isaiah, without being flustered, discharged his new commission. But it appears that, in the presence of these two contradictory prophecies, the dying man was not over-much reassured « Hezekiah asked Isaiah: By what sign will Jehovah show me that I shall be healed and that in three days I shall be able to go to the temple? Isaiah answered him: Behold the sign which the Eternal giveth thee to choose to assure thee that it is my second prophecy which shall be accomplished, and not the first: wilt thou that the shadow of the sun-dial go forward all at once by ten degrees, or preferrest thou that it go back by ten degrees? Hezekiah said unto him: It is easy that the shadow of the iron rod should set itself to advancing ten degrees upon the dial; it is not therefore that which I will, but I ask that it go back ten degrees backward. The prophet Isaiah uttered a cry unto the Eternal, and Adonai made the shadow to go backward by the degrees which it had already run over upon the sun-dial of Ahaz, unto the tenth degree backward. After that, Isaiah caused a marmalade of figs to be put upon the ulcer of Hezekiah, and the king was healed. » (v. 7-11) A cloud of unbelievers swoops down upon this marmalade of figs and upon this sundial on the spree. Either Hezekiah’s malady, say they, was a very small matter, since it was cured by a simple plaster of figs; or else it is the virtue alone of the divine power that worked the cure of the king who was within two fingers of death, and in that case this marmalade is of an absolute uselessness which is glaringly obvious. As for the history of the sundial, Hezekiah produces upon all the critics the effect of a perfect imbecile when he says that it is easier for the shadow to go forward than to go back; in the one case and in the other, the laws of nature are equally violated, and the whole order of the heavens is equally interrupted. Moreover, the retrogression of the shadow upon the sundial of Ahaz appears only a reinforced copy of the miracle of Joshua. On the other hand, the theologians do not hesitate to believe that the sun stopped for Joshua and went back for Hezekiah. Isaiah himself, in chap. 38 of his book of prophecies, returns to this fact and says very plainly: « The sun went back ten degrees »; but it is clear that Isaiah, prophet though he be, is putting his finger in his eye (‘putting his finger in his eye’ — fr. ‘se mettre le doigt dans l’œil’, to be completely mistaken); for the shadow is always opposite the sun, and, if the sun is in the east, the shadow is in the west. In order that the shadow, upon the sundial of Ahaz, should retrograde ten degrees towards the morning, it would have been necessary for the sun to have advanced ten degrees towards the evening. The material fact of the movement of the shadow upon the dial, such as the sacred author indicates it, would therefore be impossible, even if the miracle were possible. Finally, taking everything into consideration, there would have been a double day in nature, and a night totally suppressed! But the most curious of all the strange facts which mark this epoch is the decease of Isaiah: this man, who was the miracle incarnate, could work no miracle at all on the day when his life was in danger. Manasseh, son and successor of Hezekiah, whom the business of the sundial had left highly sceptical, was as impious as his father had been bigoted. Wishing to see whether Isaiah had, for his personal preservation, some marmalade of figs, he had the prophet seized and ordered him to be sawn in two. The unfortunate Isaiah was sawn as though he had been a mere plank; neither Raphael nor any other angel came to his aid. Perhaps Jehovah, during the torture of his faithful servant, was busy with the affairs of some other planet. 349. Disagreeable end of the prophet Isaiah. While we are upon this so entangled period of the end of the kingdom of Judah, it is fitting to speak of Judith, whose sole exploit is for ever celebrated and is narrated in a special book. The episode is so well known that it will suffice to recall it in a few lines. At an epoch which the Bible does not specify, but which shortly precedes the destruction of the kingdom of Judah, the city of Bethulia, entirely unknown to historians and geographers, was placed in a state of blockade by an army of Nebuchadnezzar, commanded by the general Holofernes, a personage of whom there is nowhere any question in the Assyrian documents. Holofernes cut the canals which supplied Bethulia, so that the besieged, deprived of water, were hanging out their tongues like poodles in summer. 350. The city of Bethulia deprived of water. The situation was becoming intolerable. It was then that a pretty Bethulian widow, Judith, whose husband had died of a sunstroke, at the time of the barley harvest, resolved to save her fatherland. For this, she put on her finest robe, perfumed herself with the most exciting odours, and, followed by an old negress, betook herself to the camp of the besiegers. Holofernes, gallant to the utmost degree, following the habit of the rank and file, invited Judith to dine tête-à-tête in his tent. 351. The widow Judith presents herself at the house of Holofernes. They feasted, they emptied numerous cups, they even said agreeable things to each other at dessert. But, after the banquet, while Holofernes, very well pleased with his evening, was lounging upon his couch of repose, Judith nimbly seized a cutting instrument, and, with one sharp stroke, decapitated the general. Let anyone say after that that love does not sometimes make one lose one’s head! 352. Holofernes is immolated by Judith. Then, Judith, without being seen by anybody, went back into the city; the negress, her attendant, had put the head of Holofernes in a sack. They hung upon the walls of Bethulia the phiz (‘the phiz’ — fr. ‘binette’, familiar slang for a person’s face or mug) of the generalissimo of the armies of Nebuchadnezzar. And so, when the besiegers perceived it, they fled at full speed, without even thinking of putting themselves under the orders of another chief. 353. Joyous deliverance of Bethulia. We shall confine ourselves to reproducing Voltaire’s commentary upon this biblical episode: « A geographer would be much put to it to place Bethulia: now it is put forty leagues to the north of Jerusalem, now a few miles to the south; but an honest woman would be still more embarrassed to justify the conduct of the fair Judith. To go and lie with a general of an army in order to cut off his head, that is not modest. To put this head all bloody, with her bloody hands, into a little sack, and to return peaceably with her servant across an army of fifty thousand men, without being stopped by any sentinel, that is not common. A thing still more rare is to have dwelt a hundred and five years after this fine exploit in the house of her late husband as it is said in chapter 16, v. 28. If we suppose that she was thirty years old when she struck this vigorous blow, she would therefore have lived a hundred and thirty-five years. Dom Calmet gets us out of the difficulty by telling us that she was sixty-five when Holofernes was smitten with her extreme beauty: that is the fine age for turning and cutting off heads. But the text plunges us back into another difficulty: it says that nobody troubled Israel as long as she lived; and unfortunately, that was the time of its greatest disasters. » Here, moreover, is the text, translated word for word: « And during all the time that Judith lived, there was none who terrified Israel, until long after her death. » (Judith 16:30, ending the book) This text is going to serve us to show, once more, with what assurance the divine inspirer of the Bible makes game of the faithful. If one admits the interpretation of the Benedictine Calmet and of the Catholic theologians, that is to say that Judith was sixty-five years old (which is nowhere said) when she killed Holofernes, and that verse 28 signifies that she lived a hundred and five years in all, and not a hundred and five years more after her exploit, there none the less remain forty years between the said exploit and the death of the heroine. Now, in comparing the biblical book of Kings (the chapters devoted to the last kings of Judah) with what is known of the history of the empires of Assyria, one finds there the striking proof of the falsehood of the history of Judith. Esar-haddon, of whom there was question a moment ago, second son of Sennacherib, reigned at once over Nineveh and over Babylon, his grandfather Shalmaneser, head of the dynasty of the Sargonides, having driven out of Babylon king Merodach-Baladan, the last descendant of Nabonassar. Esar-haddon kept Nineveh for his capital, but established at Babylon a satrap, Saosduchaeus; the latter, at the death of Esar-haddon (668 B.C.), proclaimed himself independent and reigned at Babylon, in spite of Tiglath-Pileser V, third son of Sennacherib and successor of Esar-haddon, and in spite of Sardanapalus VI, king of Nineveh (from 660 to 647). Finally, Assurdanil II (the Kiniladan of the Greeks), succeeding his father Sardanapalus VI, seized Babylon, from the first year of his reign, that is to say in 647, and established satraps there anew. During the reign of Assurdanil II falls the invasion of the pharaoh Necho, who, crossing Judea in order to go and fight the Assyrians, mortally wounded, at the battle of Megiddo, the pious Josiah, grandson of Manasseh and great-grandson of Hezekiah, king of Judah. On the other hand, at this same epoch, Cyaxares I, whose history is in Herodotus, reigned in Media (635-595) and was exterminating what remained of the Scythians in Asia. Under the reign of Sardanapalus VII, the last of the name and the last king of Nineveh, son of Assurdanil II, the satrap of Babylon, Nabopolassar, declares himself independent, makes an alliance with the king of the Medes, Cyaxares, whose daughter marries his son Nebukadnezzar (Nebuchadnezzar, in the Bible); in 606, Nabopolassar seizes Nineveh with the assistance of Cyaxares; Sardanapalus VII dies, Nineveh is destroyed, it is the end of the second known Assyrian empire. Nabopolassar, whose wife, celebrated in history, is the Egyptian Nitocris, founds the third empire of Assyria, called the Chaldeo-Babylonian empire; Nitocris lavishes embellishments upon Babylon, capital of the new empire, and the crown prince Nebuchadnezzar, having conquered the pharaoh Necho at Carchemish, on the Euphrates, is associated with the crown. It is in that time that Nebuchadnezzar invaded Judea for the first time, in order to chastise king Jehoiakim, son of Josiah, who had taken sides with Necho against the Assyrians; Jerusalem ransoms itself, but a part of the people is carried off to Babylon; it is the beginning of the seventy years of captivity, and from then on the royalty of Judah will last no more than nineteen years. Thus, the facts of this first invasion of Nebuchadnezzar into Judea, facts recognised by the second book of Kings (2 Kings 24), agree in no way with what the Bible relates to us elsewhere on the subject of Judith. If the episode of Holofernes were placed at this epoch, it is beyond doubt that Nebuchadnezzar would have taken vengeance for it, at the time of this first victorious invasion. The historical facts which follow agree no better. In 601, in spite of the warnings of Jeremiah, who felt that the kingdom of Judah was soon going to end pitifully like that of Israel, Jehoiakim ceases to pay tribute to Nebuchadnezzar; it is a revolt of the Jewish kinglet. 354. The prophet Jeremiah, monologuist of lamentations. Is it then that the expedition of Holofernes must be placed? No; for the Israelite arms hardly shine in those years! After four years of devastation of the Jewish territory by the Assyrians, Nebuchadnezzar enters Jerusalem (it is the second taking of the holy city by the armies of Babylon), puts Jehoiakim to death and replaces him by his son, likewise named Jehoiakim, called Jeconiah. But, at the end of three months, Nebuchadnezzar changes his mind; Jehoiakim-Jeconiah is placed among the number of the captives whom the Assyrians carry off to Babylon, after having pillaged the temple; it is Mattaniah, maternal uncle of Jeconiah, whom the conqueror establishes as king of Judah in replacement of the young dethroned and imprisoned prince, and Nebuchadnezzar changes the name of the new king into that of Zedekiah (597). It is not yet at this epoch that the glorious episode of Judith should be placed, is it? Impossible to place it either in the nine years which follow, years of desolation in Judea, years during which the Assyrian yoke weighs more harshly than ever upon the remnants of the Israelite population, left at Jerusalem and other cities of the two tribes of Judah and Benjamin. At last, in 588, the pharaoh Apries, after a successful war against the Tyrians, urges Zedekiah to shake off the yoke of Babylon; Apries is conquered in Egypt itself, and, on the return from his triumphant expedition, Nebuchadnezzar goes to lay siege to Jerusalem for the third time. Judith’s exploit was evidently not accomplished at that moment, since the victory was once more with the enemies of Israel. That is the siege of eighteen months which ended in the taking of Jerusalem and the end of the kingdom of Judah (587), the Assyrians having entered by the breach into the city of David, on the night of the 9th to the 10th of July; the temple and the palace are destroyed, the public edifices and the houses of private persons are burned, the ramparts are demolished; all the royal family is massacred, save Zedekiah who, chained and with his eyes put out, is carried away into captivity to Babylon with the last of the Jews. 355. Nebuchadnezzar destroys the Temple of Jerusalem Therefore, from 606 to 587, Nebuchadnezzar never ceased to be the scourge of Judea; it is solely during this period of time that his armies came upon Hebrew territory, and always they were victorious, whether under the orders of his generals, or whether he commanded them in person; that is expressly acknowledged in the biblical book of Kings. Therefore, given that the book of Judith sets forth the pretended exploit of the heroine while affirming it to have been accomplished against a general of Nebuchadnezzar, given that Assyria had no other king of the name of Nebukadnezzar (Nebuchadnezzar), the book of Judith, from its first line to the last, is an audacious falsehood; and Voltaire was right to say that the epoch assigned by the theologians to the existence of Judith is precisely the epoch of the greatest disasters of the Jewish nation. « Some partisans of Judith, continues Voltaire, have maintained that there was something true in her adventure, since the Jews celebrated every year the feast of this prodigious woman. It has been answered them that, even if the Jews had instituted twelve feasts a year in honour of saint Judith, that would prove nothing. The Greeks might have celebrated the feast of the Trojan horse for all that, and it would be none the less false and none the less ridiculous that Troy had been taken by that great wooden horse. Almost all the feasts of the Greeks and of the ancient Romans celebrated fabulous adventures. Castor and Pollux had certainly not come from heaven and from hell to place themselves at the head of a Roman army, and yet this fine miracle was kept as a feast. They kept as a feast the vestal Sylvia, by whom the god Mars got two children (Romulus and Remus) during her sleep, at a time when the Latins as yet knew neither the god Mars nor the vestals. Every fable had its feast at Rome as at Athens. Every monument had been erected to consecrate an imposture. The more sacred they were the more certain it is that they were ridiculous. And, without seeking examples too far afield, have we not still, in the Greek Church, the fable of the Seven Sleepers, and, in the Roman Church, the fable of the Eleven Thousand Virgins? Is there anything more celebrated in our West than the Epiphany and those three kings Gaspar, Melchior and Balthazar, who come on foot from the extremities of the East to the village of Bethlehem, led by a star? One may say as much of Judith and Holofernes. But there is a still better answer to be made: it is that it is false that the Jews ever had the feast of Judith. It is a forger, a Dominican monk named John Nanni, known under the name of Annius of Viterbo, who had printed, in the 16th century, pretended works of Philo and of Berosus, in which this pretended feast is supposed. It is thus that a thousand opinions have been established: the more ridiculous they were the more vogue they have had. The Thousand and One Nights reign in the world. » CHAPTER 15 During and after the captivity The books of prophecies, — Isaiah and Jeremiah, for example, — offer no interest whatever in the examination which occupies us. If one considers them from the point of view of the facts announced, one notices that the events, as soon as they are indicated with precision, are exclusively of those which could have been related after the event; these narrations, supposedly written in advance, duplicate other passages of the Bible. As for the generality of these prophecies, they are above all as vague as possible; which allows the priests to interpret them as they please, and even to vary their interpretations at the pleasure of their interests and according to the march of events. We shall not linger over these ramblings; it would be to make the reader lose his time, exactly as if we undertook to comment upon the Psalms of David, which likewise form part of the Bible. We shall therefore end this work by grouping in a last chapter all the episodes, affirmed to be truthful by the Church, which constitute more or less dogmatically the history of the Hebrew people from the destruction of the temple by Nebuchadnezzar down to the birth of Jesus Christ; for such is, for Christians, the end of the Old Testament. The reader will thus have a selection of the most curious and the most singular pieces, beginning with Daniel, whose adventures are of the time of Nebuchadnezzar and of his successors. The book of Daniel begins by informing us that king Nebuchadnezzar had brought up at Babylon, among his eunuchs, four young Jews of noble race, chosen from among the fairest of countenance. Ashpenaz, chief of the eunuchs, entrusted to Melzar, deputy chief eunuch, these four adolescents: Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It is not said expressly that they were castrated; but that emerges well enough from the text. However that may be, this education profited the young men admirably, and Nebuchadnezzar, having made them undergo an examination, recognised that they were ten times more intelligent and learned than all the soothsayers and astrologers of his kingdom (Daniel 1). One day, or rather one night, Nebuchadnezzar had a dream, by which he was so troubled that he could not recall it on waking. He summoned before him all his Chaldean magi and called upon them: 1st to tell him what he had dreamed, and 2nd to give him the explanation of it. These answered that the first part of this problem was insoluble; but that, if the king managed to recall the dream, to explain it would be for them the easiest thing in the world. Nebuchadnezzar replied by condemning all the magi to death. The execution was in progress and the four young Hebrews were going to be done for as well, although they had not been called to the royal consultation, when Daniel declared that he took it upon himself to recall to Nebuchadnezzar his dream and to give him an exact interpretation of it. He therefore reminded the king that he had seen a great statue whose head was of gold, the breast and the arms of silver, the belly and the hips of brass, the legs of iron and the feet part of iron and part of clay; and behold a little stone, detaching itself from a neighbouring mountain, came and struck the statue in its feet and broke them, so that the whole statue collapsed, while the little stone became a great mountain which filled all the earth. As for the explanation, Daniel gave it thus: the head of gold is Nebuchadnezzar in person; and after Nebuchadnezzar, there shall arise a kingdom of silver, that is to say a lesser one; then, a third kingdom of brass, which shall dominate the world; and in the fourth place, there shall be another immense kingdom, half iron and half clay, that is to say half strong and half weak; it is then that God shall raise up a fifth kingdom which shall break and consume all the others and shall be established eternally. Nebuchadnezzar, astounded at so much learning, prostrated himself before the young Daniel, made him great presents and named him governor of the province of Babylon; at least, it is the Bible that says so (Daniel 2), for the archaeologists have never discovered anything of the sort in the Assyrian inscriptions. 357. Nebuchadnezzar’s dream explained by Daniel. Some time afterwards, Nebuchadnezzar had set up in the open country, at Dura, in the province of Babylon, a statue all of gold, sixty cubits high and six wide, and assembled, for the day of the inauguration, all the satraps, magistrates, officers, intendants, tax-gatherers, counsellors, governors of the provinces, etc. At some distance from the statue, an immense furnace had been constructed, all ablaze. Then, a herald announced, on behalf of the king, that whoever should not prostrate himself before the golden statue would be cast into the furnace. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego having refused to prostrate themselves, Nebuchadnezzar fell into a great rage, ordered the furnace to be filled with seven times more fuel than usual, and had the three young Hebrews thrown into it. Now, the furnace blazed so fiercely that the men who cast the victims into it were themselves burned alive merely by approaching the fire. And Nebuchadnezzar was at the height of surprise on seeing four men walking about quite tranquilly in the furnace, without being in the least incommoded by the flames; one of these four men was like unto a son of God. Nebuchadnezzar then invited Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to come out of the furnace; which they did. All the satraps, magistrates, governors, counsellors, etc., and the king himself were filled with wonder in considering those men « of whom not a hair was singed, whose drawers had not even the smell of the fire. » Then and there, Nebuchadnezzar promulgated a decree, by virtue of which whoever should say anything unbecoming against the god of the Jews should be cut in pieces and have his house demolished. (Daniel 3) 356. Miracle of the three young Hebrews in the furnace. Chapter 4 is a masterpiece of silliness. The priests relate that Nebuchadnezzar was changed into a beast during seven years of his life; but it is in the Bible that this episode must be read! In his book, Daniel hands the pen to the king of Assyria, and it is Nebuchadnezzar himself who relates what happened to him. « I, Nebuchadnezzar, king of the Assyrians, address myself unto all the peoples and unto the nations of all the tongues that dwell in all the earth; peace be with all! It hath seemed good unto me to make known unto you the signs and the marvels which the sovereign God hath done towards me. » (Daniel 4:1-2) And so on: thirty-seven verses! A whole chapter of the Bible drawn up by Nebuchadnezzar! That, now, is a find; the humbug of the Holy Ghost recoils before no blunder to be made the faithful swallow... So then, Nebuchadnezzar relates that he saw in a dream an immense tree, whose top touched the heavens and upon whose branches perched all the birds of the earth; all at once, a holy one came down from a cloud and commanded that this tree be cut down, that nothing be left of it but the trunk and the roots, that these remains be bound with chains of iron, that this trunk and these roots be watered with dew, and that there be given to this trunk and these roots a beast’s heart during seven times. Nebuchadnezzar says that he consulted Daniel on this subject and that the prophet revealed to him first of all that this tree was his royal person; the rest of the dream indicated that he would be cast down from the throne and changed into a beast for seven years. Pursuing his account, Nebuchadnezzar narrates that in fact, one day when he was walking upon the terrace of his palace and was taking pleasure in admiring the splendours of Babylon, he heard a voice which cried out to him his downfall, and that at once he was driven from his palace, that all men reviled him and that he was reduced to taking refuge in the fields; that there he set to browsing upon grass, having no other nourishment for seven years; that there grew upon his whole body ox-hair and eagle-feathers, and that his nails became like the talons of birds of prey. 358. King Nebuchadnezzar, forerunner of the vegetarians. But, at the end of the seventh year, « I lifted mine eyes toward heaven, relateth Nebuchadnezzar, and my senses of a man came back to me; then, I praised the sovereign God, and I returned to Babylon; all my former counsellors made me festival, the great men of the kingdom asked for me back, I was re-established upon the throne, and my reign ended with more magnificence still than at the beginning ». It is vexatious that Nebuchadnezzar did not make known who had reigned in his place. It goes without saying that the learned have never discovered anything relating to this pretended downfall of the son of Nabopolassar and to his pretended re-establishment upon the throne at the end of seven years. In chapter 5, Daniel, taking up the pen again, reels off to us his stupendous adventure, known under the name of the feast of Belshazzar. On several occasions, the author declares to us that this Belshazzar was the son of Nebuchadnezzar. So then, this king of Assyria gave an extraordinary supper to a thousand of his principal lords, and, at dessert, he had the fancy to make his guests drink out of the sacred vessels which his father had taken from the temple of Jerusalem. Then, all at once, a hand appeared and set to tracing upon the wall letters of an unknown tongue. Belshazzar, frightened, sent for the astrologers, the soothsayers, the most learned of the Chaldeans, promising to give a collar of gold, a robe of scarlet and the third of his kingdom to the first who should decipher this mysterious writing and explain it; but none could satisfy him. Fortunately, the queen remembered Daniel. The prophet arrives and, without batting an eyelid, reads upon the wall the words: Mene, Tekel, Peres. 360. The feast of Belshazzar. Then, without saying to what tongue they belong, he translates them thus, to the great stupefaction of the assembly: « The word Mene signifieth: God hath reckoned thy reign, and he hath put an end thereto. The word Tekel signifieth: Thou hast been weighed in the balance, and thou hast been found too light. The word Peres signifieth: Thy kingdom hath been divided and given unto the Medes and unto the Persians. » Belshazzar, like a man who is as good as his word, at once had Daniel clothed in a robe of scarlet, passed round his neck a collar of gold, and, by a herald, had it proclaimed then and there that the third part of the kingdom should henceforth be under the domination of the prophet. The chapter ends immediately with these two verses (30-31): « That same night, Belshazzar, king of Chaldea, was slain. And Darius the Mede took possession of the kingdom, being sixty and two years old. » This little story of the feast of Belshazzar is not badly imagined; one knows what success it has had; the subject is moreover full of attraction for painters, who have not failed to turn it to account; and so, how many worthy folk believe that it happened! Unluckily, history is there, which formally contradicts the Bible. In the first place, no Belshazzar is mentioned anywhere as having reigned at Babylon. Nebukadnezzar (Nebuchadnezzar) died in 561 (B.C.), leaving a son Evil-merodach, who succeeded him, from 561 to 556, and a daughter, married to Nergalsarassar (Neriglissar), who assassinated his brother-in-law, usurped the throne, and perished a year later (555) in a combat against Cyrus, then king of Persia. The crown did not yet go out of the family of Nebuchadnezzar: it devolved, in the first place, upon his grandson Laborosoarchod, son of Evil-merodach, who reigned only a few months, and in the second place upon Nabonidus, son of the younger brother of Nebuchadnezzar, whom some authors give as a descendant of Semiramis, confounding that queen with Nitocris, the illustrious mother of Nebuchadnezzar. But Nabonidus, who reigned from 555 to 538 and was the last king of Babylon of the dynasty of Nabopolassar, is evidently not the prince whom the Bible calls Belshazzar, since the book of Daniel expressly gives this Belshazzar as the son of Nebuchadnezzar, and since it makes him die on the night of the taking of Babylon by Darius. Now, Cyrus, who as king of Persia had succeeded in 560 his father Cambyses I, and whose mother, Mandane, daughter of Astyages, king of the Medes, was the granddaughter of that Cyaxares I who had Nebuchadnezzar for son-in-law, Cyrus, we say, united the crown of Media to that of Persia in 536, that is to say at the death of Cyaxares II, brother of his mother and his father-in-law, whose only daughter, Bardane, he had married. And it is indeed Cyrus, and not Darius, who took Babylon in 538, putting an end to the reign of Nabonidus, who is evidently not Belshazzar. It is true that Babylon was taken anew, twenty-two years later, and this time by Darius I. And so, some crafty theologians insinuate that the king of Babylon of that other epoch is the Belshazzar of the Bible. But this thesis does not stand up, as soon as one examines it closely. In fact, it is known, over-well known, that Cyrus, having united upon his head the crowns of Persia, of Lydia (544, by dethroning Croesus), of Media and of Assyria, founded the great Persian monarchy by the union of all these states and established the Aryan domination over all western Asia. His son Cambyses II succeeded him, added to the empire Egypt, which he conquered in 525 and died in 522. It is known that, Cambyses having no child and the crown reverting to his brother Smerdis, the latter had been secretly assassinated by the magi of Media who had substituted for him one of their own, who reigned seven months; but, the imposture having been discovered, some Persian lords formed a plot, massacred the magi and the false Smerdis (521) and gave the crown to Darius, twice son-in-law of Cyrus (he had married his daughters Atossa and Artystone), known under the name of Darius I, son of Hystaspes. That is history, that is! And Darius, who reigned from 521 to 486, divided his empire into twenty satrapies. It is true that for a moment the satraps of Babylon, Nabou-Imtouk and his son Belsaroussour, made themselves independent; Darius had to retake Babylon (516). But how maintain that Belsaroussour can be Belshazzar, since this king was only a revolted satrap, and not the very son of Nebuchadnezzar, a description formally given by the Bible to its Belshazzar and repeated several times? Between Nebuchadnezzar and Belsaroussour, nine kings had reigned over Babylon. Moreover, the following chapters of the book of Daniel represent this prophet to us as maintained in the highest functions by Darius and by Cyrus, giving these two kings as reigning simultaneously, the one over the Medes, the other over the Persians. Now, they were, one after the other, at once kings of the Medes and of the Persians, and between the reign of Cyrus and that of his son-in-law Darius, there were Cambyses the conqueror and the false Smerdis. Finally, as it is indisputable that the taking of Babylon which put an end to the Chaldeo-Babylonian empire (dynasty of Nabopolassar, family of Nebuchadnezzar) is that of 538, that is to say the taking of Babylon by Cyrus, other theologians suppose that Darius, commanding the armies of Cyrus, whose son-in-law he was, took possession of the kingdom in the name of his father-in-law, and say that this is understood in verse 31 of chapter 5 cited above. They add, always by hypothesis, that evidently Cyrus remained the high sovereign of all the new Persian empire, but that he must have delegated special powers to his son-in-law Darius, establishing him particularly as king over Chaldea, that is to say over the states of Belshazzar, of which Babylon was the capital. They claim to justify this supposition, basing it upon verse 28 of chapter 6 and upon verse 1 of chapter 9. These verses run thus: « Daniel prospered under the reign of Darius and under the reign of Cyrus, king of Persia (Daniel 6:28). Darius, son of Ahasuerus, of the race of the Medes, had been established king over the kingdom of the Chaldeans (Daniel 9:1). » Thus, say they, Daniel’s account would be reconciled with history. One understands that the priests, who proclaim Daniel one of the greatest prophets to whom God has revealed himself, are so anxious to clear him of all lying braggadocio; it is evident that, if this Jewish writer lied in relating past events of which he was to have been the witness and one of the principal actors, there is no confidence to be had, with all the more reason, in the announcements which he makes of future events: now, as these prophecies, aiming at the Messiah and his Church, are of the greatest importance for Christianity which declares itself the religion thus announced, it must not, at any price, be that Daniel is caught in the flagrant act of imposture. That is why the priests take a devil of a deal of trouble in wishing to prove that, on the last day of the reign of some Belshazzar or other, son of Nebuchadnezzar, Babylon was taken by Darius of Media, acting on Cyrus’s account and invested immediately with the Chaldean royalty. But it is a fatality: Daniel, a braggart and a thoughtless chatterer, believed he was writing only for the low class of the Jewish people, for his ignorant compatriots, incapable of discussing a point of history with the Levites; thus were invented those legends of Holofernes, of Belshazzar, and other episodes of the same kind, very flattering to the self-love of those poor Hebrews who, in reality, had been treated very harshly by their various conquerors: with these jokes about the heroism of the Judiths and the elevation of the Daniels and the Esthers, the national fibre was agreeably tickled, a consolation prize was given, after the captivity, to the vanquished at last delivered from servitude, and these books of a senseless fancy were written, without a suspicion that one day all this scaffolding of falsehoods would collapse and would show the cynical bad faith of the priests of all time. In fact, the theologians’ last argument, to save their Daniel from the accusation of imposture in what concerns Darius and Cyrus, is no more solid than their other hypotheses. Darius was not the son of a king, but the son of a Persian lord, named Hystaspes; he was therefore not the son of Ahasuerus, and Ahasuerus is another imaginary king invented by the Bible, a so-called king of Persia and of Media who is supposed to have married the Jewess Esther. Darius was not of the race of the Medes; quite on the contrary, at the death of Cyrus, who had made the Persian influence predominate in the new empire, the magi of Media took advantage of the expedition of Cambyses into Egypt to try to seize power, and they succeeded in it for some time by placing on the throne the false Smerdis: now, it was precisely in order to eliminate the influence of the Median race that the Persian lords made a revolution, massacred the magi and their partisans, and gave the crown to Darius, son of Hystaspes, of Persian blood. Finally, Darius never had a particular royalty at Babylon: when he received the crown, it was in order to reign as legitimate successor of Cyrus and of Cambyses, it was in order to be head of the great Persian empire, king at one and the same time of Persia properly so called, of Media, of Lydia, of Chaldea, of Bactria and of Egypt. After the fine history of Belshazzar, Daniel relates (Daniel 6) that Darius, having divided his kingdom of Chaldea into a hundred and twenty satrapies, set over the hundred and twenty satraps three governors, and that he, Daniel, was the most important of the three; the other governors and the hundred and twenty satraps, jealous of this immense authority given to a Jew, thenceforth conspired his ruin. For this, they devised having Darius decree that, during thirty days, the royal person should be adored and prayed to, to the exclusion of every god. Naturally, Daniel took no account of this decree, and he continued to address his prayers to Jehovah. Now, when Darius received the denunciation against his prime minister, for whom he had a great affection, he understood that his counsellors had made him fall into a trap; but, his royal word being pledged, he gave the order to lower Daniel into a pit filled with lions. Nevertheless, Darius, although at first devout towards the gods of his country, had a certain confidence in Jehovah, « Darius having commanded that Daniel be cast into the den of lions, said unto him: Thy God, whom thou servest without ceasing, is he who shall deliver thee. And they brought a stone which was laid upon the opening of the den, and the king sealed it with his ring and with the ring of the chief lords. Then, Darius went away into his palace; he passed the evening without supping, caused not his musicians to come, and even he could not sleep all the night. On the morrow, at the break of day, the king arose and betook himself in all haste unto the den of lions; arrived there, he called Daniel with a sad voice, in these terms: Daniel, servant of the living God, would thy God have delivered thee from the lions? Then, Daniel said unto the king: O king, live for ever! My God hath sent his angel, who hath shut the mouth of the lions, and they have done me no harm. Darius was transported with joy on hearing these words; he caused Daniel to be taken up out of the den, and everybody saw well that he had no wound. Straightway, by order of the king, all those who had accused Daniel were cast into the den of lions, together with their wives and their children, and they were devoured by the lions even before having touched the pavement of the den. Then, king Darius wrote a letter which he sent unto all the kings of the earth, and that letter was drawn up thus: To all the peoples and nations of all tongues who dwell upon the earth. Peace be with you! I write unto you to make known unto you that I have just published, throughout all the extent of my kingdom, an edict ordaining that henceforth all my subjects honour and fear the God of Daniel, for he is the living God and the only eternal one, and his almighty power shall rule the heaven and the earth unto the end of time. » (Daniel 6:16-26) 359. Daniel in the lions’ den. The Jewish people must really have been kept by its chiefs in the most complete ignorance of what was going on among the other peoples, and the Levites who wrote these sacred books for it must also have had a phenomenal cheek, for one to find in the Bible affirmations of such audacity, in so flagrant contradiction with history. The conversion of Darius to Jehovah! Judaism proclaimed the state religion by edict of Darius! and this politico-religious event of the greatest importance, brought by royal letters to the knowledge of all peoples! could one have dreamed of a falsehood so impudent? would one believe that it had been possible, if the Bible had not been preserved?... Darius, a worshipper of Sabaoth-Jehovah-Adonai, he who took part, with his riches, in the erection of the temple of Diana at Ephesus; for that famous pagan sanctuary, begun about the year 620 before the Christian era and finished two hundred and twenty years later, was raised at the common expense of all the states of western Asia (Pliny)... On the other hand, Daniel, this pretended prime minister of Darius, says, in his fourteen chapters, not a single word of the war which Darius made upon the Greeks; that formidable war, Daniel has never heard tell of it! he is ignorant even of the battle of Marathon!... Chapters 7 to 12 of the book of Daniel are devoted to dreams which the writer claims to have had and to prophecies. Written by a sincere author, these reveries would already have no value; from the pen of the humbug who has imperturbably related that he had been governor of the province of Babylon under Nebuchadnezzar and, later, prime minister of Darius, these pretended prophecies and visions have not even the attraction of the curiosity which may sometimes attach to the extravagant visions of a madman. What can it matter to us whether Daniel saw or did not see in a dream a lion with eagle’s wings, a bear whose maw was remarkable for three immense fangs, a leopard with four heads having upon its back four bird’s wings, a beast of an indescribable form with ten horns and teeth of iron? What can it matter to us that this brazen joker announces a general resurrection, which will take place, says he, in a time, plus times, plus the half of a time? All that has the same weight as the twaddle reeled off by the first card-telling fortune-teller who comes along. One can, in reading these idiotic pages, only take in aversion the priests who have recourse to them in order to besot the faithful, and take in pity those whose immeasurable silliness accepts as marvellous inspirations these ridiculous stupidities. Chapter 13 sets forth how Daniel saved the life of a virtuous woman whom two old rascals had had condemned to death, and how the calumny of the accusers was demonstrated and had them executed in the place of their victim. The scene takes place at Babylon, in the time of the captivity. The heroine is a certain Susanna, wife of a Jew named Joakim. This Susanna was very beautiful and no less faithful to her husband. Two old magistrates, who came sometimes to bid her husband good day, conceived for her a lively passion. « They were ashamed to declare one to the other the desire they had to lie with Susanna; but they sought carefully, every day, the means of surprising her. » (Daniel 13:11-12) Chance obliged them one day to make each other the mutual confidence of their guilty love; they resolved, from then on, to manoeuvre in concert in order to constrain Susanna to yield to them. It was thus that they hid themselves in the garden where she sometimes came to bathe; they waited until she was naked, after she had sent away her maidservants; then, showing themselves suddenly, they demanded her submission to their impure desires, threatening to say that they had found her with a lover, if she resisted them. Susanna wept, but resisted. The two old judges cried out, roused up the people of the house, the neighbours, and made such a stir, that an assembly of the people was convoked to be held on the morrow before the house of Joakim. 361. The chaste Susanna, surprised at the bath. What a droll captivity all the same! Here are the Jews, prisoners of war, interned at Babylon, whom the authorities allow to assemble in a deliberating assembly, in a tribunal of high justice, absolutely as if they were at home, at Jerusalem! One would rather have thought that Susanna, accused of adultery by two Babylonian magistrates, was going to be handed over to the ordinary judges of Babylon, to the Chaldean judges instituted by Nebuchadnezzar; for the episode is of the time of Daniel’s youth. All the Jews captive at Babylon therefore assembled at the appointed hour, in complete liberty. Susanna appeared before the popular assembly. The two old Babylonian judges maintained their accusation. Each laying his hand upon the head of Joakim’s wife, they swore that they had surprised her in the garden, quite naked under the pretext of a bath, and making love with a young man; the latter, said they, had been stronger than they, they had not been able to hold him back; that is how the accomplice of the adultery had managed to escape. Susanna denied it, without however saying why the two old rascals were bearing false witness against her; but she addressed, aloud, a prayer to Jehovah, attesting that she was unjustly condemned; for the people had believed her calumniators and had deliberated that she must perish. 362. The two old men have Susanna condemned. They were therefore about to carry the sentence into execution, when young Daniel, from the midst of the crowd, asked leave to speak, obtained it, and undertook to prove the innocence of this Susanna, whom he was seeing for the first time. On his initiative, the two accusers were separated. Then, one of them was called back, and Daniel began his rating in these terms: « O thou who hast grown old in a long malice, now are come to their height the sins which thou didst commit aforetime, in rendering unjust sentences, condemning the innocent and absolving the guilty! Now therefore, if thou hast seen this woman in fault, say under what tree thou didst surprise her with her lover? He answered: Under a mastick tree. And Daniel said unto him: Verily thou hast lied against thine own head; for, behold the messenger of God who, having received from him the sentence, shall cut thee through the midst! » (Daniel 13:52-55) It will perhaps be thought that Daniel, before treating the first false witness as a liar, ought to have waited for the contradictory answer of the second, since it was solely this contradiction that was to prove the calumny of the accusers. But a young lad who was later to read upon a wall and translate words belonging to no human tongue, was evidently not like other men. « And Daniel, after having caused the first old man to be withdrawn apart, commanded that the other be brought, and said unto him: O old sperm of Canaan! the beauty of Judah hath kindled thy lusts. Behold how ye have abused the daughters of Israel, and, for fear of you, they have suffered that ye should enter into them; but the daughter of Judah, more valiant than the daughters of Israel, hath not suffered your iniquity! Now therefore, say under what tree thou didst surprise this woman with her lover. He answered: Under a holm-oak. » (Daniel 13:56-58). 363. Daniel convicts the two old men of calumny. The case was heard, the false witness was evident. It is clear that the two old Babylonian magistrates deserved an exemplary chastisement. But who then was going to judge them? The Bible affirms that their condemnation was pronounced and executed by the popular assembly of the captive Jews! « Then, all the assembly blessed Jehovah with a loud voice; and all rose up against the two old judges, for Daniel had convicted them of false witness by their own mouth. And, applying unto them the law of Moses, they dealt with them even as they had wickedly wished to have Susanna dealt with; they put them therefore to death, and thus innocent blood was saved that day. » (Daniel 13:60-62) 364. Execution of the two calumniating old men. Supposing this history true, including the execution, it is certain that the two old rascals had richly earned it; but, however unworthy of pity they were, it is no less certain that the judgment of their case belonged to the Babylonian tribunals; that is why this conclusion suffices, by itself alone, to prove the falsehood of the biblical account. It is inadmissible that the magistrates of Nebuchadnezzar should have let two of their own, even indisputably guilty, be judged and put to death by a meeting of prisoners of war, held in servitude; it is impossible that Jews, in a state of slavery at Babylon, should have been able freely and publicly to apply the law of Moses to two functionaries of the Babylonian state, to two official personages who were among the number of their masters and oppressors. And the history of Susanna and the two old men is one of those which are most easily admitted! Art has laid hold of it to popularise it; it is a respected tradition, which the multitude believes. Truly, we shall say, the Bible is not read enough; for to read it is to despise it and to cease believing in it, so clumsy, by dint of cynicism, are the impostures that compose it! In chapter 14 and last of the book of Daniel, we have first of all a flagrant historical falsehood: « King Astyages being dead, Cyrus of Persia was put in possession of his kingdom; and Daniel ate at the table of the king, who accorded him honours more than unto all his best friends. » (v. 1) The Levite who wrote this book does not even know that Astyages, king of Media, who died in 559, whose daughter Mandane was the mother of Cyrus, left a son, Cyaxares II, who succeeded him and reigned twenty-three years; this Levite is ignorant that it is only at the death of Cyaxares (536), that Cyrus, who was at once his nephew and his son-in-law, had in inheritance that crown of Media which he united to the crown of Persia, Cyaxares II having left no male child. Beginning therefore with so strong a joke, this chapter promises well. It is there that we learn that Cyrus worshipped at Babylon an idol, named Bel; numerous commentators see in it Baal once more. Now, the priests of Bel or Baal pretended that their idol devoured during the night all the dishes which the faithful deposited upon its altar during the day. The Bible would have us believe that Cyrus had the simplicity to swallow a blunder of that calibre, and that he even tried to convince Daniel: « Although the idol Bel be of earth overlaid with copper, said he, it is a perfectly living god, since it eateth and drinketh every day. » (v. 5). Daniel, having pity on the gullibility of Cyrus, decided him to attempt a test. Meats and wine were brought as usual upon the altar of Bel, and the sacrificers were made to withdraw; then, Daniel, in the presence of the king alone, spread ashes upon the ground; after which, the king and he went away, and Cyrus took care to place his seal upon all the doors. But the priests had a trap-door beneath the altar; they came therefore in the night by this secret entrance and carried off all the victuals to guzzle them with their families. The next day, the fraud was easily demonstrated by the footprints upon the ashes. Cyrus fell into a towering rage, on seeing that he had been so long duped; he had all the sacrificers of Bel massacred, with their wives and their children, and gave the idol to Daniel, who destroyed it along with its temple. 366. Daniel demonstrates the imposture of the priests of Bel. « Now, there was also at Babylon a great dragon, and the Babylonians adored it. » (v. 22) Cyrus said to Daniel: This monster is not an idol of matter; he is truly alive; consequently, he is a god. Daniel asked the king simply to grant him permission to fight this dragon without sword and without staff. Cyrus having consented to it, « Daniel took pitch, fat and flock, which he caused to be boiled together, and he made thereof cakes which he cast into the mouth of the dragon, and the dragon burst. » (v. 26) 365. Daniel poisons the dragon of the Babylonians. The people having shown themselves discontented at the death of the dragon, Cyrus, in order to appease the riot already muttering, had Daniel thrown into the famous lions’ den. Cyrus and the Babylonians ought to have known that Daniel would not be devoured, since the adventure had already had a first edition; but the sacred author gets entangled here in his falsehoods in the most comical fashion. The first time that he puts Daniel in the lions’ den, it is in the time of Darius, and that king leaves him there only one night. This time, Daniel passes six days and six nights in the midst of the wild beasts; for the second miracle must be more striking still than the first. « Now, there were in the den seven lions, and every day aforetime they were given two carcasses and two sheep; but then they were given nothing, that they might devour Daniel. » (v. 31). This time, therefore, it is going to be necessary not only that God should preserve his prophet from the claws and the teeth of the lions, but also that he should feed him. In this way, the miracle will leave nothing to be desired. The sequel of the episode is therefore more admirable than all that has been read up to the present. « Now, a prophet named Habakkuk had remained in Judea; and, one day when he was making ready to go carry unto some reapers in the fields a pottage of bread which he had cooked and which he held in a vessel, an angel appeared unto him and said unto him: Habakkuk, go carry to Babylon this dinner unto Daniel, who is in the den of lions. Habakkuk answered: Lord, I never saw Babylon, and I know not where that den is. Then the angel took Habakkuk by the crown of the head, and, holding him by the hair, transported him unto Babylon, above the den. There, Habakkuk cried: Daniel, Daniel, behold the dinner which God sendeth thee. Thus, Daniel ate. Then, the angel of the Lord transported Habakkuk back again unto the place where he had taken him. And on the seventh day king Cyrus came to weep for Daniel; he came unto the den and looked therein, and he saw that Daniel was quite alive, tranquilly seated in the midst of the lions. » (Daniel 14:32-39). 367. Habakkuk, carried by the hair, brings the soup to Daniel. Of course, Cyrus, imitating Darius, had Daniel drawn out of the den and commanded that his enemies be cast into it, and they were immediately devoured. The miracle of the lions’ den of Cyrus therefore sinks the miracle of the lions’ den of Darius into the sixth cellar (‘into the sixth cellar’ — fr. ‘enfoncer dans le sixième dessous’, from the stage, where the ‘dessous’ are the cellars beneath it: to outclass something utterly); but there is a little difficulty which the critics raise: it is that Darius mounted the throne nine years after the death of Cyrus; in dictating his jokes to the Levite writer, the Holy Ghost forgot his chronology, got muddled in it, and, like a regular scatterbrain, quite simply inverted the order of succession of these two kings! Ezekiel is, with Isaiah, Jeremiah and Daniel, one of the four great prophets; he writes his prophecies on the banks of the river Chebar (?), where he was a captive. If Daniel is a humbug, on the other hand, Ezekiel produces the effect of a madman; his book, in forty-eight chapters, is a long series of ramblings. He relates, notably, that he saw (not in a dream) four animals each having a man’s body, four wings, calf’s feet, and four faces, of a man, of an ox, of a lion and of an eagle; their aspect was that of an animal all on fire; they went and came; beside them ran wheels of an immense height and filled with eyes (Ezekiel 1). This description gives an idea of the cerebral derangement of the personage. This prophet relates what he did, by order of God. One day, he ate a book upon which were written lamentations and maledictions (Ezekiel 2). Some time afterwards, he lay for three hundred and ninety days upon his left side, in expiation of the iniquities of the kingdom of Israel, and then for forty days upon his right side, in expiation of the sins of the kingdom of Judah (Ezekiel 4). Moreover, all the time that this double expiation lasted, Ezekiel ate caca spread upon bread, at his breakfast. It is Jehovah in person who had ordered him this mortification: « In the presence of the children of Israel, they seeing it, thou shalt eat every morning man’s excrements spread upon barley cakes, which thou shalt have baked. » (v. 12). 368. Caca spread on bread, breakfast of the prophet Ezekiel. However, this nourishment having disgusted the prophet, God consented to a change: « I permit thee ox dung, instead of man’s shit, and thou shalt bake thy bread with that dung. » (v. 15). On another occasion, being in a house and wishing to go away, Ezekiel, instead of passing by the door, like everybody else, made a hole in the wall and moved out through this hole with his clothes and his provisions (Ezekiel 12:7). 369. Ezekiel invents a new mode of moving house. In chapter 37, Ezekiel narrates that, walking in a country full of dried bones, he animated them by making them a speech. 370. The prophet Ezekiel invents the polka of the dead men’s bones. But, of all the passages of Ezekiel, the one which has excited the most murmurs among the critics, and which has most embarrassed the theologians, is the apologue of Aholah and Aholibah, the two prostituted sisters. Under the pretext of branding the want of faith of Israel and the religious indifference of Judah at certain epochs, Ezekiel makes Jehovah speak in the terms of the most disgusting obscenity: « My heart is detached from Aholibah, as it had been detached from her sister Aholah; for she hath multiplied her adulteries, even to calling back the remembrance of her youth wherein she prostituted herself in Egypt; and she hath attached herself by preference unto the debauched whose member is big as that of asses and whose ejaculation is powerful as that of horses. » (Ezekiel 23:18-20). Such are the shameful comparisons that one finds in the Bible, under the pretext of an apologue, whose mystical sense, according to the priests, one must admire. Mysticism? What a mockery! To express that the two kingdoms of Israel and of Judah had been wanting in piety towards Jehovah, was it then necessary to write such filth?... Another prophet who takes delight in nastiness is Hosea, whose accounts relate to facts actually lived, and who, while claiming to have visions of Jehovah, completes them by acts tolerably repugnant. This Hosea, born among the Samaritans, nevertheless attached himself to the worship of Jerusalem. The Bible cites him as a model of obedience to God; but what strange orders God gives him!... « When the Eternal began to speak unto Hosea, he said unto him: Take for wife a prostitute, and fornicate with her, so as to have of her children of prostitution. » (Hosea 1:2) It is thus that our man justifies himself for having married a woman of evil life. If this prophet is to be believed, God enjoined him later to lie with the wife of one of his friends, but on the condition, however, that she had already deceived her husband: « The Eternal said unto me: Go yet love a woman beloved of her husband, but having given herself to adultery; for it is thus that Jehovah loveth the children of Israel, who nevertheless honour other gods and rejoice to drink flagons of wine. To obey God, I entered therefore into that woman, after having given her fifteen pieces of silver and a bushel and a half of barley. And I said unto that woman: We shall dwell together during many days; thou shalt lie with none other than me; and I promise thee to be faithful unto thee. » (Hosea 3:1-3). But what conclusion is to be drawn from passages of this kind, so multiplied in the Bible, save that the people of God was a people of lechers, recoiling before no immodesty, at the same time as a people of splendid drunkards, if we are to believe these words of Joel, another sacred prophet: « Drunkards, awake and weep, and all ye who drink the wine, howl because of that liquor which cometh forth from the vintage; for I am going henceforth to deprive your mouth thereof. » (Joel 1:5) The book of Esther comes into the category of works written indubitably to dress the wounds of Jewish self-love. We have seen that Daniel had the assurance to write that he had been the prime minister of Darius, to whom he gave for father a pretended Ahasuerus; some other Levite, of a cheek no less formidable, has had the assurance to write the history of this Ahasuerus, of this myth, to make of him a monarch whose kingdom, having Susa for capital, comprised a hundred and twenty-seven provinces and extended from India to Ethiopia, and to make him marry a Jewess. According to the Bible, then, in the third year of his reign, this Ahasuerus, unknown to historians, gave an incomparable feast, which lasted a hundred and eighty days (Esther 1:4). Towards the end of the repast, the monarch invited all the people of Susa for seven days, from the richest to the poorest (Esther 1:5). Now, on the seventh day of the popular banquet, the king, being merrier than usual, because of the wine that he had drunk, commanded his eunuchs « to bring Vashti, the queen, before him, all naked, with the royal crown, to show her beauty unto the lords and unto the people; for she was fair. » (v. 11) But queen Vashti refused. The king, transported with fury, consulted seven sages; in consequence of which, Vashti was repudiated, and by an edict her diadem was promised to the prettiest maiden who should please the king. Under the guard of Hegai, chief eunuch, a great number of young girls were thus assembled; each, in her turn, was to pass a night on trial in the bed of His Majesty. « Now, there was at Susa a Jew named Mordecai, son of Jair, of the tribe of Benjamin, who had been carried away from Jerusalem with the prisoners whom Nebuchadnezzar led away, when he captured Jeconiah. Mordecai was bringing up his young niece Hadassah, an orphan of father and mother; he treated her as his own daughter, and he called her Esther. It is under that name that he made her enter into the seraglio of Ahasuerus; for she was very fair. Esther, following the recommendation of her uncle, declared not that she was a Jewess. And she was of those who pleased the king, from the first glance; wherefore the king caused to be done for her all that was needful to prepare her, until her turn should come to lie in the royal bed. Every young girl destined to enter into the bed of Ahasuerus had to, during six months, rub herself with oil of myrrh, and, during six other months, with aromatic plants. Then, she was delivered into the hands of the king, after having received all that she asked. She entered the palace in the evening, and, towards the morning, she returned into the second seraglio, her new dwelling, under the conduct of the eunuch prince Shaashgaz, keeper of the concubines; but, from then on, she returned no more unto the palace of Ahasuerus, unless the king desired yet to lie with her and she were called by name. When Esther’s turn was come, she asked nothing but what Hegai counselled her to ask. Thus, she was definitively conducted unto Ahasuerus, in his royal palace, in the tenth month of the seventh year of his reign. And the king loved Esther more than all the other maidens whom he had tried aforetime; she gained his good graces and knew how to be more agreeable than all; he put therefore the diadem upon her head and proclaimed her queen in the place of Vashti. » (Esther 2:5-17). 371. Ahasuerus repudiates Vashti and marries Esther. Some time afterwards, Ahasuerus had for prime minister Haman, son of Hammedatha, of the race of Agag. Now, Haman, very proud, wished that everybody should kneel before him; Mordecai alone dared to resist this order. Furious, the minister obtained from the king an edict ordering the massacre of all the Jews; in spite of all his subtle wit, Haman had not found another means of striking at Mordecai. But, while the edict of death was being dispatched to all the governments of the provinces, Mordecai warned Esther, and she betook herself to the king, without waiting to be summoned; which was very serious. Whoever approached the king, without having been sent for, was by that fact condemned to death, unless the king held out to him his sceptre of gold as a sign of pardon for his temerity. Esther chanced it; Ahasuerus, astonished, but at once charmed, held out his sceptre to the amiable queen, and asked her what she desired, offering her even the half of his kingdom. Esther begged the king to be so good as to come and dine at her house, bringing Haman with him. 372. Haman’s pride, and fine attitude of Mordecai. The dinner took place, and Ahasuerus, greatly intrigued, repeated, at dessert, his offer of a division of the kingdom. Esther declined it, but begged her royal husband to do her the honour of dining at her house again, on the morrow, always with Haman. The latter was so proud at being honoured to this degree by the queen, that he plumed himself upon it before Zeresh, his wife, and all his friends; but, as nevertheless the independence of Mordecai mortified him more than ever, he had a gallows made fifty cubits high, promising himself that the detested Jew, whose kinship with the queen he did not know, should be hung upon it (Esther 3, 4, 5). However, Ahasuerus, being unable to sleep that night, had the annals of his reign read to him, in order to divert himself; he thus had occasion to learn that two of his eunuchs, named Bigthan and Teresh, had formed, at a time already fairly distant, the design of assassinating him, but that this plot had been revealed to the authorities by a certain Mordecai, who had thus preserved his royal existence. Ahasuerus asked what recompense this Mordecai had received. None, he was answered. That is why, in the morning, when Haman presented himself before the sovereign, the latter said to him: Haman, advise me; what ought to be done to a man whom the king would wish to honour in a quite extraordinary fashion? Haman, imagining that it was of himself that there was question, answered: King, this man must be clothed in your royal mantle, your crown must be put upon him, he must be mounted upon your horse; this man must next be paraded thus through the streets of your capital, the horse being held by the bridle by one of the greatest lords of the kingdom, who shall cry out to the people: Behold the man whom the king wills to be honoured for ever in his kingdom! Then the king said to him: Thou art right; so then, go to a certain Mordecai, and parade him through the whole city as thou hast just said. Haman had to comply. One may imagine how unwillingly he did it! (Esther 6). In the evening, queen Esther gave her second dinner to Ahasuerus, accompanied by Haman; but the minister was no longer so spruce as the day before. For the third time, Ahasuerus offered Esther to grant her all she might desire, were it the half of his kingdom. The queen answered him: O king, grant me that I may live and that those of my race be not exterminated! 373. Esther entreats Ahasuerus to spare the Jews. Ahasuerus, who had married Esther without knowing of what race she was, then became greatly perplexed. What does this mean? thought he. And when the queen had affirmed to him that an enemy of her race had contrived a general extermination and that it was for that reason that she implored the sovereign clemency, Ahasuerus, understanding nothing of it, cried out: Who is and where is this man who has had the audacity to contrive the extermination of the race to which belongs queen Esther, who is so dear to me? Esther thereupon answered: This enemy, the oppressor of my race, is that wicked Haman, here present. 374. Haman is accused by the queen of having wished her death. Confusion of Haman, great wrath of the king; entrance of a eunuch, coming to say that a high gallows destined for Mordecai has been erected by order of the minister. 375. Mordecai is led in triumph by Haman himself. Conclusion: Ahasuerus orders that Haman be hanged upon his own gallows; the royal order is at once executed, and Mordecai is named prime minister. (Esther 7, 8) 376. Hanging of Haman upon the gallows he destined for Mordecai. With the king’s consent, Esther and Mordecai had it published that the Jews, whose massacre had been announced by Haman for the thirteenth day of the month Adar, should have the right, on that day and the next, to massacre whoever had ill-treated them since the beginning of their captivity. Eight hundred persons had their throats cut in this way at Susa, and seventy-five thousand in the other cities of the kingdom. On the fifteenth day of Adar, the Israelites banqueted joyously everywhere. Esther made an edict declaring that in future the Jews should celebrate every year the memory of these events (Esther 9). These are the feasts of Purim, which are still observed in our day by the Israelites: one day of fasting, in memory of the alarms and the prayers of the myth Esther, and two days of rejoicing, in memory of the pretended massacres. Such is the tale of Esther, of which the priests have made a sacred history, in which one must have faith, in spite of its crying improbabilities. It is always by an act of immodesty that a holy legend begins: if queen Vashti was repudiated for having refused to appear stark naked before the lords and the subjects of Ahasuerus, it is understood that the fair Esther, in placing herself among the number of the candidates for Vashti’s succession, was disposed to bend to the caprice of the king. The critics say also that never does the sultan of the Turks, nor he of Morocco, nor the shah of Persia, nor the great Mogul, nor the emperor of China receive a girl into his seraglio without her genealogy being brought and certificates of the place where she was taken; there is not an Arab horse in the stables of the Grand Signior whose genealogy is not in the hands of the master of the horse: how then should Ahasuerus not have been informed of the fatherland, the family and the religion of a girl whom he was marrying solemnly and proclaiming queen?... As for this Haman, who wants to have a whole nation massacred because one individual of that nation refuses to prostrate himself before him, and that at a time when the other Jews whom he dooms to this butchery do render him this honour that he desires, it must be avowed that never did a folly so ridiculous and so horrible enter into anybody’s head. On the other hand, if one admits, according to the Bible, that Esther succeeded in becoming queen and in keeping the crown by concealing that she was a Jewess, the glory of that elevation is singularly diminished from the point of view of the national self-love; and, moreover, one does not see how Ahasuerus can judge Haman guilty of having wished to have his dear Esther butchered in her quality of a Jewess, since precisely nobody knows to what race she belongs!... Finally, the execrable cruelty of the gentle Esther, in ending the tale, adds the odious to the ridiculous. « We are not ignorant, says Voltaire, that the fable of Esther has a seductive side: a captive become a queen, and saving from death all her compatriots, is a subject for a romance and for a tragedy. But how spoiled it is by the contradictions and the absurdities with which it overflows! how dishonoured it is by the barbarity of Esther, as contrary to the manners of her sex as to probability! » With Ezra and Nehemiah, we come to the liberation of the people of God. According to the fanciful chronology of the Bible, the Jews therefore had a great alleviation of their misfortune under the reign of Ahasuerus, father of Darius, — and let us not forget that Darius was the son of Hystaspes, a Persian lord, who never reigned anywhere, — and under the reign of Darius, who took for prime minister the Jew Daniel, as Ahasuerus had taken the Jew Mordecai. Now, the Bible, we have seen it, places the reign of Cyrus after that of Darius, when one consults the book of the prophet Daniel; but, as soon as one opens the book of the prophet Ezra, Cyrus is followed by Ahasuerus, then by Artaxerxes, then by Darius (Ezra 7:5-7). This new order of succession is no more conformable to history than the other; what gibberish! what a mess! Into the bargain, Ezra and Nehemiah, who are the two prophets upon whom the priests rely to fix the circumstances of the return to Jerusalem, do not even agree between themselves. According to Ezra, it is Cyrus who, from the first year of his reign, authorised the children of Israel to return freely into Judea, and declared in an edict that Jehovah had ordered him to have his temple rebuilt at Jerusalem; the Jews therefore come back to their fatherland, under the leadership of Zerubbabel; unfortunately, the construction is interrupted during the reigns of Ahasuerus and of Artaxerxes, because of difficulties raised by the various peoples who had established themselves in their absence in their country; at last these hostilities ceased shortly after the accession of Darius and the temple was finished in the sixth year of his reign. According to Nehemiah, it is not under Cyrus, but under Artaxerxes, in the twentieth year of his reign, that the Jews were authorised to return to Jerusalem and to raise the city from its ruins, Zerubbabel being at the head of the people at last liberated; the difficulties raised by the peoples occupying their territory are victoriously overcome by the Jews who work with the trowel in one hand and the sword in the other; finally, this sacred author speaks of a journey which he made to Babylon, at the moment when the rebuilding of the temple was being completed, in the thirty-second year of the reign of Artaxerxes (Nehemiah 13:6). Now, Ezra attests in his book that Nehemiah accompanied Zerubbabel at the time of the return into Judea, under the reign of Cyrus, and claims that there was a second repatriation of the Jews under Artaxerxes, but in the seventh year of his reign, and not in the twentieth, and he affirms that it is he, Ezra, who was leading his compatriots this time. Disentangle the truth then in the midst of these flagrant contradictions!... After the books of Ezra, of Nehemiah and of Esther, the priests place in the Bible a book of Job, relating a history whose date is nowhere indicated. This history may be summed up thus: — In the land of Uz (?), there lived a man immensely rich, a faithful servant of God. Now, it happened one day, in the eternal kingdom where the angels are, that God said to Satan, who was among them: Whence comest thou? And Satan answered Jehovah: I have just been walking upon the earth, I have run about there here and there. Then God resumed: If it is so, thou hast doubtless met my servant Job, who has no equal in the world for piety. 377. Job, immensely rich, is the happiest of men. And Satan replied: If he is pious, it is because thou hast loaded him with goods; but take away his riches from him, and thou shalt see what maledictions he will utter! Jehovah would not personally cause any affliction to his faithful servant; on the other hand, he authorised Satan to persecute him as much as he pleased. Thou canst make him suffer everything, with the exception of death, said he to the malicious angel. Sir Satan did not fail to make use of the permission. First, a tribe of Arabs steals from Job his 500 yoke of oxen and his 500 she-asses; the lightning falls upon his flocks (7,000 sheep) and annihilates them, together with their shepherds; Chaldean horsemen take from him his 3,000 camels and put their keepers to the edge of the sword; finally, a furious wind, blowing from the desert, overturns the house where his seven sons and his three daughters were drinking, and buries them under the ruins. Job learns of all these misfortunes one upon another; but, as he is of a well-made temper, he goes down on his knees and cries out: « Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb; what mattereth it that I have nothing more? God had given me all, God hath taken all back from me; blessed be his holy name! » 378. Job becomes all at once the poorest man in the world. But Satan does not consider himself beaten. The unfortunate Job soon sees himself covered with a hideous sore, which spreads from his head to the sole of his feet. Seated upon a dunghill, he removes with the shards of a broken pot the fetid humour which flows from his ulcers. His wife herself comes to rail at him; but Job answers still in a resigned voice: « We hold everything from God; if we have received from him the goods, wherefore should we not receive the evils thereof? » Three of his friends, Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, informed of his misfortunes, came to see him; « and they sat down on the ground with him during seven days and seven nights, without saying unto him any word; for they saw that his grief was exceeding great ». 379. Unalterable patience of Job in the midst of his sufferings. All at once, Job bursts out into violent complaints about his afflictions; he curses the day of his birth. « Why did I not die on coming forth from my mother’s womb! or wherefore was I not as an untimely birth? » And he calls loudly for death. These complaints form the 26 verses of chapter 3; but, as they are in contradiction with the principal subject of the book, they are never spoken of in the manuals of sacred history. In fact, it would suffice that the book stopped there; Satan, who is represented as having made a sort of wager with Jehovah, is the winner, as soon as Job loses patience and reproaches God with having brought him into the world and with not taking him out of it now. Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar then undertake to lecture Job; they humiliate him by declaring to him that adversities fall only upon the wicked. Job calls God to witness his innocence and protests that he is unjustly oppressed. This dialogue between Job and his friends lasts twenty-nine chapters. All at once, in chapter 32, there arises a new interlocutor, named Elihu, younger than the others, who takes up the word not in order to accuse Job of having merited by his crimes the severe chastisements which Jehovah has inflicted upon him, but in order to point out to him that he has shown too much pride in protesting his innocence, because, says he, no mortal can flatter himself that he penetrates into the judgments of God and that he has always remained perfectly pure in his eyes. Then, Jehovah himself arrives in a whirlwind, and, after having blamed the presumption of young Elihu, recalls some of the prodigies which show his power. Then, Job acknowledges that he has gone beyond the bounds which his weakness and his ignorance ought to have imposed upon him, and God, satisfied with his submission, cures him of his ills and restores to him twofold the goods he had lost. 380. God rewards Job by restoring his goods to him. In his discourse, Jehovah cites, in witness of his power, two extraordinary animals, the Behemoth and the Leviathan, whose fantastic description takes up two chapters. As for Satan, there is no further question of him. The last chapter (Job 42) informs us that Job had seven more sons and three daughters and that he lived a hundred and forty years after this terrible trial of his life. As one sees, this book of Job does not offer a very thrilling interest. The critics note in it this singularity: Satan, of whom there is question for the first time, going and coming in heaven among the good angels and wagering that the good fellow Job will commit the great sin of uttering maledictions, if he is overwhelmed with wretchedness and disease; and God accepting the wager, in the hope that his faithful servant will be patient to the end. Behold then Jehovah who is ignorant of the future and who even deceives himself in his forecasts, since Job lets himself go so far as to curse. We have seen that the Bible reckons four great prophets, supposed authors of books; it also gives some books supposedly written by minor prophets, to the number of twelve. They are named: Hosea (of whom we have reproduced a short extract), Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah and Malachi. Without contradiction, Jonah is the only one who deserves to be cited; « the history of the twelve minor prophets, says the Benedictine Calmet, furnishes us with nothing that approaches so near the marvellous as the life of Jonah ». He was a Galilean, of the tribe of Zebulun. The commentators make him live under Jeroboam II, king of Israel; consequently, he was born among the heretics. One day, he received from Jehovah the order to go and preach to the idolatrous inhabitants of Nineveh. He is the only one, moreover, who had such a mission. In what language did he preach? asks Voltaire, who further observes that there were four hundred leagues from his fatherland to Nineveh. — One must believe that Jonah foresaw, for his preaching, no success but a pelting with baked apples (‘a pelting with baked apples’ — fr. ‘un succès de pommes cuites’, a complete fiasco, from the cooked apples once thrown at bad performers); for, instead of betaking himself to Nineveh, he made off nimbly in the opposite direction, went down to Joppa, a sea-port, and there embarked, after paying his passage, on a vessel that was weighing anchor for Tarshish. 381. Jonah, sent by God to Nineveh, makes off for Tarshish. Once at sea, a horrible tempest arises; a strange thing, this tempest puts Jonah to sleep. The sailors, seized with fright, begin by throwing the whole cargo into the water; but the vessel, although lightened, is shaken worse than ever. Then, the master-pilot wakes Jonah and adjures him to invoke his God in order to appease the storm; Jonah does nothing of the sort. The sea growing more and more agitated, the sailors draw lots, to learn which of the passengers or of the men of the crew is the cause of this tempest; the lot falls upon Jonah; he is thrown into the sea, and the tempest ceases, in that same instant. 382. Tempest at sea upon the vessel where Jonah is. The recalcitrant prophet was in the act of taking a drink, when a whale from the North pole, loafing by chance in the Mediterranean, presented itself to him, opened its maw and swallowed him. 383. Jonah, thrown into the water, is swallowed by a whale. Jonah was not expecting this new adventure; nevertheless, as there was no way of doing otherwise, he took the course of awaiting events, in his strange dwelling. The Bible represents him to us during three days and three nights in the belly of the whale and there singing a fairly long canticle to Jehovah. 384. Sad reflections of Jonah inside the whale. The latter, who had only wished to give a lesson to his prophet, enjoined the monstrous fish to evacuate Jonah; the fish obeyed, and behold Jonah deposited upon a shore. There is shown, in our day, the spot where the prophet was spat out again by the whale; but the theologians are not agreed as to specifying whether Jonah was vomited or whether he was evacuated by the tail end. 385. Jonah is cast up again by the whale The unbelieving critics say that this account is a fable imitated from the Greek fables. Homer, in his book 20, speaks of the sea monster which threw itself upon Hercules. Lycophron relates that Hercules remained three days and three nights in its belly, that he fed upon its liver after having put it on the gridiron, and that at the end of three days he came out of his prison victorious. One sees that the tale of Hercules is not inferior to that of Jonah. We have also, in pagan mythology, the history of Arion, who, thrown into the sea by sailors, was saved by a porpoise, which carried him on its back as far as Lesbos; but this adventure is not worth those of Jonah and of Hercules. Jonah, on coming out of the whale, therefore betook himself to Nineveh, and announced, on God’s behalf, to the inhabitants the approaching ruin of their city. According to the Bible, he walked about the streets, crying: « Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be destroyed! » 386. Jonah’s preaching at Nineveh. These simple words had a prodigious effect: « The inhabitants believed straightway in Jehovah and clothed themselves with sackcloth; the king also rose up from off his throne, put off his magnificent garment, covered himself with a sack and sat down upon a heap of ashes. And he caused a royal edict to be published ordaining a great fast, not only for the men, but for the beasts as well; and that edict said: Let the beasts, oxen and sheep, as well as the men, be covered with sackcloth, and let all cry unto Jehovah, and let every one turn from his iniquities. » All the inhabitants having thus been converted, God was touched by their repentance; so that Jonah’s prediction was not realised. It was only a very long time afterwards that Nineveh was sacked and ruined. Vexed at the thought that he might be taken for a humbug, Jonah went away from Nineveh and took refuge in a desert. It was atrociously hot, and there was not the smallest shrub on the horizon. « And Jehovah made a kikajon to spring up all at once, which mounted above Jonah and shaded his head; and Jonah rejoiced with a great joy, because of that kikajon. But on the morrow, at dawn, Jehovah put a worm into the kikajon, that worm ate all the sap, and the kikajon dried up. Then, on awaking, Jonah, being no longer protected against the burning wind of the desert, fell into despair and complained bitterly, praying God to make him die and saying: Death is better for me than life. (‘kikajon’ — fr. the word Taxil’s Bible keeps untranslated from the Hebrew; English Bibles render it ‘gourd’, or sometimes ‘castor-oil plant’. Taxil keeps the strange word on purpose — the whole joke of the chapter turns on nobody knowing what the plant was.) 387. The miracle of the kikajon in the desert. And Jehovah appeared and said unto Jonah: How canst thou well afflict thyself thus for this kikajon? Jonah answered: Yea, Lord, I have reason to afflict myself thus, even unto death. And Jehovah said unto him again: Thou wouldest that the worm had spared the kikajon, and yet it is not thou who didst plant it nor who didst make it grow; for it came in one night, and in one night it perished. And I, wherefore should I not spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand human creatures, who know not how to discern their right hand from their left hand, and besides that many beasts? » It is upon this witty divine remark that the book of Jonah ends (in four chapters). It is a poor ending, the miracle of the kikajon being a very small matter beside the miracle of the whale. 388. Lesson given by God to Jonah. Here we are come to the last times of the history of the Hebrew people, before Jesus Christ. The Old Testament has, as its conclusion, the four books of the Maccabees. The first eight verses are devoted to noting the victory of Alexander the Great over Darius III Codomannus and to saying that the Macedonian monarch, having reigned over several countries, died of sickness and divided his immense kingdom among his generals. On the other hand, it is known that, according to a Jewish legend (Josephus, book 11, ch. 8), the high-priest of the Jews, named Jaddus, came out to meet the conqueror, when he drew near to Jerusalem, and showed him pretended predictions, according to which the whole world was to belong to Alexander. Sensible of this flattery, Alexander is said to have spared Jerusalem. 389. Alexander and the high-priest Jaddus. Judea was then subjected to theocratic government: the nation lived in a sort of independence, not being troubled by the neighbouring kingdoms and having no king of its own. The priests governed the people and administered them; the altar was at the same time the throne. At bottom, it was absolutely as if the Jews had had a king, since they paid the high-priest at once the tithe and the tax. 390. Institution of theocratic government. One hardly knows how long this state of relative independence lasted; but, from the books of the Maccabees, whose author is unknown, it results that the Jews had no cause to congratulate themselves upon their relations with the successors of Alexander. Here in what bitter terms the Bible mentions this change of situation: « Alexander being dead, his generals kept their kingdom, each in his own country; and they crowned themselves after his death, and their sons after them, during many years, and the evils were multiplied upon the earth. From them came forth a very wicked race, that of Antiochus the Illustrious. » (1 Maccabees 1:9-11) With the Seleucids, a Greek dynasty which reigned in Syria, it is certain, in fact, that the Israelites saw the evil days dawn again, although the sacred writer strives to raise up, by the account of a few miracles, the prestige of the people of God, once more treated as a vassal and harshly treated. Like all the rest of the Old Testament, the books of the Maccabees swarm with contradictions and gross historical errors. Moreover, the events are related in them with such disorder that it is impossible to disentangle the true from the false, especially if one undertakes to follow these accounts chapter by chapter. Voltaire had the patience to gather together the arguments which the critics bring against the authenticity and the veracity of these last books of the Bible; and so, to conclude, we cannot do better than reproduce the summary of his observations: « 1. — One denies first of all, writes Voltaire, the torture of the seven brothers Maccabees and of their mother (dead under torture for having refused to eat pig’s flesh), because no mention is made of it in the first book, which goes a long way beyond the reign of Antiochus Epiphanes or the Illustrious. 394. Torture of the seven Maccabees and of their mother. Mattathias, father of the Maccabees, had only five sons who all distinguished themselves in the defence of the fatherland. The author of the second book, who relates the torture of the Maccabees (2 Maccabees 7), does not say in what city Antiochus ordered this barbarous execution; and he would have said it, if it had been true. Besides, Antiochus appears wholly incapable of an action so cruel, so cowardly and so useless. He was a very great prince, who had been brought up at Rome. He was worthy of his education, valorous and polished, clement in victory and most affable: he is reproached only with an excessive familiarity, which he had from most of the great men of Rome, whose custom was to win the suffrages of the people by lowering themselves to it. The title of Illustrious which Asia gave him, and which posterity preserves for him, is a fair enough answer to the insults which the Jews have lavished upon his memory. Jerusalem was enclosed within his vast states of Syria. The Jews revolted against him. This prince, conqueror of Egypt, came back to punish them; and, as religion was the eternal pretext of all the seditions and the cruelties of this people, Antiochus, weary of his own tolerance, which emboldened them, ordered at last that there should be but one single worship in his states, that of the gods of Syria. He deprived the rebels of their religion and of their money, two things which were equally dear to them. Antiochus had not acted thus in Egypt, conquered by his arms; on the contrary, he had given back that kingdom to its king with a generosity which had no example save in the greatness of soul with which Porus is said to have been treated by Alexander. If then he had more severity for the Jews, it is that they forced him to it. The Samaritans obeyed him; but Jerusalem defied him, and thence was born that bloody war, in which Judas Maccabaeus and his four brothers did (according to the Bible) such fine things with very small armies. Therefore, the history of the torture of the pretended seven Maccabees and of their father is nothing but a romance. 2. — The romancing author begins his falsehoods by saying that Alexander divided his States among his generals during his lifetime. This error, which has no need of being refuted, gives one the measure of the writer’s learning. 3. — Almost all the particulars reported in the first book of the Maccabees are equally chimerical. He says that Judas Maccabaeus, when he was making war from cavern to cavern in a corner of Judea, wished to be the ally of the Romans (ch. 8): « having learned that there was very far off a Roman people, which had subjugated the Galatians ». Now, this nation of the Galatians was not yet subjugated; it was so only by Cornelius Scipio. 4. — He continues, and says that Antiochus the Great, of whom Antiochus Epiphanes was the son, « had been a captive of the Romans ». It is an evident error: he was conquered by Lucius Scipio surnamed the Asiatic; but he was not a prisoner at all; he made peace, withdrew into his states of Persia, and paid the costs of the war. One sees here a Jewish author ill informed of what goes on in the rest of the world and who speaks at random of what he does not know. 5. — The writer of the Maccabees adds that this Antiochus the Great « ceded unto the Romans the Indies, Media and Lydia ». This becomes too strong. Such impertinence is inconceivable. It is a pity that the Jewish author did not add to it China and Japan! 6. — Next, wishing to appear informed of the government of Rome, he says « that there is elected there every year a sovereign magistrate, whom alone they obey » The ignoramus did not even know that Rome had two consuls. 7. — Judas Maccabaeus and his brothers, if the author is to be believed, send an embassy to the Roman senate; and the ambassadors, by way of a whole harangue, speak thus: « Judas Maccabeus, and his brethren, and the Jews, have sent us unto you to make with you fellowship and peace. » It is much as if a party leader of the republic of San Marino sent ambassadors to the Grand Turk to make an alliance with him. The answer of the Romans, according to the Bible, is no less extraordinary. If there had been, in fact, an embassy at Rome from a well recognised Palestinian republic, if Rome had made a solemn treaty with Jerusalem, Livy and the other historians would have spoken of it. Jewish pride has always exaggerated; but it has never been more ridiculous. 8. — One sees soon afterwards another piece of braggadocio; it is the pretended kinship of the Jews and the Lacedaemonians. The author supposes that a king of Lacedaemon, named Arius, had written to the Jewish high-priest Onias the third, in these terms (ch. 12): « It hath been found in the Scriptures, touching the Spartans and the Jews, that they are brethren, being the one and the other of the race of Abraham; and, now that we know it, ye do well to write to us that ye are at peace; and here is what we have answered: Our cows and our sheep, as well as our fields, are yours; we have ordained that this be made known to you. » One cannot treat seriously ineptitudes so far outside common sense. It resembles Harlequin who declares himself the parish priest of Domfront; and when the judge proves to him that he has lied: « Sir, replies Harlequin, I thought I was. » (‘I thought I was’ — fr. ‘Monsieur, je croyais l’être’, a stock joke of the old Italian comedy, quoted proverbially for an absurd claim serenely maintained) It is not worth the trouble of showing that there never was a king of Sparta named Arius, and that in the time of the high-priest Onias the third, Lacedaemon had no more kings. It would be too great a waste of time to show that Abraham was as unknown in Sparta and in Athens as in Rome. 9. — We venture to add to these so contemptible puerilities the marvellous adventure of Heliodorus, related in the second book, in chapter 3. Seleucus Philopator, elder brother and predecessor of Antiochus Epiphanes, king of Syria, of Persia, of Phoenicia and of Palestine, is informed by a Jew, intendant of the temple, that there is in that fortress an immense treasure. Seleucus, who had need of money for his wars, sends Heliodorus, one of his officers, to ask for this money, as the king of France Francis Ist later asked for the silver grille of Saint-Martin. Heliodorus comes to execute his commission, and comes to an arrangement with the high-priest Onias. 391. Heliodorus comes to ask money of the high-priest Onias. As they were speaking together in the temple, there is seen coming down from heaven a great horse bearing a rider shining with gold. The horse first lets fly with its hoofs « with the fore-feet » at Heliodorus; and two angels who served the horse as grooms, each armed with a handful of rods, whip Heliodorus with all their might. 392. Terrible whipping administered to Heliodorus by two angels. Onias, the high-priest, had the charity to pray to God for him. The two groom angels ceased to whip. They said to the officer: Render thanks to Onias; without his prayers, we should have whipped thee to death. After which, they disappeared. 393. The high-priest Onias intercedes for Heliodorus. It is not said whether, after this flagellation, the high-priest Onias came to terms with his king Seleucus and lent him a few pence. This miracle has appeared all the more impertinent to the critics, in that neither the king of Egypt Shishak, nor the king of Asia Nebuchadnezzar, nor Antiochus Epiphanes, nor Ptolemy Soter, nor the great Pompey, nor Crassus, nor queen Cleopatra, nor the emperor Titus, who all carried off some money from the Jewish temple, were nevertheless whipped by the angels. It is true that a holy monk saw the soul of Charles Martel, whom devils were conducting to hell in a boat, and whom they were whipping in order to punish the conqueror of the Saracens for having appropriated something from the treasure of Saint-Denis; but such cases happen rarely. 10. — We pass over a multitude of anachronisms, of blunders, of transpositions, of ignorances, and of fables, which swarm in the books of the Maccabees, in order to come to the death of Antiochus the Illustrious, described in chapter 11 of the second book. It is a heaping-up of falsehoods, of absurdities and of insults, which move one to pity. According to the author, Antiochus enters Persepolis in order to pillage the city and the temple. It is well enough known that this capital, named Persepolis by the Greeks, had been destroyed by Alexander. The Jews, always isolated among the nations, always occupied with their own interests alone and their own country alone, might well be ignorant of the revolutions of China and of the Indies; but could they be unaware that this city, called Persepolis by the Greeks alone, had not existed for a hundred and sixty years? Its true name was Sestekar. If it had been a Jew of Jerusalem, that is to say an Asiatic, who had written the Maccabees, he would not have given to the residence of the kings of Persia a name which figures solely in the Greek books. Whence one concludes that these last books of the Old Testament can only have been written by one of those Hellenistic Jews of Alexandria, who was beginning to want to become an orator. But here is another reason for doubting. In the first book, it is said that Antiochus Epiphanes wished to seize the golden shields left by Alexander the Great in the city of Elymais on the road to Ecbatana, which is the same as Rages, and that he died of grief in that country on learning that the Maccabees had resisted his troops in Judea. In the second book, it is said, on the contrary, that this king fell from his chariot; that he was so bruised in his fall that gangrene set into his body; that his flesh swarmed with worms; and that he then asked pardon of the god of the Jews. It is there that we have that so well known verse, of which such use has been made: « The villain implored the mercy of the Lord, which he was not to obtain ». The author adds that Antiochus promised Jehovah to become a Jew. This last touch suffices: it is as if Charles the Fifth had promised to turn Turk. We shall say but a word of the third book of the Maccabees, and nothing of the fourth, both unanimously held to be apocryphal. Here is a little story from the third; the scene is in Egypt. King Ptolemy Philopator is angry with the Jews, who traded in great numbers in his states; he orders a census of them, and, according to Philo, they made up a million heads. This million of men is penned into the hippodrome of Alexandria. The king promulgates an edict, by which they shall all be delivered up to his elephants to be crushed beneath their feet. The hour taken for giving this spectacle, God, who watches over his people, puts the king into a deep sleep. Ptolemy, on waking, puts the business off till the morrow; but God then takes away his memory: Ptolemy remembers nothing more. At last, the third day, Ptolemy, wide awake, has his Jews and his elephants made ready. The piece was about to be played, when suddenly the gates of heaven open: two angels come down from them; they direct the elephants against the soldiers who were to lead them; the soldiers are crushed, the Jews saved, the king converted... History was written amusingly in that country! » In sum, if one takes in its broad lines the biblical history of the Maccabees, it is summed up in this: — The sacrificer Mattathias, under the reign of Antiochus Epiphanes, gives the signal for the revolt by cutting the throat of a Jew who was sacrificing to the gods of Syria; his five sons, John, Simon, Judas, Eleazar and Jonathan, likewise distinguish themselves. 395. The Levite Mattathias gives the signal for the revolt. Judea rises; anything serves for a weapon. Judas Maccabaeus, the most illustrious of the sons of Mattathias, puts himself at the head of the insurrection and cuts the royal armies to pieces: but he is not content with being a general; he succeeds as high-priest to Menelaus, descendant of the famous Jaddus, the toady of Alexander. His victories are cited against Apollonius in the neighbourhood of Samaria, against Seron at Beth-horon, and against three other generals of Antiochus: Ptolemy, Nicanor, and Gorgias. 396. Great victory of Judas Maccabaeus, his son. Under the reign of Antiochus Eupator, son of Epiphanes, Eleazar Maccabaeus has less luck than his brother Judas: at the height of a battle, having seen in the enemy ranks an elephant covered with the royal insignia, mons (‘mons’ — fr. a mocking clipping of ‘monsieur’, roughly ‘mister so-and-so’) Eleazar charges at the animal, imagining that the king is on top of it; but the elephant seizes our Jew with its trunk and snaps him in two as if it were a matter of a mere fourpenny clay pipe. 397. How an elephant proved fatal to Eleazar Maccabaeus. Under Demetrius Soter, uncle and successor of Antiochus Eupator, Judas Maccabaeus again triumphs over the Syrian army, commanded by Bacchides, and, on two occasions, over that which Nicanor commanded, who perished in the rout. But a fresh expedition directed by Bacchides having brought Judas’s 3,000 men face to face with 22,000 men, and Jehovah not having thought this time of sending an exterminating angel to the aid of his people, the terrified Maccabaeans disband and leave their general to be crushed by the enemy. Thus ended the celebrated Judas Maccabaeus. His two brothers, Jonathan and Simon, succeeded him one after the other in his double functions of high-priest and general. It is fitting to remark, with Voltaire, that these Maccabees were of the race of Levi, and that, mere sacrificers in a little village named Modin, towards the Dead Sea, they obtained, by a revolution, the sacerdotal power, then the royal. One cannot therefore prevent oneself from observing that this event confounded all those vain prophecies which the tribe of Judah had always made in its own favour by the mouth of its prophets, and gave the lie to that eternal supremacy of the house of David so much foretold and so false. There was no longer anybody of the race of David; at least, no Jewish book points out any descendant of that prince since the captivity. If the children of the Levite Mattathias, named first Maccabees and then Asmonaeans, had the censer and the sceptre, it was for their misfortune. Their grandsons defiled the altar and the throne with crimes, and had nothing but a barbarous policy which caused the complete ruin of their fatherland. If they had in the beginning the pontifical authority, they were none the less tributaries of the kings of Syria. Antiochus Eupator compounded with them, but they were always regarded as subjects. Moreover, these holy heroes massacred one another. Simon, the last brother of Judas Maccabaeus, was assassinated, with two of his sons, by his son-in-law Ptolemy, governor of Jericho, who wished to seize power. 398. Simon Maccabaeus is assassinated by his son-in-law Ptolemy. Hyrcanus, son of this high-priest Simon, and himself high-priest, attempted to revolt against Antiochus Sidetes. The king of Syria besieged him in Jerusalem, and Jehovah did not succour him at all, since it is said that Hyrcanus appeased the king with money. But where did the high-priest Hyrcanus get this money? It is a difficulty which stops every reasonable reader at every step. Whence could come all these pretended treasures which one finds again and again in that temple of Jerusalem pillaged so many times? Josephus has the assurance to say that Hyrcanus had David’s tomb opened, and that he found in it three thousand talents. It is thus that treasures have been imagined in the sepulchres of Cyrus, of Rustam, of Alexander, of Charlemagne; not long ago, a simple-minded minister of the French Republic, trusting in the divining rod of a witch who was a humbug or a madwoman, hoped to discover some in the tombs of our kings, at Saint-Denis. However that may be, Hyrcanus submitted and obtained his pardon. It was this Hyrcanus who, profiting by the troubles of Syria, at last took Samaria, the eternal enemy of Jerusalem, rebuilt afterwards by Herod and called Sebaste. The Samaritans withdrew to Shechem, which is the Nablus of our day; they were nearer still to Jerusalem, and the hatred of the two fractions of the people of God was the more implacable for it. Jerusalem, Shechem, Jericho, Samaria, which have made so much noise among us, and which made so little of it in the East, were always small neighbouring towns, poor enough, whose inhabitants went to seek their fortune far away, like the Armenians, the Parsees, the Banians. Flavius Josephus, drunk with chauvinism, does not fail to say that this Hyrcanus Maccabaeus was a conqueror and a prophet, and that God often spoke to him face to face. If Josephus is to be believed, an incontestable proof that this Hyrcanus was a prophet is that, having two sons whom he loved, and who were monsters of perfidy, of avarice and of cruelty, he predicted to them that, if they hardened themselves in their villainy, they might come to a bad end. Of these two rascals, the one was Aristobulus, the other Antigonus. The Jews had already the vanity to take Greek names. God came to see Hyrcanus one night and showed him the portrait of another of his children, who at first was called only Jannaeus, a diminutive of John (which is equivalent to Jack), and who afterwards had the presumption to add to it the name of Alexander. « That one, said Jehovah, shall one day have thy place as high-priest. » Hyrcanus, this good father, glimpsing in this divine word the announcement of a usurpation, hastened to put his son Jack to death, « for fear that this oracle should be fulfilled », according to what the historian says. But, apparently Jack or Jannaeus did not quite die, or God resuscitated him, for we shall soon see him high-priest and master of Jerusalem. Meanwhile, one must see what happened to the two well-beloved brothers, Aristobulus and Antigonus, sons of Hyrcanus, after the death of Hyrcanus their father. The priest Aristobulus has the priest Antigonus, his brother, assassinated in the temple, and has his own mother strangled in a dungeon. It is of this same Aristobulus, — the first Maccabee who took the title of king of the Jews, — that Josephus says that he was a very gentle prince. At that epoch, Judea was troubled by the rivalries of two religious sects, which were soon to become political factions: the Pharisees, so called from a Hebrew word which means « separated », because they affected to distinguish themselves from the people, and the Sadducees, drawing their name from Zadok, their chief; these last were in some sort the Jewish epicureans, keeping scrupulously to the letter of the Pentateuch, not admitting the immortality of the soul, consequently neither hell nor paradise, and still less the resurrection, whereas the Pharisees added to the law of Moses the oral tradition, upon which they admitted metempsychosis, and upon this doctrine of metempsychosis they grafted yet all sorts of beliefs; it is thus that they established that the evil spirits could enter into the bodies of men; they saw possessions by demons in all unknown maladies. It is the Pharisees who invented the devils and the exorcisms; it is one of them who fabricated the book entitled The Key of Solomon, the sacred book of occultism. They were revered as the learned interpreters of the law; people were eager to be initiated into their mysteries; they taught the resurrection and the kingdom of heaven. There was a third sect, that of the Essenes, who lived in common, applied themselves outside the world to the practical virtues, temperance and labour, and who accommodated themselves well enough to various Persian beliefs. The Maccabees favoured at first the Sadducees against the Pharisees; but that was chiefly owing to the fact that these last formed the most powerful school in the State and sought to enter into all affairs. Aristobulus Ist being dead, his brother Jack-Alexander comes back to life and succeeds him; he had doubtless been kept in prison, instead of being killed. Jannaeus marries Salome, that is to say the widow of Aristobulus, and changes her name to that of Alexandra. It is in this time above all that the Ptolemies, kings of Egypt, and the Seleucids, kings of Syria, disputed Palestine. This quarrel, now violent, now handled with management, had lasted since the death of Alexander the Great. The Jewish people was strengthening itself a little through the disasters of its masters; the priests, who governed this little nation, changed party every year and sold themselves to the strongest. This Jannaeus-Alexander began his priesthood by the assassination of the one of his brothers who still remained, and who did not come back to life as he did. Josephus does not tell us the name of this brother, and this name matters little in the catalogue of so many crimes. Jannaeus maintained himself in his government thanks to the troubles of Asia. This government was at once sacerdotal, democratic, aristocratic: a complete anarchy. Josephus reports that one day the people in the temple threw apples and lemons at the head of their high-priest Jannaeus, who was setting himself up as a sovereign, and that this Alexander had six thousand men of his people butchered. This massacre was followed by ten years of massacres. To whom did the Jews pay tribute in that time? What sovereign counted this province among his states? Josephus does not so much as touch upon this question: it seems that he wishes to make one believe that Judea was a free and sovereign province. However, it is certain that the kings of Egypt and those of Syria disputed it, until the Romans came to swallow it up. After this Jannaeus, so unworthy of the great name of Alexander, his widow Salome, called Alexandra, kept, for nine years, the authority in the name of her young sons, while abandoning the government to the Pharisees and tolerating the violences which they committed against their adversaries, the Sadducees. Then, the death of Alexandra leaving a free field to the political and religious rivalries of these two sects, this kingdom, which had not ten leagues of extent in any direction, was torn by civil war, Hyrcanus II, the elder of the sons of the high-priest Jannaeus, having put himself at the head of the Pharisees, and Aristobulus II, the younger, being the chief of the Sadducees; and Judea thus had two kings, instead of one. These two enemy brothers gave battle to each other near the market-town of Jericho, not with armies of three, of four, of five and of six hundred thousand men; nobody dared any longer at that time to write such jokes, and even the exaggerator Josephus would have been ashamed of it; the Jewish armies then were of three to four thousand soldiers. Hyrcanus was beaten, and Aristobulus II remained master. At that epoch, the Romans, without troubling themselves overmuch about their pretended friendly association with the Maccabees, were carrying their victorious arms into Asia Minor, into Syria and as far as mount Caucasus. The Seleucids existed no longer; Tigranes, king of Armenia, father-in-law of Mithridates, had conquered a part of their states. The great Pompey had conquered Tigranes; he had just reduced Mithridates to taking his own life; he was making Syria a Roman province. The books of the Maccabees speak neither of this great man, nor of Lucullus, nor of Sulla. One will not be astonished at it. — Hyrcanus, driven out by his brother Aristobulus, had taken refuge with a chief of Arabs, named Aretas. Jerusalem had always been so small a matter that this captain of thieves came and besieged Aristobulus in that city. Pompey was then passing through lower Syria. Aristobulus obtained the protection of Scaurus, one of his lieutenants. Scaurus orders the Bedouin to raise the siege and to commit no more hostilities upon the lands of the Romans; for, Syria being incorporated into the empire, Palestine was so too. Such is the only pact of association that the Roman republic had been able to make with Judea. Josephus writes that Aristobulus, in order to obtain the protection of Pompey, sent him a magnificent present; Strabo speaks of this present, which is said to have been a vine of gold, but he attributes it to Alexander-Jannaeus, and not to Aristobulus. However that may be, the two brothers Aristobulus and Hyrcanus, who were disputing the quality of high-priest, came to plead their cause before Pompey during his march. He was about to pronounce, when Aristobulus fled; which would lead one to believe that the gift of the golden vine had not succeeded in influencing the arbiter and that the younger son of Jack had from then on more confidence in the ramparts of the capital of David. 399. Pompey’s arbitration between the last Maccabees. In fact, Pompey went, in his turn, to lay siege to Jerusalem. It is known that this city is in an excellent situation, from the point of view of defence; it could be one of the best strongholds of the East in the hands of a skilful engineer; at least, the temple, which was the true citadel, could become impregnable, being built upon the summit of a steep mountain, surrounded by precipices. Pompey was obliged to lose almost three months in preparing and setting in motion his engines of war; but as soon as they could manoeuvre, he made a breach in the fortress and entered. A son of the dictator Sulla mounted it first, and, what makes this day more memorable still, is that the taking of Jerusalem by the Romans took place under the consulate of Cicero (63 B.C.). Josephus says that twelve thousand Jews were killed in the temple; we should believe him, if he had not always exaggerated. We cannot believe him when he adds that two thousand talents of silver were found there and that the conqueror drew ten thousand from the city: for, in short, this temple having been taken so many times so easily, so many times pillaged and sacked, it was impossible that two thousand talents of silver should be kept there, which would make nearly twelve million francs of our money; and it would be still more extravagant to believe that so small a country, so exhausted and so poor, could be taxed at ten thousand talents, nearly sixty millions!... That is what those do not think of who read without examination and who lightly reproduce these fables imagined by Hebrew pride. A man of sense shrugs his shoulders, when he sees that Alexander could collect in Judea only thirty talents to go and fight Darius, and when he sees twelve thousand talents in the coffers of the Jews, besides the three thousand supposedly found in the tomb of David. It is certain that Pompey took nothing for himself, and that he confined himself to making the Jews pay the costs of his expedition, which had been an accessory of his principal campaign in Asia Minor. Cicero praises this disinterestedness; but Rollin (Roman History, book 16) says that nothing succeeded with Pompey thenceforth, because of the sacrilegious curiosity he had had to penetrate into the sanctuary of the Jewish temple. Voltaire replies to Rollin that Pompey could hardly know whether it was forbidden to enter there; that the prohibition might be for the Jews, and not for Pompey; that the carpenters, the joiners, the other workmen entered there, when there was some repair to be made. One might add that it was formerly the presence of the ark that made this place sacred, and that this divine ark had been lost since Nebuchadnezzar. Caesar would have entered quite as readily as Pompey into that spot thirty feet long and would certainly have had the same curiosity to look into it. If then Pompey was conquered by Caesar at the battle of Pharsalus, it may be that it was for having been curious at Jerusalem; but there were doubtless other reasons too for that defeat, and the genius of Caesar contributed much to it. One might further observe that it is a far greater sacrilege to cut the throats of twelve thousand men in a temple than to enter a vestry where there was nothing at all. (Voltaire, Summary of Jewish history) Moreover, Pompey, having taken Aristobulus, sent him captive to Rome. Besides, in the course of the year 49 (B.C.), he ordered a descendant of the Scipios, his lieutenant in Syria, to have the head cut off the eldest son of Aristobulus, who had taken the name of Alexander and the title of king. This event completes the picture of what that alliance of crown with crown was that the Jews boasted of having with the Romans, and of what reliance one can place upon the accounts of the historians of that nation. Finally, to put the last hand to this picture, and to show with what respect the Roman empire was penetrated for the Jews, it will suffice to say that, some years afterwards (38), the triumvir Mark Antony condemned in Antioch another Jewish king, the second son of Aristobulus, named Antigonus, to die by the punishment of slaves; he had him whipped and crucified. It was then that the Senate granted the title of king to the Idumean Herod, son of Antipater, procurator of Judea, who married Mariamne, daughter of Hyrcanus II, and reigned about forty years, under the protection of Rome, holding his Hebrew subjects bowed beneath his sceptre of iron. 400. End of the theocracy: reign of Herod the Great. Thus ends the Old Testament. Our task of to-day is accomplished. In some time, we shall publish a new edition of the Life of Jesus, which appeared sixteen years ago; our former Amusing Bible, which then preceded that humorous criticism of the New Testament, was a mere game, a series of pleasantries accompanying the side-splitting drawings of our friend Frid’Rick. At that time, clericalism appeared definitively reduced to impotence, and it only remained for us to go and explore the camp of the vanquished, in order to know for ourselves and to be able to say one day what allowance should be made for the good faith of the last defenders of the dogma; we wished to see close at hand whether the altar falling into ruins really counts priests who believe what their Church teaches. It is by favour of a mystification pushed to the extreme limits that we have succeeded in making this curious experiment. But, before publishing the results of it, it appeared to us necessary — the clerical party raising its head again — to take up once more this album of comic drawings by our former collaborator and to make over again a general criticism, complete this time, of that monument of besotting silliness which is called the Bible. In ending, let us say a word which will greatly astonish our free-thinking readers, but which is the expression of the truth established by our personal inquiry of eleven years: however idiotic the Bible may be, there are priests, and even intelligent priests, who, in good faith, believe it true, authentic, and whose minds are disconcerted by none of the most fantastic accounts of the humbugs who authored Holy Writ; not only do these extraordinary simpletons believe that the whale swallowed Jonah, but they would believe as well that Jonah swallowed the whale, — if the divine pigeon had dictated it to some self-styled prophet. Conclusion: religious faith is a variety of madness. TABLE OF CONCORDANCE CHAPTER 1. The creation and the earthly paradise. 1. The chaos. 2. Creation of the light. 3. Creation of the atmosphere. 4. Creation of the continents and the seas. 5. Creation of the trees and the plants. 6. Creation of the heavenly bodies. 7. Creation of the animals. 8. Creation of man. 9. Man reviews the animals. 10. Man, king of the creation. 11. The Lord rests. 12. First sleep of man. 13. Creation of woman. 14. The forbidden fruit. 15. Eve tempted by the serpent. 16. Disobedience of Adam and Eve. 17. Adam and Eve have the sense of their nakedness. 18. Adam and Eve hide at the call of God. 19. God reproaches Adam and Eve with their sin. 20. Adam and Eve driven from the earthly paradise. CHAPTER 2. Short history of the first men. 21. Offerings of Abel to God. 22. Offerings of Cain. 23. Murder of Abel by Cain. 24. « Cain, what hast thou done with thy brother? ». 25. The blood of the victim rises up against the assassin. 26. Cain is marked with a sign of reprobation. 27. Enoch, an old patriarch, is caught up to heaven. 28. Methuselah is a father at a hundred and eighty-seven years. CHAPTER 3. The angels living in concubinage on earth. 29. Jehovah creates angels to divert himself. 30. Lucifer, a proud angel, wants to take the place of Jehovah. 31. The angel Michael drives Lucifer from paradise. 32. The angels come down upon the earth. 33. Jehovah is forsaken. CHAPTER 4. General drowning of humanity. 34. Plan of a deluge and of an ark. 35. Noah builds his ark. 36. Noah makes a couple of animals of each species enter the ark. 37. The sluices of heaven are opened. 38. The dove. Anxiety of the inhabitants of the ark. 39. The ark stops on the summit of Mount Ararat. 40. Inauguration of the rainbow. 41. Noah plants the vine and invents wine. 42. Drunkenness of the patriarch Noah. 43. Ham and Canaan are cursed. 44. The effects of a malediction. 45. Nimrod. 46. Construction of the tower of Babel. 47. The confusion of tongues. CHAPTER 5. Happy life of a well-beloved patriarch. 48. Abraham seeks the land of Canaan. 49. Sacrifice of Abraham in the desert. 50. Abraham presents his wife to the king of Egypt. 51. The king of Egypt loads Abraham with presents. 52. Separation of Abraham and Lot. 53. Abraham delivers Lot from captivity. 54. Rivalry of Sarah and Hagar. 55. Hagar and young Ishmael driven out by Sarah. 56. God institutes circumcision. 57. The angels announce to Sarah that she will have a son. 58. Lot protects the angels against the inhabitants of Sodom. 59. Burning of Sodom. 60. Lot’s wife changed into a statue of salt. 61. Birth of Isaac. 62. God orders Abraham to immolate his son to him. 63. Sacrifice of Isaac. CHAPTER 6. A family vowed to multiplication. 64. Eliezer and Rebecca. 65. Eliezer at the house of Bethuel and Laban. 66. Eliezer brings Rebecca back to young Isaac. 67. Childhood of Esau and Jacob. 68. Esau yields his birthright to Jacob. 69. Jacob gets himself blessed by Isaac. 70. Fury of Esau. 71. Jacob’s ladder. 72. Jacob asks Laban for the hand of his daughter Rachel. 73. Jacob takes service with Laban. 74. First marriage of Jacob. 75. Jacob perceives that it is Leah who has been given him in marriage. 76. Jacob takes service with Laban a second time. 77. Jacob marries Rachel at last. 78. Departure of Jacob; regrets of Laban. 79. Reconciliation of Esau and Jacob. 80. Jacob, blessed of God, has a numerous family. 81. Joseph, from his youth, has the gift of divination. 82. Joseph put into a well by his brothers. 83. Ishmaelite merchants propose to buy Joseph. 84. Joseph, drawn out of the well, is sold. 85. Jacob is made to believe that Joseph is dead. 86. Jacob in despair tears his garments. 87. Joseph bought as a slave by Potiphar. 88. Fine virtue of Joseph. 89. Joseph accused of an outrage upon the modesty of Mme Potiphar. 90. Joseph in prison. 91. Joseph explains the dreams of the prisoners. 92. Dream of Pharaoh. 93. Joseph predicts the future to Pharaoh. 94. Joseph, prime minister, prevents a famine. 95. Joseph gives his brothers a good welcome, on account of Benjamin. 96. The cup hidden in Benjamin’s trunk. 97. Benjamin and his brothers arrested for theft. 98. Joseph makes himself known to his brothers. 99. Arrival of Jacob in Egypt. 100. Magnificent obsequies of Jacob. CHAPTER 7. Moses and the journey of forty years. 101. Painful labours of the Israelites. 102. Edict ordering the death of the male children. 103. Moses exposed on the Nile. 104. The cradle of Moses found by the king’s daughter. 105. Childhood of Moses at the court of Pharaoh. 106. The burning bush. 107. The staff of Moses changed into a serpent. 108. Plagues of Egypt: the rain of frogs. 109. The exterminating angels. 110. The Israelites obtain the right to leave Egypt. 111. The Israelites cross the Red Sea dry-shod. 112. The Egyptian army is swallowed up. 113. March of the Israelites in the desert. 114. Heaven feeds the people of God. 115. Moses obtains great victories from heaven. 116. Invention of the priesthood: Aaron the first priest. 117. Moses on Sinai. 118. The golden calf. 119. The fruits of the promised land. 120. Moses institutes Joshua his successor. CHAPTER 8. The exploits of Joshua and of Gideon. 121. Joshua proclaimed chief of the Hebrews. 122. Two spies are sent to Jericho. 123. The police of Jericho at Rahab’s. 124. Rahab makes a pact with the two spies. 125. The escape of the spies. 126. First round of the Hebrews about Jericho. 127. Second promenade with music about Jericho. 128. The Hebrews despair of taking the city. 129. The walls of Jericho fall down at last. 130. Massacre of the inhabitants of Jericho, Rahab excepted. 131. Five kings conspire against the Hebrews. 132. God fights for his people by raining stones upon the enemy army. 133. Joshua stops the sun. 134. Division of the land of Canaan among the twelve tribes. 135. Government of the Judges. 136. The Israelites set about adoring the idols. 137. The Israelites, enslaved, bring the tribute to king Eglon. 138. Ehud immolates king Eglon. 139. The prophetess Deborah calls the Hebrews to liberty. 140. Jael, inspired by God, kills the general Sisera. 141. The wicked Midianites persecute the children of Israel. 142. Young Gideon is remarkable for his muscular weakness. 143. An angel transforms Gideon into a strong man. 144. God explains to Gideon that he has designs upon him. 145. Miracle of the damp fleece. 146. Gideon overturns the idols. 147. The angels arm Gideon. 148. Gideon assembles the Israelites and explains his plan to them. 149. The Midianites are surprised in their camp. 150. Gideon refuses the royalty. 151. Abimelech slaughters sixty-nine of his brothers. 152. Burning of the tower of Shechem. 153. Death of Abimelech. CHAPTER 9. The judges Jephthah and Samson. 154. The massacre of Shibboleth. 155. Jephthah, chief of bandits. 156. Jephthah has an immense affection for his daughter. 157. Jephthah, setting out for war, makes a vow. 158. Complete squashing of the Ammonites. 159. The daughter of Jephthah comes to meet her victorious father. 160. Jephthah sacrifices his daughter to the Eternal. 161. Samson, as a child, kills a lion. 162. Samson spits thirty Philistines. 163. The blazing foxes. 164. The Israelites blockaded by the Philistines recriminate against Samson. 165. Samson has himself delivered up to the Philistines. 166. The jawbone of an ass. 167. Samson quenches his thirst. 168. Samson carries off the gates of Gaza. 169. Delilah and Samson make acquaintance. 170. The Philistines shave Samson during his sleep. 171. Samson’s eyes are put out. 172. Samson turns the millstone. 173. Samson dies avenging himself. 174. The Levite of Ephraim. CHAPTER 10. Sweet idyll of the fair Ruth. 175. Ruth and Naomi. 176. Misery of Ruth gleaning in the field of old Boaz. 177. Kindnesses of Boaz to Ruth. 178. Counsels of Naomi to her daughter-in-law. 179. Ruth awakens Boaz. 180. Boaz marries Ruth in great solemnity. CHAPTER 11. History of Samuel before the royalty 181. The household of the bigamist Elkanah. 182. The barren Hannah consults the hermit of Ephraim. 183. Departure of Elkanah for Shiloh. 184. Hannah the Barren implores the Eternal. 185. The high priest Eli admits Hannah to see the Holy of Holies close at hand. 186. Hannah is led back to her husband by the two sons of Eli. 187. Affection of the high priest for the child of Hannah. 188. Samuel as a child is consecrated to the Lord. 189. Impiety of the two sons of the high priest. 190. Young Samuel awakened at night by a mysterious voice. 191. Samuel goes to awaken the high priest. 192. God speaks to Samuel. 193. Death of the sons of Eli and taking of the ark. 194. Eli falls from his seat at the news of the death of his sons. 195. The idol of Dagon is overthrown. 196. Marvellous return of the ark. 197. Numerous benefits of Samuel. CHAPTER 12. Saul, the first king, and his rival David 198. Samuel offers the crown to Saul. 199. The spirit of God takes possession of Saul. 200. Solemn anointing of Saul. 201. The Israelites weep over the fate of the inhabitants of Jabesh. 202. Saul names Samuel his prime minister. 203. Jabesh is delivered by Saul. 204. Samuel hands in his resignation. 205. Signs of imminent misfortunes. 206. Saul usurps the sacerdotal functions. 207. Jonathan falls unexpectedly upon the Philistines. 208. Jonathan, famished, comes upon a hive. 209. Jonathan tastes the honey. 210. Saul condemns his son to death. 211. Saul pardons. 212. Saul brings back the Amalekites prisoners. 213. King Agag is spared. 214. Despair of Samuel. 215. Samuel hews king Agag in pieces. 216. Samuel declares Saul deposed. 217. David, as a child, is crowned by Samuel. 218. David plays the harp to divert Saul. 219. Combat of Goliath and David. 220. Death of Goliath. 221. The triumph of David. 222. The jealousy of Saul. 223. Jonathan attempts to reconcile Saul with David. 224. David and Michal. 225. David flees from Michal’s house. 226. Michal places a manikin in the bed of her husband. 227. Terrible vengeance of Saul. 228. Samuel takes David in. 229. David in the midst of the prophets. 230. The archers of Saul become prophets. 231. Saul himself sets about prophesying. 232. Sad end of the high priest Ahimelech. 233. Saul asleep is surprised by David. 234. Saul observes that David has spared him. 235. Reconciliation of Saul and David. 236. Nabal refuses to let himself be requisitioned by David. 237. God strikes Nabal dead; David marries his widow. 238. Holy death of the prophet Samuel. 239. The shade of Samuel appears to Saul. 240. Suicide of Saul. 241. David weeps for Saul and Jonathan. 242. The youngest of the sons of Saul proclaims himself king. 243. Tragic death of Ish-bosheth. 244. David dances before the ark. 245. David a prey to the demon of adultery. 246. Criminal projects of the king. 247. The brave captain Uriah is sacrificed. 248. David consoles Bathsheba, widow of Uriah. 249. Ferocity of David towards the Ammonites. 250. Amnon, son of the king, dishonours his sister Tamar. 251. Absalom, another son of David, learns of Amnon’s crime. 252. Absalom avenges the honour of Tamar. 253. Flight of David. 254. Sad end of Absalom. 255. Adonijah and Solomon dispute the crown. 256. The numbering of the people. 257. The plague in Israel. 258. David obtains the pardon of God. 259. Abishag serves as an eiderdown to the king. CHAPTER 13. Glorious reign of H. M. Solomon. 260. Solomon takes possession of the paternal inheritance. 261. Adonijah, the eldest son, bows before his crowned younger brother. 262. Adonijah’s very near end. 263. An unexpected catastrophe. 264. Solomon drives out Abiathar. 265. Solomon’s marriage. 266. Jehovah grants wisdom to the son of David. 267. Famous judgment of Solomon. 268. Solomon builds a temple to Jehovah. 269. Solomon sacrifices in person. 270. Great feasts given to the people. 271. God rewards the great builder Solomon. 272. Naval power of the Jewish king: the fleet of Israel. 273. The queen of Sheba puts riddles to Solomon. 274. Exchange of royal presents. 275. Solomon begins to fall away: bad company. 276. Continuation of the royal downfall: too many wives. 277. The height of the downfall: the king worships idols. 278. God speaks for the last time to Solomon. 279. The rioter Jeroboam takes refuge in Egypt. 280. Solomon falls asleep at last for ever. CHAPTER 14. The two kingdoms: Israel and Judah. 281. Too much popularity, or the flight of Rehoboam. 282. Jeroboam is proclaimed king of Israel. 283. The people kneel before the golden calves. 284. Young Abijah, son of Jeroboam, is ill. 285. Jeroboam sends the queen to consult Ahijah. 286. The queen, disguised, consults Ahijah the prophet. 287. Jeroboam sleeps with his fathers. 288. For his part, Rehoboam renders his soul to God. 289. Asa, king of Judah, deposes the queen-mother Maachah. 290. The virtuous Asa is tried by God in his old age. 291. God announces to Jehu that he is going to deal severely with the king of Israel. 292. Zimri exterminates king Elah and his family. 293. The massacre extends even to Elah’s animals. 294. Tragic end of Zimri the exterminator. 295. Ahab, king of Israel, renders homage to Baal. 296. The prophet Elijah is fed by the ravens. 297. Elijah’s miracles at the house of the widow of Zarephath. 298. Elijah resuscitates the widow’s son by sitting upon him. 299. The priests of Baal challenged to perform a miracle. 300. Jehovah performs for Elijah the miracle bungled by Baal. 301. The priests of Baal thrown into the torrent of Kishon. 302. Elijah receives from Jezebel a message full of threats. 303. Elijah, in the desert, is succoured by an angel. 304. The prophet Elijah sets out for mount Horeb. 305. Mount Horeb starts dancing at God’s approach. 306. Continuation of Elijah’s emotions: the mountain catches fire. 307. Elijah takes Elisha to himself as a servant. 308. Continuation of the peregrinations of the prophet Elijah. 309. Ahab defeats the army of Ben-hadad, king of Syria. 310. Ben-hadad saves his life by hiding in a closet. 311. Ahab proposes to Naboth to buy his vineyard from him. 312. Naboth, having refused, is slain by order of Jezebel. 313. Death of the impious Ahab. 314. Unfortunate accident befalling Ahaziah. 315. Ahaziah goes to consult Baal-Zebub. 316. Elijah blasts Ahaziah’s soldiers with lightning. 317. Elijah divides the waters of the Jordan with strokes of his mantle. 318. Elijah’s farewells to his faithful Elisha. 319. Elijah, carried up to heaven, throws his mantle to Elisha. 320. Elisha becomes a prophet in his turn. 321. The urchins of Bethel mock Elisha. 322. The bears that avenge the prophet. 323. Elisha invited to dine by the Shunammite. 324. The Shunammite persuades her husband to give a chamber to Elisha. 325. Elisha announces to the Shunammite that she shall have a son. 326. First edition of the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves. 327. The brave general Naaman, a valiant man, but a leper. 328. Naaman is healed by the water of the Jordan. 329. Elisha refuses the presents of the grateful general. 330. Gehazi, having taken the money, catches the leprosy. 331. Astounding miracle of the axe. 332. Syrians struck with blindness. 333. Captain Jehu proclaims himself king of Israel. 334. Jehoram and Ahaziah, the first victims of Jehu. 335. Coquetry of the old queen Jezebel. 336. Jezebel is devoured by the dogs. 337. Athaliah exterminates the royal race of Judah. 338. Joash is brought up in secret by the high-priest Jehoiada. 339. Death of Athaliah, at a hundred and six. 340. Posthumous miracle of Elisha. 341. End of the kingdom of Israel. 342. Old Tobit becomes blind. 343. Tobias the son and the angel Raphael at the fishing. 344. Sarah, daughter of Raguel, seven times a widow. 345. Tobias the son cures his old father’s blindness. 346. Tobias the son marries Sarah and drives out the devil Asmodeus. 347. Exemplary piety of Hezekiah, king of Jerusalem. 348. Hezekiah besieged is succoured by the exterminating angel. 349. Disagreeable end of the prophet Isaiah. 350. The city of Bethulia deprived of water. 351. The widow Judith presents herself at the house of Holofernes. 352. Holofernes is immolated by Judith. 353. Joyous deliverance of Bethulia. 354. The prophet Jeremiah, monologuist of lamentations. 355. Nebuchadnezzar destroys the temple of Jerusalem. CHAPTER 15. During and after the captivity. 356. Miracle of the three young Hebrews in the furnace. 357. Nebuchadnezzar’s dream explained by Daniel. 358. King Nebuchadnezzar, forerunner of the vegetarians. 359. Daniel in the lions’ den. 360. The feast of Belshazzar. 361. The chaste Susanna surprised at the bath. 362. The two old men have Susanna condemned. 363. Daniel convicts the two old men of calumny. 364. Execution of the two calumniating old men. 365. Daniel demonstrates the imposture of the priests of Bel. 366. Daniel poisons the dragon of the Babylonians. 367. Habakkuk, carried by the hair, brings the soup to Daniel. 368. Caca spread on bread, breakfast of the prophet Ezekiel. 369. Ezekiel invents a new mode of moving house. 370. The prophet Ezekiel invents the polka of the dead men’s bones. 371. Ahasuerus repudiates Vashti and marries Esther. 372. Haman’s pride, and fine attitude of Mordecai. 373. Esther begs Ahasuerus to come and dine at her house with Haman. 374. Mordecai is led in triumph by Haman himself. 375. Haman is accused by the queen of having wished her death. 376. Hanging of Haman upon the gallows he destined for Mordecai. 377. Job, immensely rich, is the happiest of men. 378. Job becomes all at once the poorest man in the world. 379. Unalterable patience of Job in the midst of his sufferings. 380. God rewards Job by restoring his goods to him. 381. Jonah, sent by God to Nineveh, makes off for Tarshish. 382. Tempest at sea upon the vessel where Jonah is. 383. Jonah, thrown into the water, is swallowed by a whale. 384. Sad reflections of Jonah inside the whale. 385. Jonah is cast up again by the whale. 386. Jonah’s preaching at Nineveh. 387. The miracle of the kikajon in the desert. 388. Lesson given by God to Jonah. 389. Alexander and the high-priest Jaddus. 390. Institution of theocratic government. 391. Heliodorus comes to ask money of the high-priest Onias. 392. Terrible whipping administered to Heliodorus by two angels. 393. The high-priest Onias intercedes for Heliodorus. 394. Torture of the seven Maccabees and of their mother. 395. The Levite Mattathias gives the signal for the revolt. 396. Great victory of Judas Maccabaeus, his son. 397. How an elephant proved fatal to Eleazar Maccabaeus. 398. Simon Maccabaeus is assassinated by his son-in-law Ptolemy. 399. Pompey’s arbitration between the last Maccabees. 400. End of the theocracy: reign of Herod the Great.